Jennifer Thomson's Blog, page 29
January 9, 2012
The angry writer
I said 'I need a picture of an angry lady, not an angry baby.' Oh well, this will have to do.
Instead of doing New Year's resolutions that I'll probably break anyway, I thought I'd take this time to reflect upon the bane of many folk's lives – crap customer service from so called big name companies. The kind of stuff that takes you away from writing.
Bit late you might think to mention New Year's resolutions. But there's a reason for that. Well two reasons.
I've been without the Internet for over a month.
The first and most important reason for that is BT. The letters used to stand for British Telecom. Now the T stands for terrible service and the B stands for what they used to nastily refer to children without fathers.
You see, in the modern era, the once great BT can't put a telephone in my new flat for over a month. That means NO landline (which concerns me greatly as my dad has bone cancer and mobile phones aren't 100 percent reliable) and NO internet.
There's a phone line in my property, but it's 'the wrong kind' of phone line apparently. If you don't come from the UK, you won't know this, but 'the wrong kind' is a phrase they trot out whenever things don't work like the trains. Hence the reason the trains aren't running is because there are 'the wrong kind of leaves on the line.'
To go online, I would have used one of the handful of dongles I bought that supposedly will allow me to us mobile broadband, but none of them get a signal decent enough to take less than 20 minutes to load a web page full of rubbish ads and pathetic pictures.
Next on my hitlist is Orange. Why is it so difficult to speak to someone in customer service who doesn't mangle the English language (I'm talking about British people, here)/sound like they have nasal congestion/thinks because you have a Scottish accent you are speaking Swahili. Apologies to anyone who speaks Swahili. I've heard it's a beautiful language.
After ten minutes of trying to get the person to understand my flat number – It's 10E – I finally gave up. Decided to do it online using my phone.
I had a lot of fun trying to put some money on my Orange phone on New Year's day. Shops were shut. ATM Machine not one you can put money on your phone with. New credit card because someone tried to tan (use it on a spending spree) just before Christmas, so couldn't top up the normal way. (Cheers, mate – hope you end up with a turkey rammed up your jacksy.)
As for the sick, perverted monster who invented Captacha (had to use that in a vain attempt to top up my account online), is it just me, or are the letters, numbers and occasional punctuation just a load of rubbish mashed the together that the human eye can barely see?
Footnote – I thought no Internet or phone line was bad enough, until the January storms came and with it went the electricity for THREE DAYS. With temperatures below zero in our home on an island, it was warmer outside.
On the plus side, I got to experience first hand what it would be like to live after a zombie apocalypse with no electricity, which came in very useful when writing Deid Bastards.
I said 'I need a picture of an angry lady, not an angry baby.' Oh well, this will have to do.
Instead of doing New Year's resolutions that I'll probably break anyway, I thought I'd take this time to reflect upon the bane of many folk's lives – crap customer service from so called big name companies. The kind of stuff that takes you away from writing.
Bit late you might think to mention New Year's resolutions. But there's a reason for that. Well two reasons.
I've been without the Internet for over a month.
The first and most important reason for that is BT. The letters used to stand for British Telecom. Now the T stands for terrible service and the B stands for what they used to nastily refer to children without fathers.
You see, in the modern era, the once great BT can't put a telephone in my new flat for over a month. That means NO landline (which concerns me greatly as my dad has bone cancer and mobile phones aren't 100 percent reliable) and NO internet.
There's a phone line in my property, but it's 'the wrong kind' of phone line apparently. If you don't come from the UK, you won't know this, but 'the wrong kind' is a phrase they trot out whenever things don't work like the trains. Hence the reason the trains aren't running is because there are 'the wrong kind of leaves on the line.'
To go online, I would have used one of the handful of dongles I bought that supposedly will allow me to us mobile broadband, but none of them get a signal decent enough to take less than 20 minutes to load a web page full of rubbish ads and pathetic pictures.
Next on my hitlist is Orange. Why is it so difficult to speak to someone in customer service who doesn't mangle the English language (I'm talking about British people, here)/sound like they have nasal congestion/thinks because you have a Scottish accent you are speaking Swahili. Apologies to anyone who speaks Swahili. I've heard it's a beautiful language.
After ten minutes of trying to get the person to understand my flat number – It's 10E – I finally gave up. Decided to do it online using my phone.
I had a lot of fun trying to put some money on my Orange phone on New Year's day. Shops were shut. ATM Machine not one you can put money on your phone with. New credit card because someone tried to tan (use it on a spending spree) just before Christmas, so couldn't top up the normal way. (Cheers, mate – hope you end up with a turkey rammed up your jacksy.)
As for the sick, perverted monster who invented Captacha (had to use that in a vain attempt to top up my account online), is it just me, or are the letters, numbers and occasional punctuation just a load of rubbish mashed the together that the human eye can barely see?
Footnote – I thought no Internet or phone line was bad enough, until the January storms came and with it went the electricity for THREE DAYS. With temperatures below zero in our home on an island, it was warmer outside.
On the plus side, I got to experience first hand what it would be like to live after a zombie apocalypse with no electricity, which came in very useful when writing Deid Bastards.
December 24, 2011
Could your publisher give your book away free?
The answer sadly in many cases is yes they can. And the real kicker is that they can do it without even telling you.
And you thought your relationship with your publisher was a partnership. At least I did.
Here's my tale of woe –
I found out through a message board I belong to that two self-help titles I wrote for Need2Know Books on bullying and caring for dogs were being given away free. This was news to me because I had a contract stating how much ebooks would cost and what my royalty percentage was.
Note it wasn't at the price of zero, royalty zero. Hey, I worked hard on those books. It was my name next to the copyright symbol. It was my hard toil that crafted the words, did the research. And in the case of my bullying book: spilt my guts.
Hey, I even worked hard to get reviews and some press coverage. Worked hard, when I could have been doing something else – like doing paid work to pay my bills that land on my doormat like bricks.
I contacted the Society of Authors and got advice. I was hoping they'd tell me that the publisher had no right to 1, give away my book free and 2, not tell me.
The news wasn't good. Apparently the clause in most publishing contracts that allows the publisher to set the price of the book also means they can give it away for hee-haw, nae money, feck all, free.
So, what have I learnt from this? Apart from the fact that this publisher showed a complete lack of common courtesy to their authors (I know of at least another dozen of their authors who were not made aware that their books were being given away free, including one who didn't even agree to their book being turned into an ebook) I can't stress this point enough -
Get it stipulated in your contract how many books can be given free and under what terms.
Footnote – when I contacted the publisher about what they were doing they claimed giving every one of their books away free was a 'marketing tool.' They had no idea how long they would give the books away gratis, but hoped it would boost sales of the traditional paper books.
I disagree with that. Why if people are getting books free will they pay for them? The answer is they won't. Not unless you're an author writing a free book as a taster (say it's a book in a series or a short story featuring series characters like Freaks by Tess Gerritsen, which features Rizzoli and Isles).
Me? I feel like my pocket had been picked and it's pretty empty these days anyway.
December 12, 2011
Enemies of the writer
There are so many things that can stand in the way of your writing time. Know what they are and beat 'em.
The InternetDo you really need to find a present for Aunt Betty online, right this moment? Do you even have an Aunt Betty? If you really, really need to do research online, write a list of the things you need to know and tick them off as you answer them. Then turn the Internet OFF. Unless you do the Internet will eat away at your writing time.
HouseworkWhy is it always a case that when you actually have to sit down and write you suddenly decide to clean out the refrigerator/do the vacuuming/take a duster to the cobwebs that have been at that corner of the ceiling for years?
Perhaps if you're avoiding writing so often, you should ask yourself if you should be writing at all. A writer is someone who has a compulsion to write.
Reading other writers who make you feel like you don't deserve to kiss their pen. Hence the reason I'm not reading Stephen King's latest novel. He tells a great story and writes it well. I try to. I try to.
Games computer games, Internet games, card games, games you play in your head.Do you want to waste time that you could be writing finding hidden objects or getting solitaire out? Yet, we've all been there. Just don't get sucked in. If you must play games do it to give yourself a break after some kick ass writing.
Social networkingAre you genuinely making friends and sharing your writing woes or just killing time? Set yourself a decent amount of time to tweet, Facebook, Google or whatever. DO NOT EXCEED.
LazinessIs it really too difficult to get notepads, pens and station them around the house? Too much good writing and too many ideas are lost because you never wrote them down. If you're outside the home make sure you have something to capture your ideas. Many mobile phones have note functions and voice recorders. Use them.
Being a perfectionistStop expecting every word you write to be perfect - I have a habit of doing this. Get it down then edit/perfect it later. You can't expect to get your writing to flow if you keep on stopping every sentence to rewrite and rewrite.
Publishers I recently discovered (by accident) that the publisher of two of my self-help books, were giving them away free as ebooks without my knowledge. Whilst I was okay with them giving away e copies with the paperback version, I thought giving them away for heehaw was a step too far. I'm now taking legal advice.
Finding out about my hard work being exploited like that cost me a day's work and a week's worry. Then I realised that I was allowing this publisher to steal my writing time and I put a stop to it by sending off the corresepondance I needed and forgetting about it.
Note – Always male copies of every contract or commission form your received and keep them in a safe place. Also scan copies into your computer. It can be so easy to lose contracts when you move home.
December 8, 2011
What Katy did next
I was delighted to be asked over to Katy O'Dowd blog as a guest blogger where I talk about how research for books can put a strain on your relationship. Katy's honestly one of those people for whom the phrase 'I don't know how she does it' is made. Mum, journalist and fiction writer, she's so busy I don't know how she does it all.
So far (and I say so far because there's loads to come), Katy has 3 books coming out in 2012 -
The Lady Astronomer, Doctor Fantastique Books, 2012
The Scarlet Ribbon, The History Press Ireland, 2012 (writing as Derry O'Dowd)
Nasty Snips II, Pendragon Press, 2012 (Co-Editor)
Thanks Heath
I was delighted to be a guest blogger over at Heath Lowrance's Psycho-Noir. Heath is the author of the brilliantly titled The Bastard Hand.
If you fancy a gander at his awesome blog, why not mosie on over to http://psychonoir.blogspot.com/
You won't regret it.
December 5, 2011
The Point by Gerard Brennan
You know you're in a shed load of trouble when Mad Mickey wants a wee word, and that's the predicament scallywag Paul Morgan finds himself in at the start of The Point. Given a week to get out of Belfast by the 'hippy-gangster,' Morgan gets his brother Brian to flit with him to a place called Warrenpoint, hence the book's title.
He makes one wee mistake: pinching Mad Mickey's van and setting it alight. After he does that you know the Morgan boys are in for some bother.
The Point rattles along a good pace. The characters are well drawn, especially Mad Mickey the 'hippie-gangster' who sits cross legged on a beanbag in the back of a carpeted van, menacing folk under the glow from some lava lamps. And there's ballsy Rachel who's under 'court ordered' counselling for turning a mugger's Stanley Knife on him. Thank ye gods for a kick ass woman in a book who isn't cast in the victim role or as the eye candle.
The dialogue is crisp and realistic and at times you're chortling away to yourself like an eejit. Like when beleaguered Morgan asks what kind of mood Mickey is in. Go on, you know you want to say it.
Hats off to the writer too for not trying to anglicise/poncify his dialogue. His characters are from Northern Ireland, so why should they sound like they're presenting the news on the BBC?
The Point was an enjoyable read and I look forward to reading more from Mr Brennan.
Note – with its short chapters, The Point is perfect for reading on your Kindle.
The Point is published by Pulp Press both in traditional book form and on Kindle. Available from Amazon.
November 27, 2011
Publishing hits rock bottom
As writers we all struggle to get published. We toil all through the night when all sensible people are sleeping.
Our characters tug at our sleeves and lead us on a merry dance when we're meant to be concentrating on something else: life stuff like paying the bills and taking the rubbish out.
We don't have leisure time because we're too busy scribbling away.
We end up with back problems (from sitting hunched over our laptops or notebooks), relationship problems ('you care more about your writing than you do about me'), drink problems (there's a reason I'm teetotal) and some of us even end up relying on heavy duty narcotics (I'm not there, yet, but give me time).
Maybe we writers should be sending pictures of our bums to publishers instead of head shots
So nothing sticks in the craw more than reading that the publishing industry, who hand out meagre advances to writers (if they hand out advances at all) can somehow come up with bucket loads of cash to hand to 'celebrities' to supposedly write books.
Pippa Middleton is the latest to be given a book deal. According to reports she's been given a 400k book deal by Michael Joseph, an imprint of Penguin books to tell us how to be the perfect party hostess.
According to these reports, Pippa who's never so much as had an article published will write the book herself. It's up to you whether you believe that or not as most celebs get ghostwriters.
Ms Middleton is just the latest in a long line of 'celebrities' to get huge book deals and she won't be the last.
Footnote - If you have no idea who Pippa Middleton is, lucky you. She's the sister of Kate Middleton who married Prince William. She became famous because apparently she has a nice bottom.
Our characters tug at our sleeves and lead us on a merry dance when we're meant to be concentrating on something else: life stuff like paying the bills and taking the rubbish out.
We don't have leisure time because we're too busy scribbling away.
We end up with back problems (from sitting hunched over our laptops or notebooks), relationship problems ('you care more about your writing than you do about me'), drink problems (there's a reason I'm teetotal) and some of us even end up relying on heavy duty narcotics (I'm not there, yet, but give me time).
Maybe we writers should be sending pictures of our bums to publishers instead of head shots
So nothing sticks in the craw more than reading that the publishing industry, who hand out meagre advances to writers (if they hand out advances at all) can somehow come up with bucket loads of cash to hand to 'celebrities' to supposedly write books.
Pippa Middleton is the latest to be given a book deal. According to reports she's been given a 400k book deal by Michael Joseph, an imprint of Penguin books to tell us how to be the perfect party hostess.
According to these reports, Pippa who's never so much as had an article published will write the book herself. It's up to you whether you believe that or not as most celebs get ghostwriters.
Ms Middleton is just the latest in a long line of 'celebrities' to get huge book deals and she won't be the last.
Footnote - If you have no idea who Pippa Middleton is, lucky you. She's the sister of Kate Middleton who married Prince William. She became famous because apparently she has a nice bottom.
November 6, 2011
Publish and be damned (I was)
Today I learnt something new about myself. I am a racist. It came as a big of a shock because I'd no idea.
At least according to someone who posted a comment on the article I wrote for Shadowlocked, 8 British Shows the Americans couldn't do.
I didn't make any racist points. All I did was state that for various reasons there are some British shows that American TV couldn't make as well, mainly because of things like settings and American TV's perchance for guns.
But, that's the thing, once your work is out there – especially out there on the world wide web – you have no control over what people say and in this case what they post.
Does it make you angry and get you upset when you read criticism like that? Of course it does, but like a lot of things in life you just have to get used to it. People will always disagree with you and sometimes that will mean they get personal.
Do I think I'm a racist just because someone wrote it? Hey, if someone wrote I was a millionaire would it make it true?
October 27, 2011
What The Walking Dead needs to do to survive
I love zombies and like millions of other people I've been enjoying The Walking Dead.
In season 2 the viewing figures are way up on those for last season and there will now be a season 3, but like all good shows I think it could do with some improvements.
For one thing, not enough is being made of some characters - what has Glenn done in the first two episodes?
The zombie quotient could do with upping.
And, what's with the model perfect Lori Grimes?
I think the show needs some changes made and that's why I wrote 9 ways to keep us watching The Walking Dead over at Shadowlocked.
Why not check it out and leave your comments?
October 22, 2011
Give Me a British TV Classic Any Day
Could the Americans have done it any better?
In the UK we have a habit of knocking everything. We moan about the weather. Complain that the country's going downhill. Talk about emigrating to warmer safer climes.
Me, I don't get it. I love the weather. It's got character and I hate the heat. Living in Scotland I also think I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world.
But the one thing we shouldn't knock is the great British TV show. We have so many stand out shows that are uniquely British.
Sherlock. Doctor Who. The Office. Could the Americans, even with their big budgets do those shows justice? I don't think so.
That's why I decided to write a piece on 8 classic British shows America couldn't do for Shadowlocked.com
Why not have a wee read and see if you can you think of any more?
