Susan Piver's Blog, page 15

The Spiritual Path: Part Two

Audio-only version is here.
Meditation practice begins at 26:21.

Dear Open Heart Project,

Hello and welcome to the second video in this series on the three steps of the spiritual journey. Today we discuss the second step.

While the first step focused on stabilizing your personal situation (and practice), the second step is about the heart opening that ensues organically.

If you missed it or would like a refresher, the first video is here. How do you create a foundation for following your own spiritual path?  I always love to hear from you.

Love, Susan

PS I’m teaching an in-person retreat that goes deeper into Buddhism and The Enneagram, one of the most helpful tools on my own spiritual journey, Oct 11-15 in Austin, TX. It’s limited to 11 people (includes one full scholarship). All the details are here.

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The Spiritual Path: Part One

Audio-only version is here.
Meditation practice begins at 22:23.

Dear Open Heart Project,

When it comes to our spiritual practices (whatever they may be), both uncertainty and possibility are always present so in some sense, we are in the perfect training ground for awakening. In the Buddhist view (and no one has to be a Buddhist to make this information of use!) the journey has three distinct and inseparable phases.

This week, I begin a new series about these three phases, called the three yanas or vehicles. The first stage, as you will learn, is about establishing a strong foundation, the second is concerned with heart opening, and the third is about seeing the whole world as sacred.

As you know, these video series are free. It is my delight to create them for you. Please forward to anyone who may find them beneficial.

How do you prepare for any kind of journey? How does it relate to your personal practice? I always love to hear from you.

Love, Susan

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On Anger

Dear Open Heart Project,

Someone once asked me, “How does one let go of anger—not deep-rooted anger but anger over everyday trivial things? How can I learn to really let go of things that don’t matter in my life? Too much time is wasted on this use of energy!”

Here’s what I said:

I appreciate your wish to let go of things that don’t matter and not waste your precious time here on Planet Earth in some kind of hissy fit. I applaud you for that! However, your anger is not the problem. Your wish to get rid of it is. Anger can be a jewel in disguise.

A super long time ago, I, your humble advisor, was in a brutal car accident. I was stopped at a red light, minding my own beeswax when I was t-boned by a drunk driver. He came out of nowhere. I was thrown out of the passenger door and landed 30 yards away. My ribs were broken. My pelvis was fractured. My liver was lacerated. This last is a very horrible injury that often causes a person to bleed to death.

An ambulance arrived very quickly. I was hustled into surgery to stem internal bleeding. It didn’t work. They rushed me back into surgery. This second procedure worked and 24 hours later I was hauled back into surgery to remove whatever they stuck in there to contain the situation. By this time, my parents had flown in. My friends were in the waiting room. My existence was spinning on a cosmic roulette wheel.

So I have heard. I woke up to find myself…somewhere. Something bad had happened, but I had no idea what it was. To this day, I have no recollection of these events.

I was told that I had been in a wreck, about the injuries I sustained, and what had been done to treat them. Okay. If you say so, was all I could remember thinking.

I was released from the hospital some three months later. Eventually I regained enough strength to return to my job. (As a bartender. In a blues nightclub. But that is another story.)

Though you might imagine that a near-death experience would bring me closer to profound manifestations of compassion and joy, I was instead filled with anger, agitation, and frustration.

Everything set me off. If someone accidentally brushed up against me in the market, I would push them and say, “Watch where you’re going, asshole.” I snapped constantly at the people I worked with. I tried to intimidate everyone. I was a stone-cold bully.

What does this have to do with your question, dear reader? It was anger that brought me back to life. It woke me up. It was a weird, backwards, unskillful expression of life force, but life force it was. (Sorry, everyone I yelled at. I wish I could send each of you flowers, cupcakes, hugs, and money. I feel so ashamed.)

The softer feelings—love, kindness, appreciation, generosity—don’t seem to have the same capacity to wake us from our trances. Rage (and its annoying cousin, irritation) wakes us up. It is impossible to be drowsy and angry. So, even though it is terribly uncomfortable and potentially dangerous, there is something worth examining and harvesting.

In Buddhist thought, there are five forms of wisdom, sometimes called the Five Buddha Families or Five Dhyani Buddhas. Each Buddha is head of household for one of the wisdoms: spaciousness (Buddha family), clarity (Vajra family), generosity (Ratna family), discernment (Padma family), and accomplishment (Karma family). Each of the wisdoms has a neurotic corollary: spaciness, anger, jealousy, grasping, and speed. The interesting thing is that the aspects of wisdom and neuroses exist along a continuum. They are twin expressions of the same essential quality. When you come into possession of one, you also possess the other.

Though you belong to each family, one is likely to feel most like home. Maybe you are Team Buddha and have a genius for seeing all points of view—but are also likely fall into a mental stupor from time to time. Or perhaps you are Team Padma and can sense the finest nuances of all phenomena but also have tendency to grasp onto what is most pleasant and reject everything else.

If you are Team Vajra, you are predisposed to anger. This means you also have a gift for clarity. Thank you. We need you.

The next time you become angry or irritated, I invite you to try this. Rather than turning away from your anger, turn away from the object of your anger. Lean into your experience and just feel. Allow anger to be present. It is uncomfortable, I know. But when you open to anger, according to this theory, you also open to clarity and wakefulness.

If anger had layers, the very top layer would be the story attached to it. The story may matter, but not right now. The next layer is the uncomfortable bit, the urge to do something, tear something, cut something, smash something. But wait. The layer just below that is what we are looking for. There, you are likely to find energy that is wakeful, sharp, and fearless. If you can separate it from its story and tolerate the discomfort, anger provides tremendous fuel. So being angry is by no means a waste of time. The wasteful bit is the reluctance to embrace your gift.

From a new-agey point of view, anger is bad. We should be soft, ethereal messengers of peace and love. Anger is sign that we’ve lost our spiritual equilibrium. The self should always abide. Well, maybe on some other planet.

On this planet, sometimes the self loses their way. They are crushed by a motor vehicle or served the wrong dish or watch presidential candidates debate. On a moment-to-moment basis, we veer between ease, sorrow, rage, delight, boredom, terror, and joy. This is because we are human. Emotions are our super power. When we embrace the so-called negative, we also embrace the positive and thus find the source of all-seeing intelligence, mirror-like wisdom, vast equanimity, subtle discernment, and the power to accomplish anything. So don’t worry about becoming less angry. It is not a waste of energy; in fact, it is just the opposite.

To all of you, I wish you well. I send my love. I offer you a deep bow.

 

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Protected: Refuge Vow Info Session Recording, May 2023

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Are you a Buddhist? I don’t know. You tell me.

Dear Open Heart Project,

How do you know if you’re Buddhist?

I knew I was a Buddhist the moment I read a book by Chogyam Trungpa called The Heart of the Buddha. This is how I already think, only I didn’t know it, I said to myself. I must be a Buddhist. From that moment, the fates conspired to place me firmly on the path. I found an amazing meditation instructor and immediately saw my life begin to change, even out, take shape. Rarely has anything in my life been so clear-cut.

After about six months of practice, I asked my meditation teacher what steps one takes to formally become a Buddhist. He told me that it’s called “taking refuge”. You take refuge in three things: The Buddha (the enlightened one, but also in the fact of enlightened mind in everyone, including yourself); the dharma (the teachings—which range from the sutras, tantras, and their commentaries to any and everything that teaches you), and the sangha (or community—of fellow practitioners certainly, but also, as I understood him, in the community of fellow humans seeking happiness on planet earth.) His explanation was really good and encouraged me further. I wanted to do those things. Also, when he said the phrase, “take refuge,” I started to cry. I longed for refuge in this crazy world.

I want to do it, I told him, but how do I know that I’m ready? I didn’t want to take this step in a half-assed way. (I mean, I’m the person who, when thinking about getting married, wrote a whole book called The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say “I Do.” I’m anti-making lifelong commitments on the fly.) My meditation instructor said, “you know you’re ready when becoming a Buddhist is simply a recognition of something that has already happened.” Genius. (And not a bad benchmark when it comes to marriage and marriage-like commitments, I might add.) I knew that it had, and so I took refuge on March 10, 1993. It was definitely one of the most moving days of my life.

Many, many people are deeply touched by the dharma and have a profound ability to naturally understand it. You know who you are. It takes up residence in your mind and moments of recognition ding repeatedly, whether on the spot or two years later. You simply notice that your mindstream and the dharma flow together easily, surprisingly, terrifyingly, joyfully, and so on. What a person does from that point forward is utterly individual. Some people, like myself, benefit enormously from a traditional, proscribed path. A path grounds me and I’m grateful for that. for others, though, the strictures of a traditional path could provide perfect hiding places for ego. Maybe they should throw off all rules and figure it out on their own. Ultimately, we all do a combination of these two—learning from masters and figuring it out on our own, making a personal connection with the dharma over and over, hopefully until the end of our lives.

Into this very creative space of figuring it out for yourself can creep all sorts of distractions, otherwise known as spiritual materialism: Looking, not at reality, but at ways to blur reality by using spiritual tactics. The phrase was coined by Chogyam Trungpa. (To learn more, check Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism.) It’s so easy to think you’re a Buddhist and that it means something conventionally comprehensible and/or offers you something to cling to as a way of escaping the sorrows of samsara. Which would be awesome, but oh well, it’s not.

How to know if you’re a spiritual seeker or materialist?  Some thoughts:

First, think that you are probably definitely both and that taking a fresh look at this question every day (or more) is a very helpful thing to do.

Second, and this is the failsafe, if you can, find a genuine master and study as hard as you can with them. I definitely believe in this way; the guru is the root of blessings. Personally, I have found this to be true. That said, this is a very sticky wicket and requires great caution.

Third, have complete confidence that you can figure it all out. You can. Actually, you are the only one who can. On some level, the most realistic level, you already have. You possess Buddhanature right now. Therefore, you can have confidence.

For each of us, the way will be utterly unique—if not the path itself, then the way it is arrived at. There are no guarantees and we have to keep figuring it out over and over.

If you notice that your capacity for love is deepening apace with you confusion, if what you are learning convinces you more and more that you actually don’t know anything, and if your sense of humor is completely intact, then you’re probably on the right track. Perhaps you are “a Buddhist.” Maybe not. No one knows but you.

If you want to discuss further (and you see this in time), I’m hosting a free info session today on the refuge vow. Please register here. All who do so will receive a link to the recording. 

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In-person retreats coming up in 2023

Audio only version here.

Dear Open Heart Project,

Many years ago, I asked my meditation teacher what I could do to deepen my practice. I mean, I tried to practice most days but at a certain point, I started to wonder: what the hell am I doing? Sitting here doing nothing but thinking about this and that? I think I can follow one breath, maybe, and then I space out. It never seems to change all that much.  Is this what is supposed to be happening?

Without hesitation, he said: “I think you should go on a meditation retreat. At least two weeks.” My jaw dropped. There was no way I could get away for TWO WHOLE WEEKS and also no way I could just sit there for TWO WHOLE WEEKS.

So, I went for one week. It is not an exaggeration to say it was the best thing I had ever done. Though retreats are both wonderful and irritating, invigorating and exhausting, they are also something beyond all of that: fruitional. Your practice stabilizes. Your insights deepen. You slow down and find the benefits that come from actually resting your mind. It’s just not possible to do all this in the course of our daily lives. That is why it is called “retreat.” Though it can also be weirdly anxiety-producing as the date approaches, it is a joy to actually put everyday busy-ness aside. Amazing things happen.

I would love to practice with you in person and explore it all together. There are three such opportunities before 2023 ends. Each retreat is very different in terms of time and vibe, but perhaps one of these is right for you. 

Authentic Presence: Reawakening Spiritual Confidence

With Michael Carroll, Susan Piver, and Loden Nyima

July 1-14, 2023

Drala Mountain Center

Red Feather Lakes, Colorado

This two-week meditation retreat is a chance to experience the depths of our practice. We will spend two weeks in a contemplative environment, focused primarily on six to eight hours of daily meditation practice with supportive talks and interviews. There will also be time for rest and connecting with nature.

There is an option to attend the first week only.

Buddhism and the Enneagram: An Open Heart Project Retreat

October 11-15, 2023

Austin, Texas

In this small, in-person retreat, we will explore what it means to open our hearts to a world of beauty, sorrow, possibility, and constant uncertainty. Through sitting meditation practice and studying the nine heart-opening paths of enneagram, we will discover the indestructible nature of love.

These retreats are limited to 12 people. They tend to fill up rather quickly. If you’re interested, please apply here.

Reflect, Renew, Relax: A Deep Meditation Retreat

Dec 15-17, 2023

Kripalu

Lenox, MA

Kripalu is a yoga retreat center located in the beautiful Berkshire mountains of Massachusetts. The setting is serene, the food is delicious, and the whole place is a support for letting go of everyday concerns. 

On this retreat, we will practice meditation and take time to reflect on our lives and where we want to go in the coming year. The emphasis will be on turning deeply within to find your true priorities.

Details to come. Keep an eye on the Kripalu website.

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The most helpful (and confounding) view of the spiritual journey

Audio-only version is here.
Meditation practice begins at 11:27.

Dear Open Heart Project,

Hello, I hope you are well! Also, I cut all my hair off! On purpose!

In this video, I share some thoughts with you about something I’ve been thinking about in relation so my own spiritual journey, what in Buddhism is called “the middle way”. What is it in the middle of? How does one find this midpoint? I hope you find interesting things to think about in regard to this question.

Let me hear any reflections you have. I always love to hear from you.

With love, Susan

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Cultivating a Compassionate Mind: Step 4

Audio-only version is here.
Meditation practice begins at 18:06.

Dear Open Heart Project,

Welcome to the final video in this series on Cultivating a Compassionate Mind.

Week 1: Affection for the World

Week 2: Faith in the Right Situations

Week 3: Compassion for Sentient Beings

Now we come to Bravery, the fourth quality. In this view, bravery begins with developing some tolerance for your own discomfort. If we are unable to do so (or simply chose not to), we ignore our own pain and the pain of others and may choose to hide from those who need us.

Please have a listen to this short talk for more ideas about bravery and compassion in general. I always love to hear your thoughts! Please let me hear any questions or reflections.

Love, Susan

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Cultivating a Compassionate Mind: Step 3

Audio-only version is here.
Meditation practice begins at 14:21.

Dear Open Heart Project,

Welcome to the third video in our series: Cultivating a Compassionate Mind. We’ve discussed Affection for the World and Faith in the Right Situations so far.

Now we come to Compassion for Sentient Beings. This may sound straightforward, like, of course! If I want to cultivate a mind of compassion, I should feel compassion for…everyone. Okay, maybe. But here, “everyone” begins with you. How able are you to feel compassion for the sentient being who is reading these words?

Please have a listen to this short talk to hear more about the meaning of compassion, why it has to start with you, the importance of meditation—and a story about what I learned when someone told me to eff off and almost destroyed my creative and financial life. Seriously!! I also reference my dear friend Micheal Carroll, whose wisdom you have the opportunity to access when you join us and Loden Nyima for a retreat in Colorado this summer (details here).

With love,

Susan

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