A.C. Ping's Blog, page 6

Can You Give Your Children Permission?

"We worry about what a child will become tomorrow,
yet we forget that he is someone today."
Stacia Tauscher

Wow the last post really hit a nerve!

Thanks for your feedback and comments and yes as a Dad I know children and child raising is a work in progress and that there is no 'right' way. Having said that I'd like to share some of my experiences in the context of wanting to share some ideas and stimulate some discussion around raising children.

You see in my work what I've found is that the key aspect to how a person ends up living their life is their inner dialogue around who they really are. In other words, what's the story that they tell about who they are and therefore what they believe they deserve from life?

All of us, I believe, are here for a specific purpose and all of us have a 'path' that we can follow that will lead us on an expansive journey - A Sacred Path.

Our best guide on, or towards that path is our self - or more specifically our - higher self, enlightened self, inner guide - or whatever name works for you.

The problem is that as a small child other people - with all the best intentions in the World - try to teach us what is wrong and right and how to get ahead in the World. BUT they teach us from their often flawed perspective and if we disagree with them in any way they tell us that we are WRONG and that we should adjust our thinking to fit theirs.

All of which causes us to abandon our own sense of guidance and adopt theirs.

But is this the best way?

"Children are human beings to whom respect is due, superior to us by reason of their innocence and of the greater possibilities of their future."
Maria Montessori

What if we decided instead that the MOST important thing was to teach a child to trust themselves and follow their own guidance??

What if we decided to encourage a child to be fully emotionally expressive and to follow their passions?

Is this really possible?

I believe that it is and that the critical times for doing this are 2 - 6 years of age when the child is laying down their subconscious beliefs.

Think about it - looking back on your life - did your parents really know who you were and what your life path was? Or did you have a better idea yourself but were convinced by others who supposedly knew better (just because they were older) that you should drop your idea/passion and follow a 'sensible' path instead?

How did you feel as a child when you were forced to adhere to your parent's way of doing things? How did you feel when you were coerced by threat of punishment or withdrawal of love and/or attention into doing whatever it was your parents wanted you to do?

Did you feel like your parents gave you permission to be who you really were or did you learn to seek your parent's approval instead? Did this work for you in later life?

So, could you do it for your kids???

The keys I think are time, really listening and living by example.

"Children learn what they live
If a child lives with criticism
He learns to condemn
If a child lives with hostility
He learns to fight
If a child lives with ridicule
He learns to be shy
If a child lives with shame
He learns to feel guilty
If a child lives with tolerance
He learns to be patient
If a child lives with encouragement
He learns confidence
If a child lives with praise
He learns to appreciate
If a child lives with fairness
He learns justice
If a child lives with security
He learns faith
If a child lives with approval
He learns to like himself
If a child lives with acceptance
And friendship
He learns to find love in the World."
Anon.

So, give yourself permission to be all you can be, live by example and give your children permission to be themselves too.

In peace and love always.

Give Yourself Permission

"Only when it is dark enough can you see the stars."
Martin Luther King Jnr

It never ceases to amaze me how with all the best intentions in the World we can pass on such toxic belief patterns to our children. See in an ideal World where we've all expanded out to become and be all that we are - we would honour our own inner guidance system with the utmost integrity.

But in the course of trying to raise children and help them to be all that they can be we all so often slip into something that goes like this "Hey kid I'm trying to teach you to be everything you can be and I think I know what I'm doing so do what I say or else I'm going to disapprove of what you are doing/withhold my love from you or whatever else works until you do - all in your best interests and because I love you of course..." And hence teach our children to follow us and seek our approval and permission to be who they are - which is actually OUR version of who we think they are...

Ho hum...

Problem is how all this stuff gets buried like lost treasure to come up later in life once we start digging in to ourselves. Neuroscience research shows that from 0 - 2 years old the brain is predominantly in Delta brain wave patterns (deep sleep - unconscious) then from 2 - 6 predominantly Theta (transcendent states - subconscious) then once they hit 6 the brain pretty much normalises into an adult type of mix.

Between 2 and 6 then we are laying down some pretty deep seated subconscious belief patterns just as Mummy and Daddy are deciding that - now that we can walk, talk and answer back to them - they should be teaching us how we should be...

How does this manifest later in life?

At some stage many of us get to the point where we really want to connect with who we really are so we go digging and bingo up comes the buried treasure.

Working with a client the other day he explained to me how he had a story running that he always quit things and never stuck at things. He'd got a try out for a famous football club as a teenager but when it didn't go well and the coach gave him a bullocking he spat the dummy and never played competitive football again.

Somewhere along the line it became a life pattern and before long he had a story to support it. All of which became self fulfilling until he decided to do some digging.

Up comes the buried treasure - "I have a right to be encouraged and supported" he said

"Otherwise you're taking your ball and going home?" I asked

"Oh" he replied

"How about just giving yourself permission to be who you are and do what you want and give up on waiting for someone else to give you support and encouragement?" I asked

The penny dropped, blinkers were removed, life changed.

So, if you're waiting - DON'T - give yourself permission to be who you really are. TRUST that you really are the best judge of what you should be doing with your life and what is most important to YOU.

Pumping Up The 'I AM' Story

"Focus on the best in one another
by focusing on the best in you first."
 

I've been working at the local University tutoring students in Ethics and Sustainability and one of the by products of that has been that I've been going to my favourite coffee shop dressed in nice work clothes rather than my more usual relaxed gardening attire.

It's never ceased to amaze me how differently people treat me according to how I am dressed but I wonder how much of it has to do with the vibe I put out. Listening some more to the Abraham-Hicks recording of 'The Vortex' I'm impressed with the notion that 'feelings always come first' - FEEL first and then trust that the World fits around your vibration not the other way round.

So, who are you when you're naked?

Strip away the flash clothes, designer accessories, makeup and jewellery and what's left?

Peel another layer back as you remove the nice car and the big house and then yes - sitting in your little teepee in a small shawl who are you?

Which brings me to 'Pumping the I AM story'.

In the Vortex, Abraham encourages us to appreciate who we are right now so we can then allow the flow of love and abundance to flow to us.

Problem is I started the 'I am' story and quickly realised that my measure of self worth was related to my 'doings' rather than my 'being'.

Take away all of the kudos from doing and I was left with looking closely at my being and not necessarily appreciating my level of self judgement.

Without a level of self appreciation it becomes pretty hard to allow the flow of love and abundance to come to you because let's face it - you just don't believe you DESERVE IT!

So - yes - time to pump the 'I AM' story. Start with 'I appreciate all that I am right now and I choose to love and accept all of myself and allow love and abundance to flow easily into my life'.

Don't bother with criticism. Be gentle with yourself. Focus on what is right with naked and fully exposed YOU :)

And a reminder that if you are in the Southern Hemisphere, now is the time to prepare for Visioning.

The ideal time every year to do Vision Quest work is around the Spring Equinox - which is 23rd September. So in this month leading up to the Equinox it is time to reflect on the inner journey that you've been on through Winter and start to open yourself up to the new things coming into your life. Much in the same way as the plants are now awakening from their Winter slumber.

Never Complain Never Explain

"There are things for the understanding
of which a different being is necessary."
Gurdjief

I know that serendipitous moments occur at the most unexpected of times so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when I awoke out of a deep sleep to hear the voice of Esther Hicks as Abraham telling me "When you give your attention to something you want only give appreciation for it, not attention to lack of it".

My flight from Melbourne Australia had been delayed by almost two hours so by the time we boarded the plane I'd done my fair share of watching planes take off, navel gazing and people watching, as well as enjoying an orange sunset and the slow transition from day to night.

What makes us all do what we do? And why are some people more successful at things than others?

I'd travelled from my home in Northern NSW where as my mother recently said 'It seems like everyone is on holidays' to bustling, busy Melbourne where I lost count of how many $300,000 Bentley Continental GTs I saw and no one batted an eyelid at the similarly pricey Audi parked casually in the no standing zone collecting parking tickets at regular intervals .

Years ago I left this life. What if I had stayed on my path as a finance broker? Would it be me parking the Audi carelessly disregarding the street signs? What if? What if?

Once we did board the plane we were delayed another half an hour on the runway and I confess I struggled to remain awake and was happy to finally be in the air and see the seat belt sign switched off.

I slipped in the headphones and clicked on 'The Vortex' by Abraham Hicks with the questions rolling through my mind.

And so - 'Don't pay any attention to lack of what you want'

Never Complain - don't waste your breath. Things happen for a reason you don't need to know why. You just need to have FAITH that they are happening for a reason and then do your very best to get yourself the hell out of the way of what's coming next. Complaining about the circumstances of the right now - whatever they are - just keeps you focussed on the lack.

In the days after I lusted after the Bentleys and Audis I spent time with people who were in that realm and realised that mostly they were focussed on their lack of time and kept telling me what they were going to do NEXT - once they had cash to retire, step back and relax. They told me about empty holiday homes and the plans to enjoy fresh country air. We could swap I thought.

Never Explain - I tried to explain that there was balance to be had. They explained that would happen when their bank balance reached X. I wondered if it was them or me that was focussed on lack.

If you believe that you have a unique life path to follow and you have the courage to believe in yourself then back yourself. No one else needs to understand why you are doing things and no one else's answers will truly work for you.

According to Rudolph Steiner there is another self, a hidden spiritual being which is the individuals guide or guardian which

"Does not make itself known through thoughts or inner words. It acts through deeds, processes and events. It is this other self that leads the soul through the details of its life destiny and evokes its capacities, tendencies and talents."

Who Do You Need To BE to HAVE What You Want?

"Always be. Never try to become.
You can be anything you want, just don't work at becoming.
Remember to be it."
 

Sitting in Melbourne with a great friend he explained to me that he was working on a deal that would net him many millions of dollars. "Wow, then you'll be a multi millionaire" I exclaimed, "I am already" was his dead beat reply.

And there's the rub. Doesn't matter what you want to achieve or what you want to have the trick to getting it is to change your BEing first. If you sit around waiting for something to happen BEFORE you will alter your way of being then by definition you confine yourself to what you have already.

The key here is resonance. We live in a multi dimensional quantum world. All around us, all the time is a quantum field that links us to everything else and everyone else. What you resonate with in the field comes to you. How you resonate is by what you think and feel. Your 'vibe'.

I've never met a successful person in any field who had a shitty 'vibe' and I've met lots of people who were yet to be successful - artists, sports people, business people - who had a great 'vibe' something that ear marked them for success. Often these people were living in challenging circumstances - the trick was that they never let the circumstances dictate their BEing. They decided and they made things change - they shaped the World to suit them not the other way around.

"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination."
Oscar Wilde

So, when you've done your Visioning work and decided on what dreams you wish to pursue the next step is to ask "Who do I need to BE to HAVE that?"

Bearing in mind that success rests easily on people so RELAX.

"Wherever you are, be there."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

The 'I AM GOOD ENOUGH' Process

"Life without love becomes
Just a series of cold heartless transactions."
 

Thanks for all the feedback on 'The Not Good Enough Story' and no it's not factually a true story but yes it has been told many times to many children.

Following on from that post I got asked how exactly DO you retrain yourself to tell an 'I AM good enough story'.

So here goes - keep it simple -

STEP 1 - AWARENESS IS THE FIRST STEP TO HEALING
Listen to your inner voice and become aware of what story you are telling yourself. When you catch your critical inner voice telling you off write the story down on a piece of paper.

Look at the story on the paper - make a DECISION to let it go! Then ideally burn the piece of paper or if that means you are going to set something on fire or set off an alarm of some sort then simply throw it in a bin as far away from where you live as possible (that is consciously and practically rid the story from your life).

STEP 2 - FORGIVE YOURSELF
This is key. No matter how many times you catch yourself telling you the same old same old story adding to the hurt and anguish by beating yourself up is NOT going to help. No you are NOT a Loser you are simply HUMAN. So, just like Vipassana meditation - BE GENTLE!!! - laugh if you can...

It's ALL you - so try saying something like 'Even though part of me keeps telling myself a negative story about myself I'm going to FORGIVE and EMBRACE that part anyway'.

See the little kid in the school playground being mean but what he/she REALLY wants is a hug.

By forgiving yourself you create a space to enable you to move forwards.

STEP 3 - CHOOSE
Yeah CHOOSE - it's your life remember and you really are allowed to CHOOSE so CHOOSE to love yourself unconditionally and ALLOW abundance into your life. That means 'YES I am OK and YES I DO DESERVE abundance in LOVE, MONEY, HAPPINESS...'

STEP 4 - SET INTENTION
Now set your intention for how you want to BE.

Know that if Self Love goes down your inner critical voice says 'NOT GOOD ENOUGH and therefore you DON'T DESERVE whatever it is you want'. If this happens go back and repeat the process as many times as it takes.

Until you get to STEP 5 which is - RELAX - stop trying to find reasons why whatever you want is not happening and instead ACCEPT that it IS!

The Not Good Enough Story

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding."
Khalil Gibran

William grew up in the 70's in America and although he never wanted for much his parents weren't what you'd call well off. In fact William's father worked hard as a factory foreman taking every opportunity to work any extra hours so that he could tuck away some cash for his children's education.

He saw that the managers above him had all been to college and as he got older they just seemed to get younger and younger. It grated with him and as the anger grew within him he set his mind to make sure that his children would rise above his status in life.

He pushed William and his younger sister Kate as hard as he could never wanting them to be satisfied with the life that he led. With the best of good intentions he wished them to be better than him. When they did well at sport he urged them to go that extra step. When they came in the top few students at school he berated them for not being the best student. He did his best to make sure that William was tough. He reasoned that to succeed in life a man had to be able to ride the knocks and bumps and be able to bounce back up never taking time to wallow in self pity or deep emotions.

As time passed William did go off to College and although his Dad was so very proud of him he resisted the urge to tell him, fearing that William would be satisfied with where he had got to rather than continue along the path to success.

Graduating top in his year William's life seemed to be on the fast track but then he met Susan and fell deeply in love. Suddenly William was happy just to be where he was. The desire to please his Father that had driven him onwards faded into the background and although William and Susan were happy and had three children of their own, financial success eluded them.

Soon, the new generation reached high school and within the first few weeks of term William's oldest son Joshua was suspended from school for bad behaviour.

William was furious and that night he let Joshua know it. Joshua's failure pressed a button within him that unleashed his repressed anger and as if in a dream he heard himself telling Joshua that he had let him down and that what he had done was not good enough.

As he spoke the words memories flooded back to him of his Father saying exactly the same thing to him. Realisation floated into his consciousness that he had spent most of his life trying to please his Father and gain recognition and acceptance. Suddenly all was put into perspective - the message that had been tattooed into his brain was 'Nothing you do is good enough'.

He searched back through the past and saw how that message had acted as a virus in his life. How it had blocked the flow of abundance to him. No matter what he did he felt that his efforts had been not good enough and so he felt he did not deserve to receive the rewards of abundance.

The very thing that his Father had sought to achieve had been pushed away by the deeply ingrained message of 'You're not good enough'.

As if struck by lightning William was silenced.

He looked upon his young son anew. He saw how his son was devastated by what he had done. How disappointed he was with himself.

He reached forwards and drew his son to him.

"Joshua, my beautiful son, I love you and believe in you with all of my heart. No matter what you do I will always love you unconditionally. Please forgive me for my anger and lets you and I work out what it is that you want and how we can work on creating that future together."

Be careful what message you pass on to your kids and know that everything is perfect right now.

You're Allowed to Speak Your Truth

"Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are"
Cat Stevens

In the last post 'Just Do More of What You Love' I wrote about the benefits of accepting yourself for exactly who you are and embracing the path that opens up before you. Doing that can be quite a challenge in itself but there is another thing that happens that adds complications to the task.

You see most people have been indoctrinated into believing that they CAN'T do and be who they want. Most people have been brought up to believe that they HAVE to do certain things and that they HAVE to fit in. That the dominant paradigm is RIGHT and if they don't fit in then they are WRONG.

The best thing about this (sorry for the sarcasm) is that they way people are indoctrinated, as children naturally, is through GUILT!

Don't you love it? Fit in or people will make you feel BAD - like there is something WRONG with you!

Doesn't even have to be words spoken - can be a roll of the eyes, a sigh or a shake of the head. But the message is unmistakable "Oh my God what is WRONG with you?"

So, here's my message to you - YOU'RE ALLOWED TO SPEAK YOUR TRUTH!

Making people WRONG gets us nowhere and simply traps us all in an endless tautological merry-go-round from which there is no escape. Making people WRONG presses people's buttons, traps them and us inside the box and limits us all to a narrow view of the World that blinds us to enlightened possibilities.

TRUTH spoken from the heart is the gateway to a higher reality and the fastest path to a more enlightened future.

Thinking that you KNOW everything simply makes you a self righteous fool!

The World really is a mystery.

"The more you know the more you realise how much you don't know - the less you know the more you think you know."
David T. Freeman

In this time of change be brave enough to speak your truth about how you feel. Don't let others make you feel bad, wrong or guilty because you go against the majority. Understand that most people are simply trying to get you to agree with their version of what is right so they can feel more confident that it is so.

You're allowed to speak your truth and so are they.

"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
Albert Einstein

Just Do More of What You Love

"Stop thinking and talking about it
and there is nothing you will not be able to know"
Zen paradigm

Sitting with a Self Mastery participant the other day I asked him if he had any issues or blocks that were troubling him. He replied that yes there was one thing that was really on his mind and was even keeping him up at night - paperwork!

I confess that I laughed as it is something that I hate to do too.

The problem was that not only was he not doing his paperwork - his follow up story was that there was something wrong with him because he wasn't doing it and he really needed to fix that.

Now I've known this guy for quite a while so I pointed out to him that his history is of being crap at doing paperwork. No matter what strategies he's had for trying to 'fix' things he has always managed to sabotage his own efforts and as a result he has consistently failed in the paperwork task.

Now my take on this is that - REALITY DOES NOT LIE

BUT - it only tells the truth about the past - AND - there's a disconnect between our conscious mind and our subconscious mind - such that the conscious mind is unaware of what the subconscious mind is doing or creating.

For instance we may THINK that we can solve the paperwork puzzle BUT reality may show that our subconscious mind consistently sabotages that effort.

This is a fight that the conscious mind will never win.

So - what to do?

Accept who you REALLY are and do more of what you love!
Drop the secondary story that goes something like 'Oh poor me I am so crap at doing paperwork - therefore I am a failure'

And instead try 'I am crap at doing paperwork - AND THAT'S OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! '

Get it?

None of us are perfect - all of us are crap at something AND THAT'S OK!

But during our lives we've often been taught (by example) to beat ourselves up about something that we are not so good at.

Let it go!

Just do more of what you love!

If you are crap at paperwork ACCEPT IT and find someone who is good at it to do your paperwork for you.

You can't escape who you really are so embrace your true self instead. Find the path of least resistance through life, allow yourself to flow with the energy and give yourself permission to do more of what you love!

Capitalism for Revolutionaries #101

"Real democracy now!"
French protest sign May 2011

Don't kid yourself democracy is NOT representative. The bottom line is money talks so if you want to be heard either a) spend lots of cash lobbying politicians and making discrete (ha ha) political donations, or b) be part of an industry that provides lots of tax cash to the government eg mining in Australia, or c) learn how to gather together all your best mates and associates via social media and put pressure on governments via monetary means.

Hence – Capitalism for Revolutionaries #101

So Step 1

"If you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem"
Charles Rosner

We've moved onto the 'free' stage of free market capitalism – hence free information (see the wonderful thing called the Internet) + we can buy things from other countries and lots of innovative people have even managed to subvert restrictive practices by some companies (those ones who charge different prices in different regions and refuse to ship) by providing us with foreign shipping addresses and then forwarding things onwards (thanks!).

Free also means 'free information' about the corporations we've been working for and the ones we've been buying things from (thanks Corpwatch and others).

Free information also extends to Governments (thanks Wikileaks )

So responsibility now shifts to you and me – yes the revolutionaries – to take responsibility and use this information wisely.

Use it how?

Well remember that in a Neo-capitalist environment (see 'How to Change the World by Being a Neo-capitalist' ) the key way that you express your values is through the economic system. So:-

Where you shop
What you buy
Where you work
How you invest your money

Remembering that – "If you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem"

You vote through your interactions with the financial system.

So, Step 2 – Identify your values.

What do you stand for? Looking after the earth, equality, justice, freedom etc etc

Step 3 – Live It!

"A value is not a value unless you are willing to pay a price to uphold it"

In the last post "Are You Ready for Revolution?" I wrote that the challenge of our times is Fear and Greed versus Love and Compassion. How does this work in practice?

#1 Imagine you work for a corporation that pays you very well but you have seen firsthand that some senior managers treat the young female staff very badly. At a function the MD comes onto you. You subsequently report it to HR but they tell you to keep quiet or you will lose your job (FEAR) but you persist so they then tell you that if you proceed you won't be getting a job anywhere in the industry (more FEAR). You still persist so they flip to GREED and wave a big financial settlement in front of your face to keep you quiet. What will you do?

#2 Imagine you have a big fat mortgage and a new foreign bank has come into town offering a lower mortgage rate that will save you lots (GREED). You can close your eyes, switch banks and take the money or pay more to support your local credit union that puts money back into your community. What do you do?

#3 You work for a corporation which is suffering from the economic downturn. Sales are down so you are instructed to sack 20% of the staff and cut the wages of the other sales people – knowing that the base amount they will then be paid won't be enough for those with families to survive. You know if you speak up your head will be on the chopping block (FEAR). What do you do?

The list goes on.

The tools are in our hands. Capitalism for Revolutionaries is Neo-capitalism. So, be clear about what you stand for and make sure you live it because:-

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
Martin Luther King Jnr.