Julie A. Fast's Blog, page 68

Dolce Dolce interview on Get it Done When You’re Depressed

Hi! I was interviewed in a publication called Dolce- Dolce about my book Get it Done When You’re Depressed. The topic is on beating the blues. We all need tips on this topic!

Click here to read the article.

Julie

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Published on September 05, 2012 11:19

Bad Bipolar Depression Down Swing

Bipolar Down Swings

I’m in quite a doozy of a downswing. I have many different kinds of bipolar downswings. This one is a sadness about my past down swing. I’m thinking of a person I once loved very much who ended our friendship when he got married. I remember my ex who got very sick this year and didn’t want my help. The music I’m listening to as I write this is making me sad. I’m at a library writing my latest book and when I look out the window I see so many happy people walking around the farmer’s market. Last night I went to an event that was a lot of fun, and yet all I could do was think of how I didn’t fit in and that I didn’t fit in anywhere. I’m worried that my nephew will die before I do and then I worry that I would never survive if something happened to my family. I have the thought that I would rather die first. My diet is a mess. I sprained my toe. I’m worried about money. The summer is over and the weather is getting dark. My book draft is due on Monday and I feel very behind. I have an event to go to tonight for NAMI and I feel pressured to go even though it was my idea and my choice to say yes! I feel that I will be like this forever.

Welcome to the insidious, dangerous, lying bipolar disorder down swing. Can you believe all of that went through my mind just as I wrote it! This is one nasty illness. People without bipolar disorder may say, “But Julie we all go through this!” Actually… no, not at all. No one without depression goes through this because it’s NOT REALL. It’s a mood swing manufactured by an illness. If you read down about four blogs you will see the normal me who had a quiet brain and was just getting on with my day! Then this. Nothing changed. I’m under the same work pressure I’ve been under for months. My financial picture is the same. My relationships are fine. I’m able to work today. And my friend got married two years ago and my ex and I broke up way before he didn’t want my help when he got sick! It’s always hard for me to listen to certain songs when I’m sick and there is no freaking way that everyone I can see out my window is happier than I am.

This is an illness that creeps up on me and wants to ruin my life. Well, I simply won’t let it! I write in order to get the language of depression down on paper. Then I can look at it objectively. The Health Cards taught me to do this. If you look at my depression Health Cards you will see that exact same thoughts that I wrote about above. That’s because it’s an illness with set patterns. I won’t let it get me down. I will do my writing and get outside and go to my event tonight and have fun. I will not let this depression control my life. I’ve gotten good at these techniques!

Julie

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Published on September 04, 2012 14:12

Bipolar disorder and ignorance….

I used to hear these comments a lot before I was diagnosed. (I still hear some of them now!)

Why can’t Julie just settle down?

Why is Julie always doing things that make her sick?

What is Julie’s problem?
Why is Julie so weird?

They were often said to my mom.

My mom and I both know what to say now- we have educated everyone we know about the illness. The Health Cards helped as they educated her first.

Now, I see it as an educational/informational opportunity.

Here is what I say:

I know my behavior seems odd… (fill in the behavior here). It’s normal for people with bipolar disorder to be this way- most of us have trouble with… (fill in the problem here!) We try hard to function in a normal way, but just like someone with a physical illness like (choose your illness!) we have so many darn challenges. I love the books by… (Julie!) I think you would find some interesting info about bipolar disorder that can help you see that I’m not weird, I just have a weird illness.

**

Then it’s up to them to either remain ignorant or support you. You’ve done your best. I’ve found that almost everyone responds to this in a positive way unless they have their own mood issues they are not addressing….

Julie

PS: My books Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder and Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder have specific sections for family members. If you can get them to read the books, life will be a lot easier for you!

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Published on September 02, 2012 15:43

Bipolar Disorder and Suicide

Suicidal thoughts are normal when you have bipolar disorder.

I remember driving one day when I was very stressed and unhappy. I was on a busy road and saw a red light up ahead. My mind said, “Julie, you can just run that red light and a car will hit you and all will be taken care of!” These thoughts used to scare me a lot. I now know they’re a response to stress. When I told my friend Lani this story she said, “Well, your brain thought is was helping!”

So true. These thoughts are not real. They are manufactured by a bipolar brain. Don’t believe them.

If you are suicidal right now, you have options other than killing yourself.

#1 Say to yourself: I have bipolar disorder and suicidal thoughts are normal. Say it over and over again until you get help.

#2 Call anyone and do anything to get help and be honest when you talk to someone. “I’m suicidal and I need help.” You can walk directly to an ER and do this. Crisis lines are there to help. They know what they are doing. Call a friend.

#3 Don’t worry if you’re embarrassed. Better embarrassed than no longer on the planet.

When I’m suicidal, it’s always a sign that my meds are not working or that an event has happened to send me over the edge. I try to focus on fixing those things instead of listening to the suicidal thoughts. These suicidal thoughts are often the result of something you can definitely change. Once it is changed, you can get back to baseline. If you kill yourself over an event it’s not effective. It’s more effective to deal with the situation or leave it completely.

There are definitely situations where the bipolar is 100% responsible for the suicidal thoughts. Nothing has happened and there is no reason you should be so miserable. These suicidal thoughts have to be taken very seriously as your brain is really malfunctioning. This is when medications are 100% essential. Don’t hesitate to take meds.

Keeping yourself alive is all that matters when you’re suicidal. If you can’t do this for yourself-turn yourself over to someone who can.

Remember: No one stays suicidal all of the time. It ends.

If you had brain cancer you would ask for help with ease. Asking for help with suicidal bipolar thoughts is no different.

Julie

PS: I had my first suicidal episode at 19. I am now 48. It can be managed.

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Published on September 01, 2012 18:56

Bipolar Disorder and Exercise

I’ve had a lot of physical injuries since my bipolar disorder diagnosis in 1995. A lot of it has to do with the 23 medications I tried. The up and down weight gain and the stress the meds put on my immune system have really taken a toll!

These days I focus on my physical health all day long. I still struggle with my diet-oh well. The future can always be different.

But I always exercise.

Why am I writing this? Because our physical bodies are something we can control when we have bipolar disorder. Most of us can exercise- even when depressed.

I remind myself that the depression in my life is a reality- but so is my ability to take care of my body when my mind is not healthy.

What do you think?

Exercise makes us feel good!

Julie

PS: That’s not me on the ball, though I do have one at home.

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Published on August 30, 2012 15:56

A reader shares her life experiences with bipolar mania.

Hey, Julie. I was just listening to your radio show on iTunes. I am a little behind. I thought, it was funny, they did not give you any information when you were first diagnosed. In 1999, I (at 23 years old) was very manic and I was told I was Bipolar.

They gave me some pills and the doctor told me and my family to look it up on the Internet. Which just fueled my manic state because I was like you- I needed more help.

I do not have the support of my whole family. I have three brothers and three sisters. So some of them act like I am the only one with a problem. But I have the support of my best friend and her mother who understand me, and they understand what being Bipolar is like for me. I love your show and I love the information you send me. ‘

Oh a little advice, if I am manic, I try to do things that are good (like writing a letter, or cleaning, one time I know I was having a major episode, so I did three weeks worth of work for my college classes so when I came down I had the work done so I could focus on me!) I know it will not last, so I try to have as much fun as I can. I did have spending problems to the point that I had to file bankruptcy. So when I am manic, I try not to go shopping. I try to be with people who know I am Bipolar so they can tell me if I go overboard.

Congrats on the show.

L.

**

I had a mental health radio show in 2008. It was pretty amazing. If you go to iTunes and look up Julie Fast, you can listen to the show!

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Published on August 28, 2012 20:42

Newsletter: Lamictal and bipolar disorder sleep problems

Hi Julie,

I was recently diagnosed with bipolar.I am now taking Lamictal. The only side effect Ive had is sleeplessness. I ’ sleep, I cant sleep, I quit coffee. I quit drinking coke. I have done everything to sleep. I get maybe 3 hours if ’ lucky. I’m new to this drug on my first week so I am on a low dosage. 25mg. for the first 14 days. Does this get better?? Do you sleep finally as the dose gets bigger! UGH!!

Hi Deborah,

There are so many different side effects with each drug. The drugs can even cause opposite side effects such as making one person sleepy and the other revved up. I have not heard of Lamictal causing sleeplessness, but it’s certainly a possibility. Also, that really is a small dose. It’s very good to start small and go up. The general dose is 250mg though it ranges greatly. My mom takes 100mg and I take 500mg! I started at 10mg.

Sleep problems can really exacerbate bipolar disorder as they can lead to mania- on the other hand- mania can cause the sleep problems. Here’s how to know the difference:

When a person has sleep problems with mania, they don’t tend to be tired the next day. They can get up and get on with their day with energy. Do you feel normal the next day?

Sleep problems due to a drug often make the person tired, upset and unfocused the next day- or even abnormally tired, such as falling asleep in the middle of the day and drooling on a pillow. I call this pass out sleeping.

The question is how you feel the next day after you don’t sleep.

Next question, Did you try any other meds before you went on Lamictal? Are they still in your system?

Side effects definitely lessen, but sleep issues are too serious to ignore. I would talk with your doctor and explain the symptoms. It may be you need a sleep aid such as Ativan (which is what I use) to help you sleep so the Lamictal can work. But… you don’t really want to take that every night. Another option is one of the new drugs such as Lunesta. Also, ask your doctor about using Benedryl as well. All of these have risks.

There are definitely choices, but you really need to tell your doctor what is happening as you have to make sure it’s not mania!

Julie

PS: Here is some advice from Shana:

Hi Julie, just wanted to let you know that sleeplessness is a side effect of lamictal. Strangely, it is not one identified often by the manufacturer or by medical sites. However it is repeated as anecdotal on various side effect forums on the ‘net.

I myself experienced it. It was terrible. Thankfully it went away after a few months!

** I love to hear from readers who have experienced similar symptoms. So now we know- Lamictal can definitely cause sleeplessness- when this happens, definitely talk to your doctor and get some sleep help. You may need to change drugs. many of us, Lamictal is definitely worth it. I really need to start calling it Generic Lamotrigine!

julie

PS: Lamotrigine is the generic name for Lamictal

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Published on August 24, 2012 20:46

Reader Question on Work and Bipolar Disorder

Rachel read a blog post about work and bipolar disorder. Here is her question:

**

Thank You Julie. I have had so many jobs over the years, some more successful than others, but my illness always seems to get in my way. I have been sick for sev eral months again now, unemployed, but trying to get get better. I have the support of my husband, some understanding from my kids, but how do you forgive yourself? Rachel

Hi Rachel,

I face what you are going through all of the time. I miss months and months of work- but it’s a certain kind of work. If I’m busy and have deadlines I do better. If the work all comes from my mind- such as writing a book on my own, I find it very difficult. Having bipolar disorder means we are going to lose time. I’ve lost so much I can’t even count it anymore. But you keep going.

Many, many people with bipolar disorder have trouble working. It’s simply an unfortunate trigger. I would talk to the kids and be completely honest about bipolar. You can tell them about me! I write books- I speak- I coach and I have friends- and work is still a very big struggle.

You are Not alone.

You would never try to forgive yourself if you had cancer- there is no reason to have to forgive yourself when you have bipolar. Just keep going- sing massive praise to your awesome sounding husband and go easy on yourself. It’s a tough illness and not working is not your fault! Work when you can and go from there.

Julie

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Published on August 23, 2012 10:50

Bipolar Disorder: Excitement and downswings!

I had a wonderful weekend at a writer’s conference. Because of this, I knew I had to be prepared for a downswing. It was inevitable. Bipolar disorder doesn’t care if I had a good time – it just noticed that things were different and that I was in an exciting environment.

I woke up slightly down and thought- oh well, I can get through this. Then I felt better! But it didn’t last. Within a few hours the bad thoughts started. First: I wish I were dead. And then: You’re Pathetic!

I always hear the ‘you’re pathetic’ voice when I get stressed. The ‘I wish I were dead’ is an old friend as well. One gets used to these stress companions.

That doesn’t make it easy, but at least I know my enemy. The weekend was amazing as it was the first time I was able to go to a conference and not get sick during the conference! I had hardly any paranoia! This is wonderful.

The conference reminded me that I’ve gotten so much better over the past few years. I’m grateful.

Julie

PS: That’s me signing books after my presentation. And yes, I cut my long hair! Yes it is me! I am going to let it grow back. It looks too much like Suze Orman. HaHa

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Published on August 20, 2012 05:02

Bipolar Disorder Depression Treatment: My brain is lying to me!

My Bipolar Brain is Lying to Me!

All right bipolar brain! I’ve had enough! Shut up!

This is what I had to say to myself today when my brain would not leave me alone. I sat outside at a cafe to get work done today. The weather was great, my hands which often give me trouble were not bothering me and I was actually getting work done. But every time a couple walked by I had the thought- you will never be happy like them Julie. Or if I saw a baby- I had the thought- you’ll never have the experience of having a baby. I felt like my life was wasting away and that others were having so much more fun than I was.

This is the bipolar trap and luckily I know enough to eventually recognize what it is and then tell my brain to.. shut up. It’s a harsh way to do it, but when this happens I have to snap myself out of it. Here are the facts outside of bipolar disorder:

- I am currently single because it’s the absolute right choice for me. It’s a conscious decision. I’ve been in relationships for the majority of my adult life and I doubt a year without one will kill me. Of course I prefer a loving relationship as most people do, but now is not the time. Crazy brain.

- I have never wanted a child nor do I want one now! It’s ridiculous what my brain says! My nephew is the light of my life and that is enough for me! What on earth is my brain thinking? I don’t even want to take care of a puppy!

- There is no way everyone is happier than I am. Please! There are 100,000 + people where I live.

- In an hour I’m going to meet friends to see a movie and then have a bbq. Why does my brain completely disregard this information?

Bipolar disorder lies to me. It lies all of the time. If I listen to it, as I did for many, many years, I will be miserable.

Saying I’ve had enough! and SHUT UP! to my brain and writing this got me out of the episode.

Julie

PS: When I read this, it’s actually quite funny what the brain comes up with. It’s hard when I’m in it- but funny when I think of how totally dumb it is.

PSS: In case you were wondering, that is not me in the picture.

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Published on August 18, 2012 19:58