Bernice L. McFadden's Blog, page 7
March 21, 2015
ROOTS: My personal search for family continues...
As most of you may or may not know, for twenty years I've been steadily researching both lines of my family tree. During that time, I've uncovered quite a bit of information on my paternal line. This week, I made another discovery which left me swimming with emotions ranging from joy to sadness to horror and back to sadness.
My father (Robert) McFadden, never knew his father (Harold McFadden) because as the story goes - he went out for a pack of cigarettes and never came back. The truth was, he was a musician who moonlighted a marijuana trafficker, running drugs from New York to Boston - where he was caught, arrested and thrown in Federal prison.
I'm sure it was a very shameful thing, something my grandmother never shared with my father and his brother - ever.
In any case, I knew from Harold's birth certificate that there had been another child born to his mother (Chappo) but that child was deceased. For a long time, I didn't know if the child was male or female.
But then, my friend and angel genealogist, Valerie, found a listing in a DC city directory listing Harold's parents (Isaac and Chappo McFadden) as well as an Isaac Jr.
And that's how I learned the name and sex of the deceased child.
The discovery opened up more questions: How, when and where did he die?
That information would remained hidden for a few more years.
A week or so ago, I was on Ancestry.com and stumbled upon an death entry for: Isaac jr. Mcfaddin in New Albany Indiana in 1917. The entry listed the child as seven years old.
I thought; could this be MY Isaac Jr????
I sent the info to Valerie -- she said it might possibly be the Isaac I've been searching for because New Albany, Indiana is right across the river from Louisville, KY where my grandfather (Harold) would eventually be born
Excited, I ordered the death certificate on Wednesday, while I was at JFK airport, waiting for my delayed flight.
THEN...Valerie found another clue -- an item in the PUBLIC PRESS about the death of a seven year old colored child on June 26th, 1917.
Luckily, the New Albany Library had the paper in their archives. I called the library the next day, ...and within 30 minutes, this appeared in my inbox:
I read it and stopped breathing. And then I reread it.
I thought about my great uncle, Isaac Jr....what a horrible way to die. I thought about his parents (my great-grandparents) who would welcome their second child (my grandfather, Harold) less than two months after burying their first child and I cried.
And then it struck me...Isaac McFadden Sr. died just two months after Harold was born...
Poor Chappo....to lose a child and her husband all in a five month period.....I can't even imagine the heartbreak....
I cried some more.
Isaac's death certificate arrived yesterday:
(Chappo's name is spelled wrong and she was born in Georgia. Isaac sr. was born in Texas...)
Bernice L. McFadden
My father (Robert) McFadden, never knew his father (Harold McFadden) because as the story goes - he went out for a pack of cigarettes and never came back. The truth was, he was a musician who moonlighted a marijuana trafficker, running drugs from New York to Boston - where he was caught, arrested and thrown in Federal prison.
I'm sure it was a very shameful thing, something my grandmother never shared with my father and his brother - ever.
In any case, I knew from Harold's birth certificate that there had been another child born to his mother (Chappo) but that child was deceased. For a long time, I didn't know if the child was male or female.
But then, my friend and angel genealogist, Valerie, found a listing in a DC city directory listing Harold's parents (Isaac and Chappo McFadden) as well as an Isaac Jr.
And that's how I learned the name and sex of the deceased child.
The discovery opened up more questions: How, when and where did he die?
That information would remained hidden for a few more years.
A week or so ago, I was on Ancestry.com and stumbled upon an death entry for: Isaac jr. Mcfaddin in New Albany Indiana in 1917. The entry listed the child as seven years old.
I thought; could this be MY Isaac Jr????
I sent the info to Valerie -- she said it might possibly be the Isaac I've been searching for because New Albany, Indiana is right across the river from Louisville, KY where my grandfather (Harold) would eventually be born
Excited, I ordered the death certificate on Wednesday, while I was at JFK airport, waiting for my delayed flight.
THEN...Valerie found another clue -- an item in the PUBLIC PRESS about the death of a seven year old colored child on June 26th, 1917.
Luckily, the New Albany Library had the paper in their archives. I called the library the next day, ...and within 30 minutes, this appeared in my inbox:
I read it and stopped breathing. And then I reread it.
I thought about my great uncle, Isaac Jr....what a horrible way to die. I thought about his parents (my great-grandparents) who would welcome their second child (my grandfather, Harold) less than two months after burying their first child and I cried.
And then it struck me...Isaac McFadden Sr. died just two months after Harold was born...
Poor Chappo....to lose a child and her husband all in a five month period.....I can't even imagine the heartbreak....
I cried some more.
Isaac's death certificate arrived yesterday:
(Chappo's name is spelled wrong and she was born in Georgia. Isaac sr. was born in Texas...)
Bernice L. McFadden
February 25, 2015
Four Bernice L. McFadden classics collected into a single digital edition.
The Bernice L. McFadden Collection: Gathering of Waters, Glorious, The Warmest December, and Nowhere Is a Place
Available on Kindle, Nook, ibooks and Kobo
Bernice L. McFadden
February 15, 2015
The signs are everywhere, you just have to be open to seeing them.
So, I was cleaning out my wallet and came across this business card from a restaurant In DC I'd dined at with a friend last summer. I was struck by the name - which meant nothing at all to me last summer - but is extremely significant now because in my new novel #TheBookOfHarlan there's an entire chapter dedicated to that French city for which the restaurant chose its name. Serendipity? Maybe. All I can do is smile.
Bernice L. McFadden
February 11, 2015
A little about my writing process....
Sometime back, I was told by a well respected writer, that my novels would be near "perfect" if only I dropped seeds about the "essence" of the story in the opening chapter. The writer claimed to be able to pinpoint the exact moment in the story when "I" knew what the story was about. Up until that point, the writer felt dragged along through plot and narrative with no clue as to where the story was headed. I always appreciate advice from fellow writers because sometimes when one is so entrenched in the story - its difficult to see the forest for the trees. So a fresh perspective is important, needed and appreciated. So, I've been thinking and mulling over the advice - trying to figure out if my process is flawed. It is true, I often believe I know what the story is about - but , truthfully I never, really do. I listen and write. It's a subservient type of process. I ask few questions, surrender myself to the ancestors and set about doing their bidding. So yes, perhaps you readers are also able to zone in on the exact moment the story reveals itself - but I have to ask, is that a bad thing? For years, I've stepped out on faith, taken hold of the ancestors hands and trailed them through muck and triumph, birth and death, war and peace and everything in between - trusting - always trusting. I guess thats what expect of my readers. As a writer I am extending my hand to you the reader and asking you to follow me. I am saying, I can't tell you where we're headed, but be assured, the journey will be well with your time..... and that's the way its been and suspect that's the way it always will be. If you're with me, say amen...
Bernice L. McFadden
February 1, 2015
Once and again...
Two days ago, I typed THE END....on my 15th novel: The Book of Harlan...
Since then, I've been decompressing...celebrating...mourning...wondering....
I typed the first words of The Book of Harlan, 3 1/2 years ago in Egypt ...it seems I've worked on this novel all around the world....Hawaii, Mexico, Europe, Australia...
In addition, 15 years ago today, I published my first novel: SUGAR...
Life since that first book has been amazing and fabulous and heartbreaking and awesome and surprising and I wouldn't take nothing for my journey now........
Bernice L. McFadden
Since then, I've been decompressing...celebrating...mourning...wondering....
I typed the first words of The Book of Harlan, 3 1/2 years ago in Egypt ...it seems I've worked on this novel all around the world....Hawaii, Mexico, Europe, Australia...
In addition, 15 years ago today, I published my first novel: SUGAR...
Life since that first book has been amazing and fabulous and heartbreaking and awesome and surprising and I wouldn't take nothing for my journey now........
Bernice L. McFadden
January 9, 2015
GLORIOUS on Kindle for just $2.99
This Kindle offer is so timely, seeing that one of the inspirations for this novel, was Zora Neale Hurston and if you didn't know, her birthday was on January 7th....had she lived, the Queen would have been 124 years old.
The other inspiration for this book is Nella Larsen, another literary icon from the Harlem Renaissance.
They're both here in this book, all balled into one charismatic character named, Easter...
Glorious is set against the backdrops of the Jim Crow South, the Harlem Renaissance, and the civil rights era. Blending the truth of American history with the fruits of Bernice L. McFadden’s rich imagination, this is the story of Easter Venetta Bartlett, a fictional Harlem Renaissance writer whose tumultuous path to success, ruin, and revival offers a candid portrait of the American experience in all its beauty and cruelty.
This ebook will be available to purchase for $2.99 until 1/25/15
Bernice L. McFadden
The other inspiration for this book is Nella Larsen, another literary icon from the Harlem Renaissance.
They're both here in this book, all balled into one charismatic character named, Easter...
Glorious is set against the backdrops of the Jim Crow South, the Harlem Renaissance, and the civil rights era. Blending the truth of American history with the fruits of Bernice L. McFadden’s rich imagination, this is the story of Easter Venetta Bartlett, a fictional Harlem Renaissance writer whose tumultuous path to success, ruin, and revival offers a candid portrait of the American experience in all its beauty and cruelty.
This ebook will be available to purchase for $2.99 until 1/25/15
Bernice L. McFadden
January 2, 2015
PrePub Alert: Loving Donovan forward by Terry McMillan
Happy New Year!
This new edition of Loving Donovan is very special because the fabulous, Terry McMillan has written a lovely Forward for the reissue. Similarly to movie and album releases - the first week of book sales are just as important for writers. So, I hope you'll pre-order your preferred edition (digital or paper) of Loving Donovan as soon as possible and it would be a great help to me if you would spread the word amongst the book lovers in your life!
Available on Kindle and Nook January 12th, 2015
Available in paperback everywhere on February 5th, 2015
A long-awaited reissue of this deeply thoughtful, award-winning novel about hope, forgiveness, and the cost of loving Donovan, a complex man with a shattered history.
One of Library Journal's 25 Key Indie Fiction Titles for Fall 2014-Winter 2015!
"Bernice L. McFadden is one of the best contemporary literary writers out there today...Her brilliance, her talent as a novelist, is the very life she breathes into all of her characters."
--Terry McMillan, from the Introduction
Upcoming Author EventsFeb 13, 2015: Nelson George, Bernice L. McFadden, Arthur Nersesian – NYU Creative Writing Program’s Reading Series, New York, NYMar 14, 2015: Bernice L. McFadden – Tucson Festival of Books, University of Arizona Campus, Tucson, AZMar 15, 2015: Bernice L. McFadden – Tucson Festival of Books, University of Arizona Campus, Tucson, AZMar 19, 2015: Bernice L. McFadden – 19th Annual Story Week Festival of Writers, Chicago, IL
Bernice L. McFadden
This new edition of Loving Donovan is very special because the fabulous, Terry McMillan has written a lovely Forward for the reissue. Similarly to movie and album releases - the first week of book sales are just as important for writers. So, I hope you'll pre-order your preferred edition (digital or paper) of Loving Donovan as soon as possible and it would be a great help to me if you would spread the word amongst the book lovers in your life!
Available on Kindle and Nook January 12th, 2015
Available in paperback everywhere on February 5th, 2015
A long-awaited reissue of this deeply thoughtful, award-winning novel about hope, forgiveness, and the cost of loving Donovan, a complex man with a shattered history.
One of Library Journal's 25 Key Indie Fiction Titles for Fall 2014-Winter 2015!
"Bernice L. McFadden is one of the best contemporary literary writers out there today...Her brilliance, her talent as a novelist, is the very life she breathes into all of her characters."
--Terry McMillan, from the Introduction
Upcoming Author EventsFeb 13, 2015: Nelson George, Bernice L. McFadden, Arthur Nersesian – NYU Creative Writing Program’s Reading Series, New York, NYMar 14, 2015: Bernice L. McFadden – Tucson Festival of Books, University of Arizona Campus, Tucson, AZMar 15, 2015: Bernice L. McFadden – Tucson Festival of Books, University of Arizona Campus, Tucson, AZMar 19, 2015: Bernice L. McFadden – 19th Annual Story Week Festival of Writers, Chicago, IL
Bernice L. McFadden
October 27, 2014
I lost a friend today...
Death is hardly expected. Even though we know it's inevitable.
The call I received today, literally knocked the wind out of me.
My friend, Sophia Black (Sophie to those dear to her) passed away today. She was just 47 years old.
She left a daughter here. A daughter just knee deep into her teenage years.
To say my heart is broke, would be an understatement.
We hadn't spoken in over a year. But I never stopped loving her. Sometimes and for various reasons, relationships go on hiatus for awhile.
The truth is, she was like a sister to me.
I think about her last hours on earth. Waking up, getting her daughter ready for school, heading off to work.
I wonder, was she not feeling well?
She had a weak heart.
Did she struggle to climb the subway steps this morning?
I hear, she loss consciousness at work. People worked to revive her. Office people? I don't know.
EMS came.
Was she dead on arrival? Did she die in the ambulance?
So many questions.
Sophie is free of this chaotic world. So my tears are for her daughter, who said goodbye to her mother - not knowing it was the last time she would see her alive.
I can't even imagine, yet, my mind continues to try.
The thing about losing a loved one, especially a child or someone in your age group, is after you learn of the transition - you're flooded with questions.
You ask God why? You ask why not me? (even though you ain't ready to go - you still ask)
You ask what purpose it'll serve to leave a child without its mother.
To leave a mother without its child. You question and question and question until your head hurts and you have no more tears left in you. And then this other thing happens.
This death...this eternal sleep as it is known - catapults you into life in a way you've not experienced in a while.
No matter how bad your life is - how difficult it is - you now grapple to cling to it. You set up doctors appointments, perhaps you fall to your knees in prayer or call up folk you previously vowed never speak to again, just to say, I love you.
The thing is this - we all have an appointed day and hour. There's no escaping it. But we continue to try. I guess its all apart of being human.
The thing is - this closed-eyed end of life phenomenon is always, always an eye-opening experience.
RIP Sophia Black -- you will be missed. I am so glad that we were alive at the same time...
Bernice L. McFadden
The call I received today, literally knocked the wind out of me.
My friend, Sophia Black (Sophie to those dear to her) passed away today. She was just 47 years old.
She left a daughter here. A daughter just knee deep into her teenage years.
To say my heart is broke, would be an understatement.
We hadn't spoken in over a year. But I never stopped loving her. Sometimes and for various reasons, relationships go on hiatus for awhile.
The truth is, she was like a sister to me.
I think about her last hours on earth. Waking up, getting her daughter ready for school, heading off to work.
I wonder, was she not feeling well?
She had a weak heart.
Did she struggle to climb the subway steps this morning?
I hear, she loss consciousness at work. People worked to revive her. Office people? I don't know.
EMS came.
Was she dead on arrival? Did she die in the ambulance?
So many questions.
Sophie is free of this chaotic world. So my tears are for her daughter, who said goodbye to her mother - not knowing it was the last time she would see her alive.
I can't even imagine, yet, my mind continues to try.
The thing about losing a loved one, especially a child or someone in your age group, is after you learn of the transition - you're flooded with questions.
You ask God why? You ask why not me? (even though you ain't ready to go - you still ask)
You ask what purpose it'll serve to leave a child without its mother.
To leave a mother without its child. You question and question and question until your head hurts and you have no more tears left in you. And then this other thing happens.
This death...this eternal sleep as it is known - catapults you into life in a way you've not experienced in a while.
No matter how bad your life is - how difficult it is - you now grapple to cling to it. You set up doctors appointments, perhaps you fall to your knees in prayer or call up folk you previously vowed never speak to again, just to say, I love you.
The thing is this - we all have an appointed day and hour. There's no escaping it. But we continue to try. I guess its all apart of being human.
The thing is - this closed-eyed end of life phenomenon is always, always an eye-opening experience.
RIP Sophia Black -- you will be missed. I am so glad that we were alive at the same time...
Bernice L. McFadden
October 22, 2014
October 16, 2014
Writing is practice...my first Sestina...
Writing is practice. Always practice. Always finding new ways to tell a story. This week I was challenged to write a Sestina.
A Sestina s a fixed verse form consisting of six stanzas of six lines each, normally followed by a three-line envoi. The words that end each line of the first stanza are used as line endings in each of the following stanzas, rotated in a set pattern.
It gave me a headache. Anything having to do with numbers and counting, usually does. In the end though, I was glad for the challenge. Here is my very first Sestina..I hope you enjoy it..
Mothers and Daughters (Sestina)
By Bernice L. McFadden
# Stanza 1... They say the hardest job in the world is mother... I think its eldest daughter.... From the first breath, prepped for a life ... as the future matriarch of a family.... Schooled early on in cooking, cleaning, loss, pain, love,... and how to smile even when you're not happy
# Stanza 2... I would have been better off as a boy, or the middle child of any sex, happy... at least to be born last. The baby. Avoiding the lessons on becoming a mother... left alone to figure out life and love... on my own terms, instead of those conditions placed on the first daughter,... crowned princess of a poor family, ... who understood survival, but was unclear about the pursuit of the joys of life.
# Stanza 3... Scrambled eggs, perfect toast - I knew how to cook it all by age six. What a life.... Let's just say, I grew up fast, but not happy.... I made it no secret, my distaste for the role of big sister in my family.... At ten years old, I shook a feather duster at my mother,... I don't want to be you, I said. I'm happy just being sister and daughter.... She called me ungrateful, said what I’m teaching you is not punishment, its love.
# Stanza 4... Love ain't sitting around in fluffy slippers, eating bon-bons, love ... is mostly about dealing with the shit of life,... cleaning toilets, dusting furniture, dealing with Salty-mouthed daughters, ... like you, who believe the world owes you something. Be happy... you have a me to teach you the truth. I didn't have a mother,... just an aunt, drunken uncle and three mean cats. That's not love or family.
# Stanza 5... I roll my eyes, tired of all of this talk about family,... about what it is to be loved and to love.... She's the one who wanted a husband and children, who wanted to be a mother,... I have no interest in that. I want to travel the world, ride camels, spend my life... in search of the perfect beach. I say, that's what will make me happy.... I don't care if I never get married or ever have a daughter.
# Stanza 6... Mama laughed, lit a cigarette, said: Oh my child, oh my daughter, ... you can circle the globe 100 times and it won't mean a thing without family.... You'll spend your life believing that you’re something other than unhappy, ... that a plane ticket and hotel room is all the love,... joy and adventure you need in your life.... Wait and see, she laughed. I know best, I'm your mother.
# Envoi (includes two keywords per line!)
Years later, I had a daughter and my world blossomed with love.Finally, a family of my own, a brightened life.Who knew that all my happy, would come from having a daughter? Oh yes, Mother.
All rights reserved © Bernice L. McFadden 2014
Bernice L. McFadden
