Sheralyn Pratt's Blog, page 9

Fun for Friday

This stolen from FunnyorDie, author Joe Burton. Gotta share the things that make us smile :)






WHY MEN ARE SELDOM DEPRESSED

Men Are Just Happier People -- 
What do you expect from such simple creatures? 
Your last name stays put. 
The garage is all yours. 
Wedding plans take care of themselves. 
Chocolate is just another snack. 
You can never be pregnant. 
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. 
You can wear NO shirt to a water park. 
Car mechanics tell you the truth. 
The world is your urinal. 
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. 
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. 
Same work, more pay. 
Wrinkles add character. 
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. 
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. 
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. 
One mood all the time. 
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 
know stuff about tanks. 
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. 
You can open all your own jars. 
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 
If someone forgets to invite you, 
He or she can still be your friend. 
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. 
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. 
You almost never have strap problems in public. 
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. 
Everything on your face stays its original color. 
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. 
You only have to shave your face and neck. 
You can play with toys all your life. 
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. 
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. 
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. 
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. 
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On December 24 in 25 minutes. 

NICKNAMES
· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
· If Mike, Dave and Chuck go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.


EATING OUT
· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and Chuck will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. 
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
· When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


MONEY
· A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
· A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


BATHROOMS
· A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
· The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. 
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


ARGUMENTS
· A woman has the last word in any argument.
· Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


FUTURE
· A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
· A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


MARRIAGE
· A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
· A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


DRESSING UP
· A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, 
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
· A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


NATURAL
· Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed..
· Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


OFFSPRING
· Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and 
romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
· A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Ninja Marketing Myths

Hey there!

For those of you who missed the Ninja Novel Writing Convention online this past Saturday, I thought I would just post my little piece of it here for anyone who is interested. Feel free to shout out any of the many myths I missed :)



Marketing Myths Writing Ninjas Must DefyBy: Sheralyn Pratt
Ninjas, attheir cores, are rebels. They're not up in everyone's face about it, though.Ninjas know that in their day-to-day lives they must appear normal, even ordinary.But when certain things need to be done? They don the persona of an icon and takecare of business.
Such isnecessary for authors looking to market their books.
You're readingthis article right now because you're looking for a marketing plan. Maybe thisis your first time out of the gate and you're revved up and ready to go, ormaybe you've been around the block a couple of times and looking for somethingnew. Either way, you've no doubt heard a LOT of advice and been given a lot ofto-do items.
But you're aninja now. And ninjas don't uphold the status quo. They take it out with a puffdart and disappear into shadow, leaving others to wonder what in the world justhappened.
Ninjasintroduce change.
Moreimportantly, ninjas don't do things half way or give up because the task is harder than they originally planned. Once aninja accepts an assignment, success is the only acceptable outcome. That said,are you ready to become a ninja? Because it means doing things a littledifferently and never giving up. It means scrapping all the rules "specialists"give you if they don't get you where you want to be. The fact is, to beremembered and get where you want to be, you need to introduce change. Thismeans that there are some rules you MUST break if you want to be a ninja marketer.
Here are 5of them.

MYTH #1: THINK BIG
Nearly everyfirst-time author falls into this trap because, to them, the publishing businessis still just a fantasy and it's easy to imagine themselves as a rising star.But guess what? Ninjas don't live and operate as if hypothetical, idealizedfutures are fated to become a reality. They operate in the here and now,focused on a goal. If it's not relevant to the moment, a ninja probably isn'tthinking about it and neither should you!
Think ofyour task—what's sitting right in front of you. Not a fantasy situation whereyou are carried on the shoulders of an adoring crowd. (Unless, of course, thatIS what you're dealing with in the moment. Then by all means, ride that pony!)
But DON'Tthink big. Think NOW.
Granted, thinkingbig is good if you have big money and tons of manpower, but chances are youdon't. I don't know how many authors I've worked with that say something like,"Well, if I could just get an ad in (insert your favorite large paper's namehere), my sales would jump!" They dream up a fantasy situation that hands themsuccess with little-to-no effort on their part and sigh with longing.
Suchfantasies are a feel-good lie. If it were that easy, everyone would be doingit.
You are anauthor. You create content that people will either value or they won't, whichmeans your best endorsements will ALWAYS come by word of mouth. Always. (Althoughyour cover and synopsis definitely help, too.) Your goals are to:
Get people to read your bookGet them to talk about it favorably

There are asmany ways to do this as there are people on this planet, but as a ninja, youneed to take stock of your current environment and work with what you've got—notwhat could be. What is. The fact is that you're small and your greatest battleswill be one on small battlegrounds in the beginning of your career. Youroverall plan for literary domination can be as big as you want it to be. Infact, your overall vision should be epic. But do NOT let your marketingapproach and investments get caught up in the emotion of your vision.
Always THINKNOW, until the day comes where thinking big ispart of your now. Then, and only then, will you know the best move to make goingforward.

MYTH #2: DO WHAT YOU LOVE, THE MONEY WILLFOLLOW
This mantrahas its place, but it's not in marketing. Unless you're a full-bloodednarcissist, self-promotion is one of the most uncomfortable things you will do.It just is.
So hint: ifyou're not uncomfortable when you're marketing, you're not doing everything youcan.If your bookis like having the family you always wanted and living in the house you alwaysimagined, then marketing is the job you go to everyday to make sure you canmake the mortgage payments.
In short,marketing is work. So unless you've mastered the Zen art of turning work intojoyous play, then chances are you're going to have your moments of wanting tostop paddling mid-stream while marketing. Normal people do give up when thegoing gets uncomfortable.
Ninjasdon't.

MYTH #3: AIM FOR YOUR GOALS
If you'vetaken any form of martial art, you know that when striking a nose, you don'taim for the nose. You aim six inches behind it. If you want to break a board,you don't aim for the board. You aim behind it. Breaking the board isincidental to getting where you're going.
There aremany ways this rule applies to ninja marketing.
Yes, youwant to "break your board" but achieving your goal is incidental to aiming somewhereelse.The first examplethat comes to mind relates to signings. Few authors like doing unpublicizedsignings where you feel like you're guilting passersby into buying yourbook.  Still, these authors may go totheir signing and say to themselves, "I want to sell twenty books."
Well, here'sanother hint: authors who go into a signing with the sole goal of selling Xnumber of books probably aren't going to sell that many unless they have asolid elevator speech down and a very universal book. You know what mostauthors do who have the art of signing down? They don't go in wanting to sell Xnumber of books. They go in trying to create X number of impressions.
·        I will sign 50 people up for my newsletter.·        I will talk to 100 people.·        I'm taking 200 bookmarks and not leaving withany.·        I will learn every employee's name on duty andleave a store copy of my book for them to read.
Things likethat—things that actually connect you with people and create an open adialogue. Things that people will remember about you and be able to talk aboutto others.
"Oh, I met that author at Costco. She wasway nice and her book sounded interesting."
Thatstatement goes a lot further in advancing your cause than:
"Oh, I met that author at Costco one day. SOpushy! It took me like five minutes to get away from him."
Remember, peoplerarely buy anything the first time they see it unless they are highlyincentivized by an experience or an endorsement that they trust implicitly. Onaverage, people need 7-20 exposures before they will give something a try.Remember that, and make it your goal to create as many impressions as possibleto the same target demographic. Thenthe sales will come.
MYTH #4: PRACTICE MAKES PERFECTThe mostdamaging lies are the ones that sound good—the ones that seem like they shouldbe true. Practice makes perfect. Sounds good, right? All your effort turninginto something perfect over time? But any ninja can tell you that practice doesnot make perfect.
Practicemakes habit.
If youpractice something wrong over and over and over, you will do it wrong verywell. And you will likely become so entrenched and invested in doing it wrongthat you will not be open to helpful directions from someone who sees yourerror. After all, you've put so much effort in mastering how to do it poorly.
Just becauseyou've always done something a certain way, doesn't necessarily mean thatyou're getting the best benefit out of what you're doing. The #1 thing you cando is keep an open ear when people around you mention things they see that areproblematic. And when I say this, I'm talking mainly about outsiders who haveno emotional involvement in your book or its marketing. People who are justgoing about their day, see what you're doing and say, "Um, based on myexperience, this might work for you."These arepeople to listen to.
For example,for several years I coached students who competed in the Sport Karate circuit.My specialty was forms. Yes, I did choreography but the real reason people cameto me was to get rid of the flaws in their technique that would lead to aseries of minor deductions that could potentially take them off the podium. Asa coach, I didn't care how advanced their routine was or how many flips theydid. I cared if their kick was a kick, their punch was a punch, and whetherthey knew how to land in a stance.
Most didn't.
They were socaught up in being flashy, that they literally couldn't even stand correctly.If I were to hold something up in front of their punch while they were doingtheir form, they'd likely break a wrist. Many of these students were sointerested in looking cool that the basics had suffered. As a result, they werecoming to me baffled that they werelosing in competitions when they could land a 720 or do a back flip out of aball kick.
Thediagnosis was simple: they had practiced imperfectly, and now were only capableof doing very flawed forms with a whole lot of attitude and confidence.
It takes alot of humility to go back to the basics once you think they no longer apply toyou. Some of my students didn't. They were convinced that it didn't matter whattheir feet looked like when they landed or how solid their punch was beforethey moved into a barrel role. They saw me as a killjoy for stopping them afterthe first kick of their form, correcting them, and making them drill somethingas simple as a sidekick. I mean, c'mon! They were black belts and that waswhite belt stuff.
Needless tosay, those students didn't have many sessions with me and went on to findcoaches that said things they wanted to hear, all the while continuing to bebaffled—claiming tournaments were rigged when they continued not to place.
I'll bet youcan tell me what happened with the students who went back to the basics,practiced them perfectly, and created new habits, though.
Be open tocasual critiques—especially if the person making them has nothing to gain orlose by you following their advice.

MYTH #5: BE YOURSELFAnother dangerouslie, so seductive because it seems so inherently true. But tell me, are ninjas"themselves"? Do they show up to "work" in what they wear around the house?
No. Theydon't. We all know a ninja when we see them, because we know what they wear.And when people see you, they need to know they're seeing an author.
Embrace it:you're an author. People WANT you to have some level of prestige and mystique.They want to remember you. They want to look at you and see something thatcompels them to read what you have written. As a rule, you are selling themfantasy—an escape. So don't show up looking like someone who lives down thestreet. They know that story.
Embody your workin how you present yourself. Let readers see what they're buying the momentthey see you and your set up. Let the people stop who are on your wave lengthand let those who hurry past hurry past. You don't want to waste your time withsomeone who will politely hear you out and then run away as soon as there's anopening because you write romance and he's a fifty-year-old divorced man whoonly reads presidential biographies.
Let him go…with a bookmark if that's one of your goals, but let that fish swim!
Representingyour protagonists and NOT being yourself is one of the best things you can doat a signing. After all, very few readers actually care about you, personally.No offense, but they don't. You are a ninja to them—mysterious. The messenger. Mostpeople imagine authors are some elusive creature that sees the world in a waythey just can't.
Embrace thelegacy authors before you have established. Build on it! Because here's anotherhint: If you shatter or are unable to maintain that illusion, people will justassume you're not a good author, which only makes them feel better about notgetting your book.
IN CONCLUSION:Remember, tobe a ninja you must defy the status quo. You must live in the now and resistthe pull to live and act as if your imaginings of the future hold sway in thepresent. You must leave your comfort zone and do things that lie outside yourfantasy plan but will be highly effective in reality. You need to aim beyondthe mark of simply creating book sales to creating positive impressions, whilerealizing that doing what you've always done may not be the best option. Youmay need to have objective third parties take a look at your trajectory andthen listen to changes they think you should consider. And you also need torealize that being perceived as an author is more important to readers thanbeing perceived as you. Like a ninja, you need to personify what you're aboutwhen you go to task. Leave the ordinary you at home, and go out and kick somebutt.
That's howninjas get the job done.

Meet Up With Me Online or In Person This Weekend

In case we aren't Facebook friends and you haven't heard yet, this weekend is going to be a fun one. If you have time between 1-4 pm this Saturday, meet me and dozens of other authors at the South Towne Barnes & Noble Authorpalooza (just north of the South Towne Mall, next to Target).

And just in case you're on the fence whether to come, anyone who stops by and leaves their email address will get a free Rhea Jensen tie-in novella from me in the next few weeks. And no, I won't put your email address on a spam list or anything. You'll just get the book the second it comes out :)

But say you don't live in the Salt Lake area. That's okay, because I will also be participating in the Ninja Novel Conference. If you're a writer, check it out! You will meet great people and learn a TON!

So that's what I'm doing this weekend... followed by a little UFC.

Hope to see you online or in person, and have a great weekend!

A Note on Health and Hypothyroidism

**I claim no understanding of what I describe below. I have no expertise in the area of health or medicine, but I share this in case it somehow helps you.

This post has nothing to do with writing. It's a shout out to any of you out there dancing with thyroid issues. Hypothyroidism seems to run in my family. For years I've had the symptoms, and the past six months have felt like a slow descent into the grave--a constant exhaustion that no amount of sleep can put a dent in, the lack of desire to do anything in general, and whole bunch of other joyous symptoms.

For years I've asked around for solutions and treatments for hypothyroidism. People always had things they were trying, but still always said that they were dealing with symptoms. And since what people were telling me to try didn't seem to be working for them, I ultimately did nothing. Nor did I go to the doctor. I didn't want to get on a medication to mask the symptom of whatever problem I had, and I didn't want to go the route of cutting the thyroid out, either. I wanted to find out what was wrong and fix it. The way I see it, unless I fix it, I just pass the problem on to another generation that will either become dependent on medication to function themselves, cut it out like I hypothetically did, or be left to fix the problem that I didn't fix.

Somewhere, deep down, I just felt like this was something I needed to fix, not treat, and that somehow I would trip over the answer.

Then, four weeks ago, my brother sent me this unsolicited email:

I know I told you most of this, but I thought I would put it in writing.

Thyroid stuff: bacteria balance in your gut, the milk intolerance is a big hint combined with a greater tolerance for yogurt. Broken down lactose is the difference between those two things, of course with other things.

http://www.wellnessresources.com/

Check the leptin and/or thyroid packs, or whatever gets your attention.

Harmons sells roasted garlic, I just learned this today and bought some. I had got their olives before. Olives contribute to a healthy gut. Garlic does too, and is a good source of selenium, which among other things takes the inactive form of Thyroid hormone and allows it to become active at a cellular level.

Avoid white flour for sure, probably go low or no gluten, low to no sugar, pay attention to your reaction to fruits if you can.

Iosol, which you have already but I got from the above link.

Most of all, happy new year.

At the time my brother sent this, I literally didn't have the attention span to read the whole email (yes, that's how bad things had gotten). Pressing on the link just seemed to be too much effort and some of the sentences just seemed too long to finish. But one thing caught my attention as I read through the email: don't eat white flour, and for some reason I decided right then and right there that white flour was out and decided to cut it from my diet.

And if you want to know my reasoning for this, I can't give you any. It was an impulsive, "girl" decision that jived with other things I'd heard people say about flour being an aggravator.

The next day I realized that my impulsive decision basically meant all flour was out, based on how food is made in American, but still, I pressed on… and an amazing thing happened:

I had energy!!

The next day was even better, and after a measly 72 hours, I was starting to have glimpses of the me I used to be. Simply by not eating grain!

On day four I made some rice and absolutely crashed. After eating it I could barely make it through the rest of the night, so I woke up the next morning and cut rice as well.

It has now been four weeks since I started this experiment and I've only had flour once in that time. Some friends begged me to try some amazing rolls, so I did. I knew it wouldn't be worth it, and it wasn't, but that's okay. I don't think it set me back too much.

So this post is for any of you who may be where I was a month ago and dealing with similar health issues. The following are the changes I have experienced from dropping grains from my diet:

A dramatic increase in energy—as in up at least 40% and climbing. It's a happy, happy thing.A shifting palate. Things that used to taste good don't anymore. I don't pretend to understand this, nor have I heard anyone else talk about it, but it is weird to make something you've always thought you liked only to find it disgusting. For example, eggs taste like sulfur to me now. Don't know what that's about…Increased sensitivity to rich foods. Before I just ate rich food, no problem. Now a simple Skor bar will give me a stomach ache. (Is it weird that I find that exciting?)I feel caffeine now. This is an area where not many can relate to me, but my whole life caffeine and sugar have put me to sleep—immediately. No sugar or caffeine highs, just a crash. Give me a Mountain Dew and I'll be on the couch asleep within five minutes. I've never understood this, and had many-a-health-nut test me on this reaction to caffeine. But for the first time, about five days ago, I felt what it feels like to be wired on caffeine. I drank something with a mild amount of caffeine in it before bed, only to spend the next couple of hours staring at the wall and fighting the urge to go for a run. Just to make sure it wasn't a fluke, I tried some caffeine at work the next day, and voila! I was wired, my legs almost cramping from sitting all day.In the first two weeks, I dropped 7 pounds. Definitely a step in the right direction.

Those are the five major changes within the four weeks of cutting white flour in particular, and grains in general out of my diet.

I realize this post isn't for everyone, but if you're like I was, walking around exhausted beyond words, are constantly gaining weight, no matter what you eat, get cold easy, get sore easy, have dry, pale skin and weakening fingernails, in addition to other symptoms of hypothyroidism, this post is for you.

Of course you need to do whatever you think is best for you when it comes to your health. I'm not here to tell you what to do if you're happily on a medication that is working for you or you prefer to take counsel from someone with a PhD, but I can tell you this: my life has turned around and taken a change for the better in a HUGE way be doing the following:

Dropping all grainsSupplementing with iodine (I do use the Iosol my brother recommends)Eating iron-rich foodsSupplement with trace minerals

I still don't have a menu down for what to eat in a world where grains are off the menu (suggestions welcome). Right now my diet is pretty vegetable heavy, which is working well. If you have any ideas for me, feel free to leave them in the comment field, along with any other comments. I know that many of you prefer to email me rather than leave comments, but in this case, please leave your comment for everyone. That way your input can help someone else as well.

Here's looking forward to an energetic year! :)

Flagrant Nepotism

You may have noticed that I don't like to do a lot of reviews on here. Reviews are for other sites. I read a lot, but for a couple of years I've been in this sad place where I don't read for enjoyment. I read to learn.

That being the case, it just doesn't seem fair to review books.

But music? I'm a little more comfortable there. And I'll warn you that nepotism is involved in this post. I've been going to my cousin Jon Schmidt's concerts ever since I was in double digits. Probably even younger. For as long as I can remember, he's been taking a chance on himself and his music, performing and composing almost constantly. An artist's life is not easy--especially when you have a family to support. But Jon has done so with grace, humor, and as much style as a guy in dad-jeans can.

Last year he and some friends started up a youtube channel called The Piano Guys, and that is what I'm shamelessly promoting today. Below are a couple of their videos--just a few examples of what ANY of us can achieve if we are anxiously engaged in a good cause... when we develop a skill, apply it, and share it.

Hope the vids inspire you too! They're a youtube channel totally worth subscribing to, because there's definitely more where this came from :)

My Un-Christmas Thought

First off, Merry Christmas! Even though I didn't send cards out this year showcasing how cute my dog is, know that I send you the warmest of holiday wishes nonetheless.

Yet, while many are making their lists and checking them twice, my thoughts are in a much more futile place. Rather than hunting down last minute Christmas presents, my mind is dwelling on this thought: How long is too long to wait to put two main characters together?

In the interest of full disclosure, I must confess I have an opinion on this matter: I believe in organic unions, with only rare cases where people create insurmountable ninja gauntlets to protect them from potential relationships with people they are madly in love with.

And yet, there is example after example of storytellers who fear bringing their protagonists together because they think their plot cannot survive the loss of sexual tension. Here again, I disagree. In my mind, a consummated relationship is an even stickier web than when the couple was just dancing around each other. Now they have to dance in each other's space, not around the perimeter, and that's a whole new game.

But clearly I am an outlier in this way of thinking, which is why I ask you my non-Christmas question: Do you think bringing couples together in TV or fiction destroys a series? There are definitely examples where it has. No doubt. But was it REALLY because the characters got together, or did the show's producers put the characters together because they knew they were nearing the end of their ride?

What do you think, my fellow readers and writers?

How long do you like to wait before seeing two characters get together? And how long is too long? Literary, TV, and film examples of relationships done right and wrong are welcome!

Looking forward to your thoughts!

Lunar Eclipse Coming This Weekend

For those of you interested in such things, this Saturday morning there will be a lunar eclipse as the moon sets in the west. It should begin about 5:45 a.m. and continue through 7:00 a.m.
If the skies are clear, this means the moon will turn totally red or gray as it passes through the earth's shadow. According to my astronomer uncle (who is the reason I know such things as this), it should be beautiful. The weather projections for Saturday right now are vague, but they say mostly sunny with some overcast.
So... if you feel like seeing the moon go red, this Saturday morning is your morning. Get your cameras ready and enjoy :)

Who's With Me?

We've all seen the trailer. Some of us *clears throat* have been panting for it. I won't lie or try to be cool about it. I think the first book in The Hunger Games trilogy is one of the most perfect books ever written. I love, love, LOVE it.
And the movie looks FANTASTIC!
So it's time to start planning. I have a friend who always has Harry Potter parties for all the movies (and Harry's birthday), so I'm thinking I may need a party to celebrate what I hope will be an EPIC movie that I repeatedly watch in theaters. (Honest opinion, is overindulgent to watch it several times the first day? Just wondering.)
Five months. It hurts my heart to think of how long the wait is, but the date will come. Soon it will be 12:01 on March 23, 2012 and I will be sitting in a theater waiting for the room to go dark.
Who's with me?

Playlist: Done. Now Time for the Book

The environment each writer needs to create is very personal. There's not write or wrong way to write. There's just the way that works for you. Me? I'm too ADD to write in silence. My mind and body will seek distraction.
And seeking distraction = No writing getting done.
So I need music--and not just any music. My music needs are actually very particular if I want to focus in and actually write. The music needs to set the tone for the book. It has to be very particular and match the vibe, energy, and message I'm putting onto the page. Each song has to be a triple threat in speaking for one of the characters in the book, whether that character is large or small. In that regard, having access to my playlist is about as close as you can get to having spoilers.
That said, I present you with the youtube playlist for UnPleasant Grove. If you HATE spoilers and even the smallest sneak peeks, by all means, don't click. But if you like to get a whiff of what's coming a little in advance, feel free to listen in on the music I currently have on loop, pretty much 24/7.
Thanks for reading (as always)!

"Like" Rhea on Facebook!

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I've finally done it: Rhea has a "Like" page on Facebook.
This is a good thing, since I'm a MUCH better Facebook-er than I am blogger. So for questions, comments, giveaways, and updates, you now have one, consolidated place you can look.
Go "Like" the Rhea Jensen Series on Facebook now and I'll see you online :)