Sally Clarkson's Blog, page 72

Awaking Wonder: Igniting A Passion and Love For Life

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One of the delights of my life right now is that I am “stuck” inside with 2 of my children. Many days, I take walks with one or the other, long walks, that almost always end up in coffee. But since Joy is in the midst of finishing her PHD, Joel is compiling research for a professor at his school and just launched a book, our conversations are soul-shaping, mind-stretching, conviction cultivating. I am walking with adults who have been shaped by the principle of wonder, imagination, virtue and purpose. All of what was invested inside of them day after day lives inside of them now.

Some years ago, I began to realize that what had been planted was bearing fruit. I remember this phone call.

"Mom, I am just so excited, I can't wait to tell you. I decided to go meet with an academic counselor today to check about all of the classes I had signed up for, and the debate coach happened to be my academic counselor. He helped me arrange all of my classes, he counseled me so that I can finish in three years. I will be able to be on the speech and debate team and learn new skills for communication, and now I have a purpose ahead and a life to conquer. My goal is  to become the best possible speaker and debater and teacher.  I am starting a Bible study for the girls on my floor. I am so excited about my life and what God is going to teach me!" A Clarkson child

A drive for purpose and a desire to live a worthy story, to impact others, to discover light in this dark world did not come out of a vacuum. For parents, this comes from learning to see deep inside of your children's hearts and drawing out the greatness that God has built there and giving them a dream for how God will use them in the world. Children, in spite of their bundle of immaturity, strengths, weaknesses, and varying personalities are exactly what God crafted them to be to fulfill their purpose in His world.

From the time our children were wee ones, we gave each of them time to speak as a part at our conferences. We said, "God has made all of us stewards of His messages of love, redemption, and His hope and life because He has entrusted us with this light that the dark world needs. What would you like to share with all the moms to encourage them this year?"

Our two introverted children had to share just as our two extroverted ones would. Because we believe all of us are to be stewards of His words of life, we raised them to be comfortable with knowing they had a message that would turn the world upside down, too! We started with sharing our ideas and encouragement right in our living room with ten people in attendance. By faith, we kept writing and speaking and our children grew with ministry as we did. Their self-image was, "I have something to give. My personality is a gift from God to use for His glory. I have an arena in which to bring His light that no one else on earth will ever have."

Serving meals, visiting the sick, giving money to those in need, exercising hospitality, and making thousands of meals for people in our home, praying, hosting Bible studies over and over and over again for many years was also the oxygen of the life my children breathed. Their dreams flowed out of being part of the life of giving, loving, exploring, exploring that God had called Clay and me to follow.

We need to understand that vision of the heart, the cultivation of wonder, is what empowers all of us, as God's children, to follow Him in faith and purpose. Now is a time to awaken to the wonders around you and to celebrate them with all in. your wake. And that what you are planting now will produce fruit for a lifetime.

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Owning Your Life Right Where You Are Chapter 1, 2021

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Today, I awakened to gorgeous, dancing snow out my bedroom window. I lit my candles and stared at my flopping tulips in juxtaposition to the snow. A promise of spring against a backdrop of snow—isn’t that how some of our days, years are—a choice to celebrate in the midst of a winter season. I remembered a story when I was feeling very “wintry” in my soul and how the time was transformed and changed the trajectory of my life. It was indeed a day when I learned to “Own My Life” right where I was.

This day, I didn't feel like I could face the demands of my toddling crew one more minute. Hearing them screaming, running, "I'll get to mama first," was sweet enough but at this moment, I didn't think I had one more ounce of strength to meet them as they pounced on me. And so I stayed sitting on the floor behind my couch in my bedroom where they were not tall enough to peer over to see my head. I had been sitting, pondering life with a big cloud hovering at the moment they ran into my room. Oddly, amazingly, they did not find me or even look beyond the couch that hid me. At first it was a fun achievement to me, then it became a refuge for me, away from the demands for just a few quiet minutes.

 "God," I asked, "I am stuck in this impossible situation, living with my mother-in-law, in the middle of flatland Texas, amidst critters and bugs, no salary, no friends, no support systems and this is not what I dreamed our life would become. Please show me that you are still there, that somehow I am not invisible."

It was in this very place that Whole Heart Ministries was born. Our future would allow us to write 20+ books, host conferences for tens of thousands of women, work internationally, raise 4 godly kids, but at this particular moment, I could not see into the future. I could not see anything of significance happening at all.

God seemed to whisper to my heart, ... " This is the place I want you to worship Me. Being faithful in these circumstances is where you will find the glory of My favor. This is exactly where I want you. This time of testing will be the making of your faith, the humbling of your heart, the shaping of your character, the writing of your story. 

You can choose to waste this time with a bad attitude, to leave this situation, or to waste your days in ungratefulness and complaints. And then your life will continue moving through darkness and dim hallways.

And this day, so many years ago, was when I planted a flag of faith and decided I wanted to take courage, to step forward, to believe God had a roadway ahead that would be filled with flourishing in His grace. I pray that for you, my friends, that you may find your way forward wherever you are—and live to see His light on your path.

You have a choice to make: if you trust Me and live faithfully in this juncture, I will make this a place of favor and honor for you. But if you look for a way out and disqualify yourself from the blessings and favor I had planned to give you, you will find yourself in the midst of a prolonged wilderness." 

And one day at a time, God helped me to take one step forward, to put my issues into His hands, to live forward by faith into what He was doing, what I was becoming. And now, as I look back, I am beyond amazed at what He has accomplished on our behalf through His generous faithfulness. How important it was, I can see now, that I learned to own my life right where I was, to dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.

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No One's Life Escapes Fallenness

Recently I received a letter from a sweet woman who said, "I have been hiding the story of my life because I was afraid I would be rejected by other Christian women."

Her marriage had been impossible, she had received bad counsel, a divorce had taken place. Her heart was broken.

Another had a sordid past before becoming a believer, and she was sure her friends would reject her if they knew.

Another friend had a prodigal. Another had a beautiful daughter who lived morally and had a good heart but was rejected for her clothing and was ostracized from her peer group, bullied and almost despaired in her faith in God. "How could Christians, who are supposed to love, treat me this way, when I have done nothing wrong?"

I have friends in my life who walk with God and yet they have had to bear with the onslaught of culture's battles raging in the lives of their children that have wrought scars. I have felt the ravage of disappointment from others and criticism, and so have my children.

Others have written articles on the web causing their exclusion from the “club.”

"Judge not lest ye be judged."

"It is to a man's honor to overlook a sin."

"Take the log out of your own eye."

We all want God to be patient when it comes to our own lives, but we are quick to point fingers of judgment at others as though their fragility and flaws are somehow worse than ours.

The older I get, the more I give grace and have compassion because I see my own selfish, sinful heart more clearly and so am more grateful for God's grace than ever before. Seeing your own self in the light of God's holiness humbles you. God tells us Himself that  he gives grace to the humble but is opposed to the proud. Humility opens our eyes more clearly to the magnificent sacrifice of Jesus--while we were yet sinners, he came into the world, he touched lepers, he forgave prostitutes, he had compassion on the crowds because they had no one to shepherd them.

I live in a world of swirling ideals--I uphold ideals, I seek to be holy, I teach my children about the righteousness of God

… but these ideals should never give me a reason for  judging others.

My ideals, which I have come to by the grace of God,  should always lead me to serve, to help others find the path, to show others the grace I have been given, to accept others as I long to be accepted.

Even my own family has been more harmed in their walk with God by "Christians" than by unbelievers. My children have been targets of wagging tongues. But our family circle is a place where holy love abides and where safety and mercy are upheld--where Jesus' love flows freely.

Still, words can hurt deeply and can have consequences--woe to us if we are vessels of separation in the body of Christ.

He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.

Oh, the wisdom, the love, the grace, the freedom I find in Him. He is safe. Real friends provide safety, where hearts can be shared without fear of condemnation.

It would be easier to be a Christian if it were not for all the Christians who are so very judgmental.

Let us be those who love, who remember, "Love covers a multitude of sin." "Love is a perfect bond of unity."

I have often said, those who have not yet been humbled enough are the first to be critical.

Criticism kills. Love heals. May we all become better lovers day by day so that we are not a part of killing the dimly burning wick of faith in precious ones who have secrets and are longing for comfort, for grace, for help, acceptance, forgiveness.

May we all live, today, in the beloved grace and patience and mercy of God which is new every morning.

Most of Life is Waiting: Dance While You Wait

“We never live; we are always in the expectation of living.”
― Voltaire

Clay and I will celebrate our 40th anniversary next summer, God willing. But as I look back through the years, it is the devoted partnership where we held fast, the ways we celebrated mundane rhythms of life every day, every night, the “Forgive me,” the persevering through all the years and phases of childhood with our crew where the value of our relationship was forged, where the Clarkson story took root, where our ministry was birthed. It was in the meantime between big events where the treasures were found.

Yesterday, savoring warm, buttered banana, chocolate chip muffins and sipping strong tea, Joy and Joel and I gathered for our afternoon ritual. Joy is waiting to finish her first book and also her PHD. She has worked on her PHD for many years and is at the grueling end of it.

“I wonder if I will ever be finished!” she exclaimed.

Joel, nodded in agreement. “I am just trying day by day to finish this one chapter and then I have so much left to go.”

And I am waiting to see if they will ever be allowed to go back to Scotland with the border closed.

And waiting to plan my next year, but waiting on the virus to go away.

Tomorrow is the Inauguration for President Elect Biden. Collectively, no matter who you voted for, we all wait to see what is ahead. Will it be calm? Will it be violent? How will he change what is happening in our country for good or bad? We all wait, …, again, for history to take place. We wait for news of life opening up from Corona Virus. And on and on.

I have waited to fall in love. Waited to get married. Waited to get pregnant. Waited to get pregnant again. Waited for 19 houses to sell when moving and waited to find another suitable place.

Waited for children to be out of diapers, to learn to read, to grow up, and on and on it goes.

Clay has waited through all of these seasons by my side. What does life hold? What is going to happen?

Most of life is in the “In between.”

And yet, what we do in the meantime is what really defines the story of our lives.

As Clay and I waited together when our hopes were only ideas we talked about together, we worked hard to start a ministry without any money.

We hosted our first conference with only 11 people.

We talked late at night about whether we would ever be qualified to write books. We lived through illnesses, moves, car wrecks, out of the box children, asthmatic children, family trauma, church drama. And yet, these places are where our character was made and our story grew with integrity. Each season of learning to be faithful in hard times, of pushing through to see if God would answer prayer, learning to forgive when we didn’t feel like it, loving a child who was acting in an unlovable way.

What you choose to believe and cherish, practice and submit to, work at and believe in happens when no one else is looking. These are the glorious days your children will remember—the joy of the meantime, the moments cherished, the memories made at bedtime, table time, birthdays, times of illness.

So, who knows what tomorrow or the next day will bring. But what will you do in the meantime?

Keep Calm & Carry On

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A couple of years ago, as I was wandering through a little shop in Oxford, I came upon these mugs. Keep Calm and Carry On—a slogan put out to the public in England in 1939 just before the war came on in angry fury. Delighted to bring my team members a fun token from the UK, I didn’t even know what was going to be required of us during 2020 and 2021.

Isn’t that the need of life in this world at this time. Another week is upon us that promises to be filled with some global drama and another week of the pandemic. Siggggghhhhhh! Many stresses and demands face us as women every day. Needs arise and require our immediate attention, someone needs our love, our time, our help. And yet, I do have to say, I love women. They seem particularly equipped by God to be great lovers, devoted friends, makers of beauty, civilizers of chaos, spiritually grounded and intellectually brilliant.

That is the capacity of women, to be capable, courageous, kind in so very many ways.

Life has of course been wearisome for all of us. Many of you are emotionally dry and exhausted in your spirit. But you are my heroes. You are the ones who hold life and hope together.

Yet, as I talk to so many and have received so many messages, I do see beauty in the way so many are striving to live forward into their best selves for the sake of others, even though sometimes we can only be strong one day at a time.

Keep calm and carry on, my friends.

Your perseverance and gracious endurance is building a legacy in the hearts and minds of those around you.

Sleep a little later this week, eat off of paper plates, eat cereal for dinner, steal a bit of dark, salted almond chocolate (my favorite—unless it is salted caramel! :)), go for long walks or dance to lively music all around your house. But do take care of your selves. I wish I could have each of you for a mug of cheer and a bit of tea with it.

I hope my podcast will encourage you today as I talk about learning to Own Life, even through seasons of draught.

I send my love and prayers your way.

Books Referenced in this Podcast:  FOR MORE

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Find His Path for You, Living Into Your Own Journey

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” ~ Romans 12:2

I remember when I left full time ministry to stay home with my children, I was criticized for leaving "the ministry." Such a shame, they said, a waste of your arena and skills and influence.

When I pursued a life as a writer of books, blogger, podcaster, I was criticized for working and trying to raise my children at the same time.

When I decided to have more children, some well-meaning believers said, "You already have your boy and your girl, and kids take up a lot of time and are expensive. Why would you have more?"

When I wanted to have another child when I was in my 40's, after three miscarriages, I heard from many places how unwise it was to have a baby in my 40's and how unhealthy for me. But I had prayed......and her name is Joy.

When I wanted to home educate my children, I kept hearing and hearing and hearing how they would be unsocialized, unprepared for university and the real world and that I would see, eventually, just how hard it was and would quit when they were teens. God lead me to keep going, and they are all out in the world bringing His light and goodness in very secular places to help people.

When I had an out-of-the-box child who struggled with some issues and passages in life, I was told I was not disciplining enough and needed to spank more--but this child responded to gentleness and firmness, instead. And so I prayed, and loved, and trained patiently for many years. And he became an author, actor, movie maker.

How could you let him move to New York City and Hollywood? Don’t you care about his long term well-being. But again, God called me to trust because it was my life, my child, my puzzle.

When I read articles on how important it was to read to my children and focused them on great authors, great minds and experiences,  and walked by faith in the home-nurture and -education of my children, I was criticized for the possibility of leading many  astray through my articles and talks. “After all, how do you know you are not missing a lot by not using proven curriculum? How do you know that you are not hindering their development and ability?” But we had prayed and sought wisdom …

All these voices and more criticized me, and told me I would find out I was wrong. These voices proved to create havoc in my soul, and stress in my life.

So, I kept having quiet times and praying and continued to follow God by faith. I do not say His way for me is the right way for everybody, but I had to listen to Him and follow Him by faith, even though it took me in many different directions than everyone else.

Each of us must pray, evaluated our own circumstances, live as well as we can as stewards of our own life and convictions. And we must live by faith.

Without faith, it is impossible to please God … Hebrews 11:6

And so, as I am seeking His voice these days, He is again saying,

"You, follow me."

“You, live by faith."

“You, do my will."

Adam and Eve didn't listen to His voice when He was calling them to loyalty in the garden.

The spies did not listen to Him, but looked at the giants when they saw the land of milk and honey He had already prepared.

The soldiers could not defeat Goliath because they did not hear God's voice but only a voice of fear.

It is age-old to want to fit in, but only those who listen closely, who seek intently, will have the blessing and privilege to hear Him, to see His ways and to live in the grace that only comes from resting in Him and obediently walking by faith.

Where is He leading you today? Follow Him only.

Awaking Wonder: Shaping of a Whole Life Vision

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We are watching history unfold once again as we see people in every walk of life exhibit what has lived inside of them. Violence, accusations, opinions, convictions, behavior, relationships, theology, philosophy of iife, what value we give to other human beings does not come from a vacuum. What we believe, how we live and what we live for comes from the input, training, experiences and modeling that have been a part of our lives. What might we learn about our contemporary culture by watching the behavior, character and words of the people in the news today. Is it what you hope your children will immulate? Is the character you are seeing displayed what you hope your children will become?

As we ponder what the next generation of children are becoming by what they are being shaped by now, we must consider what they are hearing, evaluating, watching, pondering, learning through the moments of their days. But even more important to those of us who have faith or virtue as a foundation for our life philosophy, we must understand that our children have personalities, drives, imaginations that were given by God so that they could fulfill their part in His story on earth.

Jesus, kneeling down in the dusty floor, mingling his hands with toes, dirt and smell, lovingly touching and firmly wiping the feet of His beloved friends, amidst stench, noise and eating, laughing, living. Reaching their hearts, souls and minds with the depth of the call of the kingdom was an embracing of the reality of daily life amongst full-blooded, crusty, men, hungry to fulfill a life's purpose that captivated their deepest longings to see that their lives mattered..

Jesus didn't just talk about having a ministry from a broad, tall pulpit with a resounding microphone, while disappearing between sermons. He lived a deeply personal life with words and instruction as well as integrity and generous love demonstrated in each moment of every day and he served and bowed his knee to meet the needs and desires of those He loved.  He taught compassion, and then he demonstrated it by healing the sick, touching those with leprocy, drinking water with the prostitute, holding and caressing children, feeding those who were hungry.

Each of us longs to be a part of a great cause, an epoch story and each of us longs to belong in the hearts of someone in the world who cares for us. We can exist within the mundane moments of motherhood or marriage or work longer if we know and understand that somehow it is meaningful to our over-arching life story and heritage, a history that we are passing on, when we daily stoop to serve, and patiently give of our energy to meet the needs of others.

But we long to know our lives can make a real difference, that our being alive and making right choices isn't just about duty, but about a heart-gripping reality that will make a purposeful impact in the lives of others- and to know that someone cares about our life sacrifices and investment of our time.

We need to recognize these same needs in the heart of our children. "Our children's hearts long ot be a part of a great cause. Training our children for ministry needs to be at the center of everything we are attempting to do with our lives. Serving God and loving Him is not about knowing all of the right rules and keeping them; it is about cultivating compassion in the hearts of our children for a lost world and showing them how they can be a part of His great plans for them to reach their world in their lifetime." The Mom Walk

Jesus called his disciples away from tasks to make an imprint on history, "Follow me and I will make you fishers of men!" "Go into the world and make disciples." "These uneducated men have turned the world upside down."

Paul and Peter were willing and joyfully sacrificed their lives because they knew, they deeply understood, they were a part of the movement of the Spirit of God to redeem the world for their creator, they were kingdom laborers. The passion in their heart gave them the power to serve. Service without heart kills the soul.

And so, when we seek to disciple our children, it is cultivating in them a vision for their importance to Christ's work, a hope that they are needed to fulfill a kingdom cause--with their unique personality and skills, and then giving them practice in serving others as they grow up in our homes, which are the center of ministry. It is about them watching us serve and being caught up in the beauty of our loving, giving to, serving and inspiring others from the integrity and compassion of our own hearts and lives, that their hearts will be captured.

Hearing about ministry, seeing ministry taking place and giving them a place to serve and be needed is the process of captivating their hearts with a passion that will last them their whole lives is the process of shaping them into life-long disciples of Jesus.  Discipleship is not about indoctrination, discipleship is heart work.

Today I am giving away 3 Awaking Wonder Books & 3 Awaking Wonder Planners. Follow my blog. or follow me on insta or Facebook and leave a comment and you will be entered.

Get your book so you can follow along with me in the next weeks.

Books Referenced in this Podcast: FOR MORE

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Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Sensing God: Celebrating Life as God Meant it to Be & Giveaway

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Sunday afternoon found me so wound up, I thought I was going to pop. Emotion of weariness and disappointment on many levels had been building up over weeks and weeks and especially the last few days. I did not need someone to say, “Sally, you need to trust God.” or “Sally, it is immature to be grumpy!” Those words might have made me explode!

Joy came over to me, wrapped her arms around me and said, “Did you know that Plato thought you could shake bad feelings out of a person, that that is why mothers rock their children back and forth?” She then jiggled me around a bit and we fell apart in laughter. I do think her shaking did some good.

Finally, we put on loud music from a sound list she had made and danced with all our hearts for about 20 minutes. I actually felt better. :)

Today, I talk with Joel about his new book, Sensing God. I have been reading it a little every day and it is having such a sweet, encouraging effect on my heart. God created us to find our solace and satisfaction in Him through the Word as well as what He created for our pleasure. Drawing close to Him requires that we engage in touch, our hearing, our sight, our taste, our touch and so much more. God created us to know more about Him by experiencing Him with all that we are, all that He created us to be.

Did God Give Us Our Senses So that We Could Enjoy Him More?
Sensing God is a discovery of Jesus in all of the sensory points embedded into each of us. It shows how the holiest acts in our daily lives are often the simplest: reveling in the beauty of nature; listening to our favorite music; eating a nourishing meal with family. These are potentially heartbeats of a living faith, and when we learn to recognize and respond to God’s goodness in them, it draws us into redemptive participation with Him, the source of all beauty.

Joel shares personal stories and paints vivid imagery so that we, too, can taste and see (and hear and touch and smell) that the Lord is good. In our exploration, we meet Jesus, who invites us to enjoy his presence and proclaim his visible, tangible, and touchable gospel. We physically experience the glory of our Creator and at the same time, we make that encounter a testimony to a broken world that is desperate for restoration. We are encouraged to get the good dirt of God’s holy world under our nails.

Together, we will come into contact with the God who reaches out to us with His eternal truth through the goodness of beauty. Will you join the journey? Come and learn how to truly worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness.

Be sure to get your copy today. You will be so glad you did.

Find Joel on Instagram @ Joel.I.Clarkson

on Facebook @ Joelclarksonmusic

Enjoy his music @ Joelclarkson.com

Books Referenced in this Podcast: FOR MORE

Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Honor: Granting Worth, High Esteem, Deep Respect In All Actions of Life

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The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.

Fred Astaire

Manners are the practiced ways in which one person acknowledges and gives worth to others through their actions

One of the most valued points of training for my children was to teach them to honor others made in God’s image that they would learn how to honor God. Manners, the habit and action of practicing and living out ways to show this worth in practical ways was a very consistent part of our training grounds for our children. Honor requires a heart attitude that says, “There are others I must consider more important than myself, others I with whom I must learn to show respect. There are others to whom I should learn to give allegiance, loyalty because it pleases God.

First, I am asked to honor God. The way I learn this is by practicing giving it to others that there will be a pathway in my brain that is used to thinking of honor as a life core value.

If a child is to learn to worship God, to give Him the worth, the honor and glory he deserves, he learns the value of honor by seeing it lived outin his family and by practicing it as a way of life.

God tells children to "Honor their mother and father" and in this command is a practice of showing respect, giving worth, humbling one's self--in short practicing seeing the value in another person. When people are valued, valuing God and worshipping Him is already a pattern in the heart.

Manners must be modelled, trained, valued, so that that which is sacred may be learned through the life of a home. It is one of the best skills and heart attitudes a parent may give to a child.

From the first days of life, we speak the attitudes of faith into our little babies. When we treat them with gentleness and respond to them with patience and treat them as little infants of great value, we are already training the value of honor and respect into their brain patterns.

Honor is a value that must have precedence in a home, so that a child can understand the importance of  people, and  to learn to bow their knee before others who deserve respect.

Honor is a heart attitude that is chosen to be a guide to our behavior in life. Honor leads us to choose to act in a way that points to the holiness, the dignity of God. Honor begins with our attitude about God and what we owe to Him out of being His servants.

The beginning of learning to value a fetus, an old, frail or infirm adult, or a person of different race or color begins with the heart attitude of learning to honor and learning to submit oneself to others.

Honoring others in authority is biblical. Honoring the property of others is at the base of not stealing, not disfiguring a place. Sacred places that are of value to others require that we give places a sense of value for what they represent.

Honoring sacred places is a way of moving beyond giving worth personally to people to granting worth to the places that hold sacred meaning, value to them and to our community.

If there is no place in our lives where we must be hushed, out of reverence, when we enter a place; if vulgarity and crudity of language offers no pang of shame; if there is no sense of reverence in the grid of our lives that requires us to bow our own self in the presence of someone greater, then passing on a sense of awe and humility when we are in God's presence will be impossible.

We practice humility and honor with our peers that we may worthily understand God's rightful place in our lives as the sovereign over all.

Books Referenced in this Podcast:
















































































FOR MORE

Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

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Given: Permission to Be Yourself!

"It is for freedom that Christ set us free, therefore, keep standing firm that you may not be subject to a yoke of slavery." ~ Galatians 5:1

We’ve had a lovely Christmas and New Year, even in the midst of the difficult lockdown here in the U.K. There aren’t a quarter of the decorative things to take down and pack away as we snuggle into our little house in Oxford, which is a blessing of itself! Finding ways to enjoy and celebrate life—and even have fun—takes a bit more work than usual, under such odd circumstances. And yet, it may be more important than ever.

What a crazy year—what a crazy few days. If we weren’t all struggling before, there are new issues to face after the terrible attack on Wednesday. Grace to all of you. Grace and peace amidst all of the conflicting ways we are feeling about life. But overall, struggling in dark times is a healthy reaction. And now, you and I need more time to regroup than ever.

Do you know that God crafted different personalities so that women could express different attributes of God and His strengths? It is knowing this that encourages me, reminding me that each mama needs to find her own way as she lives with her family in the time in which they live.

I wrote a chapter in Seasons of a Mother's Heart about legalism imposed upon us by others that produces burdens God never intended us to carry. I find it interesting that God purposely left many areas in scripture very vague. There are no lists about just how to discipline a child, exactly what to do or say at each age, for instance. There is no rule book about what a mom should cook if she is really dedicated to bringing health to her family, or what exact music is acceptable and what music would indeed lead a child astray. Or even what it really looks like to submit to a husband—which is good, since (they are all different and have different preferences!

There is not even a verse that says, "Every mother should stay with her children all the time every hour or else they are not spiritual and their children will go astray." Or, or, or. There is so much in scripture about living by faith, trusting God; both Jesus and even Paul were very clear about not having the heart of a Pharisee and putting heavy loads on people.

Instead, we are to use wisdom principles and have quiet times and grow in maturity. I  came to the conclusion that if I wanted to pass on my life and beliefs and vision to my children, I needed to be the one who invested time in them and won their hearts, out of the integrity of my own heart.

But, seeing my children do well in life and love the Lord and us and continue growing is not as a result of a list of rules that I followed, but of following the Lord, praying, obeying Him and seeking His wisdom, living by faith and watching His grace. God is in charge and will work in and through the personality and circumstances of my life uniquely, if I walk with Him.

There are many wonderful teachers and speakers who have good hearts and love the Lord and want to encourage others. But the word of God is to be our final ideal, and not just "wisdom" from others that is extra-Biblical and not scripture--and I find God to be a better task master than most humans I have ever known.

So many young moms lacked good families, and now they want to "do it right" with their own children, so they are willing to believe anything in print or that they heard a speaker say—and then put themselves under great burdens in the name of Christian ideals.

These difficult pathways lead to disappointment with self and with your own children, because they will never ever measure up to someone else's standard. Then, these sweet moms find themselves wanting to give up ideals because they are very depressed or overwhelmed and unable to serve this impossible master. There is no grace and peace in legalism and a rules-based life.

I find that the longer I walk with the Lord, the more freedom I feel to be who I am. I don't have to live by anyone else's laws. Clay and I just have to answer to God and scripture, not to an arbitrary list of someone else's standards. I think living overseas and traveling a lot has helped in this area a little.

Every culture I see and each national I meet has a different tradition of worshiping God, and a different set of circumstances to deal with as they strive to apply the word of God to their lives. This helps me see God is so much bigger and beyond my own box. And yet, He allows all of us, from so many different points of view, to enter into His rest and redemption and forgiveness because of His wonderful, gracious love.

Every family is broken in some way, yours, mine, always will be ‘till we get to heaven. But that is where the grace of God comes in—it really is a way of breathing life into our limitations and brokenness. And I have seen that even living imperfectly, but by faith, has show God’s grace in the lives of our family—in spite of our imperfections.

So, my real desire in writing this article is to give moms permission to be themselves! There is no "one right way". Each of you has a different puzzle to solve--different children's personalities, husbands, and even a different personality yourself. Some of you are introverts and some extroverts. Some trained and educated in high spiritual values, and some coming at it for the first time.

But the bottom line is, that as a wise woman, you need to figure out how you can best make it in the long run--loving God and loving your family, and finding ways to do this so that your own spirit is filled with life and joy.

You are just exactly the right person, the one who God picked to shepherd these children in ways that no one else could. So live in that freedom today and enjoy your own unique family culture. This is the day the Lord has made--rejoice in the moments and be glad.