Dave Gorman's Blog, page 30

London - Los Angeles - Maidenhead - New Greenham (New preview gigs)

I'm in Los Angeles. The ten hour flight was actually quite nice. The five hour war of attrition that was the queues in LAX weren't. There are lots of different queues and lots of people in tight trousers shepherding you into this or that line. I did as I was told. Only I chose a very bad line.

From the back of the line it was impossible to see where the front of the line was. It emerged part way between several booths, two of which were occupied by Customs Officers. But only one of them was calling people from the front of our particular line. The other was looking to a different queue... one that was already being serviced by three other officers. The line to our left was also leading to multiple officers. Only our line was leading to only one officer.

But by the time that had become clear I was more than half way in. I'd already been queuing for 90 minutes. Leaving the queue to join the back of a new one wasn't really an option. None of them were moving fast. It's just all of them were moving faster.

There were rumblings of discontent from my fellow visitors. Screams of complaint were made. Quite something in an airport. Nobody wants to upset the people who decide whether or not you can enter a country after all. One man insisted to us that our line was leading to two different officers as if we were imagining what our own eyes could see us. He wandered by three times and had the same conversation. Before finally deciding that we might not be making it up and going to take a look himself. He then told the second officer that he was meant to be looking to our line for his next visitor and he duly obliged. Problem solved.

Except that he only processed two more people before clocking off. Fifteen minutes later a new officer turned up in his stead. And proceeded to invite people from the neighbouring line and not ours. Uproar broke out again. A couple of people were close to storming the barricades. There were what can only be described as hollers. Yes. Hollers.

Eventually a supervisor came along and was yelled at by five different irate passengers. You could see that she thought we were just a rowdy bunch who needed to understand that this process took time at first... but then slowly it dawned on her that there was sincere pain in those eyes and that we really had been in that line for three hours. In three hours I had travelled ten yards. She took us seriously. She asked who had been on the British Airways flight... a flurry of hands went up. Mine included. She pulls a handful of us out of the line and walked us - with begrudging apologies - straight to the front of some other lines. Such a relief.

Oh yeah... and then I picked up my suitcase and had to join the 40 minute queue to leave the airport. I've never seen one of those before. The journey from plane to hotel ended up taking up half the time of the flight itself. Ridiculous.

Having got here I checked my email to discover that I've got the chance to put in two more Edinburgh previews. I'm a firm believer that you can't do too many - and the four that were already in had sold out so I figured it was worth trying to squeeze another couple in. It's short notice so I hope we can still shift enough tickets to make them worthwhile.

They're on July 20th and July 21st. The first is in Maidenhead - at the Norden Farm Arts Centre (details) and the second is at the New Greenham Arts (details).

Thanks Folkestone

The Quarterhouse in Folkestone turns out to be a lovely venue and a great place for my first three previews. Doing a new show for the first time is an exciting and nerve-racking leap in the dark. The audience treated me gently and it was fun.

I like doing previews back to back like this... it becomes a sort of bootcamp. You do the show then spend the day changing it, then do it, then change it and so on. So it was three days of 8hrs cooped up in a hotel room powerpointing - yes, that is a verb - followed by a show each evening.

While the core material in each show was the same I did throw in a small amount of different stuff from night to night. But more usefully the order, the structure and some of the way in which it was put on screen were changed and I learned a whole lot about what belongs where. So thanks to all who came.

I was staying in Sandgate and went for a brief stroll on Wednesday morning - the only time I really saw anything of the area - and where I saw this sign...


















I was only there for three days.

Linked Out

A few weeks ago I tweeted something about how annoying I found the incessant emails from Linked In were.

I was hugely surprised by how widespread the hatred for them was. With things like that I don't expect most people to know what I'm talking about and of those that do, I don't expect many to share my frustrations.

But in this case they did. Nobody defended the site. Nobody told me that they found their emails helpful. And lots of people tweeted me to basically say, "Yes! If you ever find out how to make them stop, please let me know how you did it!"

Well I have made them stop... so I figured it was worth posting something here about it. As much as anything, it'll be easier to point people here in future than it will to explain afresh each time.

The first thing to say is that I don't really know what Linked In does but as far as I can tell it's meant to be a sort of facebook-for-work. My only encounter with them is as an unwanted presence in my inbox. They've been sending me emails... hundreds of emails, asking me to join the site for more than two years.

It looks like spam. It reads like spam. So surely it is spam? Apparently not. Linked In aren't fly-by-night shysters trying to hawk virility drugs, they're a hugely successful and seemingly respectable company. And technically - legally - it isn't spam.

Because technically the email doesn't come from Mr and Mrs Linked In any more than you'd identify an email from a hotmail address as coming from hotmail. Sort of. Because the emails would all come from the address invitations@linkedin.com but the message would be telling you that a specific person had invited you to join their 'professional network.'

Linked In are simply the messengers. They're doing what they're customer asked them to do. They haven't bought your address from a corrupt data-miner. They don't even have your email address on file. They're emailing you because they were asked in the same way that the post office do the same with your mail. It's not for them to stop and ask people how they got your address... they just do what they're told to do.

Which sounds reasonable... except anecdotally I'm not sure that's how their users think it works. I think - and if you know differently do let me know - that things are a little less clear than that.

The impression I have is that when someone signs up to Linked In they get a message saying something like, 'Would you like us to connect you with your contacts?' A lot of people say yes because... well, because what's the point of joining a social network if you don't connect with your contacts? - and then the system does the rest.

But that's not quite what people imagine is going on. A couple of people I've spoken to thought that clicking that button meant that Linked In would search its existing customer base to see if any of their contacts were already there. They thought the only people who'd be contacted were other people who'd chosen to join Linked In already. They didn't know that Linked In would be sending emails on their behalf and they certainly didn't know that when those emails were ignored Linked In would start sending reminder emails to chivvy you along.

But of course your email address isn't only known to your friends and family. If you reply to someone they get your email address. Are we supposed to remain hermetically sealed in our own online worlds never responding to anything anyone sends our way for fear that they will inadvertently create social-network spam for us further down the line?

Wouldn't it be much easier if you could just ask Linked In - a nice big, respectable company - to stop emailing you no matter who clicks what? You'd think so wouldn't you? But their emails never contained an unsubscribe link. Every time I searched for ways to make them stop emailing me I found the same piece of advice. The only way of making them stop is to join the site.

It starts to feel like a protection racket after a while.

I emailed various addresses and got no help. I asked their twitter account and got no help there either. When I first searched their FAQ I found questions about removing email addresses and thought I'd finally struck gold. But the answers always led to a login page.

It was like an endlessly looping conversation:
"You want to remove your email address? Sure thing... just go to your account page and change your settings."
"But I don't have an account. So I don't have an account page."
"That's okay... you can sign up and... "
Aggghhhh.

But then, one day I managed to find a magic link in the FAQ. It was a question about removing your address from a Do Not Contact list. In other words it was the exact opposite of what I wanted... but it was exciting because at least it proved that there was such a thing as a Do Not Contact list. (It just seemed wholly in keeping with Linked In's corporate mindset that they could only ever envisage people wanting to find out how to be more contactable rather than less.)

I clicked the link. It led to an email form. I had to change the pre-ordained subject line in order to make it say I wanted out and then I explained that I'd spent two years trying to make them leave me alone.

And it finally worked. I finally got a response... and they tell me I'm now on the Do Not Contact list. And so far I haven't heard from them. And I expect them to stay true to their word because they are a legit, law abiding company. Albeit one that annoys the hell out of me and - judging from my twitter stream - hundreds of other people too.

Interestingly the page I found seems to have been reworded since. (I'm not claiming that they've changed it because of me, I'm just mentioning it so that I don't get a load of messages telling me I'm wrong.) There is now a question in the FAQ that tells you how to add your address to the Do Not Contact list. Finally they acknowledge that there are people who don't want to hear from them!

It's still not the easiest link to find. I've replied to a few people telling them how I did it but I didn't have the link to hand at the time so I could only tell them that it existed. They've come back telling me that they couldn't find it. So here, for everyone else who feels spammed by Linked In, is the magic button to get you out of the system:
https://help.linkedin.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/426/kw/do not contact

I'd be interested to hear from anyone who uses the site to find out what it looks like from the inside? How clear is it that the site is emailing people on your behalf? I've no problem with those who like it... I just think that when a big company sends out so many emails and they don't make opting-out an easy option they might as well be spammers regardless of what the law says.

I love it when things like this happen...

In my new book I describe - amongst other things - a trip to Liverpool to play poker.

When I was making the trip I wasn't thinking it would one day be something I wrote about... it was just something I was doing for fun. One of the things I like about the process of writing is the way odd memories drip back into focus. I had a very clear memory of the walk from the train station to the hotel and I recall being struck by a pyramid shaped tomb in a graveyard. I describe it in the book as a 'show off's resting place for sure.'

Today, someone - @robdoylecouk - sent me a tweet with a link to this photo of the tomb by a flickr user TommyPatto:


Which has the following text accompanying it: "In which Mr.William McKenzie is entombed~seated at a table,with a winning hand of cards in his bony fingers....an inveterate gambler,it was said he bet,and lost,his soul in a game of poker with the devil...but,he reasoned,if he was never buried,Satan could not claim his prize....This is reputed to be one of the most haunted areas of the city.

I love discovering that the thing that had stayed in my memory since I made that poker trip is - allegedly - a poker tomb. My initial reaction was that I wished I'd known about the poker connection when I was writing the book... but actually, I quite like the fact that the connection has only just been made for me. Otherwise I don't think it would feel like a memory - more like a pre-researched "convenient" fact. I prefer the memory. And love the connection.

It's Father's Day

It's Father's Day today. Don't forget to send your old man a card.



Oh... and your Grandad. Don't forget to send your old-old man a card either. You know... everyone gets a card for Grandad on Father's Day don't they? Yeah. Of course they do. Nothing weird about that.


And don't forget Great-Grandad either. You must get your old-old-old man a card too.


When did this start happening? How have I missed it til now? What?

La-titude

Latitude, originally uploaded by Dave Gorman.

Unfortunately - due to unforeseen circumstances - I've had to pull out of Latitude.

It's genuinely my favourite festival in the land and I really wanted to be there, not just for my event but for all the great music.

And the odd things you find in the woods.

And the pink sheep.

Unfortunately, any excuse is going to sound a bit mealy mouthed because I'm going to be in LA.

It's for a TV show I'm working on but wasn't expecting to be doing on these dates.

'Yeah, yeah,' I hear you say... 'you're dumping a tent for the glamour of an LA hotel.'

I can only apologise. And promise that I will pretend to queue for 40 minutes each morning in my flip flops before taking a cold shower.

Besides, the festival line up is amazing! I really do wish I could be there. Go! Enjoy!

Non-Fiction

I'm really chuffed with the reaction to the book so far. Thanks to all who've written/emailed/tweeted etc.

I'm especially pleased to say that everyone I've heard from who's in the book has - so far - been happy with it. With non-fiction I think there's a real responsibility to discuss the people you meet fairly and they seem to think that's what I've done so far.

I always do as much Q&A at the readings as I can - because I want people to feel like they found out what they want to know rather than what I want to tell them - and also because it makes them feel less like a sales pitch (even though, I obviously do want folks to buy the book) - and on Monday in Nottingham I was asked a couple of questions that related to this side of non-fiction writing.

Unusually there were eight people amongst the crowd who are also within the book's pages. One of them is a friend of mine who appears in the acknowledgements because he offered me a lot of advice while I was writing but seven of them are a part of the story one way or another. There were three sock-golfers, two Cluedo-ers, one Guess-Who-er and a swearing vicar. (And a partridge in a pear tree (© @ash_sportygeek)

It added something to the reading having so much evidence of the tale's veracity in the room and added something to the Q&A too. Very satisfying.

Meanwhile in Stafford on Tuesday I just discovered a distant cousin I didn't know I had.

What I hope a graph of the book sales looks like

Yesterday...

... was publication day.


I'm enjoying the readings.


I'll be doing one in Bath tonight (June 3) and then:
Nottingham on June 6,
Stafford on June 7
Manchester on June 9
Newcastle on June 10
Leeds on June 15

and then at Latitude some time between July 14 and 17.








See Live Dates for more details.
And of course, you can buy a copy here.

Tales From The Crypt

Absolute Radio have got a bit of a thing for putting live music in unusual venues but I think they excelled themselves on Thursday night when they organised for Elbow to play in the crypt of St Paul's cathedral.










It was the first gig of its kind in the venue and the band did an amazing job of tailoring what they do to suit.

It was pretty darned special.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Pete and Guy before the gig. (Have I mentioned that I love my job?)














There's a video of our interview here and excerpts from it will be appearing on my show on Sunday, June 5th (I'm on between 10am and 12 noon) and the gig will be broadcast on the station that night from 7pm.

A book and tour RAQ.

I think I've probably taken a similar picture to this for every book I've written. You have to really. Because a stack of a thousand copies just looks too weird not to.

The first time you see a bound copy of a book you've written it's exciting. It's hard to believe it's real until then. But then it's exciting all over again when you see a thousand of them all in one place. It's definitely real then.

This is how they look, stacked up, ready to be signed. They bring at least four people in to help with the process forming a small production line.

As you work through the pile someone will be pushing fresh copies up to your end of the table. Someone else moves a fresh book under your nose, someone else moves the signed copies out of the way and someone else boxes them up. It would take three or four times as long if they just left you in a room with a thousand books. Open a book on the wrong page. Flick to the right page. Sign it. Move it. Pick up another. Do that ten times. Then stop to move the ten you've signed out of the way to make room for the next lot and to move the next lot within reach and so on and so on. Not only do they make it into a quicker process, it also makes the room a kind of chatty place and that makes it feel quicker too.

My signature has morphed over the years. It isn't especially legible at the best of times - in my head it's my initials, but on the page it's not always that clear - but if you end up buying any of number 850, 851 or 852 from this day; my apologies. I was cramping up around then. We had a quick break before doing the others.

I mentioned on twitter that I was doing a stock-signing and several people asked me whether the signed copies were to go with the free-bowling offer I mentioned in my last post. They're not.

Answering that question then led to several people asking me where they were destined for and as I've had a lot of questions lately about the autumn tour and the imminent book release I figured it might be worth posting a sort of FAQ that deals with the recurring questions I've been asked of late. More a Recently Asked Questions than a Frequently Asked Questions... but you get the idea.

I know these sort of things can appear indulgent or self-important to people who weren't asking these questions... so apologies for that. But enough people are asking to make it seem useful for some. Here goes.

What's going to happen to the 1000 books you signed?
I don't know. I expect they'll be heading to various shops. But if I find out about any offers I'll blog them and tweet them.

Can I order a signed copy?
Yes you can. I'm doing a load of readings to promote the book during the first couple of weeks. The details of where and when are on the live dates page of my site. If you come along to any of those readings you'll be able to buy a copy and obviously I'll be happy to sign it. But even if you can't attend, if you contact any of those shops in advance they're normally more than happy to arrange one for you. They are shops after all!

Are the book and the autumn tour about the same thing? Will one be a spoiler for the other?
No they're not. One isn't a version of the other. They're completely separate entities. The stand-up show I'll tour in October/November is just that: a stand-up show. There isn't an overriding theme to it and it isn't one of the more theatrical story telling shows I've done in the past.

What is going to be in the stand-up show?
I can't tell you for sure. I haven't finished writing it yet. Nobody I know writes a show at their desk then takes it all out live for the first time for night one of a tour. They evolve. With the last tour I was for the most part able to try material out in small clubs round and about. But in the second half of the show there was a chunk of material that was too techy for that and I've found myself wanting to experiment more with that sort of thing. Which is why I set up my monthly night at Hoxton Hall. I've really enjoyed those gigs new material has been shaping up nicely. But there are a few to go between now and the start of the tour and each one is a chance for me to play with new things that might or might not make the cut.

What's the book about then?
It's about 340 pages. Badum tish. More accurately, it's about this.

Why do some shops charge for the book reading and others don't?
The book readings are organised by my publisher. I don't get paid for doing them. I do them because they're fun and I want the book to do well. Some shops can't accommodate a reading so they have to hire a venue. Some shops give a glass of wine. Some charge a small amount but make it redeemable against the price of the book. It's about covering their costs.

Why aren't you doing a gig near me?
I don't book venues, they book me. It might be that they didn't want the show. It might be that they did but didn't have any dates available which worked for me. I don't know more than that. But I don't sit with a map crossing out towns that I don't like any more than I'm playing towns because I do like them. It's a bit more pragmatic than that I'm afraid.