Ikram Hawramani's Blog, page 3

He hurt his close female friend by breaking off their friendship

Assalamo alaikum. There was this really good and decent person i fell in love with. We talked about work stuff, spiritualism, books and joked. She never found out that i was falling for her. Then i realized that this was wrong. My religion has strict rules about na mehrams so i stopped talking to her. She almost begged to tell her the reason behind this. Because i knew she would find some loophole to resume our friendship, i never told her. I don't talk to her anymore. I hurt her, i know. But i had to choose between Allah and her and to me the answer was clear. Is the way i hurt her worthy of punishment?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

Sorry to read about your experience. It would have been better to explain to her why you felt the relationship was inappropriate. And if you considered her a good potential wife, you could have proposed to her and made your relationship with her public. Then with the permission of both your families you could have continued your relationship (if she agreed to get engaged to you).

It is a good thing to try to avoid getting romantically involved with people you are not engaged to. But it is much better if you sincerely express your feelings and give her the chance to decide to get engaged to you or not.

On medical practices mentioned in hadith and foods mentioned in the Quran

What is your views on the medical practices mentioned in the hadith such as cupping? As well as foods mentioned in the Quran such as figs and olives.

Cupping seems to be truly beneficial, for example studies have shown that it improves blood glucose levels in people with diabetes. I believe medical practices mentioned in hadith are beneficial provided the evidence for them is strong and there is also medical evidence in their favor.

As for foods that receive positive mentions in the Quran, I believe them to be healthy and beneficial.

Is facing the qibla necessary for ghusl and wudu?

Is it mandatory to face qibla for ghsul and wudu?

Facing the qibla when performing wudu is a Sunna, but it is not obligatory.

As for facing the qibla when performing ghusl, there is no evidence for this being a Sunna, therefore it is neither obligatory nor recommended.

References:

Fatwa from the Qatari Fatwa Authority (Arabic PDF)Fatwa from IslamWay (Arabic PDF)

On carry on with life when depressed

How do I carry on living life, my depression has really made it hard. Not trying to just blame the condition, but i naturally feel lost while i find treatment.

Sorry to read that you are depressed. Please see my following essay where I discuss how Muslims should live with depression: Islam and Depression: A Survival Guide

Are failed relationships due to qadar or predestination?

My qs is regarding qadr. A woman has 4 broken relationships 2 engagement and now her 2nd marriage which is in doldrums. Everytime she desperately wanted it to work out but some mistakes she made n some were misunderstandings. She tried to hold on to the dying relation but it slipped outta hand eventually. For instance her current marriage is with a man who lives in a war torn cntry. For 2yrs they tried to meet but due to his financial circumstances he couldnt leave his countryn kids. He has 3 kids frm previous marriage. This time he told her that if she dint giv him money he will not be able to meet her for long time. She dint refuse but dint outrightly commit saying u can try for a loan frm ur cousin etc thinking they d discuss more n eventually she d agree to give him altho she had been telling him she d help cos he was in dire need. He accepted a job in his country n says now he will never leave it bcs he has gone thru v bad financial situation now he wont loose this chance of job. She begs him that she ll give him the money but he doesnt trust her n doesnt wana leave the chance of a job. She dint realize that just after telling her that he wont be able to com he wud go ahead n take a job. She dint kno wat he meant by saying he wont b abl to come for long time.This kind of situation happened one time previously too wen he dint get money frm her due to misunderstandings n went back to his country for a yr. She's a genuinely goodhearted person but due to these failures she lives a life of guilt. She regrets not understanding the situation n making mistakes again n again n now thinks she wont get any more chance. Some ppl told her if it was in ur qadr the relation d hav been successful n these small misunderstandings wud hav been corrected by God if it was meant to be. Pls pls reply as shes living in depression

As discussed in other answers on the Islam and Predestination page, God does not force our choices on us. God decrees the future for us based on our present choices, and as we move into the future and make more choices, God continuously updates His decrees regarding us. Nothing can happen without God’s knowledge and approval. But the more pious we are, the more He will make sure that things go favorably for us.

I believe your friend should put her trust in God, knowing that He has the power to completely change her life for the better. Her past failures have been lessons and can help her become a better person. By rededicating herself to God and always relying on Him, and by avoiding sins, she can inshaAllah have exactly the kind of life she desires.

Is it permitted for a woman to go on umra without a mahram?

Mahram for umrah In ur mahram achives u have mostly given references of hadith regarding hajj which is fard and has to be performed but what abt voluntary umrah. If a woman wants to perform umrah frequently with any female friend or relative will it be halal? Secondly in ur mahram hadith research u quoted a distance of 3 days and nights. If done on camel it wont exceed 100 km which is much less than distance frm many countries. Lastly assuming umrah w/o mhrm isnt permitted will dua made at such umrah with ikhlaas also be not considered for acceptance??

The general scholarly opinion, as discussed in the previous answer, is that if a woman’s safety is ensured, then there is no restriction on how distant or for how long she can travel without a mahram. Therefore if she is in the company of good and trustworthy people then there is no issue with her going on umra without a mahram.

Is it wrong to judge a friend for their behavior?

I found out my best friend (for quite some time) had an affair. It was VERY physical and Also used to consume alcohol. My friend lied to me. I got really hurt. I know if i confront, my best friend would justify it by saying that it is not my issue it's their life. Apart from all that my friend is a narcissistic personality. My friend has been through a lot. Parent's death, depression, family issues… Alot. Am i a bad person for mistrusting and judging a friend? I heard a story about a king. His most beloved horse fell terminally ill, so his servants had to give him alcohol as cure to save his life. After the horse got better, the king never rode that horse again. All this makes me wonder if i should sever ties with my friend?

There is no issue with having an accurate view of your friend’s behavior and dealing with them accordingly. If they prove to you that they are untrustworthy then there is nothing wrong with dealing with them with more caution.

As for severing ties with them, it’s best to remain on good terms with them and do what you can to improve them. Be a good influence in their life without preaching to them. For more on this please see: What is there to do if you suffer because someone you love is far away from God?

Best wishes.

Dealing with someone who doesn’t pray because he thinks he has enough good deeds already

Al salam alikom i have a problem with my brother he doesnt pray and im trying to tell him to pray but he told me that i already did alot of good deeds so im sure im gonna go to jannah and i responded and told him he will get punished on every thing he did wrong knowingly such as not praying but he told me that in the judgment day if i have 50 good deeds and 49 bad deeds i would enter jannah without punishment which i know is false but i couldnt respond because i didnt have 100% proof that is correct so brothers and sisters if anyone knows how to respond to my bros argument

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

Performing the prayer (salah) is one of God’s rights on us. Ignoring this right is an act of rebellion and a major sin that as far as I’m aware cannot be erased through other good deeds. Nothing will make up for not praying. So a person who doesn’t pray risks receiving God’s wrath, and even if they give away the whole world’s wealth in charity that may not be able to make up for a single intentionally missed prayer.

You may also find this answer helpful: What is there to do if you suffer because someone you love is far away from God?

Dealing with parents who favor their other children

Assalam alleikumwarahmatuallahi wabarakatu.am stayn wid ma mother and ma daughter but ma mother loves ma others sisters kids more dan mine we always have fight bZ off of dis situation plz would like u to help me what to do.i was thinking to go leave alone widout my mom but shes old .and i dnt want to leave her but no peace.what should i do.help

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh,

Sorry to read about your situation. May Allah help make things better. Unfortunately there is little we can do about how our parents treat us. The best that you can do is be patient and treat your mother with love and kindness regardless of how she treats you, similar to the way that some parents treat their selfish and unloving children with love even if the children do not deserve it.

Work to maintain a close relationship with God through such acts as daily Quran reading as this can be a great help in giving you the contentment and motivation to always act according to what is good and right.

Best wishes inshaAllah.

Dealing with a toxic family

Assalamualykum Dear Brother, Allah says that family is a great trial. I have been living in a toxic family environment for some time in which my sisters and mother do not get along. In this situation, I love them both, and it hurts me in a deep way when they fight and I can do nothing at all to make the situation better. I try my best to stick to the commands of Allah and have made constant dua regarding this situation. What should be the response of my heart? Am I too attached to my family members or is patience the only solution?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

I’m sorry to read about your situation. May Allah make things better for you. Unfortunately there is often little that we can do about how others, including our family members, behave. The best we can do is be patient. Something that helps greatly is to have a close relationship with God, such as through daily Quran reading. This helps detach you from worldly concerns and enables you to always act according to what is good and right regardless of how others behave.

May Allah bless you.