Sally Clarkson's Blog, page 76

Searching for Certainty: Finding God in the Disruptions of Life With Shelly Miller

Once in a while I have found an unexpected angel friend who seems so filled with life, beauty, love, joy that her heart deeply ministers to mine on the spot at the moment when I wasn’t even looking for it and didn’t realize how much I needed it. (Now I have many wonderful friends who have done that, but my friend Shelly Miller was a sort of surprise kiss on my cheek from God when I was living in the UK my first long stint—she was like a Christmas present.)

Life just bubbles up from where she has stored joy in her heart. Yet, when we sipped warm brew and shared our stories, I was utterly surprised at what she told me. Hers had been a challenging life, filled with pain and rejection from the very beginning. How had she moved from that place, over many years of darkness, to such a place of life-giving joy? I have actually pondered this issue for many years. Why do some people seem to find Christ and they begin to flourish, grow, and find what they need to move forward in their lives.

I had the privilege of reading Shelly’s new book and each page filled me with a sense of the supernatural powerful life of God surging through her words. I know that this book will encourage so many of you today.

But, there is more to the story at this moment that Shelly has lived faithfully. With the diagnosis of cancer, she has had to live by faith through the last months, going through so much of it alone in the hospital because of Covid. Yet, she has continued to step forward with integrity, a desire to be strong and faithful for her husband and children and to hold fast to the Lord.

I invite you to join us in our podcast today and it is my prayer that our message will give you encouragement but also a pause to think about how to live well into this moment that you have.

I would like to give 3 of Shelly’s books away to my audience because I am so intent on getting the word out about her powerful story.

Her message to my heart was so very precious—seek the Lord while He may be found; hold fast to His love and goodness, share your life as generously as you know how; trust Him even when you have no idea what is ahead. I know that Shelly’s life and message and memories of these wonderful times we have had will give me courage, hope and strength in my own life in years ahead. I will store our times in the treasure chest of my own life to visit when I need encouragement.

Will you please keep my sweet friend, Shelly Miller, (shellymillerwriter) in your prayers?

This is more about her wonderful book:

We all long for certainty in life, yet things often don't go as we expect. When facing illness, job loss, strained relationships, and other struggles, our impulse is to question God and strive to fix things ourselves. 

In this book, Shelly Miller, a trusted ministry leader, explores how difficult times can actually be purposeful times of spiritual growth. Weaving the exodus story from the Bible with her own story, she shares how to focus on God rather than trying to overcome challenges in our own limited strength. Each chapter features a simple spiritual practice to help us enjoy the peace and security that is only possible through Christ. Uncertain seasons will soon be translated as an aha instead of an oh no.

A GIVEAWAY: I am giving 3 of her books away—to enter:

Leave a comment on Facebook (therealsallyclarkson.com) or instagram (sally.clarkson) or on my blog, tag a friend and follow me in any of those places.

Searching for Certainty: Finding God in the Disruptions of Life

By Shelly Miller



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Longing for Another Place ...

 If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.” C. S. Lewis

I am a restless sort. Sometimes, I get so weary of the mundane, I think I am probably not naturally responsible at heart. But I am committed and loving, and the desire to follow God well and to pursue ideals takes me a long way in this world of duty and “shoulds” and moves me forward one day at a time.

Occasionally the responsibilities overwhelm and the gypsy in me longs for adventure, beauty, wildness, wind on my face, and escape from all that is mundane,

maybe sitting on a beach in the dark of night listening to the waves crashing and splashing on the shore

or watching the night stars on a clear moonlit night in the cool of the mountains, and a longing that won't go away

a longing for something I cannot exactly define,

fills my heart with yearning.

Loving and serving those in my life is not compromised when I feel that "longing" for a place that is not this place, no matter how beautiful and lovely this place is. Feelings are feelings and we all have longings in our hearts.

This world gives shadows of what we were meant to know, but as Paul says, "we see in a mirror dimly."

Is your life ever quiet enough to sense the longing for the place He is preparing, sensing that this is not quite it?

God would not have us feel guilty for the truth of those places in our hearts where mystery swirls and sways with no defining places, no neatly wrapped package with all the answers tied up. Faith is a willingness to be in the tension of the place with no answers, and yet saying in our heart, "I will hold fast even when I don't see or know."

Eternity in our souls--it was placed there by Him, the Creator; we were made for another world. He never wanted us to love this world that will pass away, to be so rooted here that we didn't want to leave--

but to remember what He said,

"My kingdom is not of this world."

Do you ever feel that longing and ache for what is not here but will be?

Raising Children Who Accept Discipline

Family Way # 4

"We listen to correction and accept discipline with a submissive spirit."

Memory verse: "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."

One of the most difficult parts of parenting is figuring out the best way discipline our children — it comes naturally to love and think the world of them, but what about when we have to correct them? We all hope to raise our children with strong morals, without being too tough on them; we want to be loving and forgiving, without allowing their behavior to go unchecked. How can we inspire in our children’s hearts a willingness to accept correction?

Nathan loved the story of the Black Stallion--a stunning, wild, untamed, powerful, jet-black horse that eventually became one of the fastest horses alive, or so the story goes!

When Nathan was a little boy and I would have to discipline him, I would explain, "Nathan, a great race horse like the Black Stallion had such potential to win a blue ribbon in races against all of the horses in the world. But until this strong, wild horse learned to submit to the reins of the jockey, it was just a wild horse with potential. To be able to run the race, he had to submit himself to the direction of the master, and accept the reins. Natie, you are like that great wild stallion--so much potential to be a champion--but you have got to learn to accept the reins of our discipline so that you can run your race in life like a champion!"

***************************************************************

So it is with us as adults. We have an incredible capacity to be strong, grow in intellectual excellence as we exercise the muscles of our minds, to be influential in ministry in our lifetimes, to leave a legacy of faith and integrity--but it requires that we also exercise our will, submit to God's discipline, and strain after His ways by following His heart.

Taking responsibility for my children's hearts and minds crafted me into a stronger, more mature adult. As I told them stories, my heart was engaging in great hero tales. What I was sowing, I was reaping in my own life.

Cuddled up on the couch, squished together in rapt attention, there were teachable moments as my children would look with wide eyes and open hearts when I would read them tales of conquerors and heroes--those who gave the strength of their lives to bettering or redeeming the world. Oh, how they loved great stories! And when their little imaginations were captured with those stories, I would seize the moment and say,

"To become a world class champion requires struggle, discipline, commitment and the will to submit to the process of developing greatness, and I believe that God has created each one of you to be a champion for His kingdom in your lifetime. I wonder how you are going to be used by God to change your world for the better?"

"Maybe one of you will be a great writer like C.S.Lewis, or a great composer like Handel when he wrote the Messiah! Or a war hero, or a missionary, or doctor--there are no limitations to what God can do through normal people who submit to His training and live by the power of His spirit inside of us!"

And so, what potential sits dormant inside of me that might bring me to serve and sacrifice in a heroic way? How might God use faithful adults who are willing to live into His discipline and exercise our wills and spiritual muscles.

Discussions of bravery, sacrifice, honor, submission to life lessons would ensue and these were the moments when the souls of my children and I were formed.

"What do you think it costs to become a great soldier?" I would ask.

"What if you were called to be a great writer--what kind of discipline would that take?"

"What if God wanted you to write great music that would encourage and comfort people all over the world? How would you become the best?"

And so on--capturing their imaginations with the principles of discipline was a part of inspiring all of us to submit to our discipline, training and instruction.

Of course, much of training is repetition, over and over and over and talking all along the way.

Yet, reaching the heart with training is as much inspiration as it is training. Both are necessary--training in truth and wisdom, practicing submitting to that training--but knowing that with the submission comes a reward.

God does not arbitrarily issue us commandments to be hard on us. His commandments, which must be obeyed, are for our best--to protect us, to bless us, to cause us happiness and to help us become the best we can be.

Understanding that bravery, heroism, greatness, --a champion made, comes from submitting to training and to discipline, is a truth that will allow all children and all adults to be teachable and trainable to greatness.

It seemed we had to learn to use this "way" often in the discipline and training of our children. "Our goal is for you to learn to obey. When you learn to obey mom and dad, you will practice becoming a trained child so that you will be able to hear God's voice and be able to obey Him."

If obedience is secured only through force, instead of securing the heart--and the imagination of the heart-- then the obedience will only take place when force is exerted.

Many wonderful adults and children have entered the world to find it a place of great temptation and allure. There are no guarantees of what choices our children will make or what their path will be.

However, I think for all of us, having a vision of why we need to submit--to understand that choosing to obey shapes our own ability to become strong inside in order to become someone morally strong and powerful to bring righteousness into the world--greatly enhanced our desire to actually do the submitting.

Just today, I was talking to one of my older children. They were talking about how so many of their friends "posed" as believers, yet their lives were a constant stream of compromises. Integrity means that there is a wholeness to ourselves. Our behavior matches our convictions about what is right. We must train, study, practice to become excellent people.

God is holy and excellent, sublime, awe-inspiring in His demeanor. He exhibits this through His love, that He is trustworthy, that He is good, that He is righteous, that He is a servant leader and so much more. We practice learning to be submissive because He modeled submissiveness to us when He was here on the earth.

Jesus, the prefect representation of God, modeled submission to us when He was about to sacrifice his life by dying on the cross. He said in Luke 22:42: "Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done."

If Jesus submitted to God, we must be willing to submit to His will even when it doesn’t make sense.

What would have happened if Jesus had taken the easy way out? We would not have salvation and redemption. Sometimes being submissive comes with a cost, but in God’s economy, the cost will always be outweighed by the eternal rewards.

The goal of spiritual training in submitting to and asking our children to submit to discipline and to listen to  correction, wasn't just the behavior secured, but it was to help us develop a responsive and teachable heart, so that we would choose to bow their knee to God's ways, when we were with others or when we were alone where only God could see our hearts and our behavior.

Our children developed their own internal sense of wanting to become disciplined, trained adults who could pursue ideals of excellence for their Lord, because the motivation of their hearts had been secured.The training of them spread to our own hearts.

And so we told many stories of soldiers, athletes, missionaries, other heroes and explained that discipline and submission was the pathway to strength and character and we were their best cheerleaders as we trained, corrected and encouraged them toward the vision of owning their lives to become someone who would have a great contribution to make in their world.

What is your or your child's God-given personality?

What motivates their heart? Your heart?

How are you painting a vision for the person they will become when they learn to "take the reins?" How are you cultivating a vision for the person you might become when you allow God to take the reins and lead you?

Our 24 Family Ways: A Family Devotional Guide

By Clarkson, Clay



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Gifts of Intentional Conversation, Humility, & More! New Podcast With Joy

Brisk, rainy days have slowly invaded our days as we walk about Oxford. Delight to each find an appropriate hat at the charity shops to bring warmth and allay the rain a bit gave us a heart-smile and giggle. We just had to share it with you. Joy’s is more glamorous and mine is Jessica Fletcher-is, but now we are both warmer.

As we walked together on our favorite and familiar neighborhood streets in search of an open coffee shop, we chatted energetically to be sure we got everything in before she had to train back to St. Andrews. I think discussion and conversation is what most shaped the mental muscles of our 4 children. Today, when we gather, food and discussion are pretty much at the center of our friendship. And I have come to realize it is why we are best friends. Each of us feels that we have kindred spirits who care about truth, beauty, inspiration, great thinkers, skillful writers and teachers and we find soul-rich community together.

What have you been reading? Have you heard the new album by this artist? Did you see the news about….? Do you have any ideas of what I should write about this? What do you think about…….? I’ve been pondering a new biblical idea from the church fathers, …..! I just finished the most wonderful novel, have you read it?

It was these kinds of questions that flowed around our dinner table when our kids surrounded us at our table, in the car, in a hotel, on a trip, cozy at home. Mentoring through relationship brings such life and goodness. Awaking Wonder comes alive during such times. They imagine, travel the corridors of our own thoughts, engage with their own ideas and a brilliant mind is born. We wanted our 4 to think logically, to engage in truth for themselves, to cover a variety of cultural and moral topics in our home, at our table, to exercise their intellectual muscle before they were confronted by all the answers the world, media, peers, television and movies  when they left our home.  

If you want to equip your children to stand strong for truth, for Christ and for family values that includes a high picture of morality, marriage, sex, the foundations of scripture, world view, then you must gently engage over the years, little by little, day by day.  It is best for children to hear about controversial subjects from their parents than on the internet.

Convictions are not naturally a result of just being alive in a home, they must be discussed, cultivated, engaged in and embraced. It is why I am so excited to share my book with you if I can help you think through some of the ways you can help shape the values and souls of your children through table talk. 

Joy and I did a podcast on this on her podcast: Speakingwithjoy.com—look for the first one of the season called Good Conversation with my mom. But also, enjoy the podcast we recorded that I am sharing here today.

I have lots of thoughts about ways I will be sharing with you in the months ahead and I will have brand new podcasts you have never heard before. My desire is to inspire, befriend, encourage, comfort and share new ideas with all of you, my wonderful friends. You have been so often on my heart. Join me and let me know what is on your heart!

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Embracing Gentleness In The Midst Of Challenges

“A gentle answer turns away wrath. But harsh words make tempers flare.” Proverbs 15:1

Being able to actively “grandmother” Lilian and Samuel has been a deep heart delight to me. But it has reminded me of the power of gentleness and patience. My little ones are slow, messy, willful, but also fun, delightful and mine! I have been reminded again that gentleness and quiet patience really draws them to me. I am the one who needs to change my “always busy, accomplish something now “ attitude to fit their sweet, growing little hearts, not the other way around.

This year hasn’t been easy on anyone — from social distancing to canceled important events to children staying home from school, many young mamas have faced extra challenges on top of the already demanding tasks of motherhood. It’s easy to allow this added stress to deeply affect us, influencing our attitude and outlook on everyday life. But we must look to Proverbs 15:1 when interacting with our loved ones, no matter the stressful circumstances we face. When mamas choose to do this, they give their children the gift of a lifegiving, gentle mama by whom they feel nurtured and loved.

I will never forget this moment. Standing in the hallway of the hotel where we were hosting our mom’s conference, I noticed a sweet mama who looked as though she was at the end of her rope. Holding a young baby, who was arching his little back and crying as though his heart would break, she looked beside herself.

I offered to hold her little one so she could get some rest. Sure enough, he would begin to quiet and then something, probably a little gurgly tummy, would cause him to begin to wail once again. I held him close, cheek to cheek, his to mine, with my mouth aimed toward his little ear.

Softly I began to talk to him and then sing the song so often sung to my children: “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,” very softly, very gently. He would quiet down. Then another cry would begin, and I would talk to him very softly again … “You are not alone. You are so very precious, you are a darling boy,” lyrically, holding his soft cheek so he could feel mine. Each time my voice started, his little eyes got big and he would quiet.

After several minutes of this repeating, he fell fast asleep.

When my children were young, if I wrapped my demeanor, by my will, in softness and gentleness and answered their anger in a gentle voice, with non-accusing eyes, they were more likely than not to listen to me and to respond.

They still are! And so is my husband and so are my friends and and and…….

“I understand you are feeling frustrated or angry, but I want to listen to you and understand what you are saying so I can help you.”

Angry words answered with loud voices and accusation just adds fuel to the flame of anger. Gentleness and sympathy puts water on the fire of a loved one’s angry heart, soothing their frustrated feelings. Once I had this scripture in my head and learned to use it in many relationship situations, I saw how effective this piece of wisdom was. All of us desire, even in our frustration, to be honored.

There is no absolute solution or formula to calming every angry quarrel. Yet, wisdom from Proverbs has often saved the moment for my family. A hormonal teen, an exhausted toddler, an exasperated school-aged child, or a husband who is angry—all of these long to be treated with focused attention, an understanding heart, and a loving response.

As we all know, it is natural to react in like—anger to anger. However, it is the Spirit of Him who is love that leads us to react in love. As the Spirit lives through us, we will see His power and fruit drawing others to Him through us, when we choose to remember bits of truth he has left for us to follow. A gentle answer turns away anger.

Gentleness grows stronger with practice. It comes with humility. It grows as wisdom and takes root in the heart that values the ones she loves. May God grant us to become gentle in our love, that others may see Him through us.

I just completed a podcast about this as well as the subject of how humility, coupled with gentleness, gives us a way to be more joyful in life. It is on my membership: Lifewithsally.com

Mom Heart Moments: Daily Devotions for Lifegiving Motherhood

By Clarkson, Sally



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Home Is a Place to Belong

"Mama, I can't wait to come home and just be together as a family."

Every home has its own personality. The favorite food cherished, the traditions kept, the emotional song within the relationships inside the walls, the flowers planted, and they reflect the ones who live within. Each of us longs for home to be the place we are loved, invited as we are, part of the crowd.

With the chaos of voices clamoring for our soul allegiance, the pressures to conform to cultural values, the constant compromise of moral values, and the redefining of family structure, the world can be a calamitous, draining and confusing place.

Satan comes as an angel of light, always seeking to draw away the allegiance of every human being from the values of the kingdom of God, and our heart allegiance from God our Creator and King.

Yet, home can hold one and keep them fast to the values and faith celebrated within the treasure of the community valued there. Home fires, traditions shared, meals eaten in fellowship together discussing over life, values upheld, histories made and stories told and celebrated are the roots that go deep into the heart of a child to keep them tethered to the truth of the gospel and the foundations of faith.

It is our history and roots that keep us faithful and give us the strength to refuse the draw of Satan.

We craft the beauty of the kingdom of home, so we and our children and our husbands have a place to belong, a history to uphold, a purpose to guide our decisions and our ways. The accountability of a family who loves one another and says, "I am here for you. I believe in you. I need you. I will help you," calls to the desires in each person to have a place where they are valued and belong.

Now I am in a new place for a season, and will need to find ways to make it “home” for as long as we are here. It will take time to fill these rooms with the memories of deep discussions and shared meals, caresses and chores, music and work.

The life of our home is not just about "House Beautiful", but it is a "life" that draws the heart to all that is true. The crafting of our home-life validates the reality of God's love and redemption in a place that satisfies souls that long for stability and foundations that cannot be shaken.

Creating a home is about the Life of Jesus incarnating the moments with love, truth, beauty, and faith so that every child who leaves its walls will always have a place to come home to and feel that they will always have the gift of belonging to a people, a history and a place that is safe and strong—no matter how long we’ve been there.

He Is Waiting For Us In The Hidden Places & podcast

“But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."

Matthew 6:6

A 14 day quarantine was good for me. I could have taken about 6 months! One of the things I have been thinking about is how I need to keep praying, going to God, asking Him to work in a real way in my life. It is easy when we get out of control of our circumstances to feel a little bit like our prayers are not changing anything. Yet, if we truly want to be close to God, to stay close to His heartbeat, we must keep cultivating our connection so that His spirit can speak to us and prompt, encourage, convict and give us a live sense of His love.

God longs for the most personal, intimate relationship with us. While He created us with this in mind, sometimes in the midst of a particularly challenging time, we allow ourselves to drift away from Him. And yet, it is in drawing closer to Him than ever before, in committing ourselves to daily time alone with Him, that we are able to claim our roles as His child. When we let Him meet us where we are, peace will follow.

The past few weeks have been somewhat stressful for me. One of those times when you are often brought to tears or at least a hole in your heart, while seeking to try to give it all to God and leaving the stress in His capable hands. I have many practices where I verbally and mentally give it to Him. But for me the stress often comes from being caught in the deep conflict and battles of life my loved ones (children, husband) are caught in and feeling very responsible to change or help meet the answer and needs of unanswerable things. I feel especially sad when my children are down or lonely or up against very difficult circumstances that I can’t change.

I was talking to one of my children who said, “This is the kind of year when you say, Lord, I am pretty sure I am going to blow apart before the end of this day, can you please, please help.” And guess what, mama, I am depending on God again because I have to—there is no way out.”

Sometimes life is like that. Yet, those of us who have determined that for our whole lifetime, we will trust God, walk with Him, even in darkness, even when tried to our core, no matter our feelings, we will see His faithfulness and we will grow a godly character.

Godliness comes from a long obedience and heartfelt trust in the direction of a Holy God who is faithful.

Indeed, we cannot always see Him, we do not always feel Him, but faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction (believe, certainty) in things not seen.

This morning, the words above capture me. My Father is waiting for me in secret. He longs for me to come to Him, to tell Him of my secrets. To confess my sin, my weaknesses, fears, vulnerability, my selfishness. to tell Him that I actually believe He is strong enough to hold me, to give an answer that will be good, to be willing to believe that he will provide.

And my own conflict resolved itself today as several of us, after much faith walking, praying, asking for wisdom, asking for intervention and for His peace.

I have also learned to truly say, “God you love my children and husband and friends more than I do. You are perfectly capable of taking care of this situation. I will give it to you and wait to see you care for this need or issue.”

Dreams, feelings, longings matter to him because I am his beloved child. Perhaps he even placed them there. Perhaps He wants to expand them or help me in a very personal way—or comfort me while I wait.

To think of Him waiting and willing to answer, to love me, to talk to me to respond--to change the course of history because I came to Him, my Father.

Oh, to leave Him waiting with me not showing up.

Oh, Father. Thank you for waiting for me here, my secret place with you, where you do not allow anyone else to interrupt, or bother us. You are so very considerate to make this time for me. I come to you as a little girl, I am here to be your beloved daughter. May you know how very grateful I am to have you all to myself. I love you, my dearest of all dearest Fathers.

Do you ever, like me, neglect to answer God’s call? Do you ever leave Him waiting?

Sometimes we do so because we just don’t know what to say. Maybe we are feeling dry and exhausted, and we don’t even know what to read in His word.

I pray my words encourage and help to you as you’re answering God’s call each day.

Mom Heart Moments: Daily Devotions for Lifegiving Motherhood

By Clarkson, Sally



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The Key To True Friendship And Finding Joy

Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made frill. This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

The uncertainty, isolation, and difficulty this year brought upon the world caught us all off guard. With the distractions of work and everyday life, I think many of us were able to escape much of our loneliness, until we had these distractions taken away from us. The lock downs called our attention to an isolation that had been brewing already for some time — many dear ones in my life expressed feeling more alone in life than ever before, coming to the realization that they hadn’t yet found their kindred spirits, and longed for the joy and comfort of a close, committed friend.

There have been crucial dark moments in my life when I would have floundered or fallen apart if I had not had friends to carry me, to comfort me, to guide me when I couldn’t see where I was going. We were created with a yearning for connection, community, and a sense of belonging, a people to call home. Much of our joy is sustained through relationships with people who have chosen to love us, to help us, to be committed.

I find it curious that Jesus said, "These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full." He wanted his disciples to be joyful—full of joy! And he was telling them how. He gave them a whole list of connections, and it is all about relationship! He said that we are to obey him and that if we do, we will abide in his love, live there, dwell there, flourish there in his love. And then he went on to define the commandment that will help us to abide in his love and experience full joy: "This is My commandment, that you love one another." That's it? Not that we have to be perfect or holy or righteous or without sin, but that we love one another? That is where our joy is made full?

Absolutely. This is why Jesus commanded us to cultivate and be committed to "life-laying-down," serving, loyal love.

As I consider this passage in light of my most committed "love" relationships—marriage to Clay, who has stuck with me through thick and thin for forty years; Gwen (and a few other close friends), who have loved and accepted me unconditionally for more than four decades; my children, who are the closest of friends and beloved of my heart—I realize that it has been in my relationships with them that I have had the most joyful memories, the deepest intimate encounters, the greatest celebrations of life. I have felt deeply loved and accepted in the common life experiences that have knit our souls together. And it all came through committed, "I will be loyal to you and love you no matter what" love.

I also see that severed relationships have kept so many of the people I know from having joy. Any broken relationship is like a divorce: it tears a portion of our heart apart when something that was made to be whole is broken. I wonder if a statement opposite of Jesus' could also be true, "You will not experience fully my Father's love, nor have your joy be full, if you refuse to love one another. That is what will keep you from experiencing the intimate love of God and the fullness of joy in life—because you were created for love!" And I also wonder if a statement such as "Greater love will a person lose if he is not willing to lay down his life for his friend" is true as well.

This laying down of our lives—serving, giving, helping—is the key to real friendship and love, and ultimately, the fullness of joy. What does that look like? Looking back at the passage, Jesus said, "Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you." How has he loved us? He gave up his throne in heaven and came to the earth as a simple, humble man. He lived and loved and served and healed and poured out his life and died on the cross to pay for our sins. So that becomes the standard for what he means when he says, "Love one another."

Girls' Club: Cultivating Lasting Friendship in a Lonely World

By Clarkson, Sally, Clarkson, Joy, Clarkson, Sarah



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Fall Means Time for Knobby Apple Cake (recipe!)

Chill wind is blowing outside my door and leaves are dancing in the glory of golden spangles. Life has been so very busy as I am setting up my little Oxford home that I have hardly had time to take in the beauty, changing color and to breathe in this lovely fall weather. And having to stay inside for two weeks gave me great desire to walk the meadows, to explore the canals and boats so near me.

Funny thing, one of my bedroom windows on the second floor looks out on a loaded apple tree just beyond my reach. But it has filled me with thoughts of fall apple dishes so familiar to our family every night I climbed into bed and pulled down the shade, while peering at the luscious apples. And Clay loves loves my apple cake. So we will all be anticipating the deliciousness awaiting us.

So, today, I am putting aside duty and deadlines to sit and sip hot cider, to sit in my "cozy" chair and read a story and to celebrate a fall tea time.

To not recognize this day and the beauty He has crafted for my soul is to fail to worship and be grateful; to notice His masterpieces.

So today, I take time to breathe in the beauty, that I may adequately turn my heart of thanksgiving toward Him who took the time to make it for my enjoyment.

What for tea time?

I think it’s time to make Knobby Apple Cake — or

Squirrel Nutkin Cake, as Joy renamed it!

2 cups sugar (I use the organic brown turbinado, small grind)

1/2 cup butter

1/2 cup oil

2 eggs

2 cups flour (I use half freshly ground wheat, and sometimes a little oat and rice ground together and mixed together)

2 tsp. soda

1/2 tsp. cloves

1 tsp. cinnamon

1 tsp. nutmeg

1 tsp. salt

1 tsp vanilla

4 cups grated apples

1 cup chopped nuts (I add them to the top of those who want them.)Cream butter and sugar. Beat in the eggs and vanilla. Sift dry ingredients together and add into wet ingredients, mixing thoroughly. Fold in apples and nuts, bake in greased floured bundt pan for 40-45 minutes at 350.

Drizzle powered sugar glaze over cooled cake and serve.Glaze:

2 cups powdered sugar

dash salt

warm water to thin

2 t. melted butter

1/2 tsp. vanilla Mix glaze ingredients, add water as needed to thin, add more sugar if too thin. Drizzle over cake.Tastes best when warm or hot! A sprinkle of nuts on top with a drizzle of homemade caramel sauce is also delectable! Enjoy!

A Lifegiving Table Is Possible From Anywhere

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The idea of creating a lifegiving home, cultivating an atmosphere of friendship, wonder, and love for the Lord can feel overwhelming for us, a far-off dream that we don’t know how to accomplish. The truth is, we will not always have a big, grand table in a comfortable home to host friends and guests. Sometimes, we’ll only have a tiny table big enough for two, a little apartment with barely enough room for a coffee table, or a life that feels off-balance. The secret to cultivating a lifegiving home is not a perfectly balanced life, luxurious home, or a fancy table of food. Instead, it is an open mind, inspired heart, and a deep longing to create stability, no matter the circumstances.

Over ten years ago, I was sitting in a hotel room far from home. I spread a pashmina scarf across the small side table, pulled out and lit a small vanilla candle, placed two tea cups and a chocolate bar on the edges. Finally, I turned music on from my computer and connected it to a speaker I carry with me everywhere I go. A soft knock tapped on my door. “Just in time,” I thought.

I opened my door and smiled and touched my friend’s arm. “I am so excited to steal this time with you. You are always an encouragement to me.” We had met at a conference a few years before and both of us found solace in the fact that we mutually understood the demands of traveling and speaking as a way of life. Though we lived over a thousand miles away from one another, we met whenever we were even a little bit close to the same city.

As my friend peered around me and saw my little table and heard the music, she squealed with surprise and delight—truly a squeal! “A traveling tea table! How fun!”

“Oh, I have been longing for a cup of really strong tea.”

My ministry to women all over the world means that I travel many weeks of the year. Sometimes it is a weeks-long international trip, but often I travel to speak at weekend conferences. One night I was dreading a weekend engagement because I had been away from home for several weeks in a row. A brilliant thought popped into my head: Take home and table with you wherever you go. Make a table for friendship and mentoring by taking everything you need with you. Create a table of friendship and influence that is portable.

So now, these many years later, whenever I go on the road I bring along everything I need to create a lifegiving table moment, either alone or with someone who needs my love and encouragement. This helps me create some peace wherever I am and sets up my times with the Lord and with my sweet ones.

While visiting China on my book tour in seven cities a few years ago, I purchased several beautiful pashmina scarves for a song. Now I take them everywhere I go. A pashmina works as a shawl over my shoulders when the plane is too cold. But it also brings added loveliness to a coffee table in my hotel room—a perfect setting for an impromptu teatime.

Candles in tiny jars or cans (plus matches!) also accompany me wherever I go. Their flickering lights automatically create a soft atmo- sphere. My iPhone and computer are always stocked with a variety of background music, easily played on my tiny portable speaker.

I always travel with my very own tea—always a strong English Breakfast blend, with Yorkshire Gold being my favorite—and a china teacup or mug because china keeps tea and coffee warmer longer. This is a necessity to keep me centered on the road. Being able to continue my daily habits of creating islands of beauty and civilization makes me feel I have a little touch of home when away.

For snacks, I carry a zippered plastic bag of toasted, salted, sprouted walnuts and almonds, sometimes salted dark-chocolate almonds or tiny wrapped rounds of Gouda cheese. Fruit or veggies are available wherever I go, so I can have a tiny feast for whoever visits me.

And it goes without saying that I travel with my Bible, whatever book I am reading, and my most current study journal. I may even stuff in my newest Victoria magazines. (My Sarah and I love perusing them, as the old ones are collector items and have lots of articles about authors we love.) These are beautiful to look at and fun to page through—food for thought and ideas for recipes and decor and travel and more. Therapy for my eyes and soul without having to contemplate too many stressful subjects.

Looking for opportunities to deepen friendships, to counsel women, to have fun and invite someone in so that I do not feel alone has provided me with countless sweet and memorable moments from setting my table in my hotel rooms.

It can happen nearer to home as well, of course, and I don’t even have to pack my bag. I have been known to create a lifegiving table in restaurants and coffee shops, at picnic tables in the woods, in local hotel lobbies, and in the houses of friends. Sometimes I serve the food and drink; sometimes it’s served to me. But as long as I carry with me the vision of table ministry, I can almost always make something happen.

Once again, it’s not about the food. It’s about what happens at the table.

Books Referenced in this Podcast:





















































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