Joy Leftow's Blog, page 31

Bellevue Blues Better Than Never Before

Bellevue's changed from back in the dayThe nurse took one look, her eyes met hisYou're sedated she said And over medicated What do you mean he askedI'm on prescribed meds I've been using them for about a yearI just got discharged from Beth Israel Psyche Ward and they gave me all these scripts but I can't get them filled cause they cut off my coverageThese are my meds, he displayed his scripts; I have to get them filledyoung man she stated we don't just give out drugs like that Her hand rested on her hipShe wore pressed white cotton trousersHeld a clipboard in her handShe examined the prescriptions one by oneI get 30 capsules of Cymbalta he said it will cost 145 at drugstore.com and I'm not sure that's not the generic one either then there's this Canadian pharmacy sells the generic duloxetine (du LOX e teen) for seventy-three dollars and I live on social security disability I can't afford all this money I need my drugs - I'm down on my luck waiting for disability retirement insurance to kick in because I really need these medications you see
It's up to you sweetie she slid the clipboard in his hands, here are some forms to fill outWe have procedures we follow around here - just follow me sir she led him to a separate room to see the social worker; be interviewedThe social worker politely informed him,You can't just buy fill prescriptions here; we have a clinic you have to attend regularly we don't just hand out medications we're responsible for your care and well being tooThe patient explained Geodon keeps the hallucinations at bay Lamogine's for the bipolar moodswingsCymbalta along with Mirtazapine works excellently for depression And helps to control the suicidal ideation I play chess for 20 hours sometimes I forget to bathe or eatThe Ambien's to go to sleep - the Klonopin's to stay calm I suffer from anxiety and insomniaSometimes I take all of them and still can't sleepWithout them I go manicIt's just no fun never being allowed a really good night's sleep I attend a mental health center They have doctors nurses therapists even social workers but they don't have a pharmacyWell the nurse said it's up to you it's either us or them - you have to choose, we give you a month's supply when you come in each month and there's no extra chargeyou have to make up your mind - let me assure you we excel at treating mental illnesswe have the best of everything here that they have there or anywhere else after all it's our specialty it always has beenplus we even have a bed ready for you, she smiled sweetly and walked awayHe filled out another form and waited once more for his name to be called.

Bellevue Blues Better than never Before

Bellevue's changed from back in the dayThe nurse took one look, her eyes met hisYou're sedated she said, And over medicated What do you mean he askedI'm on prescribed meds I've been using
them all for about a yearI just got discharged from Beth Israel Psyche Ward they gave me all these scripts but I can't get them filled cause they cut off my coverageAnd I need to have my meds, he displayed his scripts to heryoung man she stated we don't just give them out like that Her hand rested on her hipShe wore pressed white cotton trousersHeld a clipboard in her handShe examined the prescriptions one by oneI get 30 capsules of Cymbalta he said it will cost 145 at drugstore.com and I'm not sure that's not the generic one either then this Canadian pharmacy sells the generic duloxetine for seventy-three dollars and I live on social security disability I can't afford all this money I need my drugs - I'm down on my luck waiting for disability retirement insurance to kick inbecause I need my medications you see
It's up to you sweetie she slid the clipboard in his hands, here are some forms to fill outWe have procedures we follow here just follow me sir she led him to a separate room to see the social worker and be interviewedThe social worker politely informed him,You can't just buy medicines or prescriptions here we have a clinic you have to attend regularly we don't just hand out medications we're responsible for your care and well being tooThe patient explained Geodon keeps the hallucinations at bay Lamogine's for the bipolar moodswingsCymbalta along with Mirtazapine works excellently for depression and helps to control the suicidal tendencies I play chess for 20 hours sometimes I forget to bathe or eatThe Ambien's to go to sleep - the Klonopin's to stay calm I suffer from anxiety and insomniaSometimes I take all of them and still can't sleepWithout them I go manicIt's just no fun never being allowed a really good night's sleep I attend a mental health center They have doctors nurses therapists even social workers but they don't have a pharmacyWell the nurse said it's up to you it's either us or them - you have to choose, we give you a month's supply when you come in each month and there's no extra chargeyou have to make up your mind - let me assure you we excel at treating mental illnesswe have the best of everything here that they have there or anywhere else after all it's our specialty it always has beenplus we even have a bed ready for you, she smiled sweetly and walked awayHe filled out another form and waited once more for his name to be called.

Do me right tonight

The pale dawn light shined on his face
I could tell he wasn't well trapped in his personal hell
Unable to pick himself up like a child who fell
Once too many times running on rhymes
a psychopathic rant
A flaming fuchsia elephant invades my living space
Parades by with a sycophant riding him
While a hierophant stands nearby
reciting Buddhist mantras nam myōhō renge kyō,
Before my eyes behold
a white marble palace
studded with gold and quietly buried
suddenly
beneath black sands of time
He begs admission to another sanatorium
a different mausoleum where the dead struggle
with the living over words written on winds
only ghosts can decipher
coming back to attack they deny the facts
fraught with desire the world's run amok
a phantasmagoric a little white magic moonlight
dripping ice laden branches will do me
just right tonight poppy

I need

a massage, don't you need one too?

How can you go wrong with this half price deal paying $36.50. I'm treating myself for the holiday.

HOLIDAY CELEBRATION – a Libation

I keep trying to tread water in quicksand sinking faster in disgrace in the face of disaster
Life is a carousel of dreams
The famous radio therapist armond demille wrote me his words linger in my head ~you're on a carousel of pain - allow me to help you
as a fellow therapist with professional courtesy due you, I'll charge you only three hundred a session, a concession in my normal fees, I'll cure you of your anomaly, your obsessions, give me your confession sacrifice your worldly possessions give up your attachments there'll be no regression, I'm so darn good at my profession – no more transgressions no more depression
no more digression back to the blues tonight
I can't be perfect I can only be me

A man stops me in Target all smiles, makes eye contact, nods.
merry Christmas to you. I say I don't celebrate Christmas, you're smiling so much why are you so happy?
Ah I'm happy to be with family at Christmas. u must celebrate something too what r u
I don't know what I am Call me Jewish Buddhist if you want –
But you look happy he said Looks are deceiving I said You joke he said you're happy I see you smile really I said I'm always blue I don't believe you
I don't know how to limit myself to one religion
Dubblex is confused they always pick you – why your pretty face in a store full of women- there are so many women around why do they always come to u - he accused
Innocence devious claim to name fame our goals

The "all religion" ~ old religion
all religions are one – the word shall be one shall be done in heart space mind prevails so many travails hate to fail no bailing out I wail in my own jail hit the nail on the head
the world shall be one
one one one (((((((((oneoneoneoneoneoneone))))))) the one and one Irie
lightening and thunder
one nation under god indivisible with liberty and justice for all
one people united by love with peace and justice for all
I want the world on a string to spin in my my my my my my heart's spin in a gleam with a ream of justice in economy for all full of bull
A wedding ring an office slur poetry in the afterlife
nose too big stomach too flabby
It's inflatable unpredictable accounts payable receivable I'm not accountable for your bills my assets are not bequeathable retractable to your psycho babble circumscribable to your collectable circumstancial financials I'm familiar with the details

Fastidious and obsessive compulsive a hidden insidious agenda oblivious to the truth
I keep up with doctor ruth who lives in my hood
Embracing brotherhood understood under the fresh scent of cedarwood tree
The world will imbibe truth like a newborn with a new milk tooth
forsooth my youth I search like a sleuth
for the word shall be the truth
and the truth will set me free

bookstore

bookstore

bookstore

bookstore

Dangerous Ideals

The blues were pure enough to drink
Gallons of oil spilled and wasted
A huge delinquent samurai beguiled
My concentration wavered on the brink

A gallant giant waved wild red roses
At us with thorns that bruised our souls when we walked
Surrounded by danger on the edge of another impending disaster
We dreamed about leaving the trenches

Behind us the giant raged on the wrong balcony
And we ran for the safety of our huts
Escaping the blue monsoon that threatened us
Trying to recover the boundary

Wild thorns overgrown with mastery
They twisted and turned in our feet
Pouring our anguished blood in the street
Our images were replicated on the overhead marquee

That stood above the swaying balcony where disaster flowed for free
Searching through bleary concepts treading on blueberries
We rubbed rose petals on our wounded feet
Looking for the answers to the giant's deceit

The rose petals grew as we touched them
As if ideas could grumble through a storm
the petals grew huge suddenly engulfing our feet
when we realized each rose had lost her stem

And the gentle giant raged no more
He had been beyond reproach
showing us a bloody brochure of what happened
threescore and seventeen years ago

Glumness is getting old as we sit drearily
Fixated on who outfoxed who
While a rainbow of cheery color
Runs parallel a bloody river numbly



for Elizabeth Bishop

jewelry poetry

hand crafts - magical things one can do with no training
with luck you can learn
you can even buy a book on how to do or just sit and play
whatever takes your fancy
my latestpoetry jewelry
faceted authentic amethyst beads mixed with a few classy glass beads
the center bead is blue glass. The clasp is silver.
The colorful glass bead interspersed has mixed blue turquoise pink purple & white color swirls
authentic crystal beads border all other beads to set them off
on blue beading string






 

Then to divert and distract me from my all tasks meet little kitty poetry guy - sweet potato Davie



Isn't he adorable ...

more crafts to distract me - a few of the dread caps I've made





a water color
 An ink drawing on a large mailer    and a drawing with blue magic markerdistractions abound with opportunities ...

Silver Spans the Sky

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The earth so loved the sky she
opened her pregnant desire to him and gave him her verdant green life to create a new day The moon turned vibrant florescent
blue and the sky a flaming fuschia My heart's been achingJes sitting here hurting waiting onyou to come on home to me
I feel like rain inside silver stains the sky Sitting here all alone a misery Drying raindrops falling from my eyeseveryday is a just a new goodbye hard to find a good guythe weather is heavy like the storm
in my head waiting release praying
The strain of the rainstorm pulsates in my headImitating that storm about to explode The light turned bright redFeigned delight while waiting on green That rain is sure to let go  constrained by rain thunder claps in my head the rain maintainsA steady downpour in my heart
If it weren't for the sound of silence rain brings in its wakeI'd go insane waiting for rainFor the few who listen sounds of silence run deeper than an underground well of experience
spreading tense suspense It feels like rain relieves the pain I rein
in the mundane world around meLike the desert needing rain I waitFor the downpour a steady rising in the sunA false start a heady heart a steady downpour in my heart
Like rain I've never been smart in charting my courseLet me explain I try to refrain try to abstain
but it happens again and againLike rain washes the dirt away, the pain lessens when I
eat dessert flirt with a new dayI revert to before the steady downpour of rain inside my heartIt feels like rain again today waiting for me take control over a new domain in the fast lane like a desert waiting for rainI can't complain I can't contain the rain
inside my head it's like a hurricane
Maybe the Dexedrine will dissolve the hurricane A deluxe downpour of rain restrains my brainA campaign takes hold for the rain to cease
along with my pain in my heart Mozart the push cart prize to see the sun rise another dayOh baby it feels like rain again today no
matter how hard I soothsayIt feels like rain today my life's not in vainA downpour of rain streams steadily in my heartI sit and cry wonder how and why
the past has disappeared so fast