Annette Mori's Blog, page 42
July 29, 2016
Amazongate
I’m not one of those authors that complain about legitimate poor reviews or the review standards. I’ve only brought forward an issue on two occasions. The first time I was inspired by a fellow author who encouraged us to let Amazon know about our concerns regarding the haphazard manner in which they remove reviews. They’d removed two of my reviews and I still have no idea why. They weren’t reviews from family or friends, but rather Facebook friends a hunky male and a princess with tentacles as my two main characters.
As I dug further into the less than positive review and subsequent reviews which were at best lackluster, I learned that my profile and another author’s profile were inadvertently linked. Suddenly there was a book listed with a half-naked male on the cover with the same title. This new book linked to my Amazon author’s page was definitely not the type of book that I would write because well…gasp…I’m a lesbian. I suppose they thought we were the same person…she has brown hair too!
Now I know that some heterosexual women write gay male fiction and some heterosexual men write lesbian fiction, but I’d decided a long time ago that making money was not important to me. I like to read lesbian romance, so that’s what I was going to write.
The response to my correspondence that there was an error was also quick and polite. There was nothing in that poor review that violated their guidelines and they would not be reviewing the issue further. I think that was a form letter too.
The outpouring from the readers and their repeated attempts to correct the error did not seem to budge the giant who did not seem to grasp the issue, although I can’t really understand why. I swear I’m not making this up. Here is the back of the book summary of my version:
Here is the first negative review:
Do these belong together? I think not. I suddenly thought of grade schools tests where the various pictures are put together and you have to choose the one that doesn’t fit and any six year old could figure them out. I’m pretty sure the Amazon executives are over six years of age.
I started seeing my average score for reviews plummet and decided to call customer service. They instructed me to call back the next day, which I did. Finally, I talked to a real live person and directed her to the Amazon page and voila’, she got it. She was very polite and assured me that it would be corrected and asked that I give Amazon three days to work things out. As you can see from the picture below I was very motivated to separate her reviews from mine.
I’m OCD or as a true OCD person might say, CDO…so I checked every day. On the first day Amazon managed to separate the other author and myself when a person searched for the Annette Mori version of Out of This World. Like magic…I was now the only author listed. The second day, Amazon managed to remove the other incorrect versions of my book under my Amazon Author’s Page, so you could no longer access the half-naked man when clicking on the other kindle or paperback listings. The third day they managed to correct the number of reviews and my overall score, but the reviews for the other book remained, including the editorial reviews and people could still read the not so positive comments about the heroine with tentacles.
I really wish that if Amazon is going to make this same mistake again, they link my book with a book that gets all five star reviews and maybe I’ll finally reach the magical number of 50 which I’m told is what it takes for them to recommend my book.
I continued to hold my breath, even though I told all the readers not to hold their breath that Amazon would correct everything by Friday. It’s now Friday and guess what…although it show only 21 reviews, those additional lackluster reviews for Patricia’s book and her editorial reviews are still showing on the link to my book. Damn…gonna have to fight with them again on Monday or get Affinity to fight with them. As you can see the right side still shows Patricia’s reviews…sigh.
Here are the top five lessons learned:
1) Even if you do a search for your title that doesn’t guarantee this won’t happen to you, her book came out in July of this year while mine came out in October of last year. (although Out of This World was very popular with over 200 books with the same title – only three were lesbian books)
2) We have a wonderful community because several people took the torch and fought with Amazon on my behalf.
3) OCD or CDO really does pay off because if I didn’t read reviews, I never would have found this error.
4) Maintaining a sense of humor is a good thing and really this won’t matter in ten years…hell it won’t matter in ten days.
5) Don’t write Amazon, call them if you want to have a snowball’s chance in hell of correcting the problem and even then it’s iffy.
If you want to check out either the real reviews or Patricia’s reviews…you know the drill hit the links below. Of course I wouldn’t mind if you decide to add to those reviews! Just keep in mind if a review talks about tentacles, that’s not mine. It’s way too close to the word testicles…
Affinity Author Page Amazon Author Page
July 22, 2016
Juggling Balls
How many balls is too many? I’m not talking about those balls…I am a lesbian, you know. I’m referring to the multiple projects one person takes on. In a previous blog and past Facebook posts, I’ve admitted to how many cats I have, my propensity toward hoarding, and various quirks landing squarely in the OCD category, but I don’t think I’ve yet explored where to draw the line on starting a new project.
Is three current works in progress okay, but the minute you add a fourth, you’ve entered into crazy recluse writer territory? If that’s the case, then I’m there.
I was thinking in the shower this morning (I get my most profound thoughts while naked letting the warm water sooth my muscles after a workout) about how my sister used to leave partially eaten fruit, donuts, etc. and when my mother would clean her room she would chastise her because…um…yeah…kinda gross. That’s how I’m starting to feel about the numerous half written books sitting on my laptop glaring at me right now.
I keep putting out teasers on projects that aren’t even close to the finish line. Currently I am co-writing two different books with two different co-writers and I feel a sense of responsibility to advance the ball on each one, so I’ve tapped out a pitiful number of words each night. I started thinking about the phrase advance the ball and had to laugh at the mental picture in my head where I was jumping from rugby field to rugby field playing in two separate games (I was a former rugger). Who does that? Crazy, recluse writers…that’s who.
When I have several projects going at once, I have to remember which one I’m adding to lest I get the storyline and characters mixed up. Last night I was adding a little bit to two different stories and completely ignoring my wife who’d been out of town the previous evening (I keep telling everyone, I am no prize to live with and my wife is a saint). I blame it on the balls.
So I ask all the readers and writers out there…how many balls tip a writer over into the ridiculous territory?
If you want to read the balls I did manage to get to the end zone…check out the links below.
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July 15, 2016
GCLS Wrap-Up
With the drama of the big move over, whatever will I talk about in my weekly blog? How about highlights from GCLS? I should probably wait until the end of the conference…nah what’s the fun in that? Footnote: I started this two days before the end of the conference and finished it on the plane as I headed home.
The conventional advice that after you jump over the hurdle of your first reading, it gets easier, did not necessarily hold true for me. I fretted for several hours before I read and no amount of encouragement eliminated the hand tremors and nausea I experienced, especially since the first reader on our group was Melissa Brayden who has a theater background…enough said. It was a blur and I’m told I did well (of course I was told that by my wife, fellow authors and supportive friends and they may have embellished more that me).
Since last year’s conference, I’ve written four more books and collected a few more readers so the sales have been respectable versus pitiful compared to last year as a completely new and unknown author. In addition, I completely broke out of my self-imposed shell and signed up for two panels and a spotlight reading. After the Lonestar Lesfic Festival and the two panels I sat on there, I convinced myself…I can do this! If I can survive sitting on a panel with Radcliffe who was incredibly nice and encouraging, I can muddle my way through the Panels at GCLS.
The panels, the readings, the sales are all great, but they are not the highlights to the conference. The highlights for me were meeting the writers and readers that I’ve conversed with over Facebook over the past year and oh…I guess… winning a Goldie!!!! Every single one of the writers and readers were an absolute delight! Thank you Gail, Anya, Karen, Suzie, Darla, Charlene, JL, Julie, Nancy, Liz, Caren, Laine, Lisa, Marie who I met for the first time at GCLS. I’ve loved meeting and talking with each and every one of you. I’ve loved reconnecting with others I’ve met in the past. Beth, Andi, Jove, K’Anne, Carol, Tonie, Nat, Laydin, D Jackson, Sheryl, Robin, Liz, Melissa and so many more than I’ve definitely failed to mention. I apologize for missing anyone important because I have a terrible memory!
I was talking with Velvet at the Affinity table and expressing my difficulty with the use of commas and the she advised that a comma was used as a pause and that was an easy way to remember when to use that particular punctuation. Just read out loud and when the pause occurs, put in a comma, she advised I had to confess that this trick does not work for me because in my youth I had a terrible stuttering problem. The way I learned to overcome this was through theater and frequent pauses as I slowed down my speech. It’s been many years since I’ve stuttered, but I do struggle with smooth speech. Theater also helped with my crippling shyness through high school and I lean on those teachings when I am propelled into events that require a more extroverted personality (hopefully I succeeded in fooling everyone).
As I opened the envelope to announce the 2nd winner in the Mystery category, I realized after looking around for the winner and saw no-one approaching that there was a second paper in the envelope and oh crap I needed to read a speech. Could things get any more terrifying for me? Nope. Lee Winter wrote a beautiful speech and I only hope I did it justice, but alas Lee, you got the short straw when they handed envelope two to me. On a positive note after reading the beautiful speech, I plan on buying your book…so you made another sale!
To say I loved every minute of my experience at my second GCLS would be an understatement. I even embraced the terrifying moments because I had so many Facebook friends sending notes of encouragement to me (including OMG, Robin Alexander-how cool is that) as I confessed my insecurities over the Internet (always one for TMI-that’s me).
My wife gave me one piece of advice that I know I need to take to heart….”You’ve got to stop referring to your work as crap, because it’s not and now you have a Goldie to prove it.” That is why I love my wife.
I don’t know if winning will bring more people to check out my books or not, but feel free to do just that…the links are below!
Affinity Author Page Amazon Author Page
July 1, 2016
The Evolution of Moving
As my wife and I come to an end of the whole moving process which we said we would never do again when we moved to the house we are now leaving, I’ve come to realize there are four distinct stages in the process.
Stage One: Decluttering to beautify your home
Of course I already did an extensive blog on this including revealing some unflattering information about our propensity to hoard items. This stage includes: moving truckloads of shit to Goodwill, moving truckloads of shit to the dump, deciding to keep truckloads of shit that you just can’t part with as you argue over what will stay and what will go.
Stage Two: The Initial Pack
Packing up boxes that will go to your new place on storage shed. This stage is known best as the careful packing stage. OCD is alive and well in this stage as we carefully use packing material, make sure that only items from that particular room go in that box. It looks something like this:
I’m packing the master bathroom and my wife comes in with an item from the guest bathroom.
My wife asks, “Hey, hon, do you have room in that box for this ceramic soap dish?”
I look at her aghast at the suggestion. “Um, no we can’t integrate the master bath with the second bath. That would completely mess up the moving mojo.”
We continue to carefully label the boxes, explicitly citing the items in the box and where they should go to (storage or condo).
This stage takes place over several weekends well before the actual move or even the sale of the house.
‘I know were migratory birds, but do we really have to do this every spring and fall?’Stage Three: Serious Packing
The telltale signs for this stage are the fast and furious activity where we know that we have limited time to pack up the house and need to get a move on. It looks something like this:
“Hey, hon, do you have room in that bathroom box for something from the downstairs bathroom?” my wife asks.
I nod. “Sure, toss it in. Wait. Do we really want to keep the lime green ceramic toothbrush holder that has been under the bathroom sink since we moved in?”
“Good point. Goodwill pile?”
“Yep,” I respond.
As a side note, I was cleaning out the nightstand in the guest bedroom and I came across a picture of me wearing the famed Disney shirt with Dopey playing the sax. It was at least 20 years old, but here’s the proof, because I know y’all thought I was kidding about it!
Stage Four: The Mad Dash
This is the final stage where we are packing everything that is hiding in the nooks and crannies of our house, hoping no-one would find the items because they fear the Goodwill pile. This is what this stage looks like.
“Stop ruminating over whether we should keep that or not, just toss it in the box, please?” I say.
“But what about the no intermingling rule?” My wife asks.
“At this point we’ll just have to sort out these miscellaneous boxes later. We have exactly four hours to get all our shit out and clean this place before we head back to Moses Lake and enjoy some much needed rest and relaxation by the pool before DC.”
“Okay, but don’t blame me when your OCD kicks in at the condo and I’m out enjoying the sun while you try to decipher where all this miscellaneous shit goes.”
I giggle because she is so right about that!
The telltale signs of Stage Four is the numerous boxes filled to the brim and marked miscellaneous. We are no longer careful at all and have no problem scratching out the previously emptied boxes and marking these with a big MISC (or no markings at all and then we have to open the damn box to figure out what the hell is inside).
If you want an eclectic collection of stories pick up any one of my books, no two are the same storyline or even subgenre. The twins….
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June 24, 2016
Deja Vu
As my wife and I hastily throw the last vestiges from our life in the mountains of Washington into the remaining boxes during crunch time (last two weekends in our house), a familiar drum beat arises. It goes something like this:
My Wife: “I’m putting these clothes on the bannister that you haven’t worn in the ten plus years since we moved into the house, but I didn’t want to throw them in the Goodwill pile without your authorization.”
I grunt as I glance at the pile. Oh no…my Disney shirt with Dopey playing the sax is in that pile. I’m clearing the hall closet and tossing into a large pile the towels that have seen better days. Next to the Goodwill towel pile is a bulging garbage bag full of good towels that we have no idea where to put in the condo. They’ll likely make their way to the storage shed we are renting and remain there for the next ten years untouched and unloved.
When we get to the condo I pull out some blue cone shaped thing that I threw into the kitchen box and ask my wife, “What is this?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know why did you put it in the box?”
That is the million dollar question. When we were de-cluttering, we threw out a boatload of crap. When we were packing, we threw out a boatload of crap and yet here we are again wondering how the Disney shirt and the odd blue cone shaped item made their desperate escape from the garbage or Goodwill pile? We could learn a thing or two from those items. I want to know their secrets the next time I’m in a tight corner and someone asks me a question I don’t want to answer. I’m going to whisper to the blue cone, “How did you fly under the radar three times?”
I plan on keep the blue cone because hell, it managed to survive three different rounds of scrutiny. I’m going to imagine that the cone will give me a sage answer to every single puzzling question I pose (kind of like Wilson in Castaway).
I’m sure we will find all kinds of crap hiding in tiny little cubbies and corners of closets, underneath beds, behind couches, and inside night stands. I’m tempted to have the movers just grab the whole kit and caboodle in our bedroom, including everything inside the night stands and dressers. It would save me the time to play the, should it stay or should it go, game for the fourth go around. Oh crap, now I’ve got that song in my head, you know the one that has the lyrics, “should I stay or should I go…” And…now it’s in your head.
So far I’ve managed to find a place for everything in the condo, but the movers haven’t even come to take the big items yet. My wife says we have to be careful or we’ll look like gypsies. We already look like gypsies because the condo’s steps are lined with clay pots that I put my herbs in and the items we bought for the stray cats we feed in the neighborhood (feeder, electric water bowl to keep water flowing in the winter, dog house big enough for more than one cat-again for the winter).
I ask myself what’s wrong with looking like gypsies, the lead in the Hunchback of Notre Dame was hot even if she was a cartoon. Yes I freely admit I am a Disney addict. I stopped short of having kids, just to be able to take them to the latest Disney movie. I don’t dare ask this of my wife, though.
The final moving activities do feel like Deja Vu to me as the same questions and challenges rise up to meet us. My current mantra is that it will all be over soon and we’ll get to enjoy ourselves in DC without worrying about selling the house and moving (at least I hope so). It’s not a done deal until the papers are signed which we’ve scheduled for the day the movers come because life was getting just a little too boring for me.
Speaking of obstacles and challenges, all good romance novels contain a little bit of angst and challenge until the main characters reach Nirvana. Check out my books to find out what the characters have to endure or face before reaching their happy ending.
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June 17, 2016
Persons with Hidden Disabilities
In a few short weeks I’ll be in Washington DC at the GCLS conference and I’m excited to be part of a panel titled, Differently Able.
The moderator set up a Facebook group and asked the panel members for a bio. I’d already provided mine the first time she’d asked because I have a touch of OCD. Another panel member asked if she should note her disability in the bio and the moderator then asked me if I wanted to add my disability to the bio. Oh shit, I thought are they expecting this to be a panel of authors with disabilities? I wrote back I didn’t have an obvious disability to share in a bio and I hoped that was okay. The moderator assured me it was fine.
This got me to wondering about the different perceptions about disabilities and the biases around mental health issues and those persons with disabilities who have hidden challenges. My thoughts jumped to appreciating the title of the panel, Differently Able, because I would rather focus on those special gifts that everyone brings to the table. Alternately, the challenges I would argue, are ones that everyone has in life with certainly different degrees of difficulty. Those with certain mental health issues are largely unseen to the world and don’t always get as much press, but definitely feel a lot of stigma for their condition.
For example, a person with severe OCD or an eating disorder may appear quite “normal” (whatever normal is) to the outside world and yet, to those who are close, the disorder can get in the way of a solid relationship, the person’s health, and a whole host of challenges that others may not consider when categorizing who is or is not a person with a disability.
Is there a pecking order such as a person in a wheelchair is the most notable and a person with a sex addiction doesn’t even register at all on the list. Before you ask, no, sex addiction is not a hidden disability of mine.
I’m not asking these question to be flippant or minimalize the real challenges persons with disabilities face every day. I genuinely want to know the answer to these questions.
My other major thought was can a writer who does not have first-hand experience with a particular disability, write about it? The same question is often posed regarding how authors who are not lesbians can write lesbian romance (for the record I am 100% lesbian or so my wife says). The best response to this I ever heard was, “You don’t have to be a sociopathic murderer to write about it.”
I wrote Locked Inside because I had a burning desire and a passion for this topic. I wasn’t sure if it would sell well. Hell, I wasn’t sure it would be published, but I didn’t care because it was a story that was very near and dear to my heart. I felt compelled to write it. I wanted people to begin to look beyond the outer package and see a person’s inner beauty and worth. To see the strength within despite an outward appearance that is prejudged.
I just completed a first draft of a new book about two young women with Down’s syndrome who fall in love. I realize this story may never see the light of day (be published), but I don’t care. This is a story that needed telling. I suppose I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it of whether it is publishable or not. I wasn’t sure Locked Inside would ever make it and to my utter surprise, Affinity not only decided to publish it, but it is a Goldie finalist. Wow….who knew? My Betas have given high marks to my new story called, Unconventional Lovers, so perhaps that too will see the light of day. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see! In the meantime, if you want to see what all the fuss is about regarding Locked Inside, or any of my other books, follow the links below!
Here’s a link to the new book in case you need it! Also don’t forget to check out Ali’s book!
Affinity Author Page Amazon Author Page
June 10, 2016
The Universe is a Cruel Jokester
My wife always says that sending good vibes out to the universe is a powerful thing, so that’s what I’ve been doing ever since we made the decision to sell our house. Among the many reasons, one stands out…positioning ourselves so that my wife can retire and we can finally live together full-time. Another major factor was my desire to retire before the big affiliation between my hospital and the larger organization. I won’t go into all the complicated reasons why I want to do this, but I do have a logical train of thought on the matter. Well…all I can say is the universe has a warped sense of humor. Here’s what happened this week.
On Tuesday somebody contacted my wife to set up an interview for a job that would allow her to work from home and with her dream organization. At 9:00a the next day she had the interview. At noon that same day we had a showing on our house. The very next morning (bright and early) we got an offer for our house and ultimately accepted it later that day, but not without a great deal of angst from my wife who started second guessing our decision to sell. Here’s the thing…if she gets the job which it appears is highly likely, one of the main reasons to sell will fly right out that window of our beautiful house because she’ll be able to work from any location.
Of course I’ve been blogging about our house de-cluttering, cleaning. and moving adventures over the last three months so when she asked the horrifying question, “Should we pull the house from the market?” My response was so damn fast it broke the sound barrier. “No!” I replied.
We’d already spent a considerable amount of time and money to get the house ready to sell. Have I mentioned before that I really, really, really want to retire early? There was no way I was letting the Universe throw a monkey wrench in our plans.
I could live in a ten foot by ten foot box as long as I have my laptop. Hmmm…I’d do well in prison… My wife on the other hand will have a big adjustment. Bless her heart (not the southern idiom because that means something entirely different) that she was willing to agree to this major life change. She loves digging in the dirt and taking care of our three acres. Me…not so much.
I joke around all the time about how I pulled a flower when she sent me out to do a little weeding. She swears I did it on purpose so she’d never ask me to weed the beds again. I tease and say that is exactly what I did, but in all honesty I really did believe it was a weed. That is how clueless I am to all things gardeny (yes I know that is not a word).
Tonight I want to celebrate and dance with joy about this new direction, but my wife is probably ready to shed more than a few tears. I’ll need to buck up and give my wife the loving support she needs to make this transition because I already heard her wobbly voice and I know she’s going to get teary tonight. Wine to the rescue. It is both an elixir for joy and a salve for sorrow…my idea of the perfect answer to our dilemma.
Yes the Universe is a cruel jokester…at least in my wife’s eyes. In mine, she is the answer to my daily mantra. However if my wife continues to work and I retire earlier than planned, I get to be her loving housewife versus the opposite which is what I’ve been joking about for years. I wonder if she wants me to wear a French Maid uniform….nah…definitely can’t pull it off at my age.
So now that I’ve got you sidetracked with those risqué thoughts, I’ve got to plug my new book which is by far the raciest one I’ve done up to this point. Check out The Ultimate Betrayal and it’s twin, Neptune’s Ring by Ali Spooner. They are both, hot…hot…hot.
Here’s a link to the book in case you need it! Also don’t forget to check out Ali’s book!
Affinity Author Page Amazon Author Page
June 3, 2016
Sizzle and Pop
Have I mentioned how much I hate, hate, hate, the marketing part of selling my books. Developing a following has been excruciatingly slow and I bite my nails nervously every time I’m ready to birth a new book. My most recent book, The Ultimate Betrayal, deviated a bit from my typical announcements regarding a new release because I had a co-conspirator and we had a lot of fun with the birthing of The Twins. We teased and pulled that thread for three weeks before the release and as twins are known to do—they arrived early. However, this in no way took away any of my nervousness.
Now I feel like an expectant parent waiting on reader reactions to my new baby. Ali Spooner, my co-conspirator, is widely popular so I have no doubt her book will skyrocket up to the top of the Amazon Top 100 charts. I have no such delusions on mine, but a girl can dream…
I’ve tried very hard to write a very different book each time I’ve set pen to paper and boy did I break from my mold on this one. Normally, I’ve written sweet, somewhat innocent, love scenes that barely venture into another ice cream flavor—yep consistently Vanilla. This time I listened to feedback from a reader, which was spot on about considering a little spice. Now the question is whether those who have come to expect something a bit more on the tame side will embrace the sizzle and pop I put into this new book. Here’s a short passage to show you what I’m referring to…
“I need to feel your naked body move on top of me,” Sophia pleaded.
“Not yet. Who is in control here?” Lara asked.
“You are.”
“Get in the bed, but leave your panties on,” Lara directed.
Sophia pulled the covers down and positioned herself for her wife. She licked her lips as she saw the feral look on Lara’s face. The lust in her eyes was evident. She missed that look and now that it was back, she was going to take full advantage.
“Aren’t you afraid of ruining your outfit? I can smell your arousal and soon I’ll be able to see the wet spot. You’d better take off your clothes before that happens,” Sophia suggested.
“Cheeky little minx, aren’t you? I thought I’d made it clear that I was in charge. If you aren’t good, I’ll make you wait longer,” Lara threatened.
“I take it all back. I want to see the wet spot.”
Lara laughed. “You are pushing it. Wait there and don’t move. I need a few items.”
Lara moved to the dresser and pulled out the leather and lambskin restraints and eye mask.
Sophia squirmed on the bed, waiting for Lara to secure her hands above her head. It was freeing to know that she could lay back and allow Lara to take control. There would be nothing to distract her. Although Sophia enjoyed the times when Lara and she would reach simultaneous orgasm as they stroked or licked one another at the same time, there was nothing like being the recipient of Lara’s complete focus. She didn’t have to worry about whether Lara was getting close.
Lara carefully secured the leather mask and restraints. Sophia felt vulnerable, yet excited. She ached to feel Lara’s hands and mouth on her body. She didn’t know what Lara was doing because the mask covered her eyes, but she heard the refrigerator door open.
After what seemed like an eternity, she felt a cool drop of something hit her nipple, then another hit her bellybutton.
“Mmm, dessert is served. I just needed to add some whipped cream,” Lara murmured.
Sophia squirmed as she waited for Lara’s inevitable tongue. She felt the tip lick her right nipple and circle it. A light bite sent her nearly over the edge. Her left breast ached for the same treatment and before long, Lara rewarded her with the same love bite.
Sophia’s clit was throbbing in anticipation. She felt Lara’s hands stroke her stomach and brush lightly across her panties. She could feel Lara make her way down to her sex with a momentary side trip to her bellybutton as Lara sucked the sticky cream that pooled in the small indent.
Finally, Lara brought her hands to Sophia’s hips and Sophia could feel her move the silk underwear down her legs. After Lara removed her panties, Sophia felt Lara sucking her toes and pressing down on her arches.
As Lara’s hand made its way back up her calf and inner thigh, Sophia cried out. “Please, touch me where I need you.”
“Where would that be, love? You have to be more specific.”
“Oh, God, Lara. Stop teasing me,” Sophia begged.
“You have to tell me and I’ll walk out the door if you use overly clinical terms, my prim and proper professor. I’ll give you a hint. It starts with a P.”
Sophia could hear the smirk in Lara’s words.
“My pussy, please, touch my pussy,” Sophia cried out.
“Well, now that you’ve asked so nicely, I suppose I can do that,” Lara responded.
So the question I have for all the wonderful readers is did I gain any new readers or piss someone off with my slight divergence to the more creative side of love. Now of course when I say slight, I mean miniscule because after all…a leopard doesn’t really change her spots (I took this picture when my wife and I went to Africa)!
Send me your thoughts on the verdict if you’ve read The Ultimate Betrayal and as always if so inclined I’d love for you to leave a review because it really makes a difference to how far the book climbs on the Amazon top 100 ranking.
Here’s a link to the book in case you need it! Also don’t forget to check out Ali’s book!
Affinity Author Page Amazon Author Page
May 28, 2016
The Twins…
When Ali Spooner joked about our double release in June, stating we were having twins, I decided to take that thread and pull on it. At first, like everything, I looked for the humor in the whole marketing and book release process and then it occurred to me how many parallels there really are between writing a book and having a baby. Here are the top ten that surfaced in my warped brain (in no particular order because I am not a very linear thinker).
While I write I shove unhealthy food into my hole, consuming whatever is my current craving. I only pause to dirty up my laptop keys as I type furiously whatever just popped into my head.
It takes roughly nine months from start (conception – an idea) to finish (a published novel).
Each stage in birthing a book has its own unique set of challenges.
Nervous mothers fret over whether their baby will be healthy and nervous writers fret over whether their book is solid enough for people to want to read.
Pregnant moms get swollen feet and bellies, while writers have swollen words that our editors trim and slash.
Sometimes the date of birth or the release date is set and then surprise your publisher says, “Hey I think we can put this out a little earlier or sorry we had some last minute editing problems.” Babies are so fickle sometimes. They come when they’re damn good and ready.
You get a picture of your beautiful baby via an ultrasound or in your book baby’s case a preview of the cover. You share this with anyone you manage to snag for them to take a peek.
What color should you paint the baby’s room versus what color should the lead’s hair or eyes be?
The baby’s out and now mom is exhausted, but everyone wants pictures so you drag your butt to the internet and make sure all the promotions (pictures) make it to your Facebook site.
It takes a village. New moms need aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. to help them feed and nurture their new baby. New authors need readers or the new book withers and dies on the vine.
I sure hope everyone has enjoyed our continued joking around about the arrival of the twins. In case any of you have missed those posts (although I haven’t the foggiest idea how you could since we’ve been relentless this past week), the books (twins) come out on June 3rd. Don’t let them wither and die on the vine….Oh and by the way, my other children need love too….
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May 20, 2016
Dilemma #2 – Fancy Shoes…
It’s been 13 days since my last sweet treat and I have 50 days until I’ll allow myself to indulge in whatever decadent dessert they set before me at the GCLS awards banquet.
The dilemma over what to wear is mostly settled now based on the overwhelming (okay that’s an embellishment) response from my blog followers. The blue dress is the clear winner. Of course this has set off a whole new dilemma…what shoes should I wear?
When I offhandedly mentioned to my work colleagues that I would pull out my black pumps with the miniscule heel, you’d have thought I was heading to Alaska to club baby seals (yes, another embellishment).
Then I was asked (ask is a loose interpretation for what really occurred), “I suppose you plan on wearing black hose?”
“Well sure, what’s wrong with that?” I naively asked.
Six people shook their heads at me. Apparently I was now front and center to the “Fashion Police” firing squad and I had just committed a grave error in judgement.
Postscript: I suppose they are correct – I just took a picture of my pumps that are over fifteen years old and they have bite marks from my cats in addition to serious wear and tear. See pictures below.
A lively discussion ensued and there was a bit of controversy over the color of shoe I should wear. Some thought black was okay, but none were enamored with my suggestion to drag out my scuffed up black pumps.
The overwhelming opinion was that I should buy a new pair of shoes with a sexy strap, possibly open toed, and definitely a higher heel. After one very passionate colleague showed me pictures of celebrities in royal blue dresses (the color I intend to wear) with nude toned shoes and glossy waxed legs, I had to admit it was a good look that I just might be able to pull off. This could depend on if, and only if, I can obtain a reasonably tall heel, nothing ridiculously high to cause embarrassment. Sandra Bullock in the movie, Miss Congeniality, flashed before my eyes. Yep, that would be me as I tried to navigate the stage or front of the room to present the award that I agreed to do.
This sparked a whole new line of reasoning. Why do I have to purchase a $200+ pair of shoes that I know I’ll never, EVER, ever, wear again?
I started to wonder why a particularly inventive entrepreneur doesn’t start a shoe rental business (you know kind of like those tux rental stores). It makes perfect sense to me. I can’t be the only person in this particular quandary. They rent bowling shoes for God’s sake, so why not fancy shoes for special occasions. Have I mentioned before how much I hate shoes and shoe shopping? See my Two Left Feet blog.
Postscript #2: Well whadaya know…they do rent shoes, but not in Moses Lake, WA…
The other interesting tidbit is that it is now the height of fashion to toss the nylons aside and go pseudo commando, which leads to a further dilemma – how do I avoid those panty lines? Nope, do not suggest a thong, because no way, no how am I wearing butt floss. A gal has to draw the line somewhere. Um…no…not my butt – I wish!
My colleague informed me that there is a product out there to get that glossy sheen on your naked, tanned, legs. She’s promised to Google that for me, because that too is a must. Of course I will toss that into my cleaned out junk drawer and in ten years I’ll ask my wife, “What the hell is this?”
In summary, I sure hope that readers find my books entertaining because the things I’ll have to purchase for awards banquets as a result of becoming a published author who made the short list is downright hysterical to me. For those who want to contribute to the shoe fund, the links are below.
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