Kyle Michel Sullivan's Blog: https://www.myirishnovel.com/, page 247
October 11, 2014
Planning stages...
Okay, step one is begun. I'm signing up for National Novel Writing Month and I'm doing Bugzters as my book. I'm working up an outline...here's my first pass...
------------------
Eleven-year-old ALEX is furious. His parents had promised there would be no more moves after settling in Seattle, but now his father has accepted a new job in Albuquerque, which will force him to leave the home he loves. He blames his little brother, DREW, for this; Drew's asthma has been a problem since they moved to Seattle. So Alex fights back by manipulating his home's smart system to scare off prospective buyers, thinking this will change his parents' plans. But during his latest session, lightning strikes the satellite dish and six neon vapor aliens (who call themselves BAGH-STAR) zip into Alex's iMac. They were en route to Venus but were almost captured by evil aliens (called HEX-ON) and now are trapped on planet Earth. Stunned, Alex and his best friend, TAYLOR, a girl-genius who lives next door, promise to help get them back on their way.
First they hide the Bagh-Star in some toys Taylor is developing then begin to formulate a plan. What they don't know is the Hex-on HAVE landed and formulated themselves into four versions of a goofy guy named CHESTER. Plus two Beige Agents from MESCIS (the Military Extraterrestrial Search, Capture and Interrogation Squad) have arrived to track down the aliens. On top of it all, with the Bagh-Star hiding in Taylor’s insect-like toys (which she now calls Bugzters) they work perfectly and every kid in town wants one. ToDAY!
After a series of close calls and as another storm blows in, Alex and Taylor wind up being chased by their mothers, the police, their snotty classmates Morika and Billy, the Chesters, the Hex-on spaceship, a greedy toymaker, and the Beige pair. Everybody winds up on a hilltop overlooking Puget Sound, where Alex and Taylor have just one chance to help get the Bagh-Star back into space. But with so many people interfering, how could it possibly work?------------------I'm cheating a little; this was a screenplay that turned into a nightmarish ordeal for me, but I got the okay from the woman who now owns the script rights to do the book. I'm taking it back to my initial idea, with a few details added in from the later versions, and working up a step outline for the writing. The only question now is whether or not it will hit 50,000 words.
You should laugh at that -- me not being able to fill a 50,000 word commitment when I so love my writing.
------------------
Eleven-year-old ALEX is furious. His parents had promised there would be no more moves after settling in Seattle, but now his father has accepted a new job in Albuquerque, which will force him to leave the home he loves. He blames his little brother, DREW, for this; Drew's asthma has been a problem since they moved to Seattle. So Alex fights back by manipulating his home's smart system to scare off prospective buyers, thinking this will change his parents' plans. But during his latest session, lightning strikes the satellite dish and six neon vapor aliens (who call themselves BAGH-STAR) zip into Alex's iMac. They were en route to Venus but were almost captured by evil aliens (called HEX-ON) and now are trapped on planet Earth. Stunned, Alex and his best friend, TAYLOR, a girl-genius who lives next door, promise to help get them back on their way.
First they hide the Bagh-Star in some toys Taylor is developing then begin to formulate a plan. What they don't know is the Hex-on HAVE landed and formulated themselves into four versions of a goofy guy named CHESTER. Plus two Beige Agents from MESCIS (the Military Extraterrestrial Search, Capture and Interrogation Squad) have arrived to track down the aliens. On top of it all, with the Bagh-Star hiding in Taylor’s insect-like toys (which she now calls Bugzters) they work perfectly and every kid in town wants one. ToDAY!
After a series of close calls and as another storm blows in, Alex and Taylor wind up being chased by their mothers, the police, their snotty classmates Morika and Billy, the Chesters, the Hex-on spaceship, a greedy toymaker, and the Beige pair. Everybody winds up on a hilltop overlooking Puget Sound, where Alex and Taylor have just one chance to help get the Bagh-Star back into space. But with so many people interfering, how could it possibly work?------------------I'm cheating a little; this was a screenplay that turned into a nightmarish ordeal for me, but I got the okay from the woman who now owns the script rights to do the book. I'm taking it back to my initial idea, with a few details added in from the later versions, and working up a step outline for the writing. The only question now is whether or not it will hit 50,000 words.
You should laugh at that -- me not being able to fill a 50,000 word commitment when I so love my writing.
October 10, 2014
In preparation for...
I read an interesting article in the October Writer's Digest discussing the first two chapters of Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre. It detailed the hook that gets you into the story, how a characteristic moment reveals what type of person Jane is, the subtle way she described the location, symbolism to bolster Jane's situation and future, what her normal world is like, how neatly backstory was slipped in and how minimal it was, the manner in which she revealed character traits like intelligence and precociousness, the establishment of the dramatic question that will mold the story, action beats used to further the story and character, the lie the character believes that will propel their action forward, and the extraordinary factor. I've never read Jane Eyre; now I want to.
I see a lot of this already established in my opening chapters of The Vanishing of Owen Taylor. Hell, the story's first line sets up the dramatic question -- why does Jake stay with Antony? And it keeps pushing through the rest of the book and winds up being more important than anyone thought it could be, with the final line answering it.
Something it got me to thinking about was, maybe I had so much going on in OT because I didn't want to delve deeply into what that question really meant. Not just to Jake but to Antony. In this story, Tone does things to deliberately drive Jake away. He's got his good reasons for doing it -- everybody has their good reasons, to quote a famous film -- but as it currently stands, the whole issue sort of drifts along once those are revealed until I force it to come back to the fore.
It needs to be the final factor that brings about the resolution, with the answer articulated at the end once Jake accepts the truth of what happened. But as it currently stands, I have a 100 pages of running, jumping and standing still crap after that. Not right...but it was a bloody battle to get me to see it.
I'm finally beginning to think the implosion of OT may have been the blessing that kept me from ruining Jake's story.
I see a lot of this already established in my opening chapters of The Vanishing of Owen Taylor. Hell, the story's first line sets up the dramatic question -- why does Jake stay with Antony? And it keeps pushing through the rest of the book and winds up being more important than anyone thought it could be, with the final line answering it.
Something it got me to thinking about was, maybe I had so much going on in OT because I didn't want to delve deeply into what that question really meant. Not just to Jake but to Antony. In this story, Tone does things to deliberately drive Jake away. He's got his good reasons for doing it -- everybody has their good reasons, to quote a famous film -- but as it currently stands, the whole issue sort of drifts along once those are revealed until I force it to come back to the fore.
It needs to be the final factor that brings about the resolution, with the answer articulated at the end once Jake accepts the truth of what happened. But as it currently stands, I have a 100 pages of running, jumping and standing still crap after that. Not right...but it was a bloody battle to get me to see it.I'm finally beginning to think the implosion of OT may have been the blessing that kept me from ruining Jake's story.
October 9, 2014
Regrouping
I spent the last couple of days wallowing in misery and contemplating getting drunk...for about half an hour, then I focused on what my next step will be. First I made an inventory of all my scripts -- not counting the ones that were work for hire or rewrites of other people's screenplays -- and plays. Here's a list, in no particular order.
The Alice '65
Carli's Kills
Find Ray T
Blood Angel
Coby O' and the Pink Palace of Texas
5 Dates
Darian's Point
Return to Darian's Point
KAZN (and its adaptation, Death Target)
Mine to Kill
Brand of Justice
Dair's Window
Killing Moon
Wide New World (aka: Still Life)
Delay En Route
We-come
Iron Cross
Bandit Country
The Loft
The Cowboy King of Texas
Cyber-Tribes
Bugzters
The Lavender Curse
I've written another 10 that I have no rights to -- and 4 more are half-written. And there are several books I need to finish writing --
Place of Safety
The Vanishing of Owen Taylor
Hunter
Underground Guy
The Golden Sea
Robert's Wife
I'm near the tail-end of my life. If I don't get my ass in gear, all of my stories will be lost. No one cares about unproduced or unpublished works once you're dead. So I'm seriously thinking about shifting every one of my scripts into book format and the hell with screenplays. I haven't quite convinced myself, yet, but reality is biting me in the ass and it fucking hurts.
When that happens, you better pay attention.
The Alice '65
Carli's Kills
Find Ray T
Blood Angel
Coby O' and the Pink Palace of Texas
5 Dates
Darian's Point
Return to Darian's Point
KAZN (and its adaptation, Death Target)
Mine to Kill
Brand of Justice
Dair's Window
Killing Moon
Wide New World (aka: Still Life)
Delay En Route
We-come
Iron Cross
Bandit Country
The Loft
The Cowboy King of Texas
Cyber-Tribes
Bugzters
The Lavender Curse
I've written another 10 that I have no rights to -- and 4 more are half-written. And there are several books I need to finish writing --
Place of Safety
The Vanishing of Owen Taylor
Hunter
Underground Guy
The Golden Sea
Robert's Wife
I'm near the tail-end of my life. If I don't get my ass in gear, all of my stories will be lost. No one cares about unproduced or unpublished works once you're dead. So I'm seriously thinking about shifting every one of my scripts into book format and the hell with screenplays. I haven't quite convinced myself, yet, but reality is biting me in the ass and it fucking hurts.
When that happens, you better pay attention.
October 7, 2014
They didn't even look at it...
Worked my ass off all weekend to get Death Target (the title I decided on for Vengeance) in order and I did a damn good job...and they didn't even read it. I got one of those, "Thanks for sending this, but we already found something," notes. I didn't do this on my own; if it'd just been a notice posted on InkTip or ISA or Mandy, I'd have ignored it. But I was told they wanted to look at the script on Monday. So I got them the script on Monday. And got less than nothing in return.
It's a good script. Damn fucking good. I don't always feel that way about my work, but this time there's no question in my mind, so I know they didn't turn it down because it was poorly written or plotted. And no question in my mind it could have been done for a million in Morocco while still looking like it cost ten times more. But what can you do when they won't even consider your work? My writing could be on the same level as Shakespeare's and it wouldn't do me a damn bit of good.
That, in and of itself was hard to take, but this evening I finally got hold of someone at the Riverside County Sheriff's Office to discuss the ins and outs of Indio's county jail, and that kicked one subplot and two chapters of OT out the window. I still need to find someone in the DA's office to talk with about other aspects of the story, but as of now...
...As of now, I'm taking a break from writing. I can't handle this shit and deal with traveling to Seattle and handling family crap and being told at least once a day that I did something the wrong way, at work. Not that what I did wasn't correct; I just didn't do it the way they wanted.
Warning, warning...nice, big crash and burn en route to my psyche; take cover.
It's a good script. Damn fucking good. I don't always feel that way about my work, but this time there's no question in my mind, so I know they didn't turn it down because it was poorly written or plotted. And no question in my mind it could have been done for a million in Morocco while still looking like it cost ten times more. But what can you do when they won't even consider your work? My writing could be on the same level as Shakespeare's and it wouldn't do me a damn bit of good.
That, in and of itself was hard to take, but this evening I finally got hold of someone at the Riverside County Sheriff's Office to discuss the ins and outs of Indio's county jail, and that kicked one subplot and two chapters of OT out the window. I still need to find someone in the DA's office to talk with about other aspects of the story, but as of now...
...As of now, I'm taking a break from writing. I can't handle this shit and deal with traveling to Seattle and handling family crap and being told at least once a day that I did something the wrong way, at work. Not that what I did wasn't correct; I just didn't do it the way they wanted.
Warning, warning...nice, big crash and burn en route to my psyche; take cover.
October 6, 2014
The first 4 pages of "Vengeance"...or maybe, "Target For Death"...
FADE IN:
EXT. FRENCH VILLA - DAY
Large, well-kept, near the Mediterranean. An SUV waits in the driveway, another SUV behind it. A stocky man in a sharp suit, LEGRIS, waits with heavily-armed POLICEMEN.
A solid brick of a POLICE CHAUFFEUR exits the house, followed by GEORGES BASSIR, 50, well-dressed.
BASSIR
(in French)
Irina, come! We’re late.
A stylish woman -- IRINA, 50 -- strides out, smiling.
IRINA
(in French)
Jean-Pay is already a day late, and when is the train ever on time?
A lovely young woman follows her -- LANA. She toys with a wedding ring on her finger.
LANA
(in French)
It will be, today. But Jean won’t care.
BASSIR
(in French)
Still loves his bride, eh? Wait till he’s married as long as me.
IRINA
Georges!
He kisses her, gets in the front passenger seat; the women are in the back. Legris and his cops get in their vehicle.
CHAUFFEUR
(to cops, in French)
Try to keep up.
IRINA
(in French)
No need to rush.
They drive off, Legris and his cops leading.
EXT. FRENCH HILLSIDE - DAY
A powerful, SCARRED MAN lies under a bush. Watches the villa through binoculars. He sends a text on his mobile.
The text shows on a mobile phone -- “he in back car.”
Just down the hill, LEGION, a trim Russian in his 30s, puts the phone away, turns on a small gray drone. Sends it flying.
EXT. FRENCH VILLA - DAY
The SUVs whip through an electronic gate onto a winding road.
Another POLICEMAN waves them past.
IN BASSIR’S SUV
He motions back to the guard.
BASSIR
(in French)
This is what you get for butting your nose into other people’s business.
CHAUFFEUR
(in French)
You were right to do it, Mr. Bassir. Mr. Legris would agree.
BASSIR
(in French)
I’m glad he thinks so. What about you, Lana? Do you think I’m a fool?
LANA
(in French)
I know you’re revered by your son, and his wife.
BASSIR
(in French)
Even though we must now live in a cage?
LANA
(in French)
It will not be forever.
BASSIR
(in French)
One hopes.
ON THE ROAD
They speed on.
The drone approaches behind Bassir’s SUV...gets closer and closer...
The Chauffeur notices it.
CHAUFFEUR
(in French)
What the -- !
He hits the horn -- BEEP -- BEEP --
IN THE LEAD SUV
Legris looks around and BOOM!
EXT. RURAL TRAIN DEPOT, FRANCE - DAY
Empty. The sound of the explosion echoes. A strong, goodlooking young man turns -- JEAN-PIERRE BASSIR -- JP. You can see his father in him. A duffel bag beside him. He sees smoke rise in the distance.
INT. MARSEILLE BAR - NIGHT
JP collapses on a table, drunk, wedding ring on his finger. SASHA -- big, blond, Russian, same age as him -- is almost as drunk.
SASHA
(Russian accent)
JP, come. Must -- home.
EXT. MARSEILLE BAR - NIGHT
Deserted. Dark. Sasha and Jean-Pierre half-carry each other to a nearby car. Both sing.
SASHA & JP
Ochi chyonye, ochi zhguchie,
ochi strastnye i prekrasnye,
kak lyublyu ya vas, kak boyus’ ya vas,
znat uvidel vas ya ne v dobryi chas.
JP stumbles on the words. Sasha laughs.
JP
(French accent)
Merde...fucking Russian...
SASHA
Careful. Is my mother language.
JP
(in French)
I have to pee.
(in English)
That’s French. Means I have to pee. That’s my language.
He stumbles into an alley. Sasha unlocks his car, continues to sing “Ochi chyornye.”
IN THE ALLEY
JP pees.
SCARRED MAN (O.S.)
Bassir.
JP
Oui?
SCARRED MAN
Pied Noir.
JP looks around, angry.
THE SCARRED MAN APPEARS FROM THE SHADOWS -- STABS HIM!
JP cries out -- jolts back -- falls.
SASHA (O.S.)
JP? Jean-Pierre?
JP sees blood on his hands. Smiles.
JP
(in French)
Finish it...asshole...
The Scarred Man starts for JP. Sasha runs over.
SASHA
JP!
JP
Sasha, non!
He tries to get up.
The Scarred Man slices his knife through Sasha’s throat!
JP kicks the man down -- fights him -- guts him with his own knife. Blood flies. JP pushes his body away, bleeding.
JP (CONT’D)
SASHA! ...Sasha...
He sees Sasha’s lifeless body. He passes out.
DISSOLVE TO
EXT. ASHRAQAT TECHNOLOGIES - DAY
A long low flat warehouse surrounded by open desert and two or three trees, near Casablanca. An expensive sedan parks by the entrance. YOUSEFF -- a youth-obsessed middle-aged man -- hops out. He strides to a door.
JP (O.S.)
Uncle Youseff.
JP leans against a new convertible. His hair is almost blond.
YOUSEFF
...Jean-Pierre!?
EXT. FRENCH VILLA - DAY
Large, well-kept, near the Mediterranean. An SUV waits in the driveway, another SUV behind it. A stocky man in a sharp suit, LEGRIS, waits with heavily-armed POLICEMEN.
A solid brick of a POLICE CHAUFFEUR exits the house, followed by GEORGES BASSIR, 50, well-dressed.
BASSIR
(in French)
Irina, come! We’re late.
A stylish woman -- IRINA, 50 -- strides out, smiling.
IRINA
(in French)
Jean-Pay is already a day late, and when is the train ever on time?
A lovely young woman follows her -- LANA. She toys with a wedding ring on her finger.
LANA
(in French)
It will be, today. But Jean won’t care.
BASSIR
(in French)
Still loves his bride, eh? Wait till he’s married as long as me.
IRINA
Georges!
He kisses her, gets in the front passenger seat; the women are in the back. Legris and his cops get in their vehicle.
CHAUFFEUR
(to cops, in French)
Try to keep up.
IRINA
(in French)
No need to rush.
They drive off, Legris and his cops leading.
EXT. FRENCH HILLSIDE - DAY
A powerful, SCARRED MAN lies under a bush. Watches the villa through binoculars. He sends a text on his mobile.
The text shows on a mobile phone -- “he in back car.”
Just down the hill, LEGION, a trim Russian in his 30s, puts the phone away, turns on a small gray drone. Sends it flying.
EXT. FRENCH VILLA - DAY
The SUVs whip through an electronic gate onto a winding road.
Another POLICEMAN waves them past.
IN BASSIR’S SUV
He motions back to the guard.
BASSIR
(in French)
This is what you get for butting your nose into other people’s business.
CHAUFFEUR
(in French)
You were right to do it, Mr. Bassir. Mr. Legris would agree.
BASSIR
(in French)
I’m glad he thinks so. What about you, Lana? Do you think I’m a fool?
LANA
(in French)
I know you’re revered by your son, and his wife.
BASSIR
(in French)
Even though we must now live in a cage?
LANA
(in French)
It will not be forever.
BASSIR
(in French)
One hopes.
ON THE ROAD
They speed on.
The drone approaches behind Bassir’s SUV...gets closer and closer...
The Chauffeur notices it.
CHAUFFEUR
(in French)
What the -- !
He hits the horn -- BEEP -- BEEP --
IN THE LEAD SUV
Legris looks around and BOOM!
EXT. RURAL TRAIN DEPOT, FRANCE - DAY
Empty. The sound of the explosion echoes. A strong, goodlooking young man turns -- JEAN-PIERRE BASSIR -- JP. You can see his father in him. A duffel bag beside him. He sees smoke rise in the distance.
INT. MARSEILLE BAR - NIGHT
JP collapses on a table, drunk, wedding ring on his finger. SASHA -- big, blond, Russian, same age as him -- is almost as drunk.
SASHA
(Russian accent)
JP, come. Must -- home.
EXT. MARSEILLE BAR - NIGHT
Deserted. Dark. Sasha and Jean-Pierre half-carry each other to a nearby car. Both sing.
SASHA & JP
Ochi chyonye, ochi zhguchie,
ochi strastnye i prekrasnye,
kak lyublyu ya vas, kak boyus’ ya vas,
znat uvidel vas ya ne v dobryi chas.
JP stumbles on the words. Sasha laughs.
JP
(French accent)
Merde...fucking Russian...
SASHA
Careful. Is my mother language.
JP
(in French)
I have to pee.
(in English)
That’s French. Means I have to pee. That’s my language.
He stumbles into an alley. Sasha unlocks his car, continues to sing “Ochi chyornye.”
IN THE ALLEY
JP pees.
SCARRED MAN (O.S.)
Bassir.
JP
Oui?
SCARRED MAN
Pied Noir.
JP looks around, angry.
THE SCARRED MAN APPEARS FROM THE SHADOWS -- STABS HIM!
JP cries out -- jolts back -- falls.
SASHA (O.S.)
JP? Jean-Pierre?
JP sees blood on his hands. Smiles.
JP
(in French)
Finish it...asshole...
The Scarred Man starts for JP. Sasha runs over.
SASHA
JP!
JP
Sasha, non!
He tries to get up.
The Scarred Man slices his knife through Sasha’s throat!
JP kicks the man down -- fights him -- guts him with his own knife. Blood flies. JP pushes his body away, bleeding.
JP (CONT’D)
SASHA! ...Sasha...
He sees Sasha’s lifeless body. He passes out.
DISSOLVE TO
EXT. ASHRAQAT TECHNOLOGIES - DAY
A long low flat warehouse surrounded by open desert and two or three trees, near Casablanca. An expensive sedan parks by the entrance. YOUSEFF -- a youth-obsessed middle-aged man -- hops out. He strides to a door.
JP (O.S.)
Uncle Youseff.
JP leans against a new convertible. His hair is almost blond.
YOUSEFF
...Jean-Pierre!?
October 5, 2014
Sent that sucker off...
Spent the day going over Vengeance for inconsistencies and clarity and simplicity...and I found a number of spots that needed work, but it's still 100 pages. New possible title -- Target For Death.
Here are the main characters in my script's world --
Jean-Pierre Bassir, JP (his mother calls him Jean-Pay), the lead, 20s, French-Algerian, rugby player, newlywed. Knows Savate, a French form of martial art. He sets out on a course for revenge against the man he thinks had his family killed. He's suicidal so doesn't care if he dies, until he falls for Abrielle and realizes he may be after the wrong man.
Abrielle Charpin, 20, college student, has a head on her shoulders, sraight-forward, honest, housed in British public schools (private) for years so speaks with a British accent. She knows who her father is but as she says, "You don't get to choose your parents." Very protective of her brother, but vulnerable.
Paul Charpin, 40s, illegal arms dealer, brutal, run out of France by Legris. Now lives in Casablanca and has his business up and running through Spain instead of France. Protective of his children, but not nice about it.
Issam Charpin, 16, housed in British public schools (private) for years so speaks with a British accent, plays football (soccer) for an elite private school, smokes pot, been in rehab and insolent about it. His mother died in his arms when he was 13, uses drugs to escape.
Georges Bassir, 50, Genial bank officer who found his bank was laundering money for Charpin, went to Legris and the cops, got killed for it, along with his wife and new daughter-in-law. Probably was JP's best friend.
Antoine Legris, 40s, solid, hard, high in the French National Police, realistic enough to use his leverage to get rid of Charpin after Bassir is killed, since he can't put him in jail. Uses JP to get to Charpin, again.
Youseff al Masiri, brother of JP's mother, youth-and-money-obsessed, lives in Casablanca, knew Charpin in Marseilles but supposedly out of touch with him.
Lauren al Masiri, British, 40 and youth obsessed, has a thing for JP. Manipulative. Not the maternal type, at all.
Legion, Russian assassin out to kill somebody, question is, who?
I cut it down to 20 locations from 40, and kept JP's flashbacks more than I expected.
We'll see what they say...
Here are the main characters in my script's world --
Jean-Pierre Bassir, JP (his mother calls him Jean-Pay), the lead, 20s, French-Algerian, rugby player, newlywed. Knows Savate, a French form of martial art. He sets out on a course for revenge against the man he thinks had his family killed. He's suicidal so doesn't care if he dies, until he falls for Abrielle and realizes he may be after the wrong man.
Abrielle Charpin, 20, college student, has a head on her shoulders, sraight-forward, honest, housed in British public schools (private) for years so speaks with a British accent. She knows who her father is but as she says, "You don't get to choose your parents." Very protective of her brother, but vulnerable.
Paul Charpin, 40s, illegal arms dealer, brutal, run out of France by Legris. Now lives in Casablanca and has his business up and running through Spain instead of France. Protective of his children, but not nice about it.
Issam Charpin, 16, housed in British public schools (private) for years so speaks with a British accent, plays football (soccer) for an elite private school, smokes pot, been in rehab and insolent about it. His mother died in his arms when he was 13, uses drugs to escape.
Georges Bassir, 50, Genial bank officer who found his bank was laundering money for Charpin, went to Legris and the cops, got killed for it, along with his wife and new daughter-in-law. Probably was JP's best friend.
Antoine Legris, 40s, solid, hard, high in the French National Police, realistic enough to use his leverage to get rid of Charpin after Bassir is killed, since he can't put him in jail. Uses JP to get to Charpin, again.
Youseff al Masiri, brother of JP's mother, youth-and-money-obsessed, lives in Casablanca, knew Charpin in Marseilles but supposedly out of touch with him.
Lauren al Masiri, British, 40 and youth obsessed, has a thing for JP. Manipulative. Not the maternal type, at all.
Legion, Russian assassin out to kill somebody, question is, who?
I cut it down to 20 locations from 40, and kept JP's flashbacks more than I expected.
We'll see what they say...
October 4, 2014
Rewrite's done
Got it down to 100 pages, and may change the title to Marked For Death. I'm going to scan through it one more time to make sure I have everything in order and all the affiliated changes done...but it's a lot faster and cleaner.
I cut back on the number of locations, too. And I think Spain could substitute for France in the Marseille sequences, so long as the filmmakers are careful. That would be cheaper. There's still some jumping back and forth in time, though nowhere near as much in the Russian version of the script.
If anyone questions that, I can always say I'm trying for a Steven Soderberg style, like in Ocean's 11 and The Limey. I liked how that worked, and how lovely the moments were that it set up in The Good Soldier. And JP's breakdown works better with him being half French instead of full-blood Russian.
Guess we'll see how it goes...
I cut back on the number of locations, too. And I think Spain could substitute for France in the Marseille sequences, so long as the filmmakers are careful. That would be cheaper. There's still some jumping back and forth in time, though nowhere near as much in the Russian version of the script.
If anyone questions that, I can always say I'm trying for a Steven Soderberg style, like in Ocean's 11 and The Limey. I liked how that worked, and how lovely the moments were that it set up in The Good Soldier. And JP's breakdown works better with him being half French instead of full-blood Russian.
Guess we'll see how it goes...
October 3, 2014
Once you start...
...It's hard to stop. Now that I'm rearranging Kazn into Vengeance, I'm getting hit with ideas on how to make it leaner and cleaner. I dropped another sub-plot about money being stolen from people's bank accounts, using electronic transfers. That works better coming out of Russia than France or England. I also made one character British and another went back to being Russian.
Two others have been cut and I have a car bombing at the beginning that looks expensive but can be shot for very little. The big deal will be shooting some scenes in a villa outside Marseille, overlooking the Mediterranean. Nothing in Morocco looks like that; it's a lot flatter and mostly desert, so they'll have to do a couple days in France.
I did throw in one snarky bit where a guy comes up to customs to enter the country, and when he's asked why he's coming to Casablanca, he says, "For the waters. I came for the waters." I had to fight to keep from adding in, "But we're in the desert," and "I was misinformed." Truncated, but...
Well...need I say more?
Two others have been cut and I have a car bombing at the beginning that looks expensive but can be shot for very little. The big deal will be shooting some scenes in a villa outside Marseille, overlooking the Mediterranean. Nothing in Morocco looks like that; it's a lot flatter and mostly desert, so they'll have to do a couple days in France.
I did throw in one snarky bit where a guy comes up to customs to enter the country, and when he's asked why he's coming to Casablanca, he says, "For the waters. I came for the waters." I had to fight to keep from adding in, "But we're in the desert," and "I was misinformed." Truncated, but...
Well...need I say more?
October 2, 2014
Slashin' and a burnin'...
Wow...I've cut 11 pages out of KAZN and I'm only to page 46. But the clarity is better. I think. I hope. I guess I'll find out. I have until Monday to submit it, so that should give me sufficient time. Looks like this may be a hundred page script, not the 124 it was.
For a little while, I was afraid I'd have to travel down to NYC this weekend to pick up some artwork. Our usual guy down there was giving us fits about doing it under a certain timeframe, and a friend of mine who could do it is out of town, so I'd have been gone for 4 days. But it would've cost so damn much more, we're still pushing him to do it.
Normally I like to drive down the road to NYC, and this would be the perfect time of year to do it. But it'd mean probably pushing VENGEANCE too hard...and want this script to be as solid as possible. I've cut out a couple of high-ticket moments so I can focus on the important one -- a fight on a boat in the harbor in the dark. If I work this moment right, the audience will think the hero is really going to die...because I've been hinting throughout the script that's what he wants.
One problem is, I'm not sure how restrictive Morocco is about men and women partying together or meeting at coffee shops, and don't have time to do any real in-depth research. I just know much of Northern Africa and the MidEast have become more hard-assed about such things...so my characters may be too liberal for them. To some Muslims, a woman caught just talking to a man who is not her husband is cause for a hundred lashes -- on her. Not him; like most religions, it's all "boys will be boys and women are whores."
I think the world would be a lot better if it was the other way around.
For a little while, I was afraid I'd have to travel down to NYC this weekend to pick up some artwork. Our usual guy down there was giving us fits about doing it under a certain timeframe, and a friend of mine who could do it is out of town, so I'd have been gone for 4 days. But it would've cost so damn much more, we're still pushing him to do it.
Normally I like to drive down the road to NYC, and this would be the perfect time of year to do it. But it'd mean probably pushing VENGEANCE too hard...and want this script to be as solid as possible. I've cut out a couple of high-ticket moments so I can focus on the important one -- a fight on a boat in the harbor in the dark. If I work this moment right, the audience will think the hero is really going to die...because I've been hinting throughout the script that's what he wants.
One problem is, I'm not sure how restrictive Morocco is about men and women partying together or meeting at coffee shops, and don't have time to do any real in-depth research. I just know much of Northern Africa and the MidEast have become more hard-assed about such things...so my characters may be too liberal for them. To some Muslims, a woman caught just talking to a man who is not her husband is cause for a hundred lashes -- on her. Not him; like most religions, it's all "boys will be boys and women are whores."
I think the world would be a lot better if it was the other way around.
October 1, 2014
Out-clevered...
Sometimes I out-clever myself and get into trouble. That synopsis I sent out...thinking I wouldn't hear back for a few days...or weeks? They already want to see the script. So now I'm in the middle of a frantic rewrite. Which isn't proving to be all that hard, just time-consuming. Because it means changing names and locations and characters, in some cases, which means changing actions.
But the fact is, I'm clearing out a lot of things I'd tried with KAZN -- non-linear structure, telling a third of the story in flashbacks that informed on the current situation, that sort of stuff. This is going to be fairly mainstream and straightforward...and cheaper to shoot.
I'm keeping just the bedrock of the story -- that JP is being used to kill a man he thinks killed his family for reasons he doesn't come to see until he almost does exactly that. At the same time, VENGEANCE is going to be very different from the original. LA and Malibu became near characters in that one. This one, I'm thinking on my feet and coming up with solutions that surprise me.
Like using a drone to spy on people. One of the wonders of our brave new world.
This may prove to be fun...
But the fact is, I'm clearing out a lot of things I'd tried with KAZN -- non-linear structure, telling a third of the story in flashbacks that informed on the current situation, that sort of stuff. This is going to be fairly mainstream and straightforward...and cheaper to shoot.
I'm keeping just the bedrock of the story -- that JP is being used to kill a man he thinks killed his family for reasons he doesn't come to see until he almost does exactly that. At the same time, VENGEANCE is going to be very different from the original. LA and Malibu became near characters in that one. This one, I'm thinking on my feet and coming up with solutions that surprise me.
Like using a drone to spy on people. One of the wonders of our brave new world.This may prove to be fun...
