Bernice L. McFadden's Blog, page 10
May 2, 2013
Walking the Labyrinth of Life..
Yesterday, I found the labyrinth.
A labyrinth is an ancient symbol that relates to wholeness. It combines the imagery of the circle and the spiral into a meandering but purposeful path. The Labyrinth represents a journey to our own center and back again out into the world. Labyrinths have long been used as meditation and prayer tools.A labyrinth is an archetype with which we can have a direct experience. We can walk it. It is a metaphor for life's journey. It is a symbol that creates a sacred space and place and takes us out of our ego to "That Which Is Within."
It had not been a particularly good day for me. We have those days. Those days when life seems a little overwhelming.
All day the sun fought to be seen between the cloud cover and I spent most of the morning lamenting about the quickly approaching end of my time here. Yesterday, I had sixteen days left. Today, just fifteen days to go.
I decided to get out and take a walk through the wild flower field and continued on into the woods.
Something beckoned me to turn left, and I did and that's when I found the labyrinth.
My photo doesn't do it justice. From this vantage point it just looks like a bunch of scattered rocks. The aerial view is much more beautiful:
I walked the labyrinth, twice. The prayed and wept through the first journey and when I reached the center I sat down and thought about the CENTER of my life.
I had mixed emotions about where I was and where I thought I should be.
The second journey around the labyrinth was just as emotional, but sadness and despair had been replaced with joy and gratitude.
I returned to the house at around 2:30PM. Read some, wrote some, made a salad for dinner, watched a movie on Netflix and around 7PM, I could no longer keep my eyes open, so I went to bed and slept straight through till 6AM.
Journeying (physical and spiritual) takes a toll on the body.
I've got a number of decisions I need to make. One of which is if I will continue to make New York my home. I've got to tell you... I don't miss the concrete, the noise or the dirt. I do miss the people that I love and care about, but not much else.
Sigh....
As always, I'm working at trying to decipher the voices of my ancestors and guides - trying hard to hear them, way above the cacophony of my own voice, because they've never led me wrong.
One thing that keeps coming up is: Reiki -- now all I need to figure out is: Is this something I should pursue or just take advantage of???
Well, I guess I have to just wait and see on that one.
In any case, I plan to spend a lot of time at the labyrinth.
Have you ever been to one? How did it make you feel?
Bernice L. McFadden
A labyrinth is an ancient symbol that relates to wholeness. It combines the imagery of the circle and the spiral into a meandering but purposeful path. The Labyrinth represents a journey to our own center and back again out into the world. Labyrinths have long been used as meditation and prayer tools.A labyrinth is an archetype with which we can have a direct experience. We can walk it. It is a metaphor for life's journey. It is a symbol that creates a sacred space and place and takes us out of our ego to "That Which Is Within."
It had not been a particularly good day for me. We have those days. Those days when life seems a little overwhelming.
All day the sun fought to be seen between the cloud cover and I spent most of the morning lamenting about the quickly approaching end of my time here. Yesterday, I had sixteen days left. Today, just fifteen days to go.
I decided to get out and take a walk through the wild flower field and continued on into the woods.
Something beckoned me to turn left, and I did and that's when I found the labyrinth.
My photo doesn't do it justice. From this vantage point it just looks like a bunch of scattered rocks. The aerial view is much more beautiful:
I walked the labyrinth, twice. The prayed and wept through the first journey and when I reached the center I sat down and thought about the CENTER of my life.
I had mixed emotions about where I was and where I thought I should be.
The second journey around the labyrinth was just as emotional, but sadness and despair had been replaced with joy and gratitude.
I returned to the house at around 2:30PM. Read some, wrote some, made a salad for dinner, watched a movie on Netflix and around 7PM, I could no longer keep my eyes open, so I went to bed and slept straight through till 6AM.
Journeying (physical and spiritual) takes a toll on the body.
I've got a number of decisions I need to make. One of which is if I will continue to make New York my home. I've got to tell you... I don't miss the concrete, the noise or the dirt. I do miss the people that I love and care about, but not much else.
Sigh....
As always, I'm working at trying to decipher the voices of my ancestors and guides - trying hard to hear them, way above the cacophony of my own voice, because they've never led me wrong.
One thing that keeps coming up is: Reiki -- now all I need to figure out is: Is this something I should pursue or just take advantage of???
Well, I guess I have to just wait and see on that one.
In any case, I plan to spend a lot of time at the labyrinth.
Have you ever been to one? How did it make you feel?
Bernice L. McFadden
April 30, 2013
Oooh..La...La....Gathering of Waters is translated into French...
Oh yes, and the French gave it a new title...............................................................
Bernice L. McFadden
Bernice L. McFadden
Oooh..La...La....Gathering of Waters is translated to French...
Oh yes, and the French gave it a new title...............................................................
Bernice L. McFadden
Bernice L. McFadden
April 26, 2013
Writer Renewed.......
For the past four years, my head has been in a place far different from where it was when I first set out on this journey. I was quietly seduced and suddenly found myself caught up in the merry-go-round known as: Competitions.
Awards, prizes, and such...
They became very important to me and I, like so many of you, applied and applied and applied, trying hard to work some kind of magic into those submission and application letters. Spending weeks writing and re-writing statement of plans and/or the narrative autobiography - all of that work just to receive a rejection letter.
For a long time I was very idealistic about the whole process. I thought that all one had to do was write his/her best work and that would be enough. But it's not always the case. There's cronyism and favoritism and a lot of other "isms" that I won't get into.
But my head is clear now and I've come to realize that those competitions have nothing to do with why I set out on this journey to become a published writer. Those competitions weren't even on my mind when I decided I wanted to be an author. In fact, the only one I was aware of (way back when) was the Pulitzer and that seemed so far out of reach that I pushed it to the back of my mind where it stayed until I was nominated.
That nomination opened up a dam, and I've been treading water ever since.
I don't think art should be competitive. I think it should just..be.
I believe that if you start pondering about who is going to read something you haven't even begun to write - removes the soul from the story.
Write the story you want to read and always know that no matter what you write, there's an audience for it - even though you may have been told otherwise.
I've got over a hundred rejection letters telling me that there was no audience for my stories.
I've said this many of times, here: I write for me. If you like it, that makes me happy. If you don't -- well that's okay too.
Being here in this place (Serenbe), in the country, in fresh air, in serenity - has helped to clear my mind. I've returned to nature physically and figuratively. Being here has moved me back to that place in my studio basement apartment in Brooklyn, when I wrote for the sheer pleasure of writing. When the only thing that mattered in the stories I composed there, were the characters and the tales they shared with me.
They say you can't go back again - but you can - the mind is so magnificent that it grants us that opportunity.
So going forward, I vow to continue to write for me and try not to think about the money I'm not making or the awards I'm not winning and know that if I want to put the end of the story of my novel at the beginning and the beginning at the end, or use roman numerals instead of numbers to number the pages of my book or give ALL my male characters female names and ALL my female characters male names -- I can do that - because it's mine and I write for me, not an establishment. I write for the joy it brings me and if as a reader, my work brings you joy - well that's a double blessing.
Bernice L. McFadden
Awards, prizes, and such...
They became very important to me and I, like so many of you, applied and applied and applied, trying hard to work some kind of magic into those submission and application letters. Spending weeks writing and re-writing statement of plans and/or the narrative autobiography - all of that work just to receive a rejection letter.
For a long time I was very idealistic about the whole process. I thought that all one had to do was write his/her best work and that would be enough. But it's not always the case. There's cronyism and favoritism and a lot of other "isms" that I won't get into.
But my head is clear now and I've come to realize that those competitions have nothing to do with why I set out on this journey to become a published writer. Those competitions weren't even on my mind when I decided I wanted to be an author. In fact, the only one I was aware of (way back when) was the Pulitzer and that seemed so far out of reach that I pushed it to the back of my mind where it stayed until I was nominated.
That nomination opened up a dam, and I've been treading water ever since.
I don't think art should be competitive. I think it should just..be.
I believe that if you start pondering about who is going to read something you haven't even begun to write - removes the soul from the story.
Write the story you want to read and always know that no matter what you write, there's an audience for it - even though you may have been told otherwise.
I've got over a hundred rejection letters telling me that there was no audience for my stories.
I've said this many of times, here: I write for me. If you like it, that makes me happy. If you don't -- well that's okay too.
Being here in this place (Serenbe), in the country, in fresh air, in serenity - has helped to clear my mind. I've returned to nature physically and figuratively. Being here has moved me back to that place in my studio basement apartment in Brooklyn, when I wrote for the sheer pleasure of writing. When the only thing that mattered in the stories I composed there, were the characters and the tales they shared with me.
They say you can't go back again - but you can - the mind is so magnificent that it grants us that opportunity.
So going forward, I vow to continue to write for me and try not to think about the money I'm not making or the awards I'm not winning and know that if I want to put the end of the story of my novel at the beginning and the beginning at the end, or use roman numerals instead of numbers to number the pages of my book or give ALL my male characters female names and ALL my female characters male names -- I can do that - because it's mine and I write for me, not an establishment. I write for the joy it brings me and if as a reader, my work brings you joy - well that's a double blessing.
Bernice L. McFadden
April 23, 2013
Over The Rainbow......(500th Post!!!)
The first time I left the country I was seven years old. My younger bother, grandmother and I boarded a Pan Am flight headed to Barbados. I was hooked on travel, from that point on.
My brother and I spent the next few summers in Barbados and then it all came to an abrupt halt. From that point on, we spent our summers at sleep away camps in upstate New York.
The next time I boarded a flight to leave the country was in 1984. A year after I graduated from high school. That year I acquired my first passport. Getting a passport was more exciting for me than getting a license to drive!
In 2014, I will acquire my fourth passport!
Over the years, I've traveled to may parts of the world, and have had the pleasure of experiencing many different cultures and meeting a multitude of interesting people. I've found that I'm at my happiest when I'm traveling.
I often imagine that in my later years, I will be similar to that of the iconic character, whom I adore: Mame, based on the novel Auntie Mame: An Irreverent Escapade by Patrick Dennis. The national bestselling novel spawned a Broadway musical and two feature films.
During the times when I had no money to travel, me and friends would dive to JFK airport, park on the roof of the Pan Am building, climb onto the hood of the car and watch the planes take off and land. We would lie there, dreaming of the exotic places those planes were going, and pray that one day, we would be amongst the passengers heading there.
Dreams do come true.
I think my addiction to travel came directly from my desire to escape my circumstances. As you know, my youth was not always a happy one. I was trying -- am still trying - to get over the rainbow. To find a place where I am happy at least most of the time and more often than not - at peace.
That search continues today...but lately I'm feeling like I'm getting closer to hoisting myself over that proverbial rainbow.
What about you?
Bernice L. McFadden
My brother and I spent the next few summers in Barbados and then it all came to an abrupt halt. From that point on, we spent our summers at sleep away camps in upstate New York.
The next time I boarded a flight to leave the country was in 1984. A year after I graduated from high school. That year I acquired my first passport. Getting a passport was more exciting for me than getting a license to drive!
In 2014, I will acquire my fourth passport!
Over the years, I've traveled to may parts of the world, and have had the pleasure of experiencing many different cultures and meeting a multitude of interesting people. I've found that I'm at my happiest when I'm traveling.
I often imagine that in my later years, I will be similar to that of the iconic character, whom I adore: Mame, based on the novel Auntie Mame: An Irreverent Escapade by Patrick Dennis. The national bestselling novel spawned a Broadway musical and two feature films.
During the times when I had no money to travel, me and friends would dive to JFK airport, park on the roof of the Pan Am building, climb onto the hood of the car and watch the planes take off and land. We would lie there, dreaming of the exotic places those planes were going, and pray that one day, we would be amongst the passengers heading there.
Dreams do come true.
I think my addiction to travel came directly from my desire to escape my circumstances. As you know, my youth was not always a happy one. I was trying -- am still trying - to get over the rainbow. To find a place where I am happy at least most of the time and more often than not - at peace.
That search continues today...but lately I'm feeling like I'm getting closer to hoisting myself over that proverbial rainbow.
What about you?
Bernice L. McFadden
April 18, 2013
One Month, One Place, One Thing To Do: WRITE
Hey!
It's been sometime since I posted. As you know from my last post - my life has been a bit challenging...but I took sometime for me and set off to see a few parts of the world that I had not seen before.
Honolulu, Hawaii
Sydney, Australia
Rotorua, New Zealand
In Hawaii, I lounged on the beach and watched the kids learn to surf. I loved, loved Sydney...what a beautiful city. While there, I tried Kangaroo meat and it wasn't half bad. In New Zealand I luxuriated in the mineral rich waters, and watched my skin transform overnight.
I've been back stateside for just under three weeks and am happy to announce that I finally, finally got to visit Charleston, SC! I was there for a mere 24 hours, not nearly enough time to do and see all of the things that Charleston has to offer. So Charleston, keep an eye out for my return.
So where am I now?
Well, I am in the beautiful community of Serenbe, located in Palmetto County, Georgia.
I first learned about this community early last year, when HGTV was giving away there 2012 Green Home. I fell in love with the place and entered to win, more times than I am willing to share. (giggle)
In any case, Serenbe stayed on my mind and I promised myself that the next time I was in Georgia, I would drop in for a visit.
Back In October, my guides nudged me awake one night and suggested that I check to see if Serenbe had an artist in residency program. I always listen to my guides, they never steer me wrong!
The next day I did some research and found out that Serenbe did indeed have an artist residency program. I applied and here I am....!!
I have been installed in a beautiful three bedroom home with gourmet kitchen and all of the bells and whistles that make a home comfy and beautiful. But my favorite part of this house is the screened in porch, complete with swinging bed.......
How did they know.......???!!
I've only been here a day, and I'm already inspired!
Bernice L. McFadden
It's been sometime since I posted. As you know from my last post - my life has been a bit challenging...but I took sometime for me and set off to see a few parts of the world that I had not seen before.
Honolulu, Hawaii
Sydney, Australia
Rotorua, New ZealandIn Hawaii, I lounged on the beach and watched the kids learn to surf. I loved, loved Sydney...what a beautiful city. While there, I tried Kangaroo meat and it wasn't half bad. In New Zealand I luxuriated in the mineral rich waters, and watched my skin transform overnight.
I've been back stateside for just under three weeks and am happy to announce that I finally, finally got to visit Charleston, SC! I was there for a mere 24 hours, not nearly enough time to do and see all of the things that Charleston has to offer. So Charleston, keep an eye out for my return.
So where am I now?
Well, I am in the beautiful community of Serenbe, located in Palmetto County, Georgia.
I first learned about this community early last year, when HGTV was giving away there 2012 Green Home. I fell in love with the place and entered to win, more times than I am willing to share. (giggle)
In any case, Serenbe stayed on my mind and I promised myself that the next time I was in Georgia, I would drop in for a visit.
Back In October, my guides nudged me awake one night and suggested that I check to see if Serenbe had an artist in residency program. I always listen to my guides, they never steer me wrong!
The next day I did some research and found out that Serenbe did indeed have an artist residency program. I applied and here I am....!!
I have been installed in a beautiful three bedroom home with gourmet kitchen and all of the bells and whistles that make a home comfy and beautiful. But my favorite part of this house is the screened in porch, complete with swinging bed.......
How did they know.......???!!
I've only been here a day, and I'm already inspired!
Bernice L. McFadden
February 17, 2013
Journeys of the Heart.. #LifeAfter
I believe that this will be the most difficult challenge I've ever been charged with. Even as I type these words, I think about how many other times I've written them..typed them..uttered them...moaned and screamed them...but this my friend, I believe, is the real deal.
I mentioned in a previous post that my mother is experiencing some neurological issues. It has not yet been determined if it is dementia or Alzheimer's - but it is most certainly one of the two.
Over the past few days I've been a lone observer to the erratic mood swings and forgetfulness - and let me say, that it is a scary, scary thing.
I have to keep reminding myself that this mother of mine who for the most part seems like a stranger - is indeed my mother. Our resemblance is uncanny. I am her child and she is my mother.
There has been a lot of gritting of teeth, much inhaling and exhaling, pulling of hair and yes, tears.
I'm struggling with feelings of resentment. Trying to manage this new level of frustration, while the questions of Why me? Why her? Why us? and Why now? swirl like a storm in my head.
I want my mother back. The mother that raised, loved, protected and encouraged me. I want her back.
I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle this on my own - but I look around and see that I am alone.
Bernice L. McFadden
I mentioned in a previous post that my mother is experiencing some neurological issues. It has not yet been determined if it is dementia or Alzheimer's - but it is most certainly one of the two.
Over the past few days I've been a lone observer to the erratic mood swings and forgetfulness - and let me say, that it is a scary, scary thing.
I have to keep reminding myself that this mother of mine who for the most part seems like a stranger - is indeed my mother. Our resemblance is uncanny. I am her child and she is my mother.
There has been a lot of gritting of teeth, much inhaling and exhaling, pulling of hair and yes, tears.
I'm struggling with feelings of resentment. Trying to manage this new level of frustration, while the questions of Why me? Why her? Why us? and Why now? swirl like a storm in my head.
I want my mother back. The mother that raised, loved, protected and encouraged me. I want her back.
I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle this on my own - but I look around and see that I am alone.
Bernice L. McFadden
February 6, 2013
If You Want To Make God Laugh, Tell Him about YOUR plans.. #LifeAfter
I left Brooklyn, New York on January 12th. I will be headed back in a few days to fulfill some commitments I made months earlier.
I'm not ready to go back and the family situation I have waiting for me combined with the snowy forecast - is not helping my mood.
You see, just before I left New York, something I suspected was happening with my mother - was all but confirmed. Imagine my anguish and sadness.
With out giving too much away at this time, let's just say that my mother's situation will require plenty of hands on assistance - and given my self-employed - set my own hours - type of career - oh yeah, and I am the eldest child - It looks like I'm the one who will have to step up to the plate and handle things.
So, instead of me being away for months at a time - I will have to break up my trips, so that I can be in Brooklyn - more than I'm away from it.
My plans haven't completely gone up in smoke -- but they are smoldering a bit.
I've been thinking a lot about what my future holds, but mostly about who will step up to plate and take care of me, when and if I get to a point when my mind and/or body begins to fail me....and I got tell you the thought is scaring the hell out of me, because I don't believe that person has entered my life yet.
Bernice L. McFadden
I'm not ready to go back and the family situation I have waiting for me combined with the snowy forecast - is not helping my mood.
You see, just before I left New York, something I suspected was happening with my mother - was all but confirmed. Imagine my anguish and sadness.
With out giving too much away at this time, let's just say that my mother's situation will require plenty of hands on assistance - and given my self-employed - set my own hours - type of career - oh yeah, and I am the eldest child - It looks like I'm the one who will have to step up to the plate and handle things.
So, instead of me being away for months at a time - I will have to break up my trips, so that I can be in Brooklyn - more than I'm away from it.
My plans haven't completely gone up in smoke -- but they are smoldering a bit.
I've been thinking a lot about what my future holds, but mostly about who will step up to plate and take care of me, when and if I get to a point when my mind and/or body begins to fail me....and I got tell you the thought is scaring the hell out of me, because I don't believe that person has entered my life yet.
Bernice L. McFadden
February 3, 2013
BOOK NEWS!!!
I'm happy to announce that the long awaited reissue of my 2006 novel: Nowhere is a Place is on sale today!
"Compelling, beautifully written, and profoundly human, McFadden has conjured a tale of a fractured family who journey across the country and back through history to unearth painful truths that unexpectedly reshape their relationships with each other."--Lynn Nottage, Pulitzer Prize winning playwright of RuinedAt the end of Nowhere is a Place, I ask: Are We Related? Click hereand find out!
***********************************************************Do ya'll remember my alter-ego: Geneva Holliday?? Well, last year, Dafina Books purchased the Mass Market Paperback Rights toGROOVE, which was first published in 2005. GROOVE will be reissued on February 5th!!!
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The audio version of my New York Times Notable Book of 2012:Gathering of Waters is now available!
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New and Noteworthy
THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO CANE is a novel about inner-city youth in contemporary London. It's a meditation on pain and loss, the burden of heritage, and how the past can blur the present. It's about trust and the perceived lack of trust, disillusion, and its consequences. A world where everyone is the victim, and no one is to blame.
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Book Tour
Bernice L. McFadden, Courttia Newland - McNally Jackson, New York, NYBernice L. McFadden and Courttia Newland in conversation, moderated by Tracey Smith (Go On Girl! Book Club). Beer for this event will be lovingly provided by Brooklyn Brewery!Date: Feb 18, 2013, 7:00pm - 9:00pm Venue: McNally JacksonMap: 52 Prince Street, New York, New York, United StatesBernice L. McFadden, Courttia Newland - Enoch Pratt Free Library, Baltimore, MDThis event will be held in the Poe Room on the 2nd floor of the Central Library.Date: Feb 19, 2013, 6:30pm - 8:30pm Venue: Enoch Pratt Free LibraryMap: 400 Cathedral Street, Baltimore, Maryland, United StatesBernice L. McFadden, Courttia Newland - Greenlight Bookstore, Brooklyn, NYCosponsored, moderated, and introduced by Ron Kavanaugh, editor-in-chief and publisher of Mosaic magazine. Beer for this event will be lovingly provided by Brooklyn Brewery!Date: Feb 20, 2013, 7:30pm - 9:30pm Venue: Greenlight BookstoreMap: 686 Fulton Street, Brooklyn, New York, United StatesBernice L. McFadden - Warren County Public Library, Bowling Green, KYDate: Feb 28, 2013, 6:00pm - 8:00pm Venue: Warren County Public LibraryMap: 1225 State Street, Bowling Green, Kentucky, United StatesBernice L. McFadden - Detroit Public Library, Detroit, MIDate: Mar 2, 2013, 2:00pm - 4:00pm Venue: Detroit Public LibraryMap: 5201 Woodward Avenue, Detroit, Michigan, United StatesBernice L. McFadden - Divi Southwinds Hotel, Bridgetown, BarbadosInternational Women's Day Conference featuring Bernice L. McFadden, Terry McMillan, Dr. Anita Davis, Defoe, and Dr. Humphrey Crookendale.Date: Mar 9, 2013, 9:00am - 3:00pm Venue: Divi Southwinds HotelMap: Highway 7, Bridgetown, Barbados, Barbados
Bernice L. McFadden - Continental Manor, Norwalk, CT3rd Annual Book & Author LuncheonDate: Mar 16, 2013, 12:00pm - 3:00pm Venue: Continental ManorMap: 112 Main Street, Norwalk, Connecticut, United States
Bernice L. McFadden - Brooklyn Museum, Brooklyn, NYHeld in the American Identities Gallery. Part of the Brooklyn Museum's monthly "Target First Saturdays" series.Date: Apr 6, 2013, 7:30pm - 8:30pm Venue: Brooklyn MuseumMap: 200 Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn, New York, United States
