Susan Piver's Blog, page 19

How to Make Magic: Part One

Audio-only version is here.
Meditation practice begins at 11:45.

Dear Open Heart Project,

Hello, wonderful Open Heart Project. I hope you and yours are well and safe.

I so appreciate your responses to our recent series on painful emotions. If you missed it or want to rewatch the videos, they are here:

Anger
Attachment
Shame
Jealousy
Anxiety
Distrust
Hatred
Despair

The greatest hits!

To turn toward our painful feelings (rather than try to escape them) is a very brave gesture.

When we agree to live in our world as it is, awake and open-hearted to the best of our ability, there is the possibility of discovering magic, the magic inherent in the world already. This magic is not about getting everything you want (although I hope you will!) or casting spells or anything like that. Rather, attuning to and caring about your world opens the gate to a deeper, more magical journey.

Magic takes shape in three ways: Outer Magic, Inner Magic, and Secret Magic. Today, I offer you a short talk on cultivating magic on the outer level.

Thoughts? I always love to hear from you.

With love, Susan

P.S. My new book, The Buddhist Enneagram: Nine Paths to Warriorship, is newly published. You can find more details here. If you read it, please consider leaving an honest review on your preferred online retailer’s site.

These reviews really make a difference! Thanking you in advance.

 

The post How to Make Magic: Part One appeared first on The Open Heart Project.

Painful Emotions and Creating Real Change

Dear Open Heart Project,

The recent series of videos about working with strong emotions struck a chord with so many of you. Understandably! There are so many painful situations on planet earth right now. At the same time, there is so much possibility.

The great writer and thinker Catherine MacCoun, author of my favorite book in recent memory, On Becoming an Alchemist, points out that the alchemical process of turning a base substance into gold begins with introducing the base substance into a state of volatility.

Whether literally or metaphorically, that which we wish to change has to first begin to fall apart.

For the ancient alchemists that may have meant liquifying one metal to turn it into another (whether this was ever accomplished is unknown). For those of us who wish to change anything from unhappiness in our personal lives to calcified social systems, we need the courage to fall apart.

Our painful emotions, anger, grasping, shame, jealousy, anxiety, distrust, hatred, and despair could be indicators of volatility. In no way am I suggesting that this should feel good. IT DOES NOT. We could feel anything from lousy to broken and we need to give ourselves (and others) plenty of room to heal and rebalance. But if we want to explore the journey from being trapped to being liberated, some examination of the volatile state can be useful.

The enneagram (a system that describes nine ways of being) plots nine alchemical journeys, nine ways to transform the base substances of anger, grasping, and so on into powerful qualities of wisdom, compassion, and power.

One of these ways is yours.

The enneagram is far more than a personality parlor game or even a psychological instrument for self-improvement. It is a spiritual system that points the way to liberation.

I’ve spent the last three years wrestling with thoughts about the enneagram and Buddhism with the hope of writing a book about it all.There were weeks and months when I thought I was simply not up to it. However, last week, The Buddhist Enneagram: Nine Paths to Warriorship, was published. The publisher is…us. The Open Heart Project. We created an in-house publishing division about four years ago so that we could offer books to you without any gatekeepers.

Please check out the book when you can. All the details are here. And, if you are inspired to do so, please leave an honest review with the online bookseller of your choice. In the absence of the marketing machines of a big publisher, these reviews mean everything–they are what creates awareness.

Thoughts? I always love to hear from you. Please leave any comments, questions, or feedback in comments.

Next week, we’ll resume with meditation videos!
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With love, Susan

The post Painful Emotions and Creating Real Change appeared first on The Open Heart Project.

Working with Painful Emotions: Sadness

Audio-only version is here.
Meditation practice begins at 22:38

Dear Open Heart Project,

In July, we began the series: “Working with Painful Emotions.” I thought last week’s video, on despair, was the last in the series–until a member of the community asked why I hadn’t included sadness. That really made me think! In this video, I offer some thoughts on why sadness is in a different category than the other painful emotions.

In case you want to review, In this series, we started with anger, moved on to attachment (or grasping), then shame, followed by jealousy, anxiety, distrust, hatred, and, last week, despair. All the greatest hits!

On another note—I’m excited to let you know that my new book, The Buddhist Enneagram, is now available for pre-order. It presents a view of the enneagram, a system that describes nine types of people, through the lens of the Buddhadharma. If you want to learn more, preorder the book and then click here to let us know and to reserve your spot in a free, live, webinar on Oct 1 from 12p ET-2p ET.

I always love to hear from you, so please let me hear your thoughts.

With love, Susan

The post Working with Painful Emotions: Sadness appeared first on The Open Heart Project.

How does it feel when your book is published?

My new book, The Buddhist Enneagram: Nine Paths to Warriorship will be out in a few days. It’s been in the works for three years. I hope everyone will read it. I hope no one will. Trying to separate the one who created it from the one who now speaks to you about it. Reminding myself over and over: no matter what happens, it is not a commentary on your worth. I’ve been at this precipice before but no amount of experience makes it any easier. If I could take it all in stride, that would be wonderful but this “stride” is one continuous trip. All puns intended.

Yesterday, I was talking with a friend about the journey to being a published author. What a privilege it is to even contemplate. I’ve authored eight books. Just looking at that sentence, I think, who am I kidding? That never happened. Except…it did. Along the way, I have experienced vast success and undeniable failure. I’ve worked with huge publishing houses, not-huge publishing houses, and, finally, my own imprint.

My friend asked me how it all started and, before I answered, I flashed on many of the author origin stories heard over the years, most involving elements such as: working furtively in the early morning (or late night) hours, searching for an agent who would understand, receiving multiple rejections, having hope, giving up hope, staying the course…until, by some stroke of genius or luck, a relationship is made with a publisher and some degree of renown is achieved. I love these stories. I have endless admiration for any writer who sticks with the process, honors their own voice and point of view, breaks through, and stays the course that begins with A and ends at Z.

None of that happened to me. I never intended to be a writer. I fell backwards into the whole thing. If that sounds like a humble brag, I apologize. It was simply one continuous accident. 

It began decades ago when I was talking with my boyfriend about getting married. Well, he was talking to me about it. I was doing everything in my power (short of covering my ears and intoning NAH NAH NAH) to ignore the issue. Why marry someone you love? It rarely seemed to work out.

He persisted (gods love him), which compelled me to turn around and face the situation. Okay, I thought, what if I said yes? How do I increase the odds that this will actually work? (I don’t have the romance gene. Venus in Capricorn is my best explanation.) When I reflected on previous relationships, almost all lovely (I’ve been lucky) but no longer existent, I realized that they had failed, not because we didn’t love each other, but because we couldn’t make a life together that we loved.

That was such an interesting notion to me that my curiosity and risk-taking nature motivated me to advance the conversation (Sun in Sagittarius in the house of Sagittarius is my best explanation.) I knew that I loved him and he loved me. Whatever. But what did I know about how he viewed our life? Not much. So I began to write down questions like “How much money do you have, like actual dollars and cents?”, “What is your kid (previous marriage) going to call me?”, and “What holidays will we celebrate?” Maybe there were ten more such questions, all very down-to-earth. It turned out these questions led to conversations that included the full spectra of hope and fear. There was nothing romantic about it. It was extremely intimate, however.

I was telling someone about it all and she said, “That would make a good book.” I had never thought of that but when, by happenstance, I met a literary agent, I asked him what he thought. “Could be,” he said and sent me an email about how to write a proposal.

He had little luck selling the book. Then, one day, I was walking down the street (I remember exactly where this happened: at the corner of Park Avenue and 21st Street) when I ran into a guy I knew who worked in publishing. I knew such people because, at the time, I worked in the music business and there were occasions when the two industries met at events and such. How are you, fine, how are you, what’s new…and I told him about the book idea. He asked for the proposal. I sent it to him and…he bought it. So, I wrote the book (somehow) and it came out to pretty much no acclaim. Also, the editorial process was brutal. Neither the editor nor I had any idea who I was. Anyway, that was that.

About a year later, I was sitting at my desk working on a new project for my business (which produced multimedia book packages combining written works with audio components), when the phone rang. It was the Oprah show. They were planning an episode called “What Happens After the Wedding?” We talked about my book, their aims, and so on…and then they said goodbye. It wasn’t until much later that I realized this was what is called a pre-interview. Long story short, a few days later, they invited me to be on the show. Actually, I was on two times because the topic (not me) proved to be a hit. 

After the second time, all hell broke loose. My book, The Hard Questions, sold out all over the US. It hit #2 on the NY Times bestseller list and stayed there for 6 weeks. Massive financial offers began pouring in for my next book. (WHAT NEXT BOOK. I wondered.) I was wildly gratified and excited. 

Until the next book came out and it was an utter flop. It was mortifying; among the worst experiences of my life. Being cursed at by the Publisher was involved. They sought, by nefarious means, to get out of their contract with me. They basically threw me out on my ear. It was over and I knew that I would never write again.

It took about 5 years to consider another project, which also came about by coincidence when I suggested to one of my publishing clients (for my book packages) that they consider a product about meditation. I think this is going to be a big trend, I said to them in 2005. “Can you write it,” they asked? “No,” I said. “I’m not a meditation teacher.” As a deeply committed Buddhist practitioner since 1993, I took seriously the power of transmitting meditation instruction and how it ought only to be done by someone trained to do so…which was not me. “Well, we want you to write it,” they said.

So I took training to become an authorized meditation instructor in my Tibetan Buddhist lineage. (I actually flunked the first training and had to repeat it.) Then I wrote the book, How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life (or, as my father thought it was called, How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Wife. Sorry, Dad!) That book was a joy to write. I loved the publisher, St. Martin’s Press. It came out to little acclaim, but I was so proud of it. It put me back in the world of writing. I went on to write other books fully rooted in my Buddhist practice: The Wisdom of a Broken Heart (Simon and Schuster), Start Here Now: An Open-Hearted Guide to the Path and Practice of Meditation (Shambhala Publications). I’m proud of those books. They did moderately well. But after each experience, I saw my advances go down and the looks of disappointment on the publisher’s faces ‘bout killed me. I had the perpetual sense that editors and agents were looking over my shoulder to see who else they ought to be talking to.

Each publishing experience carried a particular flavor of pain. While my first experience was a massive success, each subsequent one was…not. It’s a wild and rare privilege to be published at all, but it’s also true that it is flavored with a strange kind of trauma, even with a so-called success. Everyone involved gazed at me with intense yet impersonal expectations for work that was, for me, indescribably intimate. The editorial process is like someone digging around in your heart without anesthesia. When the book is published, you feel like you’ve walked outside naked and asked, “Hey everybody, what do you think?” The publishing process is a massive roller coaster ride that often begins with YOU’RE AWESOME,THIS WILL BE GREAT, WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH and ends with “HAVE WE MET?” At some point, I developed an online meditation community, The Open Heart Project. It grew to a healthy size. When it came time for the next book, The Four Noble Truths of Love: Buddhist Wisdom for Modern Relationships I went full-tilt into self-publishing. I could not face going on the ride again. No more positioning. No more proposals. No more analyses of the competition. No more arcane royalty statements that somehow always end up with me in the hole. No more trying to live up to the expectations of publishers, agents, bookstores. No more trying to use my own voice to sound like someone who could move units. NO. MORE.

The Four Noble Truths of Love has sold more than 15k copies and I am ecstatic about that. I wrote it. I published it. I sold it to human beings. (Well, not me exactly, but me and a small team of kind and brilliant colleagues without whom none of this would have worked.) I wrote, not for bookstores, but for the people who had been kind enough to give me their email addresses. It was a massive amount of work but I will never, ever play the publishing game again.

Now, The Buddhist Enneagram is about to be released. Holy fuck, y’all. Each book seemed like an impossible stretch, but this one…it almost snapped me in two. I wrote it in a cloud of confusion. In it, I said:

Writing this book confounded me more than anything I have ever attempted to create. It spun me around at every turn until I didn’t know which direction I was facing; I got lost over and over again. I wrote as if I knew what I was talking about but, upon rereading, realized I had no idea where it came from; I could not retrace my steps back to any particular source of knowing. The Buddhist Enneagram arose in the act of writing it and, I suppose, with the support of mysterious guides.

And that’s how it is. Each book is a full-tilt mystery. Writing is a complete mystery. What does the book even say? I can’t remember now. Will it sell? I have no idea. Is it any good? Please don’t ask me. I don’t even know how any of this happened. (Pisces Moon, Pisces Rising is my best explanation.)

The post How does it feel when your book is published? appeared first on The Open Heart Project.

Working with Painful Emotions: Despair

Audio-only version is here.
Meditation practice begins at 24:53

Dear Open Heart Project,

Thank you so much for your interest in this series, “Working with Painful Emotions.” delighted to practice meditation with you. Before we sit, I want to continue our exploration of working with painful emotions and how our meditation practice can help.

Nine weeks ago, we started with anger, moved on to attachment (or grasping), then shame, followed by jealousy, anxiety, distrust. Last week, we spoke about hate.

This week, we move on to perhaps the most insidious and all-pervasive painful emotion: despair.

In this talk, I offer some insights from classical Buddhism about the collapse that can come with despair. Please have a listen to this short talk and let me know what you think. It’s always so great to hear from you.

At the end of the talk, I make two suggestions for continuing this exploration of painful emotions. One of them is community. And the other is the enneagram.

The enneagram was the inspiration behind the series. The enneagram posits nine ways of being in the world. I just finished writing my next book (out September 13), The Buddhist Enneagram.

Each way is subject to one particular painful emotion more than the others: Ones, with anger, Twos with attachment and so on. If you want to take a deeper look at how to work with painful emotions (or support others to do so), I hope this book will help. It goes into vastly more detail on each emotion and offers Buddhist teachings meant to support release from this particular kind of suffering. May it be of benefit!

The book is available for pre-order. (I’m not scared! You are!) If you preorder the it, click here to let us know and to reserve your spot in a free, live, webinar on Oct 1 from 12p ET-2p ET.

With love, Susan

The post Working with Painful Emotions: Despair appeared first on The Open Heart Project.

Working with Painful Emotions: Hatred

Audio-only version is here.
Meditation practice begins at 14:10

Dear Open Heart Project,

I’m so glad to see you and delighted to practice meditation with you. Before we sit, I want to continue our exploration of working with painful emotions and how our meditation practice can help.

In this series, we started with anger, moved on to attachment (or grasping), then shame, followed by jealousy, anxiety, and, last week, distrust. This week, we move on to perhaps the most dangerous of all painful emotions: hate.

Is it possible to meet what we find hateful (for very good reason, I assume) without adding to the hate? Please have a listen to this short talk and let me know what you think. It’s always so great to hear from you.

On another note—I’m excited to let you know that my new book, The Buddhist Enneagram, is now available for pre-order. It presents a view of the enneagram, a system that describes nine types of people, through the lens of the Buddhadharma. If you want to learn more, preorder the book and then click here to let us know and to reserve your spot in a free, live, webinar on Oct 1 from 12p ET-2p ET.

With love, Susan

The post Working with Painful Emotions: Hatred appeared first on The Open Heart Project.

Working with Painful Emotions: Distrust

Audio-only version is here.
Meditation practice begins at 8:46

Dear Open Heart Project,

I’m so glad to see you and delighted to practice meditation with you. Before we sit, I want to continue our exploration of working with painful emotions and how our meditation practice can help.

In this series, we started with anger, moved on to attachment (or grasping), then shame, followed by jealousy (or feeling inadequate). Last week, we discussed anxiety. This week, we move on to a mind-state that is not exactly an emotion, but can create deep inner pain: distrust.

These are anxious times and there is certainly a lot to distrust, but how can we move through the world with confidence and kindness if we have no confidence in others (or ourselves)? Please have a listen to this short talk and let me know what you think. It’s always so great to hear from you.

On another note—y’all I’m beyond thrilled (and quite daunted, to be honest) to let you know than my new book, The Buddhist Enneagram, is now available for pre-order. It presents a view of the enneagram, a system that describes nine types of people, through the lens of the Buddhadharma. I hope it will bring great benefit!

If you pre-order, click here to let us know and to reserve your spot in a free, live, webinar on Oct 1 from 12p ET-2p ET.

With love, Susan

The post Working with Painful Emotions: Distrust appeared first on The Open Heart Project.

Working with Painful Emotions: Anxiety

Audio-only version is here.
Meditation practice begins at 11:57

Dear Open Heart Project,

I hope you are well and finding joy and richness in your world.

About a month ago, we began a series of conversations on working with difficult emotions and how meditation can help. We started with anger, moved on to  attachment (or grasping), and then shame. Last week, we took a look at jealousy (or feeling inadequate).

Continuing the heartache playlist, today I offer some thoughts on working with anxiety.

These are anxious times, that may be an understatement. But if we take a look at the energy of anxiety apart from its story line, we may come into possession of pure alertness. Hyper awake and hyper vigilant are different things. In this short talk, I offer some suggestions for teasing the two apart.

Thoughts? It’s always so great to hear from you.

With love, Susan

The post Working with Painful Emotions: Anxiety appeared first on The Open Heart Project.

Working with Painful Emotions: Jealousy

Audio-only version is here.
Meditation practice begins at 14:00

Dear Open Heart Project,

I hope you are well as we enter this new week on planet earth. May it be a peaceful one for all beings.

A few weeks ago, we began a series of conversations on working with difficult emotions and how meditation can help. We started with anger, moved on to  attachment, and last week we discussed shame. GOOD TIMES! But since we each experience all of these things, it is good to take a look at how we can ride our painful experiences rather than be run over by them. Our meditation practice is the foundation that makes it possible to do so.

This week we take a look at jealousy (or feelings of inadequacy).

In Buddhism, there are teachings on what is called the Four Immeasurables, or Brahmaviharas in Pali. Brahma means divine (or sublime) and vihara means abode. They are our true home. We possess each of the four in endless quantities, not because we’re good or smart (although I’m sure you are!) but because we were born with them. In this short talk, I try to show how they can be used to face the feelings of inadequacy that may arise if we compare ourselves unfavorably to others.

What do you think? I always love to hear from you.

With love, Susan

The post Working with Painful Emotions: Jealousy appeared first on The Open Heart Project.

Working with Painful Emotions: Shame

Audio-only version is here.
Meditation practice begins at 13:25

Dear Open Heart Project,

I hope you are well as we enter this new week on planet earth. May it be a peaceful one for all beings.

A few weeks ago, we began a series of conversations on working with difficult emotions and how meditation can help. We started with anger and then moved on to attachment. This week we explore shame, or whatever you would call it when you compare yourself unfavorably to others or feel inadequate.

In the Buddhist view, there are three ways to look at strong emotions. Each way is truly useful, and it is great to have a few options on how to meet our experience with gentleness and bravery. Our meditation practice is a potent support for each of the three options. Have a listen!

What do you think? I always love to hear from you.

With love, Susan

 

The post Working with Painful Emotions: Shame appeared first on The Open Heart Project.