Stephen Burckhardt's Blog: My Blog Ramblings, page 77

Getting My Head Back in the Game

So, if you actually regularly read my blogs (I hope there are at least a few of you out there) you know I've been out of sorts for, well, let's be honest, the last year. I missed my personal deadlines for when I wanted to publish books three and four in my serial. I have no excuse, except to say, life happens.But now I'm finding my way back to sane, or what qualifies as my sane at least. I am still dealing with a lot of stressful things: I have an appointment with a neurosurgeon in a few weeks to see if I need an in office adjustment or another brain surgery (you can guess which one I'm hoping for), we have an immigration appointment for P.R. in February (bureaucracy is so much fun), and Shaggy keeps finding new ways to be sick (this month it's intestinal worms). But I am determined to push through it all and write. The voices of my characters have started sounding off in my head again and they want to be heard. I think the one change that has really helped my determination is with P.R.'s job. P.R. had been flying out to different parts of the world for work. I spent most of October, November, and half of December home alone with Shaggy. It was almost like I was single again. I did not like it! But things have changed. P.R. is consulting for a new company now and their office happens to actually be in our town. Hallelujah!!!!This means P.R. gets to be home every night and go to the office every day like a normal person. It's going to be so weird! P.R. will still have to go on the occasional out of town trip to do work on site once in a while at different offices but most days P.R. will work in town.It's amazing how much this change has improved my mood. I have never thought of myself as a needy person, I have traveled the world alone and was single until I was 46-years-old. But it's as if I just don't function as well when P.R. is not here. I find myself just wanting to curl up with a blanket, a hot tea, and read or Netflix binge until P.R. comes home again. Now that P.R. has been home a few weeks in a row, I feel much more focused. Though I will admit my brain is not really helping matters much. I started having a few new symptoms in September (or you could say old symptoms because I had these same problems before my first brain surgery). I have been seeing my neurologist and it turns out the shunt in my head is pulling too much fluid from my brain and it's causing problems. One of the crazy symptoms is an odd balance problem. I can be walking along just fine and then I will slowly start falling over. I was walking home alone from the store the other night and almost fell over in front of an oncoming car. That was a tad unnerving. Other symptoms have started popping up again too. My vision has gotten worse and I'm losing words and names. To give you an example, I couldn't think of my dog's name the other day. I see him everyday. I say his name several times everyday and yet I still could not remember it when I was talking to P.R.. I was trying to tell P.R. that ___________ had done something cute. I kept looking at __________ trying to remember his name. I knew I knew _________'s name. But my brain just would not fill in that blank for me. I finally had to ask P.R. what _______'s name was. Shaggy!!!!It is incredibly frustrating when you know you know something but you just can't get your brain to cooperate. I find myself wanting to throw things but, of course, I don't. But you can imagine how something like this might be counterproductive to writing, seeing as how it's made up of words and all. I will persevere! I have been working on my website. I redesigned the opening page and finally got around to doing the SEO for my site. Tomorrow I'm doing the final work on the new cover art for the book series and posting the new cover art on everything. Monday I plan to reread books one and two and make sure I have all my continuity notes up to date. Then, next Friday (I teach English classes Tuesday through Thursday and don't always have extra time to write on those days, especially now that P.R. is home), I plan to sit down and start writing book three, again. I had begun writing book three but I think I want to change it a bit from where I had started to take it. I need to introduce some new character who will be important for books four and five. So there you have it. I'm still crazy but not as much as before. I'm still dealing with stressful distractions but determined to push past them to get back to work. So hang in there a bit longer if you wouldn't mind. I may be slow but I always get where I want to go and a good time is always had by all when I do! Oh, and Shaggy is feeling much better now too!

Treading Water

Hello everyone. I know I dropped out of communications for a few months without any warning or explanation. To be honest, I've been fighting some pretty heavy depression but I'm beginning to work my way back.This isn't the first time I've gone through this, and odds are it will not be my last, but I have gone through therapy for depression before and I have am familiar with the process for dealing with these emotions and I am working my process. This is actually why I dropped out of communications online, so I could focus on me for a while.It all started in September. I have a series of disappointments which were followed by some health concerns. I've been spending a lot of time with doctors and will be seeing a neurosurgeon in January to address a few issues that have presented recently. I do not believe it will be anything too daunting but it's extremely frustrating and time consuming. While I have been dealing with these things, P.R. has been in high demand at work and has been traveling a lot. P.R. was in,Japan for most of October, came home for a week, and then returned to Japan for the rest of November. After that, I thought we would get to spend some time together in December but something came up and P.R. had to leave the country again for another two weeks. With luck, P.R. will at the very least be able to stay in town for our fourth anniversary on the 22nd, Christmas, and New Years. With P.R. having to be gone so much I haven't been sharing everything with P.R. that is going on with me health-wise. there is nothing P.R. would be able to do to help me while out of the country and I do not want P.R. to worry and be distracted with my health issues while at work so I have just kept most of what is going on with me to myself. In fact, there is only one person I have shared everything with. Not being able to have support here with me really does add to the feelings of isolation I have been dealing with right now. While I've been going through all of this, the character voices that are usually constantly chattering in my head, have been silent. I miss the noise and the ideas constantly floating in the background of my own thoughts. This past week I have begun to hear whispers beginning again and ideas have started surfacing for book three and four, I still haven't had any revelations for book five but I think that will come as I work through the story. I have no idea how fast I will be able to work through this depression and get back into the swim of things but for right now I'm doing a good job of treading water and keeping my head up. That in itself is great accomplishment. I may not be able to completely shake this until I get to see the neurosurgeon and know exactly where I stand health-wise. Whether the news is good or bad, I think I'll be in a better place once I just have all the facts. It's the not knowing that is really weighing on me. Unfortunately, I won't be able to get in until the end of January so I still have quite a while to wait and the increasing symptoms are detracting from my process. For now, I would just like to thank you for your patience and understanding. I will do my best to keep you informed about future publications. I love writing these books and I hope you love reading them. Keep watching my blogs for more updates. Thank you!Stephen Burckhardt

Don't Quote Me On This

Because I would rather quote you!  I need a quote for the new cover art for Into the West: A New Home. If you have read this book, just write me a one line quote about it and send it to me at Stephen.Burckhardt@aol.com. I will pick the best quote for the cover. Disclaimer: by sending your quote to my email. You are gifting me full rights to use your name and quote on any promotional media, from book covers to websites and any other media I so choose, from this date forward without claim to any compensation, monetary or otherwise, other than my deepest gratitude.  Which will, by the way,  be deep and eternal! 

My Crazy Life

Things have been so insane lately around here. I've suddenly been getting a lot of students booking classes with me. Which is great, I need the money, but it also takes time away form my writing. I'm working hard to have set schedules so that each of these endeavors gets plenty of my time devoted to them without having to sacrifice too much time with P.R..I've been a bit disappointed lately. For months, I had been planning a trip for P.R. and for my 50th birthday, which is coming up here in a few weeks. It was going to be just a short trip about 5 hours from here to relax and go hot air ballooning on my birthday. P.R. had asked for this time off months ago. However, last week P.R.'s company decided while they would let P.R. not come into the office for work they decided to require P.R. to be on-call for that week. For P.R., being on-call means having to be where P.R. can be reached at any time and have access to a computer to do IT work if it should be necessary. It's rather hard to take a two hour hot air balloon ride if you have to be next to your computer and have reliable access to a high-speed WiFi connection. Needless to say, I'm not happy with P.R.'s company right now!If it was any other birthday I would not be upset but this is my 50th for crying out loud,  P.R. notified them months in advance, and it was all approved months ago! I'm trying very hard to not let this get to me but as someone with two serious health conditions that have tried to kill me more than once, I look forward to my birthdays, especial big milestones like 50 because I am damn lucky to still be here to see it.Ugh, such is life!On an up note, Dianne has finished the redesign for Into the west: The Orphan Train. Next will be Into the West: A New Home and then Into the West: Sharon Springs. We are going with a more generic cover in hopes to appeal to more readers. The stories are really character dramas that are set in the 1800s more than hardcore traditional westerns so we decided to try to appeal to a more general audience. I think she has hit on a good layout. Check it out for yourselves and let us know what you think. 

Day Two of My Healthier Routine

I used to be fairly disciplined before I got married. However, since moving in with P.R. I find I have let myself go a bit. It's not uncommon for people to do after marriage. I mean, come on, people spend years working out trying to look more attractive trying to catch the eye of a great mate and when you finally do you break down and eat a few pizzas that you spent years avoiding to look better. But now my time of complacency is over! I need to get myself back on track so I can be more productive and have a clearer mind to accomplish all the things I want to accomplish in my life. The first thing is to drop 20 pounds. I want to make sure I am well under the weight requirement to go hot air ballooning for my birthday next month. I have been planning to do this for five years and I do not want something like eating too many crescents to stop me.  Today was my second day of implementing my new healthier lifestyle. I was pretty good, not great but good. My plan was to get up, drink some water with lemon or lime and baking soda (to help alkalize my body), do 20 minutes of yoga or shadow boxing, have a protein shake for breakfast, then take Shaggy for a quick walk before I start teaching for the day. It happened but no in that order. I was lazy and had my water when I got up but then I went back to bed and read for a while. I got up, ate, and taught my classes. After my classes and prepping for tomorrow's classes, I took Shaggy for a walk then came home and did some yoga. I find I really like yoga. It is amazing for flexibility and it really helps clear my mind and lets me focus on what I want to do. After yoga I fixed dinner for Shaggy and I and now I'm here at my compuiter ready to spend the rest of the evening writing as I listen to iZombie playing in the background.  iZombie and The Big Bang Theory are my two go to shows to play to give me some noise in the background while I work. I chose these two because I have seen every episode so many times I do not have to really watch or pay attention to know what is going on. Heck, I probably recite these i my sleep, So, now that I have a decent length blog post written I'm off to work on Into the West: Sharon Springs. I'll say hi to the towns folk for you!

Some Days I Miss My Car!

Since P.R. and I moved to our current home we have not needed a car. The public transportation near our home is fantastic but you do have to walk to the stops and sit and wait for the bus or train to come. It is a cost effective way to travel and I get more exercise this way but some days, like today, I really would have liked to have my car so I could get my errands done a lot faster. I went to an appliance store to check on a new stove to replace the one I broke. It's going to cost me about $200 more than I had hoped. Good thing I have more and more students booking with me. I will most likely have to charge it and take two months to pay it off. Not too bad. Next, I went to the health food store to get some flax seeds and vegan protein powder. I wanted espresso powder too but they didn't have it there. For now, I'll just keep using cold coffee for my protein shakes.Last, I went to the grocery store to by a bunch of fruits and veggies. I was also going to go to another shop to see about buying a small coffee grinder to use for my seeds and nuts but I really didn't want to shop anymore. I just came home and used the big grinder we have for our coffee to grind everything up. I use coffee in my shakes so it won't hurt if my flax seeds taste like coffee. I hope P.R. won't mind if our coffee tastes a little like flax seed.I should also mention that I'm trying to get myself into a new healthy routine again. Since the classes I was taking are over with, I can get back to what I want to do. Today I got up and drank a glass of water with apple cider vinegar and baking soda. After P.R. left for work I worked out for 20 minutes, took Shaggy for a walk, and had a chocolate coffee protein shake. It was pretty darn good. Then I ran errands. I was going to eat a salad before I left the apartment but I forgot in my hurry to get out. Luckily, I was able to pick up a few vegetarian snacks while I was out and about. When I got home I made dinner and cleaned up a little around the house then prepped for the classes I'm going to teach tomorrow. Now I'm getting a blog written and after that I will work on part three of Into the West: Sharon Springs until it's time to go to bed, sadly that is not too far from now.Tomorrow, I have three students to teach and four classes to prep for Wednesday. Other than that, I have nothing to do but write! I'm looking forward to tomorrow!   

So Much Accomplished . . . Writing Not Included

I have been so productive the last two weeks. I have had more students this week than most weeks this summer. I have gotten a lot of paperwork filed with the right offices to get my dog registered here. I finally got all my paperwork from my classes I finished and have those all ready to turn in to the right offices to get partial reimbursement for my tuition. I've also been working with my new doctor to do my full I'm-an-old-person-now-so-we-need-to-test-everything-possible exams. So far, all things are coming up great. But now it's time to get some some serious writing done. I'm doing my best to stay off social media unless it's to talk to family or work on book things but it's not easy to ignore everything going on in the United States right now.  It shouldn't be ignored. It should be fought with tireless resolve. But sometimes you have to focus on the work at hand, and for me, that is writing. 

The World is a Distraction

It seems like people have just lost their minds in resent months. There has always, and sadly, will be hatred and oppression in the world but things seems to be building to a head again.The world seems to run in cycles. One group always seems to try to force themselves and their values to the forefront and it takes a collective effort to bring things back more into balance. Sometimes horrible atrocities occur before the majority finally stand up and say, "Enough!"How long will it go on this time? How long will it take before good people finally stand up to the tyrants and say this is wrong and we will not stand for this! I hope that time is near because the alternative is too heartbreaking. For me, it's time to retreat back into the world of my own making.

Making Progress . . .

I feel like I'm starting to get into a routine. I get up, do things around the house, teach a few classes, spend the rest of the day writing, if I do not have to run errands that is. Most days, this is the program. I have learned so much the last week. I think it is very beneficial to my career to be teaching English at the same time. There are so many grammar rules I learned when I was in school but have since long forgotten. Then there are those that I have at some point just chosen to ignore. But the last week has been illuminating. After having refreshed my knowledge of grammar rules, I was doing another read through of Into the West: The Orphan Train and Into the West: A New Home just to get reacquainted with all the characters and where the story left off. While rereading everything, I felt the need to reedit. When I upload the new cover art for both books, I will also be uploading the new edits. I knew this first series would be a learning experience (I'm sure they all will be but more so on the first one) and I would make mistakes seeing as how I do not have a publisher with editors to refine my work for me. I am very glad I decided to do this western series as serials. With each book divided into five to six novellas instead of just releasing it as one full novel, I knew I would keep improving as the serial moved along. At least if I am going to make mistakes, and as a human that is a given, I would not end up making a lot of mistakes throughout the entire serial, fingers crossed.No matter what, I'm loving the work and the process and with any luck one day I will even make some money at this. 

Round and Round We Go!

Things have been hectic.  Trying to file paperwork with the government, getting more paperwork finalized for my school I was attending, getting ready to teach my first TOFEL class this week, trying to read and write more, and if I remember, to sleep occasionally.  I have been spending a lot of time on getting better at writing, reading more about language rules, punctuation, and editing. I have been reviewing part one and two of Into the West to get the story line straight for part three, Into the West: Sharon Springs. I am diligently working to improve my craft while trying to hurry up and get part three out for those who have waited so patiently. Being back at the computer has been heaven to me and I have had so many ideas racing through my head for more story lines to come later. I wish I could type as fast as I think but that will never happen. I have been waiting for the people next door to finally finish with their renovations so we can get back to work on the audio versions of the books. They told P.R. weeks ago that they were going to be finished in a day or two with drilling on the walls and yet they still continue to do that almost every day. There is no way we will ever get a clear recording until they are finished with that. For now, Dianne just keeps practicing her accents in preparation for the day we can begin again.Now, it is time to get back to work, I hope to have more exciting news for you later this week.