Sally Clarkson's Blog, page 77

May Your Words Inspire Life And Beauty

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We have the beauty to create beauty with our words or darkness.

Oddly, I can remember the words that were spoken to me as a little girl vividly. One set of words was about how I lacked beauty. For many years, I felt that I had to really try hard to be attractive. Conversely, a friend in college said, “You will go far. You have so much wisdom and ability to inspire.” And her words also gave me hope that maybe somehow I would have a way forward and I began to believe in the potential of my future life.

Words have a power, life and death. They can change a life for good or bad.

Our words hold much more weight than we might realize — many of us remember the first time someone’s words felt like a knife, or the words we most regret saying to someone in our own life. We must aspire to be people whose words are welcoming, a salve to souls who’ve endured past trauma and hurt, inspiring an atmosphere of wonder and joy. We must choose to use words that will honor God, words that will reflect His beauty.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 4:29

Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in the right circumstances.

Proverbs 25:11

No matter how you picture a gold apple, you would probably think to find an apple gilded in gold and wrapped in silver settings something of worth, delightful, an elegant display of a fruit so commonly loved.

That is the magnitude of words spoken at just the right time—of great worth, something that stands out and sparkles, reflects light, gives a sense of beauty and design. So, if we really think about our words and how to aim them at the heart of others, we can have that valuable of impact. Solomon is saying that such words aimed at the heart at the right time with grace will have great value and great impact. Don’t underestimate the value of learning to speak in a loving, encouraging, gracious way. I have been thinking about the importance of words lately - they bring life or death.

Jesus was called the word or “the Message” and His life brought hope and redemption and truth and guidance and blessed all who understood his message with grace and eternal worth.. 

I have met so many young 20 somethings in the past few years who have scars from their parents--mainly, I have heard stories of parents who never encouraged or had time to listen or believe in dreams or sympathize. "My parents never listened to me. They never understood me. They were always angry at me," is often what I hear. 

“I wish you had never been born,”

“You are such a disappointment to me.”

“I hate you.”

“You are so dumb.”

“You embarrass me.”

These words are like knives that cut deeply to the inside of a heart and leave ugly scars on those who have heard them over and over again.

But if we were to look at the Word, Jesus himself, we would see intentional encouragement. "Peter, you are the rock. Thomas, a man in whom there is no guile. The centurion--no one has had faith like you. Mary, your story will be told about you for all times." Jesus always took time to show love to initiate words of life--even to believe in Peter and encourage him as he was about to rebel against him. Peter, Satan has desired to sift you like wheat. But I have prayed for you......"

It is almost as detrimental to withhold words, though, as to say angry words.

“I never remember my father saying anything kind about me in my whole life.”

“I don’t remember my mother ever saying she loved me. When I told her I loved her when I was 27, she said, ‘I do, too.’” That was the extend of her love verbalized. I always wanted to know if I was worth being loved.”

A word held back could keep a person from hope, faith, affirmation, a sense of worth. We also know that negative words building a wall, separate friends.

And so words have power and influence over who and what a human being becomes. That is why we must deeply consider how very important it is that we consider how to invest words of love, hope, truth, encouragement and practice saying them regularly. It is also why we must teach our children to ponder what words of life are and how to give them to others, as though we were giving them apples of gold.

James tells us that we should be very careful of our words and that we will be held accountable for them someday. Here are just a few thoughts on words from The Ministry of Motherhood.

Words are powerful; the Bible is full of that message. The whole universe came into being because God spoke the words. God's written word in the form of Scripture is central to his ongoing communication with his people. Jesus himself, God's ultimate form of communication, is described as the Word of God. And the Bible is clear that our words are important too. Many verses instruct us in the importance of words spoken as a source of life and encouragement. A few of these verses from Proverbs describe how precious words can be:

A soothing tongue is a tree of life. (15:4)

A man has joy in an apt answer,

And how delightful is a timely word! (15:23)

Like apples of gold in settings of silver

Is a word spoken in right circumstances. (25:11)

Encouraging and affirming words -- words of life, as I like to call them -- have the power to give hope, to strengthen others to keep growing in righteousness. And if I, a grown woman, need them to keep me going through hard times, my children need them even more. Positive words act as water and sunshine to our souls to help them grow strong.    taken from The Ministry of Motherhood, p. 41

In Proverbs 15:4, how is a soothing tongue a tree of life? How do bitter words stunt growth?

Proverbs 15:23 says a timely word is delightful. How can you encourage one of your children with a "timely word" today? Have you received a "timely word" in your quiet time lately? How did that encourage you?

Gold and silver are precious metals mentioned in Proverbs 25:11. Read this verse to your children and have them illustrate what they think this would look like. Discuss how our words can create a picture of beauty for others. End your time with an apple snack. =)

What about you as a parent?

If she engages herself in meeting the needs of others and reaches out with the redeeming message of Christ, her children will learn not just to hear words of the gospel, but to learn what it looks like to live the gospel.

A mom is a mentor--a coach in all things excellent in life. If she is not growing in excellence, kindness, humility and gentleness, she cannot pass on to her children what she herself has not stored up..

Don't worry so much about the right rules, the best formula, what are the right books to buy. Be concerned instead, for your soul--what are you planting there? What are you watering in the depths of your heart attitudes? Whatever you water will grow. Nothing in your heart will be long hidden--as all things hidden eventually will come to the fore.

So the starting point of your influence is the state of your own heart, mind and soul. If there is purity, wisdom, strength, faith, love and righteousness there, then when you pour out your life, those around you will be blessed indeed.

No money, things, training and activities can replace the importance of Children finding the very essence of Christ spilling out in our lives, and in our words, from what we have carefully taken the time to place there inside.

May the Lord bless you with creative ideas on ways you can speak life to your loved ones this week!

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Inspiring Hearts and Souls ... In Thousands of Moments of Life and Conversation

 

 Part of our purpose as moms is to inspire our children, to capture their imagination, to awaken wonder of how our children were created to fulfill great purpose in their lives.

I think my kids lives have been more formed on our front porch while rocking than any place else except the dinner table. How often we sat together long talking about the issues of life, sharing secrets, listening to hearts. The thousands of conversations did not look “holy” or “sacred” yet these produced more lasting fruit in their overall lives. It is where mentoring, discipleship took place one hidden moment at a time.

Influence comes through time spent, relationships developed, conversations giving birth to dreams over a lifetime.

“Mama, you never ever gave up on believing that I would make it in life, even through all the ups and downs. You made me believe that I could actually do something that mattered with my life, and you are still doing it.”

I loved hearing these words because I didn’t always feel like I was doing this. There were those times where life seemed long, impossible, and challenging. Yet in all of those times, choices were made, words of hope were invested and they blossomed into lives that grew and flourished. Sad is the child who grows into adulthood without a champion to support then along the way.

But this happens over years, days given to patience, coaching, training, speaking forward, encouraging—all the quiet choices we make to deeply invest in our children’s ability to imagine living well, living intentionally, living a purpose-filled life. It is one of the roles I think mamas fill uniquely. We inspire, they live lives of faith because we took the time to invest.

"As mothers and fathers, it is so easy to get distracted by the details of our lives. We have so much to do! We must feed our children and take care of their health. We must oversee their education and their training to make sure they will be able to take care of themselves and live in a civilized society. We train them in righteousness so they may understand how God wants them to live. We try to relate to them in mature ways and help them learn to have healthy relationships.

Yet often, I think, we get lost in these mulitudinous tasks that rule our lives, and we lose sight of the underlying purpose behind all those tasks, which is to prepare our children to go into the world and make disciples for our Lord.

But in the midst, we are awaking wonder in their imagination of how they will tell a good story, of how they will invest their lives to bring light, beauty, goodness uniquely through their personality and gifting to their worlds. How we need to empower our children to understand and imagine that they have a purpose in the world.

Each of our children has been given a specific personality and a particular set of circumstances that will give shape to God's purposes for his or her life. It is our privilege and responsibility as parents to help our children understand their particular fit in God's plan. This means pointing out special skills and talents. It also means helping children realize that God didn't give them such skills and talents just to use on themselves, but to glorify him and bring others to Him through the stewardship of their lives. In other words, we are to help them see themselves and their potential and then to inspire them for God's purposes:

Joel, you are so musical. Maybe you will write great music that will encourage others to worship God and want to know Him!"

Joy, you are so compassionate. I love the sweet cards you make! I can see the Lord using you to comfort and encourage many lonely or hurting people."

This quote and more about the gift of inspiration are in my book, The Ministry of Motherhood.

When our days are busy and so many demands on our time cry out for attention, it can be easy to start seeing our children as if they are projects to be perfected; always needing more correction, more training, and more and more work. After awhile, that sort of focus leads to resentment on both sides. Over many years of mothering, I've learned that reminding my children of the things they do well and encouraging them to bless someone else can do more to turn a negative attitude, a really bad day, or a hopeless cause completely around than the longest, most eloquent lecture I could have mustered.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Our chief want is someone who would inspire us to be what we know we could be."

I think that's a pretty good job description for a mom, don't you?!

Awaking Wonder: Opening Your Child's Heart to the Beauty of Learning

By Clarkson, Sally
























The Ministry of Motherhood: Following Christ's Example in Reaching the Hearts of Our Children

By Clarkson, Sally

The Right Way Will Not Always Be The Popular Way

How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,Nor stand in the path of sinners,Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! But his delight is in the law of the Lord,And in His law he meditates day and night.

Psalm 1:1-2

On occasion, women say to me, “Sally, you seem to have had such an easy life. It doesn’t seem like your children struggled or rebelled.” My children deserve to have their own private lives and we made that decision together years ago. Yet, as all children, toddler to teens, go through stages, develop, grow, struggle, so do parents as they try to shape and direct them in the God’s ways of truth and life.

It’s natural for kids and teens to long to fit in with their peers. We’re wired to desire community, a people to fit in with, place we feel comfortable and accepted in. Of course, there is a danger to this desire. Young teens are easily influenced by their friends, the people they attempt to emulate — and often enough, these very people can lead our children into making harmful decisions, or behaving in ways they’ll eventually regret. We may not be able to keep our children from ever doing something they’ll regret, but we can instill a sense of self that embraces what is right, what is best for them, what is wise. We seek to pass on an understanding that Jesus was not concerned with them or himself being popular.

Sometimes it is a bit humbling or perhaps testing to have older kids. The ways they tease or roll their eyes at ways that you always said this or ways you trained them can subtly feel a little personal. Yet, as I look at all of my sweet ones, I know that they are so very grateful for having been given foundations of ways to think, to live to develop their own sense of integrity—and here is an important one—to give them a sense of their own potential influence, self-government and virtue in a very dark world.

They have to own the messages of your hearts in their own hearts. And so it happens by investing love, spending time to listen to them and winning the right to speak to them because you have been cultivating relationship with them.

Godly influence is not won by force or authoritarianism.

That sort of influence is usually lost. But it is won the way Christ did it in the lives of his disciples—by giving his life to them.

I remember recently we had a time that was like so many other times with my adult kids in the last few years…..

With warm mugs of coffee in hand, ease of mood and cheer of heart, the kids were sitting around repeating all of the mantras they heard over and over again throughout their lives.

"Mama, the funny thing is, I hear your voice every day of my life, everywhere I go. And the funny thing is, it keeps directing me to make good decisions."

Sometimes we don't think our children are listening to our repeated in instruction. Yet, I believe that "Train up a child in the way he should go," is a part of shaping brain pathways of truth and morality in the minds and even the souls of our children as they shape their values.

One of the mantras they heard over and over again was, "Wrong is always wrong even if everyone is doing it. Right is always right even if no one is doing it."

Each of my children, as they have gone into very compromising places of thought and behavior, (Hollywood, New York City, Boston, Oxford, Cambridge, St. Andrews), have said that developing this wisdom as a part of making decisions has helped them not to compromise. Understanding that the world is a place of compromise, and that we were called to be holy, set apart--light in the darkness, salt in a tasteless world, prepared my children to go into very challenging arenas, armed with an understanding of what the battle would become, and how they would be tested.

In a world of relative value and constant compromise, ("Oh, everyone I know who is a Christian watches this kind of show." Or "Everyone else I know says it is ok." And then follows, "I am a liberated Christian. I can do this in the name of religious freedom."), we must give our children a sense of absolutes in the areas that are important to God. If we listen to the voices in the world, on blogs, on facebook, even in Christian culture, we must understand that such voices create compromise.

The Ten Commandments are a great place to start--no adultery, no idols, setting themselves apart to remember their God, and to honor Him, as well as honoring their sweet mama, (Me) and their great Daddy, Clay. And such voices create compromise--

Our family considers ourselves also to have great freedom, yet we also have strong standards of holiness and morality because we have focused on seeking to please the heart of God. The only way you can create freedom to live righteously and give wisdom in knowing how to behave in life is to teach about Jesus and His instruction every day. Only when we have pondered His words, can we understand His heart towards life.

Psalm 1 is a passage I used over and over again to train my children to walk not in the counsel of their friends or the world, but to delight in the heart and rightness of God's words in order to have a sensitive conscience to what He wanted them to do. We acted out and memorized through verse 4 and it became a picture of what a righteous person looked like in a culture that was cynical, criticizing, compromising---the blessed man walks in the counsel of the Lord.

My children had to say "no" to certain age-inappropriate movies when we were not around. They had to learn to be the ones who would not participate in certain activities of other groups. They learned, by practicing, not to engage in immoral images on the computer, (this usually will eventually accost all children--but they need to learn to say no! And they need to know they can trust you to tell you what they have seen to ask for your help.)

We talked about media, peer pressure, foolishness and read proverbs together many times to find wise ways of living.

Learning to be righteous is a heart issue, not a rules memorized issue. If it feels wrong to their heart that has been shaped on righteousness, then it is probably wrong. But you need to talk to your children as they grow, about choices, trusting you, listening to God, living above reproach in a culture that is evil.

We cannot force righteousness on our children by legalism and harshness. This only makes them want to hide from us. But instead, we nurture and cultivate a love for goodness by cultivating it in our home each day.

In all of our ideals, righteousness is progressive. In other words, we make mistakes, we fail, sometimes we do foolish things because they are so accepted in culture. Sometimes, wickedness jumps after us like Potifer's wife chasing Joseph. And our children learned the concept of fleeing--just drop what will burn you and flee--run immediately away from the temptation.

Yet, Proverbs reminds us, "The path of the righteous is like the dawn which shines brighter until the full day."

We train our children in our home, we help them and love them even if they fall, we pick them up, we protect them, we walk with them on the paths of righteousness, and they grow stronger day by day, year by year, and learn for themselves to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit, who leads them in righteousness.

Maturity if a muscle built strong by much exercise.

How have you taught your children the concept of being holy--set aside for God's purposes and glory?

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Our 24 Family Ways (2010)

By Clay Clarkson



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Mamas Have The Power To Raise Good Men

"The only thing necessary thing for the triumph of evil is for good women (men)  to do nothing."

Edmund Burke

These days, it seems we’re constantly faced with another example of an influential man using his power for evil, living without morals or care for others, or maybe even one who chooses to look the other way when confronted with another man’s bad behavior. Now more than ever, we need good men in this world, men who live a life dedicated to goodness, heroism, protecting those in need, and love.

We have all probably heard the quote above from Edmund Burke many times, but still, it is so true. Passivity is a form of rebellion. It is a choice we make when we say, “I won’t follow my ideals. I will not help. I can’t give. I won’t serve. I refuse to get my hands dirty or to live sacrificially.”

Either we are engaged in the battle or we are quitters. There are times for rest, for regrouping, for restoring or renewing a vision. But to choose to be passive about serving God or standing up for what is right is to reject being responsible.

Obviously I cannot speak to every situation in one small blog. But we observe in our culture that there are very few “Stand Out” heroes for our boys to follow. Yet, I think deep in the heart of most every little boy is a hero waiting to be let out.

A couple of years ago, I was flying back home from Chicago and I was riding a train from the concourse to the terminal. A older woman stepped on the train just in front of me. Immediately a little boy about 9 years old jumped up from his seat and said, “Would you like to sit here? I don’t mind.” Immediately a small host of men riding together cheered spontaneously. “Woohoo! Way to go! What a great guy!” They proceeded to pat the little one on his back. I think the little boy will never forget the cheering he received for being thoughtful as a “man”.

We have the ability to call our own little boys (and girls) to their best selves. We need only look inside their hearts to see the courage, nobility, kindness, generosity that wants to be expressed through their lives.

Today, Nathan and I talk about what it looks like to be a good man and how to shape your boys’ hearts so that they will grow in their self-image to wanting to be a good man in their generation—a good man who is willing to be a part of bringing God’s goodness and light and morality back into a culture that longs to be led and taught.

Jesus was getting to this “useless” sort of passivity through the metaphors he shared in this passage.

Shaping our boys doesn’t mean they or we have to be perfect, but we are believing forward in our boy’s lives, we are giving them heroes who are steadfast and brave, we stand beside them, always ready to help, encourage, support. We see inside the man they have the potential to be, we believe in the and awaken wonder and imagination in them to become, to grow, to stand strong.

"You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men. "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.…"Matthew 5:13-1

I know many of you are new to my blogs and podcasts. Nathan and I get letters almost every day about how our book Different has encouraged them in seeing their children who have such different personalities and issues with an eye for viewing their potential and calling them to live into a great story. You can get it in many bookstores.

Different: The Story of an Outside-the-Box Kid and the Mom Who Loved Him

By Clarkson, Sally, Clarkson, Nathan



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Good Man: An Honest Journey into Discovering Who Men Were Actually Created to Be

By Nathan Clarkson



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Waiting Isn't Easy ...

Time is a commodity that composes all of the days of our lives. It is either felt as a gift or as a curse. Waiting for Covid to be over so that we can get “back to life” is something we are all familiar with during this season. There is he waiting ‘till the baby sleeps all night. The waiting to get out of the hospital. The waiting for news of a new job, acceptance to a school, being chosen for the opportunity that will change our lives. But what about in the meantime? Is there a way to see the moments in such a way that we can live the moments as a gift. “This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice….”

The clock called “Big Ben” in London near Westminster Abbey has been getting a facelift for many years now, but has faithfully chimed the passing of moments for many decades. And so my church down the street from where I live in Oxford reminds me every quarter of an hour that time is passing. Passing. Passing. Passing. Time chases us every day.

Sometimes we watch the clock or calendar because we’re anxious for a vacation or the end of a season, the completion of a project or the beginning of another. I am a “quick” person and like to get things done. I am are often in a hurry, and yet, I have slowly realized… God is not! He doesn’t lose sight of the main thing … and he doesn’t become impatient in waiting, as we do.

"The Bible is our direct source for perceiving God's attributes, noticing how He dealt with people in the past, and learning what is important to Him. Our whole Christian life isn't primarily about being good or doing the right thing or accomplishing all that is on our list.. Our lives are to be about a personal relationship--a love cultivated between Creator and creature, Father and child.

By spending time in His Word, we come to know His heart. God longs for relationship with us and honors those who love Him and search for Him. Reading Scripture in such a way as to know Him better and look for clues as to how He interacts with human beings has given me a better understanding of how to please Him. I have learned how He deals with others so that I can better understand His work in my own life.

For instance, as I read and ponder the stories of the Bible--the lives of Abraham, Sarah, Moses, Joseph, and David, I see that they all had to wait for many years to see their promise from God fulfilled. It gives me a pattern for being mature. Apparently some things take a long time. I can see that God's timing and ways in the lives of those He has used are different than the ways of this world. In this world, I want immediate gratification--Answer my prayer now! Yet I see that those who were godly had to wait in faith for years, trusting that they would see the faithful hand of God in His time." ~from The Mom Walk

Ahhhh ... waiting. It is common to God's people, in all times. "There is nothing new under the sun," as Ecclesiastes 1:9 tells us.

Will I rest in His timing? Knowing that the clock really belongs to my Father, and He can see what time it is, though all I see is the moving of gears? Will I trust that He knows all and that when the time has fully arrived, He will surely cause the song to ring out, heralding the change I'm eagerly awaiting? How shall I make this time, this waiting, a place of love, beauty, goodness, productivity?

Spending time in His word reminds me that He will be faithful, though I wait long.

Are you waiting, too, today?

Your Mom Walk with God: Staying Faithful on the Path of Motherhood

By Clarkson, Sally

Cultivating Deep Friendships Through Teatime Discipleship

Great ideas were shaped over tea in Oxford by many through centuries.

Table Discipleship Principle: Deep friendships and connected relationships happen best when intentional encouragement is planned and given on a regular basis.

We all long for kindred spirits — those with whom we could spend hours dreaming, laughing, and sharing our heart’s troubles. But many people I know struggle to find those kindred spirits. Living our busy lives, we hope that lifelong friendships will fall into our lap, or come knocking at our front door. But over many years of struggling with loneliness myself, I’ve found that the best way to cultivate a true, deep-rooted friendship is to commit to seeking them out, intentionally going out of our way to invite a new friend over for a cup of tea and a deep discussion.

Butterflies flittered in my stomach as I peered anxiously out the window of the red-and-white Austrian tram, which was slowing to a stop. I could just see the façade of a grand, ornate white-marble building behind the elaborate park of its tree-lined entrance.

Quickly I looked out to the other side of the street and spotted another imposing structure with a sign in front that read Volksoper. That was the clue I was looking for, the landmark my friend had described when she told me where to meet her.

I pushed the button to exit and was caught in the crowds of boot- wearing, wool-coated, and scarved people pushing their way in and out of the door. Frigid weather outside caused our breath to swirl in steamy curls as each of us rushed to our own destination.

Crossing the street with cars whizzing by and trams going in two directions on the unfamiliar street triggered a rush of adrenaline. But then, right in front of me as I made it safely across the street, I saw my destination—Café Landtmann, one of the oldest coffee houses in Vienna.

I entered and glanced around, getting my bearings, and was confronted by a waiter dressed formally in black, who spoke to me in German. Not knowing what he had said, I shook my head and put my hands up in total incomprehension. He then spoke loudly, too loudly for my comfort, and pointed to a coatroom. Quickly I understood that I was not allowed to take my coat into the café area. I walked over and handed my heavy navy-blue coat and scarf to a small woman who hung it up and gave me a number in return.

Everything I was doing was completely foreign to me. I had no prior expectations about how to do life in formal Vienna in the late 1970s. But I just kept muddling through and looked around until I found the entrance door to the room where people regularly met for afternoon coffee.

It was a magnificent space. Green and brown velveteen cushioned seats, dark wood ceiling beams and inlays, and a formal crystal chandelier gracing the center of the room gave the café a grand old-world elegant atmosphere. I was drawn in to the warmth of friends talking, leaning forward, sipping drinks in intimate groups. But I couldn’t help feeling a little out of place until I saw my friend Gwen waving at me from a small window table toward the back that looked out at the magnificent building I had seen from the tram.

We greeted each other, and finally I was able to breathe out my last bit of anxiety. Now I was with a companion who could speak my language and who delighted in my company. Her arms of friendship embraced me, giving warmth and energy back to my depleted soul.

“I have ordered you my favorite coffee, a mélange, and a warm treat they serve only on the cold days of winter. It will warm our insides,” Gwen announced with a delightful, pleased-with-herself smile.

We sat and sipped and chatted and giggled for three hours, almost without stop. The treat had been Milchrahmstrudel, a sort of sweet cottage cheese–filled pastry smothered in warm vanilla sauce, and it had indeed warmed me—but not as much as being with Gwen did. One of the deepest friendships of my life had been nurtured over a cup of something hot and some honest conversation.

Cafés are sprinkled all through the city of Vienna, and each is filled to overflowing every day as friends stop amidst the busyness of their days to share some moments of rest and to sip a steaming cup of tea or coffee together. I found this custom irresistible and adopted it for myself. And when we returned to the States, I looked for new ways to make it part of my life. Because I’ve always been a bit of an Anglophile, I eventually added the English tradition of afternoon tea to create my own personal approach.

Over time, my teatime habit became a foundational discipling tool for me. Taking time in the middle of a busy day to focus on a real live person and share our hearts over tea or coffee became a way of connecting with other women, with neighbors, and especially with my children—and even with my swirling, hurried self.

Eventually, I developed the practice of hosting people in my home for tea. To say, “You are welcome at my table. I have prepared for you. I would like to know you” was a way of inviting people into my life in a personal way. Teatime discipleship became a habit of stopping, looking someone in the eye, and making a space that says, “I care about you.” It was also an unthreatening way to begin getting to know them, asking them questions, and gaining access to their hearts. And it was an unparalleled way to build and nurture friendships.

This month on my membership, I have a video of me explaining how I make a perfect cup of tea. I hope you will enjoy it. To join my membership, go to LifewithSally.com It is a wonderful community of likeminded women who gather for inspiration, encouragement, ideas and fellowship.

Girls' Club: Cultivating Lasting Friendship in a Lonely World

By Clarkson, Sally, Clarkson, Joy, Clarkson, Sarah



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24 Family Ways: Loving God By Loving Others

"We love and obey our Lord, Jesus Christ, with wholehearted devotion."

Memory verse: "And He said to them, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all of your soul and with all of your mind.' This is the great and foremost commandment." Matt. 22:37-38

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With just one glance at the state of our world today, it’s clear that we’ve forgotten how to love — instead, we offer each other judgement, blame, and harsh words. It might sound simple, but the vast majority of our issues today stem from a lack of understanding of the importance of love, grace, and honor—giving worth that is due to God and those made in His image.

Preparing to become mature at loving God or preparing my children to become adults who knew how to love started with teaching them God’s most important commandment: to love Him with all their hearts, souls, and minds.

Rainbow light shone through a multi-colored stain glass window which looked like it was a passage to heaven. Our normally wiggly, chattery clan became silent as they walked into the lovely chapel and heard the quiet music wafting up to the very rafters where the light was shining through. Oddly enough, the beauty, formality and music hushed them and they sat mostly reverently through the hour-long service.

"Mama, you felt like you had to be quiet 'cause everything was so special, pretty, and respectful," piped one of my little ones, when asked what they thought of the new church we visited.

This was the first time our family had ever attended such a formal service together, and it was enlightening to see what the effect the sacred place of exquisite design and beauty had on the attitudes of my children.

Almost every time I read a story about someone who saw the glory of God, the effect of His blinding splendor was that they bowed down in fear, in reverence, hiding their eyes from the glory of God. The starting point for any real training must be a reverence, respect, and proper awe of God, Himself.

The first "way" of Our 24 Family Ways is about learning to see the sacred, and to honor things that are holy. If we do not learn to understand that some things are special and set aside as a picture of great and intrinsic worth, designed to show the eminence and infinity of God's glory in our own homes and lives, we will never learn to honor God.

Honor of God begins with an honor of what is holy in our lives. All people are made in God's image, so they are sacred and have great worth in eternity. Marriage, the commitment of two people to enter into a union and pledge before God of faithfulness is sacred and holy.

Many things that used to be considered sacred--human life, the elderly, churches and burial grounds, people in position of authority and accomplishment, parents, marriage, teachers, public figures--all of these are often torn apart, ridiculed, and devalued in contemporary culture. When every vestige of truth can be ridiculed, cynicism runs so rampant that no one can believe in innocence, modesty, or sincerity anymore.

At this time in history, where very little is considered sacred or holy, we must seek diligently to create not just knowledge of what the word holy means, but to place tangible practices in our lives where we and our children come to learn that some things are sacred and set apart and deserve our reverence and worship.

Honor starts with the respectful ways we treat others in our home--the way we speak to our children with respect, the way we give our attention to and interact with our husbands, the way we treat strangers or others who come across our paths.

When we learn to give value to others by serving them, we will be much more likely honor God--and honoring God is the first commandment. Loving God and honoring Him with our whole hearts is the starting place for appropriate worship, which says He is worthy of our praise and service our whole life long. Honor is a heart attitude.

Most of our churches are places where there is casual dress, talking and chattering, informal behavior, so much so that the behavior and jokes told and manners of most people could not be differentiated from the behavior they would display at a restaurant or in any other casual place.

We make fun of our Presidents and leaders and feel no guilt or twinge of conscience for voicing every sort of opinion on Facebook as though we have a right to be the judge of everyone and everything, with no consequence or thought of our own imperfections. In doing so tear down the value and even the core meaning of ruling over ourselves with restraint, decorum, a sense of our own dignity. We criticize our pastors and leaders. In the name of "freedom," we excuse any kind of our own behavior and speech, with no sense of propriety or restraint. 

If there is nothing sacred in our lives, then how do we hope to pass on a sense of awe, Godly fear and respect to our children? To honour someone is not to say they are perfect or even worthy of our respect and admiration, but because we worship God, He is worthy of our practice of respect as we leave judgement of others and consequences to Him. Jesus, while being reviled, did not revile in return, but trusted Himself to God.

How have you instilled reverence, honoring and devotion to God in your children? 

Have you seen things that have intrinsic eternal value degraded in the culture of your world?

What did God mean when He advised, “Judge not, lest you be judged?

We owe God our worthy worship and respect and honour by practicing honouring the human beings made in His likeness.

Name several ways you can establish a practice of valuing the sacred in your own life, valuing other human beings, showing honor for the worth of others.

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What You Look For Determines What You Find!

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When life is extra busy and demands for your time stack up like firewood against an expected long winter ...

When pressures from without and within build greater than you think you can bear ...

When it seems there's just not enough you to meet every need ...

What's your response? Do you retreat? Lash out? Do less, in a wild effort to retain some sort of energy for yourself?

Perhaps that's not the best way. All of those are my natural reactions, too. But something Sarah said one day gave me pause.

"One day, during some heavy, depleting financial issues in our family's life, I decided to get up before everyone else. I made homemade pecan-apple pancakes, lit candles, put on soothing instrumental music, and had a lovely table set when the kids and Clay arose. We all enjoyed the breakfast surprise together. After we finished, Sarah was sitting next to me on the couch. She kissed my cheek and said, 'You know, Mom, when you act happy and bring joy to our life, I feel secure and that all is well. But when you are upset and down, I feel guilty, like we have done something wrong and it makes me feel like brooding. Thanks for making the effort. I feel happy this morning.'

I realized that one of the roles God wants me to play in my children's lives is a conductor of joy, happiness, and celebration. After all, God designed our need for these things into our very hearts. We were made to enjoy life and our Creator, and we were meant to choose to live in His beauty and provision.

This doesn't mean I won't have difficulties or times of depression. But I do have choices I can make as a mom that will determine the environment in my home. When I choose to notice, every day, the beauty of my children instead of the duties my children bring my way, I am worshiping God. When I choose to notice the gorgeous sunsets and the spring flowers in the midst of busy days, I am teaching my children to dance, so to speak, through their days. When I choose to believe in the goodness of God and verbalize my love for Him, and make an effort to provide delightful food, thoughtful cards, and moments of fun, I am showing my children a God they will be willing to serve-- a God who delights in filling their deep desires for intimacy, happiness, purpose, and beauty."~ from Your Mom Walk With God, below

 So often, we find what we’re looking for—whether things to be frightened of, excuses, or on the brighter side, hope and loveliness. The Lord understands our weariness! And He is also able to give us the grace to deal with the stresses and personality conflicts and disappointments and burdens of life. He gives us puppies to laugh over and spicy foods to enjoy and beautiful music to delight our ears even in the midst of crazy days. Today, what loveliness can you find to share with your family, to show them the wooing grace of the Father?

Your Mom Walk with God: Staying Faithful on the Path of Motherhood

By Clarkson, Sally

Trusting God When Your World is Falling Apart With Ruth Schwenk & Podcast

 Trusting God When It Feels Like Your World is Falling Apart

Anyone who is seasoned in their faith has become used to trials, difficulties and hard times. Yet, it is how they responded to their stress and challenges that makes them worthy to follow. It is not something I wanted to experience or get used to, yet, it is part of life in a fallen world. The world is storming against light, beauty and goodness. We battle against such storms to bring light, love, beauty and goodness forward to invade every second of our days. I know you will enjoy my podcast today with Ruth Schwenk, a dear friend. She has penned some of her thoughts for us today:

Ruth:

We almost always enter chaos suddenly. It’s a phone call. A text message. A routine check-up. That knock on the door. And suddenly we are in angry and relentless water. 

Suffering is never convenient, is it? Trials are never timely. That has been our story and I am sure it has been yours, in different ways. As a young mom of four children, the very last thing I envisioned was that we would face the dreaded C word – cancer. I hate even saying it. But that is what happened. Almost three years ago my husband, Patrick, was diagnosed with a rare type of blood cancer. 

Suddenly, we were in a storm. Disoriented. 

How can this be happening? Why us? Why now? How will we get through this? 

Even now, I feel like I am telling someone else’s story. We didn't want this to be our story (who does?!), but it was and it still is. And yet we feel that with suffering comes great responsibility. We know that the hurt God allows is the hurt God can use. Painful, yes, but never without purpose. 

While we have found ourselves in a boat, in the middle of a lake, we also have found we are not alone. The Lord of chaos is with us and for us. He really is close to the brokenhearted. If anyone can understand our suffering, it is Jesus, because He suffered for us.  

And so the good news is that our storms don’t have to sink us. Especially if we learn the lesson that faithfulness in the storm starts with faithfulness before the storm. It’s the daily and weekly and yearly choices to be with Jesus. It’s the mundane and hidden moments before the kids get up, of being alone with God. Listening to His voice. Longing for His presence. It’s the humility and faith to stay on our knees. It’s the rhythm of opening the scriptures, even when we don’t feel like it. Especially when we don’t feel like it. And it’s the weekly decisions to gather as God’s people in local bodies for the Word and worship and bread and wine. 

That’s the stuff of heaven, that has the power, to change us slowly and surely, here on earth. It’s not magic. It is a miracle of sorts. But not the kind we think of. It’s rather ordinary. Which is maybe why we doubt it and resist it at times. But it is the most important work we can engage in. Because it is in these disciplines and decisions that God is meeting us and changing us and preparing us for what we can’t yet see.

It seems that is in part what Jesus is doing in Mark 4, when we meet Him teaching the learners, His disciples, “by the lake.” He was feeding them. Nourishing them. Teaching. Preparing. They needed dry ground. And of course, they needed the storm, the water, for all that seed to grow. But first, the seed. 

Don’t we need the same? We need time on the shore. Dry ground. It is spending time with Him today that prepares us for what we will face tomorrow. 

And then when the storm comes there is purpose there too. One of the greatest ways God does His work in us is through trials. He doesn't just want to get us from one side of the lake to the other. He uses the "middle".  We know these “middle places,” out in the water are often the hardest places. But don’t forget that what God has been before the storm, He will be in the middle of the storm. You can rest in His peace because you know He will provide for you. Because He has before!

And so if I could encourage anywhere right now, it would be to seek the Lord. Make time for Him and with Him. Open your heart to His Word and turn your ear to His Voice. 

I don’t know what you are going through right now, what you have faced in the past or what you will experience in the future but today I want you to know that even if Jesus doesn’t stop the chaos around you, He can still the chaos in you. 

In my new book co-authored with my husband Patrick, In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake, we share our personal stories of loss and tragedy, along with strong Bible teaching and the experiences of nearly twenty years in pastoral ministry, to help you:

* understand why the depth of your hurt enables you to experience deep hope;

learn to conquer fear to experience the freedom God has for you; and

discover how God uses chaos, and not just the classroom, to shape and work through you.

It’s through the hurt that we come to fully know the hope that is ours in Christ. You can grab your copy today anywhere books are sold.

With you,

Ruth Schwenk

Ruth Schwenk is my dear friend, and is the founder of a popular blog, TheBetterMom.com, and co-founder with her husband Patrick of FortheFamily.org, and a new podcast, Rootlike Faith and the co-author of the new book In a Boat in the Middle of the Lake.

In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake: Trusting the God Who Meets Us in Our Storm





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Awaking Wonder: Opening Your Child's Heart to the Beauty of Learning

By Clarkson, Sally



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Faithful: The Secret of a Blessed Life

Faithful: Loyal, Constant, Steadfast

Trust in the Lord and do good, Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.

Psalm 37: 3

Sitting in the shade of our front porch, gently rocking as we shared a sweet moment, out of the blue, one of my adult children commented, “Thanks for being faithful through all these years. It has been a gift to us in more ways than you will ever know. Not only your example, but you spared us from scars that so many of our peers have born in their lives. I know it took many choices to keep going, to be faithful to your ideals. Just wanted you to know it mattered.”

I was so surprised but so deeply grateful. Faithfulness matters, it is the hard work of the soul. It is a fruit of the spirit. It is rare in our time. As I look back over my life, I realize that so much of my blessing right now was due to the fact that somewhere along the way, I learned the value of keeping going, putting one foot in front to the other, remaining faithful through all of the dark passages.

Faithful in marriage, even when it was hard.

Faithful to my ideals as a mama, even when I didn’t feel like I was making progress.

Faithful to my God even when it felt like He was hiding.

Faithful to my children when they failed or showed their frailty and humanity.

Faithful to keep going forward, one step at a time, even when I felt I was failing.

The world gives us permission to quit, to give up, to drop our ideals. God encourages us to be faithful, to commit to being steadfast, to stay loyal.

So many eras I didn't think I would live through----crying babies with colic; ear infections and nocturnal asthma; hysterical fits and fusses and tantrums for never ending years, one day at a time, with a mysterious child with adhd, ocd and odd; marriage struggles between me, a totally romantic, relational woman married to a totally rational, organized man who had to work way too many hours to keep this family afloat; messes,  rejections from family for our ideals; 19 moves; loneliness, too little help or support systems; financial crisis; illnesses and hospitalizations and testings never ending; church splits; irrational people; and on and on.

Today, as I look back, I am still here, but God has changed me through it all. I am more patient with everyone, because I see how much I needed patience and still need compassion. I appreciate my faithful husband who has stuck with me through it all and has continued to dream of how we can change the world and write new books and keep this ministry afloat, (amidst him doing 4 loads of laundry last weekend, while I grocery shopped, bought birthday presents--again, and wedding presents for family).

The failures and mistakes I made gave me humility--a gift that allows one to be more appreciative of God's forgiveness, love and grace. Humility prepares one to minister to others with compassion and sympathy. Few leaders are wise without a dose of failure and having to submit to God's discipline. Children have a way of humbling mamas.

I see that I appreciate the Lord more, I am less attached to this world,  because after many disappointments, I have finally realized in my heart as well as my head, that this world is temporary, the broken place and heaven gives an anchor in the midst of taking our love for this world out of our hands.

I don't really care as much what other people's opinion of me is, because I know that I cannot please others and than my audience is the Lord. Only He can make me feel ok and centered with so much potential for failure in the eyes of someone who is looking and wanting to tell me their opinion.

I greatly enjoy my adult children as my best friends. After all of these years, our tastes were developed on the same food, movies, books, travel, spiritual experiences--Clay and I built our own kindred spirits and we all love being together.  (Maybe through all the struggles, my efforts at keeping going, training them, reading to them and telling them passionately about the Lord was really accomplishing eternal results in their hearts--but I didn't always feel like it mattered at the time when they were fussing over things like, "He touched my toe! or His piece of brownie was bigger than mine--and all of these very important issues.)  I am pretty relaxed with Joy  as a year old in college, because I know the Lord will faithfully guide her, teach her, speak to her and protect her--because I have seen Him be faithful three times before now.

I often didn't think I could make it through another day, depressed, exhausted, overwhelmed. Feelings were often dark. But I had no choice but to keep putting one foot in front of the other. God knew I could make it. God breathed life into my children's souls. God taught Clay and me more about unconditional love and grace. As a good Father, the Lord was training and disciplining me, as His own child. Stretching me and building into my life, by using my own children as a soul-shaping tool. He is so good and so faithful. My family and my life became the road to my ultimate joy and freedom from the things I thought would fulfill to the things that truly fulfill. He used them to surgically remove some of the rough edges, expose the immaturity, remold my values and thoughts.

I still have my ups and downs, sometimes sadness and dark thoughts that a fallen world brings, and don't know how my children's stories will sort out, but I am more familiar with the process and the Trainer.

So, this week, though still filled with more and different kind of issues, as I face a whole new and different kind of season, as I enter into my 14 days of self-isolation in my 20th move, in a new home, in another country. But I have seen that God has companioned me wherever I have gone and I know He will be with me, once again. Through His spirit, and His help, I will seek to be faithful one more day, to follow hard after His ideals, because I know He has a new chapter for me to live for His glory.

Thank you, my sweet Lord, for your wise ways, for keeping us going, for filling our souls with that which matters. Thank you that you helped me to keep going and going and waiting and waiting. How grateful I am that it is all in your good and capable hands. The sweet memories, the hope that comforts, the work that satisfies, all the things I did not know or understand when we first started. Keep me faithful and hopeful as I continue on this path of your making.

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