L.J. Higgins's Blog, page 20

In Their Shoes – A Life Changing Moment

Drawing in an exaggerated breath I slide down the wall until my body finds the cool white tiles beneath me. I pull my knees towards my chest and hug them letting my breath out loudly sighing. The small white object that holds my fate sits across from me. The weight of the world settles on my shoulders at the sight of it. I sink more heavily onto the cold floor.

How could I have let this happen? Why me?

A tear trickles down my warm cheek and I swallow hard to hold back anymore that might be waiting to break free.

Not yet! I tell them. Not until I know for sure.

Again I glance towards it. Many women would stare in anticipation and with excitement, willing their lives to be forever changed. Not me. I watch it with both dread and anxiety knowing the power it holds over the rest of my life, and what happens the moment I open the bathroom door to re-enter the outside world. The world where I would face judgement and ridicule, lose my closest friend and the respect of my family.

Shaking the thoughts from my mind I stand and lean on the vanity my hands straddling the sink. My mind searches for the courage to take a hard look at myself in the large mirror in front of me. I lift my gaze from the shine of the white sink to my own reflection. The disgust I have for myself and the sadness that goes with it almost allows the tears that well in my eyes to cascade down my flushed cheeks. Another loud hard swallow pushes them back.

Braver I stare into my dark blue eyes tinted with reds and pinks, my long dark hair is tied up into a messy bun. Some strands have fallen out around my face and I tuck them behind my ears. My face is paler than its usual olive complexion, but I suppose that is to be expected under the current circumstances. Deeper than that, deeper than my plain, unattractive appearance, is a sixteen year old girl who did something incredibly stupid that has the potential to ruin not only her closest relationships and her reputation, but the rest of her life.

All I wanted was to feel like I was special… normal… attractive. Somebody that boys actually wanted to be with instead of ignore and only date her friends. When he approached me at the party I was sitting on a hay bale by myself staring at the fire that burned eagerly in a rusty drum that had been cut in half. Giggly from an array of premixed drinks I’d eagerly swallowed down to calm my nerves I knew nobody really wanted me to be at the party. I had only been invited because of my best friend. I’d left the house with the thought that maybe if I went on my own someone would see me instead of her. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but once there I realised how invisible I truly was. He sat down beside me with a wide smile and knowing my best friend, his girlfriend, wasn’t allowed to attend, I enjoyed the flirtation and the way it made me feel. He said the right things; I was so pretty, one of the nicest girls he’d ever met, he didn’t really like Bec anymore, he’d always had a secret crush on me.

It was wrong, I knew it was, but still I let him seduce me with dirty tasting cigarettes that left an awful pool of filth in my mouth and even more premixed drinks that made my head light and my stomach churn. We flirted and laughed, and for the first time I believed someone thought I was special. He took my hand and led me to a nearby park, and although panic set in when he pushed me gently towards the wet grass, his affections, kind words and the amount of alcohol I’d consumed made me push it away, ignore it.

He never spoke to me again, and he never broke up with Bec. Instead I lived every day with a terrible guilt, and the sense of being dirty and not good enough. He had taken so much away from me, my close friendship, my self-respect and my virginity.

Now I sit here on the edge of the bathtub awaiting the news. The instructions read it would take ‘just three minutes for your results,’ but it has been the longest three minutes of my life. Across the floor I look once again at the white stick, but I can’t make out the result. I draw in a slow, steady breath and make my way over to it. My hand scoops it up from the cool tiles but I am unable to bring myself to look directly at the panel that will determine my future.

You can do this. A weight shifts from my shoulders as I look at the results panel, there is only one pink line. I’m not pregnant. But the weight only moves to my heart heavier than before. Another tear escapes and rolls down my cheek, I wipe it away hiding the pregnancy test in my pocket and step through the bathroom door back to my miserable reality.

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Published on May 10, 2015 09:45

Dawn of the Dreamer Launch Party Album

Visit www.facebook.com/ljhigginsbooks to check out all of the photos taken by the amazing

Sara Jane Photography at Dawn of the Dreamers launch party April 2015.

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Published on May 08, 2015 01:09

Dawn of the Dreamer Launch Party Album

Visit www.facebook.com/ljhigginsbooks to check out all of the photos taken by the amazing

Sara Jane Photography at Dawn of the Dreamers launch party April 2015.

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Published on May 07, 2015 15:09

Launch Party Speech

Thank you all for taking time out of your busy lives to help celebrate the launch of Dawn of the Dreamer. The support you have given me has been overwhelming and I am excited to share this achievement with you all.

Two years ago I decided to find myself again. I wanted to be more than a mum, and was desperate not to lose myself in a world of nappies and bottles. My first step was creating a blog. Somewhere I could express my views on the world and use the vivid imagination I have always possessed. Then a good friend of mine gave me a notebook with a post it note stuck inside the cover urging me to continue writing finishing with the line, “I can’t wait to read your future novel.”

With no word of a lie that night I woke up from a dream that was the seed that grew into Amelia’s tale in Dawn of the Dreamer, and the Dreamer Trilogy. I enjoyed writing and using my imagination again, escaping into the future with Amelia and her friends. Throughout this experience I have learnt so much and am excited to continue learning the craft of writing and embrace all of the enjoyment and challenges that come with publishing a book.

Writing can mean many hours in your own world, but I have been incredibly fortunate to be surrounded by amazing people who are eager to help me achieve my dreams. I want to say a huge thank you to the team that helped me mould Dawn of the Dreamer so that it was ready to release into the world; My mum Jane, Margaret, Tizena, Jacqui, Tash, Kym, Jenna, Jacob, Patrice and Michalea. I am so grateful for the time and effort you put into a project that was so important to me and never once did any of you ask for something in return.

Also a huge thank you to those who volunteered to help today; Mum, Lisa, Tash, Jacqui, Katey, Mad, Mel, Louise, Christine and my amazing MC Katie Wilson. Because of you I have been able to relax and enjoy this moment. I also want to thank Mikes Marvels for the delicious food and the amazing cake that we will be cutting shortly. And I want to thank Sara from Sara Jane Photography for taking photos of this special occasion.

I was also lucky to receive donations for the lucky door prizes and would like to thank; Christine at Created by Christine, Kelsey an Independent Scentsy Consultant, Tyra an Arbonne Independent Consultant, Amanda a Your Inspiration at Home Consultant and Heidi at Firefly Amber. I would also like to thank Jen at Amelia V’s House for her donation for the Instagram Competition. Their donations were more than I could ask for and I know the winners will love their prizes.

Last but not least I need to thank my husband Tim for supporting me from the very moment I announced I wanted to write and publish a novel. You always kept me focused and reminded me of the end goal when doubt crept in. I am so fortunate to have you and our two beautiful children always by my side.

Thank you again for coming today, especially those of you who travelled, and I hope that you enjoy reading the words of Dawn of the Dreamer as much as I enjoyed writing them.

THANK YOU to the following businesses for their services & donations towards this event:

Mikes Marvels – Gourmet Cakes, Cupcakes & Sweet Treats

Sara Jane Photography – Capturing all of the special moments

Created by Christine – Bead Bookmarks & Recycled beaded necklace for Lucky Door Prizes

Kelsey Independent Scentsy Consultant – Gift for Lucky Door Prize

Firefly Amber – Wrap Bracelet for Lucky Door Prize

Tyra Arbonne Independent Consultant – Gift for Lucky Door Prize

Amanda a Your Inspiration at Home Independent Consultant – Gift for Lucky Door Prize

Amelia V’s House – Framed Wire Art “Imagine, Dream, Believe” for Instagram Competition

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Published on April 18, 2015 16:15

Launch Party Speech