Roy L. Pickering Jr.'s Blog, page 11
October 14, 2016
For Indie Authors Seeking Reviews
BREAKING: NOW ACCEPTING REVIEW REQUESTS FROM INDIE AUTHORS
I plan to review independently published novels(with perhaps a sprinkle of non-fiction thrown in) on a regular basis when the calendar turns to 2017. No genres barred (reading only one type/genre of book seems extremely dull to me), which is not to say that I will read everything that comes my way. I may take a pass on most queries for I intend to be picky, my selection criteria based strictly on what sounds like "my kind of book". DIVERSITY welcomed, PRINT my preferred format (I might read a PDF on screen in rare exceptions, but when it comes to reading I’m a non-Kindle owning huge fan of ink on paper). In addition to a synopsis I'll want to see a brief excerpt from your book to help me decide. For a taste of my reviewing style, type "book reviews" into the Search bar. Or you can peruse my collection of reviews at goodreads.
The world of publishing is a brutal place no matter how you go about it, as I have learned in multiple ways. If you’ve written a masterpiece that literary agents and editors somehow failed to recognize the beauty of, perhaps I can assist in spreading positive word of mouth for it. You got into this after all to be a WRITER who would rather be writing than banging your head against the wall to self promote. I'm well aware that reaching the masses and getting them to give you a chance is no easy task. I’ve certainly appreciated those kind enough to publicly heap kind words upon my prose.
Whether it’s your book or somebody else’s, I’m going to be reading something regardless because I LOVE BOOKS.
Email review queries to mudhousebooks@gmail.com
Kindle Scout campaign for #MattersOfConvenience is over, but excerpt will be up at Amazon for at least 15 more days https://t.co/7CdTi9I1Qs pic.twitter.com/RCQaY5ZEY4— Seeks K-Scout Votes (@AuthorofPatches) October 14, 2016
September 20, 2016
FIRST DAY ON THE JOB
First day on the Job
Short Story by Roy L. Pickering, Jr.
Curtis took a discretely proud peek at his reflection in the tinted window of a lime green Mercedes. His muscled torso was accentuated by the snug fit of his brand new policeman's uniform. He struck an imposing figure as he patrolled streets that he had grown to manhood roaming. Surely no one would be foolish enough to break the law on his vigilant watch. But if criminal activity were to take place, he was well prepared for the task of maintaining order and safety for the citizens under his protection.
Despite enduring criticism upon announcement of his decision to become one of the city's finest, Curtis was positive that he had been born to do this. The way to combat the many legitimate accusations of brutality and racial profiling by the police force was not to cry out in impotent anger, but to become an active part of the solution.
He took off his hat for a moment and rubbed a hand over his cleanly shaved, chocolate brown skull. His friends asserted that brown and blue did not, and could not mix. Curtis looked forward to proving them wrong. More so, he was anxious to prove his worth and advance rapidly through the ranks. Once he made detective he would marry Denise, buy a house out in the suburbs, and get started on the family he had planned on being the head of for as far back as he could remember.
"Looks like I'm going to have a quiet first day on the job," said Curtis to his partner Steve.
"Don't get ahead of yourself rookie," advised Officer Steven Coley. "The sun is just beginning to set. Darkness gives people foolish ideas."
"Well, we'll be there to give those fools second thoughts, won't we?"
Instead of answering the question, Steve chuckled, his belly shaking under a uniform that seemed about to burst at the seams.
"Quite the eager beaver, aren't you? Believe it or not, I was once as primed to charge forth and do good as you are now."
"So what happened?" Curtis asked, examining the gray that had begun to invade his partner's curly blonde sideburns. "Have you seen too much to care anymore? Have you grown jaded?"
"Nope," replied Steve. "I've just grown up."
* * * * *
Leonard looked over the grocery store that was laid out before his vantage point behind the cashier's counter. He was not searching for anything in particular, simply admiring each object within view because it was all his very own to admire. Every can of soup, bag of potato chips, bottle of detergent, was his to sell and profit from. Years of hard work and frugality had paid off. As of today, Leonard was a business owner. He had earned his proverbial forty acres and a mule. The dream that always felt within reach, no matter how many setbacks and complications kept them away, was now firmly within his appreciative grasp.
Mr. Kim seemed like a good man and had sold him the store at a fair price, now that he was ready to retire and move back to Korea. Leonard wished him well. Still, he felt that justice had been served by the passing of this store from the Korean man's hands into his own. In order for money to replenish and revitalize this neighborhood it needed to circulate throughout the black community, not flow out into the hands of outsiders. Leonard had been born and raised less than twenty blocks from the establishment he came to acquire. But although the distance traveled was physically short, several decades of strenuously worked muscles and judicious application of his studies were needed to complete the journey.
Leonard had big plans. He would not be content merely to make a good living supplying his neighbors with bare necessities. Little by little he would expand the inventory until his store stood out from nearby competitors. People would walk a few extra blocks to obtain what he alone could offer them. He intended to give the store an Afrocentric flavor, to make it a source not only of personal, but also of neighborhood pride.
He may have been starting small, but felt confident customer loyalty would eventually enable him to branch out into other areas of interest. Leonard was determined to become not only a successful businessman, but also a leader, a pillar of his community. He had always believed that most limitations were self-imposed, that all goals were attainable through hard work and commitment to a vision. No less than the world had been imagined for himself, and this store was to be just the first chunk of it.
A young man in his early twenties or late teens walked through the door. He was greeted with a nod and slight grin that Leonard could not suppress. Although numerous people had been in and out to make purchases throughout the day, the feeling of euphoric unreality had not quite evaporated yet. Leonard had only been more proud on one other occasion, the birth of his son. Julian was now assured of a mighty inheritance, an empire that would be built one happy customer at a time.
* * * * *
Marshall prayed that his apprehension was masked, for if not, his intentions would be apparent. He was ashamed of his actions in advance of their undertaking, but had been left with little choice in the matter. His mother was sick, real sick, and the only think keeping agony at bay was her medication. The medicine was not free, now that insurance was no longer part of the equation, and it was not cheap, not by a long shot. Somebody had to take care of Mama, and the list of applicants consisted of Marshall alone.
He noticed a poster of Malcolm X in contemplation on the wall and took this to be a sign of support for his cause. After all, Malcolm had made the words "by any means necessary" a legendary battle cry. Marshall had no shortage of necessity. As for means, this was it, his lone option. His mother required her medication, and those who supplied it required to be paid. This meant that Marshall needed money, plenty of it, quick. There was not enough time to earn it honestly, so he had set out in search of someplace and someone to take it from. His feet led him to this grocery store, and instinct made him stop and decide this was as good a place and time as any.
Marshall felt his nervousness slowly giving way to resolution that was spiced with anger. It was unfair that he was forced to stoop so low. He had never stolen from anyone before, never hurt anybody. This wasn't the type of person he had ever intended to be. He was an honor roll student, known and even teased for his clean cut lifestyle. Living otherwise had not really been an alternative. His mother raised him from day one to always do right. She had done this on her own, having long ago been abandoned by Marshall's father, and no one could have done a better job. Marshall did not want to let his mother down. But this wish was crushed under the weight of his desire to ease her suffering.
He grabbed a bag of something that he didn't bother to take notice of and headed towards the grocer. The longer he hesitated, the greater the chance that his nerve would be lost. Marshall experienced one last quiver of doubt when he realized that his crime would be against one of his own. He could have sworn a Korean man ran this store. But it was too late for such a thing to be consequential. An unstoppable surge of momentum was pushing Marshall towards his destiny.
* * * * *
"I'm going to run across the street to get a pack of cigarettes. This is my last pack and then I'm quitting for good. It's my one vice and we cops can't afford bad habits, ain't that right?"
Officer Coley suspected that the remark was a dig at his increasingly prominent beer gut. Then again, he may have become oversensitive to the issue since Erma had gone on an exercise kick and started harassing him about his physical condition.
"You going on the patch, rookie?"
"Nah," answered Curtis. "Cold turkey. Once I make a decision, I stick to it. I don't need any outside help."
"Whatever you say. I'll wait out here."
"You want me to get you anything?"
"No, I'm fine."
Curtis headed towards the grocery store, crossing at the crosswalk after looking both ways for traffic like any law abiding citizen should. He recalled with amusement Denise's remark that he had developed a new stride, a cop walk, as he walked around their apartment in his new uniform, his polished badge gleaming, the weapon in his holster and nightstick by his side granting him officially licensed power. As a six foot three African American male with a chiseled frame that may as well have been armor, Curtis was used to being considered intimidating. But in his new wardrobe, in his new professional capacity, with his new "cop walk", a layer of respect had been applied to the apprehension he naturally evoked. And Curtis was reveling in it.
* * * * *
Leonard took a glance at his watch. It was just closing time. The young man headed towards him held a bag of cashews that would be the final sale of Leonard's first day as an entrepreneur. A dollar bill, the first one earned, was taped to the wall behind him. He intended to bring in a picture frame for it tomorrow.
The approaching customer had tightly braided hair, like Latrell Spreewell of the New York Knicks. Now that he was on the short track to affluence, Leonard was considering whether to loosen his purse strings for the opportunity to become a season ticket holder. It would be a well-deserved reward for a life-time of industriousness.
"Will that be all, young man?"
* * * * *
"No sir," answered Marshall in a near whisper. He cleared his throat to properly enunciate his demand. "I also want you to hand over all of your money."
"What?" Not wishing to confuse, Marshall removed the gun in his waistband and pointed its barrel towards the grocer. From this point on he was certain that his intentions would be perfectly clear, questions unnecessary.
"I see," said the man behind the counter in a voice that taunted with its calmness. Although Marshall was the one calling the shots, the one in possession of the deadly weapon, he had never been more frightened in his life.
"Take it easy, son. I'll give you whatever you want. Just take a deep breath and gather yourself. There's no reason for anybody to get hurt."
Marshal looked down and saw what the grocer had seen, that his hand was shaking uncontrollably, not a good sign when one of its fingers was on a trigger. He felt a trickle of sweat sliding down his temple, even though it was comfortably cool in the grocery store. This show of fear shamed him. He half expected the grocer to laugh at his amateurish behavior. If he did, it would be his final act, for Marshall would not tolerate being ridiculed. He had entered this store with the intention of committing a neat and efficient armed robbery that would solve all of his problems. Now he just wanted this terrifying ordeal to be over with, one way or another.
"May I ask you something?" asked Leonard as he gathered together the bills in his cash register. "I don't wish to offend, but don't you want to do something meaningful with your life? Don't you want to contribute to society instead of leeching off of it? Because the truth is, all you're doing is digging a hole with bad choices to bury yourself in. Is that what you want?"
"I just want some medicine for my mom," Marshall said, desperate to resume command of a situation that seemed to have a mind of its own, to accomplish the goal he had set for himself, to stem the blinding tears that the grocer's questions had unleashed, and to convey to this man that he was not a bad person, appearances to the contrary, that his trembling hand had been forced by events beyond his control. "I can't afford to worry about that other stuff right now. I can't afford nothing but that medicine, and with the money in your register, I can get it. I didn't dig this hole. I was born in it. Now I'm trying to climb out, cause my mom can't survive in a hole much longer. Do you understand?"
"Yes, I think I do."
* * * * *
Officer Curtis Mason, hotshot rookie cop eagerly anticipating his first opportunity to combat evil in any form he saw it perpetrated, strode through the door of a neighborhood grocery store. There he came across an unexpected sight that caused him to hesitate, but only for the briefest of moments. As an officer of the law, Curtis was trained to react swiftly and decisively, even when taken by surprise, especially then. His hand whipped instinctively towards his holster, like a cat stretching forth its claws as a mouse ran by.
A boy was hunched over the counter, his braided head cradled in his arms, shaking and sniffling in a manner that suggested he was crying. One of his hands was clenching a large wad of cash, which in of itself was suspicious. On the opposite side of the counter, the store's proprietor was reaching behind his back, putting an object into his pants pocket, out of sight. Perhaps a wallet. Perhaps not.
"Everything okay in here?" Curtis asked.
"Put your money away, son," the merchant said. "Our transaction is concluded. We've both gotten through the day. We can both start over tomorrow."
Curtis lowered his empty gun hand back to a relaxed position, placated by the voice of the grocer who simultaneously answered the police officer's question and reassured the young man who was leaving the store with a look of wonderment in his eyes.
"Everything is just fine."
THE END
Dear readers: Only takes a moment to nominate Matters of Convenience in Amazon's Kindle Scout Contest. If it's chosen for publication by Kindle Press, those of you who nominated it win a free copy. THANKS in advance for your support. Enjoy the excerpt! Likes, Shares/Retweets & VOTES would be much appreciated.
https://kindlescout.amazon.com/p/33R345E7HDCNR
September 14, 2016
MATTERS OF CONVENIENCE needs your votes
A few minutes of your time is all I request to read an excerpt from my soon to be published second novel - Matters of Convenience . It has been submitted to Amazon's Kindle Scout contest and will be eligible to vote on for 30 days starting on September 14th. A split second is all that's needed to push the button nominating it for publication by Kindle Press. Peruse book excerpts available in multiple genres for others to your liking as well, with 3 nominations allowed at a time. If Matters of Convenience is offered a publication deal from Kindle Press, a free copy of the Kindle edition will be sent to you as reward from Amazon and THANK YOU from me.
Cover design by Erin Rogers Pickering
The Kindle Scout program has been described as American Idol for books. Rather than singing and dancing for your entertainment I've presented an excerpt (first 5000 words, give or take a few) from Matters of Convenience . Enough nominations from readers for publication puts the decision in the hands of judges at Kindle Press. You get to have a say in what's published, and if a book you nominated is chosen, you land a free copy of it.
It's as easy as ABC, and as bonus there is D.
Step A: Read the excerpt at Kindle Scout (or if you would rather read the entire book in one shot, simply start with Step B)
Step B: Nominate to move my book on to the decision makers at Kindle Press
Step C: If Matters of Convenience receives an offer of publication from Kindle Press, you receive a free copy of the Kindle ed.
Step D: Regardless of the outcome of the Kindle Scout contest, Matters of Convenience will be published and available for purchase in print and Kindle formats come November 15, 2016.
August 28, 2016
Colin Kaepernick sits this one out
Colin Kaepernick sits out national anthem:https://t.co/JsPjBJUDyk https://t.co/NjATglW3sH— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) August 27, 2016
Colin Kaepernick didn't stand for the national anthem and this is the outfit he wore at post game. #Wokepernick pic.twitter.com/H830rOI6eQ— Kazeem Famuyide (@RealLifeKaz) August 27, 2016
Stupidly I chose to go against this advice. Stupid stupid stupid. https://t.co/edirq4nfOi— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 27, 2016
Before crushing Kaepernick, consider the possibility that not everyone experiences things in the same way.— Jane McManus (@janesports) August 27, 2016
That won't help Kap's overall popularity but you gotta do what your heart insists upon. I'm more interested in how well (or not) he plays.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 27, 2016
Kaepernick told me that he is fully aware that there will be backlash. He is willing to deal with it: https://t.co/R3pSnMeWdD— Steve Wyche (@wyche89) August 27, 2016
Am I imagining things or do Cam Newton and Colin Kaepernick alternate social consciousness stances every few months?— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 27, 2016
@theNFLchick Yeah, I don't recall knowing where Kaep stood on much beyond having a 6-pack until today. Whatever. I'm a fan of both of them.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 27, 2016
@theNFLchick Make me wonder (being the cynic that I am) to what degree his evolution is a result of no longer being the superstar starter.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 27, 2016
@theNFLchick But respect either way. I'm rooting for him.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 27, 2016
Colin Kaepernick sits out the anthem because of how America treats Black people so his mentions are filled with racial slurs & threats.— Amadi (@amaditalks) August 27, 2016
A Line A Day: When Sports and Social Issues Collide https://t.co/oasE0oLm8U— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 27, 2016
You can't criticize Kaep for thinking America < great but applaud Trump for saying USA needs to be made great. Unless you're an a-hole.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 27, 2016
I'm not upset at Colin Kaepernick but I'm not going to give him a cookie either. He didn't stand up, big whoop. Impress me by curing cancer.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 27, 2016
Ali had his title taken away, lost his job, had to fight to stay out of jail. Kaepernick caught flack on Twitter. In 2016 we see these as =— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 27, 2016
Takes more than pure talent to be: THE GREATEST - A LIFE FULLY LIVED https://t.co/NM1tgCeDXX— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 27, 2016
Kaepernick could have stood up and spared me some of the resulting ignorance I've seen on my TL today.
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 28, 2016
MUST SEE VIDEO: Fans respond to @Kaepernick7 by burning his jerseyhttps://t.co/YYJUx6qnBE
— KTVU (@KTVU) August 27, 2016
Who hurt you? Oh never mind, I see his name right there on the shirt. https://t.co/UQyH1ChyzS
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 28, 2016
Yeah the ashies are gonna definitely go at Kaep for being adopted by a white family and being light skinned. Sad to be able to predict it.— Rod TBGWT (@rodimusprime) August 27, 2016
@rodimusprime No crystal ball or tarot cards required to make that call.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 27, 2016
#Kaepernick. BLM tool . Black father abandoned family .white mom puts him up for adoption .white family steps up pic.twitter.com/mAzAX5pb0W
— Jeff Thomas (@jeffex11) August 28, 2016
I keep telling the faux woke. Don't matter what race mom, dad, wife, kids or whoever may be. What matters is who YOU r. Start judging there.
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 27, 2016
If you insist on judging, that is. Because it technically isn't mandatory to do any more than live and let live.
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 27, 2016
Niners QB Kaepernick refuses to stand for anthem in protest. https://t.co/IB6r7c9aEf pic.twitter.com/hyM2nbxEDV
— AP NFL (@AP_NFL) August 28, 2016
Even with Colin Kaepernick's comments & his decision to not stand for the anthem, the #49ers, Chip Kelly will make football decisions on Kap
— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) August 27, 2016
Unless team owner says otherwise cuz tix to sell and it's his team.
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 27, 2016
Why expend energy tearing into someone for doing something that did no harm to you or anybody else? Not impressed by patriotic posing.
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 28, 2016
I didn't do back flips every time Kaep stood for the anthem & I shed no tears over him sitting it out. His job, his life, his call.
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 28, 2016
Won't cause me to miss 1 second of sleep tonight. Same amount I didn't miss over Locthe or other flare up & fade fast sports news stories.
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 28, 2016
@AuthorofPatches him disrespecting his own country, this country is an issue.
— Jiwano Starshine (@JoshDamage) August 28, 2016
@JoshDamage Beautiful thing abt America is 1 has the right to express dissatisfaction with America. Criticizing Kaep is criticizing America.
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 28, 2016
Since the NFL doesn't require their employyes to stand during the national Anthem, I guess what Kaepernick did wasn't as bad as I thought-
— Jiwano Starshine (@JoshDamage) August 28, 2016
Football has surpassed boxing and baseball as America's favorite pastime. So it's the best/biggest stage upon which to take a stand.
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 28, 2016
A Line A Day: Are You Ready For Some Football?!! https://t.co/jKj5hGnr26
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 28, 2016
The day I see that level of racial coordination is the day I wake up from that dream. https://t.co/2faBFtWDYP
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 28, 2016
It takes A LOT to get every single black person in America to be on the same page about something. Obama. OJ. Coming to America.
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 28, 2016
Look at this poor oppressed person of color living in evil racist America! How will he ever make it?#Kaepernick pic.twitter.com/jStjRKYQM8
— Hector Morenco (@hectormorenco) August 27, 2016
No idea how Colin Kaepernick survived a childhood this rough. pic.twitter.com/MYqAJitkqc
— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) August 28, 2016
Having a problem w/ over-policing & justice system set up 2 protect rogue cops isn't anti-white by def. Many whites & blacks get this wrong.
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 28, 2016
Perfectly possible 4 Kaepernick or Jesse Williams or whoever 2 love parents & various other white ppl yet also recognize US race disparities
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 28, 2016
But if you're a white person OR a black person who only hears anti-white rhetoric in "black lives matter" battle cry, you'll never get that.
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 28, 2016
.@Kaepernick7 statement rings right now.There's no fkn way there should be near 3 million people in USA prisons. Today's jocks must speak up
— Chuck D (@MrChuckD) August 28, 2016
speaking out is good but there is a way to do it.
— Jiwano Starshine (@JoshDamage) August 28, 2016
Victor Cruz doesn't agree with Colin Kaepernick's method of demonstration. https://t.co/8NTeoOcXgv pic.twitter.com/0PIW1DYM5I
— NFL on ESPN (@ESPNNFL) August 28, 2016
Message on t-shirt or sneakers, not standing or saluting, power fist, hashtag. These are all just protest gestures & gestures only go so far
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 28, 2016
But I suppose they do go further than going along silently.
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 28, 2016
Is Colin Kaepernick your latest one? A Line A Day: CHOOSE YOUR HEROES CAREFULLY https://t.co/mVTCYbyHAj
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 28, 2016
August 17, 2016
CHOOSE YOUR HEROES CAREFULLY
#KorrynGaines pic.twitter.com/ePpmoU0eo4— .eyeamher (@StonySupreme) August 17, 2016
Not sure if #KorrynGaines is situation to get outraged over. Pointing a gun at cops gets people killed. Not everybody every time. But plenty— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 2, 2016
#KorrynGaines could hurt #BLM movement. If you stan equally for her, Eric Garner, Mike Brown, John Crawford, Sandra Bland, Philando Castile— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 2, 2016
...rather than judging merits of very different cases on individual basis, less likely to be taken seriously.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 2, 2016
Sometimes benefit of doubt exists, other times it pretty clearly does not. Distinguish from each other rather than blanket black/white cover— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 2, 2016
There certainly are people who commit suicide by cop. And suicide by own hands. And are wrongfully killed. And are killed with fair cause.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 2, 2016
These situations are not identical to each other. Stamping #BLM hashtag on all of them equally is detrimental to cause IMHO.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 2, 2016
This video of #KorrynGaines and her 5 yo son during the police standoff makes me so sad for so many reasons.https://t.co/fD4pgMSwEh— Perez (@ThePerezHilton) August 2, 2016
Whether I judge instantly or wait for full picture to reveal itself, nobody is being brought back to life. No gun will unfire itself.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 2, 2016
Overgeneralizing and oversimplification are the enemies of progress.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 2, 2016
Progress has other enemies too, of course.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 2, 2016
Woman killed by Baltimore County police ignored pleas from boyfriend to surrender, mother says - https://t.co/14jPeZRMtt— jamalbryant (@jamalhbryant) August 3, 2016
I've seen manyWas their overkill on part of cops? I wouldn't put it past them. But unlike other victims of overzealous law enforcement, it sounds to me...— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 3, 2016...that Korryn Gaines could have survived that encounter if she wanted to. Welfare of child should have been primary objective to all.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 3, 2016It's certainly upsetting that a beautiful young woman/mother was shot to death with child in her arms. But I don't see victim as blameless.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 3, 2016I reserve the right to change my mind if evidence comes to point in another direction.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 3, 2016Please don't get so caught up in hashtags and online outrage that you don't exercise caution & common sense IRL. Guns do just one thing.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 3, 2016A cop may kill you for no good reason so definitely don't go out of your way to give them slightest cause. They just may take the bait.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 3, 2016There's stuff that's worth dying for and stuff that just ain't. Pride usually falls in latter category.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 3, 2016Bottom line - cops need to be better trained. Even it we can't weed out 100% of racist ones doesn't mean we can't have better trained bigots— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 3, 2016Choose your martyrs wisely. Unfortunately there are quite a few to choose between. On sadly bright side, this means you can be selective.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 3, 2016People want to be considered so "woke". God forbid somebody else has different opinion based on evidence. Must be a traitorous sell-out.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 4, 2016People really need to stop doing that to each other and just agree to respectably disagree some of the time, while agreeing other times.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 4, 2016No lone casualty represents all of em. No set of circumstances is universal. Shout tweeting/think pieceing doesn't make your opinion > valid— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 4, 2016Thinking #KorrynGaines could have acted in a manner > protective of her child & not making him motherless is not denouncing all black women— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 4, 2016Opinions are just that. Opinions. Not declarations of solidarity or any such nonsense.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 4, 2016@JoshDamage I believe there was some mental instability there & cops could've handled it better but #KorryGaines was looking for a show down— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 8, 2016@JoshDamage I'm less interested in specifics of situation than in online reaction. How quick ppl are to stamp #BLM on it & declare martyrdom— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 8, 2016Atlanta's Pulitzer Prize-winning editorial cartoonist―@mluckovichajc―isn't holding back. #BlackLivesMatter
Witness: pic.twitter.com/rsqHpCEjwM— David Harris-Gershon (@David_EHG) August 12, 2016The questions raised by Korryn Gaines' death https://t.co/ArEZBFDBmD— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 18, 2016Here's everything we know about the Nate Parker rape case: https://t.co/Eqe8BFhbpc pic.twitter.com/BX6B0k8X1Y— Complex (@ComplexMag) August 17, 2016Interesting stuff. I'm baffled by the support Parker is receiving from those who also seem to concede that he's less than totally innocent.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 15, 2016Parker was acquitted so that is what it is. But plenty have been acquitted of crimes but not forgiven by many who feel they got away w/ it.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 15, 2016I'd like to see some consistency. Nate Parker you're cool with but Woody Allen is the devil and R Kelly gets a mixed bag of reactions.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 15, 2016Not saying those situations are identical, but they're close enough. You either separate art from artist or else you don't...in all cases.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 15, 2016We are selective with our condemnation and forgiveness, that's for sure. Once opinion on someone is formed we'd rather not change it.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 15, 2016Not until we're good and ready to do so anyway.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 15, 2016Allowing their ideology around Blackness to trump their feminism.— IG: Sil_Lai (Abrams) (@Sil_Lai) August 15, 2016I read the court transcripts...Fuck Nate Parker— No Relation (@TheCosby) August 15, 2016I didn't read transcripts. I have no idea what he did/didn't do. I know his movie doesn't excuse his actions. I can respect 1 but not other.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 15, 2016Clearly Nate Parker has just put in paperwork to try to buy NBC. https://t.co/mNfIiFlWsE— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 16, 2016It's NBC's fault for increasing profile with Olympics. Or blame it on woman. Or blame it on the alcohol. Or racism. Anything but the accused— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 16, 2016@abowllan @cthagod The higher the profile gets the more invasive the questions become. Whether it's Nate Parker or Donald Trump or whoever.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 16, 2016The best way to keep skeletons in your closet is to remain largely unknown.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 17, 2016Here's a friendly reminder that if you feel you must boycott Nate Parker's Nat Turner movie, I'm pretty sure somebody wrote a book on topic.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 16, 2016William Styron wrote a book about Nat Turner. But he did so while being white so if that's a deal breaker, move on.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 16, 2016@abowllan @cthagod I plan to see the movie b/c interested in topic & I don't tie art to artist. As for Nate, I neither deify nor decry him.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 16, 2016Nate Parker’s Accuser Committed Suicide in 2012, Her Brother Speaks Out (EXCLUSIVE) https://t.co/ivc8LCzT6X— Variety (@Variety) August 16, 2016Im not feminist, nor womanist, nor woke per 2016 standards, nor hotep. Only reason I have 4 not supporting Nate Parker film is human empathy— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 17, 2016Might have to roll with that one because the more I learn the less I like what I hear.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 17, 2016‘Birth Of A Nation’ Director Nate Parker Responds To Rape Accuser’s Suicide https://t.co/HsdjmYSP2B pic.twitter.com/n25nU1LlAG— Deadline Hollywood (@Deadline) August 17, 2016It would have been rough for Nate Parker if the woman was alive & speaking up about what happened. Only thing worse is what came to be.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 17, 2016It means he's on a movie tour rather than in jail. If his conscience is clean, good for him. If it isn't, it isn't. https://t.co/OE2zrmxpZp— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) August 17, 2016
I REPEAT. CHOOSE YOUR HEROES CAREFULLY. AND NOW FOR SOME BOOK REVIEWS.The Lowland by Jhumpa Lahiri
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
This is a beautifully written novel, full of bold sorrow and muted hope. Where there is hope, no matter how cautiously one treads from the past, there is a chance of happiness. But some people cannot or will not move forward, and for them life is a continuous echo of sorrow, an eternity of regret. Those incapable of happiness because old wounds failed to heal will be cruel to those who try to love them. Whether it desires company or solitude, misery consumes whoever is nearest. Regardless of how far one travels, anguish that has been absorbed into the bones cannot be escaped. The Lowland is a story of family, a construct we are told is bonded by blood but actually is held together by love and willingly made sacrifice. It is the story of a woman who marries the love of her life, loses him, and then marries his brother whom she never comes to love while carrying the child of the man she violently lost. Leaving a country behind does little to erase memories and allow a new chance at happiness to take root. Someone who cannot love you, regardless of the ties of blood, will always be a stranger rather than family.
View all my reviewsThe Given Day by Dennis Lehane
My rating: 3 of 5 stars
What an incredibly eventful time period to read about. Somehow in one city in one year there is The Great Molasses Flood, the early growth stage of the NAACP in a racist climate, a Spanish Influenza pandemic, unions gaining a foothold to combat unfair labor practices and absurdly low wages, the Boston Police Strike of 1919 and resulting riots, the start of Prohibition, a relentless hunt for violent radicals who sow seeds of fear, and Babe Ruth being traded from the Red Sox to the NY Yankees where a dynasty will result. This action packed period of time in history was fascinating to learn about, with a multi-plotted page turner Dennis Lehane story line thrown into the middle of it as bonus. The more things change the more they stay the same was the thought that repeatedly came to mind as I read The Given Day. In 2016 we call the violent radicals Islamic terrorists; the medical crisis du jour is the Zika virus; protests follow questionable shootings with riots sometimes resulting when activists from the newbie #BlackLivesMatter movement face off against police officers with #BlueLivesMatter mindsets; and Kevin Durant has left Oklahoma City to form a super team in the Golden State. What's the modern day equivalent to the molasses flood? Donald Trump's presidential candidacy perhaps. Both certainly created enormous messes to deal with.
View all my reviewsThe Loney by Andrew Michael Hurley
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Sometimes it's necessary to carefully arrange a system of beliefs to explain the unexplainable. People love a good mystery provided it gets solved in the end. Unresolved we are left with questions that can haunt us. Religion serves the purpose of providing answers without needing to bear the burden of proof. By accepting the influence and omnipotence of a higher power, rather than wrestling with questions, people accept explanations that cannot be disproved. But even the most strongly constructed belief system can be vulnerable to harsh doses of reality and cruel twists of fate. The Loney is a place where people come to seek miracles, a private Lourdes. Maybe the miracles are gifts from God. Maybe they come from elsewhere. If you find what you seek, does the source matter? If you learn the truth, was the miracle worth the lesson? I recommend giving Andrew Michael Hurley's atmospheric debut novel a read. I've done my best to review it spoiler free. Like high tide on a desolate beach, this novel will pull you in and hold on fast.
View all my reviews
July 7, 2016
THE KILLING FIELDS
Sick and tired of being sick and tired. https://t.co/StPTsv3Dye https://t.co/SNXyklU7tX— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) July 6, 2016
That video was sickening. Cold blooded murder. I don't know the back story. It doesn't matter. What I watched was a murder. #AltonSterling— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) July 6, 2016
#AltonSterling is the 558th person murdered extrajudicially by cops in 2016 alone. That's staggering. https://t.co/9HTUZ2zvYP— one hundred emoji (@maharajaz) July 6, 2016
#AltonSterling and his family. pic.twitter.com/ycLxGu8I9q— Michael Skolnik (@MichaelSkolnik) July 6, 2016
Protests erupt in Baton Rouge after graphic video of police shooting surfaces #AltonSterling https://t.co/2pfmH52Wwj— Mashable (@mashable) July 6, 2016
The frightening thing about #AltonSterling is once he is attached to #BlackLivesMatter, people now tune out.— Andreas Hale (@AndreasHale) July 6, 2016
Negroes
Sweet and docile,
Meek, humble, and kind:
Beware the day
They change their mind
-Langston Hughes— hey Big Head (@moeshamitchel) July 6, 2016
Whatever it takes to become a cop is clearly not nearly enough. Too many bad apples given a license to kill on a whim.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) July 6, 2016
Congressman @CedricRichmond (D), who represents Baton Rouge, calls for DOJ to investigate #AltonSterling shooting pic.twitter.com/jArCleDysw— Wesley Lowery (@WesleyLowery) July 6, 2016
If LA is an open carry state why were the police called on #AltonSterling— AllMyLifeIGotToFight (@DntBeGoodBeDave) July 6, 2016
Open Carry laws simply allow cops to be blatantly selective in who they'll ignore & who will inspire them to go Rambo. Bigotry tool like SYG— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) July 6, 2016
I don't whine about racists. They're whine proof. But bigots packing guns with legal protection to murder, that I have a problem with.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) July 6, 2016
Until we get serious about police dept. reform & enhancing gun regulations, one tragic hashtagged name will just blend into the next/rest— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) July 6, 2016
When will violence stop leading to fear of violence which leads right back to violence? New day, new sad hashtag. https://t.co/StPTsuM29E— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) July 6, 2016
The DOJ will investigate #AltonSterling shooting ➡️ by @juliacraven https://t.co/A5HuMxZsuK pic.twitter.com/cP4xoF0Tlr— HuffPost Politics (@HuffPostPol) July 6, 2016
DOJ investigation is best to hope for. Doesn't guarantee charges or lack thereof. But if shooting was caught on tape & looks unjustified...— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) July 6, 2016
...then I'm not so conspiracy minded 2 assume cold blooded murder will be ignored. If it looks remotely like self defense or is inconclusive— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) July 6, 2016
...then cops are likely to be uncharged, or if charged, will be acquitted. Badge/uniform gives cops benefit of doubt even if unwarranted.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) July 6, 2016
I have far less than 100% confidence that cops reviewing cops will result in impartial review. But I'll accept whatever the DOJ findings are— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) July 6, 2016
That includes Mike Brown, who it seemed to me was shot down in cold blood by a cop. But we later learned eyewitness testimony was flaky.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) July 6, 2016
So I won't throw Mike Brown into miscarriage of justice bucket. Maybe it was, but I can't say that's the case for certain.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) July 6, 2016
New Video Emerges of Alton Sterling Being Killed by Baton Rouge Police https://t.co/5NufUFvidU via @thedailybeast— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) July 7, 2016
Cold blooded murder. Not a damn thing happened that justified killing #AltonSterling— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) July 7, 2016
Jesus.... This pain
June 10, 2016
#GirlIGuessImWithHer
To every little girl who dreams big: Yes, you can be anything you want—even president. Tonight is for you. -H pic.twitter.com/jq7fKlfwGV— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) June 8, 2016
that's #Hillary tonight RT @HistoryToLearn: A drink, a cigar and not giving a good goddamn, 1950s. pic.twitter.com/SQ1Cdd54qs— unpforgettable pfire (@firefire100) June 8, 2016
My daughter's lifetime to date will take her from a black man as POTUS to a woman POTUS. Her generation has a brand new view of privilege.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 8, 2016
A Line A Day: We are the change that we seek. - Barack Obama
Read more at: https://t.co/Iri5mVRC8Z https://t.co/RVuIAWO3BC— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 8, 2016
HERstory https://t.co/a2npmtfiR3 https://t.co/5ERTDi5gey— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 8, 2016
In this historic night let us not forget #ShirleyChisholm. The first woman to ever run for president of the U.S.— Chisholm Project (@chisholmproject) June 8, 2016
Yes, this is Historic. I totally get it. Yes, I'll vote. But these "Yay Feminism" commercials want me to be more excited than...I am.— Reagan Gomez (@ReaganGomez) June 8, 2016
I've been thinking about the woman cleaning up the glass after another woman broke the ceiling.— Saque de Banda (@aurabogado) June 8, 2016
As a woman, I get it, but I definitely don't feel what I felt with Obama 8 years ago for many reasons. https://t.co/1jRM4K1rRb— Almond Brown (@HollaBlackGirl) June 8, 2016
Remember people - naming Obama lifetime emperor is still on the table if you're meh at best on the alternatives.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 8, 2016
Other than her die hard stans, you can only get but so excited over Hillary, historic victory or not. We're too used to seeing her in power.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 8, 2016
Not meant as a diss. Some politicians are just more adept at whipping up enthusiasm than others, due either to personality or circumstances.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 8, 2016
I'm in full support of whoever runs against Trump. Whether that presidency is historic or not is beside the point. 1st woman prez is gravy.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 8, 2016
There will be various other presidential firsts to come if the course of history holds true to form.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 8, 2016
And then a Muslim or vocal atheist perhaps? https://t.co/bWeXT7EbF4— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 9, 2016
#GirlIGuessImWithHer pic.twitter.com/OaFspkj2Lu— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 8, 2016
Like... pic.twitter.com/Kk7PHpbX05— Still Not #WithHer (@elonjames) June 10, 2016
If you want a woman 2b president but you're disappointed that it may be Hillary, who would you prefer? Who is more qualified, warts & all?— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 9, 2016
Dear disillusioned Dem voters; Feel free to continue criticizing Hillary Clinton. Much if not all of it is certainly warranted + free speech— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 9, 2016
Get it all out of your system up until election day, at which point please vote for Hillary Clinton anyway. Even if Bernie was your boo.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 9, 2016
The alternative to Hillary Clinton will not be your favorite tweeter. It won't be Bey. It won't be bearded Drake. It will be Donald Trump.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 9, 2016
This is something that must be prevented at all costs. You want to call it voting out of fear. Okay, fine. Please vote out of fear.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 9, 2016
Because that fear is not an abstract thing. It's very real and so is the damage that a Donald Trump presidency would do to this country.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 9, 2016
A Hillary Clinton presidency will at worst be benign. She won't wreck anything. Business as usual. But alternative would be a catastrophe.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 9, 2016
Unless you want the amount of things you rage against via tweets & hashtags to increase 1000 fold. If you want USA to be a dumpster fire.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 9, 2016
Some say "I don't want to vote for Hillary just b/c I'm afraid of a Trump presidency". But Trump gets votes from those who fear progress.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 10, 2016
Some fears are far more honorable than others.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 10, 2016
Proceed to boo & hiss Hillary all you want. I myself was learning towards Bernie. But be sure to vote & be sure to vote for Hillary. Please.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 9, 2016
Man, Bernie Sanders has become that old dude who sits at a table drinking coffee even though he can see the restaurant is closing.— Justina Ireland (@justinaireland) June 8, 2016
Is there an official post for national grumpy uncle Sanders can fill? I want him to remain on scene, flailing arms, calling out spotted BS— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 8, 2016
Bernie had no idea how to run. He had no idea what to do when he started winning. And he had no idea how to lose.
Knowing things matters.— Will Caskey (@WillCaskey) June 8, 2016
Maybe. But if true, an especially fine showing for someone allegedly so clueless.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 8, 2016
Hillary has one job. Keep reminding us of the alternative. https://t.co/1thKf3keuL— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 8, 2016
There isn't much difference between Trump's "school" & his "presidential campaign". Selling false hope to those who refuse to know better.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 8, 2016
Obama Endorses Clinton https://t.co/tWrRhHIOsN via @nytvideo— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 9, 2016
And now we'll love Hillary because Barack Obama is asking us to love her and we either love him or we simply don't know how to love.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 9, 2016
Delete your account. https://t.co/Oa92sncRQY— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) June 9, 2016
Hillary's social media team strikes again.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 9, 2016
Our mission is more than just defeating Trump. It is transforming our country. People want something to vote for rather than just against.— Bernie Sanders (@BernieSanders) June 9, 2016
It was fun while it lasted, Bernie. He would've been a first too.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 8, 2016
June 4, 2016
THE GREATEST - A LIFE FULLY LIVED
I FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY, STING LIKE A BEE. I SHOOK UP THE WORLD.
I MUST BE THE GREATEST.
2016 has been merciless. R.I.P. Muhammad Ali. Float like a butterfly into eternity. Thank you for speaking your mind pic.twitter.com/JsffNKWTyI— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 4, 2016
My first two non-parental role models / heroes were Albert Einstein and Muhammad Ali.— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 4, 2016
Love this
Muhamad Ali Clay - Mohamad Ali speech - I have wrestled with an alligator https://t.co/EnPLwqnfIr— Vernon Harris (@HarrisVernon) June 3, 2016
I Am The Greatest! https://t.co/1fQkx8dwSq via @YouTube— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) June 4, 2016
THAT FOOTWORK THO. #MuhammadAli #TheGreatest pic.twitter.com/HZzTsqVjbS— Eric Haywood (@EricHaywood) June 4, 2016
pic.twitter.com/h5iHT3u3EB— Captain Akata (@OwlsAsylum) June 4, 2016
We love you, Ali. ✊
May 1, 2016
THE GIRL ON THE SUBWAY
THE GIRL ON THE SUBWAYBY ROY L. PICKERINGJR.
Did you ever see someone who made your heart sit still for just a moment, but what a moment? I hope you have, for that’s the most accurate description I can give of the girl on the subway. She was usually reading a magazine, the kind with plenty of glossy photographs of beautiful celebrities hobnobbing with one another. Perhaps she wished to be one of them. Perhaps she was content to admire them from afar. I could only guess, for I did not have the nerve to ask. This was okay though. For forty minutes a day I was able to take her in, and this served my needs just fine. When I first saw the girl on the subway, I happened to be halfway through a relationship. Of course I didn’t know yet that Sharon and I had already peaked and would be starting the decline of our relationship within a matter of weeks. I was reasonably content with the way things were going at the time, so the state of my social life went unaffected by the crush I had developed. I must confess, however, that I did consider if I would be willing to leave Sharon for this stranger, provided that such a scenario ever presented itself. It was not a serious thought, just idle contemplation to help make my morning journey pass more quickly.
Perhaps I should have felt guilty about these thoughts, but resistance to them was futile. This girl I saw five mornings a week possessed the sort of beauty that did not boldly pronounce itself, but made its appearance known in a quieter, steadier manner. She was the owner of impossibly high cheekbones and lioness eyes that beheld the world with seeming indifference. Her hair was simply styled, straight and about shoulder length, somewhat on the stringy side. She habitually twirled strands of it on her fingers, sometimes examining the loose ends, other times paying it no mind. Her body was not of the voluptuous type I favored, in fact she was rather thin, but somehow this worked to her advantage in my eyes, for a sense of fragility and vulnerability was exuded that made me want to protect her. The baggy clothing she favored put me in mind of a little girl in hand-me-downs she had not quite grown into. Adornment was kept to a minimum. She wore no jewelry of any kind, putting her in stark contrast with her glittering female counterparts. Her ears were not even pierced. Her fingernails were unpolished, perhaps for health consideration, because sometimes she chewed on them, usually when the train was stalled. Perhaps she was a little claustrophobic. The only make-up I could detect was rust red lipstick that stained the lid of her Starbucks coffee cup. She struck me as the active type, perhaps a tomboy, for the flesh of her arms compressed sinewy muscle, and based on a succession of bumps and bruises, I concluded that she played rough and tumble games with reckless abandon. No doubt there was a boyfriend somewhere with whom she scaled walls, roller bladed, and partook in other trendy activities intended to procure perspiration and encourage the purchase of designer water. Sharon preferred more intellectual entertainment such as poetry readings and lectures by Pulitzer Prize winners. One morning I was surprised to find a cast over the forearm and wrist of the subway girl’s left arm. I saw this as an opportunity, for it gave me a feeble excuse to comment on her condition. Perhaps I would come off as charming if I asked to sign her cast. I prepared to speak, but the words remained locked in my throat. She kept her eyes glued to the pages of People magazine for the entire ride, and I kept my own pupils focused on her pretty profile.
Sharon and I went on vacation together to Barbados in August. Petty arguments had been spoiling a substantial share of our time. I thought that tropical breezes, the dazzling water of the Caribbean, and frozen daiquiris might be the proper remedy to our woes. I thought wrong. We were still together when our airplane returned us to New York’s Kennedy airport, but our relationship was hanging on a thread. On my first day back to work I stepped onto the F train at a quarter past eight in the morning. My eyes welcomed a sight that surprised me by how much it had been missed. She looked up shortly after I had secured a position. Her eyes rested on my face for a beat longer than they ever had before. Then her gaze returned to the magazine in her lap. Her expression remained blank as she looked at me, but I felt certain that my presence was recognized. My absence had been noted, and perhaps my new tan as well. I hoped to catch her eye one more time, and if successful, perhaps I would finally venture a smile. She did in fact pay minimal attention to her reading material on this ride, peeking up frequently to observe the advertisements that bordered the walls of the subway car. With much frustration I tried but failed to intercept her path of vision. I had just about given up when three stops before my destination, she looked at me once again. I sensed that something monumental was about to occur. Instead, she opened up her purse to look for something and the moment was lost. One week after she stopped sporting a cast on her arm, she appeared with a bandage on her forehead that did not fully conceal the bruise beneath it. It was likely the result of excessive enthusiasm in squash or racquetball. I pictured her running after a ball with total abandon on the court of a New York Health Club, and this image put a smile on my face. But I could spare little time to fantasize about her on this day. My thoughts were occupied by the turmoil of the previous night. The stress Sharon was dealing with at work had overflowed into our love life. Arranging time for us to get together was growing increasingly difficult, and when it was managed, it ended up hardly worth the effort. The night before we had argued passionately. Things had been said that were eventually apologized for, but could not truly be taken back. The end was near. It took no great gift of foresight to recognize this. We would promise to remain friends, but this would be an easily broken vow. Two weeks later I grasped a strap with one arm while holding up a folded newspaper with the other. I did not usually read the newspaper on my morning commute because of the overcrowded condition of the train. However, Patrick Ewing had returned to the Knicks lineup after a long injury plagued absence and I was anxious to find out how he had done. The sports section engrossed me so deeply that I paid little mind to the object of my infatuation, who was seated just off to my right. An occasional peek at her sufficed. When the train pulled into my station and the herd of midtown white collar workers moved as one towards the open doors, I looked at her for the final time that day. The last thing I expected to see was a single teardrop rolling slowly down her cheek. Sharon and I broke up that night. It was a mutual decision, although I allowed her the privilege of broaching the subject and simply agreed with all she said. Agreeing with Sharon had always been the best, if not the only way to keep the peace with her. Now it was the best method by which to withdraw our respective troops and call a truce to our affair. In a great many ways, Sharon was perfectly suited for me. My friends and family certainly felt as much. Maybe if our timing had been better. Maybe if we had both shown more willingness to compromise. When things between us were at their best, we had had some amazing times together. As our goodbyes were being said, I realized that I had almost loved Sharon. Too bad “almost” never counts in love, or in much of anything else. On the morning of Columbus Day I stepped into the third car of the F train. Since it was a paid holiday for many people, the train carried only about a third of its usual load of passengers. For this reason I was able to get a seat. Not just any seat, but one adjacent to you know who. She did not look up from her magazine for what seemed like forever. My countless glances went either unnoticed or ignored. The jerking of the train caused our knees to occasionally touch, sending tiny shocks of electricity up my leg. I wanted to tell her how beautiful she was, though not necessarily to flatter her and make my interest known. I happened to be in the earliest stage of a new relationship that seemed promising. The words which begged release from my tongue were simply what I felt so strongly, believed so sincerely, that I felt I would burst unless this essential truth was proclaimed. The only motive behind my desire to speak was honesty. Finally she looked up from her magazine. At first she stared vacantly into the space before her. Then she turned towards me. When she did, I no longer thought of giving testimony to her loveliness. I was startled by an obscene marring of her delicate features, and even more so by the most unmistakable expression of misery I had ever been witness to. I did not believe that her black eye was sports related. I did not presume this time, as I had often before, that her injury had been suffered accidentally. Instead, I said my first words to her. “Why don’t you leave him?” “I’ve tried to.”
We spoke as if old friends with no secrets between us. For almost a full year I had been communicating my affection for her with carefully aimed glances. Now I spoke of my concern plainly, leaving no room for misinterpretation, leaving her no option to deny the painfully obvious truth. “He doesn’t love you or else he wouldn’t do this to you.” “It’s complicated,” she said so quietly that I only made the words out by reading her lips, which I imagined to be as tender as the first flakes of winter, and her kisses perhaps as fleeting. “It seems pretty simple to me. He hurts you, so you have no choice but to get as far away from him as possible.” “I have walked out on him before,” she told me. “He finds me and tells me how sorry he is, how badly he feels, how it will never happen again. My friends tell me not to go back. They say he’s no good. I know they’re smart and they have my interest at heart, so I try to follow their advice. I pray for the strength to stay away from him, and sometimes it works. Almost.” Our train pulled into the next station. She stood up and walked out. This was not her usual stop. Ordinarily she would still be on the train when I departed. I considered getting up to follow her, to speak to her, to help her. Instead I watched her recede into the distance growing between us. I never did see her again. Perhaps she switched cars on the train or the timing of her commute so she would no longer encounter me each morning. If she could not escape her torment, she could at least avoid my questions. On a more hopeful note, maybe she finally listened to her friends and moved someplace far away, free from the violence of deformed love. I try not to think of the worst case scenario. I prefer to believe that wherever she is, she is safe and she is happy. . My wedding day is fast approaching. Dana, the woman I began to date after breaking up with Sharon, turned out to be the one. A strong sense of unreality colors my days now. I’m going to be someone’s husband soon. Eventually I will probably become someone’s father. A whole new life is about to get underway. This is a good thing, an incredibly wondrous thing, a somewhat terrifying thing. I reflect on days past and inevitably recall my rides on the third car of the F train. I remember the girl who stopped my heart for an instant, right on cue five days a week. I think about the last time I saw her and wonder what would have happened, how different my life might be if I had gotten up and followed her out of the train. Perhaps nothing would have taken place other than her pleading with me to leave her alone, and my slightly late arrival at work that day. But just maybe she would have allowed me to continue speaking, and our conversation would have moved from subway platform to a more intimate setting. After that, who knows where the road might have led? What I do know is that I’ll always remember her. I’ll always remember that I chose to follow her, to save her life, to forever change my own. Almost. x x x x x
And now for a sneak peek at the drawing that will eventually become the illustrated cover art for Matters of Convenience
April 22, 2016
PRINCE
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! Not Prince. No— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) April 21, 2016
We weren't supposed to use phones at Prince in ATL last week, but I couldn't resist. Last performance of Purple Rain pic.twitter.com/6FjkJTksJO— Jake Reuse (@ReuseRecruiting) April 21, 2016
4-21-16 The day the music died. The "real" music anyway. R.I.P. to true rock royalty - the man who made it rain purple. #Prince— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) April 21, 2016
Sometimes it snows in April
Sometimes I feel so bad, so bad
Sometimes I wish life was never ending
But all good things, they say, never last— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) April 21, 2016
Prince was so special that it's weird to think he'd do something as mundane as *die.*— fredara (@fredaraMareva) April 21, 2016
there's no one left...— The Weeknd (@theweeknd) April 21, 2016
