Ikram Hawramani's Blog, page 7

Is the best salah the longest?

Assalamualaikum. I want to ask that is it true that the best salah is when you stand the longest… Is it true? And why is that?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

The reward for a good deed depends on the effort and sacrifice we put into it. So standing longer in prayer is better because we spend more time and effort and we sacrifice more of our leisure for its sake.

Dealing with a Muslim father and husband who watches pornography

Assalamualaykum. May Allah bless you and your family for your efforts to help this ummah, aameeen. I want to ask your advice about my dad who secretly watched porn videos on his phone. Me and the whole family, especially my mom, were devastated. We thought he already made a توبة, but this morning my mom found out apparently he was still looking for those bad videos. He is religious actually:( what am I suppose to do?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

I’m very sorry to read that. His watching pornography is not a very major sin although I know it can be a great shock when you initially find out someone does that. I believe the best way to deal with the situation is to understand that he is probably as eager as you are to give it up, but due to the extreme ease of accessing pornography on his phone, he may not have the willpower to avoid it when the desire hits him.

You and the rest of your family should be on his side, wanting to help him as much as possible to avoid it. Maybe make him give up his phone and get him a very basic phone that doesn’t have web browsing. You could also make him install a parental controls and tracking app, such as FamilyTime, which will track the websites he visits. Maybe if he knows he can’t do it secretly then he will be forced to give that up.

When a man is sexually aroused his higher brain functions and his will power become weakened so that it becomes very easy for him to convince himself that what he is doing is harmless. The best long-term way, as far as I’m aware, to avoid pornography is for him read the Quran for an hour every day. That makes it second nature to avoid all sinful habits without actually needing any will power.

So as far as I’m aware the best way to deal with the situation is for all of you to show him that you still love him and that you want to support him become a better person. Do not try to shame him and make him feel bad, that may only backfire.

You could also send him my essay The Philosophy of Pornography and Masturbation. Maybe if he understands why pornography is “wrong”, he will be more able to avoid it. I don’t use religious reasoning in the essay, it’s all based on Western philosophy.

Best wishes inshaAllah.

Where to start when studying Islam for the first time

I don’t come from a religious family but after certain circumstances, I have found myself wanting and needing to know more about my religion. Do you know where to start? I feel a little overwhelmed. I’m assuming establishing prayer is first. Thank you!

I recommend you start by reading The Study Quran. Give it a chance to speak for itself; assume it is really from God then try to decide whether God would really say such things. If after one reading you are not sure what to think of it, read it a second time. The first time is usually not enough because all the new information will distract you from judging the book. The second time around you will know what to expect and you will be able to judge it much better.

Best wishes.

Why I believe the Quran is truly from God

Is there anything that contradicts itself in Islam

There is nothing in the Quran that contradicts itself. I have read it over 100 times and have never been able to detect a single contradiction or unwise saying in it. I have never had the same experience with any other book. I read the Harry Potter books over 40 times (because I listen to them in Stephen Fry’s calming voice for half an hour or so every night as I try to fall asleep) and each time I read them I detect new mistakes in them. Check out this page on my site where I list over 80 serious errors in them. I know Harry Potter may not be a great comparison, but the same applies to the hundreds of other books I’ve read.

The Quran is the only book I’ve ever read where the writer is always wiser and smarter than me. And that is the greatest sign of its truth for me. When it comes to human-written books, I quickly match the author’s level of wisdom and start critiquing him/her to find weaknesses and mistakes in their thinking, or infelicities in their style of writing. I’m never, ever able to critique the Quran. I can never find a single place where I think something could have been stated better. It’s like looking at a perfect work of architecture, or a perfect flower, where you can never suggest an improvement.

But there are many hadiths that contradict each other or contradict the Quran, but in those cases the issue is of course the fact that the hadiths were not perfectly transmitted, or that some of them were fabricated, and there are also rare cases where the Prophet PBUH was simply stating his own personal opinion rather than transmitting divine knowledge, so we have to study the hadiths and find out which ones are the most authentic and most compatible with the Quran and Sunna’s philosophy.

So as a whole, Islam as I understand it contains zero contradictions. Everything makes sense once you look into it deeply enough.

Losing hope in life due to depression

Assalam Alaikum, recently the experiences I’ve been going through made me realise this life is worth nothing, and so I yearn for the end of it. My question is, is this a good or bad thing? The saying “everything passes” has become my life’s standard but subconsciously this has stopped me from looking forward to potential good things & it’s making me depressed while on the other hand it’s making me more aware of the afterlife. Is my way of thinking incorrect/ungrateful?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

It’s probably your depression that is giving you your thoughts, not the other way round. When your brain is in a depressed state, it will latch onto anything that seems to justify why you are feeling that way. A person with bipolar can be feeling like the world’s happiest and most successful person today yet overnight their brain can switch into depression and they will wake up feeling like their whole village has been slaughtered. They will feel utterly worthless and like everything they have ever worked on has been a failure. They will not be able to identify with any of the goals and dreams they had yesterday, and they will be completely apathetic toward the rest of humanity, including their loved ones.

A person who hasn’t been diagnosed will likely believe their depression and think that they really are failures and misanthropes. And yet the next time their brain switches out of depression they will again feel successful, happy and optimistic. Until the next switch.

So I recommend that you learn that you are not your depression. You are not your mental states. The right drugs can always easily bring back your joy, optimism and love for life and humanity. If you email me at contact@hawramani.com, I can recommend many treatment options, non-prescription drugs and supplements that can help you.

As for whether it is a good thing if depression makes us lose hope in this life, I consider it actually a good thing as long as we keep steady and continue to carry out our duties. It’s similar to a person being tested with a crushing loss. It makes no difference what makes us lose hope in this world, whether it is the loss of a loved one or a change of our brain chemicals that makes us feel the same way as someone who has lost a loved one. If you look into the lives of the great scholars, all of them seem to have suffered some kind of great loss or depression that made them lose their attachment to this world. Some of them had healthy brain chemicals, like Rumi or Nursi, so that they continued to enjoy immense joy in life, but directed their energies toward loving God. Others seem to have been extremely depressed and to have continued to be extremely pious and dutiful through it.

Is it backbiting to tell a friend or doctor about people’s wrongs and abuses?

Assalamualaikum. I was stressed and felt helpless these past 3 days. My close friend offered to listen to my problems. I told her and she asked if I had problems with my parent. I said it was my father. She knew I had anxiety issue so it was a little relief after telling her. But what's bothering me now is, have I sinned because I said bad things about my father? I do complain about him to my friend… I felt guilty.

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah

There are exceptions in Islam to the no-backbiting rule. It is permitted to complain about someone who has wronged you, or to tell a friend or psychologist about issues you have been having to seek help, advice and support. So if you do it with the sincere intention to get help and support, and not out of a desire to harm the person’s reputation or to get pleasure from gossiping about them, then it is permitted.

So inshaAllah there is no sin on you.

References:

Fatwa from the Qatari Fatwa Authority (Arabic PDF)

A Muslim girl who dislikes housework and wishes to take care of herself until marriage instead

Assalamu Alaikum, brother! I'm unmarried and belongs to a middle class family where I can't afford servants so we have to do all of our chores by ourselves. I usually get very angry when my mother asks me to do any work like cleaning the dishes or washing clothes. Because doing household harms your skin and rots the beauty. But also my mother is old and ill so she has to do most of the work by herself then. Am I doing wrong? Can't I take care of myself until I get married?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

Some of the healthiest-looking and most beautiful girls I’ve seen are those that come from the mountainous area where I come from (the Zagros mountains). These girls do all the housework and work in fields and take care of chickens and sheep on their farms. Your skin can repair itself and be as good as new as long as you do not do anything too damaging (and you can always wear latex gloves when washing dishes, etc.). Doing housework is also a very good form of exercise. You can do it while having headphones on to listen to lectures of audiobooks on your phone.

Personally as a man I do not find the attitude of a girl not liking housework to be attractive at all. I like girls (and of course boys too) to feel as parts of the family who work together to maintain their home, as if they are all working together on a team project. And if you find it boring, you can always do it as an act of charity. God will reward you for it, it’s the same as volunteering at a charity organization.

I also don’t think avoiding housework is a way of taking care of yourself. Taking care of yourself means getting enough healthy exercise, otherwise you can develop conditions like insulin resistance from sitting around too much. So doing housework may actually be a great way of taking care of yourself.

I also can’t imagine a good man blaming a girl’s appearance because she did a lot of housework. I would find it completely adorable to know that she had an important role in her family as someone who took care of her family’s home.

Can we gift the Quran to non-Muslims?

Assalamualaykum. I’m thinking to give a Quran as gift for my non Muslim friends. I want to make it special and also want to let them to have the opportunity to know about Islam/Allah. Even they actually haven’t show any interest with faith or asking me directly about Islam yet. What do you think? Or do you have another good idea for the gift? Jazakallah khairan

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

There is no issue with giving the Quran as a gift as long as it is clear to the recipients that you are not trying to make them convert. Just tell them you want to introduce them to Islam and make it clear you have no expectations of them converting. It’s best if you give them The Study Quran which explains the difficult and confusing parts. You can give them something else along with the books of Quran, such as chocolate.

As for other gift ideas, you could give them books of spiritual sayings, such as the sayings of Ibn al-Qayyim or Ibn al-Jawzi. Jonathan Brown’s Muhammad: A Very Short Introduction may also be nice.

Mindfulness in Islam

What is “mindfulness” in Islam?

That refers to being in the moment and clearing one’s mind from thinking about the past or the future. In Islam the best way to pray (perform salah) is to practice mindfulness while doing it. I like to focus on my soul while I pray, which immediately makes me focus on God’s much greater presence, and in that way I can focus on the prayer and enjoy it without getting distracted. I guess you can call that mindfulness.

Is seeking scientific and empirical knowledge obligatory on Muslims?

assalamu aleykom, i truly hope my questions is going to be clear and reach u in good health. i would like to know what's the position of reading (the act of reading but also the act of seeking all sorts of knowledge) in islam. is it truthful to say that islam in itself is the love and the will to seek knowledge and (the ability) to read is fundamental? I believe Allah (swt) told our Prophet (pbuh) to read 3 times, is that accurate? jazakAllahu khayran

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

The Quran constantly tells us to look into the world, the heavens, and the history of the nations before us. So seeking empirical knowledge is one of the fundamental commands of the Quran:

Many societies have passed away before you. So travel the earth and note the fate of the deniers. (Verse 3:137)

Say, “Travel the earth and observe the final fate of the deniers.” (Verse 6:11)

And it is He who sends down water from the sky. With it We produce vegetation of all kinds, from which We bring greenery, from which We produce grains in clusters. And palm-trees with hanging clusters, and vineyards, and olives, and pomegranates—similar and dissimilar. Watch their fruits as they grow and ripen. Surely in this are signs for people who believe. (Verse 6:99)

Have they not observed the government of the heavens and the earth, and all the things that God created, and that their time may have drawn near? Which message, besides this, will they believe in? (Verse 7:185)

Say, “Look at what is in the heavens and the earth.” But signs and warnings are of no avail for people who do not believe. (Verse 10:101)

Do they not see how We deal with the earth, diminishing it at its edges? God judges; and nothing can hold back His judgment. And He is quick to settle accounts. (Verse 13:41)

To every community We sent a messenger: “Worship God, and avoid idolatry.” Some of them God guided, while others deserved misguidance. So travel through the earth, and see what the fate of the deniers was. (Verse 16:36)

Have they not observed what God has created? Their shadows revolve from the right and the left, bowing to God as they shrink away. (Verse 16:48)

Have they not seen the earth, and how many beautiful pairs We produced therein? (Verse 26:7)

Do they not see that We made the night for them to rest therein, and the day for visibility? Surely in that are signs for people who believe. (Verse 27:86)

Have they not seen how God originates the creation, and then reproduces it? This is easy for God. Say, “Roam the earth, and observe how He originated the creation.” Then God will bring about the next existence. God has power over all things.” (Verses 29:19-20)

Do they not see how We conduct the water to a dry land, and with it We produce vegetation, from which their livestock eat, and themselves? Do they not see? (Verse 32:27)

Do they not reflect upon what lies before them and behind them, of the heaven and the earth? If We will, We can make the earth cave in beneath them, or make pieces of the sky fall down on them. In that is a sign for every devout servant. (Verse 34:9)

Seeking religious knowledge is obligatory on every Muslim, and seeking empirical/scientific/historical knowledge is obligatory on every Muslim community. This is known as a farḍ kifāya, which means that it is sufficient if only some members of the community carry it out. So not every person has to be a scientist or historian, but some members of the global Muslim community are required to be involved in every field of knowledge. So whatever field of knowledge you study, you are carrying out God’s command. Not every Muslim is required to be a scientist or historian, but it is an obligation on the global Muslim community to be involved in every field of knowledge, having some individuals who are scientists, others who are medical researchers, or historians, or astronomers, and so on.

As for the Prophet PBUH being told to read three times, the word used was iqraʾ, which means both “Read!” and “Recite!”. So this is not necessarily related to general reading, it seems more likely that the command was to the Prophet PBUH to start reciting the Quran as Gabriel started teaching him.