Julie A. Fast's Blog, page 64

A Difficult Evening with My Brother

Plans Can Change: We Can Deal with It.

I am very proud of myself…

It’s good to write that sentence! Going out on the weekends if very important to me. I plan carefully and always have something to do with friends. I really enjoy going out with my brother Ed. As many of you know, my brother is a great guy who causes me a lot of stress. I think I’ve dealt with it very well over the past year. Last night, there was a problem with his ID so he was not able to come into the bar where I was waiting. We were going to watch the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) on pay per view- so I got there early to get us seats. I always do that to save myself the stress of worrying where we will sit. ( I get so tired of myself.)

I walked outside and he said that he couldn’t get in- I said, “Did you ask the bouncer?” He sarcastically said, “Of course I did!” So I turned around and went back inside to get my purse so that we could go to karaoke. My whole point of the evening was to be with him, so missing the UFC was not a big deal to me.

When I got back outside. He was gone. I looked for him up and down the street. I couldn’t imagine where he had gone. It was odd! Then I called him on his phone and he said, “I could tell you were disgusted with me by the expression on your face, so I left.”

Holy you know what! I have never had someone do that. Ever. Even with a person you’re dating they will at least say- “I’m leaving!” He just left. Of course I know this has nothing to do with me. I am not someone to get angry and walk off and stay in a club and leave my brother outside. I really was just going to get my purse.

Then I felt the wave of depression drop over me. I thought, “He has done it again. Why do I let him upset me? Why does he always do this? What am I going to do now?” And the bipolar started talking to me. You probably know what it says! And I started to cry a bit. That was a really rotten thing he did!

I had options- to go watch a basketball game with a friend- to go to karaoke, etc. But it all felt so depressing as I had the evening all planned out.

People with bipolar need a LOT of structure.

I have worked for many years on how to handle each situation- even when my plans turn upside down. So, I said to myself, “Julie, this is no big deal. Go back inside and stay there and let Ed be who he is. You are fine.” And that is what I did and I had a wonderful time! Just wonderful! I met people and actually got over some of my social awkwardness.

This would not have been possible in the past. I have learned to fight off the bipolar monster and it has changed my life for the better.

Believe it or not, for the first time that I can EVER remember, my brother came up to me today and said, “I would like to apologize for leaving last night. I think I was just projecting my mood on you. I know you would not walk back into the club and just leave me.”

Wow! All of us can change! And when the depression started today- I just kept going and I feel fine again.

We can do it. No matter where you are starting from- if you make a plan now to get better, you can.

Julie

Accepting New Family and Partner Coaching Clients

Writing books on bipolar disorder has been my career for over ten years. I enjoy writing and plan to do a lot more. (It can be a challenge when the mood swings are paying a visit, that’s for sure.)

Over two years ago, I started coaching partners and family members of people with bipolar disorder as an addition to my writing career.

I never, ever thought I would find work that I enjoy as much as I enjoy coaching. I feel at home with the parents and partners as I have been where they are- and I remain calm during the crises that many of my clients are going through while we are working together. Bipolar disorder is like a puzzle. It’s not always easy to find the right pieces on your own. It helps to have a coach as a guide.

My coaching practice has room for new clients. I take new clients about once a month-and then help them as best I can. It’s a partnership that saves relationships and often lives.

Coaching is not for everyone, but if you are concerned about your relationship with a person with bipolar disorder, it may be a good fit for you. The following link will tell you more. I look forward to talking.

Julie Fast Family and Partner Coaching

Julie

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Published on November 15, 2012 13:59

Thanks for Your Comments!

Hello to all who leave such wonderful, insightful, helpful and supportive comments. I will answer all of them in the next few days. I had to spend a week on self management when my depression showed up last week. It’s better today!

Here are some quick answers.

1. You can read about my Health Cards Treatment System for Bipolar Disorder under the above books tab and on my book site: Bipolar Happens.

2. If you are a parent or partner who needs help with a loved one, please visit my Family and Partner coaching page. I always have a free 3o minute intake call where I can answer the questions from this blog. Please note this is for families and partners only. We can cover a lot in just 30 minutes.

3. I’m so glad that people enjoy the posts on the blogs. I truly appreciate the support. Especially on the tough days!

4. I have another blog on the BP Magazine site. If you are not aware of this magazine- the link will take you to more information. It’s a great read!

I will answer the rest on the questions on the new podcast. The first one is next Friday and I will send the info soon. The newsletter is the best way to get all of the podcast information.

Thanks again for your kind support! Julie

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Published on November 15, 2012 13:45

Newsletter: Bipolar Disorder Management Secret….. an answer (not THE answer, but an answer!)

It’s often hard for people with bipolar disorder to know what is reasonable and what is unacceptable. If you’re born with a certain kind of brain- it makes you say and do things that are normal to you. For example, people with bipolar disorder get stressed a lot more easily than the general population. They get more angry- cry more- try to kill themselves more- and definitely get higher than anyone without the illness when it comes to mania.

But even though it is natural for us, it’s not ok and it’s certainly not a very productive way to live- but it’s what our brains do. So it makes sense that we will all have to learn what is reasonable and acceptable so that we can survive in the average world.

How can you stop behavior that is unacceptable and non productive? I have found an answer that took me a long time to master, but I’ve kept at it for 10 years and it’s working.

Here are some tips:

1. I regularly examine how my behavior is affecting all of the people in my life. Do they want to be around me?

2. Do I have friends who actually think I’m a cool person?

3. Do people avoid me?

4. Am I able to listen to someone without talking about my troubles all of the time?

5. Do people feel comfortable enough to tell me they think I am in a moodswing?

Bipolar disorder is sneaky- you would think that the above would be rather easy- you simply have to look and listen to the people in your life and change your behavior, right? Wrong- our brains are fighting reasonable self reflection. Bipolar depression and bipolar mania lie to us and make it difficult to answer the above questions. But it can be done! How would you answer the questions today? And if you love someone with bipolar disorder, how would they answer the questions?

Julie

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Published on November 12, 2012 16:06

How do I know the difference between teenage behavior and teenage bipolar disorder behavior?

Is it possible for me to know the difference?

It can be difficult, but it’s not impossible.

It’s all about degrees- typical teens and bipolar teens act in similar ways, but not with the same intensity. And bipolar disorder behavior is ALWAYS out of sync with events.

For example, a typical teen who is angry may yell at you and run to their room and slam the door. A teen with bipolar disorder may yell, try to hit you and then run out of the house and not come back for hours.

Another very important distinction- typical teens tend to calm down and go back to ‘normal’ once they have let you know how they feel. Teens with bipolar disorder can stay in certain upsetting moods for much, much longer.

A typical teen gets excited about life. A teen with bipolar disorder who is manic goes over the top with emotions the point of impulsive and dangerous behaviors.

Remember: It’s not only the behavior. It’s the intensity of the behavior.

Why is it harder for teenagers to manage bipolar disorder?

Adults with bipolar disorder have the same dichotomy of course- but we have more ability to recognize and change the extremes. For teenagers it’s all so new! Teens have to deal with first time emotions such as falling in love or studying for an exam and they don’t know what to do when the bipolar disorder takes over. There is little reference as to what is ‘normal.’ This makes it hard for teens to see they are having trouble- so their blame may go towards the parents or internally with suicidal thoughts.

On the other side, parents are usually confused because teens are notorious for being moody. No wonder it’s hard to tell what’s what! All of the parents I work with have this problem. It’s universal for teens with bipolar disorder.

**

As a parent, you are amazing and you do your best. My biggest tip is to look for behavior that is out of proportion to an event and then work on recognizing and stopping the behavior- this is the best place to start on your journey of helping your teenager manage their bipolar disorder.

Julie

PS: My book section describes my Health Cards Treatment System for Bipolar Disorder. This is an exceptionally good tool for teens and parents. Regarding my books, I think that Bipolar Happens! is the best for teens while Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder really helps parents understand the illness. Bipolar Happens! is available on the Kindle for .99 and can be read on any device- including phones. I know that’s where teens read these days!

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Published on November 10, 2012 05:05

Thanksgiving Part One…………..

Let’s Make Thanksgiving Great This Year!

There is a commercial on the radio where I live here in Portland, Oregon that always makes me laugh. It says… ‘Beware of the holiday horrors! Buy all of your holiday presents now, the day after Thanksgiving and save yourself the stress of waiting until the last minute!” Can’t wait. I stopped giving presents years ago (I talk about this a lot on the blog, so luckily I will miss this!

As a person with bipolar disorder or a person who cares about someone with the illness, there is a chance you have had some difficult holidays. Is this true?

I hear people laughing all the way to the Starbucks where I am sitting in Portland, Oregon.

Thanksgiving can be hard. For those outside the states, it’s a family holiday based around a traditional dinner. I had many wonderful Thanksgiving holidays while growing up – my grandmother in Alabama sure did know how to cook. As I got older, the holidays became a fun time with friends. And then…. It just became too much.

Is it the same for you? Maybe you don’t want to cook, don’t have the $200 to spend on a dinner for eight. It might be you don’t like your family! And finally, the hardest is when you don’t have anywhere to go. It doesn’t mean you don’t have friends- it might just happen they are all with their families and yours are out of town.

And finally, it may be that your family is here, but the atmosphere is stressful. I have seen a few snarky faces at Thanksgiving before.

All of this for one day! This is too much pressure. To lighten the mood, check out this turkey. Yes….

It’s a turkey wrapped in bacon!

Julie

PS: Yes, I know that Thanksgiving can be wonderful. That’s why we have to plan ahead! Part two of this post is below.

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Published on November 09, 2012 16:25

Thanksgiving part two…….

Continued from Thanksgiving part one…..

My friend Sherri- who has bipolar disorder just called and told me that her sister has decided to come down to Portland instead of staying in Seattle. Sherri said, “I cooked dinner a few years ago, Julie. I’m not spending days cooking for something that is gone in a few hours. It’s too stressful!” I agree. Sheri just reserved a full Thanksgiving dinner from Whole foods. She said it was so cheap when everyone went in on it. They bought less than they thought they needed and it was plenty of food. These stores have great and inexpensive salad bars as well.

Good idea.

I’d like to say I’m immune to the whole Thanksgiving thing- but I’m not. I have to make sure I have something to do that day or I know I will get depressed and lonely. It’s my nature. The concept of Thanksgiving has been burned into my American brain. My dinners were so wonderful as a child- that is what I remember.

Here are some tips if Thanksgiving is important to you:

1. Plan now. Where do you want to be? Start hinting to the people you know that you would be a good addition to the party.

2. Send out an email to friends saying you are looking for a fun dinner. You will get replies.

3. Volunteer for the day. Many people do this and you meet new friends.

4.Crash a party!

5. Go to Target to check out the Black Friday specials. Oh – this just sounds terrible… but people love it! Buy a TV the next day!

6. Go to the movies with a friend. Pay for one and then sneak into the others…. Just kidding!

7. If you are going to order a dinner from a place such as Whole Foods, do so ahead of time. They do sell out.

Or… you can be like me.

5. Watch football!

If you’re someone who loves Thanksgiving and has a good time, please invite me over this year. I will even fly to Siberia if you are there on a holiday.

I will bring a house plant as a thank you gift. And if you’re someone like me who doesn’t have firm plans yet, start making them today. It’s hard to be lonely on the holidays when you have bipolar disorder.

There is a place for everyone.

Julie

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Published on November 08, 2012 10:17

Bipolar Waves of Dread

I often get waves of worry, sadness and despair when I’m depressed. It’s different than low level depression. These waves are intense and can happen at really odd times. I seem to have a lot of them when I’m getting in my car and going somewhere. It’s as though my brain is telling me I won’t have fun or that something is going to happen on the way to seeing someone or going to an event. I also get these when I’m sitting and watching a movie at home. They really upset me because they happen so fast. I often start to cry or feel fear that someone is trying to hurt me. This can really put a damper on a possibly positive situation.

I now know that this is typical of anxiety.

I’ve learned to say no to these waves. I say, “I’m not going to listen to this. I’m not going to let this ruin my day! There is nothing wrong and no one is trying to hurt me!” This helps.

Being chronically depressed is hard work! I have been dealing with this for 20 years. Yikes!

I choose to fight it every time it tries to take me over.

Julie

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Published on November 07, 2012 18:09

Letter to a friend about bipolar

A friend and I had a long talk about bipolar last night. He said that he would not get rid of his bipolar disorder if he had the chance. I was shocked by this as the illness has really caused him serious trouble. I know that I would do ANYTHING to get this illness out of my life. Tonight, I started to think more of our conversation. Here is a letter I wrote him:

Hi,

I was just going to write in my journal but decided to write you instead. I’ve kept a journal since 1990! Can you believe that! When Ivan (my ex who has bipolar one) was in the hospital I wrote down everything that happened. I recently went back to read them- as I was thinking of doing a memoir- and my memory was actually different than what happened. It was weird.

Since I’ve learned to manage the illness more successfully, I’ve had some weird things happen. Tonight for example – my brain is quiet. I’ve wished for this my entire life- what I didn’t expect was how unmotivated it would be. When I’m depressed, my brain is so active that it pushes me to do things. I write better when I’m slightly depressed believe it or not- at least in terms of my bipolar books. It’s so odd. I used to think- if I were well enough, I could rule the world! I’ve recently learned that people don’t normally live with a relentless drive to get things done. It’s all I think about when I’m not well.

When you said you wouldn’t trade the bipolar – maybe you meant that you don’t want to lose the creativity. The creativity that comes with bipolar disorder is always on a tight rope. It’s very easy to fall off- and then creativity ends. We don’t get to keep the super high creativity and stay stable. That’s a fact.

Mania is so creative that it often spins out of control. I do have some wonderful times at the beginning though. So, if I were slightly manic for the rest of my life, I would love it. Since I’m rarely manic, I have to come up with ways to make my depressed brain push me to greater things. I’m so driven to get well that I write about the process daily- as a record and as a way to help others get well. My management ideas are working. I just hope I don’t ever lose my drive.

Julie

I’m interested to know what you think….

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Published on November 04, 2012 05:56

Bipolar Disorder and Suicide

Suicidal thoughts are normal when you have bipolar disorder.

I remember driving one day when I was very stressed and unhappy. I was on a busy road and saw a red light up ahead. My mind said, “Julie, you can just run that red light and a car will hit you and all will be taken care of!” These thoughts used to scare me a lot. I now know they’re a response to stress. When I told my friend Lani this story she said, “Well, your brain thought is was helping!”

So true. These thoughts are not real. They are manufactured by a bipolar brain. Don’t believe them.

If you are suicidal right now, you have options other than killing yourself.

#1 Say to yourself: I have bipolar disorder and suicidal thoughts are normal. Say it over and over again until you get help.

#2 Call anyone and do anything to get help and be honest when you talk to someone. “I’m suicidal and I need help.” You can walk directly to an ER and do this. Crisis lines are there to help. They know what they are doing. Call a friend.

#3 Don’t worry if you’re embarrassed. Better embarrassed than no longer on the planet.

When I’m suicidal, it’s always a sign that my meds are not working or that an event has happened to send me over the edge. I try to focus on fixing those things instead of listening to the suicidal thoughts. These suicidal thoughts are often the result of something you can definitely change. Once it is changed, you can get back to baseline. If you kill yourself over an event it’s not effective. It’s more effective to deal with the situation or leave it completely.

There are definitely situations where the bipolar is 100% responsible for the suicidal thoughts. Nothing has happened and there is no reason you should be so miserable. These suicidal thoughts have to be taken very seriously as your brain is really malfunctioning. This is when medications are 100% essential. Don’t hesitate to take meds.

Keeping yourself alive is all that matters when you’re suicidal. If you can’t do this for yourself-turn yourself over to someone who can.

Remember: No one stays suicidal all of the time. It ends.

If you had brain cancer you would ask for help with ease. Asking for help with suicidal bipolar thoughts is no different.

Julie

PS: I had my first suicidal episode at 19. I am now 48. It can be managed.

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Published on November 01, 2012 19:01