Julie A. Fast's Blog, page 6

Break Through the Depression Barrier

 This  post goes with Strategy #13 in Get it Done When You’re Depressed. Social media use is a plus and a negative when it comes to finding stability. Here is what I suggest to anyone who is over using social media when depressed:

 


Imagine that you have to push through a really heavy door to get to the other side where there is stability and a life of getting things done and feeling better.


 


The key to this door will only be revealed when you put down the devise so that you can use both hands to put the key in the door.


 


It helps to picture yourself moving through the image your mind creates to describe the depression: mud, quicksand, fire, fog, a dark cloud, a storm in order to reach this door, picture this, walk through it and put in the key and open it.


 


Maybe you see vast nothingness before the door that leads you to think it will be the same if you open the door to an other life. Please know that it’s not the same. There is life on the other side of the door….


 


….. but you have to somehow walk through the images and feelings depression creates in order to reach the peace of stablity.


 


Physical action is needed for this to work.


 


Getting up and getting out no matter how hard it is to move is the answer. Putting down the screen and stopping the endless scrolling that leads nowhere is a first step.


 


Yes, you can use devices for motivation. Maybe it’s music to get you moving or an inspirational movie, but overall, it’s physical action that breaks the depression barrier. There is too much temptation online that leads us to stay behind the door and wallow in our misery, sadness and irritation.


 


Put the screen down, get up, use the book as a key and go through the door!


 


I am doing this today as I work on a new project. It feels like I will NEVER get through that door that leads to a better life than what I am experiencing today. But I trust that it will be better if I finish what I need to do.


 


Julie


 


 

Related posts:
What to do when depression knocks on your hotel door…
Ending Bipolar Depression Isolation
Bipolar Depression- Hello darkness my old friend….

Depression Scrolling and Feeling Bad about Yourself

 

If you’re not feeling well and going online creates worse feelings… as it seems that others are better off than you, please know that what you see online is now different than what you see on TV.

It is a SHOW. It is not REAL.

My next book project with Penguin Books is adding a social media section to Get it Done When You’re Depressed. It’s perfect timing.

The image above is from the Instagram page Celeb Face. It’s not intended to be cruel. People have the right to post whatever they want online.

The goal is to help people see that the images you see after the filters are NOT REAL.

It also highlights the unhappiness that ‘celebrities’ feel with how they really look. This woman on the right is just fine as she is, but she is only comfortable sending out the edited image on the left. This is unstable behavior. I can only imagine what it does to the person’s relationships.

You are who you are. Post real pics of yourself. If you don’t like your body, then don’t show your body. If your skin is upsetting, then don’t show your skin! Spend time working on the body you want (my struggle!) and skin that reflects who you are……

Please don’t fall into the trap of thinking a filter is the answer.

I want our children to be aware that social media is a movie- it’s a novel- it’s a fantasy. It’s hard to remember this when you’re depressed and scrolling away, looking for relief!

The relief is inside. The relief is in reality. The relief is in getting help for depression.

Julie

Related posts:
How Does Scrolling Through Social Media Affect the Bipolar Mood?
Ending Bipolar Depression Isolation
Bipolar Disorder Rapid Cycling: Feeling better.. a lot better

Beware the Bipolar Filter! It is not your friend!

Bipolar disorder takes away our ability to evaluate ourselves realistically and calmly. Our behaviors and thoughts are funneled through a bipolar disorder filter and this filter changes everything…….


 


It’s hard to be kind to yourself, be rational or calm when this filter distorts the behaviors of others.


 


My solution? I try to memorize my typical bipolar symptoms created by this filter:


 

How I Describe Bipolar Disorder

 

People often ask me what I do. When I explain that I create management plans for people with bipolar disorder and depression, I get a lot of interest. Since my first book came out in 2004, I have never attended a social gathering without someone asking me for more information about bipolar. 

Here is the script I use to explain bipolar disorder: “Bipolar disorder is a genetic illness that affects a person’s ability to self regulate the mood. We have three mood swings: depression, mania and an episode that combines depression and mania called a mixed episode. Within these episodes we can also experience anxiety, psychosis, irritation, restlessness, anger and focus problems. All of our symptoms are from an illness and have nothing to do with how we were raised. Bipolar is an ancient illness that was recorded thousands of years ago.  The illness is treated with a management plan that includes lifestyle changes especially around sleep as well as the use of medications for the symptoms we can’t learn to mange on our own. Bipolar is not a weakness and it’s not psychological. It’s similar to diabetes in that it involves changes in body chemicals.” 

I can honestly say that I have not once talked about bipolar disorder in a crowd without someone coming up to me afterwards and saying thank you and then telling me their story about bipolar.  Usually it is more than one person! 

Julie 

Related posts:
Just Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder? I know what you’re going through!
Bipolarity – a new word to describe bipolar disorder. Thanks to MrsBipolarity.com!
Bipolar Disorder Moodswings

Three Ideas to Ease Bipolar Money Mistakes

Is there any illness in the world that picks up and throws a person around like bipolar? I don’t think so! I’ve spent all of my adult life in either the plus or negative column financially due to bipolar disorder and I would like to share the plan I use to prevent the biggest bipolar financial disasters.  This is not a new topic, but I hope that my 20 plus years of experience managing money while alternatively manic and depressed can help those new to the illness find balance a lot sooner than I did!

1. I face the reality that I don’t think clearly when in a mood swing. If this is true, doesn’t it make sense that there is simply NO way to make smart financial decisions when in a mood swing? Even after all of this time, I’m shocked that mania creeps up on me and I buy five stuffed animals because they would look really great in my next video.  Or, I get online and purchase something to make my depression easier to live with.

I have people in my life who know what I spend and I give them permission to ask me questions and help me if they see my spending change. I am always upset and embarrassed that mania grabbed me once again or depression caused me to buy what I don’t need, but I do listen eventually!

2. I return what I buy.  I know it’s darn embarrassing. But if you’re new to bipolar and the spending is not yet under control,  swallow that pride and return anything you bought while manic. Don’t explain why- don’t beat yourself up- don’t do anything except get your money back. And if you’re still too raw from being sick and making bipolar financial mistakes, put everything together and ask someone to return it for you. Almost anything can be returned these days- paying for return shipping is worth the price of at least getting some of your money back. I have a REAL problem with signing up for classes when manic. I have canceled before where I am charged 25% for cancelling right before the class, but at least I get 75% back!

3. Go cash only when manic or depressed.  I still use this system and it works. In fact, I was on TV about it once! Going cash only changed my life. It’s a LOT harder to buy a $1000 dollar painting that you know will be perfect above your couch if you’re only allowing yourself to use cash.  Cash only has saved me many times. I don’t follow it always, but when the mania is strong or the depression is calling for retail therapy, only allowing cash spending helps me a lot.

It also helps to remove all credit or debit cards that you have saved online so that you have to type everything in before placing an order. Also, NEVER have overdraft protection on your bank. Set it up so that your debit card will not work if you don’t have the money. I don’t have credit cards at all… my mania can’t handle them.

These three ideas are a good start.  Please know that I didn’t simply stop my bipolar spending. That is impossible. I have bipolar and I still get manic. I still get depressed and sign up for things and buy what I don’t need, but it’s pretty rare these days and I can catch it a lot sooner than in the past. I still return things and I still need help. It will never change.

I have an illness that affects my ability to think clearly. I will need help in this area for the rest of my life.

What if doing even one of the above feels overwhelming right now? 

Well, you’re human and bipolar is a tough illness. Be nice to yourself and decide that spending money while bipolar is not really fun or a safe behavior for the future. Ask for help. Create a list of what you think, say and do when the spending is out of control and learn the signs earlier next time so that you can be in prevention mode instead of buying mode.

Bipolar is complicated and there is simply no way to handle everything it throws at you all at once.

Decide that finances will be your focus for the next year and learn to manage the illness in a way that prevents bipolar spending. It took me many years to really get this under control. Manic spending feels good in the moment and depression spending relieves our symptoms, so it’s no wonder that I get caught out even after 20 years of managing the illness successfully!

Management is not recovery. Management doesn’t have an end date. Management is daily. I still get sick and this means I will always have to be on my toes around bipolar spending.  Preventing mood swings in general is still my #1 tool to manage the illness, but when symptoms break through my plan and my brain has a mind of its own, I am very glad I have a plan in place to prevent disastrous bipolar spending.

I didn’t return the stuffed animals. They are simply too cute!

Julie 

Related posts:
Bipolar Disorder and Money
Manic Spending: More Money Saving Tips for People with Bipolar
Bipolar? Seven Money Saving Tips

Why Depressed People Seek Violent Online Content

Why do depressed people seek out violent and aggressive online images and videos?
I’ve lived with serious depression for over 35 years. One behavior that always shocks is my desire for crime scene photos, true crime and violent behaviors that get prosecuted. When I’m not depressed, my desire for this content goes way down. For some people this manifests as more violent video games or porn.

NO ONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT THIS SIDE OF MENTAL ILLNESS…

.. but it’s incredibly normal and my coaching clients tell me stories of how it affects the entire family.

90% of the clients I work with experience a form of violence with a loved one.

Here is an excerpt from a book I’m writing for Penguin about depression and social media. I am not going to use this section exactly in the book, but thought you might like to see it.

My Online Life When Depressed

I look at the most horrible images on my phone. Videos of arrests and fires, dangerous situations and people who have less than I do. I get outraged and then upset and then more depressed………….. but it feels good in the moment. It’s sick.


Depression wants a friend to commiserate with!



Depression seeks content that matches my brain chemicals.


I like shows where killers get caught and get the death penalty. I shout at the screen when people stay in abused situations and I call them, “Stupid morons!”

The pain of others that would normally create empathy or sadness in my brain instead creates a self righteous satisfaction that bad people get what they deserve and stupid people deserve punishment too!

Imagine the destruction this creates if a person is not aware that the depression is causing the change in behavior.

When I’m depressed, I have to remind myself that the depressed part of me will SEEK out what makes me more depressed. It’s sick and twisted, but it’s very real. I then talk to myself and stop the behavior so that I can end the depression instead of feeding it with horrific online content.

As a parent, you first have to know the signs of a child’s depression. You can use my books to make symptom lists. I highly recommend using your Health Cards each time you see the depression starting. (They will be back online for purchase soon! Promise!)

Then, use the ideas in Loving and Take Charge to avoid The Bipolar Conversation.

And finally, focus on depression management all day long when a loved one is depressed. Depression leads to the online behavior- only addressing the behavior never works:


Why do you want to look at such terrible things Julie!



What is wrong with you Julie!


This way of talking only drives the person with depression deeper into the violent thinking and scrolling.

Here is how I talk to myself when I finally realize my negative mood is affecting what I seek online:

Ah, Julie. The serial killer, British true crime detective shows, Murderpedia and crime scene photos are here again. The depression is raging. Let’s focus on the depression and get you out of the this cycle. Let’s fill your brain with something positive. Turn it off. Turn on Parks and Recreation or a Disney Movie. I want the depression to end. Help me help you.

(I really do talk to myself this way!)

Get it Done When You’re Depressed is a constant companion when my angry, murder scrolling gets out of hand. This is the book to get if you want to help someone manage depression.

Julie

 

Related posts:
We need to talk: Violent Behavior in People with Mental Health Disorders
Yes, you can work when you’re manic, depressed, anxious and obsessive
Julie, can’t my child see he is depressed?

Notes from a Writer with Bipolar Disorder and Anxiety

I want to go back in time when it was easier to finish projects.

I often can’t work if my phone and computer are around. The distraction of 24 hour news and social media is too much for my brain.

Will we have a luddite movement one day- come to our office where there are computers and coffee, but no internet!

I’m so distracted when depressed and anxious and it’s way too easy for me to go see what’s happening online in the world of people I don’t even know. It’s ridiculous and I will always fight this desire to loose myself in front of a screen.

Right now, as I write this, I have the internet turned off on the computer so I at least have to think before looking at social media.

Why is it so easy to look at hundreds of posts and videos instead of working? It’s avoidance of the pain of working when you don’t feel well and the result is feeling terrible when I go to bed and when I wake up.

There are goals I want to reach in life – goals that create a stable future. Social media scrolling will NEVER help me reach those goals.

I will post this once my regular work is done and the internet it back on!

Julie

 

Related posts:
I’m not as disciplined as you might think………
Working through bipolar anxiety
Why are we so Avoidant when Anxious!

Why Does Depression Make Us So Mean and Selfish?

 

Why do we have trouble being generous when in a bipolar downswing?

 


Depression is very, very internal and narcissistic. It puts us in our heads so completely that we lose the ability to see the world in a rational way.


 



The depression is talking to us and it is never nice.


It is taking our energy or redirecting our energy.


It makes us overly sensitive or takes away our ability to feel.


It is mean and so nasty. So incredibly nasty. “I would be better off dead.”


It takes our ability to see color and life and possibility.


It robs us of hope.


It removes the ability to be future oriented.


It tells us that we are the problem or it tells us that others are the problem. There is no balance or middle ground.



I could go on and on here, but you get the idea.


 


So, imagine all of that is happening in your head due to BRAIN CHEMICALS. It’s not from how you were raised. It is episodic and is in direct contrast to how you see the world when you’re not depressed. Think about this burden.


 


Waking up with this brain. Going to bed with this brain.


 

Now, try to be generous.

 


Try to be thankful and open and kind.


 


Try to see the happiness of others as a positive.


 


Try to see the world as a safe place.


 


Try to work. Try to make love. Try to go to school.


 


Try to have a rational response to a difficult situation.


 


Try anything.


 


Depression will always get in the way.


 


This is why I teach the idea of Treat Bipolar First. Nothing else matters if you have clinical depression except treating and then managing the depression.


 


This ends the selfish, narcissistic, mean and nasty behaviors.


 


There is no other path. And of course, those of us with bipolar have to treat mania and prevent mania at the same time. A double bubble of trouble!


 


The ONLY path is to deal with the illness that is depression. Then you can be generous. Then you can be happy for others. Then you can be calm.


 


Then you can be you.


 


Julie


 

Related posts:
Are you a selfish, mean and nasty depressed person?
Mania is selfish
Ending Bipolar Depression Isolation

Why are we so Avoidant when Anxious!

What is avoidance and how is it related to anxiety?

Avoidance is where you are active in anything except what you need to do.

When we have a project due and are highly anxious, moving towards the project will create very, very uncomfortable anxiety symptoms. We will do anything to avoid these symptoms because we are human beings and human beings don’t like pain. So we will do things that usually are difficult such as unloading the dishwasher instead of actually sitting down and finishing a book that’s due for example.

Avoidance doesn’t mean you’re sitting in a corner doing nothing. In fact, some people are extremely active during the avoidance process.

I find it interesting that our brains can do multiple things… except the task we’re assigned to do.

What’s happening in our heads?

Why is it so difficult? What is anxiety changing to the point that we can clean our whole house instead of doing two hours of work to finish a project that needs to be sent in the next day?.

I’ve spent my life trying to figure this out. It’s not a flippant question. The reality is that avoidance in anxiety is one of our main problems. Agoraphobia is not only fear of the marketplace, – it’s avoidance of the marketplace completely.

I’m doing all I can to avoid avoidance.

I think avoidance is that face in the middle of this picture. It’s mocking me.

Julie

Related posts:
Yes, you can work when you’re manic, depressed, anxious and obsessive
Bipolar Disorder and Work: I’m unsure what to do, but I will do something anyway!
Generic Lamictal (lamotrigine) for Bipolar Disorder

Feeling Out of Control?

 World crises including pandemics, terrorist attacks and acts of nature bring out the best and the worst in human beings.

Media coverage usually focuses on the worst and makes us think that our world is filled with a bunch of idiots and people who are unable to follow what is best for society.

In reality, the majority of people are law-abiding, kind and open to working on society as a whole. If we only consume human nature through media, our brains will narrowly focus on the ugly and miss out on the beauty.

Julie

Related posts:
Depressing media coverage of our ‘economic’ situation
Bipolar Disorder Rapid Cycling: Feeling better.. a lot better
Football Players, Depression and Bipolar Disorder