Cody Wagner's Blog, page 6

Turning 40 – Fact or Crap Fun Time

OK I’ve been forty for over a month now. And the fact is finally starting to sink in…

Nah, screw that. It’s really not. I definitely don’t feel 40. In fact, I don’t think I feel more than about 19. Maybe even 12.

That may be a *slight* exaggeration.

What I do feel like is a creeper – I’ve become obsessed with articles telling me what I’m supposed to be experiencing now that I’m 40. This includes info from lifestyle sites, health sites, etc… I’m trying to compare what it says to reality.

Since I know firsthand what it’s like turning 40 (and I’m officially an expert after reading 6 articles), I wanted to play a little game.

I’m going to list out a statement made by some of those sites and tell if it’s fact or crap…. for me. So this is a “getting to know Cody better” article, because some of this stuff may be completely different from other 40-year-olds. Still, I’m really interested to see how it compares to what my readers of all ages are experiencing.

1. Your metabolism slows (at 30 and 40)

Crap.

Ohhhh I know some people are disagreeing with (or even hating) me here. (Stir that pot! Stir it good!)

I’ve had some people say, “There’s no way you have the metabolism now that you did when you were 20!”

I disagree. Does that mean I eat the same crap (and in the same amounts) that I did at 20? Not even close! But there’s a reason for that. To demonstrate, let’s look at my typical summer day when I was 20:

7:00 – 3:00: I worked a job that required me to mow lawns, trim hedges, clean floors, etc… It was fairly labor intensive (i.e. the opposite of what I do now).

3:00 – 5:00: Play racquetball with a friend.

5:00 – 7:00: Swim with my family.

7:00 – 10:00: Play basketball with friends.

10:00 – 12:00: Play tennis with another friend.

Sure I could eat whatever the heck I wanted when I was 20. But I exercised 8-10 hours a day. I’m not kidding. What’s that, like 7,000 calories? On slower days, I’d still get in a good 3-4 hours of basketball. If I exercised that much today, I’d still be able to eat garbage straight from the dumpster.

The difference now is I’m not that active. I became a lazy bum at 24 and gained a bunch of weight that never really left me.

Since then, though, I’ve found that if I exercise and don’t pig out, I can lose weight really easily. I can also gain it easily, but I feel that’s always been the case.

For the last 2 years, I’ve been exercising 4 times a week and still eating the same as I did at 24. The result? I’m the skinniest I’ve been since I was in my 20s.

2. Time seems to speed up

VERY fact. VERY VERY fact.

For instance, I’ve been in Arizona for 2.5 years.

Let’s just stop right there and say OMG!!!!

The fact almost 3 years has gone by is unfathomable. I still think I should still be in, like, the 9th month of my sabbatical. Instead, the sabbatical has been over for more than a year!

PLEASE GOD!! LET TIME SLOW DOWN!!!!

I really think this manifests itself more when you set a lot of time-sensitive goals for yourself. For example, the first few months of my sabbatical were VERY slow. It was amazing. Those initial months were the first time since I was a kid that time creeped by.

Let me tell you, it was a weird feeling! I seriously couldn’t process it half the time. It’s like I was watching myself from a distance.

Why was time going by so slowly (is anyone else humming Unchained Melody right now)?

It’s because the only goal I placed on myself was to write. I wasn’t thinking about publishing or marketing or developing or the future. I would just wake up, write for several hours, and force myself to let everything else go.

Because of that, it’s like I was pulled into a time vortex. Time evened itself out to the pace it held when I was a kid (another time I didn’t set all these goals and stuff).

Once those months passed, it’s like time had to make up for the slow months by moving by faster than normal. PLEEEEEEEASE GOD! LET IT SLOW DOWN!!!

3. You physically slow down

Crap. Kind of.

When I’m playing basketball, I don’t really notice much of a difference in my quickness. And on the volleyball court, I can still get around.

HOWEVER, I’ve found I’m much more injury prone.

And that SUUUUUUUUUCKS. So hard. That’s really the suckiest part about being 40. The tiniest, smallest thing can really set you off. I’ve successfully finished grueling Insanity workouts only to throw my entire back out sneezing the next day.

The proclivity for injury can really give the appearance of slowing down.

Honestly, I’m scared to give it my all sometimes, for fear of hurting myself. For example, I played in a softball league in Page. On one play, I hit a crappy ball and should have been out at first. However, I sprinted my butt off, outran the ball, and ended up safe. People were like, “Damn, we didn’t know you were that fast!” It’s true; I don’t really feel a huge difference in speed. The thing is, I strained my hamstring in the process. So, from that point on, I didn’t push myself as hard at bat.

4. It takes more time to learn and memorize

I don’t know. I chalk this one up to undecided.

This is a tough one to nail down. I’m doing a bunch of new stuff for work and seem to be picking it up as quickly as ever. Also, writing is relatively new for me and I’m doing pretty good at that, too. And I still memorize things crazy fast.

However, I do feel I lose things. All. The. Freaking. Stupid. Time. Keys, phones, workout bars, water bottles… you name it. I’ll set it down somewhere and immediately not be able to find it. And here’s the even stupider thing: I find that stuff in the WEIRDEST places. For reals, I’ll lose my headphones and end up finding them in the sink. Or I’ll lose my phone and find it in the pantry (???).

So is that age or other? The “I’ll never grow up!!!” side wants to chalk it up to “other”. Why? Because I have sooo much going on my life, I’m constantly thinking about other things. Most of the time, I don’t even pay attention to what I’m doing when I lay something down. I’ve taken showers and, instead of enjoying them, my brain slaved to invent the ending to a story. The result? I’ve gotten out and started drying off before realizing I forgot to wash my hair.

I’ve seriously done that.

As a kid, I wasn’t worried about so many things. So my mind had room for random crap like remembering I put my protein bar in the blender. I think, if I didn’t have so much going on, I’d be able to remember that small stuff.

5. Hangovers are worse

I wouldn’t know. Because I’m a virgin who doesn’t drink.

(In reality: fact)

6. Your eyesight starts getting janky

Crap. With a huge caveat.

That caveat? My eyes have always sucked. SUUUUUCKKKED. People try on my glasses to know what it’s like to be the Hubble telescope. I’ve been in bottlecaps since the 7th grade. And, while my prescription has changed over the years, I haven’t noticed a drastic difference in recent years.

I think it’s karma saying, “OK we’ll cut you some slack since your eyes are diarrhea.”

SIDE NOTE: I’m suddenly terrified that, because I’m writing this, I’m going to wake up blind tomorrow.

7. You become more of a morning person

Unfortunately, this is crap for me.

I really want to become a morning person! And, ten years ago, I actually looked forward to the day it would happen on its own. I mean, it’s happened to each of my siblings. They go to bed earlier and get up earlier.

Not me.

My brain is still wired to hit the hay about 1:00. And I’ll still sleep til noon if I let myself.

Fun side note: This is a saying I’ve been using for years (coupled with “The best part of waking up is going back to sleep”). So this is my personal meme. I’m pretty proud of it.

Fun side note #2: I was talking with a friend about this whole night person thing. He was a new father and said he had the same problem. Well, he read about this technique and said it absolutely worked for him. This is the technique:

1. In the early evening, set your alarm for 5 minutes from now.

2. Turn off the the lights and lay down.

3. Pretend to sleep.

4. When the alarm goes off in 5 minutes, quickly hop out of bed and turn it off.

5. Repeat this exercise. Over and over.

This sounds weird but my friend insisted that, after a couple weeks, he found himself jumping out of bed in the morning to turn off his alarm… Without even thinking about it. It became a reflex to him. Whatcha think? Fact or crap?

OK now that I’m done, I’d love to hear from other people. Which ones of these are different for you? I’m curious to know if I’m a freak or just one of the herd.

The post Turning 40 – Fact or Crap Fun Time appeared first on Wagner Writer.

5 Ways to Overcome ‘Starters Block’

Over the past few weeks, I’ve run into tons of people (it’s an epidemic!) who have great ideas for stories but just don’t know how to get started.

Thinking back on my first projects, I remember that “starter’s block” (That’s my new name for it! Trademark pending!) was hellish. Staring at a blank page is one of the most intimidating things in the world. The feeling of being overwhelmed coupled with the fear that “my story is going to suck” has brought many writers to their knees before they’ve even started.

I know, because I’ve experienced it myself.

However, with a couple novels, numerous short stories, and tons of blog posts sorta under my belt, I’ve gotten better at conquering starter’s block. I’m definitely not perfect, but I have picked up some tips that really help get me over that first hurdle:

1. Don’t be afraid to suck.

Someone told me Ernest Hemingway coined the phrase, “Write sh**ty first drafts”.

I’m not sure if it was actually him. (We all know how the Internet is about quotes. I’m sure I’ll find a meme of Mother Theresa saying “Write sh**ty first drafts!” somewhere.) But the saying is sooooo true in my book (look at me use those puns). When I sit down to write, I don’t look back. No editing, spell-checking, revising. Nothing. I just get it on paper as quickly as possible. The end result SUCKS but I have a story that actually exists! And I’m not second-guessing myself the entire way. Yay! After I’m finished, the wonderful thing called editing can begin that turns a book from a turd into a gem (or in my case, a turd into a slightly prettier turdlet nugget).

There’s actually something comforting knowing that every first draft won’t be great. It takes the pressure off of comparing early copies of your piece to another. And it can be a comfort to all you aspiring writers that your first draft isn’t going to suck any more than the rest of ours.

P.S. Look what I found:

P.S.S. OK I made it.

2. You don’t have to start at the beginning.

I have many moments where a random sentence (or even an entire paragraph) will come to me. Often times these little nuggets don’t fall at the beginning of a story.

So what do I do?

I sit down, write that sentence, and continue on from that point.

You don’t have to write your story chronologically. In fact, the ending of a work can sometimes shape or inspire the beginning. That’s a reason I write fast, crappy first drafts. Most of the time, I end up rewriting my intros based on what happens later. So why slave over writing that perfect beginning on the first try? Don’t be afraid to jump into a scene you’re more comfortable with and build off of that.

3. Relax your way into it.

Sometimes a simple, raw idea doesn’t feel like enough. One little nugget just doesn’t seem to provide the focus to get started. For example, I had an idea recently about a guy with actual gaydar. The idea of a real person having gaydar was interesting to me. However, that was all I had and it was impossible to sit down and start writing from that. I mean, where do you take such a broad idea? It can go anywhere.

In a nutshell, I needed to narrow the spectrum just a little bit. So how do I deal with that?

Instead of sitting at my computer – a place that screams “this is where you write!” – I go and do something relaxing. I take a nice long drive or go on a hike. They’re peaceful quiet jaunts I can embark on that don’t put a lot of pressure on me.

While I’m driving/hiking, I talk out the story to myself. And you know what? The creative juices usually get flowing. So many times, I reach that point where a few cool ideas start fleshing themselves out. Then, something even better happens: I get excited.

That’s my cue to start writing!

With the gaydar story, I remember driving down I-10 at night when a thought hit: What if he comes across one person (and only one) on whom his gaydar doesn’t work. Bam. There was a tangible idea I could work with and it started the dominoes toppling. And the resulting story is one I’m really proud of.

4. Don’t overthink it.

I’m going into a specific example with this item: research.

Lots of different novels – like historical fiction or political pieces – can require tons of research. This is especially true when you aren’t already somewhat familiar with the topic.

The really sucky thing is, the more you research, the more you realize you need to learn. It creates this awful, never-ending cycle. Even after countless hours of research, you still feel like you don’t know enough to begin. And so you don’t.

The result? Your novel ends up sitting inside your insecure head for years.

I really get this cycle because I was stuck in it forever. My first novel deals with ancient Palestine. Let me tell you, I knew soooo very little about that period. Consequently, I got caught in that research loop and never felt prepared enough to begin writing.

Then I stumbled across an article written by an author who produces historical fiction. In it, she said she’s often asked, “How do you know so much about all these time periods? You must have like 9 degrees!”

The author said she does just enough research to gain a familiarity with the topic… and then she begins writing. When she runs into places where she encounters factual holes, she essentially uses her common sense, makes stuff up, and keeps going. When it’s all said and done, she said it’s amazing how far common sense can take you. She seems to take a lot of liberties that often turn out to be true (or very close to the truth). And even if they aren’t, she knows, after writing the book, exactly where research is needed.

I think that’s an important point to make: holding off on research until after you have something on paper can be beneficial. It really narrows down exactly what you have to do and breaks that cycle of feeling the need to know everything. Case in point: about 2% of what I researched actually made it into the book.

(SIDE NOTE: You’d think I’d remember the article as it saved my life, but I have no idea where it is now. Oopsies!)

5. START START START START START.

Yep, actually sitting down and writing. That is the most important – and most difficult – part.

As I said, staring at a blank page is soooo scary. It hints at the work you have to do, at the nothing you have, at so many things.

But you have to get over that and just begin.

No making excuses.

A lot of people use the “My work would suck today because I’m tired/hungry/unmotivated/horny” reasoning to put off writing for one more day.

That’s a cop-out.

See, when you push yourself into a creative project, something wonderful happens. You get immersed in your world and your story. Once you dive in, all that “human condition” stuff has a tendency to fly out the window. Some of my best work came on days where I wasn’t motivated. I even had times where I was sick as a dog. But once I got buried in my writing, I completely forgot about my ailments and cranked out some good stuff.

And just remember that, to get started, your work doesn’t have to be perfect. Heck, it doesn’t even have to be good. It just has to be.

The post 5 Ways to Overcome ‘Starters Block’ appeared first on Wagner Writer.

5 Reasons the Bullied Nerd in Us Loves Comic-Con

Picture it: Pampa, TX, 1989. I was attending a breakfast at the local church and had just loaded my plate with pancakes and sausages (covered in maple syrup…yeah!). After pouring on the last of the goop, I turned to see the popular guys waving me over. I was the dorkiest kid at St. Vincent de Paul Church. BY FAR. So I did that thing where I turned around, trying to see who they were gesturing at. No one lurked behind me, so I turned back, confused. They still waved. I pointed at myself and mouthed, “Me?” They nodded.

I inched over, thinking, What the heck is going on? The cup-is-half-empty part of me thought they were up to something. The cup-is-half-full part thought they were being nice because we were at church. The latter part won over, so I made my way over, sat my tray next to the most popular kid, and sat down.

All at once, they stood up and walked away. I was left sitting at the table, alone. Lots of people laughed.

I’m sure many people can relate to this story. It sucks being bullied – people judging your every move, poking fun at the tiniest mistakes. Now, I’m not saying that defines me. I don’t hold any grudges against anyone. Heck, I did some mean things myself back then. The desire to fit in is strong! So I can’t be a hypocrite and hate others.

But some things stick with you in ways you don’t anticipate. You might be a little more self conscious in public. Or care a little too much about what people think.

That’s why I have a special love of Comic-Con.

Sure, the costumes and energy and panels are a blast. But there’s something more at play: an emotionally satisfying component for us bullied nerds. Comic-Con is soooo very freeing to people like me. Here’s why:

(SIDE NOTE BEFORE I GET INTO MY LIST: I actually think I’ve shared that story before. I have others, but that’s the first one that popped into my head. And I’m being lazy. So there!)

1. Trip away!

I swear Comic-Con is loaded with that uneven carpet that bunches up in random spots.

Why?

I’ve never seen more people trip and stumble in my entire life. If the normal ratio of clumsy to non-clumsy people is 2:8, the ratio at Comic-Con is 10:0. I seriously watched a guy stumble and then I tripped (over nothing) as I observed him. (SIDE NOTE: How many times can I say “I” in one sentence?)

The beautiful part? No one cared. Anywhere else, you might get a golf clap and do that thing where you walk all cool and pretend nothing happened. At Comic-Con, everyone else is too busy tripping (in the clumsy way, not the drug way) to laugh.

2. Things like this are taken completely seriously:

In any other setting, this band would be a joke. People would laugh at them. Hell, they’d probably laugh at themselves.

At Comic-Con, they’re the real deal. People gathered from all around to watch them perform.

How cool is that? That you can take your inner nerd, put it on display, and be seen as a freaking rock star!

3. Panels look like this:

‘nuf said.

4. The dorkier you look, the more popular you are.

Comic-Cons are a bizarro world. In the real world, everything about you is often judged: your body, your hair, your walk. At Comic-Con, big girls in tights strut the nerd hallways like it’s a catwalk. The crazier and weirder you look, the more elevated you are.

I mean, this guy was one of the most popular people at Comic-Con:

5. There’s less fat/thin/cool/tall/short/ethnic/gay shaming at Comic-Con.

I know people who are meticulous about what they wear. At Comic-Con, those insecurities often fly right out the window. It’s like everyone is able to let their guard down for a few hours.

Sure, there are those people who go to Comic-Con to make fun of everyone. But they’re the minority. And they come across as giant douche bags.

In the land where nerds rule, it’s OK to let your freak flags fly!

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