Dianne Bright's Blog - Posts Tagged "dads"
Moms Mysteriously Gone Missing
Parenting Tip: Your hard work will pay off; someday your kids will take care of you.
Sometimes it feels that your own identity has gone missing, like you’re one of those puppies on the mailboxes shouting out “Reward, $150.” You know your life is moving forward on the calendar, but you question what you’re actually accomplishing during this busy season.
The mortgage slowly gets paid down, the cars are both running, and most of your basic needs and wants are met. But caring for everyone else around the clock 24-7 leaves you feeling a bit lost in the midst of the chaos.
In spite of your best efforts to juggle it all, it can feel like you're getting a busy signal or an out-of-office auto email response. As moms, our lives have been put on hold, and we can't seem to reconcile the fact that another year has just flown by.
Most moms can relate to the automated operator who plays that annoying music after giving you twelve prompts to choose from five different languages. You’ve been waiting for twenty minutes before realizing you’ve chosen the wrong prompt. It’s not that you planned to lose yourself in so many ways; it just sort of happened.
Here are three ways that moms feel their lives have been temporarily suspended.
First, moms lose a sense of their calendars. It seems unbelievable that school starts at the same time every year and before you know it, everyone is attending the year-end luau party. Included in this super time warp is the involuntary donation of your own personal schedule.
This includes a variety of activities from taxi-cabbing the kids all over town, volunteering at school(s), doing non-stop laundry (especially during baseball season), and grocery shopping, etc. You may not remember what it feels like to eat your toast and to drink your coffee while they’re still hot because your schedule doesn’t really include time for "just you" anymore.
Second, you no longer have any personal privacy. I thought it sounded funny when other moms would talk about how they couldn't even go to the bathroom by themselves anymore. But with three kids of my own now, I totally understand what that means.
Then, there's the family bed where the little ones run in with nightmares, hunger pains, a bloody nose, a request for help with potty-duties, and a plethora of other excuses. Taking a bath has become a limited luxury as well. As soon as they see me in the tub, they launch over the side like little seals (*this was written when mine were little). Then I end up getting out so they can play with the bubbles, LOL.
The third way that life has changed is by the loss of your own farfetched dreams. Wanting to attend culinary school, to visit fabulous gardens in Versailles, or the goal of running a marathon can all get pushed to the sidelines. Now, it’s all about supporting their future aspirations.
Is there really any way you could fit in French lessons or a fancy trip to Paris just for yourself? What about that dream to write a book or to start your own business? In between helping the kids with art projects and packing lunches and snacks for the day's outings, it seems there isn’t really any time for your own dreamy objectives.
But don’t despair. The amazing thing about moms (and dads) is that despite these seemingly large losses, we see them as huge gains. Our crazy little thieves of space and time are the most valuable people in our lives, so we press on and stay the course even when quitting sometimes feels like the easiest response.
Instead of being angry and hostile at what we've put on hold, we plan more meals and give out more hugs. We buy more Band-Aids and more chocolate milk. We're selfless servants, even though our jobs are really hard and underappreciated.
Remember that this is just a season and someday we’ll get back to putting ourselves first. Besides, one day in the not too distant future, our kids will be taking care of us.
Excerpt from: Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse--- With a Glass of Merlot
Bright has written for a variety of magazines and professional blogs, including Scholastic's Parent & Child. Her first novel, SOUL READER, came out in April, 2015. Her second novel, BLOOD TOWERS, comes out at the end of this year.
Sometimes it feels that your own identity has gone missing, like you’re one of those puppies on the mailboxes shouting out “Reward, $150.” You know your life is moving forward on the calendar, but you question what you’re actually accomplishing during this busy season.
The mortgage slowly gets paid down, the cars are both running, and most of your basic needs and wants are met. But caring for everyone else around the clock 24-7 leaves you feeling a bit lost in the midst of the chaos.
In spite of your best efforts to juggle it all, it can feel like you're getting a busy signal or an out-of-office auto email response. As moms, our lives have been put on hold, and we can't seem to reconcile the fact that another year has just flown by.
Most moms can relate to the automated operator who plays that annoying music after giving you twelve prompts to choose from five different languages. You’ve been waiting for twenty minutes before realizing you’ve chosen the wrong prompt. It’s not that you planned to lose yourself in so many ways; it just sort of happened.
Here are three ways that moms feel their lives have been temporarily suspended.
First, moms lose a sense of their calendars. It seems unbelievable that school starts at the same time every year and before you know it, everyone is attending the year-end luau party. Included in this super time warp is the involuntary donation of your own personal schedule.
This includes a variety of activities from taxi-cabbing the kids all over town, volunteering at school(s), doing non-stop laundry (especially during baseball season), and grocery shopping, etc. You may not remember what it feels like to eat your toast and to drink your coffee while they’re still hot because your schedule doesn’t really include time for "just you" anymore.
Second, you no longer have any personal privacy. I thought it sounded funny when other moms would talk about how they couldn't even go to the bathroom by themselves anymore. But with three kids of my own now, I totally understand what that means.
Then, there's the family bed where the little ones run in with nightmares, hunger pains, a bloody nose, a request for help with potty-duties, and a plethora of other excuses. Taking a bath has become a limited luxury as well. As soon as they see me in the tub, they launch over the side like little seals (*this was written when mine were little). Then I end up getting out so they can play with the bubbles, LOL.
The third way that life has changed is by the loss of your own farfetched dreams. Wanting to attend culinary school, to visit fabulous gardens in Versailles, or the goal of running a marathon can all get pushed to the sidelines. Now, it’s all about supporting their future aspirations.
Is there really any way you could fit in French lessons or a fancy trip to Paris just for yourself? What about that dream to write a book or to start your own business? In between helping the kids with art projects and packing lunches and snacks for the day's outings, it seems there isn’t really any time for your own dreamy objectives.
But don’t despair. The amazing thing about moms (and dads) is that despite these seemingly large losses, we see them as huge gains. Our crazy little thieves of space and time are the most valuable people in our lives, so we press on and stay the course even when quitting sometimes feels like the easiest response.
Instead of being angry and hostile at what we've put on hold, we plan more meals and give out more hugs. We buy more Band-Aids and more chocolate milk. We're selfless servants, even though our jobs are really hard and underappreciated.
Remember that this is just a season and someday we’ll get back to putting ourselves first. Besides, one day in the not too distant future, our kids will be taking care of us.
Excerpt from: Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse--- With a Glass of Merlot
Bright has written for a variety of magazines and professional blogs, including Scholastic's Parent & Child. Her first novel, SOUL READER, came out in April, 2015. Her second novel, BLOOD TOWERS, comes out at the end of this year.
To Caff or Not to Caff?
Parenting Tip: Do what it takes to get the job done. Coffee helps.
"To be, or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles..." and yadda-yadda-yadda. Shakespeare was going somewhere deep with his existentialist quandary in Hamlet.
But my question as a mom of three school-aged kids is way more simplistic: "To caff or not to caff?" I've gone back and forth you know, switching between caffeinated coffee and decaf.
And I've concluded that I really do need at least one big mug of strong caffeinated coffee to make it through the morning. By the afternoon, I'm pretty good with a tall glass of ice-filled Coke (which my dentist dissuades me from drinking) or unsweetened iced tea.
Let's face it Moms and Dads, how else are we supposed to get through the day without the caffeine? When I try to switch back to decaf, I feel like my brain goes on vacay to some tropical island, which sounds pretty pleasant except for the fact that I actually have to stay awake to do laundry, taxi-cab, create snacks, and help my kiddos with homework.
Oddly, my husband noticed a personality change when I stopped drinking so much coffee between graduate programs. I think he liked the decaf-me better, but like I said, it's pretty much a non-negotiable.
My doctor encourages me to limit my caffeine intake as well, since too much caffeine adds a lot of stress to our bodies, as evidenced by the low that hits around eleven o'clock when the body and brain cry out for a refill.
Plus caffeine can of course make you a bit jittery too, which has personality changing implications. Then again, if it makes you more animated and enthusiastic, that could be a good thing, right?
For some of the active thinkers out there, also known as "worriers," also known as “moms” (dads are off the hook on this one and could stand to worry a little bit more), caffeine can keep you awake at night, if you drink coffee too late in the day. But, if you're like most parents of younger kids, you're so tired that you can hardly even keep your eyes open by the time you collapse into bed around midnight.
The real question is whether or not caffeine makes you happy. For me, it's not possible to quit drinking caffeinated coffee at this point in my life. I'm happier when I drink it because I feel more normal. For example, it helps me to keep my checkbook up to date and keeps my mind going so I can actually finish editing a plethora of current writing projects.
Coffee's bold aroma makes me sing a joyful tune as I hear the drum beat of my coffee maker in the morning. Those first few sips of hot brew are gentle reminders that each new day starts with a clean slate, so I can let go of yesterday’s shortcomings.
Just like most things in life, you have to weigh the pros and cons. For me the pros for drinking caffeinated coffee outweigh the cons, so I'm going to keep on brewing the caff. “To caff or not to caff?” is up to you, but for me, it's a no-brainer.
Dianne Bright spent two years writing for Scholastic's Parent & Child mag and blog and published SOUL READER in April, 2015. For more essays like this one, check out
Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse--- With a Glass of Merlot
"To be, or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles..." and yadda-yadda-yadda. Shakespeare was going somewhere deep with his existentialist quandary in Hamlet.
But my question as a mom of three school-aged kids is way more simplistic: "To caff or not to caff?" I've gone back and forth you know, switching between caffeinated coffee and decaf.
And I've concluded that I really do need at least one big mug of strong caffeinated coffee to make it through the morning. By the afternoon, I'm pretty good with a tall glass of ice-filled Coke (which my dentist dissuades me from drinking) or unsweetened iced tea.
Let's face it Moms and Dads, how else are we supposed to get through the day without the caffeine? When I try to switch back to decaf, I feel like my brain goes on vacay to some tropical island, which sounds pretty pleasant except for the fact that I actually have to stay awake to do laundry, taxi-cab, create snacks, and help my kiddos with homework.
Oddly, my husband noticed a personality change when I stopped drinking so much coffee between graduate programs. I think he liked the decaf-me better, but like I said, it's pretty much a non-negotiable.
My doctor encourages me to limit my caffeine intake as well, since too much caffeine adds a lot of stress to our bodies, as evidenced by the low that hits around eleven o'clock when the body and brain cry out for a refill.
Plus caffeine can of course make you a bit jittery too, which has personality changing implications. Then again, if it makes you more animated and enthusiastic, that could be a good thing, right?
For some of the active thinkers out there, also known as "worriers," also known as “moms” (dads are off the hook on this one and could stand to worry a little bit more), caffeine can keep you awake at night, if you drink coffee too late in the day. But, if you're like most parents of younger kids, you're so tired that you can hardly even keep your eyes open by the time you collapse into bed around midnight.
The real question is whether or not caffeine makes you happy. For me, it's not possible to quit drinking caffeinated coffee at this point in my life. I'm happier when I drink it because I feel more normal. For example, it helps me to keep my checkbook up to date and keeps my mind going so I can actually finish editing a plethora of current writing projects.
Coffee's bold aroma makes me sing a joyful tune as I hear the drum beat of my coffee maker in the morning. Those first few sips of hot brew are gentle reminders that each new day starts with a clean slate, so I can let go of yesterday’s shortcomings.
Just like most things in life, you have to weigh the pros and cons. For me the pros for drinking caffeinated coffee outweigh the cons, so I'm going to keep on brewing the caff. “To caff or not to caff?” is up to you, but for me, it's a no-brainer.
Dianne Bright spent two years writing for Scholastic's Parent & Child mag and blog and published SOUL READER in April, 2015. For more essays like this one, check out
Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse--- With a Glass of Merlot
There's Always Time for One More Kiss
Parenting/Marriage Tip: Never turn down a hug or kiss from a loved one.
As I raced off to my step class, already ten minutes late, my husband allowed the kids to run out to my car for one more kiss. I begrudgingly puckered up my lips as each one of my three kids excitedly craned their necks up to my window (this was back when they were little; now my son is taller than I am). My youngest could hardly reach my lips, as I giraffed my neck out to meet hers.
After driving off one minute later, I realized how silly my attitude had been. I was ashamed that I'd felt too busy to accept enthusiastic kisses from my kids. Life is way too short to postpone hugs or kisses from anyone important to us. There's always time for one more kiss.
If your spouse wants to snuggle for ten more minutes, the other stuff can wait. If your kids want to kick the soccer ball out in the backyard for five more minutes, it's worth holding off on dinner for a little while. Even if your dog just wants to extend playing fetch in the morning before you head off to work, try to indulge her with the meaningful attention.
Love. Family. Laughter. These are the things we need to invest in—and what better way than through a hug or a kiss? They sort of just happen during serendipitous moments throughout the day. So if we don't slow down long enough to capture them, they disappear like time itself.
Some moments are priceless. When a butterfly floats by and we're too focused on the red light in front of us, we miss seeing the miracle that the caterpillar underwent. Or if we can’t make time for five-second kisses and one-minute hugs, especially with plump and expressive two-year-old lips, we miss out. The moment is gone!
As moms, we juggle so much that it's impossible to embrace every single special moment. Otherwise, tons of stuff wouldn't get done.
However, it's important to make time for one more kiss or one more special hug because someday, we may not get as many unsolicited offers. Let’s capture them now, so we can store them up in our treasure trove of memories.
*This essay is from Bright's book of parenting essays: Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse (With a Glass of Merlot). She wrote for Scholastic for 2 years and published her first novel, SOUL READER, in 2015. She recently finished writing her second novel, BLOOD TOWERS (coming soon), and enjoys reviewing James Patterson books, via his assistant, Sean.
Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse--- With a Glass of Merlot
As I raced off to my step class, already ten minutes late, my husband allowed the kids to run out to my car for one more kiss. I begrudgingly puckered up my lips as each one of my three kids excitedly craned their necks up to my window (this was back when they were little; now my son is taller than I am). My youngest could hardly reach my lips, as I giraffed my neck out to meet hers.
After driving off one minute later, I realized how silly my attitude had been. I was ashamed that I'd felt too busy to accept enthusiastic kisses from my kids. Life is way too short to postpone hugs or kisses from anyone important to us. There's always time for one more kiss.
If your spouse wants to snuggle for ten more minutes, the other stuff can wait. If your kids want to kick the soccer ball out in the backyard for five more minutes, it's worth holding off on dinner for a little while. Even if your dog just wants to extend playing fetch in the morning before you head off to work, try to indulge her with the meaningful attention.
Love. Family. Laughter. These are the things we need to invest in—and what better way than through a hug or a kiss? They sort of just happen during serendipitous moments throughout the day. So if we don't slow down long enough to capture them, they disappear like time itself.
Some moments are priceless. When a butterfly floats by and we're too focused on the red light in front of us, we miss seeing the miracle that the caterpillar underwent. Or if we can’t make time for five-second kisses and one-minute hugs, especially with plump and expressive two-year-old lips, we miss out. The moment is gone!
As moms, we juggle so much that it's impossible to embrace every single special moment. Otherwise, tons of stuff wouldn't get done.
However, it's important to make time for one more kiss or one more special hug because someday, we may not get as many unsolicited offers. Let’s capture them now, so we can store them up in our treasure trove of memories.
*This essay is from Bright's book of parenting essays: Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse (With a Glass of Merlot). She wrote for Scholastic for 2 years and published her first novel, SOUL READER, in 2015. She recently finished writing her second novel, BLOOD TOWERS (coming soon), and enjoys reviewing James Patterson books, via his assistant, Sean.
Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse--- With a Glass of Merlot
Never Give Up!
Most people haven't heard of me as a mainstream author yet, and I'm okay with being an indie gal. But sometimes, it's just nice to feel noticed.
This happened after one of my Barnes & Noble book signing events for my first novel, SOUL READER. A lady came up to me in the bathroom asking, "Aren't you the lady from that book signing event?" I almost died from shock, giving a shy, "Yeah, that was me."
Occasionally someone who isn't from my extended family or my local friend-base will bump into me, sharing, "I really liked your book," which is cool too. But, the truth is, for the most part, I'm just that gal who blends in with the crowd.
Are you connecting with me now? Do you ever feel small and insignificant, like "What big accomplishment can I even do/make before I die?"
But hold on, what was the title again? Oh yeah... my point for fellow readers and authors: NEVER GIVE UP! Whatever you're doing in life. Regardless of what you earn. No matter where you live. Or what you look like. Or how smart you feel. Or what you believe other people think about you.
This especially applies to moms--EXCLAMATION MARK! I love to remind us that our lives matter too. Just for bringing little people into this world and raising them with a smile most days.
Sometimes, amidst the piles of laundry and dishes, our dreams get set on the back-burner. We get behind on our to-do lists and our reading piles as well.
As a line from my upcoming young adult novel says, "Dreams fuel the world." The mom tells her son those words to remind him she believes in him. So, don't let your dreams fade too far away. Sure, it's okay to put them off for a while. But if you wait too long, they might never resurface.
What if they could have been possible, if you simply hadn't given up? It's a message we need to pass along to our kids as well. But, is ANYTHING actually possible, or is that an unrealistic message to pass on to the little ones we love? "Here, kids-- drink the Kool Aid," even as chaos and destruction seem the only constants in our world.
Well, even if some things may not feel possible, I'd rather teach them to reach for the stars, instead of doing nothing to make it a better place. Seeking the impossible could be the very thing each one of us needs to get started on the right path.
We can even shoot for the stars by starting off small; then, we can reach for the next one; then the one after that. All of a sudden, we might just see a sky full of wishes, lighting our way.
"But, writing a whole book?" you might ask. "That's so many words." My upcoming young adult novel is 68,470 words, but it never felt too overwhelming, because I simply wrote one word at a time.
One more thing--NEVER GIVE UP! Oh wait, I think I said that already. :0)
*Dianne Bright is the author of SOUL READER and SOUL JUMPER. She has written for a variety of magazines, including Scholastic's Parent and Child. For similar essays, check out her digital parenting book: MOMMY'S HIDING IN THE TREEHOUSE (With a Glass of Merlot).
Soul Reader
This happened after one of my Barnes & Noble book signing events for my first novel, SOUL READER. A lady came up to me in the bathroom asking, "Aren't you the lady from that book signing event?" I almost died from shock, giving a shy, "Yeah, that was me."
Occasionally someone who isn't from my extended family or my local friend-base will bump into me, sharing, "I really liked your book," which is cool too. But, the truth is, for the most part, I'm just that gal who blends in with the crowd.
Are you connecting with me now? Do you ever feel small and insignificant, like "What big accomplishment can I even do/make before I die?"
But hold on, what was the title again? Oh yeah... my point for fellow readers and authors: NEVER GIVE UP! Whatever you're doing in life. Regardless of what you earn. No matter where you live. Or what you look like. Or how smart you feel. Or what you believe other people think about you.
This especially applies to moms--EXCLAMATION MARK! I love to remind us that our lives matter too. Just for bringing little people into this world and raising them with a smile most days.
Sometimes, amidst the piles of laundry and dishes, our dreams get set on the back-burner. We get behind on our to-do lists and our reading piles as well.
As a line from my upcoming young adult novel says, "Dreams fuel the world." The mom tells her son those words to remind him she believes in him. So, don't let your dreams fade too far away. Sure, it's okay to put them off for a while. But if you wait too long, they might never resurface.
What if they could have been possible, if you simply hadn't given up? It's a message we need to pass along to our kids as well. But, is ANYTHING actually possible, or is that an unrealistic message to pass on to the little ones we love? "Here, kids-- drink the Kool Aid," even as chaos and destruction seem the only constants in our world.
Well, even if some things may not feel possible, I'd rather teach them to reach for the stars, instead of doing nothing to make it a better place. Seeking the impossible could be the very thing each one of us needs to get started on the right path.
We can even shoot for the stars by starting off small; then, we can reach for the next one; then the one after that. All of a sudden, we might just see a sky full of wishes, lighting our way.
"But, writing a whole book?" you might ask. "That's so many words." My upcoming young adult novel is 68,470 words, but it never felt too overwhelming, because I simply wrote one word at a time.
One more thing--NEVER GIVE UP! Oh wait, I think I said that already. :0)
*Dianne Bright is the author of SOUL READER and SOUL JUMPER. She has written for a variety of magazines, including Scholastic's Parent and Child. For similar essays, check out her digital parenting book: MOMMY'S HIDING IN THE TREEHOUSE (With a Glass of Merlot).
Soul Reader
