Dave Gorman's Blog, page 24

Pub Olympics - TONIGHT!

Pub, originally uploaded by Dave Gorman.

A little while ago I mentioned recording a one-off show for Radio 2 called The Pub Olympics.

It's not really about the Olympics. Or pubs for that matter. It is however quite silly. I hosted it and the guests were Geoff Lloyd, Chris Addison, Roisin Conaty & Seymour Mace. All ace.

The BBC website describes it as "a very silly panel show that takes place in a world where the Pub Olympics is far more important than that other Olympics you might have heard about." And I reckon that's as good a description as any.

Anyway... it's on tonight. 10.30pm. Radio 2.

Pub Olympics

Pub, originally uploaded by Dave Gorman.

A little while ago I mentioned recording a one-off show for Radio 2 called The Pub Olympics.

It's not really about the Olympics. Or pubs for that matter. It is however quite silly. I hosted it and the guests were Geoff Lloyd, Chris Addison, Roisin Conaty & Seymour Mace. All ace.

The BBC website describes it as "a very silly panel show that takes place in a world where the Pub Olympics is far more important than that other Olympics you might have heard about." And I reckon that's as good a description as any.

Anyway... it's on tonight. 10.30pm. Radio 2.

Good Advice

Letterbox Mosaic, originally uploaded by Dave Gorman.

I like the website, Letters of Note. They dig out some amazing correspondence from some amazing people. (For example, you might feel voyeuristic reading this but you surely won't feel unmoved. It's beautiful)

They have a twitter account which often points to interesting stuff too.

A couple of days ago, they linked to this blog by Brian Brushwood. In it he explains how, as a young man, he wrote to Teller - of Penn & Teller - asking for advice on finding his own voice as a magician.

Teller is generous with his wisdom. He replies. His reply is beautiful. It is also, very good advice. I've no doubt it's the best advice, not just for anyone who wants to be a magician - but for anyone who wants to perform at all. And probably for others too.

The next time someone asks me for advice about starting in stand up... I'm just going to send them this link. It says it far better than I would.

Some more thoughts - and information - on that Nicky Paris spam thing...

I've had so many emails and tweets about my
Unfortunately, that seems to be how Nicky himself saw it. At least if the two friends who came to his defense are anything to go by. According to them, I'm "a hater" and I'm trying to ruin his dreams. I really don't want to encourage a pitchfork wielding mob. As I said in my initial post - and repeatedly in the comments below it - I wish Nicky well. Genuinely. The only thing I have a problem with is the spam. The rest is none of my business. The spam is my business because it was sent to me. And because spam is everyone's business. Spam makes the internet a less pleasant place to be. Sending spam is like dropping litter. It doesn't have to be dropped in my front garden* to offend me. Litter is everyone's concern. And so is spam.

Unfortunately, it's not really possible to discuss all this without namechecking Nicky. I suppose I could have tried... but it's definitely impossible to discuss it without namechecking the spambots and as all they do is namecheck Nicky that's pretty much the same thing. Each spambot is dedicated to the same task. Churning out the following tweet over and over and over again:

When I wrote the initial post I was aware of close to a dozen spam accounts. But lots of people have been in touch telling me about more and more. With thanks to the many net-detectives amongst you, these, as far as I know, are the accounts that are still active, alongside the number of tweets they've sent so far:

TheFunnyMouse1 (14,925)
TheFunnyShrimp (13,125)
TheFunnyCroc (12,670)
TheFunnyPeanut (12,644)
TheFunnyCheetah (12,102)
TheFunnyHouse (11,697)
TheFunnyCherry (11,547)
TheFunnyCake (11,361)
Princess_Peach7 (11,324)
TheFunnyTooth (11,321)
TheFunnyDragon (10,643)
TheFunnyKitty (10,255)
TheFunnyBaby (9,740)
TheFunnyCupcake (9,494)
TheFunnyCow (8,554)
TheFunnyCamera (5,266)
TheFunnyWitch (4,430)
TheFunnyLips (4,421)
TheFunnyMustach (1,798)
TheFunnyDiamond (1,523)
TheFunnyCoconut (1,270)
TheFunnyFrog1 (1,245)
TheFunnyHeart (1,229)
TheFunnyDuck1 (1,016)

Which makes for a staggering 193,600 tweets from 24 different accounts... all saying:

No matter which way you look at it, that's an astounding little industry he's got going there.

And that's only the tip of the iceberg. He was also sending the same tweet from the accounts, TheFunnyWhale (proof) and TheFunnyGenie. But he's recently closed both of those down. It was TheFunnyWhale that first spammed me and he deleted that account after I'd replied intimating I knew what was going on. I assume something similar occurred to inspire the early demise of TheFunnyGenie too.

But there are more. It turns out Nicky's already had several other accounts suspended. It's not hard to verify that he has sent the same spam from accounts called TheFunnyOwl(p), TheFunnyPanda (p), TheFunnyBird1 (p), TheFunnyGranny (p) TheFunnyBear1 (p) and the not quite so TheFunny titled, BritBrit123123 (p), TheJokerWild1 (p) and JoyceJoyJoy1 (p) all of which are now suspended. It's not hard to work out why.

That's 24 active accounts, 2 accounts that he's shut down himself and another 8 that have been closed down by Twitter. 34 accounts in total. And there are bound to be more. These are just the accounts turned out by a few curious souls as fascinated by the situation as I am. I don't think it's fanciful to imagine he's sent that tweet - you know, that tweet - more than 300,000 times. In fact that seems like a highly conservative estimate to me.

But there's the odd thing. With the knowledge that at least 8 accounts have been closed down already, comes the knowledge that Nicky knows he's not supposed to be doing what he's doing. He might see no wrong in it himself... but he knows that it's against Twitter's rules. He must do. They've caught him at least eight times.

And to my mind, that makes it seem like an even more foolish course to steer. Because every time he sets off another batch of spam, he runs the risk of being caught again. And surely he runs the risk of the people at Twitter joining the dots between all of these different accounts and closing down all of them. Including TheNickyParis. In which case, all his efforts will have been for nought.

I really do think it's a shame that Nicky took what I said as a personal attack. I really did mean it when I said I wished him well. It really is only the spam I have a problem with. When it comes to spam, I'll go along with the accusation that I'm "a hater".

Unfortunately I know a few people decided to tweet unpleasantness his way - and one person has been on a mission to email folks and "grass him up" all of which makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. I think spam is wrong. I think this kind of spam is obnoxious. But he is just 19.

If I was him, I'd delete the spam accounts myself. It's surely only a matter of time before they get closed down anyway.

If you dislike spam you should report it. Don't send him any aggression. Do report each of the active accounts above. (Unless you don't want to. In which case don't.)

It's just I think that spam makes the internet a less pleasant place to be. It's like litter. And it doesn't have to be in your own front garden to be a problem.












* I don't even have a garden.

On the show this week...

The two songs I brought in from home were:

Calamity Song by The Decemberists:


I've been a fan of The Decemberists for years, but my second choice was a far more recent discovery. It was Kill You by The Severed Limb. There's little in that song-title/band-name combination to suggest skiffle... but that's what it is, and it's ace.

First I'm gonna kill you, then I'm gonna bill you the price of the bullet. That's a fine lyric, right there.

The show also featured an interview with Daniel Radcliffe who picked a track of his own too. It was Zorbing by Stornoway - a fine choice indeed. In fact, many moons ago, it too was one of my songs-I've-brought-in-from-home.


The interview was filmed and there are a series of videos from it on the Absolute Radio website, here if you fancy it.

Of course that - and all the other nonsense, Found Poetry, Ward's Weekly Word, Martin's Song, The Pun Street Planning Committee and Listener's Lexicon are all in the podcast, which you can get from itunes here, or, if itunes isn't your bag, from here.

After the show was done I had to high tail it to the train station so that I could head to Doncaster for the final night of the Doncaster Comedy Festival. It had been a while since I'd done the show but it was amazing how easily the tour team of me, Kumar and Jay Foreman (I'm still the only act touring with a rhyming support act) slipped back into our normal pre-show dynamic. It was a lovely show.

And I didn't forget to revive the Hello-photo tradition.

So, Hello Donny:

Yup. Nothing says welcome like a wicker man.

This show fell outside the usual tour because of the festival. The next live dates will be at the end of March, when I'll be doing two warm-up shows in Newbury and one in Chelmsford before the four night run in London at the start of April. Come along!

Giving a young actor a helping hand...

There we were, just chatting, when a photographer walked in and snapped us. That's why we look so relaxed and natural.

My interview with Daniel Radcliffe is on the show tomorrow. He was bloomin' lovely.

Do You Think He's Named After The Hilton Sisters?

One of the questions most often asked in interviews is, "How did you start out in comedy?" (Of course, I'm sure a fair few people want to ask, "are you ever planning to start out in comedy?" but that rarely comes up in interviews).

The answer to the question is, I'm afraid, rather dull. Because like everyone else I know that's involved in comedy, you start out by doing it for free and keep doing it until someone pays you. (Fingers crossed, that'll be happening for me some day soon.)

That's it. There aren't really any short cuts. People always want short cuts. New acts often want to know how to get an agent. The chances are that any act asking how to get an agent doesn't really need an agent. And when they're at a stage where an agent can help them, they'll find there are agents there offering to help. That's how it works.

I feel like an old man typing this. But I was once a 19 year old stand-up who thought he needed an agent. I was wrong. I didn't. Not when I'd done so few gigs.

The only things you need to do at that stage are to write and to perform. As much as you can. And the places you'll be performing at aren't the kind of places that deal with agents. Or rather, they aren't the kind of places that agents want to deal with.

And the kind of places that agents do deal with aren't interested in you because you're not ready for them. So add a third thing to the list: write, perform and spend time on the phone looking for opportunities to perform. Be your own agent. That's pretty much the only advice you can give someone who's starting out. Work as much as you can. You get better. And as you get better, other things will come to you. (Fingers crossed, that'll be happening for me some day soon.)

I apologise for the avuncular, old-man tone of this blog. You didn't ask for advice and it's arrogant to assume anyone would just roll up here looking for it. It was prompted by something I saw on twitter yesterday. Like I say, people always want shortcuts.

It started when I received a tweet last night from @TheFunnyWhale. The tweet said, "u guys gotta book @TheNickyParis. 19 yr old comic in nyc who is BLOWING UP he's done a bunch of radio interviews check his page."

It seemed kind of odd. It piqued my interest. But not so much my interest in Nicky Paris. I looked up @TheFunnyWhale.

The account described itself as "promoting the funniest people on twitter." Uh huh. I wasn't sure if that meant they were working for some comedians or were just someone trying to help out people they'd seen and liked? Their last twelve or more tweets had all been sent to people who host radio shows and all said the exact same thing so it was obvious they were pretty keen on this Nicky Paris guy. But what about the tweets before that? Who else had they been tweeting about? Who else had they deemed worth promoting? There were hundreds and hundreds of tweets. With identical words. Each and every one said, "FOLLOW 1 OF THE BEST Comedians on twitter my pal @THENICKYPARIS u'll LOVE his tweets! ILL FOLLOW U! Tweets are perfect 4 RT"

That was it. 600 tweets telling people to follow Nicky Paris and a dozen or so telling radio shows to book him. And no other tweets. Wow. It seemed fairly obvious that Nicky Paris was tweeting as TheFunnyWhale. Which made me chuckle. I tweeted back:

TheFunnyWhale didn't seem to like the insinuation. They replied that they went to school with him, were a big fan of his and had no other connection to him.

At which point they told me I was being rude and blocked me.

Now at this stage it might look like I was being a bit of a bully. He's obviously just a 19 year old kid, looking for a short cut and creating a separate account to shill for him might have seemed like a good idea. It's no biggie. There's no need to give him a hard time. Pfft. I was only teasing him.

But it turns out there's more. Lots more.

And these aren't the only ones. As well as TheFunnyMouse1, TheFunnyLips, TheFunnyCupcake, TheFunnyDiamond and TheFunnyPeanut There's also TheFunnyCoconut, TheFunnyMustach, TheFunnyWitch, TheFunnyCamera and more. Many, many more. There are loads of similarly named accounts all tweeting the same thing over and over and over and over. They get closed down occasionally, but new accounts get created and so it goes on. And on. And on and on and on.

I can't think of a worse way to promote comedy. He might be brilliant. He might be shit. Comedy is always a matter of taste and I'm on side with anyone who gets on stage and gives it a fair go.

But spam is insincere. Spam is dishonest. These are qualities that destroy comedy. Comedy thrives on sincerity and honesty. Spam tries to con us. Spam is used to sell dodgy goods. It's used by people who claim they're selling insurance/high-end-watches/mortgages/medicines/porn but are actually doing no such thing. Smart people learn to spot spam and they don't trust it.

If there's one thing worse than a comedian tweeting "Follow me, I'm the best!" it's surely one who pays others to tweet it for him. I do wish Nicky Paris a bright future. I suspect that's more likely to happen when he stops looking for the short cut.

On the show this week...

The two songs I brought in from home for yesterday's show were a) Capricornia by Allo Darlin'

I've played a few Allo Darlin' songs over the couple of years I've been doing Absolute Radio and they've always been well received. As was this one.

And b) Hush If You Must by Brooke Waggoner

who's new to me... but turns out to be fab.

I think it was my favourite show for a few months with some amazing tweets and emails and the like from folks at home. At least I assume they were at home. They could have been anywhere. We started with some discussion of urinal-etiquette before moving sideways into a discussion about being scrutinised... which prompted this tweet from Ian B: "When I first met my ex-girlfriend's Dad, he was polishing a gun. Turned out he collects antique guns, but still. Scrutiny." Yup.

Found Poetry returned this week alongside our other regular features; Ward's Weekly Word and Martin's Song and of course there were the usual podcast only extras too. Some controversy was soundly dealt with in the Pun Street Planning Committee Council Chamber. Good.

Of course you can get the latest podcast here, or for you non-itunes folks, here.

A few people have asked me if I'll be doing the show next Sunday given that I'm gigging at the Doncaster Comedy Festival that night (come on down!)... and the answer is that yes, I will be. I'll be doing the show as normal and then hot footing it to the train station.

10 Times A Day...

For the last three weeks I have been asked the same question at least 10 times a day. Over 210 times and counting.

Here is the answer.


This man has a red beard and a face that does not resemble mine.

I am not him.

He is not me.

I am not in the Sainsbury's Finance Ad.




I hope that's cleared things up.

If not, maybe this will. This is what it would look like if I was in it.

On the show this week...

These were the two songs I brought in to my Absolute Radio show this week:

Good Morning Freedom by Blue Mink:


That's a corker isn't it?

And then, in a completely different vein, but bloomin' lovely all the same, Counting My Fingers by Maz Totterdell:


We spent much of the show discussing stories that could end with the words, "but I was only trying to help..." and, as usual, our listeners had some corkers. If I learned one thing it's never ask a child to feed the goldfish if you're not absolutely sure they know where the fish food is. I was particularly fond of a tweet from Alex Mcaleer who told us that "as a young girl my mother decided it would be nice to light the candles on the Xmas tree for when her parents came home"... if only because it was followed by the perfect final line: "As you can imagine, it went up like a Xmas tree".

We had most of the usual regular features (Danielle's obsession with Michael Fassbender is becoming worrying, mind) but also introduced something new that I think we'll return to every now and then - The Autofill Quiz.

This started because I tried to google the word Dentist on Friday night while being slightly distracted by other things. (Not toothache, as it happens).
I've never really paid much attention to Google's autofill suggestions before. I know it always tries to guess whatever it is you're looking for, I've just never paused to see what those guesses are. But on Friday I did. The first guess when I'd typed in just a 'D' was Debenhams. With an 'e' added it was still Debenhams, obviously,... but when I added the 'n' it became Denise Welch. Google thought it more likely that I was searching for Denise Welch than Denzel Washington. Well, she had just won Celebrity Big Brother. Apparently.

It made google seem like a living, breathing entity. Something that not only tried to finish your sentences for you but changed its guesses according to time and place. It knew I was in the UK, it knew that Denise Welch was arousing unusual levels of curiosity at that time and so it must have adjusted its guess accordingly. (Surely, it wouldn't have offered up the same guess a couple of months ago, would it?)

So I tried typing in some questions and found myself growing interested in the assumptions it was making. Do that many people really want to know if you can adopt an adult? Or yawn in your sleep? It seemed like a nice way of randomly generating 26 questions - questions that, according to google, lots of people must ask. (Can you a... gave me one question, can you b...... gave me another and so on through to can you z...)

And the result was, well, an Autofill Quiz. It made sense at the time. Like I say, I think we'll revisit the idea in the future - changing the start of the question to generate a different quiz - so if you think you might want to be on the show and take part on the phone, then email us here.

The podcast was full of the usual extras - and there's more in the Someday Podcast too. You can get the latest podcast here, or for you non-itunes folks, here.