J.L. Wilson's Blog: Why I'm not here often, page 19

It's almost here!

 
The formatting is done and all I have to do is upload it.
So hang on. The news will come soon:
Dorothy's story will be live! 

Nature Girl versus the Spider King

From time to time, I've written stories about Nature Girl (my alias). I wrote this one years ago, but in honor of the gynormous spider I stomped today, I bring you this blast from the past ....



NATURE GIRL vs. THE SPIDER KING


As all who know her know, Nature Girl has a Universal CARP: a Capture And Release Program. All creatures, great and small, are not killed, but are, rather, scooped up and relocated from the house (or wherever they are causing the annoyance) and deposited elsewhere.

All creatures, that is, who are not huge, menacing, and of the arachnid family. 

Arachnids from Hell are killed.

Early one morning, Nature Girl got up at her usual (godawful) hour, the moonlight streaming in her windows. She tucked her feet into her Genuine Maxine Bunny Slippers with floppy ears, dragged on the worn and ratty bathrobe (worn and ratty because the cats sleep on it and pound it into oblivion with sharp claws) over the old T-shirt she habitually wears to bed, and stumbled about the house doing Morning Ablutions. The Spousal Unit slept on, blissfully undisturbed. Keep in mind that the time is, approximately, 4:10 a.m. and because it is the Great Frozen Northland, it's chilly  because the furnace has just kicked back on after a night at rest.  It doesn't matter that it is the end of April; there is snow on the ground. And more snow in the forecast.

The cats, as was their wont, gently herded Nature Girl to the kitchen, but no Good Food (a.k.a., that enjoyed by felines) was to be had. So they herded her to the basement laundry room, home of Good Food, home of food such as Tuna Treat, and Turkey Kibble, and Seafood Feast. NG stumbled across the laundry room, scooped up two big kibble scoops from the kibble bin, turned, and saw

    The Spider King


(a switch in POV here. Sorry)

In the middle of the small throw rug (made by my own hands, I might add). I must have stepped over it (blessedly) on my bleary way to the kibble cache. There it sat. Or, rather, there it crouched. Menacing. Waving arms at me (multiple arms). Black. Large. Hairy (ok, maybe not hairy, but BIG). No exaggeration BIG. With the legs, at least 4" big. Noticeably BIG on an attractive pastel rug, crocheted by my own hands. Hell, it made the rug look small.

For those of you who are Hobbit fans, it was the Shelob of spiders, but unlike Bilbo, I didn't have a sword named Sting to help me (hell, I didn't even have a skinny white rock star named Sting to help me). No, all I had was a 3 oz. can of Fancy Feast, a broken iron, and bunny slippers. Soft bunny slppers. This thing looked like it had a carapace. Maybe if I had a 3-iron, a titanium 3-wood, or a bazooka, I might approach closer, but bunny slippers? No way.

As I stared in horror at the monstrosity, Scooter, the smallest (and the sweetest) of the cats, approached, yawning. Oh, look, she seemed to say. A large menacing thing on the rug, waving multiple arms and making Angry Fists. Obviously put there so I can prove my worth as a mighty hunter. I will stalk.  I will wiggle my butt. I will attack. I will feed because my human is standing there, clutching two full kibble scoops to her bosom, terrified and frozen in place and obviously incapable of providing food this morning.

The body of the spider was bigger than her paw. Images of a fast visit to the veterinary emergency room flashed through my brain; images of Scooter, choking on spider poison, flashed through my brain; images of a huge Visa bill flashed through my brain. That was all it took. I was galvanized into action.

Grabbing a handy empty fish bucket (actually, it began life as a 40-lb kitty litter container, but then graduated to fish bucketness), I advanced on the Creature, saying to Scooter in a shrill yet strangely calm voice, "Get out of here, Scoots!" The cat, startled by this sign of life from me so early in the morning, oddly obeyed.

I slammed the bucket down on the spider, open side up, and heard a slight <oof> as I bolted past the thing, leaping once into the air as I thought I felt the sly touch of a black ?paw? ?leg? feeler?. I felt a brief tug of despair at the thought of the (quite probably) ruined throw rug, but, heck, I never liked that crochet pattern anyway, and I was woman enough to let the feeling go. I was also scared enough.

Then I filled the bucket with anything that came to hand. I wanted to fill it with water, but I wasn't going to drag the bucket/spider combo over to the sink and let it get close to me. So I stood a few feet away and tossed items into the bucket: a cordless power drill, a can of room deodorizer, a plastic container of Cheer, a small ceramic flower pot, and, to top it off, once I was sure it was safe, I balanced the used kitty litter container on top, with three days worth of kitty output from three kitties. Even so, I could swear I saw the bucket move as the Thing tried to throw off its oppressor.  Then I did what any self-respecting arachniphobic would do.

I left a message for the Spousal Unit and told him to clean up the body.

I knew his scientific curiosity would be aroused anyway, and he *might* notice the bucket full of power tools and oddments in the basement, topped by the used kitty litter, so I thought I should warn him.  Keep in mind, this is the guy who tenderly saved the World's Biggest Wasp Nest for dissection (after the wasps were gone, of course). A Spider as Big As the Ritz would be right up his alley. A slightly flattened Spider as Big as the Ritz, that is.

Advice to all: after tussling with the World's Biggest Spider, plan on feeling nervous. Sit down.  Relax.  Allow your blood pressure to return to normal. And don't leap back in surprise when you think you see something in your shower.

You will fall down and bruise yourself.

<sigh>

It's Alive....!

I'm an App!


Yes, I've done it. I have an App on the iTunes store and on Android. Do a search for J L Wilson, and I'm there -- and I'm free!

I didn't do the work, of course. Someone else did the work behind the scenes, but I designed my little logo, I uploaded the content (yikes! I've got a lot of books!).

Check it out -- and for God's sake, if you find a typo, tell me!

April 1, no fooling

As I noted in my Real Blog, I think I have resolution on my literary legal issues. My other legal issues (with the buyer of my house in MN) is another matter and one which I don't want to discuss in a public forum (hmpf).

So here we are, it's April, and I'm LOOKING AHEAD. I have a new book ready to release and here's the pretty cover. This is my firefighter-ghost book, and I am loving the cover because it's got all the elements from the story: the hands in the background, the fire, the firefighter.

Whee!

I hope to release Gilt in early May after I proofread it ONE MORE TIME. After what happened with Mist, I am not taking any chances.

That still irks the crap out of me. Anyway, I'll announce here when Gilt is ready for consumption. After that, it's on to Righter. Then next year it will be Twistered, Flyer, and Wholes (Oz, Peter Pan, and Alice). And after that -- who knows? Maybe the Endless American Dream series will finally release.

Fun times ahead!

I think I'm good to go ...

... so to speak.

I heard back from the lawyer I consulted regarding the Oz book. If you'll recall, I was worried that I might be violating some obscure copyright provision or something. I also wanted feedback on my plans to do more books based on Peter Pan, Winnie the Pooh, Alice in Wonderland, etc.

Turns out that Pooh is out. Disney owns Pooh, lock, stock & barrel. I'm not going to tangle with Disney. So Woulds is going to be re-tasked as a non-Pooh tale. Ditto Lassie. I'm not going to tangle with the studio who owns the rights to the TV show. It's too hard to distinguish between the book (which will enter Public Domain status this year) and the show. So Dogged will be retasked as a non-Lassie book.

That leaves me Little Women, Peter Pan, Alice in Wonderland. I think I can find some characters from those books to use. Pan is tentatively titled Flyer, and it's about an ad executive. I think. Stay tuned. You'll hear more about it as I write it.

So for now, I'm going back to Woulds and am re-doing it. Then I'll return to the Endless American Dream series (I'm on Book 2: yay! One more book to go in Volume 1. Three volumes total.).

After that I'll do Dogged.

After that I might take a break ....

New life for this blog

I decided to retire my old blog and will use this one going forward.

So welcome, if you're coming here from my old blog. I decided to consolidate and simplify my life. So now I just have, hmm, let's see: 5 blogs to update? Plus a mobile app?

Thank goodness I only have 3 or 4 releases a year!

Updates, updates, & more updates

I am prepping a book for release this spring (or later this spring, I should say, since it appears we are going to actually have a spring season for once instead of just going right into summer).

I digress. The weather is so unusual I comment on it all the time.

Anyway: I'm prepping a book for release and I am peering at every word, my angst about typos, etc., making me super paranoid. I'm sure something will slip past, but I hope it isn't as egregious as the ones in Mist.

Sigh.

And I'm making HUGE strides in writing the Endless American Dream series. It's a 3-volume, 9 book series ... no wait. It'll be 3 volumes and 9 books for the FIRST series. Then 3 books for the next 2 series. Then the 3 book series that finishes it (already published).

Confused? I'm not because (drum roll) I have a super WIKI that keeps track of everything. When I start publishing the series, I'll open the Wiki to the public. Until then, suffice it to say: it is AWESOME and I love it because I can keep track of EVERYTHING.

My plans for the Childhood Murder Series may be on hold. I am having a lawyer vet my plans. I want to make sure I am not violating copyright or anything.

Sigh again.

If it turns out I can't do the CMS, then I'll change the people in the books and make them just basic mysteries. But the CMS was a great idea (is a great idea. I have hopes it'll pass legal muster).

April will be busy with the RT Convention in Chicago, but other than that, it's nose to the grindstone for me! In between gardening and swimming and other fun things. So there you are: more irons in the fire than can be handled at once, but hey, that's how I roll. I'll post covers as I get 'em and release dates when I know.

Happy spring!

Writing angst today

I have two major woes with writing these days. And man, they both P me off.

1. A boo boo in my book. Yep, in Mist. I uploaded it to iTunes and read it and BAM found two wrong words all within the first chapter. I read that book at least 5 or 6 times. My beta reader read it twice. I read it again. And there are STILL wrong words. I so hate when that happens! I may hold a contest for readers and they can tell me where the problems are. Sheesh. It makes me look like such an amateur and I'm NOT. Sheesh.

2. Legal issues. I am working on several books (simultaneously, but hey, that's how I roll) and 2 of them are based loosely on children's stories (Oz, and Pooh). But given the legal problems I've had with the sale of my house, I thought, "hmm. Better look into this." So I've hired a lawyer to review my manuscript and my plans so I make sure I don't get sued.

Not a happy writing time, no sir. It makes me wonder why I'm in the biz.

On the up side: I'm off today to meet some fellow writers here in Iowa. First time with this group, so I think it'll be fun. I hope it's fun enough to make me happy about my writing again!

Grr.

No writing done, but ideas galore

I just returned from the Love Is Murder conference, which means I didn't have any time to do any writing for several days. BUT (and it's a big one, heh heh) I found the time away from my keyboard to be so very useful.

Why?

Allow me to tell you! I came up the titles for my next 3 books in my "good-bye America" series (the dystopian futuristic series). And I discovered the titles for each part of those 3 books, so 9 titles. Whee! I also had an epiphany about a couple more of my back list titles. I think I'll request the rights back and that led me to think of titles, and what do you know? I figured out titles for those AND what I want for cover art.

So stay tuned here -- looks like a busy few months coming up!

I am practicing what I preach!

Yep, I'm writing "in between".

Let's see, what am I between right now? Health issues (chronic, recurring pain of a mysterious origin). Physical therapy and chiropractic help, sort of, short-term. So I've had a lot of sleepless nights.

Husband's physical issues. Back pain. First time for him (I'm an old hand at back pain), so he's having some problems.

House hunting in another state. This involves narrowing down the search to a specific area, helping husband job hunt, working with realtor, then prepping our house for sale, and financing, and... lots.

Work. Yes. I work full-time.

Prepping books for re-issue on Kindle, etc. The first one will, hopefully, go up this weekend.

And in between all that? I finished one manuscript and want to go back & proof another that I finished in January so I can upload it to Kindle. Maybe. Or maybe submit to my 'real publisher'. Add that to my list of things to consider...

So you see, it can be done. It ain't easy, but it can be done.

Because of all that (above) I haven't kicked off this blog the way I want to. It's going to stay a Work in Progress until I either (1) find a new home (2) get books uploaded and have a chance to take a breather or (3) resolve some health issues. Those are the Biggies on my Plate right now. If I can slip one of 'em off, something else can come on.

Stay tuned. It's going to be interesting ...