Cody Wagner's Blog, page 4

Author Believes Tweet to JK Rowling Will Launch His Career

Phoenix resident Cody Wagner, author of The Gay Teen’s Guide to Defeating a Siren, is convinced a Tweet to JK Rowling will launch his entire career and make him an overnight success.

“The thing about tweets,” Wagner said, “is you always read them. When one of my 84 followers sends me a message, I notice it no matter what.”

Despite the fact JK Rowling has over 6 million followers, Wagner is convinced his message won’t go unnoticed. “My book is gay and Dumbledore is gay. JK, or Jo – I better get used to calling her by her first name – loves gay stuff. Besides, my friend Ryan always retweets my book messages and he’s so lazy, he digs chips out of the couch. Jo Jo is way more disciplined.”

Wagner then navigated to Rowling’s Twitter page. “I scrolled through, like, 50 tweets,” he said, “and nobody mentioned their book. This is low hanging fruit, people!”

After realizing those 50 tweets were sent within the last 12 minutes and Rowling receives over 5 thousand a day, Wagner gripped his mouse. “Oh. Well, I’m sure none of the others are gay enough.”

Although The Gay Teen’s Guide to Defeating a Siren is his first novel and Wagner has sold only 13 copies to family members, he remains confident in his bold marketing skills.

“Both teenagers who read my book loved it. Jo will, too. One reply from her is going to send Twitter into a frenzy!” Wagner then nodded, deep in thought before gasping, “I’m going to be on Ellen!”

After answering fake interview questions for twenty minutes and pretending to sign a movie contract, Wagner arranged his Harry Potter books for a Twitter photo. “I want to show her I actually own her books. There’s like this author code that if someone buys your book, you have to buy theirs. I own seven of hers so, yeah.”

Giving a few final adjustments, Wagner placed his book on top for the final image:

“Oh man, the Potter books are dirty,” Wagner said, flicking what appeared to be a Fruity Pebble off the spine of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. “Eh, seeing them dirty, she’ll just know they’re well-read.”

Following the picture-taking, Wagner sat down at his computer and began crafting “the perfect tweet”.

“I just need to thank her for inspiring me,” Wagner said. “People eat that stuff up. Then I mention the gay thing and I’m golden.”

As of press time, Wagner’s tweet options were:

@jkrowling: Knock Knock. Who’s there? A gay book. A gay book who? A gay book you’ll really like

@jkrowling – My favorite spell is gayccio. It attracts all the hot gay guys to my book.

@jkrowling – I read you’re a giant homophobe. To prove them wrong, buy my book.

Following his Tweet, Wagner plans to move on to other “sure-fire” marketing ideas, including posting half-naked pictures of him and his book in a bathtub.

The post Author Believes Tweet to JK Rowling Will Launch His Career appeared first on Wagner Writer.

Author Believes One Tweet to JK Rowling Will Launch His Career

Despite the fact JK Rowling has over 6 million followers and receives countless Tweets a day from every marketer imaginable, Phoenix author Cody Wagner is convinced his Tweet to her will launch his entire career.

“You know, I see people, like, sending their books to little review sites and stuff,” Wagner said. “Why not just go right to the top?” Wagner pushed up his glasses and smiled knowingly. “Go big or go home. No one does that anymore.” Following this statement, Wagner navigated to Rowling’s Twitter page. “I scrolled through like 50 Tweets to her,” he said, “and nobody mentioned their book.”

Wagner recently released The Gay Teen’s Guide to Defeating a Siren, an urban fantasy aimed at gay teenagers. Although it’s his first novel and Wagner is a nobody, he’s confident in his bold marketing skills.

“Both teenagers who read my book loved it. She will, too. And one reply from her is going to send Twitter into a tizzy! What publisher wouldn’t want to sign someone mentioned by JK Rowling herself?” Wagner then nodded, deep in thought before gasping, “I’m going to be on Ellen.”

At that, Wagner began arranging his Harry Potter books for a Twitter photo. “This is perfect for two reasons,” Wagner said, brushing his hands together as if he’d just finished hours of work. “First, JK, or Jo – I better get used to calling her by her first name – is pro gay. Dumbledore was gay. My book is gay. ‘Nuf said. Second, I want to show her I actually own her books. That’s a problem other authors make, I’m sure.”

After giving a few final adjustments, Wagner placed his book on top for the final image:

“Oh man, the Potter books are dirty,” Wagner said, flicking what appeared to be a Fruity Pebble off the spine of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. “I guess I could go get a towel and clean them.”

Wagner proceeded to stare at his bedroom door for a few minutes before shrugging. “Eh, seeing them dirty, she’ll just know they’re well-read.”

Following the picture-taking, Wagner sat down at his computer and began crafting “the perfect Tweet”.

“I just need to thank her for inspiring me,” Wagner said. “People eat that stuff up. Then I mention the gay thing and I’m golden.”

Following his Tweet, Wagner went on to his other “sure-fire” marketing ideas, including posting semi-naked pictures of him and his book in a bathtub.

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McDonald’s Employee Tells Boss to F*** Off After Winning Free Medium Fries

The recent string of lottery winning McDonald employees abandoning their jobs has continued. Phoenix resident – and McDonald’s grill cook – Cody Schmagner quit his job last week after winning a free Medium Fries from the Monopoly game.

“I was having a really awful day,” Schmagner said, fanning himself with the winning coupon. “I learned we were serving breakfast all day. And I freaking hate making eggs.”

According to sources, Schmagner’s frustration with egg-making let to his seizing a large cup from the stack.

While interviewed, fellow employee Windy Fadley said, “He was all like, ‘If they can make me fix eggs, I can make me a free drink.'” She paused to look longingly at Schmagner’s winning sticker before adding, “Damn, I’m hungry.”

“I was planning on just getting a drink,” Schmagner continued, “when I decided to peel off the Monopoly sticker and drop it on the floor. Mallvarez hates that.”

Lawrence Mallvarez was Shmagner’s boss at the time. According to employees, he’s OCD because he hates trash on the floor.

“So I peel the sticker,” Schmagner said, “and just before I let go, I look at it. Best thing I ever did.”

Apparently, several employees noticed the sticker right after Schmagner peeled it. “I saw what it said from the corner of my eye,” Fadley said, “and my mouth dropped. I mean, only like twenty people a day win those things.”

“Bam! Free fries!” Schmagner said, slapping the sticker down on a table.

After realizing he’d won, Schmagner wasted no time in claiming his freedom.

“Cody came up to me before his shift even ended.” Mallvarez said. “He waved the sticker around saying, ‘I don’t need your money anymore.’ Well, I think it was the sticker. Those things are pretty small.”

When asked to comment, Schmagner said, “Yeah I said it. And I told him to f*** off. Why waste my life at McDonald’s when I got greasy potato rectangles waiting for me. I’m ready for the easy life.”

Schmagner plans to take his medium fries home, eat them on the couch, and play Crash Bandicoot on his original PlayStation. “Maybe I can afford a PS2 after this,” Schmagner said.

After hearing about Schmagner’s plans, Mallvarez said, “I wonder if we should tell him he’s not eligible to win.”

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I’m Thankful for 5 More “Celebrities” Who “Endorsed” My Book

Today is Thanksgiving, a time to take a step back and appreciate everything we have. At first, I was having a hard time feeling thankful. I know Kermit and Freddy Krueger endorsed my book. But that just wasn’t enough to get me in the holiday spirit. I mean, converting Kim Jong Un to a pro gay activist was nice, but he’s no Kim Davis.

Fortunately, a handful of new “celebrities” just came forward and proclaimed their love of The Gay Teen’s Guide to Defeating a Siren. Now I feel the gratitude flowing through me!

5 More “Celebrities” Who “Endorsed” My Book
The Pilgrims and Native Americans

It’s Thanksgiving, so let’s start off with those people who made this holiday a reality. I felt incredibly blessed that, instead of reaching for bread or corn or fruits, these hungry people grabbed my book. What an honor!

The Kid from The Nightmare Before Christmas

I know it’s no severed head in a box, but my book comes in a close second.

The “I Like Turtles” Kid

After all this time, I didn’t thinks the “I Like Turtles” kid actually liked anything else. And I was all like, “Dude, find some other hobbies.” Well, it finally looks like he has. And I think he made a good choice.

Voldemort

I’m not sure how I feel about this one. Sure, I’m thrilled the greatest evil wizard of all time likes my book. But notice how longingly he’s gazing at it. I know exactly what he’s thinking and it scares me: “I’m going to turn this book into a Horcrux.” Shiver!

Kim Davis

My Thanksgiving wish came true! The mega bigot has renounced her awful ways and seen the light. I still think she looks kind of creepy though. No one should be that freakishly happy holding a book. I didn’t even look like that when I held it myself.

(SIDE NOTE: In last week’s post, the most awful person was Kim Jong Un. This week, it’s Kim Davis (yes, she’s more evil than Voldemort). I guess the moral of the story is don’t ever name your child Kim because he/she will become a horrible human being.)

The post I’m Thankful for 5 More “Celebrities” Who “Endorsed” My Book appeared first on Wagner Writer.

5 “Celebrities” Who “Really” “Endorsed” My Book

Last week, I showed a picture I’d photoshopped of Oprah Winfrey holding my book. Because several people thought it was real, I did a post on how independent authors and how we are really nobodies. Well, not all of them. But I pretty much am.

Anyway, I think that post was serious enough to warrant a goofier one this week. And I figured I’d stay with the same theme. Therefore, I proudly present to you:

5 “Celebrities” Who “Endorsed” My Book
Kermit the Frog

I took a chance reaching out to Kermit. He and Miss Piggy just broke up so I figured he might need an escape from real life. That, and the fact he sang about the rainbow connection, really appealed to me. Thankfully he read it AND decided to featured it on his news show.

Tina Belcher

Tina and I were chatting the other day and she confessed she’d run out of ideas for Erotic Friend Fiction. I asked if she’d focused on every angle of Jimmy Junior’s butt. She monotoned, “I could make a clay mold of it blindfolded.” After a pause, she added, “Want to see?” That’s where I had to derail the topic. My book is about teenagers and not their butts (thank God). Still, I told her a lie and said I modeled my main character after Jimmy Junior. That’s all it took.

Freddy Krueger

They say your eyesight starts failing when you reach about 45. I guess demonic nightmare ghost killers are no exception. I’m just thrilled Freddy took the time from his hilarious murders to throw on his trendy aviators.

Kim Jong Un

A North Korean parade all for me??? I guess things really ARE bad there.

Moses

Because stone tablets can get REALLY heavy.

The post 5 “Celebrities” Who “Really” “Endorsed” My Book appeared first on Wagner Writer.

5 Things All Indie Authors Want Their Readers to Know

I recently posted an image of Oprah holding my book:

The pic was totally Photoshopped and, because I’m an independent author, I thought it was obvious I’m about as far removed from Oprah Winfrey as anyone could be. To quote Joey from friends: I’m so far removed from Oprah, she’s just a dot to me!

It turns out, quite a few people believed the photo was real. That got me thinking about peoples’ perceptions of independent authors. And about my perception of them several years back. I guess without knowing about how the whole process works, it’s easy to think an author with a book on Amazon has made it big.

Unfortunately, that’s not the case, and I wanted to share a bit about what it means to be an indie author.

Getting a book on Amazon isn’t just for “special” authors. Anyone – literally anyone – can put a book up there. Amazon has created a free service that allows authors to upload and release virtually anything. You could write a few pages about farts, load them full of typos and grammatical errors, and add them as a book to Amazon. I’m serious. Furthermore, you could charge whatever you wanted for the Farty Book of Farks (see even the title has a typo!).

That’s the great thing about Amazon’s service: they give any wannabe author the chance to release his/her work. But that also creates an INSANE INSANE amount of “competition” (for lack of a better word). If you look on Amazon right now, my book is one of millions. MILLIONS. I’m competing against millions of other books.

All by myself.

That’s another difficulty of being an indie author: I don’t have a marketing team or a publisher or anyone out there publicizing me. There’s just me. Independent authors do everything themselves. I wrote the book, found/hired my own editors, found/hired my own artists, formatted my own book, released it myself, etc…

So what does that mean? Well, my circle of potential readers right now consists solely of the people I know and have personally connected with. People may think I’ve sold thousands of copies of my book because it’s on Amazon. Nope. 99.9% of the copies out there are connected to friends and family.

That brings me to you, my readers. When I chose to self-publish my book, I essentially decided to put my fate into your hands.

You have so much power.

You have the power to make or break me as an author. I’m reliant on you to help spread my book. Word-of-mouth is the most important form of marketing that exists to me right now. At this point in my career, virtually no one is going to pick up a book by some nobody named Cody without a nudge from someone else.

It’s hella scary. And kinda intimidating. And kinda frustrating. And kinda everything.

But that’s beside the point. The point is that you can be the reason an author succeeds. But it also means that authors like me have to write posts like this and totally annoy the crap out of you. BUT, if you’ve read the book and liked it (or you like me), my pleading and annoyances may be OK. Especially if you want to support a fledgling author. Therefore, I want to share…

5 things you can do to make an independent author’s day

(NOTE: If you didn’t like the book…well…just pretend none of this happened. For reals. Shoo! . . . Kidding. You can stay. But don’t make trouble.)

1. Give a review on Amazon and/or Goodreads and/or wherever.

People don’t realize how important reviews are to a book. When looking for new authors, gobs of readers rely on reviews. The more (positive) reviews your book has, the more likely readers are to check out an unknown self-published author. It’s like Yelp: when you see a restaurant with 489 good reviews, you tend to visit it over the place that has 4. This is especially true in my world because self-published authors can release anything. Believe me, I’ve seen some God-awful stuff out there. And reviews help separate the diamonds from the coal.

Reviews are absolutely crucial to new/independent authors. And I put “positive” in parentheses to highlight the fact that the reviews don’t even necessarily have to be great. Having 1,000 mixed reviews will sway more people than a book with 3 good reviews.

I know doing reviews can be a pain. We tend to think and overthink what we want to say. I’ve been there. But it’s totally worth it to support us unknown authors. And if you enjoyed a book, think about it this way: we put hundreds of hours into writing, you received hours and hours of enjoyment, and a review takes only 10-15 minutes.

2. Social media it.

Think about your favorite video for a second. I loved the “I like turtles” kid. And the fainting goats slay me!

Those videos got their starts from a single share.

Don’t underestimate the importance of a share. It’s not like voting where people say, “My one vote doesn’t really matter.” A vote doesn’t reach other people. It doesn’t engage them. Shares do. Your one share reaches people I don’t have access to. If one percent of your friends share, and one percent of their friends share, and so forth, that thing just became viral. That’s the dream and power of social networking.

3. Make it visible (OR Hide it under a bushel, NO!).

This one is so easy. And it doesn’t even require you to read! That means illiterate people can help indie authors (there’s a sentence I never thought I’d say).

Have you ever been at a Starbucks or airport, saw an intriguing book lying next to someone, and asked that person about it? I know I have. Just by having the book out in the open, those people made potential sales without even realizing it. Just carrying a book around can help it spread.

4. Simply talk about it.

Wow, so I’m having a supreme example of synchronicity right now. I’m chatting with a dear friend and he texted, “I’m listening to my new favorite song.” He has good taste in music so I replied, “Cool! Do you have a link?” He texted the YouTube link. The song was great! I bought it and am playing it as I write (right now!). When I told him how much I liked it, he said, “My sister downloaded it as soon as I played it for her.”

Bam. Two sales due to a few texts.

Just talking about an enjoyable book can have immense benefits.

5. Pass on your copy.

I re-read lots of books (including ones I don’t even necessarily like). On the flipside, I have tons and tons of books that sit collecting dust… forever. FOREVER! That includes books I enjoyed. If I took one to a friend and said, “I think you’d really like this,” chances are he/she would read it.

Receiving books as Christmas/birthday/whatever gifts is even more fun! I love receiving good books. Especially on a recommendation from another friend.

(NOTE: Unless it’s from my sister – there’s a particular book that we hated soooooooooo much, we now try to give it to each other as a gift every Christmas.)

In summary

Did you notice that each of these items had something in common? No? Let me give you a hint: They’re all free.

OK that was the worst hint ever.

But the point remains You can help an independent author without spending a cent. Well, I guess purchasing the book costs something. But that wasn’t on the list. So I have a loophole!

All righty. I know I’ve been talking about my book a lot lately. And to some of you, it’s like people who post nonstop pics of their babies***. So I’ll try to be less annoying. But let me give my defense: Those people who post baby pics don’t stand to make sales from it. It’s not like they’re selling their baby. I’m annoying people with my book because it DOES help. It helps a lot.

Fin.

***I actually think baby pics are cute, so I’m not including myself in that group of people.

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Book Launch – 5 Fun Things You Can Do With a Box of Books

It’s here!!!!
It’s here!!!!

It’s October 27th which means my book is finally live!

Let’s take a few seconds so the news can sink in. Two and a half years of hard work has finally come to fruition. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

OK now that we’re done, here’s the relevant info. First, you can get the eBook here:

http://www.amazon.com/Gay-Teens-Guide-Defeating-Siren-ebook/dp/B016NHLHXW

And the paperback here:

http://www.amazon.com/Gay-Teens-Guide-Defeating-Siren/dp/0996713506

In addition to launching the book, I also received my first box o’ books:

WOOT!

A few weeks ago, I did a post on fun things you can do with 1 book. It was a blast, but the cool stuff you can do with an entire box of books is exponentially more exciting! Therefore, to commemorate my book launch, here are:

5 Fun Things You Can Do With a Box of Books
1. Take Your First Class Photo (Awwwwwwww)

2. Play Duck Duck Goose!

3. Propose in Front of Its Friends

4. Take a Relaxing Book Bath

5. Recreate the Trouble with Tribbles Scene from Star Trek

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My Back to the Future Post – How Technology Has Advanced…And Sucked

Like everyone, I’ve been caught up in the whole Back to the Future craze. In case anyone’s living under a rock, October 21st, 2015 is the date Marty McFly visited in Back to the Future 2.

The movie was made in the 80s, so we got to see Robert Zemeckis’s predictions for technology, fashion, trends, and everything else.

Now, there are articles all over the place that talk about what he got right and wrong. Therefore, I’m not gonna go into that. All this Back to the Future stuff has got me thinking about technology in general. We’ve come a loooooong way since 1989.

In some areas.

But doesn’t it feel that, in other aspects, we haven’t progressed at all? With that in mind, I wanted to share 4 things I think have advanced like crazy and 4 things that have stagnated and sucked.

Things that have advanced like crazy
Toys

The most advanced toy I remember from childhood was Teddy Ruxpin. You put a cassette tape in his back and he came to life! He mouth moved and he told amazing stories. The experience mesmerized me for hours.

I looked up Teddy Ruxpin on YouTube the other day to feel that nostalgic magic. Oh man, he’s pretty much a piece of crap by today’s standards. If you look at Ruxpin, he’s just a cassette player shoved into a teddy bear. And his mouth and eyes just randomly move. Playing with Teddy Ruxpin is like watching a badly dubbed Japanese movie.

Today’s toys, however… DAMN! Did you know there’s a toy helicopter you control with your mind!!??

WITH YOUR MIND!!

Seriously, you put a thing that monitors brainwaves on your head. Then you focus on flying and, if you “think properly”, the thing actually takes off. Check out this video for examples:

Mind blown (pun intended).

Phones

Phones are like the most advanced things ever! Even when you watch old futuristic movies – where the writer’s imagination was his only limitation – phones couldn’t do what they do now. It’s like phones are more advanced than our imaginations. Think about that for a second.

Phones from futuristic old movies

– They were wireless

– They had caller ID

– They had screens where you could see the other party

Today’s phones

– They do all the stuff above.

– They can control your entire house.

– They’re can control brain helicopters!

Medicine

For this one, we’re going to talk about Shoulder Joe. Shoulder Joe is a gentlemen in my writer’s group. And he was just plain Joe until tonight (I love how timing works out so perfectly sometimes).

So I brought this article to group tonight (the one I’m writing right now… you’re reading something that has been to writer’s group!). The members really liked it… except for this item. They thought my original “Medicine” example was blah. They were right: it sucked.

I sat there for a minute, then shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll think of something.”

Joe stood up. “Want me to show you how far medicine has come?”

At that, he rolled up his right sleeve and pointed at his shoulder. “That scar is from a surgery I had over twenty years ago.”

We all took a look. Damn the scar was huge! Like a snake winding its way up his arm.

I shuddered.

“And this,” continued Joe, rolling up his other sleeve, “is from the same surgery I had on the other shoulder a couple years ago.”

Again, we all leaned in for a closer look. The tiny round scar was almost invisible.

Without another word, Joe rolled down his sleeves, sat down, and put his hands on the table.

BAM. Shoulder Joe was born (Joeulder?).

Touchscreen Coolness

Remember how, when watching Star Trek: The Next Generation, Data would sit at a terminal and let his hands fly over a huge touchscreen?

Man, wasn’t that so cool? I used to be like, “Wow! I wish I were alive hundreds of years from now so I could use big touchscreen things!”

Well, the future has arrived! It’s aliiiiiiive! Everything is touchscreen nowadays. And they’re every bit as cool as Star Trek’s.

Things that suck
Automobiles

An acquaintance of mine drives a 1990 Mercedes. It has heated leather seats, automatic everything, reclining rear seats, and is the smoothest ride under the sun.

The car is 25 years old. It’s 25 years old, yet it has more features than lots of today’s models.

Isn’t that sad? If you took the fanciest phone 25 years ago and compared it to one today…. well you’d have to pull the springy phone cord from the wall and it would really just be a big mess. Let’s just say the difference in phones is like the different between Kirk’s Enterprise and Picard’s.

I will admit cars have finally began to advance the past several years, what with electric engines and better GPS. But still, you can find older cars that seem to be just as advanced as today’s Ford Focus. BURN ON THE FOCUS! (I don’t know why I said that. I like the Focus just fine).

Medicine

Yep, medicine is on this list, too.

I was born with hernias back in the mid 70s and had surgeries when I was two. Today, I don’t have ANY evidence of that surgery. No side effects or hangups or anything.

Sure, surgeries today are more advanced. But I honestly expected nowadays to go to the doctor and be like:

ME: I’m not feeling well.

DOCTOR: Let’s examine you…. it looks like you have appendicitis.

ME: OH NO! That sucks. What do I do?

DOCTOR: Take this pill. It will dissolve your appendix. The remains will flush out through your bloodstream when you tinkle.

ME: Tinkle?

DOCTOR: You know. Tee tee.

ME: OH! OK thanks!

And when you look at things like ACL repair surgeries, they’re more advanced, but surgeons still have to use hamstrings or cadavers. And you have scarring for life. On top of that, you likely won’t ever be quite as badass afterwards.

So while medicine has extended our life spans, we still need nanites that will keep me healthy and alive forever! FOREVER!!!

Siri (Artificial Intelligence?)

You know how on Star Trek: The Next Generation, Geordi LaForge would have entire conversations with the ship’s computer (I’m soooo Trekking out today)? They usually went something like this:

GEORDI: Computer?

COMPUTER: Yes, Geordi.

GEORDI: I’m looking for advice on picking up women.

COMPUTER: Please specify the type of woman you like.

GEORDI: I like brilliant women who can challenge me.

COMPUTER: OK. Hold your hand out and form the shape of the woman you want.

GEORDI: Alright. (He draws a wide hourglass in the air).

COMPUTER: Thank you. Scanning. There is a woman in sector B. She is a brunette. At this very moment she’s talking to her friend about how she likes blind men with cool gadgetry.

GEORDI: Perfect! Take me there.

COMPUTER: You got it!

Now let’s look at a conversation between me and Siri:

CODY: Siri.

SIRI: How can I help you, today?

CODY: I’m looking for the nearest Safeway.

SIRI: Scanning for safe houses.

CODY: WHAT? No! I’m not an abuse victim. I want Safeway.

SIRI: Please repeat command.

CODY: SAFEWAY. I’m looking for SAFEWAY.

(At that moment, I drove by a Safeway… This is a true story.)

SIRI: Sorry, I didn’t find a Safeway in your area.

CODY: (Looks at the Safeway sitting right next to him) I hate you, Siri.

SIRI: I’m doing my best.

Weather

For all you conspiracy theorists out there, there’s this thing called HAARP (Click here for some fun reading). Essentially, it’s a weapon that can supposedly control the weather.

One of my old coworkers (who was brilliant, mind you) FIRMLY believed in HAARP.

“They used it to create Hurricane Katrina,” he said.

“What?” I said in my most unbelieving voice.

“Yes!” he said. “The major catastrophic earthquakes and tsunamis recently were caused by HAARP!”

“Sooooo there’s no chance they were caused by natural forces? You know, like how it’s happened for millions of years?”

“It’s HAARP!”

If my coworker was right, and some mega device out there exists that can control the earth’s weather, I’ll eat my words and print a retraction. Until then, I’m going to sit here, point at the weatherman and say, “You said it was going to be sunny today and it’s pouring down rain!” Just like people have done for years, because our forecasting still stinks!

Love,

Cody

The post My Back to the Future Post – How Technology Has Advanced…And Sucked appeared first on Wagner Writer.

Read the First Chapter of My Book

Sunday is/was National Coming Out Day. I could share tons of emotions, stories, and everything that the whole coming out process can entail.

But I won’t.

Instead, I’ll let Blaize, my main character, do that for me. To that end, I’m thrilled to share the first chapter of my book:

Click here to read the first chapter of The Gay Teen’s Guide to Defeating a Siren.

If the preview has you wanting more, the book will be out October 27th on Amazon. Additionally, I’ll have eBook pre-orders available this week.

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Things You Can Do With the Proof Copy of Your Book

I recently received the first printed copy of my book:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s pretty damn cool!

I was in the middle of my most brutal workout when it arrived. Talk about a pick-me-up! And it felt so good to finally hold tangible proof of years of hard work.

But don’t get too excited yet.

The edition I received is what’s called a “proof” copy. That means it’s not ready for publication. Instead, the proof copy is the version you use to make sure everything looks good. Going from a Word document to the printed page can yield some amazingly wacky results. Anyone who’s formatted their document for publication is nodding their heads right now. So the proof copy is needed to check margins, headers, footers, and remaining grammatical/spelling errors.

Now, that’s not as exciting as holding the final final book. But the proof copy does have its advantages. Because it’s like the red-headed stepchild book, you don’t have to treat it with the same reverence. In fact, I turned the proof over to a copy editor who wrote and scribbled over it. So it’s already tainted.

Because you don’t have to be so respectful of the proof copy, there are things you can do with it that you would never do with the actual published book:

1. Play a Game of Pool.

 

2. Have a “Few” Drinks.

 

3. Joke Around on a Bomb.

(Read the original post for more things you can do on a bomb.)

 

4. Invade Each Other’s Space.

 

5. Share an Intimate Evening.

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