Bill Konigsberg's Blog, page 10

Excited for the Lammies!

I’m excited to be going to the Lambda Literary Awards in New York on Monday!

Kate Clinton will host, and she’s awesome and hilarious. I’ll get to see a lot of friends, including David Levithan and Aaron Hartzler from the Openly Straight tour. They are nominated along with me in the children’s/young adult category. 

You know that cliché, where people say, “It’s an honor just to be nominated”?

Well, in this case, it really is just an honor to be nominated. I do not expect that Openly Straight will win this year. The competition looks fierce. But I must say that I’m really looking forward to the event. It’s a celebration of LGBT literature, and I am so grateful to be part of that world in my own way. 

I’ll try to post pictures! I say try, because I usually forget to take pictures.

How to Make Friends and Influence People: LGBT Edition

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about RuPaul.

As you may know, RuPaul has recently come under fire for his constant usage of terms such as “she-male” in his show, “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” He has been further vilified by some in the LGBT community for standing by his usage of such terms.

Thinking about RuPaul’s situation has made me think of two other people, as well:

Alec Baldwin

and this guy

 

More on this guy later. The RuPaul incident made me think of Baldwin because he, too, has come under fire from some in the LGBT community for uttering anti-gay terms in public.

I will surely get in trouble for having an opinion, but I do have one. And I’m entitled to it. And I’m entitled to share it.

I think we need to choose our battles more carefully. 

It’s not that RuPaul’s use of the term “she-male” isn’t offensive to some transgender people; it clearly is. And that’s bad.

It’s not that Baldwin’s use of the term “queen” isn’t offensive to some gay people; it clearly is. And that’s bad, too.

It’s that when we point fingers and scream at each other, we lose. 

RuPaul is not the enemy. Baldwin is not the enemy. People can say words that aren’t in line with the words we would choose without being the enemy.

There are real enemies out there. Be sure of it. There are people who want all LGBT people dead. Some of these people are working hard to make that happen. Scott Lively, pictured above, is a minister who has made it his life’s work to spread the message that gays are dangerous pedophiles. He’s traveled to Uganda, and allegedly influenced that country’s leadership and helped usher through its “kill-the-gays” law. He is hardly alone. There are many, many people around the world who wish us great harm. Some of them are in power.

My point is, we have enemies. And then we have allies. In his 20 years in the spotlight, RuPaul has done more to challenge gender roles than almost anyone in the world. In Baldwin’s many years, he has been a friend to the LGBT community, albeit one who seems to put his foot in his mouth. A lot.

Is it possible for allies to say things that upset us? Absolutely. Thank God I’m not on camera 24/7… I’d surely offend lots of people, and I’m a pretty nice guy. Words are sometimes hurtful, and even if we try to live our lives kindly and choose our words carefully, we are all-but-certain to slip up and hurt someone’s feelings.

Hurt feelings aren’t nothing. They matter. To me, they matter deeply. As someone who has been hurt by words a lot in my life, I take that seriously. But here’s the thing: as a community, we LGBT folks could surely use a lesson in communication.

I was taught, years ago, that when I confront someone who has hurt my feelings, the best phrasing is, “When you said _______, it made me feel _______.”

This isolates the action, rather than the person. Rather than attacking RuPaul, for his belief that “She-male” is a fine term, why not enter into a dialogue? Why not tell RuPaul this using persuasive speech or writing? He seems like a very sensitive guy, and if he doesn’t seem that way right now, it’s probably because he’s being attacked. Most people are not terribly sensitive when under attack. 

Why not tell Alec Baldwin that his phrasing was hurtful? And why it’s hurtful? And allow him to apologize and try to do better? And move on?

Instead, we get shrill. The LGBT media jumps down the throats of those who slip up, and this gets us nowhere. I guarantee you that Scott Lively is kicking back and laughing as he watches the battle between RuPaul and the LGBT-friendly media. We’re beating each other up rather than talking.

I get that I don’t know what it’s like to be trans. I am open to hearing more about that experience. I want to learn. I guarantee you that many people feel this way. So can we start a more useful conversation about what words trans people find hurtful? Can our media, instead of creating an argument, give us some good essays, written by trans people, about what it’s like to be trans and hear the word “she-male?” Can cisgender lesbians and gays, then, respond to such essays with measured words rather than rants?

Can we unite as one community, and stop eating our own?

The Kiss

There’s a scene in Peter Lefcourt’s terrific novel “The Dreyfus Affair” where the star shortstop, Randy Dreyfus, is caught deep kissing the team’s second baseman. The novel, published in 1993, is a fascinating timepiece. The kiss begins a wild spiral for the two players; there are press conferences in which the players are made to say–by Major League Baseball–that the kiss was “horseplay”; the two players get kicked out of baseball for “conduct unbecoming” to the sport; sentiment turns in their favor when their team, without them, appear overmatched in the World Series; they are reinstated; and, finally, the start shortstop gets shot during a World Series game.

That novel strongly impacted my writing of “Out of the Pocket,” in which high school quarterback Bobby Framingham becomes a national story when he’s outed against his will. In the 2008 novel, sentiment about Bobby’s sexual orientation is at first mixed. As the novel goes on, he is accepted. He doesn’t need to get shot, and that was a telling difference in the 15 years between those novels.

Cut to Saturday, when Michael Sam became the first openly gay player to be drafted into any of the four major male professional team sports in the U.S. ESPN showed Sam’s reaction, which included a passionate kiss with his boyfriend.

I am fascinated by the reactions to the kiss, which seem to run the gamut from “beautiful,” to “so what,” to “ew gross,” to “he should be shot.” Such is the society in which we live now, in 2014. There’s a lot of acceptance and even celebration of LGBT people, and the sentiment of many is that Sam is a brave man, a hero. And yet there’s still a long way to go, as anyone on Twitter after Sam’s kiss aired could tell you.

But what truly interests me about the kiss is what it tells us about Michael Sam. This is a man who is passionately committed to living an authentic life. Being drafted was an emotional moment. He met that moment by embracing and kissing his boyfriend. He did not edit himself. He refused.

It’s this kind of courage that makes me believe that Sam will succeed in the NFL. And also that he’ll hit a lot of football fans–and their preconceptions–right between the eyes.

There is a great moment in the Simpsons episode “Homerphobia” from about 20 years ago. In it, Homer meets a gay man and becomes incensed and uncomfortable when he realizes the man is gay. He tells Marge, “I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals FLAMING.”

The drafting of Michael Sam will force the same issue for millions of straight, beer-drinking, loud-TV-watching heterosexual men who are perhaps more comfortable with the idea that gay men are somehow different, lesser. Seeing Sam sack a quarterback or make a tackle for a loss will challenge that. It threatens the notion of heterosexual supremacy, and that’s going to be interesting to watch as it plays out.

It’s that fear that is behind the whole alleged outrage over public displays of affection. Those who are outraged may indeed feel as though what they are seeing is disgusting; I can’t speak for those people. But I do know that the reaction is a smokescreen for the truth. People who are unfamiliar with gay people are struggling to reconcile their concept of masculinity with the truth about masculinity.

That truth is that gay men are no less “manly,” no less brave, no less powerful than straight men. A man can meet the criteria of “manly,” and still kiss another man. Kissing a man does not make a person weaker than a man. And yes, I am saying that to make the point that all of this stuff is rooted in misogyny. You better believe that what I’m saying about heterosexual supremacy is intricately tied to male supremacy.

It’s high time that all these hierarchies get challenged, and Sam is a brave man to do it. I personally think that within a few games, most of these fears will be assuaged. People will see that a man can be gay, and play football at a high level, without the world exploding. And soon there will be more openly gay men in the NFL. And before long, we won’t need to talk about it anymore, because it will be known to exist.

And the world will be a better place for it.

 

Help! I don’t know how to get my copy of the new Out of the Pocket

…paperback, and I’m scared. And alone. Only that book can save me. Can you help me? Can you please, please help?

Relax, made-up neurotic person who doesn’t exist! Here’s the link.

The second edition has:

-A foreword by former NFL punter Chris Kluwe

-An afterword by Outsports co-founder Jim Buzinski

-Two new chapters by yours truly

Buy your copy today!

Re-Release of Out of the Pocket: Frequently Asked Questions

 

“Hey Bill, what’s the deal with the so-called re-release of your 2008 debut novel, Out of the Pocket?” I’ve been getting emails asking me this question, so consider this a primer on the subject.

Q: What is OUT OF THE POCKET?

A: For those of you who are new to Bill Konigsberg, OUT OF THE POCKET was my debut novel, released in 2008 by Dutton Books for Children. It’s the story of Bobby Framingham, a talented high school quarterback from Southern California and one of the top players in the country. Bobby happens to be gay. He hasn’t told a soul, he hasn’t acted on it, but his secret is beginning to get the better of him. He confides in a friend, and suddenly he no longer controls the story. What happens when the story comes out? How does the sports media handle the story of one of the nation’s top recruits being gay? How do his teammates react? And what about the girl who thinks they’ve been dating all this time? The novel was critically praised, won the Lambda Literary Award, and developed something of a cult following.

Q: What makes OUT OF THE POCKET different than other gay sports novels?

A: When I wrote the novel, I was working as a sports writer and editor in New York for The Associated Press. For those of you new to my books, you may not know that prior to writing fiction I was a sports writer. In fact, I came out while working at ESPN.com in an essay that appeared on the front page of that website, becoming the first openly gay male at ESPN. This background made me uniquely qualified to write a book that gets the football right, as well as the authentic emotions of a closeted athlete.

Q: How has this book not been made a movie?

A: I wonder the same thing. Readers of OUT OF THE POCKET remark all the time that it reads like a movie, and it was written that way. I’m open to all offers!

Q: It says this is the second edition of OUT OF THE POCKET. What does that mean?

A: It means that new material has been added to the book for the new edition.

Former Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe, an outspoken straight ally, has written a foreword for the novel.
Outsports co-founder Jim Buzinski, one of the absolute heroes of the gay sports movement, has written an afterword.
There are two new chapters detailing what happens to Bobby after the end of the novel, for those who are curious about where he goes to school and what happens to his friendships and relationship with Bryan.

Q: Why is OUT OF THE POCKET being re-released now?

A: When Michael Sam came out, I felt like the book became very topical and had something to say, as Bobby Framingham is, in some ways, Michael Sam. So I decided to release the book the week of the NFL draft, to coincide (hopefully) with the drafting of Sam by an NFL team.

Q: When will OUT OF THE POCKET become available?

A: It will become available on Amazon sometime next week, hopefully on Tuesday, May 4th. When it does, you can be sure I’ll post a link to the page here.

Q: How can I purchase OUT OF THE POCKET?

A: You can purchase copies on Amazon or here. Bookstores and libraries will be able to purchase copies through expanded distribution soon, but it can sometimes take up to 6-8 weeks for the title to become available that way. If you are a bookstore or a library and want copies before that, feel free to contact me. If there is a way I can be of help, I will certainly do so!

Q: Is the new edition available as an e-book?

A: Not at this time. There is an e-book of the first edition, available on Amazon, published by Dutton. But if you’re looking for the book with the foreword, afterword and two new chapters, not to mention the new cover, it is currently only available in paperback.

Q: Who is the cute guy on the cover?

A: The very cute guy is a student at Emerson College. The cover photo was taken by Evan Walsh, who also did the cover for David Levithan’s Two Boys Kissing.

Q: Are you available for interviews about the re-release, or about Michael Sam?

A: Yes. Please contact my publicist, Kameron Martinez, at kamerontylermartinez@gmail.com to check on availability and to set up a time to speak. Kameron also has my head shots as well as a high-quality jpeg of the new cover.

Who the hell is Bill Konigsberg?

So suffice it to say things are happening for Openly Straight! Today it was announced that the novel is a YALSA Teens’ Top Ten nominee. The list of kudos for Openly Straight is a bit surreal and mind boggling to me, and it makes me think, you know, maybe I can stop relying solely on my belly dancing career? Soon, maybe. Have jiggle will shake, I always say.

So I started to think about what happens when teens from all over the country vote for their favorite books from a list of 25. I don’t mean to get all Glenn Beck-paranoid on you, but I do think maybe I’m at a bit of a disadvantage going up against authors people have actually heard of–Rainbow Rowell, Francessca Lia Block, James Dashner, Andrew Smith, Rick Yancey, among others.

So I decided to create this primer for those who might want to get to know this Bill Konigsberg guy. So I bring you 13 facts–some truer than others–about Bill Konigsberg.

1) I began to realize I was different when I was eight, and I had a strong emotional reaction to Donna Summer’s MacArthur Park. Someone had left the cake out in the rain! And she’d never have that recipe again! I liked cake, sure. But also I truly felt her pain. How does one make sure they don’t lose rare recipes and the like? This was before the cloud, people. You lose a piece of paper, and that recipe for mint marshmallow squares is forever gone. Forever.

2) I further understood I was different due to my obsession with the Indian from The Village People. Okay. The construction worker, too. They made me want to join the Navy, and here I was, just 12. Too young. But they. Wanted. Me! It was a challenging time in my life.

3) I ruined my 20s by wearing a mustache that didn’t suit me. It was the 90s. No one was wearing mustaches anymore outside of 70s porn movie actors who had been for two decades too poor to buy a razor, and there I was, cute as a button and mustachioed.

4) I also ruined my 20s by being the least stylish gay man in the United States. Of course, this also ruined my teens, 30s, and to some degree my 40s, though now I do take advice from more fashionable people and try to at least pretend to care how I look. One time when I was 25 and living in Denver, a guy I vaguely knew came up to me, put his arms around me, and whispered seductively in my ear: “Bill, I want to take you home, undress you, and RE-DRESS you.” It was a pretty good burn.

5) Sometimes when people read Openly Straight, they ask me how I so easily get into the mind of a neurotic teenager. I’m always like, um, yeah. That’s a real puzzler. I must be super talented to MORPH into someone SO UNLIKE me.

6) One time I gave my husband dead hydrangeas for Christmas. I thought I was so clever to be creating a Christmas scavenger hunt, all leading to gifts representing his favorite words (hydrangea, chutney, Canarsie). The day before, I hid the hydrangeas under the bed in a guest room. It did not occur to me that putting flowers in a dark place for 24 hours might kill them. When you give your husband dead hydrangeas for Christmas, you spend the next six months assuring him you love him.

7) One time when I was 19, I turned down a booty call from a very handsome classmate because I was watching re-runs of Saved by the Bell.

8) I am known to put marshmallow peeps in the microwave. It’s really fun watching them expand and expand, and then, if you let them cool for like 20 minutes, they get super crunchy and delicious.

9) One time when I was in my mid 20s, I was invited to a graduation barbecue for a person I didn’t know very well. When I drove up, I saw that there were only five people there, and two of them were people I disliked. Everyone turned and looked at my car as I pulled up to the curb. I stopped, looked at my watch (watches were like the cell phones of pretending you had something else that required your immediate attention of the time), put up a finger as if to say, “One sec, I’ll be right back” and pulled away. I did not return after “one sec.” To this day, this is the most awkward exit I have ever made from a party.

10) When I moved from Arizona to New York in 2005, I missed a local brand of cotton candy so much that I ordered a box of 25 1-pound cotton candy bags. I look back and think that’s disgusting and I’m so above that now, but a month ago I was on the Utz potato chip website, seeing what it would cost to get them to send me a box of crab chips, sold only on the east coast.

11) Somewhere out there, there is a VHS tape of me, at 18, singing Bruce Springsteen’s Brilliant Disguise while dancing in front of a green screen of cars driving by on a highway. There is also a tape of me singing “Tomorrow” from Annie when I was about 16, with my 6-year-old brother. I apparently got really into it, and he has on numerous occasions threatened to release this on youtube. If he does so, I will no longer have a brother.

12) From an athletic standpoint, I have the dangerous combination of the speed of a chunky 43-year-old and the mindset of a fearless 18-year-old. A couple years ago, I tore my labrum sliding into home my first inning back from a glute injury (also caused by this dangerous combination). I was out by about 5 feet on the play. I will probably never play softball again, as I am clearly a hazard to myself.

13) I have playlists counting down my favorite songs for every year of my life, from 1970 to 2013, on my iTunes. I also have a Top 40 of all time, and Top 40 lists from each decade of my life. My number ones per decade: Dreams by Fleetwood Mac for the 1970s; Voices Carry by ’til Tuesday from the 1980s; Freedom 90 by George Michael from the 1990s; and Go or Go Ahead by Rufus Wainwright from the 2000s. So far for the 2010s, Oh My by Haley Reinhart would be the number one song.

So now you know more about me than you probably wanted to know. Now go buy my books, please. So I can stop frightening people off with my belly dancing.

Derrick Gordon: Out!

The family keeps growing. This morning, Outsports published a beautiful article in which UMass shooting guard Derrick Gordon came out as gay, becoming the first Division I men’s basketball player to come out.

My first thought as I read the article was that Gordon is very brave and he sounds like someone I’d really like. The second was that soon this will not be newsworthy. 

And that’s what we’re going for. When ignorant people who don’t understand what it’s like not to be able to be yourself openly say, “Why is this news?”,  they aren’t completely off. I mean, they are off in that it is news. Of course it’s news when someone becomes the first gay anything. If it wasn’t newsworthy, if it didn’t require incredible courage, someone would have done it already. For crying out loud, if you’re gay in Uganda, you can be jailed or killed. In many countries that’s the case. In this country, states are still grappling with laws that would give gay people equal rights, meaning that gay people remain second class citizens here. So yes, it’s totally news. But they are right in that it SHOULDN’T be news. We ALL want this to not be news.

The world will be a better place when sexual orientation is no big deal. We just have to get there first, and the way we get there is for brave people like Gordon to come out. As the family expands, as we as a society become more comfortable with the fact that some people are this, and some people are that, and it’s no big deal, this will fade into the background.

As Rafe finds out in Openly Straight, it’s not fair that the label “gay” overshadows everything else. But until it doesn’t, that’s our cross to bear.  

“It gets rather lonely in the closet…”

I got a comment on my blog this morning that is really more of a letter, and it’s haunting me. I am going to post the entire letter (which is BEAUTIFULLY written, oh my God), and then I’m going to respond as best I can.

—-

Hey Bill,

It’s 2:30 in the morning where I am. I just finished Openly Straight a few hours ago and can’t stop thinking about it. I bought it on my Kindle last week and began reading it in secret (you can probably figure out why), and have no one to talk to about it. I want to let you know I truly enjoyed it and related to it on so many levels I can’t begin to explain. I won’t mince words: As soon as reached the last page, I came here in search of hints for a sequel. I mean, there has to be a sequel. There just has to be more! The open ending Rafe left us with made me feeling a little… hollow. Don’t get me wrong, I love Rafe and his story and am touched by his journey to find his identity. But, personally, I don’t identify with him. I identify with Ben.

In another comment, a user named @Makaila offered the idea of exploring Ben’s point of view, and I really hope you consider it. His story truly struck an emotional chord with me that’s still ringing as I write this. When I reached the moment when Ben opened up about his parents, his future and what the whole world expects from him, I felt as though someone had pulled these thoughts out of my head and printed them, and I had to close the book a moment and look around the room to see if anyone else was around that might discover my secret. I share his fears, his confusion, and his pain. I’m a little older though, a freshman in college. But I’m so deep in the closet that I have a hard time admitting it to myself.

Rafe’s story, on the other hand, is rare: he has a wonderfully supportive family, a best friend he can share anything with, and support groups that don’t judge him. But many of us aren’t as lucky. Many of us are still floating around, putting on acts and trying on different layers of skin in hopes of hiding from who we really are. Like Ben, I’ve done a decent job so far in my life, but it hasn’t made me happy. It gets rather lonely in the closet, and sometimes I wish I at least had somebody to share it with. That’s why I related with Ben, and in some ways was leaning on him, hoping that he might eventually find his way out and stand up to the world. That he’d step out say, “Hey, everything gonna be alright.” And I would want so much to believe him.

But he never did. In fact, he’s still very much afraid and confused as ever, and now feels absolutely betrayed by the only person he was honest to. During their final conversation, Ben says he can’t say if he was glad to have met Rafe after everything they had been through. This worries me so much. As I lay in bed, wondering about future relationships, I asked myself: Is it even worth the risks? Would I end up regretting it, too? How will I know if I can trust them? When will I ever decide if it’s the right time or if it’s a mistake?

And then I had this scary thought that if someone like Ben can’t find the courage to come out and accept who he is, maybe I never will either.

And I am scared. But that isn’t your fault. I’ve been scared for a long time.

This is a sad note to end on, but I still have a lot of time to figure things out. And Ben does too. And I really hope he does.

–

Dear X,

First off, your letter made me cry. I am crying right now. I am crying for your pain and for the fact that it’s so unfair that as far as we’ve come, many gay people still find themselves feeling the way that you do now. You are not alone. You are surrounded by literally millions of people who share your story and your feelings.

Your letter does end on a sad note, but to me, it’s a lot like the ending of Openly Straight. For some reason, I see hope there. I see a great future for you beyond the current turmoil. It’s never, ever too late to come out. To come out is to finally decide that you paid as much for your ticket to this carnival called life as everyone else, and you’ll be damned if you’re not going to enjoy it just as much as everyone else.

You are a college freshman now. I can tell you that when I was a college freshman, I was severely depressed, so much so that in the spring of that year I withdrew from college and came home. That was my story. We all have our stories and our paths. The point is that at the time it consumed me and now I barely remember those feelings. We evolve and we keep going because we have absolutely no idea what our future holds, and we deserve to find out!

I tell you that not to tell you not to feel the feelings, but to give you perspective while you’re feeling them. That old adage “it gets better” is so apt. It just does. If we wish for our lives to get better, there are certain choices we can make to make that happen.

While my story was more Rafe than Ben (I came out a bit in high school, a bit more in college, I had some family support though not so much at first), I can relate to the loneliness you write about, and most of us can. Even for the Rafes of the world, that confusion and pain about being different than our families of origin is a part of the process. And it sucks, doesn’t it?

For me, the antidote was sharing who I was with other people. Some people come out in one broad stroke. I came out sporadically. I told some friends starting when I was 15 or 16; I told my family when I was 16-18; I joined the gay softball league when I was 20. I got my first real long-term boyfriend when I was 21. I didn’t come out professionally until I was at ESPN.com, and by then I was 30. I was scared my dream of being a sports writer would be taken away from me if I was honest about who I was.

That didn’t happen. I was able to continue in my field, and in fact coming out opened some doors for me. If I didn’t come out on the front page of ESPN.com in 2001, I may never have gotten to where I am now. It led to my first book, which led to my second, etc.

See the ripples? One act impacts my life completely, and that in turn impacts yours. Your act of coming out, when you are ready, may impact others.

You say you relate to Ben. Ben is based loosely on my husband, Chuck. He didn’t fully come out until he was 43. He came out when he was finally ready to have his first boyfriend (me). Then he decided that he could tell his family, co-workers, etc. His life is so different today than before I met him. I’m not taking credit for that; he gets the credit. He was honest about who he is, and now he’s enjoying the carnival more freely.

You say you want one person to share this with: good. That’s a beautiful instinct. Of course, that becomes easier when we let other people know who we are, so it’s a bit of a vicious circle. We want to share it with one person, but finding that one person is tough if we don’t identify ourselves as gay.

One practical thing about coming out, since I really don’t know your situation: make sure you surround yourself with a support system before you do anything that could endanger your safety. If you have parents paying for your schooling and you truly fear that they would stop paying if they knew you were gay, know that. Start by telling people you trust whom you think will support you. Gain strength that way. And I’m not saying your parents would do that; I’m just saying that our first responsibility is to ourselves. We take care of ourselves first, and that’s different than coming out when you’re older and financially independent.

There is a whole world out there who will love you for exactly who you are. You know how I know? From your writing. I felt your heart in your note and this is my heart, and my husband’s heart, opening up to yours. We are rooting for you.

I’m sorry that I’m not focusing more on the sequel, but I’ve dealt with that so much already. In short: I hope that someday, in some form, there is more of this story. Maybe that will be a TV show, or a film, or a web-series, or a written sequel. There is nothing to announce at this time, but I hope someday there will be!

With Love,

Bill

And the writer doesn’t sleep because…

This is one of those rare periods where I am actively involved in four projects.

I am re-reading, for the first time in years, Out of the Pocket, so that I may add a chapter or two to the paperback, which I am self-publishing in April.
I am actively living Openly Straight. In a couple days I will go to the Tucson Festival of Books, where I will do panels with some of my favorite writers — Laurie Halse Anderson and Benjamin Alire Saenz.
I am awaiting comments on the second draft of The Porcupine of Truth, which is with my editor at Scholastic. If all goes well, I will finalize that manuscript by June.
I am putting together an outline and sample chapters for my next novel, with the hope that I will sell it this spring/summer and start publishing a book a year.

Being involved in four such projects at once allows me an interesting perspective on my own craft and career trajectory.

Out of the Pocket, now that I re-read it, is a first novel about which I am extremely proud. The voice is strong, the story somewhat straightforward. I remember racing through the first draft back in 2003, and now I can see why I kept being propelled forward. It’s a good story. I wanted to write more, because I wanted to know what happens next.

My favorite critique of Openly Straight is one I get quite frequently — it’s more complicated than it appears at first blush. It’s a funny book that packs a punch. It says something new in a new way, and it works because I didn’t really know when I started what I was writing about. I learned as I went along, much like the E.L. Doctorow quote Mr. Scarborough uses in the novel about writing being an exploration. I learned a lot by writing that book. The premise may sound one note, but there’s no question there’s all sorts of interesting stuff under the surface.

If Out of the Pocket is a lovely piano solo, Openly Straight is a string quartet.

Enter The Porcupine of Truth. My first concerto.

There’s a lot going on in this next book, and that may be one reason my sleep has been so agitated recently.

The problem with writing a concerto is that it’s messier than a piece with one — or four — moving parts. There’s no question that the degree of difficulty has gone up with this next novel. It’s funny and it’s sad and it’s about, you know, the little things: God, family, death, disconnection, connection, kindness, humor, race, sexual orientation, neglect, the sins of the father, the sins of the grandfather.

Part of me thinks it’s the novel that will take me to the next level; part of me is afraid that people won’t understand why I didn’t write another Openly Straight. I should hear back from my editor about this one within a few weeks, and that will help me know a bit more about how well I orchestrated all of these ideas/thoughts that were going on in my head. I happen to think it’s pretty damn good. Who knows? It could be a classic. It could be a disaster. It’s probably somewhere in between. 

Which brings me to the new project. Someone smart recently said something to me about the most important question in life, and it’s one that translates into career:

“What do you want?”

The problem is, when it comes to my career, I want so many things:

to be universally loved
to be authentic
to make people laugh
to make people cry
to write for myself
to help teens
to grow as a writer
to grow as a person
to write something that sells well
to write something that helps me get another book contract
to write books that survive long after I’m gone

That’s quite a lot of wants to orchestrate! And while I’m crazy, I’m not so crazy that I don’t get that some of this is beyond my control. I need to focus on the process more than the outcome. But at the same time, I get to choose the process. And some of those choices dictate my chances at attaining what is beyond my control.

When you write a book outline and sell a project, what you’re really doing is sealing your fate for the next year. These will be the characters you spend time with the next year. These will be the issues you think about for the next year. You will live with them. Also, these will be your kids forever if it all works out. The result, a book, will be part of your legacy. It’s a lot to think about.

And for me: this is the book that people will see after Porcupine. Which means, after the concerto. Should it be a bigger concerto? Should it be more simple? Should it be heavy? Light? Both?

Is it possible to write a book a year, and have each book be increasingly more complex?

Is it possible to write a book a year, and have each book be better loved than the last?

Is it possible to have a career trajectory that keeps going up?

Will I love everything I write equally?

Who am I trying to impress?

I have tasks on all four books today, and I’ll be tired as I do them. It’s hard to sleep sometimes with all these questions flurrying through your brain. It’s hard to rest when your destination is entirely unknown.

 

 

Five Side-Effects of Winning the Sid Fleischman Humor Award

So yes, OPENLY STRAIGHT has won the prestigious Sid Fleischman Humor Award!

That was quite the news to receive. I was in a coffee shop when I got the call, and I went airborne. For a 43-year-old balding man with limited jumping ability, this is not a great look.

I called my mother to tell her.

“Human?”

“Humor,” I said.

“Human?”

“HUMOR.”

“Humor award?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

I then told my husband that I had gotten the call about the award. He was thrilled. Two days later, my SCBWI membership renewed, and I put it on our accounting software. Chuck saw the charge and came in to the kitchen.

“Bill, are you sure you won and it wasn’t just a call to get you to re-up your membership?”

I imagined me as the father from Nebraska, walking East along the highway from Billings with a Publisher’s Clearinghouse letter that says “You may be a winner” in my pocket.

These flattering reactions aside, I am utterly ecstatic to win this award. Thank you SO MUCH to the fine folks at SCBWI for choosing Openly Straight. I am struggling to find the words to show my gratitude, so I will simply repeat, “Thank you.”

Here are five things in my life that will change right away, now that I am an “Award-winning humorist.”

1. When jokes fall flat from now on, I will follow-up by saying, “…Said the award-winning humorist.”

2. I will have tons of in-jokes with myself, like “The elevator man’s shoes,” and “Sarah wore it best.”

3. I will wax philosophical about humor over interminable dinners with friends, using terms like “oeuvre” and “assonance.” 

4. I will lose a lot of friends.

5. People will expect me to be funny in person, and they will be, 85% of the time, sorely disappointed.