Rachel McGrath's Blog, page 2

My Final Two Week Wait…

It feels unreal, but in just over two weeks (could even be less) I will finally get to meet my rainbow baby!

 

Through everything we have endured, and the obstacles we’ve faced, I now look down at my rounded belly and find myself almost feeling that this is some kind of dream. It seems so hard to fathom that I will be a mother, that I will have my baby – the one I’ve longed to hold for so very long.

 

Many people have told me that this pregnancy has gone quickly – trust me it hasn’t. Having waited for this moment for so long, I’ve counted down each week and each day, always looking to the distant finish line. Sometimes I felt I would never get there, and at times it hasn’t been an easy road. Nonetheless, I’m grateful for every moment, every test and obstacle we’ve overcome, and my sheer determination never to give up. When I finally do hold my little baby boy, I know that it will all be worth it. We have truly been blessed with this miracle.

 

I am closer to my rainbow, I can almost reach the colours, and however, I am also aware that there are many women still fighting against their own infertility. That alone reminds me how fortunate I am today. As a couple, we had started to reach a point of acceptance, that perhaps parenthood might not be our destiny. Yet in our hearts we never gave up hope. This pregnancy was a wonderful surprise for us, and there were tense times where I wasn’t sure it would prevail.

 

As each week progressed, I began to feel closer to our destination, yet the anxiety never disappeared. With each day, I’d grow more connected to my baby, but with that, I feared the worst. It started to become unimaginable should something devastating happen; and I didn’t want to think how I would cope if we had to deal with another loss. Through the months, I watched in wonder as my body changed; I started to feel movements, my belly became rounder and harder and we started to make actual plans for our new baby. I had to believe that fate was in our corner this time. I couldn’t let the fear bring me down.

 

I’m now in those final weeks of pregnancy, in the ‘safe’ zone as they call it. If I were to go into labour now, the chances of my baby surviving are very high. But what is safe? Until I can actually hold him in my arms, see him and meet him, I know I will never truly relax. This next two weeks will feel like a year I’m sure. Every day I’m one step closer, and whilst patience isn’t my greatest strength, I keep focusing on the date we are booked in for our caesarean section. That day, when I finally get to hold my baby and know that he is safe – it still feels so unreachable right now.

 

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Multiple Miscarriages? Be an advocate for yourself. By Lora Shahine

Multiple miscarriages? Be an advocate for yourself: When to ask more from your provider…

Lora Shahine, a Physician from Pacific NW Fertility gives her expert view on recurrent miscarriage.

 

Women with miscarriages tell me they feel broken and often ignored. When they are feeling the most vulnerable and grieving a loss of pregnancy they can hear statements from their providers and friends like:

“Miscarriage is common – just try again.”

“At least you conceived, that’s the first step, it will be fine next time.”

“One or two miscarriages can happen but we do not do testing until you have 3 losses.”

 

As the Director of the Center for Recurrent Pregnancy Loss at Pacific NW Fertility in Seattle, WA, I often hear the following:

“My provider wouldn’t do testing.”

“The office wouldn’t see me until 12 weeks of pregnancy but I always have a miscarriage between 6-8 weeks.”

“I was told to just try again but I am scared.”

 

Providers go into medicine to care for people and they want the best for their patients. The fact is, miscarriages make many providers uncomfortable. Why?

Many women will have one miscarriage but recurrent miscarriage is (fortunately) not very common so many providers do not have a lot of experience with recurrent pregnancy loss
Most providers do not have formal training on testing and treating recurrent miscarriage
50% of patients with multiple miscarriages will be unexplained (meaning all the tests come back normal and there is no obvious explanation as to why someone is miscarrying)

This last one is a tough one for most medical providers. They go to school for years to cure illness and fix people. The thought of doing testing and then having to tell the patients that they have no idea why they are losing pregnancies is scary to some providers. They want to have answers for patients just as much as patients want to have the answers to the question: Why did this happen?

 

Why are many patients with RPL considered unexplained?

Because the most common cause of first trimester miscarriage is a genetic issue or chromosome imbalance in the embryo. It is unique to each pregnancy and it happens at conception and no abnormal tests will show up in the patients trying to conceive. If this is the case, options include continuing to try naturally or screening the embryos for chromosomal imbalances via in vitro fertilization (IVF) and preimplantation genetic screening.

 

This does not mean that patients with multiple miscarriages should not be evaluated. If a reason is found – it can decrease the risk of a future miscarriage.

 

Many providers do not do testing for recurrent miscarriage until after the 3rd pregnancy loss, however, the American Society of Reproductive Medicine states that it is reasonable to start an evaluation after 2 losses. They argue that the risk of a subsequent miscarriage after 2 losses is similar than after 3 so that if a cause is found and treated, then a 3rd loss may be prevented.

 

I encourage patients to be an advocate for themselves. Ask questions and find the right provider for you.

 

Tips

Some general practitioners and obgyns will have experience with recurrent miscarriage but many will not – ask about their experience and what they are willing to do – ask when they consider referring to a specialist
Reproductive endocrinologists are the specialists for recurrent miscarriage – they are physicians who train in obstetrics and gynaecology and then do specialty training in reproductive endocrinology and infertility. Not all reproductive endocrinologists care for patients with recurrent miscarriage but most will have had the training in their fellowship.
Some maternal fetal medicine physicians or perinatologists (specialty training for high risk pregnancy after training in obstetrics and gynaecology) have a special area of interest in recurrent miscarriage but not all
If you are seeing a specialist, ask about their experience, comfort level, plans for evaluation, and treatment
Find someone that will listen to you and answer your questions
Read online but be careful – not everything you read online is true or safe. Patients with recurrent miscarriage are vulnerable and can get to the point when they will ‘try anything.’ Review supplements, vitamins, treatments with a medical provider
Find a support network to help – some communities have miscarriage support groups – look online. One good resource is the national organization: resolve.org

 

Most importantly – do not lose faith in your body and your ability to conceive. Some of those statements that providers say to women with miscarriage are based on good science – they could just be said in a different way and with more empathy. Most women with multiple miscarriages go on to have healthy babies as long as they keep trying. The right support team, including your medical provider, can help give you the courage to keep trying.

 

 

Find a provider that says something like this:

“Miscarriage is common but that doesn’t mean it’s ok or that you’re not allowed to ask questions, get an evaluation, and grieve. The vast majority of the time the cause has something to do with the embryo – not stress, a glass of wine you had before you knew you were pregnant, or a cup of coffee. We should do testing to see if we can find a cause but even without any testing or intervention – the very next time you conceive it might be successful. When you are ready to try again, I know a positive pregnancy test is just the beginning, and I’ll be with you each step of the way.”

 

Contact Lora Shahine via any of the links below.

Website | Yelp | Facebook | Twitter | Linked In| You Tube | Google+

 

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Lindsay’s Story – Guest Blog

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and rescues those who are crushed in spirit.” ~ Psalm 34:18

It was snowing the morning my third baby, Layla Donna was born.  It was March 25, 2015 and she arrived into this world, a pink bundle of joy. I remember her smell, like sweet roses.  Her aroma and tiny breaths calmed me as I placed her on my chest where she slept peacefully.  It had been a difficult pregnancy in so many ways.  I looked at my husband Jason, who was smiling and then closed my eyes, trying to understand all the thoughts and emotions that were circling through my heart in that moment.  Eighteen months before, on November 12, 2013, our son, Joseph Michael was born into heaven, his due date would have been March 25, 2014. I shuddered as I thought about that coincidence.  Or was it a coincidence?   Why was Layla born on this day?  What does it mean?   I touched her soft hair and closed my eyes fighting back tears.  I still grieved Joseph’s loss.  I realized I was still so broken despite my joy at that moment.

Pregnancy after a stillborn is impossible to describe. Waiting for my Rainbow to be born proved to be an ultimate test of my faith. Feeling Layla’s small kicks reminded me of my son.  It was magical.  With Joseph, I suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum that was very difficult, but the bond between us was forming with each kick or roll in my belly.   I was filled with motherly love.  He was my second pregnancy, so I knew that kind of love all too well. After I reached twelve weeks, I dismissed the thought of miscarriage or that anything could be wrong as many mothers do.  The doctor told me I was out of the risk zone.  At nearly 26 weeks, in an exam room on a hard table, I learned that he was gone.  I felt my soul die, but at the same time I was strangely alive.  You see, my heart had been so closed since I was sixteen, after I suffered a violent rape. The trauma of a rape and the loss of my son, began my healing toward restored faith.

The day I saw another positive pregnancy test after losing Joseph, was one of the scariest days of my life.  I had little faith that this pregnancy would result in a baby, and I became angry. I was just beginning to face the pain of my past and allowing my heart to feel again.  I was just beginning to face my darkness and going through another pregnancy seemed unbearable. I was lost and even though my husband was there to hold me, I never felt so alone in my entire life.  Most people saw this pregnancy as a joyful event for us, but all I felt was misery.  One day my mother said, “Every time I close my eyes, I see a bright ball of light surrounding your womb.  This baby will be fine.” It gave me a glimmer of hope. Finally, she was born and was so perfect, alive and healthy.

After we came home, I felt sad but couldn’t cry.  I was still so confused and felt so undeserving of this little one.  Suddenly, I felt her little hand on my cheek.  It was as if she knew.  And I began to sob as I sat for a long time in her rocker with her against my chest.

As the tears fell, I felt God’s embrace and love pouring out once again.  While I had felt that my faith was gone, it was actually Faith itself that got me through all along.  Faith helped me pick up a pen and journal.  Faith led me to practice meditation and yoga.  Faith gave me confidence, even in my fear.  I was beginning to anchor my soul. Pregnancy is a journey of the mother’s soul.  It is an opportunity to search for the Divine Mother within and meet God in unknown places.

On March 25, 2015, my labor begun. I felt Spirit around me and my prayers were answered.  It is no coincidence.  It is Amazing Grace.

 

Lindsay is bravely sharing her story in the hope to connect and support other women who have also experienced similar loss. Sadly, many women still feel they need to grieve alone.

Connect with Lindsay via her website at http://www.healthymomhappybaby.com or contact her directly by email.

 

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Beyond the Rainbow

This week I am thirty weeks pregnant, and by now I should now be comfortable and confident in this pregnancy right? Wrong!

I still worry, I still have doubts, and I still fear that this promise of my rainbow baby could be taken away from me at any moment. Perhaps that sounds paranoid, but it’s my reality.

Many ask me why I jest about this pregnancy, about the fact that I can now feel my baby move most of the day, that I don’t sleep at night or can’t eat without severe heartburn. Quietly, I am loving the fact that I’m pregnant, but my reality is that I am high risk with constant monitoring, scans and check-ups, I’m on edge and I still worry. It keeps me awake at night, and my mind cannot stop as I try desperately to look ahead, yet still feel that at any moment it will all be gone.

I’ve wanted to enjoy this pregnancy, but it has been difficult. Even having reached many of the milestones we never thought were possible, and with each new positive step forward, there is always a cloud of doubt in my mind… Is this for real?

Many women who have dealt with pregnancy loss have told me that my fears and anxieties are not that irrational. This is a difficult journey for any woman, with so much knowledge but so little control. However, having experienced losses in the past, and having come so far this time, I feel I need to protect my heart above everything else. Until the day that I get to hold my new born baby in my arms, I’m not sure I will truly relax. I feel a little sad about this; guilty that I am not enjoying this time more. I am constantly wishing away the weeks until I meet our baby boy.

So when I do make jokes about my pregnancy ailments, or I hesitate on buying certain things for my baby, please know that this is the only way I know how to protect my emotions. I’m desperately trying to keep a safe distance, yet with each day I find myself growing more attached. I am blessed to be here, as I know many have not made it this far, and yet I’m still scared to death. Every moment of every day I worry about this pregnancy, and rightly or wrongly, I have kept a safe distance from imagining too far ahead.

Despite all of this, I still remain hopeful, and I continue to be thankful for something I thought was never possible. With each day, I am one more step closer to meeting my Rainbow Baby.

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The Road to my Rainbow

For the past four years my goal has been to get pregnant with my rainbow baby. It has been all I have hoped and dreamed for, and I remained determined never to give up. I was lucky. I fell pregnant easily, but sadly I couldn’t ever seem to stay pregnant, until now.

I count myself even luckier today as I reach my half way point, further than I have ever reached before; many women don’t even get that chance. Some would assume that passing my initial milestones, things would be easy from there onwards, but this journey still continues to test me and my strength towards becoming a mother. Nevertheless, my determination grows stronger each day, as my belly has started to swell and I now feel the tiny movements, reassuring me that I’m carrying the child I had dreamed of for so long now.

The books and fairy tales paint motherhood as such a wonderful journey, full of excitement and fulfilled dreams. Whilst it promises that, there are certainly many anxieties and fears to face along this journey as the little life that grows inside of me offers no predictability and absolute assurance.

I have not had an easy pregnancy, yet still I cannot complain; after all I am pregnant. We have had a few scares along the way, always keeping me on my toes and reminding me not to take this pregnancy for granted – ever!

Every day though I worry, I feel anxious over simple signs, and it feels surreal that in just over four months I will meet my new-born son. All I want is to hold my gorgeous baby, feel that he is real, shower him with affection and truly become the mother I have dreamed to be for so long now.

I am only half way along this road, but I’ve come so far, I’m not giving up now; rain, hail or shine, I am going to reach my rainbow and the pot of gold that is waiting for me at the end – my beautiful baby son!

 

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Breaking Social Norms

Infertility affects approximately 1 in 10 couples, and 1 in 4 pregnancies result in miscarriage. Fertility rates decline by around 10% per month for women over the age of thirty-five. Recurrent miscarriage (over three losses in a row) affects 1% of the female population.

Nowadays, everywhere I go, it feels as though these infertility statistics are taunting me. Had I been asked a few years back about these, I would have possibly shrugged my shoulders with ambivalence. I hadn’t heard much about such issues and I was not truly aware that it was such a prevalent challenge among women. In fact I may have said that I did not know anyone who had experienced miscarriage or infertility. But that in fact wasn’t true. With those statistics it was all around me, I just wasn’t aware.

The biggest issue, from my perspective about infertility, is that no one actually talks about it. Apart from direct family members or perhaps very close friends, I found that most women avoid sharing their own challenges with infertility. Some won’t even share their experiences beyond their partner.

Having personally experienced four miscarriages, as well as several medical issues throughout my efforts to conceive, I found the situation incredibly lonely and at times overwhelming. There were times I felt unsure of who I could talk to and it felt as if there was this unspoken ‘social norm’ to remain quiet on the subject and avoid sharing my own feelings of loss and grief. Talking about miscarriage or fertility in general seemed to create discomfort as a topic of conversation.

Everyone deals with grief their own way and everyone has their own way of coping through adversity. My preference was to express my emotions, and I was lucky to have an outlet in close family and a select group of friends. Nonetheless, I still found it difficult at times. Occasionally it was hard to articulate how I was feeling, and I found myself getting frustrated when others didn’t understand. All of my ambitions to become a parent were quickly becoming thwarted and I needed to express this in a way that I understood. So I wrote.

I found writing a therapeutic release, and my words became my journal of experiences, each chapter expressing my inner most turmoil, detailing the circumstances and conditions I had never expected to face. This was in essence my own self-help therapy, and it soon became an escape from reality. I was able to intimately convey all of my hopes and fears as I went through each stage, the ups and downs of a seemingly endless conception cycle and the physical and mental turmoil of each pregnancy and its ultimate loss.

Many have asked me why I published my story, wondering why I would want to continually bring so many hard and emotive memories back to the surface. Well firstly, I never assumed that my personal journal would turn into a book, and each time I fell pregnant I truly thought that I would provide a happy ending for myself. My small journal of entries soon became a chronicle, and something I would periodically reopen and continue writing at my greatest hours of need. It became my solace, in a sense my peace of mind as I could translate my feelings into something real on the paper in front of me.

In writing on this subject, I found myself becoming more comfortable opening up to family and friends, expressing fears and doubts through my personal challenges, and even expressing my personal situation with colleagues at work, who clearly hinted to me that they sensed something was amiss.

In so many spheres women are expected to carry on, get back to work and life as normal after losing something so precious, so important to them. I found that concept particularly difficult. When everything I had hoped for was slipping from my fingers, I was still meant to wake each morning, and operate as if nothing had happened? As people understood what I was dealing with, I found them more amiable to my personal ups and downs.

My writing was intended to help me through this turmoil, but my hope is that it also helps others. As I became more transparent about my own situation I found other women who started to also open themselves up to me in return. I have been astounded by the stories and circumstances of these brave, courageous women, and I found it inspiring and hopeful to hear of those who have conquered their infertility through sheer determination and the wonders of new medical routes helping them to start their own families.

Talking about the subject of infertility with candidness is uncomfortable, and it seems to generate an uneasiness or hesitation on how to respond in conversation. Nonetheless, I’m dealing with this ‘illness’ every day, and it can impact my work, my social life and my decisions for the future.

There are so many women like me, in a similar situation, or having experienced challenges far worse. Hence, my quest is to encourage us to get comfortable and break the ‘social norm’ of staying silent on this subject. I want to recognise infertility for what it is, it’s an illness; something people have to deal with, and work through. Like any illness, some find a way through it successfully, others need to reconcile that it is a lifelong condition.

Regardless, opening up the channels of communication and support will be fundamental to helping women understand their own situation, and recognising their choices early.

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Why we NEED to talk about the baby

As a woman who struggled with fertility, and having experienced multiple miscarriages, I was shocked by the social discomfort that surrounds the subject of trying to conceive, infertility and loss.

 

Like many women I had at times wondered if I would ever really fulfil my destiny to be a mother; the losses I experienced reinforced these fears and heartbreak, placing questions on my ability to conceive and carry a baby to full term. Yet, more so, the isolation and sometimes social awkwardness surrounding my situation made my quandary much harder to face.

 

There should be no silence in pregnancy loss and no shame in infertility, says the new documentary about Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infertility: Don’t Talk About the Baby.

 

This is the first documentary, which will openly explore the stigma surrounding pregnancy loss and infertility. Don’t Talk About the Baby is not just a movie; it is about social change, awareness and exploration of the cultural roots of the taboo around this specific subject area.

 

The intent of this documentary is clear from the producers: “Too many couples suffer through miscarriage, stillbirth and infertility and are silenced by the stigmas our culture places on such difficult topics. This documentary will give people the education and tools to start conversations, build support and spread awareness.”

 

I have personally been following this brave documentary from its conception, and I cannot wait to see the end product, hearing real voices and helping to open the channels of communication. The clear aim is to provide visibility to an issue that is often hidden from public view, helping to raise awareness and clear the shame surrounding infertility and pregnancy loss.

 

For more information or to follow Don’t Talk about the Baby, visit the Facebook page here.

 

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Guest Blog: Lessons Learned from my Stillbirth*

Introducing guest blogger, Bridget Osho, a holistic fertility therapist and the founder of Cherie Mamma.  This is her story.

 

Several years ago, I met my husband and got pregnant. Everything seemed ok, I tried to do the right things and the pregnancy progressed well. I didn’t know much about pregnancy then but I had heard that you needed to be careful in the first three months because during that time you faced a higher risk of pregnancy loss (I don’t remember where I read that).

 

Anyway, the first 3 months of my pregnancy were fairly uneventful, so you can imagine my absolute shock when early one morning about 27 weeks into my pregnancy, I woke up to a deafening silence. It took me a few seconds to understand why everything ‘felt’ quiet and it occurred to me that my son wasn’t moving like he normally did. It was very strange, we woke up together every morning and in fact he woke me up sometimes. I just ‘knew’ something was wrong and starting prodding him by tickling my stomach hoping that he’d respond like he usually did.

 

I rushed to the hospital already in tears and scans confirmed what I already knew – that my son was no longer alive. I was in total shock and it took me a while to actually believe he was really gone. The next 6 months or so were the most difficult period of my life. I was depressed, I avoided almost everyone. At some point, I was even too scared to go out, I am not sure why. I blamed myself, blamed my husband, blamed my family, blamed God. Apart from the deep sense of loss I felt, I also felt sorry for my son. Why did he have to suffer? He was innocent, if I had done anything wrong, why was it taken out on him? There were so many unanswered questions.

 

My GP referred me to a counsellor but that didn’t go well. The counsellor told me that because she didn’t bond with her children during pregnancy, she didn’t really understand why I felt so sad about losing my pregnancy. Needless to say, I never went back.

 

After about 6 months, the fog just lifted. I remembered picking the phone to call my mum – I hadn’t done that for months. She did call me, or my husband but I always avoided any conversation. My mum was so happy that day, I remember my sister calling me later on to say my mum was so happy, she danced around the house. I am incredibly lucky that it took me only about 6 months to come to terms with my loss, for many women it takes much longer.

 

I haven’t forgotten my son, I never will but I have moved on. It has really helped that I now have two beautiful kids, and it has also helped that I have been able to turn that incident into a difficult learning experience. These are the lessons that I learnt:

I have a deep passion for everything pregnancy . Remember when I said I didn’t know much about pregnancy? I now know quite a lot! I have since qualified as a holistic fertility therapist and I am currently studying for a PhD to better understand stillbirths from the women’s point of view. I did this to help me have successful pregnancies and to help as women as I could.
Miscarriages and stillbirths are not the fault of the woman. Most women would do everything possible to care for their babies. Following general guidelines as much as possible can help but in most cases, there is nothing a woman can do to prevent pregnancy loss.
It is ok to ask for support and it is ok to talk about your pregnancy loss. I think it is time to end the social taboo on talking about pregnancy loss. It makes it difficult for families to move on and pregnancy loss is a fact of life. This is why I love what Rachel is doing with her blog.
Your feelings and opinions are valid: Too often, women’s suspicions about their bodies and their pregnancies are dismissed as lacking ‘scientific’ objectivity. However, we do ‘know’ our bodies, after all we’ve had them all our lives! While we might not be trained health professionals, we are experts in our own bodies. If you suspect anything wrong with your pregnancy, insist on being taken seriously. You might be saving your baby’s life.
Conventional medicine is not perfect. It cannot resolve every fertility problem. For many people, adopting a natural approach such as nutritional therapy, stress management techniques, the use of alternative practices etc. can help them to achieve the balance they need to conceive their babies. Sometimes we need to think outside the box and be original; gentle natural strategies have worked for many people even when fertility treatments haven’t.

 

That was my stillbirth experience and those are my lessons. Have you suffered a pregnancy loss or struggled with infertility? What are your own thoughts on your experience?

 

*A stillbirth is pregnancy loss after 6 months; a miscarriage is pregnancy loss before 6 months.

 

Cherie Mamma – the platform through which she teaches natural fertility strategies to women who want to become mums after unsuccessful fertility treatments. You can find out more about her and her work at www.cheriemamma.org.

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The Colours of a Rainbow

I have travelled this path for some time now. Always searching for my rainbow, hoping that one-day this storm will pass. Many of you have been walking with me; holding my hand when I’ve needed it and urging me to keep walking, when I slowed down. There have been times where I have wanted to turn around, or find a different route; sometimes it has been unclear how far I would need to travel to reach my destination; to find my rainbow.

 

Last year was a particularly challenging leg of this journey; it really tested my willpower and my hope. There were times where I had felt like giving into the storm or turning back. Towards Christmas, as a couple, we decided to take some shelter for our own well-being, deciding a pause was needed until the New Year. However, Mother Nature clearly didn’t agree with our decision.

 

Only a few days before Christmas, something was different, in a strange and familiar way. On a whim, we tested, and low and behold, that test was positive. To say we were shocked is an understatement. But as we were forced along this path once more, our celebrations were quickly placed on hold with the discouraging signs that I had experienced in pregnancies past. The year ended with anxiety and despair, our situation seemed hopeless as the New Year clicked over and I felt I would be facing yet another loss.

 

That is one of the strange mysteries surrounding Mother Nature. Just as I was expecting to face the thick of the storm, the rain clouds miraculously started to scatter, once New Year’s Day passed. With limited expectations, I took an early scan and was given a quiet hope that this pregnancy was still viable and actually growing. We walked slow and steady along the path through the following weeks, celebrating each small milestone. The rain finally stopped as a strong heartbeat was confirmed for the very first time.

 

As I looked up, I was at last seeing the colours of a rainbow in the distance; the sky seemed to brighten as I walked faster and with growing confidence. Having only reached so far on this journey before, I am now in new territory, but the road is becoming clearer and I’m excited about this part of my journey. I’m not there yet, there is still a long way to go, but I’m determined not to lose sight of that rainbow.

 

It feels incredibly surreal, but this week I will be twelve weeks pregnant; reaching the end of my first trimester! This road is still long, and perhaps I will face a few more bumps and obstructions along the way; but now I am even more determined to reach that rainbow ahead of me. This journey has been challenging, frustrating and at times desperate, but when I finally reach that beautiful rainbow I promise to never let it go.

 

#FindingtheRainbow

My memoir – Finding the Rainbow (available to purchase now)

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The Big Four ‘uh’ Oh

Every year, I can hear my biological clock, ticking louder and louder. This is the year I turn forty, and it seems I’m being reminded around every corner of the health profession of my impending ‘old age’.

 

The thing is, I never thought of myself as a potential older mum until this point. Now, the reality is that every year my chances are getting more and more difficult. Rewind back a few centuries and a woman my age could almost be a grandmother. But that was then, this is now, and times have changed. So why can’t the medical profession seem to at least acknowledge this.

 

There is a degree of insensitivity that I continually find with specialists and doctors, who feel that they are warning me against the pitfalls of my age; they don’t seem to understand that it only adds to a woman’s anxieties through an already stressful time.

 

Last week, I was actually called a ‘geriatric patient’. I’m thirty-nine, not ninety-nine! I’m fit and I’m healthy, and I have no other major ailments except that I’ve experienced recurrent miscarriage. So why are these patronising terms still being used, when they only make us feel negative and even more anxious about that ticking biological clock?

 

The reality is that many women nowadays are starting their conception journey later in life; and many are successfully starting families. Miscarriage happens. Even back in the Middle Ages, women experienced miscarriage and loss; not much has really changed. Yes, our bodies were designed to start a family earlier, however, today we have the benefit of advanced technologies, as well as a more acute awareness of our own health and well-being. People are living longer, and every day there are new possibilities in the field of medical science.

 

So I say, forget about the numbers, and take charge of your own destiny. I am a true believer that when the time is right, good things will come!

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