Jessica B. Kelly's Blog, page 8

The Parrot

I find that I can “turn on” affective empathy for those limited few that I form emotional bonds with.  The degree to which my affective empathy is expressed is directly proportional to the strength of that emotional bond.  Granted, there are many hurdles involved in forming emotional bonds, and I can count on one hand […]

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Crossroads

I don’t particularly know what to write about these days.  In many ways, I’ve said all there is to say and more regarding ASPD and psychopathy.  I’m in limbo as I reflect on my life and continue with the struggle between restraint and an actual desire to become more prosocial.  Restraint, in and of itself, […]

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Eternal Void … Refuse and Resist

My life is cyclical.  My depression and hypomania come in waves and my acquaintances are subject to a revolving door of membership in my life.  For nearly three years now, I have been writing on the subjects of ASPD and psychopathy and I have spent countless hours communicating with others that are ASPD and/or psychopathic. […]

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Cold, Hard Fact

People always want to see others under the most positive light.  My soon to be ex-roommate learned that one can not do this, and he is paying the price for his naivety.  I told him months ago that I would not be his best friend nor would I be anything but a stoic listener, unconcerned […]

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Killbox 2016

I have to own my disorders.  Times are changing and the stakes have never been higher.  If I want to make it out of this killbox alive, then I have to take all those negative aspects of my personality and send them deep beyond the event horizon.  I need to learn to be satisfied with […]

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Sighting Stars

It seems a bit ironic that a creature of impulse cannot stand the stochastic processes that go through the minds of those around her.  I need direction and insight at all times into the behavior of those around me.  I need to know when others are stuck in the quagmire and I need to know […]

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The Dreamer

The focus of therapy has changed over time.  Before the diagnoses of ASPD, NPD, and BPD and the confirmation of psychopathy, the focus was solely in keeping me alive through the ups and downs of my Bipolar Disorder.  After electro-convulsive therapy – which mostly stabilized my Bipolar ways – we focused on my antisocial behavior. […]

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Nocturnicide … Beyond The Reach of Light

Heavily bandaged, shrapnel in my side, the shell calls me again.  The shell.  The self.  The shell.  The self.  Where does one end and the other begin?  The barbed-wire baton is passed back and forth quicker than the eye can see.  No reflection.  All reflections.  Introspection.  Contradiction.  Why cannot I maintain who I am? 99% […]

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Brainspatter

Napalm showers to show this coward that my brain’s not here to fuck around.  Brain matter on the wall, dripping as it falls, only to remind myself of the cyclical nature of it all.  Blood boiling, ground soiled, the rage is here again.  It won’t stay, I hope and pray, and the status quo will […]

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Faux Wool – More on Psychopathic Passing

A common theme throughout my book is that of passing.  Passing is the act of successfully convincing another person that you are something that you are not.  A transgender person passes when pass through spaces gendered according to their target gender undetected.  A psychopath passes whenever others are not aware of his callousness or affective […]

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