Bev Baker's Blog, page 9
March 23, 2016
Ideas on Creativity
#Creativity #How to be more creative #Six Thinking Hats
#Creativity #How to be more creative #Six Thinking HatsListen to this piece of music. What do you think about the musician who composed this piece? What are the processes involved to produce superb music like this? The composer is one Arron London, a 22 year old composer and musician who plays drums, guitar, piano, saxophone. He eats, sleeps and breathes music… and has no business being as talented as he is. Music is the reason why Aaron exists. He creates the music and then learns to play the instrument that he want to hear in his music….not the other way around. When he’s around you just feel that he’s seeing more, listening more, and paying more attention. What’s goes on in his head that turns everyday events into brilliant sounds? What can a musician teach those of us that work in companies about creativity? We need to be creative to find the right solution for the customer. We need to be more creative when we have less time and we need to do more. We need creativity to kick start innovation. So maybe we have lots to learn from someone who livelihood depends on it.
Creativity is more than having an idea
Have you ever had a brilliant idea? It came to you out of the blue. You tossed it around and shared it with a few friends…but basically you did nothing with it… only to find that 6 months later that someone has become a millionaire overnight…with your flipping idea! Unless you convert your brilliant ideas into something tangible then that is what they will remain. Brilliant ideas! You may be very imaginative but how creative are you? If you asked most people if they considered themselves creative they would probably say ‘no’. That’s wrong!
Everyone is creative. In fact if you can dress yourself and throw a meal together then you are creative.
So why do people say that they are not creative?
1. Because we see the masterpiece of what someone else has produced and we judge the end results rather than judge the processes.
2. Because most educational systems knocks the bejesus out of any creativity that you have. I can speak from personal experience about what my education did to my creativity… but I won’t!
3. Because we have busy lives. We are on the go all the time. Who has the time to stop and wait for the creative juices to flow?
4. Because are afraid that people will laugh at us. Tom Pellereau was a candidate on the British version of The Apprentice. He is an engineer and inventor. He came up with the idea to make the curved nail file. Lisa Duan came up with the onesie, Shaun Puffrey invented a comb that detangles hair called the Tangle Teezer. All of them have 2 things in common. All of their friends laughed at them and they are all very wealthy.
5. Because we are riddled with self-doubt. It’s not that we don’t get the bright ideas is just that when they come we dismiss them as ridiculous or just plain dumb.
What is creativity?
Well, if you ask the dictionary it will tell you that creativity is the ‘Use of the imagination and original ideas to create something’.
That’s not a very creative definition is it? Socrates talked about creativity as being visited by demons. The ancient Romans said that a person was visited by reality. Einstein said that creativity was intelligence having fun.
The view that seems to prevail is the notion that some people are creative and some people are not. The creatives are the lucky so and so’s that can make things, solve problems, sing, paint, dance and we lesser mortals just have to admire them from the side lines. For most of our lives we are told that the only way to think is logically. When as children we wanted to think outside the box, play with the box or even get inside the box we were told in no uncertain terms not to be stupid. It is just as well that Edison the light bulb man and Alexander Graham Bell the telephone guy didn’t take logic all that seriously. Indeed if it wasn’t for some pretty sharp creative thinking here and there we would still be sitting on our haunches in the dark in a cave somewhere. Everything that you can see, everything that you enjoy, everything that you can do today is the result of someone’s creativity.
Arron says that creativity is like a butterfly. Let’s explore… You know how delicate and fragile butterflies are? You also know that they don’t live for long. Creativity flutters around bringing with it all sorts of outlandish and crazy ideas. It does this to test how receptive you are. If you poo poo the ideas then creativity will not visit again. You’re done! Everyone is creative…but everyone is creative in different ways. An idea comes to you from your imagination or day dreams and cross fertilizes with your unique way of seeing things, your experiences and your smartness. If you do not grasp the idea it will simply move on to the next person. Your creativity is as individual as you are and at the same time it is universal. Creativity is not precious. It visits anyone… old, young, rich, poor…whoever! It comes in the dead of the night and wakes you out of your sleep or it comes while you are washing the dishes. It is said the Einstein’s theory of relativity came to him on the bus. Archimedes theory came to him when he was in the bath. King Robert the Bruce of Scotland figured out how to overcome his enemies by watching a spider while he was holed up in the woods. My point is creativity comes when it comes all you have to do is pay attention and be ready.
What creative people have in common?
-One think I noticed whilst talking to Aaron is that he doesn’t question where his creativity comes from he just trusts what comes and he trusts that he will capture it and make something of it.
Self-doubt is the enemy of creativity.
-Creative people pay attention to life. Their antennae is always up.
-Creative people have a wide and wonderful interests and an even wider circle of friends. Sometimes the brilliant idea come from old folk who have been around longer. Nothing is new. It’s only being rehashed and rejigged. I get a lot of kudos from my son, when he hears me singing along to the latest tunes. Little does he know that the songs that I sing along to are usually a rejig of another song. [Case in point: ‘Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke is a r.jig of an old Marvin Gaye tune from the 70’s. Blurred Lines was successful because it was new but somehow familiar]. It is also good to notice what is trending with the young folk. One of the reasons why Madonna has enjoyed longevity in her career is because of her ability to keep an eye on what’s new and fresh on the streets with young people.
-One of the key features of a creative person is their ability to deal with failure. Every attempt at getting their dream into fruition is one step closer. Many laughed at Edison and his attempts to invent the light bulb, but he just keep going. Creators have a special relationship with failure. It’s a romance, a dance and for them all information is feedback.
– Creative people go it alone and this requires great courage and self-belief. It is difficult to stay on track when no one understands what you are going on about.
-Creative people are willing and to suffer for what they do. Of course everyone wants to be recognised for what they do but that is not the sole motivation of the creatives. To express themselves in what they do is as vital to them as the air they breathe.
If you have ideas you are imaginative when you turn the ideas into action then you are creative.
-Creative people live in the moment. That is to say they pull ideas from everyday situation and experiences. The guy that developed the selfie stick was mentally available when he saw people struggling to take pictures of themselves.
Setting the scene
-Change up your routine. Routine means that you have a mind-set that is set. There is no room for creativity. Set your mind to open, curious and receptive mode.
-Be super observant. Go to the park and just watch people. Better still go to the play area and have a go on the swings.
-Listen to people. What is it that they are talking about or even more to the point what are they complaining about?
-Stay in the here and now.
-Move. Put on some music and jump and prance around your living room. Pretend you are Michael Jackson and then do your best Elvis impression. Do not take yourself so seriously. No one has a PhD in creativity.
-Get yourself a standing desk. They are brilliant because they allow the blood and oxygen to circulate around your body more efficiently…which includes your brain.
When an idea comes… play with it have fun with it. Ask yourself the “what if “if you do this then the ideas will start to come thick and fast. At first my creativity butterfly fluttered around in the most awkward of places. I would be standing in line in the bank minding my own business…when an idea for a story would pop into my mind. Guess what…no pen and no computer. I would chant the idea in my head over and over again, hoping that I wouldn’t forget. The idea stayed with me long enough for me to turn the key in the lock to my apartment and then it was gone. Poof! I have learnt that creativity doesn’t make an appointment!
Creativity workout
It is important not to censure or judge the ideas. Creativity is very fickle and very sensitive. Here are 3 creativity workouts for you to play with…
1. How would you go about surviving if you were a fugitive on the run from the police for 28 days? Don’t even think about contacting your family and friends… your calls will be detected. They will be watching to see if you use credit cards…so you can’t use them. There is surveillance everywhere so you cannot use major roads or shops….you need to go undercover. What would you do to survive?
2. You are stranded on a desert island and the only thing you have is a paper clip. Name as many things you could do with your paper clip? Come up with at least 15.
3. How would you explain what you do for a living to a classroom full of 5 year olds?
4. Learn to juggle. Take up photography or painting. Learn to dance. Learn to say ‘good morning’ in 10 different languages.
When creativity comes to visit
-In order for creativity to come knocking on your door you have to create an environment that it will feel nourished in. When an idea comes no matter how of the chart…embrace it. That idea may not be the one… but the one behind it just might.
-Do not share your ideas with anyone until you have enough traction and no one can put you off your stride. I don’t think that people poo poo ideas intentionally it’s just that your friends, family or colleagues will not be in the same head space as you, you are the one that the butterfly visited not them so as much as they try they will not understand. You have to develop a relationship with creativity first and then once you make the ideas concrete you can share them….that’s the deal!
-Have access to pen or laptop. I have been known to write on my arm before. Creativity doesn’t care about the implement just as long as you get it down. Get the idea and write it down. You have to capture it. If not it will leave without a trace. All you will be left with is a nagging feeling that you should have done something. It’s a kin to the feelings you get when you think you forgotten to unplug the television.
Playing with your idea
-The problem with ideas is when they come its normal for you to think all things all together. It will work… it won’t work…nobody will buy into it…its brilliant…why didn’t I think of I before?
The Six Thinking Hat introduced by Edward De Bono is a cool way of playing with your idea. It is often used in creative arenas. The London underground map is a good way of describing the hats. The London underground map shows each direction in a colour code. If you want the Bakerloo line its brown. If you want the Northern line it is black and if you want the Metropolitan line then you need the blue. It is the same De Bono’s hats it directs your creative thinking. Each hats are coloured and relate to a different way of thinking.
White Hat. Approach your idea as a lawyer would. Gather all the facts and the data. Investigate what is out there on the web. What evidence do you have to support this idea?
Red Hat. Approach your idea as if you were defining your passion. What do you love about the idea? What does your gut instinct say about this idea? Give yourself permission to go with your feelings and emotions. What does this idea mean to you? Is it your passion?
Black Hat. Approach your idea as if you were a theatre critic. What don’t you like about the idea? Play devil’s advocate. A word of advice do not spend too much time being a critic. It could put you off for life!
Yellow Hat. Approach your ideas as if you were a dreamer. Now image that the world, the board room or your team loving the idea. Follow your dreams…where could you go with this idea. Allow yourself to bask in the glory….just for a little bit.
Green Hat. Approach your idea as if you were a builder. Take your idea and build on it. When you focus on your idea, do other ideas come to mind? What do you need to do to make this idea take off and grow?
Blue Hat. Approach your idea as if you were a police officer. Examine all the evidence you have gathered. What conclusions can you draws.
You can put each hat on… in no particular order and follow the directions of the colour. It is a very powerful tool and the results will be amazing. You’ll see!
Creativity is nature’s idea of continuous improvement. When it comes… treat it as a gift.
There some a point when you will have to release your creation back in to the world.
Here’s the thing and this is very important for you to understand. Once you have released whatever you have created to the world. It no longer belongs to you. There is no need getting sensitive about what people think about it. Some people will love what you do and some people will hate it. Yet the people who hate it may be the people that benefit the most in the end. Do not be disheartened. Do not let other people’s concepts of creativity define yours. Creative people travel light you are only as good as your next creation not your last. Every time you create you start anew. There is no back catalogue in the world of creativity. The only thing you need to do is be open. Follow the links…don’t judge. And trust yourself.
*Competition news* *Competition news* *Competition news*
For subscribers only…
How would you survive if you were a fugitive from the law.
The scenario
You get a tip of from a friend that the police are on to you. You have 1 hour to leave your home and disappear. You need to take all the things that you will need to survive for 28 days. The police have intelligence on your every move so you will have to go to ground. You cannot use roads, shops banks or any public places. You cannot call anyone as your number is bugged.
How original can you be… how creative are you be… how daring will you be?
Send me in no more than a couple of paragraphs how you would survive and I will send the 3 most compelling responses a copy of my book. You can choose from ‘Mind Synergy’ or ‘Engineer in Heels’.
Closing date: 30th April 2016
Get creative!
20 years experience….Consultant and Trainer to large companies including Microsoft and Intel…Subscribe and every 7 – 10 days you will receives… career coaching… life skills and professional advise…from me…Bev
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Do Well!!
Want to read more…order my books on Amazon.
Mind Synergy
Engineer In Heels
March 16, 2016
Personal branding: In 4 easy steps…
Not so long ago all you could hear wherever you went was talk about branding and more to the point personal branding. People went off to set up websites, YouTube accounts and blogs here, there and everywhere with no real rhyme or reason to it.
Personal branding is nothing new. Tom Peters made reference to it way back in his book ‘In Search of Excellence’ first published in the 1980’s. Napoleon Hill the author of ‘Think and Grow Rich’ talked about personal branding in the 1930’s. With the advent of social media and Kim Kardashian (ho-hum) personal branding has reared its head again and is all the more important. All of us now have the opportunity to get our talents out there and to be seen and heard.
You may not think it… but you already have a brand. You already are a brand. The question you must ask yourself is this:
“What does my brand say about me… and what do I want it to say about me?”
What is branding
In a complex world where there are so many decisions to be made on a daily basis, branding cuts out the guess work. When I go to Mc Donald’s I know exactly what I am getting. It doesn’t matter what country I’m in… the Big Mac is the same. I imagine that there are loads of start-up companies who feel they could take McDonald’s on. They feel that they could produce a better burger. The problem is that no one knows that they can. They may be able to produce burger heaven but unless people know about them their business will never get off the ground. The same goes for you. You are smart and talented but employers, customers and anyone who can help you achieve your goals need to know you. I had a discussion with someone the other day who told me that she didn’t agree with all this “personal branding malarkey” as she called it. I asked her how she thought should could help others to build their brand…which is effectively what everyone in business is doing… when she has no brand of her own or any social footprint to speak of. When you talk to potential employers’ customers and clients these days the first thing they do is check you out online. You need to have a presence!
Your Facebook page, your LinkedIn account and what you put up on social media is your walking… talking… living C.V.
Branding is the process necessary to get a product or a service in the forefront of peoples mind. It is not a one off exercise it is continuous and ongoing improvement…your improvement!
People buy things because it reflects who they are. Everything we choose to buy is a symbol of what is important to us. When we see a product produced by a company we need to know whether that company shares the same values as we do. This is why companies go to great lengths to talk about health, the environment or quality to show us they care about the things we care about. It is the job of branding and the brand to tell us that thy share the same values and aspirations in life. Great branding is not about how great a product is, it is showing how the product will make us look and feel great. When Nike run a campaign… they show people in action, keeping fit and getting healthy. They show us what peak performance is like and they invite us to join their club of fit people by buying the product. When we wear Nike products we are demonstrating our values and our lifestyle to others.
I ran a personal branding session in Poland not so long ago and I asked the delegates how many of them owned a Nike garment. I would say that 90% of the group owned something made by Nike. Then I asked them, how many of them actually worked out or went to the gym 3 or 4 times a week. Only about 20% of the group did any form of regular exercise. I wonder what Nike would say if they knew that people were buying their product so that they could pretend to everyone else that they were fit and healthy. Nike probably knows that there are only a few hard-core fitness fanatics amongst their customers. The rest of us simply aspire to be like them. Buying the tracksuits is probably as close as it gets to fitness for most. Buying the product keeps the dream alive!
Personal branding
In order for companies to brand their products effectively what they do is turn the product into a person with a name and a personality. They then market the ‘life style’ of the product so that people can identify with it and buy it.
Personal branding is different from product branding. You do not have to give yourself a name…. you already have one. You do not have to give yourself a personality… you already own one of those. What you need to do is the exact opposite of what Nike, MacDonald’s and Virgin do, you have to turn your name and personality into a product.
Personal branding is the process of marketing yourself as if you were a product
In order to do so… it is important to take 4 important steps: Authentic self, Unique brand, Customer obsession and Intentional career.
Authentic self…
You know when you hear a song and before you know it you can’t get it out of your head no matter how hard you try. You find yourself humming the ditty all the time much to the annoyance of very one around you. Well that is exactly what I am talking about here. Authentic self is discovering your signature tune. Your tune is synonymous to you. It is like what ‘I did it my way’ is to Frank Sinatra and ‘Blue suede shoes’ is to Elvis and Apple was to the late Steve Jobs. Your song defines you!
Writing your own song
What do you do?
How do you do what you do?
What is your passion? What do you love to do? Your passion is what you were designed to do. Your song should exploit your passions.
When you sit down to work on the lyrics to your brand consider what is important to you about what you do….and why people should sit up and pay attention.
Unique branding…
There are literally thousands of people doing what you do. Some can do it better some do it worst. Some have more experience and others have more opportunities. It doesn’t matter! One thing is true no one can do what you do like you do it. You need to capture what you do and how you do it and put it in a bottle. If you listen to 20 singers singing the same song each of them will put a twist on it. It stands to reason …they are different people. It is the difference no matter how slight that sets you apart from the crowd and can give you the edge.
Making your song special
Take time out to list your skills. Ask yourself what skills are you the most proud of and why? What is your approach to learning something new and how do you know when you have mastered a skill? Asking yourself these questions will cause you to examine you unique selling proposition. If you can’t find anything then do the exercise again with a friend.
If you are going to establish your brand you may have to upgrade certain skills such as presentation, communication and negotiation skills to be in keeping with your brand message. It is no good having a wonderful internet profile but you can’t string a sentence together in face to face interactions.
Consider how you are going to connect with the movers and shakers in your field? Social media will help you. Be a little discerning when choosing your social media networking services. Get to understand what each service can do for you and how to get the best out of them. The only thing to remember is that everything you put up on social media should be consistent with your brand. It is not a good idea for people to see your wonderful professional post in LinkedIn and then see you rolling out of a bar blind drunk on Facebook. Your message has to be consistent and congruent. In other words what people see is what they think they will get!
Having a presence on social media
It is agreed that there are over 200 social media networking services in existence. The majority come and go in and out of favour but the top 4 seem to stay and go from strength to strength. They are LinkedIn, Face book, Twitter and Instagram.
In a nutshell LinkedIn is excellent for professional networking. Facebook can show the kind of person you are, the face behind the professional persona…On Facebook you can show your interest, hobbies and if you are involved in a charity work. Twitter can be used to get a short sharp message out to the masses. It is also a great tool to pick up what is trending. Instagram is where you can post images of you and what you stand for. As well as the top 4, choose a networking service that specialises in what you do. This is important so that you can keep abreast of what’s going on in your field. For example I have an account with Goodreads which is a site for authors and readers to mingle. Remember less is more in all of these things don’t be a social media junkie.
It is paramount that you show social media etiquette. Do not join a group and start touting for work right away. You wouldn’t walk into Richard Branson’s office and demand a job….would you? The same applies on social media. You have to build connections. A good rule of thumb to adopt is to contribute to a group or post stuff regularly for about 6 months before you drop the fact that you are looking for work. If there is someone that you really want to hook up with send them a short letter of introduction and tell them why you think you could be useful to them. I wanted to connect with a very prominent person on LinkedIn. There was no reason why he would want to connect with me. But I sent my letter of introduction anyway and I thanked him for being so generous with his knowledge on the internet. 3 days later we connected. Flattery will get you everywhere it seems!
Customer obsession…
Now here’s where you get your song into employers, customer and stakeholders heads. You have to sing that song everywhere you go. You have to make it simple… yet impossible for them to ignore.
Making your song go viral
It is important for you to position yourself to your customers and clients as a business partner. If you succeed at this you will get yourself on their accredited list of preferred supplier or the ‘go to’ person for projects. How you do this is by finding out all you can about their business. What are their problems and how could you solve them. What are their customers saying about them?
It is a good idea to research the people that you want to work with so that you get to understand the Meta and micro communication. Meta communication is the sense you get from them. When you look at their website what feelings come to mind. What are they trying to say to their customer? Do they use visuals or is it text. Are they light and fresh or is it tradition and establishment. The micro communication is the tone they want to set. What words and phrases do they use to communicate who they are? I once was involved in a branding exercise for a medium sized company. It was a fascinating exercise. The whole processes was conducted in stages, workshops, focus groups and assignments. It cost literally hundreds of thousands of pounds in money, time and effort. Believe me when I say you should study the social media foot print of anyone you want to work with. Every word that they use has cost them a ton of money, a lot of agony and it means something to them!
When you understand their business model then you can come up with strategies on how to make them sit up and pay attention to you.
Once you understand their business…it is the necessity to establish yourself as a trusted advisor. You do this by demonstrating your integrity, credibility and professionalism at every juncture. You show them your commitment to continuous improvement. You show them that the reason why you work so hard is because their goals are your goals.
Intentional career
There is an old adage which says that if you do not manage your career then you are destined to work for someone who will manage your career for you. The problem with being passive with your career is that others may not always have your best interest in mind. Being intentional with your career is simply you being serious about how you earn a living. Let’s face it…you’re probably going to be working for a good few years to come so you may as well take it seriously and go as far as you possibly can. Make sure that you are awesome at what you do. Make sure that you upgrade your skills often. Make sure that you keep up to date with the latest thinking in your zone. The internet is excellent for that. Make sure that everything you do in your career is on purpose and directional. Have a game plan.
Getting your song to No: 1 in the hit parade
Where do you aim to be in the next year? Now where do you aim to be in the next 3 to 5 years? People do not plan to fail they just fail to plan so make a game plan!
What skills will you need along the way? Make a list!
Who can help you? Make a list!
So there you have it… 4 easy step to setting your brand in motion. You will not get famous overnight it takes a bit of time and effort to establish your brand but it is so worth it. Don’t overdo it. All it requires is about 30 minutes to 1 hour of your time every week to make yourself known, seen and heard within your industry.
Best of luck!
20 years experience….Consultant and Trainer to large companies including Microsoft and Intel…Subscribe and every 7 – 10 days you will receives… career coaching… life skills and professional advise…from me…Bev
Do Well!!
Want to read more…order my books on Amazon.
Mind Synergy
Engineer In Heels
March 9, 2016
The Alchemist leader makes magic
An alchemist is a person who can transmute metals. A leader uses alchemy to transform people. In ancient times alchemists were considered to be wizards because they attempted to make special elixirs that gave everlasting life and cured sickness. Leaders are modern day alchemists…they empower people to create their own elixirs. Alchemist leaders know that when people creates their own elixirs they can become leaders in their own right. The alchemist leader does not lead because of the power and the glory… neither for the status or recognition… they lead because their sole objective is to make leaders.
Think off a leader that you have had in the past who you respected. Why did you respect them? Was it because of their status? Probably not! Was it because of their knowledge and experience? Maybe! If you think about it, I will wager the reason why you respected this leader is because they respected you. It is so simple. Leading is about valuing people.
It doesn’t matter if the leader has a title or authority or an official team, somehow people feel they want to follow them simply because of the way they are. Thy have a code of conduct which is transparent, open, honest, clear and very cool which elicits trust from others.
“The leader is best when people barely know they exist when the work is done and the aim fulfilled the people say “we did it ourselves”
Lao-tsu
Mythical thinking
Leaders are born not made
There are some people it is true that are born with leadership vibes. Even in kindergarten they seem to be the ones that other kids want to be around. But because some people have a knack for leadership doesn’t mean we cannot learn from them. Leadership can be learnt. Most of us may be seduced into thinking that leadership is above us. If when you think of a leader you think of someone who is larger than life…bigger, stronger, more handsome than mere mortals, noble and true…that every time he or she speaks people become mesmerized… you’re thinking about the movies! In everyday life the leader is the one that speaks up for someone else. The youngster that helps an old person across the road. The person who is providing for their family. We are all leaders and we are all followers. Most of us have never been taught that leaders come in all shapes and sizes. We are left with the notion that leadership is not for the likes of you and me. If you take a look at your own life… you are the leader!
Leadership is a rare skill
We tend to think that leadership is for others because we were seldom given instructions on leadership. If we happen to take a class on leadership or we brushed up against leadership it is presenting in such a way as to reinforce the notion that it isn’t for us. The undertones is that leadership is for the elite. Those to the manor born. Those who were born for the sole purpose of leading. Those that have gone to the right schools and universities which supported their leadership ways. If you were born to a poor family then how could you be a leader? If you did not have a good education then how can you communicate? Yet history is not a hostage to conventions. History creates leader from all quarters. Gandhi. Martin Luther King. John F Kennedy. Nelson. Napoleon and you.
Leadership only exist at the top of the company
Lead is what leaders do. If you are waiting to get to a position of status to turn on your leadership charms… it may not happen. Real leaders it seems to me do not wait for a title nor does leadership need a title. You find leaders throughout a company. Mentoring, coaching, training, guiding, supporting, and showing others the way.
What is leadership?
Some people think that being a leader is glamourous job. They go for it with naked ambition. They crave the power and the glory only for themselves. They think that all they have to do is fire orders and people will follow. If only that were true! It may have been the case in times gone by. But it isn’t the case today. People are more discerning. They challenge more. People do not care what you have…they are only concerned with what you do. The alchemist leader leads by example.
“Leader are what leader do. People follow them because of how they feel when they follow them. They get addicted the feeling. It is like a drug”. Simon Sinek.
Manager’s v Leaders
In a nutshell a manager is a person who does things right and a leader is a person who does the right thing! Their skills overlap….organising, forecasting, planning, staffing, delegating… yet there is one essential difference between a manager and a leader. A manager is concerned with processes and systems. A leader is concerned with people. In a company that grows managers the managers do whatever it takes as long as they get the results the company needs. In a company that develops leaders the philosophy is if you take care of the people as your main priority then the people will take care of the work.
“Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall.”
— Stephen R. Covey
Leaders are true to themselves first and foremost
Leaders come in all shapes and sizes and from all walks of life. Companies that do not rate leadership may actually see the alchemist leader as a trouble maker. Are you the one that is always asking questions? Leaders go against convention. That’s what alchemist leaders do otherwise there would be no reason to lead.
You are not an alchemist leader if you sell yourself short or sell other people down the river. You would not be able to live with yourself if you went against your values. Standing up for what you believe in requires great courage. It means you have to go it alone sometimes. It means you may have to say things that people do not want to hear. But although it is risky business it is the very ‘thing’ that people are looking for. People want to see what you are made off. They want to know what you stand for or if you will crash and burn at the first hurdle. If you believe in yourself you give people around you permission to believe in themselves also. They are encouraged by your strength and conviction. In order for this to happen you need to show up and show them exactly who you are. If you show them yours… they will show you theirs!
The cost of leadership
When you decide you are an alchemist leader you will need to make personal changes. You will have to evaluate your values, belief and conduct to make sure that you set your standards high.
You will find it takes time to invest in yourself.
It will cost you money and effort to attend training, to buy books and to listen to talks on leadership.
It may cost you friends and colleagues because as you commit to yourself and move on in your quest you will have to leave some people whose values do not match yours behind.
It is lonely to be an alchemist leader. You have heard the expression “it is lonely at the top” so you better be clear why you want to be an alchemist leader.
Being an alchemist leader will cost you your options and your freedom. Because as a leader you only get to do what is best for your people.
You learn to lead by leading. You never learn to lead by talking about it
How an alchemist leader start
Develop yourself. The first person to work on is yourself. You need to know why you work and how you work and what conditions get the best out of you.
Lead yourself. What are your quests for the next 3 – 5 years? What is your vision and how are you going to get there.
Lead others. Start with a buddy, then move on to be a mentor for an intern. Hone your alchemy skills here.
Lead others to develop others. When you are a leader of a project always encourage the development and the sharing of skills in your team.
Lead others to lead others. When you are in the position develop a strategy were leaders lead others to lead.
What alchemist leader do….
In order to get the best out of people you have to really like people. While managers’ study charts and spreadsheets. Leaders study people. While managers’ focus on targets and results. Leaders focus on the behaviour that drives results. There is a vast difference.
When you focus on people and you listen to them you get to understand what makes them tick. You as an alchemist leader get to understand what conditions need to be in place to allow people to grow and glow.
Let me ask you a few of questions. These are random questions… but work with me…
-How does it feel in your body after you have gone for a run or a long hike?
-How does it feel when you achieve a goal?
-How does it feel when someone gives you a present or remembers something about you?
-How does it feel when someone says thank you for helping them when you were not expecting it?
-How does it feel when someone takes your advice and give you the credit for it?
I know the answers to all of the above…you feel awesome!
When we feel good about ourselves we releases certain drugs within us. The drugs in question are endorphins, dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin. These drugs are natural and are naturally released under the right circumstances. Alchemist leaders somehow knows this fact. It doesn’t matter how they know… intuitively, by accident, by design, by osmosis or by learning… it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that they activate these elements that reside in every one of us to create the elixir which enables people to give their best? The ideas around bringing out the best in people is nothing new. It’s just that for the alchemist leader this is the only objective. It is the basis of everything they do. The alchemist leader never forgets that without people there are no followers without followers then there is no leadership.
Endorphins
You release endorphins after a long workout or a physical challenge. Only a few people are work shy. Most people go to work because they want to work and succeed in what they do. If you provide people with a compelling vision, the reasons to believe and the training to achieve the vision they will go for it. People do not like wishy washy instructions. Neither do they like people who are not clear about the directions. Indecisiveness causes stress and anxiety in people. Stress releases cortisol and this drug can make people ill. Sick people do not work well.
How it’s done
-Alchemist leaders see further than others see. They see before others see. If you get on a plane you want the pilot to have a vision. They know where they are going and they take you with them.
-Alchemist leaders create a vision and get people to buy into it by showing them that by achieving the collective vision they will realise their individual goals.
-Alchemist leaders make the work challenging so that people work up a sweat. They also give them the training and the tools to do the job so that they can stay the course.
Dopamine and serotonin
When people succeed, the alchemist leader allows them to bask in the full glory and soak up the limelight. This is very important because it allows for the release of dopamine and serotonin. These are the drugs produced naturally by the body when you feel pride and a sense of achievement. One of the things that people absolutely hate is when someone takes the credit for something that they didn’t do.
How it’s done
-Alchemist leaders notice when people do a good job so that they can be recognised.
-Alchemist leaders delegate regularly thus giving people the opportunity to be stretched and to achieve.
-Alchemist leaders praise people very often. People may say that they don’t like to be praised. That is not true. What people don’t like is to be praised badly. It makes them feel uncomfortable. Alchemist leaders do it like this: they make the praise very personal to the person. They make it specific by detailing what the person did and how their actions contribute to the vision. They are right on time with their praise because they know that when you catch someone in the act of doing good work it releases a mega dose of hormones. They also make sure that the praise is from the heart and not because a manual or a training course tells them that it’s a good thing to do from time to time. If the alchemist leader doesn’t feel it they won’t do it!
Oxytocin
The alchemist leader make sure that people celebrate success. Time is never lost when people celebrate success. They encourage people to tell their stories and show their war wounds. This is good because it creates connections and bonding in the team. When people feel connected to each other it releases oxytocin.
How it’s done
-Alchemist leaders allow people to talk.
-Alchemist leaders roll up your sleeves when the going gets tough and show that they are not above hard work or getting their hands dirty.
-Alchemist leader show that they are human. Everyone has to do stuff. Unless you are Donald Trump, there are some basic task in life that you have to do. We all have to go to the supermarket or clean our homes.
These chores are universal and what unites us in a way. The alchemist leader shows that they are human first and a leader second…
The alchemist leader knows about these hormones that reside in the body. They know how to activate them and how to work with them to good effect. The alchemist leader motivates people from the inside. When a person experiences those good feelings they feel ‘on a high’ and they want more and they will follow the leader to the ends of the earth to get more.
The alchemist leader is born and is made. They make themselves into the kind of leader that develops people to realise the potential that lives within them. The alchemist leader creates the vision and the environment where people can learn, grow and have fun. The alchemist leadership knows the magic formulae that make people want to contribute. It cannot be found in a book, in models, in a theory or in rules or regulations. It can only be found in the people themselves.
More on how to be an alchemist leaders to come….watch this space…
20 years experience….Consultant and Trainer to large companies including Microsoft and Intel…Subscribe and every 7 – 10 days you will receives… career coaching… life skills and professional advise…from me…Bev
Do Well!!
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Mind Synergy
Engineer In Heels
Negotiate like Bruce Willis
February 29, 2016
Negotiate like Bruce Willis
Most of us when we think about negotiation we tend to think of Bruce Willis the actor in the brilliant movie Fifth Element when the bad guys demands that they send someone to negotiate… Bruce Willis’s character accepts the challenge and calmly shoots the alien in the face and then asks if anyone else wants to negotiate. That’s one way of doing it but it won’t work in business. Perhaps you think that negotiation is for captions of industry like Donald Trump, Richard Branson or even or heads of state. Actually it is not. You negotiate every single day. I am sure you negotiated traffic today or that seat on the train. You negotiated a deal on your house or car and you even negotiated your salary. I hope! It is something that you do so naturally that you don’t even realize you are doing it. The question is are you doing it well?
Negotiation is the process that you use professionally and personally to solve a problem, to make a decision or to resolve conflict. That act of negotiation should not be something that you shy away from because the results can be beneficially to all parties concerned. If you enter into it with an open and positive mind you can reach agreement creatively and get results that you may never have thought off. As they say two heads are better than one!
The chief skill of negotiations is communication. That is obvious! I’ll break it down and put the skills into order of importance. You will not be surprised to hear me say that the top three skills of negotiation are listening, empathy and questioning. Without these three you do not stand much of a chance of reaching a positive outcome.
The thing is this we hear but we do not listen. Hearing and listening are two different things. Listening is a skill that requires you to empty your mind of assumptions, pre-planned comebacks or retorts. In my negotiation class which I run for the Microsoft Corporation I run an exercise that you will remember from when you were young. It is called the telephone game. Simple and effective. The first round’s focus is hearing. I give a participant 3 words which they must pass on to the next person and so on without repeating them or clarifying them. As the words are passed on to each participant you can see the bewilderment on people’s faces. By the time it gets to the last person the 3 words become nonsense. In one class one word changed from English to the German word for smoking weed. Go figure! The second round of the exercise a different set of words are passed from participant to participant. This time they use active listening skills. Which are:
Repeating what you have heard
Paraphrasing and summarizing
Checking for understanding
Making verbal noises of encouragement
Asking questions
In the 2nd round when the 3 words get to the last participant it is exactly the same 3 words. Thus proving the power of active listening. How do you develop listening skills? It’s quite easy really stop talking. Stop the chatter in your head. Stop judging the person before they have actually said what they want to say and stop interrupting. Listen to talk radio. Play devil’s advocate. When you listen you are actually bonding with the other party on a humanistic level.
Try this next time you are in a conversation with someone:
-Listen to what the other party is saying. This gives you the content level
-How they say it. This gives you their ability to get their message across
-Listen if they repeat certain words. This tells you what is important for them
-Listen to note if there is emotion in the voice. This gives you the level of feeling or how attached they are to the subject.
Hand in hand with active listening is the powerful skill of empathy. Easy to say, hard to do. But when you get it right it can take your interpersonal skills to another level. To show empathy to another is to show that you understand what is going on for them in their world. Everyone wants to be understood right! When people feel understood they relax in your company and open up to your suggestions. Just simple phrases like “I understand…” “I appreciate your point of view…” and “I respect that…” can make a world of difference to the conversation.
The last of the big 3 skills is questioning. Become a master interrogator. Do you remember the T.V cop series Colombo? He was this disheveled detective who most people underestimated… at their peril. He just kept asking questions in a way that fooled people into thinking he was completely out of his depth and he didn’t know what he was doing. I recommend the Colombo approach, not to manipulate the other party, rather to give your inquiry a lighter touch. Say something like “I am just curious…” “Could you explain to me…?” “I must be missing something tell me why” You can influence and persuade others by simply asking questions in this way. By asking the question you gently get them to question themselves!
The missing ingredient
The most important ingredient in negotiation is you and your attitude towards it. Think about it. If you wanted to bake bread you need raw ingredients. If you put all the ingredients into the mix and then in an oven… voila you have bread. The better the ingredients the better the taste of the bread. It works the same for your approach to negotiations. So if you fill your head with all sorts of negativity and trepidation and then expect to get a successful outcome… It isn’t going to happen! In order to have a successful negotiation you have to have a positive mental approach and be ready.
Once you have your mind in the right gear then you can move on to look at your process. I tend to like the simple approach so here is one that is easy to follow.
Preparation
If you go into negotiation and you have not planned then you are setting yourself up for failure. Further to that you may be setting yourself up for humiliation when you find out that the other party has bothered to plan. How does the saying go?
“Prior planning prevents piss poor performance”.
When you plan you do not only think about what you are going to say, you also think about what the other party interests are. You anticipate their questions and you answer them yourself. You consider the objections to your proposal and you come up with solutions and work arounds. In other words get inside their heads and be one step ahead. If you are going for a job for example don’t just look at the company website everyone does that. Look at what their customers are saying about them. Look at their blogs and customer interface. The reason why you are being interviewed for a job is to solve the problems that their customers have. You can only know this by preparing.
Decide your objectives in advance
Think about what your desired outcome is and work back from that. How do you propose to get it? Most people look at the problem. When you fixate on a problem it gets larger. By focusing on the desired state you keep the negotiations positive. The other thing which is important here is to think about your plan B. A plan B is called BATNA in negotiation circles. This means a best alternative to a negotiated agreement. It stands to reason that if you have alternatives it will strengthen your resolve and gives you a lot more confidence.
Establish areas of common ground or conflict
When you go into a negotiation try to think about all the things that you both have in common. There may be more than you think. Both of you want a positive outcome. Both of you want to succeed. Both of you want the best. When you focus on common ground it enables you to establish rapport with the other party and sets a feeling of collaborators rather than opponents.
If there are areas of conflict then set them aside and work on the common ground issues first. After that you can go back to the conflict areas. They may not be so difficult now that you have rapport with the other party. Because both of you have made progress the other party may not be so willing to hold on to their conflict issues so tightly. If you start on the conflict issues it will drag everything down.
Bargain effectively
This is where you put forward your proposals. What are your ‘must have’ and what are you willing to trade. Sell the benefits of your proposal but be flexible and listen to all suggestions seriously.
Look for signals. It is a good idea to pay attention to body language during negotiations because when people feel out of their comfort zone they give off all sorts of cues. Look for the other party touching themselves more than normal which shows unease. They may suddenly fold their arms which can indicate that they have become defensive. All of these movements are indicators and can help you to better ‘read’ and build up a picture of the other party.
Reach agreement
Negotiation should not go on indefinitely with both parties discussing every small detail. At some point it will be important to reach an agreement that you and the other person can live with. Intel has a nice phrase that they use when they get stuck in negotiations: Disagree and commit
Summarize the outcome
When agreement has been reached, take the coordinating role of tying up all loose ends. It is important to restate the main features and benefits of the negotiated topics so that all parties are clear about what they are getting and what they are getting into. Follow up with an email as soon as you can!
Now let look a few approaches to Negotiations
Adversarial based negotiation ABN
The ABN approach is one that you can adopt if you do not care about building a relationship with the person. It is a one off. Even so, it is always a good idea to be straight, fair and work in integrity. You never know right when stuff may come back to haunt you.
The adversarial approach
Ask for more than you expect to get.
So, let’s say that I want to negotiation my salary at a job interview. The offer on the table is, for argument sake 20 thousand Euros. I have done my homework and I decide that I want 25. I will not ask for 25 because if I do the only way to go is down. So I ask for 30 thousand. How do I arrive at 30 you say and why don’t I ask for 40 thousand or something like that. Well if you ask for 40 thousand it shows that you have no idea what the market price is for your job. The formula is called bracketing. First you have to know what is on the table. Second you have to decide what you want and off course you have to have a plan B. What you do next is take away the figure of what they (the company) are willing to give and the figure you want (which in the example is 5) and add it to the figure of what you want, so 25 and 5 is 30. So you ask for thirty. So now the negotiation gap is between 20 and 30. Most people tend to want to meet somewhere in the middle. This creates win win. It is important not to be too rigid if it is the job of your dreams…if they cannot offer you more than 22, then you may take it and think about what else they can offer you. Training? Travel? Working from home? Who knows… you are only limited by your own creativity. Whatever the offer is, take a moment to think it over. For two reasons: One you want to check if it is a good offer or did you get carried away in the heat of the moment. Two, if you say “ Yes too quickly somewhere in the back of the other parties mind they will think that if they held out a bit longer they could have talked you down…and that is not win/ win.
It is normal in negotiations when you say you want a certain thing for the other party to exclaim, don’t be afraid of the wince or the sudden intake of breath…this tells you that you have picked it right. If they were to say something like “don’t be ridiculous” then you have pitched it too high but if they wince that’s OK. Now is the time to persuade them why they should employ you or buy your brand.
It is a good idea in this type of negotiation to try not to make the first offer. If the other party insists them make the offer so ridiculous that they have to say something. When they do then you have established the negotiation gap right there.
Interest based negotiation IBN
IBN approach is the one to choose when you have a long term relationship with the other party and you want to perverse it. In this approach you are hard on the problem and soft on the person. It is important to show flexibility. So do not go into the detail of the topic to be negotiated before you have established:
The outcome. What is the desired outcome for you both?
The criteria. Using criteria keeps the conversation from becoming heated and you can use the criteria to stay on track.
How decisions will be made. You need to establish this so that everyone feels comfortable.
How people will be treated in the proceedings. This is like a code of conduct. So you could say that we will give every idea a fair hearing. We will not talk over anyone who’s talking.
In my negotiation class I set up an exercise where people can get emotional and lose sight of the objective. The task is to agree a charity to which the whole class will give an equal amount of money. In my experience of training, people seldom establish ground rules and criteria. They prefer to get straight into it. It becomes a war of words and emotions. Establish criteria prevents stuff from becoming emotional.
There are so many dirty tricks in negotiations it is almost impossible to cover all of them. People will do anything if they are desperate. Here are a few of the most common.
Dirty Trick
Antidote
Deadlines
All deadlines are moveable. If someone is pushing on a deadline ask
“What will happen if we do not reach your deadline” do not be intimidated by deadlines.
Good cop bad cop
This one is used when the other party says something like “Please can you do this for me otherwise my boss is going to kill me”. Do not succumb to this. Say something like “This sounds like good cop/bad cop on the T.V” Gently remind them that you are on to them.
Cherry picking
If the other party wants to cherry pick. That is to say they want this but they reject something else. Point out to them the consequences of not accepting the full option.
Putting your product services or company down
Say “I am sorry that you feel this way I hope it will not affect us working together today” Whatever they say or do…do not retaliate.
When they get angry
Do not take it personally
Listen actively
Empathise. Maybe they have a right to be angry
Address the problem and not the anger
If they want to speak to your manager
This is a tricky one. Some people say that they if they want to speak to my manager then I pass them on. I say try to hold on as much as possible to the negotiations. Once it is out of your hands you have no control. Passing someone on to your manager to deal undermines your credibility in the eyes of the other party and eventually in the eyes of your manager. This is not a good thing when it comes to job review and promotion time.
So the next time they say “Send someone in to negotiate” You will not need Bruce Willis!
20 years experience….Consultant and Trainer to large companies including Microsoft and Intel…Subscribe and every 7 – 10 days you will receives… career coaching… life skills and professional advise…from me…Bev
Ta!
December 2, 2015
Could you be the cause of your own stress?
Stress is one of those words that is part of our daily life these days. You either have it…had it, or running away from it.
Stress occurs in your system when the demands of your environment are in conflict with your ability to cope. It is when you feel physically, mentally and performance over loaded. Most of us when we feel stress creeping up on us, make a decision to pull back, do a few time management tricks and consider our work life balance. We make promises to the stress gods that we will eat better and exercise more. Buying time. All of these methods can work. But when we look at what really causes stress most of the time we miss out the most important ingredient. Ourselves! Think about it. When you have a day off do you have to log on to the office just to check on things? When you go away on holiday are you bored out of your skull after 20 minutes on a beach? Do you get the shakes if you do not have internet access for more than an hour? When your mobile beeps do you have to take a look?
You see we all tend to think that stress is caused by external factors. But what if most of the stress that you experience is self-imposed. What if you are your own worst enemy when it comes to stress?
It goes something like this.
As a child you were depend on the ‘Big People’ for love and care and you would do anything to please them. (‘Big People’ is anyone who had influence over you in your formative life). It was essential to your survival to please them. They in turn had the responsibility to make you a model citizen. To be someone that they could be proud of. So they gave you messages about values, code and conduct. Sometimes these messages were mixed and confusing. So you did your best to interpret the messages. Over time these messages became self-imposed rules in your head. You said to yourself “If I do this or that then the ‘Big People’ will love me and not abandon me.” Now in adulthood you say to yourself “If I do this or that I will be Ok as a person in the world.” Because these self-imposed rules were installed in your childhood they make no sense in your life now. They are archaic. Because these rules are unconscious they have even more power over you because you cannot challenge that which you don’t know. These rules cause you a lot of stress because they are unobtainable. When you get stressed the rules intensify thus making you even more stressed. It is a vicious circle.
The renowned psychologist Taibi Kahler called these rules ‘drivers’. According to her there are 5 drivers that exist in everyone to a more or lesser degree: Be perfect. Please others. Hurry up. Be strong and Try hard. You might even have 2 drivers to beat yourself up with.
The table below shows how the messages from the ‘Big People’ became drivers.
What the ‘Big People’ meant to say …
What the ‘Big People’ actually said …
How you interpreted it …
Achievement, autonomy, success, being right
Don’t
· make a mistake
· take risks
· be natural
· be childlike
Be Perfect
Consideration, kindness, service
Don’t
· be assertive
· be important
· be different
· say ‘no’
Please Others
Courage, strength, reliability
Don’t
· show your feelings
· give in
· ask for help
Be Strong
Persistence, patience, determination
Don’t
· be satisfied
· relax
· finish
Try Hard
Speed, efficiency, responsiveness
Don’t
· take long
· think
· relax
· waste time
Hurry Up
Now that you have an idea of how drivers came about you might like to have a go at the questionnaire below to ascertain your own particular driver or drivers and how you stress yourself out.
Drivers Questionnaire
Complete the following questionnaire. Look at each statement and circle a number. The number indicates to what extent you agree or disagree with the statement:
Statement
Strongly disagree
Disagree
Unsure
Agree
Strongly agree
1. I usually pack a lot into my work
1
2
3
4
5
2. Quality is important to me
1
2
3
4
5
3. It is difficult to organise my work because I am so overworked
1
2
3
4
5
4. When new projects come up I usually volunteer
1
2
3
4
5
5. I believe in setting challenging targets for myself
1
2
3
4
5
6. I sometimes make mistakes through hurrying
1
2
3
4
5
7. I am often the one to spot the mistake
1
2
3
4
5
8. I believe in good communication in the team
1
2
3
4
5
9. I like to see the big picture
1
2
3
4
5
10. People view me as aloft and unemotional
1
2
3
4
5
11. Colleagues find it difficult to keep up with me
1
2
3
4
5
12. I refer quality over quantity
1
2
3
4
5
13. People say I do not speak up for myself
1
2
3
4
5
14. I tend to leave stuff unfinished
1
2
3
4
5
15. I prefer not to delegate I refer to do things myself and in my way
1
2
3
4
5
16. I usually tell people to hurry up
1
2
3
4
5
17. People ask me to read their emails to see if it reads well.
1
2
3
4
5
18. People come to me first when there is a problem
1
2
3
4
5
19. I enjoy thinking up new ideas
1
2
3
4
5
20. I work well under pressure
1
2
3
4
5
21. As long as the job is done quality is not an issue
1
2
3
4
5
22. Delegation is difficult because people never give you the results you expect
1
2
3
4
5
23. Team spirit is very important to me
1
2
3
4
5
24. Others say that I tend to talk about things that have nothing to do with the subject at hand
1
2
3
4
5
25. Keeping my feeling under control is very important to me
1
2
3
4
5
26. When listening I just want the person to get to the point
1
2
3
4
5
27. I prefer to take my time rather than make mistakes
1
2
3
4
5
28. I find it difficult to say “no”
1
2
3
4
5
29. I tend to ask a lot of questions to find out what is going on
1
2
3
4
5
30. People think I can take care of myself
1
2
3
4
5
31. People say I speak quickly
1
2
3
4
5
32. I pay attention to details
1
2
3
4
5
33. People say I am a good listener
1
2
3
4
5
34. I lose interest in task if they go onto long
1
2
3
4
5
35. I enjoy working long hours
1
2
3
4
5
36. I tend to get impatient with people who take their time
1
2
3
4
5
37. Sometimes I get too involved with the detail
1
2
3
4
5
38. I have difficulty getting people to listen to me
1
2
3
4
5
39. New ideas excite me
1
2
3
4
5
40. I am always calm under pressure
1
2
3
4
5
Scoring
Insert the score for each question into the score grid below. Sum up each column and enter the total score for each work style in the boxes.
Q no
Score
Q no
Score
Q no
Score
Q no
Score
Q no
Score
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
Total
Total
Total
Total
Total
Hurry Up Be Perfect Please People Try Hard Be Strong
The results
HURRY UP
Myth: Everything must be done as quickly as possible. “I will get a reward if I finish quickly”
Primary fear: Life
Symptoms: Rushing everywhere, driving fast, over filled diary at work and at home, speaking quickly, interrupting others, hate queuing or waiting, hard for you to relax.
Most likely to say: “I’m in a hurry” “How long will it take” “Get a move on” “This is tiresome” “No peace for the wicked” “Time’s money” “I don’t have time for that” “It’s a waste of time”.
Significant body language: Fidgeting and twitching. Brows knotted into vertical lines between the eyes, speaking rapidly and interrupting self and others, breathless, eyes shifty, taps fingers or feet.
Productive Behaviour: Efficient, responds well to urgency and deadlines, gets lots done in the day, quick thinking.
Unproductive behaviour: Mistakes, carelessness, interruptions, too many irons in too many fires. Impatient, Hate people who waste your time, waiting around for things to happen.
How others see you: lively, energetic, dynamic, adventurous, impatient, scatter brained…running around chasing your tail…always finishing their sentences.
Your biggest stress: Not achieving. Having a wasted day.
Your stress antidote: It is easier said than done for you to take it easy but that is exactly what you have to learn to do. While you are rushing around all over the place you are missing out on enjoying the fruits of your labour. You are missing out on your own life essentially. Having nothing to do is stressful for you, so build in times when you can reflect on your life little and often. Start with 20 minutes in the week and built up from there until you can take a whole afternoon off and simply do nothing. Learn to meditate or take up yoga. Do not multitask. Do one thing at a time and finish what you started. This will give you a better sense of achievement in the long run. Listen more and talk less. Live in the here and now. Your motto: yesterday has passed and tomorrow will take care of itself.
Read: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
PLEASE OTHERS
Myth: Please others even if they haven’t asked, I have to get it right for you.
Primary fear: Being blamed or criticised.
Symptoms: Lots of smiling, good eye contact, head nodding and listening, gets very anxious if there is conflict or anger, concerned about other people’s opinion and what they think.
Most likely to say: “I mean…you know”, “Dear… love…darling” “that is not what I meant too” “you know”, “I meant”, “You can’t please everyone” “I don’t know what to say” “you misunderstand me” “look what I did for you”
Significant body language: Nods head, raises eyebrows, not good at making eye contact. Runs fingers through hair, horizontal lines on forehead, questioning inflexion when speaking.
Productive Behaviour: Flexible, adaptable, concern for others, team player, intuitive, particularly to people’s feelings, good listener.
Unproductive behaviour: finds it difficult to confront, finds it difficult to say “no”
How others see you: willing, likable, friendly, considerate, empathetic, a doormat, a push over, you may appear manipulative, or insincere to some.
Your biggest stress: If I disagree with you, you may not like me, if I am rejected what will I do? You think you are responsible for how others feel. You hate being ignored criticised or blamed.
Your stress antidote: Your issue is that you are overly concerned about what people think about you. Make the decision that what people think about you is none of your business. Your challenge in life is to know what you think about you. You need to be more assertive. You are not here on this planet to win friends and influence people by being a door mat, Say this to yourself “ this is me this is what I believe in” You are here to express yourself in whatever format you choose. Assertiveness techniques will teach to how to do this. Speak up for yourself. If you disagree with something or somebody know that you will not be struck by lightning. Learn how to say no. If you cannot say no your yes is worthless. Think about it; if you said yes to a child all the time, instead of being kind you are actually spoiling the child. By learning to say no you are training people how to treat you. Think about all the things that you are good at and accentuate the positive. For the next 6 months read as many self-help books as you can. They do work!
BE STRONG
Myth: I can cope, to show any form of weakness is bad.
Primary fear: rejection or being vulnerable
Symptoms: Distant, aloof, unemotional and detached.
Most likely to say: Strong/weak, boring, pull yourself together, I don’t care, no comment, vulnerable it’s no good getting upset/crying over spilt milk, you don’t appreciate what I am saying
Significant body language: Over-straight back, legs crossed, apparently in Adult while actually in Adapted Child, pulls socks up, lack of lines on face
Productive Behaviour: Calm under pressure, firm but fair, strong sense of duty, work at unpleasant tasks
Unproductive behaviour: Will not delegate, work long hours, unemotional when the situation needs empathy.
What people think of you: Reliable, trustworthy, rock solid, unapproachable. Cold and lacking empathy.
What stresses you: Not having all the facts. Forced to talk, being vulnerable, and being close to others, team building events…. looking stupid.
Your stress antidote: You could benefit from learning emotional intelligence. Kindness doesn’t mean weakness. Showing vulnerability from time to time is a good thing because it allows others to open up to you and for people to get closer to you. When Confucius was asked what he considered to be the greatest strength that human could possess, he answered ‘empathy’. Empathy is a virtue. Develop your empathy muscle. Decide that it is Ok to ask for help. Consider your work life balance you don’t want to become a workaholic do you? Take time off to be with friends and family. I would be a good idea of you could find a hobby were you do not have to think too much and it is simply for fun. Something like drawing or dancing.
Read anything by Brene Brown. She does an excellent talk on TED talks about vulnerability.
BE PERFECT
Myth: Being right every time first time.
Primary fear: Loss of control.
Symptoms: Deliberate speech, immaculate clothes, everything need to be just so, getting into detail, control issues.
Most likely to say: Perfect/worthless, clean/dirty, tidy/untidy, should/shouldn’t, obviously, actually, as it were, depression, believe, of course, exactly, actually, precisely, absolutely.
Significant body language: Precision, won’t be interrupted, itemising and numbering of points while talking, purses bottom lip between forefinger and thumb. Doesn’t listen.
Productive behaviour: Organisation skills, planning ahead, accurate, logical and concerned with the ‘How’ Purposeful, moral, very high standards, task-orientated, logical.
Unproductive behaviour: Depression, rage, critical, autocratic, dogmatism, bigotry, over thinking. May not meet deadlines, overly critical of self and others, will not delegate, over complicating things.
What people think of you: Structured, organised, detached, exact, reliable, and trustworthy. Creating issues where there are none.
What stresses you: Mistakes and carelessness, loss of control, certainty and structure, you struggle in times of high change.
Your stress antidote: You need to learn that perfection doesn’t exist. There is nothing wrong with striving for excellence but trying to be perfect in everything you do is too much pressure. What do you want to prove and to whom? Chances people already think that you are amazing. If you overdo it people will to feel comfortable in all your amazing perfection. You will make people feel inadequate and you may find yourself alone. Decide to have perfection ‘down times’ where you just let things go. You cannot control everything and so control the things you can. Learn to use mistakes as a learning tool, when given a task at work ask what the criteria for success is and go with that. Learn to laugh at yourself and don’t take yourself or life so seriously. Take a drama class. In the class you will learn about more than perfection you will learn about interpretation. You will also learn how to lighten up.
TRY HARD
Myth: It’s the effort that counts.
Primary fear: failure (and success)
Symptoms: I try to do that but it didn’t work.
Most likely to say “Here’s something that I could have a go at”, lots of questions, has a trail of unfinished jobs at work and at home Try, could/couldn’t, impossible, inferior/superior, fail/succeed, I don’t know, it’s hard, lucky/unlucky, I’m better than/ not as good as you/him/her.
Significant body language: Sitting forward, elbows on knees, chin in hand, puzzled look, asks more than one question at a time, does not answer questions and falters when talking.
Productive Behaviour: Persistent, enthusiasm, earnest, innovative, creative, hard worker, setting high goals.
What others think of you: Passionate, motivated, enthusiastic, and interested. Butterfly, faddish fickle, no attention to detail, superficial, a dreamer.
Unproductive behaviour: Not finishing task, getting bored easily, wants to do own stuff rather than follow the team goals.
What stresses you: being criticised, Fear of failure.
Your stress antidote: You have to learn that you are good enough. You do not have to prove anything to anyone. You have to work on your self-esteem. And appreciate yourself more. The world accepts you at the same level you accept yourself so if you believe in yourself the world will believe in you Think more of yourself and your abilities the world will believe in you. One thing you can start to do is to set some clear goals. What do you want to achieve in your career, relationships and your health? What do you want to have in your life and what do you want to do? Make a list and stick to the plan, and stop volunteering for everything, instead choose one thing and be the ‘go to’ person for that thing. Anything which comes up which is not on your list, doesn’t get done unless you add it to your list. Setting clear goals for yourself and achieving then will enhance your self-esteem and confidence no end and work wonders for your internal stress. Take a class. Learn a language. Get fit!
If you want to understand more about your mind and how you can have a more efficient mind and a more effective life, read: ‘Mind Synergy’ by yours truly Bev Baker available on Amazon. Find me on Facebook, LinkedIn, twitter, or drop me an email: Bev@bevbakerseminars.com
July 26, 2015
Confidence is not only for the birds!
What do you think confidence is? Why do you want more? Who do you think has it?
Mechanical physicists have for centuries tried to figure out how birds can migrate from one part of the world to another without getting lost. Birds like the robin take off from one part of the world and end up at their destination on time every time. How do they do that? They have no map, no clock and no mobile to alert fellow travellers of turbulence ahead. All they do is spread their wings and fly. What can they tell us about confidence?
My friend George told me about a family of birds that had nested in his loft. He could hear the mother feeding the babies. One day all the birds left expect for this one bird. The mother kept coming back to the bird to feed him and give him a pep talk but in the end he gave up and died. Not even his mother could save him. At some point the babies had to fly, the mother feed them, coached them, took them to the edge of the opening in the loft and demonstrated what they should do. The babies that took a leap of faith lived and the one bird that didn’t believe, died.
Confidence is the faith that you will be OK no matter what challenges you face.
Life is tough enough, you need all the confidence you can get. Most people are simply looking for confidence in all the wrong places. They search here and there and when they don’t find it, they think that there is something wrong with them.
I want to explain confidence in three different ways. Not all of us have the same issues with confidence, for some just a booster will do. For others, they need a complete overhaul.
I’ll explain the three choices and you can take your pick, or do all three.
Confidence as an act
This type of confidence has everything to with your self-image and the way you present yourself to the world. The way you feel about yourself is attached to the way you look. Once I was working with a client who had little confidence. I was amazed that she lacked confidence. She was articulate and very successful. Every week she came for her counselling session and I must admit I struggled to find anything to offer her. Too me she had it all. At one session we were chit chatting and she told me that she had no time in her life to do anything. She had no time to enjoy the success that she had, not even to spend time with her boyfriend. I told her that for twenty minutes a day she should sit and eat her food. She should concentrate on every morsel that entered her mouth. She should call it ‘me’ time. The next appointment was a revelation. Into my office walked this confident creature. She reported that because she had taken those twenty minutes out of her day to concentrate on just one thing she had started to think about herself and appreciate herself more. She found that she wasn’t gulping down food in order to rush to the next event. She found that she was taking her time to eat and allowing the ‘full’ signal to reach her brain. Because she was conscious of her food she was choosing lovely nutritious food. She lost weight. That was all she needed. She bought herself a complete new wardrobe (believe me she had the money to do it), a fresh new haircut and that was that!
If you want a quick confidence boost give yourself a makeover. This is not as superficial as it may sound. What I am actually suggesting is that you take a good look at your brand. What does your brand say about you?
If you were a supermarket what type of supermarket would you be? Lidl? Fortnum and Masons?
If you were a clothes shop what would you be? Bargain basement? Zara? Harrods?
Maybe it is time for an upgrade. I don’t have to tell you that first impressions are lasting impressions. Humans are like that. It’s all about survival at the end of the day. People like people who are like them because they feel safer.
Psychologist say that people make up their mind about you with in the first five seconds of meeting you. If they like what they see they will give you what is called the ‘halo effect’, which means that whatever you do and say is fine by them. They hold you in high esteem. If on the other hand they do not like what they see they give you the ‘horn effect’, which means that you will have to work like crazy to gain their respect and approval. The world will accept you based on how you accept yourself. If you say with your clothes and grooming that you think you’re special, then the world will see you that way too.
I travel a lot for work and normally I wear jeans or joggers to travel from country to country. One day I had to attend a business meeting before taking a flight and so I was in full business regalia. At the checkout desk an official appeared from nowhere and asked me for my details. Then she told me she had upgraded me to business class. When I asked her why she said that I looked the part. I don’t think she would have upgraded me if I was wearing the jeans and t-shirt that I normally do, that’s for sure.
Choose a person in the public eye that you admire and you like the way they look. Choice someone who has your body type. If you have the shape of Oprah Winfrey then choosing Lady Gaga as your fashion icon may be a little bit of a stretch. If you are a fan of the band ACDC then it may not be good career move to turn up for work dressed in full heavy metal gear. The reason why I say choose someone in the public eye is because typically these people have expert stylists who will have done the hard work so that you don’t have to.
Analyse what they wear and use them as your style guru, or adopt a small part of their style and make it your own. I am not suggesting that you go out and spend a fortune, but every time you need a new item of clothing, or whatever you can choose something that your icon would perhaps choose. In this way you are creating your brand and aligning it with a more established brand.
Body language makes an amazing amount of difference when it comes to your confidence.
Did you know that body language accounts for fifty-five percent of face to face communication?
None of us take things for granted we still have that old survival instinct and we can quickly work out whether we are in a dangerous situation or not just by accessing body language.
I once ran an experiment, which you can easily do too. I walked to my friend’s house, which is about twenty minutes away. For the first part of the experiment, I walked as if I was depressed, shuffling with my shoulders hunched, and it was as if I were invisible. Mothers drove their pushchairs into my ankles, people cut across me as if I wasn’t there and I felt myself getting very angry. However, for the final ten minutes of my journey I put my shoulders back. I walked like a super model, or how I think a super model walks down the street. I looked straight ahead at people with a ready smile, and people began to move out of my way. I was walking with confidence. Think how you walk into a room. How do you command attention? Think about how you sit at the table. If you sit as if you have a right to be there people will ‘lean in’ to you.
Never cross your legs or arms at a meeting. This gives the impression of being defensive and closed. If you demonstrate open body language people will see you as confident and they will be more open to your ideas.
Since our minds are connected to our bodies, if you want to train your mind to be more confident them work on your body language.
Confidence as a skill
This is second level confidence. If you want to go a little deeper into gaining confidence then you can go down the skills route. Imagine that you decide to learn to dance. You attend your first dance class and the teacher tells the class to go to the centre of the room. She demonstrates the steps that you are going to learn and leaves everyone aghast. You go into an altered state of consciousness and wish that the ground would open up and swallow you whole.
You are unconsciously incompetent. This is the first stage of learning anything! You don’t know what you don’t know. You develop two left feet and you shuffle around looking more like Nelly the elephant than a dancer.
You persevere and move to the next stage of acquiring a skill. This is called consciously incompetent. You know what you don’t know. Here you discover that there is more to the skill than meets the eye. You are aware that there is a lot to learn. This is the stage where fear creeps in. The fear of looking stupid, being conspicuous, a failure or being ridiculed is overwhelming. It is at this point that most people give in or give up.
Back to my dancing analogy. You still have two left feet. Yet you persevere to the next level, which is called consciously competent. At this stage you know what you know. You know that if you put one foot in front of the other something happens. You know that if you concentrate with all your might, you and the beat can stay together. You persevere and practice and suddenly you are moving and smiling at the same time. This stage is called unconsciously competent. This means you don’t know what you know. At this stage you don’t have to think about what you are doing. You dance with anyone at any time. You have learnt how to dance. It is the same for every single skill that you learn and will ever learn. Once you have mastered a skill you don’t have to think about doing it you just do it. Continuous learning and learning many things increases your confidence. Take a class in a random subject can activate your confidence even more. Why? Because there is no pressure to perform or get things right.
One thing that destroys confidence is when you is compare yourself to others. If you do this stop it now! It is eating your confidence. Everyone is unique and special. You can never be the person you are comparing yourself to and they can never be you.
No one can approach your life like you do you do. No one thinks like you do. And no one does it like you do. Isn’t it time to start working on your brand!
Confidence as the absence of self.
The law of correspondence decrees ‘so above so below’ or ‘so within so without.’ As we know the universe is made up of patterns. For example if you look into the patterns of the mighty solar system you would see that it has similar patterns as the tiny atom. They are connected by their similarities and they are different because of their differences. When you see someone with confidence, their behaviour is a pattern behaviour. The only way you recognise the pattern behaviour of confidence in front of you is because you have the same confidence potential inside you. Confidence is within you waiting for you to show up and turn it on. It rests within you and if it didn’t you would not recognise it in others.
This takes us back to the migrating bird. How is it that a bird weighing just a few grams can make it half way across the world? You must agree that takes a lot guts.
The methods that birds use to get across the world are complex. Some say that they migrate because of food but this has been found not to be the case. Birds fly long before their food supply runs out. When birds fly they seize every opportunities available. They exploit the winds to their advantage. They sometimes switch lanes to get the best wind. Some birds soar up high and other birds stay low. Some fly none stop and some make several stops. One thing that they all do is that they all prepare for the trip. Sorry for these horrible puns but ‘Birds do not fly by the seat of their pants’ and ‘birds do not wing it’.
They prepare for their trip. They lie down fat reserves and make sure that their feathers are in tip top condition.
Preparation is the key to confidence!
Studies suggest that birds orientate themselves to the compass points using the position of the sun during the day and the stars in the night. They can sense magnetic north. Some have a sort of built in GPS called magnetite which connect them to the earth magnetic field. In addition they use clues such as visual layouts of the land, smell of the sea, sound of the waves and the sound of the wind through the mountain range. All of this is pretty awesome when you stop to think there is no map. The journey unfolds as the bird flies.
Now what has all of this got to do with confidence? Everything! Birds do not have a manuals entitled “How to fly half way around the world for dummies. How come, a bird weighing less than the protein on your dinner plate has enough confidence to do what it has to do? The answer is that the bird doesn’t think about it. The bird puts its focus on the task at hand and not on itself and its ability to do the task.
Supreme confidence is the absence of second guessing, over thinking and self-doubt. The only things to consider are these. Do you have the skills? Yes, then do the skills. If you don’t have the skills, then go and get the skills. Do you have opportunities in your work, then grab those opportunities with both hands. If you do not have opportunities then go out and find them.
Don’t for a minute think that it isn’t scary. In fact being confident is being afraid most of the time. Confidence is knowing that when you spread your wings to fly that you cannot fail… because you also got GPS!
May 6, 2015
The anatomy of charisma
I am looking at the activities of the British Politicians at the moment. Suddenly they have remembered us. David Cameron declares that he “loves babies” and sets about kissing every baby in sight. Funny that because I do not remember his fondness for babies over the last eight years. I haven’t seen a photo opportunity with him with his own children, let alone other peoples. What is it about politicians taking photos in their kitchens? There they are standing in their ‘own’ kitchens drinking coffee and asking us to believe that they are normal. Note to politician nobody stands around drinking coffee in their kitchen. We, the people drink coffee at our desks or on the go! And nobody wears their shirt buttoned up to the neck in their own kitchen!
I turn my attention to the other side of the water and I notice that Obama was in Jamaica. I may be bias. OK I am bias, but Jamaica is one of the coolest nations on the planet. Obama doesn’t need babies to kiss and he isn’t posing in someone’s kitchen. He doesn’t pretend to get down with the people although I think he could if he wanted to. He gets up and does his thing and has everyone eating out of his hands. What is this thing that Obama has oozing out of every vein? It is the thing that British Politician tries on for size every 4 years only to find that it doesn’t fit.
The answer is charisma!
Charisma is that certain something that everyone has but some people capitalise on. It seems to me that if you utilise your charisma, it makes the journey in life smoother. You can influence more. You can lead more. People listen more and they laugh at all your jokes.
The dictionary says that charisma is a special power that some people have naturally that makes then able to influence and attract attention and admiration. But what is this special power and can we learn it?
Charisma isn’t something that some lucky few are born with and others not. Many years ago we believed that great leaders were born. It is called the Trait Theory. Now we know that leaders are born and also made. The same is true for charisma. Some have a propensity for it and they demonstrate charismatic traits easily. The rest of us we can take what we have and cultivate it. We can look at people who demonstrate charisma naturally and learn from them.
I looked at a few people in the public eye who for me demonstrates charisma and I noticed 7 main ingredients.
Number One – Self Belief
This trait is at the heart of all people with charisma. The belief in themselves and what they want to achieve is unwavering and beyond doubt. It is sacred. They do the work on themselves. That is to say they know themselves. Strengths and weakness. They treat themselves as a work in progress and they are always learning, upgrading and growing. They respect themselves and the opinions they hold and they do not shy away from their opinions if they are tested. They are courageous and always true to themselves. They stand fast and are true to themselves always!
Not all charismatic people have had a brilliant start in life. But they turn the hard times into something that they can learn from and inspire others with. They demonstrate authenticity and realness and in doing so encourage others to be authentic too.
Many people have self belief but what gives people with charisma the edge, is that they have a sense of purpose. They have a date with destiny and they are going to get there no matter what it takes.
Anthony Robbins put it like this:
“There are two amazing days in your life. One; the day you were born and two; the day you figure out what it is you are born for”
Number Two – Obsessed About People
I notice that charismatic people are crazy about people. It is well documented that Bill Clinton makes people feel important when he is talking to them. Is that a gift? No it is taking the time to make someone feel special and showing them that their thoughts and opinions matter. Charismatic people know that you cannot influence a person from the outside in, the only way to influence another person is form the inside out. To influence another you have to understand what makes that person tick. What inspires them? What are their passions? Obama knows that Jamaicans are fiercely patriotic. So when he went to Jamaica the first thing he said was:
“Wha gwarn Jamaica …eh!”
In a sort of Jamaican accent and from that everyone was eating out of his hands. Only Jamaicans know that ‘eh’ is not a question it is a command. By saying “eh!” he had touched their identity their values and beliefs. This is never an accident, this is research. Every interaction with another person is personal, with the right amount of attention to detail. When you tap into people’s identity and beliefs, you validate them right there. You are saying to them I get you, I understand you and I want the same things that you do. They listen to you and open up to you. You get more out of them and they actually enjoy giving more because what they are doing is an expression of who they are.
Number three- Good Listeners
Listening is a skill we all know this. The charismatic person listens differently. They listen to the words of course….and; they listen to the choice of words. How many times a particular word or phrase is used. They listen to the delivery…. is an impassioned speech or an opportunistic one. They listening to the words that the speaker uses and reflects those same words back to the speaker to show understanding, empathy and create rapport. They use listening as a tool and as an art form.
Number four – Communication
Needless to say, that the charismatic person has excellent communication skills. This comes from knowing why. They ask this question of themselves every day “Why am I doing this?” “Why do people want to hear this?” “Why is this important to me?” This keeps them focused and on point. Their delivery is open and honest communication. The message is them and they are the message. There is no disconnect. You may not agree with the message but you have to admire the messenger. Another feature of the charismatic person is their ability to tell stories. They weave stories into their deliveries because they understand their importance. People are not easily swayed by statistics. People are swayed by their emotions. People don’t necessarily remember what was said but they always remember how they felt about what was said. Charismatic people use story telling as their tool.
Number five – Twinkly Eyes
I don’t know what else to call this component other than charismatic people have twinkly eyes. This what twinkly eyes means.
They love life
They always have a ready smile
They see the funny side of things
They do not take themselves too seriously
They are kind
They have warmth about them.
They exude happiness
They are down to earth
Number six – Talent Scout
Charismatic people are never intimidated by other people’s talents. They love to see people doing their thing. They are great mentors and coaches. They never miss an opportunity to encourage others to be amazing. Obama was told that the singer Al Green was in his audience. Without missing a beat he started singing one of his songs. With a few lines of a song he showed his appreciation for talent no matter where it comes from. He also endeared himself to everyone.
Number seven – Body Language
When the charismatic person walks into a room people look up. What is it about them? Is it that they are taller, more attractive or more intelligent than others? The answer is maybe to all of the above. The charismatic person is at ease with their body. They use body language to communicate that ease. 55% of face to face communication is determined by body language. This can be good or it can be bad. For the charismatic person it is always good. Their body language is open and inclusive. 38% of communication is determined by voice. Pause, pitch and tone. Every word counts. The remaining 7% of communication is the content. Most people when they have to give a speech focus on what they need to say. The charismatic person focuses on how they are going to say it.
We are all charismatic in some form or fashion because we all have a personality. What the charismatic person is brilliant at doing is accentuating the positive sides of their personality to the max.
Work on the seven ingredients highlighted above …who knows what doors might open for you!
January 7, 2015
Learn to speak in public and put your brand in motion!
If you are in business then you are in the business of speaking. You speak to your team. You speak to your customers and you speak to your boss. If you want to raise your profile or personalise your brand you need to be able to speak. Full stop! How else are you going to win customers and influence potential ones? You may have the finest website in the cloud, and a social media foot print second to none, but it is when you open your mouth to speak that your true brand shows through.
Aren’t you feed up with meeting, seminars, trainings and conferences where speaker after speaker read what they have to say from PowerPoint slides? Ahhh!
If that wasn’t enough here are a few more mistakes speakers make.
Not engaging the audience.
Not having a structure.
Not knowing how to handle questions.
Not managing their time slot.
Turning their back to the audience to read slides.
Reading the slides verbatim.
Not preparing.
Not showing any personality.
Not giving any eye contact or giving all of it to one person.
Being scared out of their wits.
They are not in any order. I hate them all!
Don’t you think it’s about time that you got your act together as far as speaking in public is concerned? You have spent years studying your craft. You know your job. You are a professional. But how are you going to tell the world what you do if every time you get up to speak your brain sits down?
Let me tell you that mediocrity is overcrowded in the public speaking arena.
The first thing you have to do is change the mind-set that you have around public speaking and replace it with one that works for you.
Most people are afraid of talking in public. If you were say to Tom, Dick or Mina “Next week I would like you to give a talk on the blah blah”. I guarantee that the first thing that happens is: Tom goes unconscious; Dick sees his life flash before his eyes and Mina is already planning her ‘sickie’ in advance.
The mind-set that I want you to consider is that speaking in public is an opportunity to sell yourself and what you do. It is an amazing platform. Pound for pound if Nike had the exposure that you have with your audiences for the time you have…They would kill. It is a gift, treat it as such.
Next time you are asked to give a talk, see it as an advert for you and your brand.
More reasons why you need to be able to speak up
Being able to speak well in public makes you memorable and sets you apart from the crowd.
It is an excellent way of networking because after a brilliant talk people will come to you.
Speaking well can boost your career beyond your wildest dreams. You can use social media to the full by posting your talks on YouTube and Ted Talks… for starter.
The main reason why people are so afraid of giving a good talk is because of what happens to them when they do it.
For most people it is like having an out of body experience. You feel like someone has taken over your body and you lose the proper use of your arms and legs. Something is sticking your tongue to the roof of your mouth. You want to go to the toilet. Your voice is coming to you from a tunnel. Everyone is looking at you. Blank; that’s you and them both!
What I have just described is the fight, flight and freeze survival mechanism that everyone alive has and has experienced.
When we lived in caves, back in the day and we saw the odd sabre tooth tiger wondering too close to camp, we had three responses. Run like hell, fight like hell, or freeze and play died. The later was less effective as some animals actually like it when their prey plays dead. The main two are fight and flight and since they have been very useful in our survival to date we tend to use them a lot. Even when it is obvious there is no tiger, we use it! There are many sharks in business even a few snakes, but no tigers.
The problems we face today are psychological not physical and yet our body responds in the same way as if they were. This is a little inconvenient sometimes.
The way to override this problem- as paradoxical as it may sound- is to get so good at talking, that your body no longer see it as a threat. It’s what I call the Bear Grylls approach. You probably know Bear Grylls as the intrepid explorer who goes to places where only fools dare to tread. If you follow him on his adventures you know that he knows his stuff, inside out. There is no getting around it; know your stuff! Get good at talking about your stuff. Pick one aspect and become the ‘go to’ person on it. Become intrepid.
There is only one way to know your stuff and that is to prepare, practice, and prepare practice. When I am training my version of Speaking in Public Skill, I say to my students that as a rule of thumb, the prep time is one hour preparation for every five minutes that you speak. I’ll say it before you do. Who has time to prepare for hours on end for a talk? Well let me refer you to the first part of this post. It’s your brand not mine! The thing about it is that you do not have to prepare in one hit. Prepare a little at a time. Practice in the bath. On the train. Look for great quotes. I like to go for a walk and pretend that I am talking on the mobile and go through my talk with the trees.
So now I’m going to take you through how to give a basic talk, O.K let’s go….
It was Vidal Sassoon who said the only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary. Many people think that they can get up and do an impromptu speak. I don’t know who told them that. Make a note to self: impromptu talks are dreadful. To give and to listen too!
What you need to understand is that it’s more than the topic that you need to prepare for; preparing means taking into account things that may not go according to plan.
Preparing means preparing for the unexpected.
What happens if you turn up and there is no PowerPoint? I have seen grown men cry over that one! What happens if the audience do not ‘buy’ into what you have to say? What happens if you are expecting twenty five people and one hundred people show up? All of the above has happened to me. It not just the talk people want to hear. People want to know who you are and what you are made off. If you have no back-up plan for when the bulb goes in the projector what makes you think that anyone in the audience will trust you with their project or cash.
Actually how you handle things when things go wrong, can be more telling then when things go well. This is why you prepare. You prepare to be able to handle anything, anytime, anywhere and with any crowd. This knowledge gives you confidence and the delivery the boost you need.
When next you have to give a talk, before the panic or doing anything much; write down the object of your talk in places where you can see it. Put the topic on post-its’ on the fridge door, on bathroom mirror, in the car and on your computer. This means that where ever you are without really thinking about it, the ideas are coming, streaming and being triggered. Do this for as long as you have time.
Next, start to gather everything to do with the talk. Snippets, sayings, quotes, data and facts. The more long time you have the better. Once you have all your info now it’s time to arrange it into some sort of order.
This takes us to the structure. To have a structure is one of the most important elements of speaking in public. It’s like a guide so the audience knows where they are. And you do too.
First things first you have to introduce yourself and the topic. They say that you never get a second chance to make a first impression. So your intro has to be good. I recommend that you learn this bit off by heart.
Once I was on my way to a conference and I got caught in traffic. There was no way I was going to get there in time. I could visualise the organiser panicking and people shuffling in their seats. I phoned ahead to let it be known there would be a slight change of plan. I walked in to the hall and started talking from the back. I’ve got a loud voice. I introduced myself and the purpose of the day. By the time I made it to the stage we were back on track; more or less.
Your introduction should include the following and be 10% 0f your talk:
Name.
Tell them a little about yourself but not too much. If you are impressive; then your talk will be impressive too.
Topic.
Tell then your approach to the topic. Keep it to three key points if you can and weave them together like an artist.
Tell the audience what’s in it for them.
Tell them when to ask questions…during your talk or at the end.
The next stage is where you move on to the main theme of your talk. This is when you roll out your store. Let them see what’s in it. Remember it is a store and a pretty exclusive one. Show them one item at a time, describe it logically, systematically and then put it away. Do not be like a market stall where everything is all over the place.
The main theme should be about 60% of the talk.
Now moving on to the conclusion this takes the remainder of your allotted time. 30% I hear you say “What am I going to do for all this time?”
Well this is the time when you repeat what you have said and ask the audience if there are any questions. In fact do not ask them if “there are any questions” because that is a closed question. Closed questions tend to get closed answers. Better to ask them an open question like: “What question do you have right now?”
If there are no questions you may take a decision that it’s all good; say “Thank you” and stand down. If you have some time, have some fun. If the audience has no questions…then ask them a question or two. Always stay within your allotted time slot. No matter what time you start you need to finish on time. People have lives to attend to, trains to catch and children to pick up. If you are going to save the world just do it in your allotted time.
Next…
In the words of X Factor’s Simon Cowell “Make the talk your own” it’s important because it is part of your branding. What do you want to be known or remembered for? Spicing up a talk is a good idea. Well, you can tell a story. Stories are a brilliant way to get people to listen to you. Bring something for them to see. Give them something to do or figure out. The biggest spice in your talk is you. Let them see your passion.
Did you know that body language accounts for 55% of face to face communication? This means that you need to make sure your body language is telling the same story as you are. The amount of times I have witnessed people giving a talk about how great their projects are. But their body language is crying “I want my mummy”
I am not bothered if you move or not. All I can say is if you are a mover make sure you move. This is not the time to practice your two step.
Your voice accounts for 38% of face to face communication, so make sure you practice off line to get your vocals warmed up. Everyone does it from Madonna to me. When talking, talk from the bottom of your lungs not from your throat, it will get tired and dry out. Open your mouth and enunciate.
Now on to visual aids. The visual aids that are available to you are many. This doesn’t mean that you have to use them. The audience have come to hear you and they want you. Not a slide deck. Lawd save me from the Power Point slide deck! Steve Jobs used minimum visual aids. Barack Obama, Martin Luther King and JFK used none. You get my drift?
The rule of thumb is; the more formal the talk the more prepared slides you need. Keep them to a minimum though. Use them to illustrate stuff like models and diagrams. Do not put too many words on a slide…the words are your job.
Flipcharts can be used if you are giving an informal talk or training. The flipchart is a great friend, so learn how to use one. Make sure your writing is legible and use two colours for effect.
Let’s turn our attention to the audience. How many talks have you witnessed where the speaker barely made eye contact with the audience? An insult I’d say! Why should I listen to you when you haven’t got enough guts to look me in the eye?
You have to learn to look at the audience. If you feel uncomfortable look at the top of their heads until you feel more comfortable. Eyes are the window to the soul and the exposed part of the brain. Remember that!
It’s a good idea to arrive early for your talk so that you can get some insider information from the audience. If you can’t get there in good time to do this; then talk to people in the coffee breaks, seek their opinions and make reference to them in your talk.
Treat your audience as if they are guest in your home. You are the host.
Your audience want you to be great. No one attends a talk hoping that they are going to be bored out of their mind. Speaking in public is not only about you so you need to get over yourself and give the audience what they came for.
Just occasionally you may get an audience member who is having a bad day. They may try to put you off your stride. Don’t let them!
Dealing with a challenging audience
If there is an expert in the audience, incorporate them in your talk but always summarise what they have said when they have finished, so that you take back the control.
If there is someone that wants to talk about their pet subject, tell them that they can talk with you after your talk. Chances are they won’t want to do that as they will have a train to catch or something!
If there is someone who insists on talking about their hobbyhorse then ask the audience to decide whose talk they want to hear. They will choose yours don’t worry because you are the reason they are there.
If someone attacks you, never retaliate. Even if they say your talk is a pile of crap all you need to say is “Thank you for sharing” and move on. If they disagree with you then you can say “Everyone is entitled to their opinion and this is mine” and move on.
Oh and finally when you get to the end of your talk do not just finish abruptly or leave people up in the air. Tell them that you are “leaving it there” or that “you’ve said what you came to say on the subject” thank them for listening and step down.
All in all speaking in public is a sure fired why of getting your brand out there. It is part of the process of you raising your profile and taking your career to where you want to it to be. If you can speak well in public you are demonstrating to all that you believe in yourself, and you take the opportunities that come your way seriously. Ultimately if you can speak well in public you are setting your brand in motion.
I am a motivation speaker, trainer and author.
I am happy to answer whatever questions/issues you may have around speaking in public. Go to my website Bev Baker Seminars to see what else I have for you.
