Debmita Dutta's Blog, page 105
June 2, 2016
How to help your child make friends
[image error] As I get into my car with my daughter after school – a school bus full of children passes by. A bunch of children call out my daughter’s name and wave.
My heart fills with pride. I feel happy and satisfied.
Like every other parent in the world – I want my child to be popular and have lots of friends.
Friendships are extremely important in life and no one needs to tell us why.
Every human being wants to belong. Every one of us wants to feel appreciated, needed and loved. And having friends fulfils all these needs.
It can be emotionally devastating for a child to be rejected by his peers and feel left out. It can impact the child’s self-esteem severely, and lead to behavior problems and depression.
How to make friends and sustain friendships is one of the most important skills a child needs to master in the early years.
Through friendships children learn social skills like cooperation, sharing and conflict management. Friendships strengthen a child’s sense of belonging. They hone his ability to understand what others are thinking and feeling and this helps him to adjust socially later in life
It is a myth that childhood friendships are automatic and effortless. As parents we need to build social skills and qualities into our children that will help them attract friendships
Here are the 5 things you should teach your child – to ensure that his life is enriched with friendships
Teach your child how to Smile
Smiling is the first sign that you are open to being friends. As city dwellers we tend to isolate ourselves in our little self-sufficient islands even as we live in close proximity to millions of other people. It becomes a habit to avoid meeting the eyes of the people around you. It becomes a habit to look the other way so that you don’t have to smile. And that is what your children learn from you.
As they watch you - children learn not to smile.
Even if a child is dying to make friends – if he doesn’t smile – he comes across as unfriendly and unapproachable and loses out on opportunities to make friends.
Smile – and encourage your child to smile.
Make it easier for your child to learn how to greet
The first step towards making new friends or penetrating a group of playing children is to walk up and utter a greeting.
If your child is waiting to join a group of playing children he may be able to make eye contact with a child from the group, but unless he can instantly greet the child with a “Hi!” or a “Hello!” to start a conversation - he could miss out on the opportunity to join the group.
It is not easy for children to utter a greeting if they are not used to it. And it becomes even more difficult when they are trying it in testing circumstances where they know that there is a chance their greeting may be rejected or ignored.
To make it easier for your child to greet – throw greetings around freely – when you are at home and when it is not necessary to be formal.
Get up in the morning and say “Good morning”
When you walk into the house shout out a “Hi!”
Yes – social skills need to be practiced repeatedly to emerge automatically and seem effortless.
Teach your child to admire and compliment
Handing out a genuine compliment is another easy way to make friends. Everyone likes someone to notice and like things about them and it can be an easy way to start a conversation
To compliment without sounding fake, one needs to be generous and genuine. Both of these qualities are learnt by children from their parents.
Make it habit to hand out compliments when your child can hear you.
Admire that nice sweater on another little one. Include your child in the admiration too. Tell your child –“Look – have you seen what a lovely sweater that little girl is wearing? Let’s walk up to her and tell her” Take your child with you as you walk up to deliver the compliment.
Don’t compare – it teaches children to envy instead of being generous.
Teach your child kindness and consideration
Kindness begets kindness and is a wonderful place to begin a friendship.
Children learn kindness by watching their parents being kind.
Hold the door open for a child you don’t know. Encourage your child to pick something up that an old woman has dropped.
Offer to help a neighbour with her heavy bags up the stairs. Allow someone to move ahead of you in the queue.
Let your child join in as you perform your little acts of kindness and consideration – allow them to experience the joy that being kind brings. It is a joy that is almost addicting.
Build your child’s self esteem
A child who doesn’t have friends can easily fall into the trap of “Nobody likes me.”
When your child comes back to you crying and dejected - envelope him in your unconditional love. Tell him how wonderful he is because he is polite, friendly, kind and considerate. Encourage him to build on these qualities.
Politeness, kindness and consideration are sure to elicit positive reactions from the recipients and make him feel more likeable
.
Rejections are inevitable in life – but as parents it is most important that we ensure that these rejections do effect our child’s self-esteem.
If you want to be liked by others – you must first like yourself.
Build positive self-esteem make sure your child knows he is likable
Give your child plenty of opportunities to play and interact with children
Just because two children are thrown together – they will not become friends. You cannot force friendships upon your child – even if those friendships are most convenient. You may want to hang out with your friend – but you must accept it if your child does not get along with her child.
If your child is unable to find friends in a particular group – ensure that you give him other opportunities to socialize. There is no point in insisting that a child make friends with children of your choice.
Enrolling children in non-competitive activities gives them a wonderful opportunity to interact and build friendships around shared interests and must definitely be a priority for parents who have shy or friendless children.
As loving parents we are often unable to see why other children don’t want to be friends with our perfect and wonderful child. This can make us feel hurt and defensive.
To avoid feeling hurt we often try to replace friends with devices or buying them more toys. We try to convince our children that they don’t need to be friends with “those nasty children” and we keep them away from group play to avoid rejection and tears.
Spending more and more time alone however, only ensures that children lose out further on social skills. And this is counterproductive. Children must learn to deal with rejections, anger and conflicts because these are a part of normal social life.
Children need friends. And whatever you do you cannot compel other children to be friends with your child
Help your child build the social skills he needs to initiate and sustain friendships
My heart fills with pride. I feel happy and satisfied.
Like every other parent in the world – I want my child to be popular and have lots of friends.
Friendships are extremely important in life and no one needs to tell us why.
Every human being wants to belong. Every one of us wants to feel appreciated, needed and loved. And having friends fulfils all these needs.
It can be emotionally devastating for a child to be rejected by his peers and feel left out. It can impact the child’s self-esteem severely, and lead to behavior problems and depression.
How to make friends and sustain friendships is one of the most important skills a child needs to master in the early years.
Through friendships children learn social skills like cooperation, sharing and conflict management. Friendships strengthen a child’s sense of belonging. They hone his ability to understand what others are thinking and feeling and this helps him to adjust socially later in life
It is a myth that childhood friendships are automatic and effortless. As parents we need to build social skills and qualities into our children that will help them attract friendships
Here are the 5 things you should teach your child – to ensure that his life is enriched with friendships
Teach your child how to Smile
Smiling is the first sign that you are open to being friends. As city dwellers we tend to isolate ourselves in our little self-sufficient islands even as we live in close proximity to millions of other people. It becomes a habit to avoid meeting the eyes of the people around you. It becomes a habit to look the other way so that you don’t have to smile. And that is what your children learn from you.
As they watch you - children learn not to smile.
Even if a child is dying to make friends – if he doesn’t smile – he comes across as unfriendly and unapproachable and loses out on opportunities to make friends.
Smile – and encourage your child to smile.
Make it easier for your child to learn how to greet
The first step towards making new friends or penetrating a group of playing children is to walk up and utter a greeting.
If your child is waiting to join a group of playing children he may be able to make eye contact with a child from the group, but unless he can instantly greet the child with a “Hi!” or a “Hello!” to start a conversation - he could miss out on the opportunity to join the group.
It is not easy for children to utter a greeting if they are not used to it. And it becomes even more difficult when they are trying it in testing circumstances where they know that there is a chance their greeting may be rejected or ignored.
To make it easier for your child to greet – throw greetings around freely – when you are at home and when it is not necessary to be formal.
Get up in the morning and say “Good morning”
When you walk into the house shout out a “Hi!”
Yes – social skills need to be practiced repeatedly to emerge automatically and seem effortless.
Teach your child to admire and compliment
Handing out a genuine compliment is another easy way to make friends. Everyone likes someone to notice and like things about them and it can be an easy way to start a conversation
To compliment without sounding fake, one needs to be generous and genuine. Both of these qualities are learnt by children from their parents.
Make it habit to hand out compliments when your child can hear you.
Admire that nice sweater on another little one. Include your child in the admiration too. Tell your child –“Look – have you seen what a lovely sweater that little girl is wearing? Let’s walk up to her and tell her” Take your child with you as you walk up to deliver the compliment.
Don’t compare – it teaches children to envy instead of being generous.
Teach your child kindness and consideration
Kindness begets kindness and is a wonderful place to begin a friendship.
Children learn kindness by watching their parents being kind.
Hold the door open for a child you don’t know. Encourage your child to pick something up that an old woman has dropped.
Offer to help a neighbour with her heavy bags up the stairs. Allow someone to move ahead of you in the queue.
Let your child join in as you perform your little acts of kindness and consideration – allow them to experience the joy that being kind brings. It is a joy that is almost addicting.
Build your child’s self esteem
A child who doesn’t have friends can easily fall into the trap of “Nobody likes me.”
When your child comes back to you crying and dejected - envelope him in your unconditional love. Tell him how wonderful he is because he is polite, friendly, kind and considerate. Encourage him to build on these qualities.
Politeness, kindness and consideration are sure to elicit positive reactions from the recipients and make him feel more likeable
.
Rejections are inevitable in life – but as parents it is most important that we ensure that these rejections do effect our child’s self-esteem.
If you want to be liked by others – you must first like yourself.
Build positive self-esteem make sure your child knows he is likable
Give your child plenty of opportunities to play and interact with children
Just because two children are thrown together – they will not become friends. You cannot force friendships upon your child – even if those friendships are most convenient. You may want to hang out with your friend – but you must accept it if your child does not get along with her child.
If your child is unable to find friends in a particular group – ensure that you give him other opportunities to socialize. There is no point in insisting that a child make friends with children of your choice.
Enrolling children in non-competitive activities gives them a wonderful opportunity to interact and build friendships around shared interests and must definitely be a priority for parents who have shy or friendless children.
As loving parents we are often unable to see why other children don’t want to be friends with our perfect and wonderful child. This can make us feel hurt and defensive.
To avoid feeling hurt we often try to replace friends with devices or buying them more toys. We try to convince our children that they don’t need to be friends with “those nasty children” and we keep them away from group play to avoid rejection and tears.
Spending more and more time alone however, only ensures that children lose out further on social skills. And this is counterproductive. Children must learn to deal with rejections, anger and conflicts because these are a part of normal social life.
Children need friends. And whatever you do you cannot compel other children to be friends with your child
Help your child build the social skills he needs to initiate and sustain friendships
May 21, 2016
Antibiotics - To Give Or Not To Give......
A sneeze and you look warily in your child’s directionA cough and you are shaking your head and rolling your eyes
And a warm forehead and you have already imagined the worst diseases possible
Such is parental attachment and love.
If you are a parent it is impossible to disentangle yourself from the clutches of paranoia. We are all victims of it.
It is nightmarish to have a sick child at home. Not only is it heart wrenching to watch your child suffering. It also disrupts any semblance of routine that you may claim to have in the house on regular days when everyone is well.
When your child is sick, you are ready to do just anything to make them well soon – and that is when you reach for antibiotics.
You know that antibiotics cure infections – and the cold and fever are obviously because of infection. So why not use this easily available remedy? Why not give antibiotics? You reason with yourself.
But even as you reach for the antibiotic – somewhere at the back of your mind – something tells you shouldn’t.
And so rages the eternal debate in the mind of the parents of all sick children.
Should we give antibiotics or should we not?
A lot of these doubts come from not knowing enough about antibiotics.
These are the answers to some of the questions that parents ask about antibiotics
“Why do doctors wait for three to four days before starting an antibiotic?”
When we train as doctors – we are taught this in medical school.
“A viral infection left untreated – gets better in 7 days. And if it is treated with antibiotics – the patient gets better in 1 week.”
This is a humorous way of teaching young doctors the futility of using antibiotics in viral infections.
Learn more about Viral infections
Antibiotics kill bacteria. They have absolutely no effect on infections caused by viruses. It is common knowledge that most childhood infections are usually viral infections. That is why doctors wait for 3 -4 days before they start antibiotics. They want to be sure the infection is not a viral infection before they start antibiotics. And this is usually evident in 3 – 4 days.
“But children really do get better rapidly once the doctor starts antibiotics. How does that happen?”
When a doctor starts antibiotics – he is certain – that what started out as a viral infection – has now turned into a bacterial infection and that is why – when he starts antibiotics – the child immediately improves.
When you start antibiotics yourself without prescription – things sometimes improve too. This is not because the antibiotic starts acting against the virus or because the disease was a bacterial infection in the first place. The improvement is usually an illusion.
Viral infections are at their worst on the third day and start to get better by the fourth day. It is usually the third day that parents find unbearable. They are unable to tolerate their child’s suffering and they are tired of the havoc the illness in the family is wreaking on their lives – and so they start antibiotics. The next day the child is better and all the credit goes to the antibiotic. What has really happened here however is – that by the time the antibiotic was started, the viral infection had run its course and was on its way out anyway. This would have happened anyway – even if the antibiotic had not been started.
“Is there a way to know if an infection is bacterial or viral?”
Yes there are several clinical signs that doctors are trained to identify that tell them that an infection is a bacterial infection. And what these clinical signs tell the doctor – can usually be confirmed by lab tests.
While most childhood infections are viral – there is the possibility of infections being bacterial as well. Also viral infections considerably lower the immunity of the child that they infect. This makes it easier for bacteria to overpower the immune system and cause a bacterial infection. So sometimes there may be a bacterial infection superimposed on a viral infection.
Bacterial infections must be treated immediately by starting antibiotics. And only a doctor can tell if an infection is bacterial or viral. That is why it is important to consult a doctor as soon as your child falls sick. And also trust his advice
“Is there any harm in giving an antibiotic even if the infection is not a bacterial infection?”
Yes. Giving an antibiotic when it is not required can do a lot of harm.
The human body houses millions of bacteria. Most of these bacteria are useful bacteria and help in the normal functioning of the body. Antibiotics however do not consider the role of the bacteria in the body before they kill them. When an antibiotic is administered – it indiscriminately kills any bacteria that it comes across in the body. The loss of good bacteria make the body weak and prone to more infections.
The loss of good bacteria can also lead to stomach upsets and diarrhoea
By taking antibiotics when they are not required you build antibiotic resistance. Resistant bacteria are difficult to cure with antibiotics. It takes longer to cure future infections and the antibiotics have to be stronger. If these stronger antibiotics don’t work – hospitalization and use of injectable antibiotics could also be required
Sometimes resistant bacteria do not cause infection in the person who has taken the unnecessary antibiotics because the person who has taken the antibiotics has good immunity. But these bacteria are still alive and can be passed on to other people. At special risk are siblings of the child who has taken the antibiotics and other family members.
Viral infections are terrible. They make you and your child miserable. However the answer to feeling better lies in getting rid of the symptoms. And relief from symptoms does not require antibiotics. Instead of requesting your doctor to start antibiotics – ask for something that will relieve symptoms and make your child feel better.
May 13, 2016
5 Easy Ways to Connect with your Child
Connecting with your child should be the easiest thing in the world – but it isn’t.
Children live in the moment. “Here” and “Now” are all that they understand.
And adults almost never live in the here and now.
There is always the future to worry about.
You are expecting that very important email anytime now
There is an EMI that needs to paid next week
An important project is due by the end of the month
And of course the appraisal needs to be great at the end of the year.
If nothing else – there is the worry about what to make for dinner – or the clothes that need to be put into the washing machine to be laundered.
The clock is constantly ticking. Yes – that is life.
Whether it is the beginning of the day or the end – worries like this – make it difficult for parents to connect with their child.
Planning elaborate activities with children is a noble intention. But in the midst of busy workdays – these are almost impossible to accomplish and can be tremendously stressful if tried.
Connecting with children however is vital – even if it is for a short while. Because allowing disconnect to grow can be dangerous. A disconnected child is prone to bullying and abuse. And disconnected children will certainly not grow into connected teenagers.
How to connect with your child – here are 4 effortless ways to do it -
Smile more. Whenever you make eye contact with your child – make it a point to smile.
Smiling should come naturally to us – especially when we are looking at our children – because we love them so much. But it doesn’t. Because we are preoccupied or worried all the time.
We are taught that we smile when we are happy and so when we see nothing to make us happy – we simply don’t smile.
Not too many people know this – but smiling actually makes you happy.
When you smile at your child and they smile back at you – they convey their happiness with their innocent spontaneous smiles – and that makes you so happy – that it leads you into another smile.
Smile a lot. It is a habit – and it is contagious.
As soon as you walk into the house – drop whatever precious thing you are carrying and give your child a hug
Children wait for hugs. They want to end the period of separation from you – however long or short – with contact. They need actual bodily contact to reassure themselves that you are back – you are really back – and that they are no longer alone.
Often when we walk into the house we are loaded with “things” that keep us from hugging. Or we are in clothes that are too good for messy hugs. Or we are too preoccupied to give in to hugs.
Remember - whatever it is that you are carrying on your mind, body or hands – is never more precious than a hug from your child.
Be generous with hugs. They are a great way to destress and connect.
Sit or lie on the floor – it is a cue for your child to connect
When you are at home – the easiest way to connect is to look relaxed. And the easiest way to look relaxed is – to get down to the level of your child.
Sit or lie on the floor. When was the last time you did that?
Sitting in straight backed chairs or stuffy sofas compels you to keep your distance because of the boundaries of the furniture. When you are on the floor – boundaries are blurred.
Allow your child to sit on your lap or clamber all over you as you lie. There can be no deeper connect.
If housework is stressing you out – drop everything and go with your child for a 10 minute walk
Regular parents have a truckload of housework waiting for them when they get back from work and being in the house and looking at the toys that need to picked up – the laundry that needs to be folded and the dinner that needs to be fixed – can be really stressful.
Housework however can wait – your moment of connection with your child can’t.
Pushing housework back by 10 minutes can do absolutely no harm. Ignore the mess, pay no attention to your child’s shabby clothes – just grab your child and head out for a 10 minute walk.
Those 10 minutes can make a world of a difference to your connection with your child
Surprise yourself and your child
As adults who have children to bring up “perfectly” – we often become boring. Yes – routines are important, homework must be done, every meal must be nutrient packed – but not all the time.
On an odd day – just relax and let go.
Eat a full meal of mangoes. Snuggle into bed as soon as you are back instead of doing housework and homework. Walk in and immediately pull out a board game and start playing instead of interrogating your child about his constructive utilization of time while you were away.
Be spontaneous – it is the easiest way to bond.
Life is beautiful. And it is the connections and bonds that make life so beautiful. Schedule time to bond with your child
May 10, 2016
Parenting made fun and fashionable by Max #MKF2016
At her Parenting Session at the Moms and Kids fashion show by Max #MKF2016 at the Phoenix market City Bangalore Dr Debmita Dutta MBBS,MD - Parenting and Wellness Consultant at The Parenting Place asks this question
“How many weekends will you have with your kids before they turn 5?”
Parents in the audience are slow to respond as they do the simple 52 X 5 calculation over and over again. They calculate over and over again because they just can’t believe the result. No matter how many times the calculation is done – 260 weekends is all that finally comes up.
Yes –260 weekends is all they have. And that is far too few weekends to live the magical moments of parenthood.
Mommy lives are ruled by to-do lists
School – basketball class – piano class – swimming – drawing – birthday parties – play dates – vaccinations – housework – entertaining – driving and what not. Phew!!
There is always too much to do and too little time.
Such few precious moments – all of them must be converted into a treasured memories. Memories that are stored in the heart and mind – and of course in the SD cards of phones.
Memories must be beautiful..They must have children looking happy, bright, colourful, fashionable and also very comfortable. And these memories should not be marred by visions of scrubbing to remove stains or sewing to mend tears – and therefore the need for clothes that are durable and affordable.
The summer collection for Kids launched by Max (a division of Lifestyle International (P) Ltd.) this year - is all of that and more.
This season’s kids wear collection is full of happy cheerful colours like rust orange, cobalt, sunshine yellow, chalky pastels, indigos and fuchsia. The trends are inspired by the ocean, pearls, incandescent sequins, tropical locales, bandana prints and the movie Jungle Book. And as they shop for their kids - Moms can get themselves matching apparel too. The Moms collection is inspired by exotic Cuban flora, bursts of whimsical flowers, Boho and Retro trends.
Max wants to make a difference to parents
And so for the first time in the history of Fashion shows – between the two rounds of ramp walk – Max had Dr Debmita Dutta of The Parenting Place Bangalore - conduct a Parenting Session.
In her session Dr Dutta focused on what Moms could do to bond with their kids – why Tantrums happened and what to do about them. She also spoke about Digital Devices and the role they should play in childhood and the role of Food and Sleep in childhood.
She threw out questions to parents as part of her fun quiz on parenting knowledge and had parents jumping in with answers that she corrected and added to. A fun atmosphere of healthy competition prevailed as happy parents vied with each other for the gift vouchers Max was awarding for the right answers.
As the brand showcased their “Latest fashion at great value” philosophy, they also brought family bonding to the fore.
As celebrity moms Lakshmi Rana and Sonalika Sahay walked down the ramp to peppy foot tapping music with their adorable daughters – happy Moms in the audience smiled and hugged their little ones closer too.
With their innovative organisation of the 6th edition of the Max Kids Fest – Max turned an ordinary Thursday in May – into a magical “Togetherness Thursday”.
"Life is short - every moment must be made magical" was the message they sent out that day.
Time flies. The baby you cradle in your arms – in no time turns into the child you kneel down to talk to and then look up to talk to. The 52 weekends that come along every year are just not enough to create memories to last a lifetime. And so it is important to celebrate every day – every moment.
Max has flooded its stores across the country with cheerful summer clothing –and is inspiring parents with the spirit of fun and togetherness.
Rejoice – without waiting for the weekends. Revel without reason. Look good without worrying. And make every moment of the warm holiday season – a day to cherish.
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“How many weekends will you have with your kids before they turn 5?”
Parents in the audience are slow to respond as they do the simple 52 X 5 calculation over and over again. They calculate over and over again because they just can’t believe the result. No matter how many times the calculation is done – 260 weekends is all that finally comes up.
Yes –260 weekends is all they have. And that is far too few weekends to live the magical moments of parenthood.
Mommy lives are ruled by to-do lists
School – basketball class – piano class – swimming – drawing – birthday parties – play dates – vaccinations – housework – entertaining – driving and what not. Phew!!
There is always too much to do and too little time.
Such few precious moments – all of them must be converted into a treasured memories. Memories that are stored in the heart and mind – and of course in the SD cards of phones.
Memories must be beautiful..They must have children looking happy, bright, colourful, fashionable and also very comfortable. And these memories should not be marred by visions of scrubbing to remove stains or sewing to mend tears – and therefore the need for clothes that are durable and affordable.
The summer collection for Kids launched by Max (a division of Lifestyle International (P) Ltd.) this year - is all of that and more.
This season’s kids wear collection is full of happy cheerful colours like rust orange, cobalt, sunshine yellow, chalky pastels, indigos and fuchsia. The trends are inspired by the ocean, pearls, incandescent sequins, tropical locales, bandana prints and the movie Jungle Book. And as they shop for their kids - Moms can get themselves matching apparel too. The Moms collection is inspired by exotic Cuban flora, bursts of whimsical flowers, Boho and Retro trends.
Max wants to make a difference to parents
And so for the first time in the history of Fashion shows – between the two rounds of ramp walk – Max had Dr Debmita Dutta of The Parenting Place Bangalore - conduct a Parenting Session.
In her session Dr Dutta focused on what Moms could do to bond with their kids – why Tantrums happened and what to do about them. She also spoke about Digital Devices and the role they should play in childhood and the role of Food and Sleep in childhood.
She threw out questions to parents as part of her fun quiz on parenting knowledge and had parents jumping in with answers that she corrected and added to. A fun atmosphere of healthy competition prevailed as happy parents vied with each other for the gift vouchers Max was awarding for the right answers.
As the brand showcased their “Latest fashion at great value” philosophy, they also brought family bonding to the fore.
As celebrity moms Lakshmi Rana and Sonalika Sahay walked down the ramp to peppy foot tapping music with their adorable daughters – happy Moms in the audience smiled and hugged their little ones closer too.
With their innovative organisation of the 6th edition of the Max Kids Fest – Max turned an ordinary Thursday in May – into a magical “Togetherness Thursday”.
"Life is short - every moment must be made magical" was the message they sent out that day.
Time flies. The baby you cradle in your arms – in no time turns into the child you kneel down to talk to and then look up to talk to. The 52 weekends that come along every year are just not enough to create memories to last a lifetime. And so it is important to celebrate every day – every moment.
Max has flooded its stores across the country with cheerful summer clothing –and is inspiring parents with the spirit of fun and togetherness.
Rejoice – without waiting for the weekends. Revel without reason. Look good without worrying. And make every moment of the warm holiday season – a day to cherish.
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May 2, 2016
April 30, 2016
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April 26, 2016
Are you the cause of your child's Junk Food Addiction?
“If you study all day today - I will take you out for pizza”“If you finish dinner - you can have dessert”
“If you play tennis well today - we will stop for ice creams on the way back”
Do you find yourself making such statements all the time?
And do you then complain that your child is a Picky Eater - who picks junk food in place of healthy food?
Can you see why he does that?
When you repeatedly offer junk food as a bribe or reward - you give it the status of the ultimate attainment - you make it that one thing worth striving for.
Junk foods by nature are intensely sweet, salty or fatty. And such foods have the ability to trigger off the Reward Pathway in the brain. The Reward Pathway is what causes people to get addicted to substances like Cocaine.
Cocaine is addicting because - once an addict is attuned to the reward cocaine offers his brain - he is unable to resist the urge to take it in larger and larger doses - which is what makes him an addict.
Junk food works the same way.
Cocaine abuse however is illegal, socially stigmatised and known to be fatal. So even in your wildest dreams you would not dream of offering your child cocaine as a reward.
But you offer your child junk food - the chemical properties of which stimulate the reward pathways of the brain. And by doing this - cause your child to get addicted to something which may not be fatal immediately – but is definitely potentially damaging to the physical and mental health of your child.
In addition with your words - you give it the status of the ultimate attainment or reward.
Unsurprisingly then - your Picky Eater picks junk food over everything else.
Stop offering junk food as a reward. In fact do not offer food as a reward at all.
Rather offer an extra large doses of your affection and time as rewards
Say - “You get two kisses instead of one - every time you play the new piano piece right”
“We play two games of Uno - instead of one if you finish dinner quickly”
“We go for a walk in evening - if you finish studying during the day”
Keep your child from getting addicted even as you compel yourself to eke out those extra minutes of quality time.
Your love in its pure unadulterated form is what your child wants and needs. Do not feel compelled to give support it with the crutch of junk food.
Stay healthy - stay happy
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April 25, 2016
4 Signs that tell you to rethink your child's routine
Life is short. There is too much to do and too little time. If we didn’t plan and schedule everything – where would we be?And so we have schedules and routines.
Routines are fantastic. They are essential in fact when you are a parent and need to successfully ‘run’ – more than one life.
Routines and schedules for children are always created by parents with the best of intentions. We want our children to grow up healthy and enriched with myriad experiences. And with the limited time that we have available – we know that tight schedules are the only ways to make that happen.
And we are right. Routines do work. And because they work so well, sometimes, without us realizing it, they take over our lives. They comfort us with their predictability and efficiency and very soon, are able to convince us that anything different from what they specify, anything that we are not used to or uncomfortable with – is unacceptable.
Being blessed with the task of parenting a child is the amazing opportunity to live life creatively. To do things differently. And to celebrate every moment and have FUN.
Allowing routines and schedules to hijack our lives – robs us of this opportunity – one day at a time.
The pace of our routines can stifle conversation and END COMMUNICATION. It can also make family life BORING and MONOTONOUS.
If you find you are saying one or more of the following things too often to your child – it may be time to review your child’s routine
1. Are you saying “Come on – come on – quick – quick” all the time?
When you are compelled to rush your child all the time – recognize that you have in your enthusiasm – over scheduled your child. The routine of driving your child from class to class and activity to activity - that you made, has now become the routine that makes you. It is time to slow down.
Shamelessly cancel that fun plan that is no longer looking like fun. Go when it’s actually going to be fun.
Without an iota of guilt pull your child out of that hobby class at a distant location. It may be the best – but it’s not right for your child – right now
Every child is different. Just because all the other kids are doing something - your child doesn't necessarily have to do it right then too. The experiences will be right there when he/she is ready.
2. Are you saying “No no no……….we can’t do that now.” All the time?
Parenting a child is an opportunity to live creatively. As parents we often forgo that opportunity because we are in the clutches of our routines.
Routines however should never stand in the way of spontaneity and exciting experiences
Even if it is dinner time – indulge your child and watch the little dance your child has been practising all evening or allow the magic trick your child wants to try on you. It will only take a few minutes to watch and applaud after all.
Indulging your child could mean changing your plan a little – but, give it a thought - if the plan is important only by virtue of being your plan – can there be any harm in changing it a little?
Flexibility is one of the most important parental qualities
3. Are you always correcting your child and saying “No – not like that – do it this way”
As parents we are responsible for teaching our children how to do things the right way – but when we correct children all the time – we could be turning into helicopter parents who are falling into the trap of Hyper parenting.
Also - as adults who already have so much on our plates – we can’t possibly have things being done any which way all the time. We need to factor in the messes that will need to be cleared when things are done just any way.
But sometimes – just sometimes – children should be given the opportunity to do things a certain way “just because” they want to do it that way.
It is important to do things the right way and to stick to routines but when routines begin to stand frequently in the way of spontaneity and fun – it is time to rethink them.
4. Are you always asking “No – why do you want to do that?
It is important that childhood should be filled with a variety of experiences – and as conscientious parents that is what we strive to ensure for our children.
Can it be wrong then, for some of these experiences to be created by your child’s imagination?
A child’s creativity needs room for expansion. And it should not be necessary for a child to give you ten good reasons why he wants to do something whimsical
Instead of asking “Why” can we sometimes not ask “Why not?”.
It is important to encourage creativity. Children learn by being creative and imaginative.
If there is no good reason why they shouldn’t be allowed to do it – why not allow children go ahead and have fun? A new idea – tried tested and proved successful can be a tremendous boost to your child’s self-esteem in addition to being a hands on learning experience.
If it is your child’s jam packed schedule that is keeping you from saying “yes” to new ideas – definitely rethink the schedule.
In your child’s company – sometimes give yourself the permission to be whimsical, laid back and relaxed.
Don’t rush children into tomorrow. Let them live in the moment. Permit them to keep you there too.
March 27, 2016
How to ease your child's fear of Swimming
The summer vacations are here. And if you have a child who hasn’t learnt to swim yet – I am certain you are contemplating enrolling your child in a swimming class.If you are – your intentions are certainly worthy of applause.
Swimming is a life saving skill, it is fantastic exercise, it strengthens the lungs and gives them more power, it is a fun activity and a great way to get outdoors and make friends.
If you are a lucky parent – you will have a child who loves water; a child who is looking forward to learning how to swim and takes to the water like the proverbial fish. In fifteen days then - you will have a child who is effortlessly swimming lengths of the pool.
But what if you are not that lucky?
What if yours is the one child in a class of twenty who refuses to get into the pool?
What if yours is the one child who is howling before every class?
Should you force your child to swim? Or should you just give up?
The answer to both those questions is NO.
Before you enrol your child for a swimming class – it is very important for you to understand that swimming is NOT about thrashing about with the arms and legs. Your child will learn how to swim when he/she learns how to control and regulate breathing .
A frightened child will find it impossible to learn how to swim because when a child is afraid – the first thing he / she will lose control over is – breath.
A howling child who is forced into water - will have great difficulty learning how to swim.
As a child cries - water will enter the nose and mouth and the child will choke on the water as he / she cries. The sensation of drowning that this causes – will terrify an already frightened child – ensuring a fear of swimming classes.
If you are the parent of a child who is afraid of the water – here are some things you should do –
Respect your child’s fear
Never say – “Oh! There is nothing to be scared of”. A pool full of water that looks inviting and beautiful to you - can look like an ocean to a little child.
Do not rush your child
Being in water is a new sensation that the body needs to get used to. Allow your child to proceed slowly and realize that water is not threatening. There are children who need to first just be splashed with water – then dip their feet in and then slowly over a month – move to putting their heads under water for a few seconds. But given a chance these children eventually – do learn how to swim. Fifteen day deadlines that typical swimming classes set – do not work for children.
Work on building confidence
Never allow your child to be taken to the deep end perforce. And NEVER allow your child to be thrown in at the deep end with the mistaken notion that children learn to swim when they are in deep water. A frightened child will open his/her mouth to gulp in air –and end up gulping water instead. The sensation of drowning that this causes – will terrify your child and destroy his/her confidence. Instead – allow your child as much time as he/she requires in the shallow area of the pool – to gain confidence. Stay away from overzealous arrogant instructors.
Empower your child
Always give your child the choice to proceed to the next step or go back one step as he or she chooses. Never prevent a child from leaving the pool if he/she wants. There are days when children are very tired - days when they find the water too cold or days when they are just not in the mood. Compelling children to undertake a challenge they do not feel they can tackle at that moment - can ruin the confidence they have built so far.
Persist and encourage
As difficult as it may be to believe it – every child wants to learn how to swim. Encouraging your child to persist in his/her effort to learn how to swim – is the one thing that your child needs from you
As you teach your child to swim remember that this is your child’s challenge – do NOT make it yours.
Happy swimming !!
February 25, 2016
8 Nutrition Tips for Exam Going Kids
When the exams are around the corner – entire families of those taking the exams are stressed.
Even the parents of the most relaxed children are treading on eggshells around their children. And every parent is looking for an opportunity to do something to help their exam going child. Sadly however – most parents have no idea what to do.
If you are a parent - the simplest way in which you can help your child while you wait for the nail biting race to the finish line – is to help your children with food.
Provide a balanced diet
To work effectively – the brain needs food. Carbohydrates, proteins, fats, vitamins and minerals, are all essential to keep the brain functioning well. As stress gets the better of children – the first thing they do is skip meals and survive on junk food.
It may be difficult to convince children to eat regular meals as they study – but parents can make an attempt to include all the elements of a balanced diet into the food that their child eats through the day with some innovatively cooked snacks
It is important to focus on nutrients because a diet that lacks essential nutrients can compromise concentration.
Focus on frequent small meals
While all the elements of a balanced diet are required to keep the brain and body going – it is important to remember that having the regular three or four square meals while studying long hours can be counterproductive. Heavy meals can be sleep inducing and so frequent small healthy meals packaged as snacks - is what you should ideally give your child.
Eating too much or too little can interfere with the ability to focus. A heavy meal may make one feel tired, while too few calories can result in distracting hunger pangs
Discourage an overdose of sugar in the form of sweets or beverages
The brain runs on sugar. It is the brains most preferred fuel source and so some amount of craving for sweet things is normal in a child who is spending several long hours exercising his/her brain cells. However an excess of sugar can actually impair the functioning of the brain and cause both brain and body to slow down. So keep a watch on how much sugar your child takes in.
Ensure that there is an adequate supply of antioxidants
If your child insists on sweets, try chocolate or cocoa based sweets, which keep the brain in great functioning condition when they are consumed in moderate amounts, because of their antioxidant properties. Nuts and dry fruits are full of antioxidants and very good for the brain too
Do not offer too much caffeine
It is tempting to offer caffeine in the form of tea coffee and other energy drinks to keep the mind alert. However too much caffeine can actually have the reverse effect and make your child jittery and uncomfortable
Provide a healthy breakfast
There is a long gap between dinner and breakfast and since the brain needs food before it can function effectively - breakfast is a non-negotiable. If your child refuses a regular breakfast – package it innovatively into small tasty snacks. Studies have found that eating breakfast may improve short-term memory and attention. Students who eat breakfast tend to perform better than those who don’t. Foods that top the brain-fuel list include high-fibre whole grains, dairy, and fruits.
Overeating at breakfast however – is not a good idea because high-calorie breakfasts induce sleep and sluggishness
Discourage experiments with memory enhancing medicines
As the exams approach – the “I am forgetting everything” feeling can grip students. And their panic about forgetting can overwhelm parents as well.
I have often encountered parents looking around for memory enhancing drugs to help their children at such times.
It is important to remember that while a lot of claims have been made about the memory boosting properties of a lot of drugs – a great deal of research is still required in most cases to prove their efficacy and ensure their safety and absence of side effects. In such a scenario – it is best to exercise extreme caution before experimenting with medications or supplements.
Ensure that your child drinks enough water
Both the brain and the body function best when they are well hydrated. It is important to drink water.
Juices, tea, coffee and other beverages cannot take over the function of water.
Frequent sips from a bottle strategically placed on the study table can make a lot of difference to the functioning of the brain.
A healthy body and mind are extremely important for success in exams. You can contribute to your child’s success by feeding him/her right. And you should.
