Bill Konigsberg's Blog, page 8

Openly Straight Gets a Sequel!

So here’s the news I’ve been dying to share for the past, oh, four months:

A sequel to OPENLY STRAIGHT is on its way!

It’s called HONESTLY BEN, and it picks up right after where the first book left off. The catch: it’s Ben’s story of second semester at Natick, not Rafe’s.

This novel is really meant as a gift to fans of the first book, some of whom felt that they weren’t ready to leave the world of the book quite yet, and many of whom felt (spoiler alert, careful!) heartbroken by the ending of the book.

Will Ben forgive Rafe?Will Ben and Rafe wind up together? Is Ben even gay? bi? something else entirely? What the hell is Toby doing inside of Ben’s closet during a blizzard? Is it a bad idea for Rafe and Ben to play a game called Let’s Clear the Air without the benefit of a Plastic Screwdriver or two?

These questions and more will be answered in the sequel. I promise.

Here’s what Publisher’s Marketplace had to say about the book:

A draft of the book is already written, so I know the answers to those questions. But sorry, you won’t get them from me! You’ll have to wait until the book comes out next year. In the meantime, here’s a song I listened to a lot while writing the sequel’s first draft:

Agape, by Bear’s Den:

Bill Konigsberg, Trevor Project Champion

This is me at 14 years old. I was called Billy back then.

Billy was a sad boy. It was right around this time that I began to understand that my attraction was toward males and not females. I didn’t understand much about it. I had no idea that there were millions of people experiencing the same feelings, and that some of them were happy, well-adjusted folks living good lives. All I knew was that the feelings I had made me one of those people. There were names for people like me.

So consequently, I began to hate myself. It didn’t help that for the first time in my life, I felt separated from my family. I had a secret, something that made me different than them. And my self-hatred became a desire to be “elsewhere,” somewhere where there was less pain. And when I realized I couldn’t really go elsewhere, it became, at times, lethal.

In THE PORCUPINE OF TRUTH, Carson Smith has some of the same feelings, though his is not about being gay. He thinks about it as he sits with his friend Aisha in a hotel parking lot in Salt Lake City.

Someone’s parked a U-Haul truck that takes up two spaces. Whose truck is that? What does their life feel like? Where are they running off to? I think of sitting on my radiator at home, and all the times in my life I’ve felt like taking off. I want to believe these people are going someplace better, someplace warmer, maybe. Happier. I have to believe that. Because if I don’t believe that, maybe life isn’t worth living.

The truth is that I was severely depressed as a teenager. I cannot express just how many times I felt like I literally couldn’t go another day. That sounds dramatic, but it’s true. Suicide felt like an option so often that at a certain point the idea was no longer shocking.

I made it, though. I made it to adulthood, and I’m so glad I did, because my life has been full of surprises and gifts and joy, among other things, and I’d never have found out any of that had I ended things.

My teen experience, along with the fact that for all of the advances our society has made, suicide remains a far bigger threat to LGBTQ teens than those who aren’t LGBTQ, has made me take leave of my senses. In September, I am embarking upon a cross-country journey in the hopes of helping teens understand just how important it is during these hard years to stay alive.

As an “champion” for The Trevor Project, I will be stopping at schools and churches and community centers across the country to talk to teens about the amazing services offered by The Trevor Project, and about my own struggle with depression and thoughts of suicide. My goal: to help kids make it through the hard years by connecting with them and giving them a little extra dose of hope.

I’m focusing on areas where kids are most in need: the midwest and the south. I already have about 10 stops planned, and I am looking to add another 10 or 20. If you are a person who works with teens as part of a GSA or a community group, and you’d like me to make a stop in your town or city as an champion for The Trevor Project, please email me at bkonigsberg@gmail.com and let me know where you are, and what kind of group you have. These visits are 100% free.

This trip will also be a fundraiser for The Trevor Project. This summer, or as soon as I have a finalized schedule, I will be raising funds online, asking people to pledge their support for my trip by giving to The Trevor Project. Every penny I raise for TTP will go to them. They have long been my charity of choice, and I’m so glad if something I do can help them with their outstanding services for at-risk youth.

So that’s what I’m doing in September. More information as it becomes available right here at billkonigsberg.com.

Bill Konigsberg, Trevor Project Ambassador

This is me at 14 years old. I was called Billy back then.

Billy was a sad boy. It was right around this time that I began to understand that my attraction was toward males and not females. I didn’t understand much about it. I had no idea that there were millions of people experiencing the same feelings, and that some of them were happy, well-adjusted folks living good lives. All I knew was that the feelings I had made me one of those people. There were names for people like me.

So consequently, I began to hate myself. It didn’t help that for the first time in my life, I felt separated from my family. I had a secret, something that made me different than them. And my self-hatred became a desire to be “elsewhere,” somewhere where there was less pain. And when I realized I couldn’t really go elsewhere, it became, at times, lethal.

In THE PORCUPINE OF TRUTH, Carson Smith has some of the same feelings, though his is not about being gay. He thinks about it as he sits with his friend Aisha in a hotel parking lot in Salt Lake City.

Someone’s parked a U-Haul truck that takes up two spaces. Whose truck is that? What does their life feel like? Where are they running off to? I think of sitting on my radiator at home, and all the times in my life I’ve felt like taking off. I want to believe these people are going someplace better, someplace warmer, maybe. Happier. I have to believe that. Because if I don’t believe that, maybe life isn’t worth living.

The truth is that I was severely depressed as a teenager. I cannot express just how many times I felt like I literally couldn’t go another day. That sounds dramatic, but it’s true. Suicide felt like an option so often that at a certain point the idea was no longer shocking.

I made it, though. I made it to adulthood, and I’m so glad I did, because my life has been full of surprises and gifts and joy, among other things, and I’d never have found out any of that had I ended things.

My teen experience, along with the fact that for all of the advances our society has made, suicide remains a far bigger threat to LGBTQ teens than those who aren’t LGBTQ, has made me take leave of my senses. In September, I am embarking upon a cross-country journey in the hopes of helping teens understand just how important it is during these hard years to stay alive.

As an ambassador for The Trevor Project, I will be stopping at schools and churches and community centers across the country to talk to teens about the amazing services offered by The Trevor Project, and about my own struggle with depression and thoughts of suicide. My goal: to help kids make it through the hard years by connecting with them and giving them a little extra dose of hope.

I’m focusing on areas where kids are most in need: the midwest and the south. I already have about 10 stops planned, and I am looking to add another 10 or 20. If you are a person who works with teens as part of a GSA or a community group, and you’d like me to make a stop in your town or city as an ambassador for The Trevor Project, please email me at bkonigsberg@gmail.com and let me know where you are, and what kind of group you have. These visits are 100% free.

This trip will also be a fundraiser for The Trevor Project. This summer, or as soon as I have a finalized schedule, I will be raising funds online, asking people to pledge their support for my trip by giving to The Trevor Project. Every penny I raise for TTP will go to them. They have long been my charity of choice, and I’m so glad if something I do can help them with their outstanding services for at-risk youth.

So that’s what I’m doing in September. More information as it becomes available right here at billkonigsberg.com.

First trade reviews for The Porcupine of Truth

So far,  The Porcupine of Truth has received three reviews. Two of them are starred reviews, from Booklist and School Library Journal, and the third is a very nice review from Kirkus!

A starred review, according to Publishers Weekly, indicates a book of “outstanding quality.” It appears that perhaps 10 percent of published books receive a starred review, so I’m very pleased at this early reception to The Porcupine.

Some excerpts from the reviews:

“There are no true villains in the well-developed cast of characters, just people trying to do their best and frequently failing. … Konigsberg weaves together a masterful tale of uncovering the past, finding wisdom, and accepting others as well as oneself.” – SLJ

“Konigsberg (Openly Straight, 2013) employs a colorful style (a day is “warm, like bread just out of the oven,” and Carson’s new room is “like a remote bunker where people store their afterthoughts”) and crafts fascinating, multidimensional teen and adult characters. A friendship between a straight boy and a lesbian is relatively rare in YA fiction and is, accordingly, exceedingly welcome. And that’s the truth.” – Booklist (Starred review)

“…the story tackles questions about religion, family, and intimacy with depth and grace. The mystery of Carson’s grandfather is resolved with bittersweet thoroughness, and Aisha’s storyline comes to a hopeful, if also painful, resolution of its own.” -Kirkus

Somewhere out there, a Truth Porcupine is dancing happily down a Wyoming highway. Thanks, reviewers!

The Prickly Truth

The thing about writing a book with a porcupine in the title is that you set yourself up to be the butt of a lot of puns.

“Sounds prickly,” people like to say, when I tell them that my next novel is called THE PORCUPINE OF TRUTH.

“The truth can be prickly.”

“What a prick.”

You get the drill.

A friend even made this meme for me yesterday on Facebook:

It’s hard not to take the last part a little personally, no? :-)

The bottom line is I love that people love this title, that it sparks creativity of thought. What I’m hoping is that people will love the book just as much. The biggest issue I see getting in the way of that is that it’s going to be a challenge to adequately explain this book to potential readers.

It reminds me, in a way, of A.S. King’s Everybody Sees the Ants. Not the writing, though I’d love it if that were true, as I adore A.S. King. I mean that both books are filled with “stuff” that readers will (hopefully) find interesting but are a bit hard to explain in a sentence.

Openly Straight has a very clean hook: An openly gay boy from Boulder, Colorado, is tired of being thought of as the gay kid, decides to attend an all-boys school across the country where he will try to recreate himself without the label gay. Hilarity ensues.

Out of the Pocket, likewise: A closeted high school quarterback is outed against his will and unwittingly becomes a national story. He must come out to his family and team in the bright spotlight, and he learns about what you can, and can’t, change.

But Porcupine? It’s a tough one to explain: A New York City boy is forced to spend the summer before senior year in Billings, Montana, taking care of his estranged, ailing father. There he meets a girl who… ugh. I’m still miles away.

Another tact: A straight white male teen becomes fast friends with a gay black female, and the two teens team up for a cross-country caper… Nah. That’s true, but it doesn’t catch the nuance of the meaning behind the trip.

Or: A boy goes on a quest to reunite his missing grandfather and his dying father, and learns the meaning of human connection along the way.

Close, but not close.

I promise you if you take a look you’ll be glad you did. ‘The best I can do is say the following:

This is a book about feeling disconnected and learning to connect. That connection can be social, spiritual, or familial.

It’s a book about heredity, and how we become our parents even when we don’t want to, and how to handle that when your family has a history of addiction.

It’s a book about how some of us cover our emotions with humor, and how hard it can be to dig out from under all the junk we put out so that people can’t get to know who we really are.

It’s a book about finding family outside of your family of origin, if and when your family of origin rejects you for who you are.

It’s a book about figuring out what God is and isn’t. There are no answers herein, but there’s a lot about how deciding that God doesn’t exist is just as limiting as being certain that God does.

If the elevator ride is long enough for me to make this pitch, I think folks will be interested. I mean, I’d read that book. But if it’s just to the third floor, frankly I’m going to have to hope that the title and wonderful cover are enough to hook readers into starting to read.

I sure hope they are!

Heroes and Villains

“Your main character is whiny.”

This is a tough one for me, and it’s a comment I’ve received on a few of my books from both editors and readers. It’s tough because my characters are often parts of me, so it hits close to home. In case you’re wondering why I’m whining about it now.

(Half-) Joking aside, I think I can safely say that creating rounded protagonists is not a major issue of mine. By “rounded,” I mean to differentiate from “flat” characters, characters who are two-dimensional types. Most of the time, readers will comment on how “human” my characters are.

There is, however, an exception to that rule.

I was thinking about this yesterday. I’ve been working on a novel, and I’m at the point where I am fine-tuning a first draft. I made a list of issues I know are in there, and one of them was, “Villains.”

I don’t like reading books where the “bad guys” are all bad. I prefer a more nuanced approach. Which is ironic, because in each of my first three published novels, there are some pretty two-dimensional bad guys. They are usually popular athletes of a sort. I’ve tried to round them out by giving them slight characteristics that contradict their negative ones–in Openly Straight, the guys are painfully nice to newcomers, but total assholes to the non-jock kids, for example. But in the end I’ll admit I’m not so satisfied with Zack and Steve from that book.

So here I am, something of an “expert” on the art of writing novels by now. I teach. I am well published. Critically acclaimed. And yet, I really struggle in this one area.

So I ask you: how do you as a writer write three-dimensional antagonists, when you don’t want to spend an entire novel focusing on them? I’m talking about characters who may appear between 5-and-10 times in a novel, tops.

I’m open to ideas. I’ll see what i get, if anything, on this, and I will sound off on it in a couple days.

The gratitude game

In Openly Straight, Rafe Goldberg’s family plays a game on Thanksgiving called “The Gratitude Game.” In it, they go around in a circle saying things for which they are grateful. The catch: they only have five seconds to come up with something, they can’t repeat anything, and if they fail, they’re out. The winner is the last one standing.

I made this game up, actually, as I was writing the book. Turns out it’s an actual thing. Since the book came out in 2013, I’ve heard from several readers, wondering how I knew about their family’s game. I dunno. Writing is weird. Yesterday I was writing a scene and I just knew I needed a quote from General Macarthur. I barely remember anything beyond that he was a World War II general, but somehow, there was a quote and it was just perfect. “You are remembered for the rules you break,” he said. I have never heard of Macarthur saying this.

How I knew what I needed there, when I really had NO IDEA, is a fascinating topic I’ll have to touch on some other time.

Anyhow, The Gratitude Game.

A friend of mine often says, “If you live a life of gratitude, it’s hard to be unhappy.”

I’ve found that at the times my brain isn’t quite working, it’s pretty darn hard to get to gratitude. But right now, today, my brain is working just fine. So I thought I would look back at 2014 and play with myself.

I should be more specific. Play “The Gratitude Game” with myself.

I promise not to cheat. I will allow myself no more than five seconds for each thing, and the only adjustment is that here I will take a moment to explain myself for each thing that needs explanation. But when I’m done, the five second clock will be back on.

Here goes:

My health – I’ve had some weird kidney stuff this year, but thankfully a naturopathic doctor helped me heal my kidneys and as of this moment I am fine!

Naturopathic Medicine!

Yoga – Getting into yoga of late. Namaste.

Chuck – Yikes. He should probably go first, no?

Buford – Our new puppy. Hellion. Sweetie pie.

Mabel – The Best Little Girl in the world.

Matzoh – (Spelling?) This is one of those where I almost ran out of time. I have not eaten Matzoh (spelling?) this year, but I suppose I’m grateful for unleavened bread.

Chicken, fried – Nothing better than fried chicken! See damaged kidneys.

Candy – See previous comment.

My mother – in trouble again for having her below candy.

My sister – Who gets me in some ways that no one else does.

My dad – For his sweetness and his puns, heavily featured in The Porcupine of Truth

My brother – My buddy!

My nephews and nieces! – Five of ‘em now!

Alcohol – Weird. Just the first thing that came to mind. I barely drink. No, really.

Cheerios – My mind is suddenly in a weird food place.

Devil Dogs – ‘Nuff said.

Scholastic – My publishing house! Love everyone there.

Cheryl Klein – My editor. Awesome in every way.

Arthur Levine – My publisher. Awesome in every way.

Linda Epstein – My agent, friend, champion. When I don’t have the strength to fight for me, she somehow does.

Moth balls – Again, almost ran out of time.

Computers – How would I live without them?

Television

Cardboard – So many uses

SCBWI – The Sid Fleischman Award. So grateful.

Other authors – So that I don’t go a million lines, I won’t name all the authors I love and those who inspire me. I could go about 70 deep here, but I won’t. You may or may not know that I am grateful for your inspiration, so all authors, thank you.

My friends – Ditto. So many to thank. I love, love, love my friends.

Second chances – And third, fourth, etc. I make mistakes sometimes.

God’s patience – Yes, I believe. And I am so glad that I get a chance to right the ship, so to speak. When I’m off path, I am given the time I need to get back on.

Being gay – It’s given me so many gifts. Love, the understanding of what it means to be different, pain and loneliness, something different about me, a platform from which to speak.

XXXXXXX

I lost! After being gay, my brain shut down. I’d like to use that sentence in a book sometime.

Happy 2015, all! I wish you all good things in the year to come!

Spiritual and Emotional Pushups

I don’t do well with criticism.

There, I said it. Sigh. Load off shoulders. I have all sorts of thoughts and reactions to this, and admitting it to others is hard, because A) it tells toxic people that if they want to get to me, all they need to do is criticize me, and B) I’m an adult. And as such, I’m supposed to be mature, and mature adults are able to process simple things like criticism, and not have it spiral into something insane.

But the truth is that I am not so able to process it, and it does spiral. Insanely. Not always, but often. Some criticism seems to roll off my back, but other things hit someplace deep and core in me and tells me that I’m a screwup, I’ve always been a screwup, I’ll always be a screwup. This is probably the number one core belief I have about me, and no amount of kudos or not screwing up seems to cover that ancient wound.

When it is touched — maybe I should say when it is speared — I tend to find myself in six-year-old mode. I want to take my toys and leave. I want to behave in ways that are passive aggressive, so that the person who has criticized me will be sorry when they see what they’ve driven me to, which is basically like drinking poison and expecting the other person to drop dead.

I should take a moment to say that one thing that is NOT helpful when it comes to this is telling me to “grow a pair” or “toughen up.” Yes. Duh. But what it sounds like to me is confirmation that I’m a fuckup. Which I really don’t need, especially when I’m in a sensitive state.

A person I love mentioned to me this morning that it probably makes sense to work on that, especially before The Porcupine of Truth comes out. Yes, this sounded a bit like “toughen up,” and that didn’t feel good, and I went to my child place. But she could not be more correct. While Openly Straight brought me more polarized reactions than the rather sweet and likable Out of the Pocket, I am assuming that Porcupine with explode those reactions. As soon as you talk about God and religion, even if your message is genuinely accepting and gentle, you’re sure to bring out all sorts of reactions. And there are other things in Porcupine that will surely (and already have) brought out extreme reactions in people.

So the prickly truth is that if I want to survive the reaction to Porcupine, I need to do some spiritual/emotional pushups. I need to get to a place where I know who I am, and I know that I’m an extremely fine human being with tons to offer the world, that I am a human with flaws and gifts and all that comes with being one of them humans.

Here are the steps I plan to take to improve my ability to hear the good and the bad. If you are a person who struggles with this and you want to do this along with me, by all means! Comment below any time you’re working on it, and I will be there, right by your side. We’ll do it together.

1) Affirmations. I know, they’re very Stuart Smalley, but I’ve had great success with them in the past and it’s time to do another one. I will take the five things I like least about myself, the five most painful weaknesses, and turn them into strengths. For instance, with “I am a fuckup,” I might say, “I do the right thing” or “I am very good at doing many things.” If it was “I am ugly,” I would say, “I am good looking.” I will take those five things and make them into a sentence, and I will write it out and tape it next to my bathroom mirror. Every morning and every evening, I will say that affirmation. For 30 days. In my experience, it feels silly for about five days and then it starts to feel really, really good.

2) Random acts of kindness. I have been doing this all year, but I will step it up now. Once a day, I do something for someone without them knowing. This is really something I do for me, because it makes me feel good. It makes me feel hopeful that I have put something out in the world that is positive, and that the waves of it will reach many people.

3) Pray. I know, some of you are not believers. Some of you are. That’s all fine. I don’t think you need to believe in God to pray. I think you simply need to believe in a power greater than yourself. Call it the universe. Call it nature. I have to ask that higher source for help because there are some things I simply cannot do on my own. This is one. I don’t know how it works, if it aligns my energy with something greater or if there is a God or if it simply sets my intention more clearly on a task. It simply works. I ask for help, and if you’re struggling with this, you may want to consider doing the same.

4) GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA! This is less about criticism than it is about negativity. I have noticed these last six years on Facebook that I start my day by reading my Facebook page, and while I truly enjoy hearing what my friends are up to, most of the time my blood pressure is raised. One might say that there are good reasons to be upset, and I agree; there most certainly are. But it’s not a great way for me to focus my energy, as it takes me to a very negative and angry place. I have been an advocate and a leader and helper of LGBTQ people with my actions for 13 years, and now I am in a different place. I still believe in equality, and deeply so. But I also believe that other people can and will heed the call to lead, and at this moment I need to focus on getting myself well.

4a) That means Goodreads, too. Especially Goodreads. This is just preventative while I do the pushups. It does me no good to read praise if I react more strongly to the negative. Why should I ingest that stuff? Maybe when I’m stronger, but for now, I have to remember that no part of the “writer” job description insists that I take on people’s criticism. And just so it’s said: kids, don’t send authors notes about how they’ve disappointed or offended you. Talk about it with friends and counselors. It is not my job as an author to respond to your disappointment. That goes for adults, too. The age of social media may tell you that you now have access to everyone and everything, and that it’s fair game to share your misery with every author, but that’s a really transgressive act. If you want to share a kindness, how lovely. If you want to share your negativity, find a better avenue. This author doesn’t want to hear it, and I know I’m not alone.

5) Writing about it. I am going to spend 15 minutes every day writing about this particular core belief. I am hopeful that doing so will help take it out of the darkness and allow me to be more cognizant about it.

So that’s the plan for now. I may add to this, but this is how I’ll start.

First Responders to The Porcupine…

When you’re waiting for the release of a new book, there’s this period that is almost unbearable.

It’s about 5-6 months out, and it’s the pre-buzz period. You’ve finally seen the Advanced Reading Copy (ARC) of your book, you’ve gotten maybe a couple blurbs from authors, a few family members have read it. What you don’t have, though, is any way to gauge how the book will be received by the public.

That’s exactly where I find myself with The Porcupine of Truth. I came back from the NCTE Conference (National Council of Teachers of English) a couple weeks back having said “I’m really excited about Porcupine” more times than I am comfortable to admit. It was the first time I got to sign some ARCs, and I just wanted someone to read the dang thing!

Well… I now have received four comments on Porcupine. Two by email, two on Twitter. And I want to share them with you, because, well, “I’m really excited about Porcupine.”

For now I will focus on the comments rather than who said them, but I will say that in each case, these are PRIMO readers — educators, booksellers, book professionals — who know YA extremely well.

First emailer said, “This was just…WOW. I have never cried so many times (and laughed so many times) or loved a book so HARD from the first chapter right on down to your acknowledgments. … There is so much truth and loveliness in this book. It just gets everything so exactly right about being a child, being a parent, and being a friend.”

The second: “I’ve just finished The Porcupine of Truth and am captivated. The characters are all wonderful in their individual ways (the father is heartbreaking) and beautifully realized; the plot, superbly conceived and executed. … In short, this is a terrific novel.”

The first tweet: “Wow. Just. Wow. This might be the most beautiful book I’ve read this year. Thank you @billkonigsberg. Thank you.” In a second tweet, it continued: “It made me happy and sad and hopeful. I loved everything about it!”

The second tweet: “@billkonigsberg The Porcupine of Truth. Friendship, family, faith, history, identity. Complex journey to acceptance.” A second: “TPOT was painful and lovely.”

I am obviously encouraged by these responses!

There’s simply no way to know if The Porcupine of Truth will resonate the same way Openly Straight has, or if it will break through to an even larger readership. I hope so, but in the end there is only so much I can do to get the book in reader’s hands. I will surely do everything I can, but the most important thing for now is that I feel like I poured my heart and soul into this book, and I’m proud of it. So whatever happens, I will always stand behind it!

The book comes out in May 2015.

How Can I Help Others?

I got another great email this week from a 17-year-old girl from Texas. I wanted to share it along with my answer, in case it is useful to anyone else.

—-

My name is xxxxxxxxxxxx. I am 17 years old, a junior in high school in Texas, and I’ve also been out as a lesbian since I was 11 years old. I know you receive emails like this constantly and I honestly don’t expect you to read this, but you are, so great thanks to you.

What I wanted to tell you about what how I commend you on your specific writing styles and ideas. I’ve read both Openly Straight and Out Of The Pocket, and I am currently using Out Of The Pocket for an English project. You have surprised me with your stories quite a bit.

Most of my gay friends are isolated, sort of in an “outcast” group. I could never do that growing up. I am a loud kid who is also athletic, making me outgoing. Being on sports team and so overly loud, I have gained a lot of popularity and I have always wanted to further help kids like me be comfortable in their skin. Your books reflect my life so well and you’ve helped me handle certain aspects of being gay that I didn’t know how to approach before. I want to ask you, how was coming out for you? Your books are so interesting and the main characters in the two I’ve read have had to deal with coming out, but from reading your Q&A’s, you aren’t much like your characters. I want to know, if you’re comfortable sharing, what it was like for you to become who you are.

Personally, I fortunately don’t deal with much hate. But I know so many kids like me do and I feel like it’s kind of my niche as a gay kid who is also very popular among kids who typically are ignorant to the gay lifestyle, to inform those kids who don’t know, and don’t appreciate, the dignity of kids like me. I feel like I could make teen-aged life a bit of a better place, and I want your help. You have made so many people comfortable with homosexuals just by information. Can you help me, maybe give me some advice on how to handle bullying situations, or how to approach shy gay kids who need guidance? I have been looking into speaking at support groups and whatnot but I haven’t found anything in my area.

Mr. Konigsberg, you are a big idol to me and I think you can give me some advice that can really help me and other kids in situations you and I have both been through. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and I sincerely hope to hear back from you.

—

Dear xxxxxxxxxxxx,

Thank you so much for your great email!


So let me get to answering your questions. I don’t have a ton of time but I want to write something useful to you!

First off, my coming out. My coming out took place almost 30 years ago, and it was a different time. We didn’t have gay characters on TV, and I didn’t even know of any gay characters in books. I felt very alone. I thought there was no one else in the world who understood, and I felt like a freak. So first I was sad, and then I got angry. I got in the faces of a lot of people who I felt were hypocritical, or judgmental of me and people like me. I wrote a play in high school, along with some friends, about LGBT issues and racial issues and gender issues. It helped me and it helped some other people.

But I guess the one ting I would say is that if I had to do it all over again, I would have focused on how I felt about me, rather than how everyone else felt about me. To be happy in this world, the most important thing is to be happy in your own skin. It sounds like you are happy in your own skin, and that’s everything. Trust me. People who aren’t happy in their own skin wind up with addictions, and lots of drama in their lives. To live a peaceful life, we have to get good with who we are.

So maybe I’d say if you want to help other kids, treat them with love and respect. Help them see what’s beautiful about them. Instead of getting in the faces of any people who are bullies, spend your energy befriending those who are bullied. If they’ve been told their worthless, show them that they have worth. Tell them that. If they’ve been told they are sick and perverted, show them that there are other people just like them and that tell them that they most certainly aren’t perverts.

Do you get where I’m going here? To me, the best way to make a difference in this world is to learn to love ourselves, and to help others love themselves.

Best,

Bill Konigsberg