A.C. Ping's Blog, page 2

Flow or flow not, there is no struggle...

 

 

"The less effort, the faster and more powerful you will be.
Bruce Lee

A friend emailed me recently explaining that she had been having a difficult time but that she was working hard to get through her current struggle to get to where she wants to be. She extolled the virtues of struggle and suggested that there was good in it.

Something about that irked me. Is that true? Is there benefit in struggle?

Imagine you are paddling down the rapids in your kayak when you hit a boulder at the wrong angle and get tipped out into the white water. Do you struggle? Hell yes! Does it help? Maybe only to a point – you see once you’ve pulled your head above the water and taken a breath then your next challenge is actually to stop struggling, stop panicking and freaking out and start thinking and calming down. You need to get your bearings and feel the flow. Struggling against the flow will simply wear you out and as you get worn out you will start to drop below the surface every now and again. You will start to take in mouthfuls of water and that will freak you out and make you panic and struggle even more. Then the more you struggle and panic the less will be your ability to actually save yourself. Instead of thinking about what you want you will be thinking about what you don’t want – fear will reach out and grab you…

Your ability to self-regulate your emotions and still act will be critical to your survival.

So back to struggle.

You won’t get to peace through struggle just like you won’t get to peace through war – think about it - “We are seeking peace but to get there we are going to bomb you, kill your friends and family so as to encourage you to be peaceful” – hmmm….

“The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you murder the hater; but you do not murder hate. In fact violence merely increases hate… Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate;  only love can do that.”
Martin Luther King Jnr.

Struggle means you are struggling against something – fighting something. But in fighting something you are paying it attention, giving it energy, lending it your energy. Instead of focusing on what you want, you are fighting against what you don’t want. Instead of being peaceful and proactive, you are being stressed and reactive. As your experience flows from the present to the past you tell a story about it to reinforce your current view of reality. If you tell a story about your struggle, guess what, you are reinforcing your experience of struggle – so I repeat – focusing on struggle will not lead you to not struggle.

“But wait”, I hear you cry, “If I don’t struggle, if I don’t fight, I will lose”

And so you are back to fear is my reply…

“Fear, even the smallest fear, is a hacking at the cords of faith…”
Anon.

In amongst your experience is what you desire. This is what you need to first look for – what is it that you truly and deeply want?

When you find it you need to translate it into essence – feeling – a state of being.

Deep, heartfelt clarity on what that looks like, feels like and sounds like in hard core reality.

Connect to that feeling and ground it in reality in the best way that you can – remember times when you were peaceful, free, loving and in flow – reconnect to that time. Retrace your footsteps back to where you once were. Recognise the fork in the road that took you down the struggle street. Recognise the good in the experience and say thanks. Release the fear and embrace gratitude instead – regain your faith.

Breathe….

In your state of calm and grace you can now feel the flow. Getting out of the rapids is now easy and maybe even fun. Allow the current to take you. Make slight little adjustments to your trajectory and look out for opportunity – all the time staying as calm and relaxed as you can – and there, grab that overhanging branch – and you’re out!

In life, find your space of calm and serenity – release your fear, grow your faith – “I don’t know why this is happening to me now but I trust and have faith that it is perfect and that with the passing of time I will come to understand the meaning of these events”.

Faith means believing in something where there is no evidence.
Don’t fritter away your will by pitting it against someone or something else.

Direct your will to your faith – use your will to hold your nerve – hold your peace, hold your faith.

Feel the flow, don’t fight against it, allow yourself to go with it, focus on what you want and patiently wait for it to appear – then act, and act decisively, calmly, confidently and with love.

“When you find the way, others will find you. Passing by on the road they will be drawn to your door. The way that cannot be heard will be echoed in your voice. The way that cannot be seen will be reflected in your eyes.”
Lao-tsu in Toao-te Ching

In peace and love always.

What do you hold on to?

"’Hope’ is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops – at all.”
Emily Dickinson No. 254 (c. 1861)

 

When all is lost what do you hold on to?

When unexpected tragedy strikes your world what keeps you going?

All of us will experience the loss of a loved one at some point in our lives. Most of us will experience the painful heartbreak of the end of an intimate relationship. Many of us will experience betrayal by a friend. Some of us will experience debilitating injuries and illness. All of us will experience the emotional pain caused by the seemingly uncaring actions of others.

Loss and tragedy can lead us down a dark path. Cut loose from the ties that bind us to our ‘safe’ and comfortable existence we can fall into the emotional pool and be tossed around by the current like a swimmer caught in a rip. Desperately treading water just to keep our heads above the surface, gasping for breath at every opportunity.

The current can be strong. The fleeting touch of the ground beneath all so brief before the current picks us up and sucks us out to sea.

Panic rears its ugly head. Fear sets in. Breathing becomes more of a struggle. Drowning seems inevitable.

What do you hold on to?

Logic makes no sense.

“It’s so unfair!” part of you screams “Why me?”

The mind replays the past, “If only I’d…” “If only they’d…”

The past churns violently through the mind – every detail examined, every incident reassessed, every decision remade. Regret bites hard. Sleep becomes a fleeting and ever so brief release from the reality that now confronts.

Emotions threaten to overwhelm.

“Oh poor me”

Many will listen and give pity. Escapism will beckon – alcohol, drugs, sex, irrational, self-harming behaviour will tempt – give up don’t fight it, it’s so unfair anyway will be the cry.

Swirling around in the current what will you hold on to?

That there is karmic justice in the World?
That good wins in the end?
That there is some meaning to life?

Deep in the shit logic will not help you.

Idiotically enough it will be faith that provides the answer.

We like to think that we are smart – that the mind and the higher order reasoning it is capable of will let us work it all out. That if we can just get all the facts – the evidence – and think about it some more then we will be able to find a way out – find a solution. But there is no solution to some things. There is finality in loss, tragedy and death that makes no sense and simply can’t be fixed.

On being confronted by the sudden loss of her Mother, a beautiful friend wrote,

“We can survive the most horrendous of experiences, more than that we are given the opportunity to grow strong from these experiences. It’s almost as though our capacity to open that which is unimaginably painful and difficult is the key to unlocking the doors to a world that is beautiful…”

Ripped apart by grief she chose to open her heart and there found an unexpected gift.

Logic will not lead you there only the profound belief that there is some meaning in life and the willingness to open your heart and feel.

“Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark.”
Rabindranath Tagore

Faith is the belief in something where there is no evidence but faith is nothing if it is not tested. It’s easy to say you believe when things are easy – it’s much harder to act when the going gets tough.

“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”
Alexander Graham Bell

So – what do you believe?

What do you hold on to when things get tough?

What does this mean in practice?

And how will you exercise your will to translate your faith into reality and act?

Strengthen the will – know that panic will lead you to catastrophisation – a rolling explosion of fear that blows away all sense of stability and leads you to believe that all is lost. Remember instead that everything is temporary – nothing exists that does not change – nothing.

Bring the horizon closer. Instead of worrying about the rest of your life, next year, next month, next week, tomorrow, tonight – just come back to NOW.

NOW there are blessings – the sun shines, the birds sing – here is the gift.

NOW strengthen the will – consciously choose to DO something, anything that is aligned to what you want and what you believe in. Choose to move the stagnant energy that is despair. Choose to walk, sit in the sun, smile at people, draw your attention to what is good and say thanks.

If there is meaning in life then act like there is.

Bit by bit by bit, little things accumulate.

Let go of trying to touch the bottom. Stop panicking. Start breathing. Feel the current. Remember what you want. Stop fighting against the flow. Start kicking. Save yourself.

Back to my friend,
“Out of the pain and suffering that is an integral part of living, we can discover the extraordinary love, light and compassion that resides in all our hearts…”

In peace and love always.

Life as a Project #3 - Managing Your 3 Selves

"Nothing exists that does not change”

If you have been following the first two ‘Life as a Project’ (Part #1, Part #2) posts you should now have:-

-    an overall statement of Intent for the year
-    a Being statement and a Doing list for the 5 areas of Vision
-    identified some key leverage points and are working on healthy habits
-    a daily practice dedicated to YOU and ideally incorporating setting Intention in the morning
     and directing your Focus in the evening.

Your key task now is to manage your 3 selves.

I know this sounds kind of weird as we all like to think that we are in fact an integrated being, however as the quote above points out – Nothing exists that does not change – we are not static beings we are ever changing and evolving.

The temporal nature of existence means that we are actually existing in three states – the Past, Present and Future.

In the Future is our Aspirational Being – this is who we aspire to be, it is where our Vision, Values and dreams live. In the Past is our Constructed Being – who we have decided we are based on the stories we, and others, tell about ourselves, our experiences and our understanding of how the world works and our place in it. In the Present is our Free Being – the part of us that, ideally, is free to choose what we want to DO in response to the life events that confront us in every moment.

 
In these three states there is work to do – see other posts on this including ‘Walking Between the Worlds’.

If things are going ‘bad’ the three circles will interact like this diagram below.

 

So, you will feel negative about things and maybe ask the questions, ‘Why bother?’ ‘What’s the use?’ etc

Note that in the first two parts of ‘Life as a Project’ you should have already done some work in the Future circle and should now be clearer about your Vision and Values. You should have also started to do some work in the Present with your Daily Practice and healthy habits.

If things are going ‘Good’ the circles will look more like this diagram below.

 

 

Note that the critical thing in all of this in my experience is ‘Relaxed, self-assured and confident’ – in other words BELIEF.

You have clarity about what you aspire to create, you’re doing the work to let go of past blocks and you are nurturing yourself in the present with good healthy habits and a solid daily practice.

So, back to managing your 3 selves…

Once you know what you want to create and have clarity about who you aspire to BE then your task is to be PRESENT to every moment and manage the ALIGNMENT of your 3 selves. Put simply the success of your Project is dependent on how good you are at getting your 3 selves to work together in HARMONY :)

 The first step in this is doing the ‘work’ in the Past and the Future so you have clarity. Once you have done this you can graduate to the Present and the challenge of embracing windows of opportunity.

“All of us, whether or not we are warriors, have a cubic centimetre of chance that pops out in front of our eyes from time to time. The difference between an average man and a warrior is that the warrior is aware of this, and one of his tasks is to be alert, deliberately waiting, so that when his cubic centimetre pops out he has the necessary speed, the prowess, to pick it up.”
Carlos Castaneda in ‘Journey to Ixtlan’

Note the significance of this quote is that if you don’t know what you are looking for or don’t even know that you should be looking then even if something jumps out and smacks you in the face you are not going to know what to do about it…

So, the task for this month is to lay these templates over your ‘Life Project’ and see where you have gaps that need some attention. Consider the whole notion of alignment and ask yourself where in your life you are unconsciously creating and perpetuating an old past non-supportive pattern. Ask yourself instead what it is that you really want and what you need to DO right now to be aligned to that.

And don’t forget to PLAY !

In peace and love always.

What's Your Intention?

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
Anon.

What’s your intention is a question that seems to be asked more and more these days with regard to personal manifestation. In fact there has even been a global ‘experiment’ called ‘The Intention Experiment’ running for some years now (see the website www.theintentionexperiment.com) which seeks to align the intentions of participants to create various good results in the world.

The theory behind it is that we are all linked together through the quantum field and hence if a sufficient mass of ‘us’ aligns our intentions then we can create or manifest certain outcomes in the world. This research is not new – the ‘Maharishi Effect’ is a term coined in 1974 in honour of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi who predicted that when a critical mass of the population - 1% - experienced and stimulated the field of pure consciousness through transcendental meditation then the flow on effect would influence the greater population. The researchers, Borland and Landrith (1976), observed 11 US cities where at least 1% of the population was practicing TM. They used the crime rate figures to compare those 11 cities with others and concluded that the crime rate was indeed decreasing. Over the last 30 years this experiment has been repeated in a variety of ways. A similar effect has also been found with regard to plants (see ‘The secret life of plants’ by Christopher Bird and Peter Tompkins) and also water – see the work of Masaru Emoto ‘Messages from Water’.

So, if changes in intention can have such an impact not only on other people but also plants and even water, why aren’t we all changing the world for the better??

The problem seems to arise from the subjective nature of reality and the fact that all of us humans are flawed delusional beings who suffer from perceptual biases and blind spots so big you could drive a truck through them.

“Not me!” I hear you cry

Yeah well… 

Research shows that we all suffer from self-serving biases that mean we think we are better than we actually are, know more than we actually do, revise the story of our past actions for the better and predict that we will act better in the future than we actually do.

Research also shows that once we have made up our minds about something – and generally I should point out that by ‘made up our minds’ I don’t mean that we have engaged some higher order reasoning function and actually objectively considered the problem at hand – no what I mean is that we have (in our lazy human way) simply ‘pattern matched’ the current experience to past experiences and then decided that it fits and moved on assuming that we (of course) are right – then we consciously seek only information that confirms that we were right and reject all information that doesn’t fit.

Hence, intention is one thing but do you have integrity between what you have intended and what you are actually doing about it??

Start with intention – the simple definition is that intention means that you have a desire for certain consequences to occur. A good rule of thumb if you are working with personal intention is that it should be something that is completely within your control. Hence you can intend a specific state of being. Such that you may get up in the morning and during your meditation set your intention that today no matter what happens you will be calm and relaxed. Your state of being is within your control and your challenge then is to align your actions to your intention – so that even if something major happens at work and others are freaking out you can re-presence your intention, take a deep breath and remain calm and relaxed.

Note here the difference between essence and form.

You can intend a state of being – an essence – but you can’t control the form.

We live in an uncertain environment remember.

Try it round the other way – you intend to have a calm and relaxed day and you are certain that the form of that will be that you will have a Zen environment at work and no one will disturb that. Then mid-morning drama erupts and not only is your calm broken you are reactive and enraged by what this other person has done – ‘How dare they break my peace’ you may say. Your response may be to yell at them and throw them out of your office and then because you have reacted to the situation and your Zen calm is broken you may feel breathless, adrenalized and in need of a coffee, smoke, drink, treat, shoulder to cry on, or confederate to whinge to.

Your actions are entirely justified – or so you believe – in your self-serving, delusional, confirmation bias way…

But is there integrity between your intentions and your actions?

You see you can’t run from yourself – no matter where you go there you will be. This means that you need to find a way of (yes a self-serving way) making some inner peace with yourself – or really your three selves – your aspirational being (who lives in the future), your constructed being (who lives in the past) and your free being (who lives in the present).

How do you do this?

You tell yourself stories that justify why it was ok for you to violate your intention – or specifically your moral intention. The moral boundaries that define for you what it means to be a ‘good’ person and who you aspire to be.

There are seven key justifications that we use to make peace with ourselves when we have done something we know (deep down) that we shouldn’t have done.

We say; “They deserved it”, “It’s not hurting anyone”, “It’s not my fault because of my bad childhood etc” or “I’m just following orders”, “You think I’m bad but you should see them”, “I did it for you (or God or country or family)”, “Everyone else is doing it so I had no choice but to follow suit”, or, “I deserve it”.

These justifications allow you to neutralise your moral intention so you can get what you desire. These justifications are used to justify, murder, abuse, slander, lying, stealing and all manner of immoral practices. This is the doorway that when walked through allows good people to justify and create bad things.

“The line between good and evil is in the centre of every human heart.”
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Ultimately this is a battle between Will and Desire, and Faith and Fear.

On the one hand you desire some outcome and you are afraid that if you don’t do something about it then you will not get what you want. So you violate your moral boundaries and take actions which you justify using one of the neutralisations above. Your self-serving bias and confirmation bias will then allow you to maintain your belief that you are a good person.

The alternative is Will and Faith. A clarity of intention that is clearly defined using moral boundaries that you aspire to live by. The Will to be able to resist the temptation to do bad things and then justify them. Faith that given time the truth will bubble its way to the surface and justice will manifest.

Why bother? Is the last question.

Put simply – what you DO you become. If you lie repeatedly no matter what the justification, then you become a liar – you cannot escape yourself remember.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
Martin Luther King Jr.

So, the answer – the simple enduring truth – Love is divine power.

In peace and love always.

Ode to the Petty Tyrant - Part Two

"Nobody grows old by living a number of years
we grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may
wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm
wrinkles the soul.”
Samuel Ullman, poet.

A little while ago I wrote an article called ‘Ode to the Petty Tyrant’ which discussed the process of dealing with a Petty Tyrant – someone who usually has some unbreakable connection to you which they use against you – e.g. the other parent of your child, your boss, or even a relative.

Well it seems that Petty Tyrants are alive and active in the world because since that article was written many people have contacted me and shared their petty tyrant stories and many of them have asked what to do about it.

It’s easy to write, as I did, “Do you have enough trust and faith to let go of the fear that the truth will not prevail? If you can rise to that challenge then you can give thanks for the gift that the petty tyrant has brought to you.”

But words are cheap – many have relayed stories about being on the edge and not knowing what to do – so in practical terms here are some ideas.

Step 1 – and this is often the hardest one – Take Responsibility…

“I have an existential map, it has ‘You are here’ written all over it.”
Steven Wright

Oh yes I know it’s much more tempting to fall into victim mode and say “Oh poor me” but where does that leave you? Completely disempowered and unable to move forwards that’s where.

Taking responsibility simply means accepting that you played a role in creating this situation. As abhorrent as that may be – given the distress you may be feeling now – failure to accept your part will only trap you in an endless loop of “Why me?”.

Step 2 – Stop Beating Yourself Up

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”
Carl Bard

Now, taking responsibility also doesn’t mean beating yourself up for what you have done. Questions like “Why did I do this?” and self-deprecating statements like “I’m such an idiot” aren’t going to be useful.

Likewise, self-harming type behaviours like trying to drink yourself to oblivion, picking fights with others much bigger than you, and other peculiarities of the human condition, won’t help either. But note that if you do have a bender please resist the temptation to get up in the morning and beat yourself up about it.

Stopping beating yourself up goes hand in hand with unconditional love of self. Whatever has happened in the past can’t be changed – saying to yourself “Even though xxx has happened and I’m really disappointed in myself I choose to love and forgive myself anyway” may help.

Step 3 – Move

Martin Luther King made a great statement about the “paralysis of analysis” and it’s relevant here. Saying ‘take responsibility’ and ‘stop beating yourself up’ is easy but doing it can be much more difficult so MOVE.

If you’re in a Petty Tyrant type situation there’s probably a lot of emotional energy flowing around – you need to shift it and no amount of thinking about this will help – so MOVE.

Whenever you feel overwhelmed by what’s happening – MOVE.

Bilateral therapy is what happens when you talk about stuff as you are walking. Because you are going left foot, right foot, left foot etc. – your brain is switching back and forth between the left and right hemispheres so if you are talking about something at the same time it is shifting back and forth and giving you some different perspectives – so MOVE.

Step 4 – Strengthen Your Daily Practice

“Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together.”
Vincent Van Gogh

Petty Tyrants play power games and power games revolve around getting someone to RE-ACT.

Your task – if you choose to accept it – is to strengthen your will so that you do not react. Your task is to find ways to access your power though the freedom to choose.

“All of us, whether or not we are warriors, have a cubic centimetre of chance that pops out in front of our eyes from time to time. The difference between an average man and a warrior is that the warrior is aware of this, and one of his tasks is to be alert, deliberately waiting, so that when his cubic centimetre pops out he has the necessary speed, the prowess, to pick it up.”
Carlos Castaneda

Your daily practice is your opportunity to look after yourself and strengthen your will. At a minimum your daily practice should include three things:-
1. Setting Intention in the morning
- How do I want to be today? – this gives you the chance to be proactive
2. Monitoring Internal Dialogue
- observing the story that you are telling yourself during the course of the day – checking whether this is aligned to your intention and making sure you aren’t beating yourself up
3. Managing Focus and Being Grateful
- at the end of the day ask ‘What did I do right today?’, ‘What went well today?’, and ‘What am I grateful for?’

Petty Tyrants give us the opportunity to test our will and strengthen ourselves – saying thanks to them or for them is an amazingly empowering thing to do.

Step 5 – Be Impeccable

“It’s easy for the impotent man to take a vow of chastity and for the poor to renounce wealth.”
Buddha

If you’ve ever read any of the Toltec teachings or Castaneda’s work you will recognise the need to be impeccable.

Impeccability means walking your talk – and specifically it means living and acting on your values. This raises the question of what your values are in the first place and again here you have an opportunity to say thanks to the petty tyrant for forcing you to clarify your values and ask what it is you cherish most dearly in life. Key universal values include freedom, truth, empathy, equality, impartiality and love. Upon identifying what’s most important in your life the critical question is ‘What does this look like in practice?’.

Petty Tyrants want you to RE-ACT remember, so they will taunt and provoke you to try and get you to do things that will violate your values and make you the villain. They of course will claim that any questionable actions they take are entirely justifiable. The key justification they will use is called ‘Condemning the condemner’ – which put simply says “You think I’m bad but you should see them”.

Their key strategy then is to make you reactive and angry so you do something which violates your values so they can say “See, I told you you’re bad – look what you’ve done now” – and of course be able to repeat this accusation to others to reinforce their position as the victim.

Step 6 – Manage Your Breakdowns

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling down but in rising every time we fall.”
Nelson Mandela (in reference to Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky)

If you think you’re going to deal with a really good petty tyrant and not lose it occasionally then frankly you’re delusional…

Have a breakdown process ready to go for such an occasion. The two key words to remember are Acknowledge and Redirect.

Acknowledge that you are having a breakdown – in the form of being reactive and acting out of alignment with your stated intention – make sure it is just an acknowledgement – not a self-berating monologue such as “You bloody idiot…”

Then when you’ve acknowledged you’re out of alignment the next step is Redirect – redirect here means redirecting your attention by asking “What do I want?” or more specifically “What do I want to create?” in terms of the values you’ve identified and what these values look like in reality?

We are endlessly creating our world in every moment of every single day. The eternal truth that is taught over and over again in spiritual teachings is that everything changes all the time. Petty tyrants can needle and prod and provoke us in extremely uncomfortable ways. They can also make us do things that with the benefit of hindsight we regret. But they can also teach us lessons about ourselves and provide us with opportunities for growth that we could never have created without them. These six steps are some suggestions for helping you as you move forwards. They are by no means a cure all or an exhaustive list but they will help you as you go through the process.

 

“…for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
William Shakespeare, Hamlet Act 2, Scene 2

 

In peace and love always.

The Fools Guide to Ethics

“A man learns to skate by staggering about and making a fool of himself. Indeed he progresses in all things by resolutely making a fool of himself.”
George Bernard Shaw

I will try to keep this brief as I know we are all especially busy these days and wish for a quick fix to all things that trouble us.

Ethics – the study of the question of what ought we to do or how one can live a good life.

Traditional teaching and thinking around ethics is flawed due to the assumption that man is a rational being – he is not, you are not, we are not – we are emotional irrational flickering flames of light that all the time make errors of judgement due to perceptual bias, confirmation biases and our inherent need to be right.

So

#1 SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS IS POISON – BE A FOOL INSTEAD
We all have what’s called a Moral Identity – a way that we see ourselves. The more attached you are to your moral identify the less willing you will be to reassess your self-assessment and admit you were wrong. In plain English the more self-righteous you are the more willing you will be to commit terribly unethical acts and then try to justify them in some warped and convoluted way. See religious fundamentalists of all persuasions for examples.

Be a fool instead – let go of the need to be RIGHT and accept instead that you may be WRONG. Aspire to live universal values such as freedom, equality, unity, honour, patience, truth, empathy, impartiality.

#2 WHEN IN DOUBT DO NOTHING
Because of our inherently flawed nature we humans can jump to wild conclusions, get emotionally charged and then rush off to take action that we may later regret. Research shows that one of the key issues in resolving ethical dilemmas is that we don’t recognise the issues in the first place due to moral blind spots.

Your best indicator that you’re being confronted with an ethical dilemma is not your head but your heart and gut. You will get a FEELING that something is wrong. Processing this through the head and the rational faculties of the human mind may not help to resolve the issue and acting with no clear resolution may make things worse.

So – when in doubt DO NOTHING.

#3 WHAT’S YOUR MORAL INTENT
So, now maybe you’ve calmed down a bit. Taken some time out, resisted the temptation to go out and strangle someone and carefully avoided going into self-righteous judgement and critical damnation of someone.

Now you need to ask – What do I want to create?

And specifically – What are the Moral Boundaries of this creation? These boundaries should ideally be defined using intrinsic or universal values such as freedom, honour, equality etc. These are distinct from instrumental values that have no value in themselves but only through what they create – for instance profitability, efficiency etc.

See the diagram below for a graphic illustration

#4 WHAT’S YOUR DECISION?
Yes – we live in a cause and effect world so bottom line is you need to make a decision to ACT – but just before you jump up and run off to implement let’s test it.

#5 HAVE YOU NEUTRALISED YOUR MORAL INTENT?
Here’s where it gets tricky because we humans can be very adept at using rationalisations to neutralise our moral intent and hence create bad outcomes that we justify to ourselves so we don’t have to reassess our moral self-identity.

You need to check that you haven’t used one of the following 7 moral neutralisations:-

1.    Denial of Responsibility – “It’s not my fault”
2.    Denial of Injury – “It’s not hurting anyone”
3.    Denial of the Victim – “They deserved it”
4.    Condemnation of the Condemners – “You think I’m bad but you should see them”
5.    Appeal to Higher Loyalties – “I did it for you”
6.    Everyone else is Doing It – “I had no choice but to follow suit”
7.    Claim to Entitlement – “I deserve it”

These neutralisations will neutralise the intrinsic values that create the moral boundaries for your intended outcome. If you have neutralised the moral boundaries then you may be creating something that is unethical but justifying to yourself why this is fair or just.

Hence – if you look at the diagram you will see that outside of the Moral Boundaries there is another ring which is your concept of Justice.

The ultimate test is whether or not you can live with your conscience – if you truly believe you have done a bad thing then you will be haunted by your own conscience. Justifications which neutralise moral boundaries allow a person to do bad things and then justify it to themselves so that they believe they are acting fairly and in a just way.

So – have you neutralised your moral intent or is it intact?

If it has been neutralised I suggest going back to step 1 and considering another action.

#6 BE GENTLE AND PATIENT

Some people may not like what you’ve decided to do. Some people may accuse you of being a fool. Some people may try to convince you that they know the future and if you do this then that will happen and then…

In the wee hours of the morning when you lie in bed in the darkness listening to the silence you will be accountable to your conscience – fear has no place here.

Be gentle with yourself and others and be patient.

The wheels of justice turn very slowly but grind very finely.

In peace and love always.

Life as a Project #2 - Little things accumulate

"Excellence then, is not an act it’s a habit”
Aristotle

A month can go very fast but hopefully you’ve had some time to water the seeds of intent that were planted in Part 1 of Life as a Project.

It’s easy to get caught up in the ‘old’ routines – before you know it a week has passed by then a month, then a year, then…

Little things accumulate and some things have a much bigger impact and flow on effect that you would imagine. One of the keys then to the success of your project is to find these little things – find the leverage points.

Your two tasks from last month were firstly to establish a daily routine that will help you work with intention, focus and perpetual priming. Your second key task was to get clear about what it is that you actually want.

Now you need to make it clear and simple then identify the leverage points.

TASK #1 – GET CLEAR

Ideally you should now have an overall statement of Intent for the year, a ‘BEing statement’ and a ‘DOing list’ for the 5 areas of Vision. My suggestion now is to get it on to 1 page – this can either be typed up like the sample below – or get out the kids coloured pencils and draw it up with as much colour and life as you can.

  
Now take this piece of paper and stick it up somewhere you will see it on a regular basis – for example your wardrobe door, bathroom mirror, fridge – whatever works for you.

This piece of paper is to remind you what your intent is for the year and to bring your focus back to what is most important.

TASK #2 – FIND THE LEVERAGE POINTS

Not all effort is rewarded in the same way.

If you’ve ever played the block building game Jenga you will know that when faced with the task of pulling a block from the bottom of the tower and placing it gently on the top, some blocks hold no weight whilst others will cause the tower to tumble – the trick is to work out which is which.

Same with your Vision and the impact on your Project.

The five areas of Vision and interconnected and interdependent but they are not equal. You need to look carefully through your BEing statements and DOing lists and try to find the bits that cross over and impact on other parts.
 

For instance, I was working with someone the other day and their overall intent was to be calm and clear. They recognised that they were most powerful at work when they could coach and support their team in a calm considerate manner. They knew that they were most productive with clients when they were not time pressured or stressed. They knew that their intimate relationships were much better when they were able to be fully present and not caught up in work issues.

But they were financially pressured so logically they reasoned that the best way to move forward was to work a little harder so as to get to a place where they would not be so stressed and THEN they would be able to be more present, calm and clear.

The only problem with this rational solution was that the more the person worked, the more stressed and time pressured they were so the less calm and clear they were and hence the less able they were to support their team and the less present they were to their family.

I’m sure you can see the cycle here.

The key then is to find the leverage points.

In this example – the ideal state of BEing is to be calm and clear. Calm and clear leads to more productive work, better leadership and better relationships.

Priorities then need to shift in order – Calm and Clear needs to be near the top.

The key question then is – What do you need to DO to be calm and clear?

The simple answer in this case was – sleep better, get up early, go for a walk and meditate then have breakfast with the family.

The leverage point for the success of the Project occurs at 5.30 am every morning when the alarm goes off and there is a choice to be made between getting up and going for a walk or pressing the snooze button and going back to sleep.

So – identify your leverage points.

TASK #3 – CREATE HABITS THAT SUPPORT YOU

 
Now you know what you want and have identified some key leverage points the final task for the month is to begin creating habits that support you.

Lots of research work has been done on habits in recent times because of the recognition of how little things accumulate over time to have massive and long lasting impacts on our way of being.

A great book to read is ‘The Power of Habit – Why we do what we do and how to change’ by Charles Duhigg – see the website http://charlesduhigg.com/

There are also many many examples of extremely successful people who have lifelong habits including Nelson Mandela whose morning exercise routine was a key element in enabling him to endure what he went through.

My suggestion to you is:-
1.    Identify the 1 key habit that would have the greatest leverage in your life
2.    Set a goal for the month – e.g. morning walk 12 times out of 20 week days for the month
3.    Establish a trigger (e.g. alarm goes off), a routine (e.g. roll out of bed, put on clothes that are already laid out, drink a glass of water, walk out the door) and a reward (e.g. cooked breakfast, fresh juice, even take the kids out for brekkie)

THE LAST BIT

3 tasks for the month
1.    Get clear
2.    Find the leverage points
3.    Create habits that support you

Remember too that this builds on the previous month so you also need to be working with Intent and strengthening your daily practice.
1.    In the morning ask ‘What’s my intent?’
2.    In the evening ask ‘What did I do right today?’

And don’t forget to PLAY !

In peace and love always.

2014 Life as a Project #1

"In conditions of uncertainty
choice comes before logic."

There is immense power in imagination and this power is enhanced through the freedom of play. The moment we humans begin to take things too seriously and become fearful and worried about what might happen in the future we lose our way and relinquish our freedom.

In 2014 I invite you to join me in playing an existential game – Life as a Project.

Just for fun I invite you to release your thinking from the chains of the past and imagine instead what could be possible.

The Life as a Project game will begin in February and go through until the end of November. I will write a new post every month – each one numbered 1 to 10 – and put links to the post on my Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/a.c.pingpage and also on my LinkedIn page http://www.linkedin.com/in/acping

In these posts I will detail exactly what needs to be done for the month and I will also put quotes and links on Facebook as the need arises. If you get stuck and want some help I will also make myself available via Skype for one on one coaching – just email me info@acping.net

As this is the first post I want to provide some background information and also a framework for understanding that will allow other information to fit together in a sensible and logical way.

The concept of ‘Life as a Project’ comes from the work of Jean-Paul Sartre and it is rooted in the field of existentialism. Existentialism is the field of philosophy that considers the nature of existence.

Existentialism, and particularly the work of Jean-Paul Sartre and Martin Heidegger, explores the nature of existence from the perspective of Being and how we create our world through the choices that we make and the actions that we take.

From an existential perspective there is no essential nature there is only nothingness until we make choices. Hence there is no such thing as destiny or fate and our task in this life is to find ways to take responsibility and fully embrace our freedom. Freedom in this context relates to freedom of choice.

Over the course of this year I would like to explore these concepts and more including:-

The power of Intention
Being comfortable in uncertainty
Perceptual priming
Working with cycles
The power of indirect action
Momentum inertia
Powerful Habits
Alignment of Being and Doing

If you have followed my work then you will recognise some of these concepts. You might also have seen this diagram:-
 

 

From an existentialist perspective time flows from the right to the left. In other words the future becomes the present which in turn becomes the past. To be fully free is to be able to be free of what we believe are the bounds of the past and to be able to face every new moment completely unencumbered. When faced with choice the key questions are:-

What am I trying to create?
How am I aspiring to BE?
What action is most aligned to these two things?

From an essentialist perspective time flows from the left to the right and hence we are the product of our past. Our family history, upbringing, past experiences etc all combine to make us who we are and because of this our hands are tied (limited) to certain possibilities. Fate and destiny influence our lives.

In the Life as a Project game we are going to adopt an existentialist view of the world and play around with it and act accordingly – just for FUN :)

So – Step 1 – What’s the aim of the Project??

This is where people get lost – because of the way we’ve been educated (particularly in the West) – we tend to see the World as operating from an Essentialist perspective. That is, we tend to inherently think that time flows from the past to the present to the future and hence we build the future from the past and the present. But – and this is a big but – this limits what we see as possible.

So, now remember we’re playing a game here.

Try doing the visioning around the other way. Take yourself off somewhere quiet, do some deep breathing, meditate, relax, get yourself into an open minded what if type of space.

So – what if it’s December 2014 and things have gone really well – how do you FEEL?

 Yes – FEEL? – relaxed, contented, excited, exhilarated, happy, free etc etc

Play around with this until you can nail it in a short phrase – eg I’m Free

When you get it and it gels then you’ve taken the first step and answered the question about the aim of the Project. The aim is to align yourself – your Being and Doing – with that feeling.

Step 2 – What’s the scope of the Project?

Yeah sure now you’ve got a central feeling that you’re aligning with what’s needed next is some more specifics – bring it into the reality plane.

What I’ve found with working with people over the years is that there are 5 key areas of life and existence that you need to align.

Physical
Mental
Material
Emotional
Spiritual

For each of these areas you need to work out a Being statement – something that captures the essence (again FEELING) of what you’re after – what you’re trying to create.
For example – Physical – “I’m fit, flexible and energetic”
Mental – “I’m on the ball and up to date and have an open mind”

When you have a Being statement then you can work out a Doing list.

For example, if I’m fit flexible and energetic then I need to DO the following things:-

-    eat well and sleep well
-    walk or bike ride twice a week
-    stretching and yoga daily

 When you have done this process for all 5 areas you will have a pretty good idea of what you need to DO on a weekly basis to BE the way you want to BE.

Step 3 – What’s my Ideal Weekly Routine?

From the first two steps you should now have enough information to map out an ideal weekly routine.

KEY TASK

Your last task for this month is to start working with Intention, Focus and Perceptual Priming.

We are bombarded every day with a myriad of information. So much so that it’s impossible for our conscious minds to take it all in, so to help us out our subconscious mind filters stuff out for us – basically to make life easier. The problem with this is that our filters can filter out stuff that could have been really useful for us. Our intentions hence have an effect on our perceived reality which in turn creates perceptual biases. In other words we simply see what we are wanting to see and filter out the rest – try the London Transport Awareness Test http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_9INBPUX9U

What we focus on then affects our happiness. Studies have shown that we have two selves – the experiencing self and the remembering self. The experiencing self can experience happy things in the moment but if the remembering self doesn’t draw our attention to them we can be miserable. For instance, imagine you go to a show and spend the first 55 minutes of the show in raptures, but in the last 5 minutes someone starts kicking your seat. When someone asks how was the show, what will you say?

Freedom comes from taking responsibility so your key task for this month is to work at a simple daily routine.

1.    Start your day by asking ‘What’s my intention for today?’ noting that Intention should be something that is completely within your control – eg it is my intention to be calm, excited, focussed, present etc etc
2.    End your day by asking ‘What went well today? What did I do right today? What am I grateful for?’

Remember that once you have determined what it is that your are trying to create and how you would like to BE your sole task is to manage your alignment – that is between Being and Doing – so play – see if you can match up your Intention with your Actions – and remember to be gentle as it is a game :)

In peace and love always.

 

I Must Not Fear

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration."
‘Litany against fear’ from Frank Herbert’s Dune

It happened in a millisecond like some giant hand had slapped the bike from under him. But some part of his mind had already slowed the whole scene down. Stretching time like a rubber band, making a mockery of the ridiculous notion of linear metaphysics. And there, buried deep in his psyche, long forgotten, was a memory.

A memory riddled with fear that instantly leapt into his stomach and began stabbing him from the inside out.

Could it be true? He asked as his body plunged towards imminent contact with the wooden boardwalk. Could it really be true? Had he lived the last ten years in fear?

“I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.”

Before he had a chance to contemplate the answer he crashed hips first onto the boardwalk with a sickening thud.

His breath was smashed out of him and it was all he could do to protect his unhelmeted head. The memory vanished, replaced by pain and an accompanying breathlessness.

“Are you alright down there?”

The voice was strangely familiar, the young man shielded his eyes from the sunlight to see who had spoken to him.

Impossible! It was the old man from the café.

“Sometimes it takes a knock to the head before we start listening” he said.

“How the…” the young man began but before he could complete his sentence the old man was pulling him to his feet.

“The mystery” he said “Embrace the mystery, let go of your need to know”

The young man staggered to his feet, the pain shooting down his leg.

“Fear will send you running from the mystery to hide back in your box where it is safe. Where you know where the boundaries are, where you can sit in judgement of others. But then where does that leave you?”

The young man was still trying to grasp the fact that the mysterious old man had appeared out of nowhere and was now once again nailing him on his issues as if he had read his mind.

The old man laughed, “In a box of course!” and he laughed again, a deep belly laugh that rose up from within him. He slapped the young man on the back, “and who wants to live in a box?” he asked.

The young man felt the stabbing pain in his stomach again and the anger welled up within him. The silly old man was crazy and his words were nothing but clichés!

“You don’t understand” he said “my fears are real and I do need to protect myself”

The old man laughed again as if that was the funniest thing he had heard in a long time but it simply made the young man even angrier.

“It’s not funny!” he said “you wander the streets like a homeless person without a care in the world but I have responsibilities. I have to deal with possibilities. I have to deal with reality!”

“And has it actually happened yet?” The old man was suddenly calm and his stillness quietened the young man as his anger subsided.

“No” he admitted.

“In the future” began the old man “the fearful being – the demon, competes with the aspirational being – the dragon – for life. Which one will you feed?” he asked

“You are right that you have responsibilities. But what’s real is not what hasn’t happened yet. What’s real is that only you can save yourself. Only you can choose. Only you can claim your freedom by choosing to exercise your will.

Your intentions are within your control. The future is not. But the future is not written yet so will you feed your dragon or your demon?

Remember that fear cannot live in the same place as love. Choose to be in a space of love and there will be no fear. Choose to focus on your fears and they will grow. The choice is yours.”

“Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”

 

In peace and love always.

Mystery and the Light

 

"Myth weaves the Wold into being."
Daniel Pinchbeck

 

The old lady stood staring at the photograph lost in thought. So many years ago she had stood at this same spot wondering where her life would lead. Now six decades later she had outlived two husbands, her children and step children had grown to middle age and so many young ones called her 'Nana' that at times she had trouble remembering their names.

But what should have been a time of peace and serenity had been tainted by loneliness and worry. At night she went to bed early but slept fitfully awoken by memories of the past. The images that haunted her dreams were filled with regret and taunted her with the question of 'Why?'

"It takes great courage to walk that path"

The woman was startled by the man's voice and it took her a moment to regain her senses and bring her mind back to the present. She looked back at the photograph and then glanced cautiously at the man who now stood next to her.

He didn't meet her gaze but remained staring at the photograph.

"Who would have through at the beginning of the journey that we would pick up so much baggage along the way?" he asked rhetorically "and now here we are near the end of our lives with opportunities in front of us that we could never have dreamed of and yet we hesitate out of fear."

The old woman didn't know what to say. Who was this silver haired man and why was he speaking as if he had read her mind?

The man glanced now at the woman knowing he had piqued her interest. He smiled ever so slightly.

"The courage we had in our youth is not lost only forgotten. You see as we get older and learn more we think we know more but this is not true. As children we know the ultimate truth - that the World is a mystery. A mystery that we will never understand. And although we know we will never understand it we never stop trying to because we are driven by our innate curiosity for the very essence of life itself.

As we get older though a funny thing happens to us. We forget that the World is a mystery and instead we start to believe that we really can work it out. And there lies the paradox. Knowledge is not wisdom. The very thing that we seek traps us into a never ending spiral of thought. Our desire to release ourselves from the fear of the unknown compels us to think about the possibilities more and more. But we forget the most essential truth - the mystery of the World and the truth that we will never truly understand."

The man's words had touched the old woman's heart. A glimmer of light now shone into her soul.

"How do I remember?" she asked.

The old man chuckled quietly and turned back to look at the photograph.

"Just let go" he said "There is nothing to be done with the past except to make peace with it. You don't need to know 'why' things happened you just need to accept it and surrender. Only by letting go of the past and making yourself as light as possible will you find the courage that you fear you have lost. Underneath all of the baggage from the past lies your will. Peace lies in letting go of the need to know. Courage to move boldly forwards on your journey will come from letting go of the worry and having faith that no matter what happens it will be perfect."

As the man spoke the heavy weight that had plagued the woman began to lift and as it did so she realised that it had crept up on her over the years so slowly that she had not even realised that she was carrying it. Her rounded shoulders straightened ever so slightly, her chin lifted and her chest opened up to allow the breath to enter freely.

A smile crossed her lips as she thought of the journey ahead. Turning to thank the old man for his words of wisdom she saw that he was gone and slowly she laughed. A laugh so free that it made her feel light on her feet and suddenly she knew what it was to feel alive again.

In peace and love always.