Janine Ashbless's Blog, page 128

Eyecandy Monday: faster, higher, stronger, hotter

Federica Pellegrini and ... OMG ... boyfriend Filippo Magnini, both swimmersWhen I was watching the recording of the parade the Olympic opening ceremony, I found myself rather overwhelmed by the number of fit, beautiful young people the world has to offer! Luckily for the rest of us second-rate mortals, many of them just can't wait to get their kit off and let us admire the bodies of which they may be justly proud.

Victoria Pendleton, cycling Some do it to promote Fairtrade Coffee too ...

Louise Hazel, heptathlon
So here's a selection of my favourite Olympic Eyecandy, although you really want to be over at this website, where there are many more, displayed to better advantage.

Philips Idowu, triple jump Maya Nakanishi, paralympic sprinter Gregor Tait, swimmer Carmelita Jeter, sprinter
Louis Smith, pommel horse gymnast Ronda Rousey, judo Danell Leyva, gymnastics
Anna Tunnicliffe, sailing
But I can't help having a special warm spot for Jessica Ennis, gold-medal heptathlon champion despite being only 5'5". She's just so cute!

Excerpt: Slave of the Lamp

E-anthology Underworlds: tales of paranormal lust is now out from Mischief Books. It's only £0.99! Here's the author lineup:

Heavenly Shades - Charlotte Stein
Slave of the Lamp - Janine Ashbless
Katie - Angela Caperton
Sleepwalker's Secret - Rose de Fer
They Come at Night - Elizabeth Coldwell
Period Drama - Lara Lancey
The Ursa Legacy - Anne Tourney
Riding the Ghost Train - Chrissie Bentley
Fancy a F**k? - Lisette Ashton
The Hunt - Penelope Hildern

My story, Slave of the Lamp, is all about werewolves.
No, I'm shitting you ... it's about a genie, of course! - he's prisoner/slave of the Queen of Sheba and he's NOT AT ALL HAPPY ABOUT THAT. Especially when Queen Bilqis comes up with a shocking use for his magical powers. There's gender-bending, pervy sex, and extremely dubious consent in this tale ...

And here's an excerpt:
She summons me forth once more. This time I am indoors, and cannot grow to my full height. I rein myself in before I smash through the carved cedar beams of the roof.

There is a squealing and a shrieking, a flurry of panic at my arrival. I look down and see the room is full of women. It makes me grin to see them shrink away and cover their faces - though several are peeking through the slits of their fingers, and that makes me grin too. I have arrived clothed, because Bilqis commands me thus, but my silken trousers do not fully disguise the extent of my exuberance. They are all young and lovely; their breasts bare and firm, their shapely thighs and rounded bottoms a field of delight that my rampant share urges me to plough. In Solomon's palace, I would assume that this is the apartment of his concubines. Here in Sheba, they must be the queen's handmaidens. It is clear they have not been expecting the arrival of any male, and their consternation is enchanting. I wish to rush in among them like a cockerel among a flock of hens.

'Djinni!'


I force my attention back to Bilqis, who kneels upon cushions in the middle of this fluttering crowd, with a slender maiden cradled in her arms. 'Mistress?'

She's dressed less formally today. I can see her ebony nipples through the damp and clinging gauze of her robe. I understand that the land of Sheba is considered punishingly hot by humans. 'Djinni,' says she, 'my slave here has been bitten by a viper. Can you heal her?'

The girl in her arms is twisting with pain, her dark skin grey now and glistening with sweat. I can see her injured foot, swollen to twice its natural size, propped upon a cushion.

'Pray to the God of Solomon, mistress,' I suggest sourly. 'Does He not promise to be merciful?'

'I have. And to Shams and Ilmaqah and Athtar, who rule this land. The gods do not answer me. So if it lies within your power, djinni, I command you to heal this maid.'

I briefly consider some way to twist her words, but my heart is not in it. I am too distracted by the perfumed, quivering throng of women. And the girl is pretty, for a human, or will be so when well. I twitch a single finger - mostly to show how easy this is for me - and the poison hisses out of her, issuing as faint green cloud from her open lips. Her leg reverts instantly to healthy flesh.

Everyone in the room utters a wahwahwah of wonder. Except Bilqis, who smiles and nods, and the girl, who sobs and buries her face in her queen's breasts.

'There, there,' says the monarch of all Sheba, both left and right of the Red Sea. 'You are fine. Not need to cry, my sweet one.' And my eyes widen as the maid pulls down the fine gauze of the queen's robe and sucks a big nipple into her mouth.

Bilqis closes her own eyes for a moment in pleasure, then opens them, meeting my gaze with a long, considering look. 'You did well, djinni,' she says. 'It pleases me to reward you.' With a couple of clicks of her fingers she jerks two of the women at the side of the chamber from their knees. 'You two: see to his pleasure.'

I'm taken aback, but far from dismayed. The young women are curvaceous of body and beautiful of face, and they advance toward me with rapidly rising and falling breasts, bright-eyed but gratifyingly nervous.

'It would help, djinni,' says the queen in a dry voice, 'if you were to assume the size of a mortal man.'

I comply, shrinking my towering form down from the ceiling, until I am only the size of a very large man. The two handmaidens kneel before me on the cushioned floor, and reach for my hidden weapon, wetting their lips as they tug at my clothes. They are eager to obey their queen, I note, approving.

'Do not hurt them, djinni,' Bilqis adds as an afterthought.

I bare my sharp teeth in a grin at her.



Buy at Mischief Books (multiple formats) : Amazon UK : Amazon US (kindle format)

Remember, you don't need a Kindle to download kindle-format books.


P.S: You'd be amazed at the amount of research that went into this short story. I even had to look up the distribution of snakes in the Middle East for that one line about the viper-bite!

Foreign affairs

My contributor copy of "Foreign Affairs," out now from Xcite Books :-)
So, I'm back from my Foreign Affairs - for the moment anyway - and I'm suntanned and all aglow (yay!) ... and half a stone heavier (boo!). I've been to six different countries. I have eaten a load of pizza. I have swum in the Mediterranean Sea and a lake and a sulphur spring. I have discovered that the Maned Wolf reeks of cannabis! I've driven under the Alps and the English Channel. I have stayed in a yurt and seen camels, though possibly not where you'd expect to find them ...

And now I'm back, with pictures of Tombs and Towers and Tesserae to show, and some exciting publishing news to reveal when it's confirmed. While I've been away, several anthologies including my short stories have come out, so I've got excerpts to post. Ayeeeeee ... how will I ever catch up?

Well, I'm going to start with this fab review of Named and Shamed over at the Erotica Readers and Writers Association - big thanks to Ashley Lister :-)

I can't find a permalink so here it is in full:

"This is an awful lot of fun. I grew up in an era when I was supposed to go to bed with a fairy story and enjoy the fantastical tales of other worlds and the creatures that lived therein. Named and Shamed helped me recapture those fond memories but from the perspective of an adult who also enjoys the erotic titillation of characters exploring their hedonistic natures.


Written by the incredibly talented Janine Ashbless, illustrated by the stylish and talented John LaChatte, Named and Shamed is pitched as a ‘Dark and Dirty Fairy Tale’ and this succinctly describes the content.

The basic premise is that our heroine, Tansy, has stolen a manuscript relating to her studies into the magical worlds of mythical creatures. Tansy is a wonderful real-world heroine and her story in this magical world is an absolute delight.

From the vivid description, through to the strong characterisation, through to the plot that makes you want to stay awake into the early hours of the morning – Named and Shamed is one of the most fun reading experiences you will have this year.

Meet Tansy, follow her adventures, and look out for future Janine Ashbless titles."

"Named and Shamed" spotted in Paddington Station by Kay Jaybee!

Roman' with Rae

 The Ten-Pudding-Platter. That's right: TEN! As you may have twigged, I'm on holiday at the moment. I've flown out to join friends in Italy ... and two of us are going to be going home the slow route - we're driving back to the UK! Frankly, given how much we're eating I really should be jogging the distance. But anyway, I'm taking a short break from the blog.
Back at the end of the month...ish. With pictures of tombs and who-knows-what else!
In the meantime you ought to be able to follow our trip over at Rae's Nomady.

Eyecandy Monday

Puss in Boots! Hee hee hee ... I'm just so witty ...

Here's another one:


I'm interviewed at

Great Expectations

But meanwhile, at age 45, I went swimming in the Mediterranean this morning and I'm about to explore an Etruscan necropolis . . . so I can wait ;-)

Named and Shamed blog tour - day 9

These Red Riding Hood pictures are just getting ruder . . .

Running a bit late today - I'm up a hill, on a macbook/dongle, being pursued by wolves and with no idea where I'm sleeping tonight ... ;-)

Not that that would stop Tansy, heroine of Named and Shamed and, according to Para Posse: "the Xena of Adult Fairy Tales."


How cool is that, eh? You can read the whole review here - Para Posse really enjoyed the book!


"It's not just erotic. It's filthy. And in a non flowerly way. And this is what I've grown to love about Janine's voice." 

Thank you, Para Posse!

Named and Shamed blog tour - day 8

It's Day 8 of the Named and Shamed blog tour - and thereby hangs a tale! I was originally scheduled to have an excerpt go up on a blog ... which will remain nameless. I had a look at the blog and thought "Hmm. It's very hearts and flowers and romance. Did they actually read the description of Named and Shamed before they volunteered?"

But I sent an excerpt (which is relatively non-explicit and doesn't feature animal-headed fairies AT ALL ... but very menacing), from one of my favourite scenes in the book. And lo and behold, a few days ago the blog cancelled, saying they'd had a "recent policy change" and "were no longer featuring erotica".
*sniggers*

You can read the Excerpt that Got Me Banned over at

Eyecandy Monday

It's Day 7 of the Named and Shamed blog tour and I'm being interviewed over at


Talking of blood, lust and erotica  ...  my vampires have not been forgotten! Red Grow the Roses has garnered a fantastic review by Kathleen Bradeen over at Erotica Revealed:


"I thought I was done with the whole vampire thing, but Janine Ashbless writes compelling stories that explore the essence of human nature, even among the fanged." 

Full review here. 
Erotica Revealed can be a hard audience to please. But she even liked the mosaic novel structure! 

Thank you Vampirique Dezire and Kathleen!

Soup for REAL MEN

[Is there an emoticon for sarcasm?]
... or, indeed, a soup for anyone who likes beer :-)

I can say "indeed" because I've been LARPing, btw. In fact it's more or less compulsory. I've been cooking my annual medivalishy feast, and I'm going to share the recipe for Beer and Cheese Soup that we served as the first course. I think it tastes great- hearty and creamy and moreish, but you do really have to like the taste of beer.

Be careful with the beer if you try this. It gives the dish a distinctly bitter aftertaste, so don't sling the whole bottle in without testing.

Ingredients:
(serves 6)
  
Butter for frying.1 Onion2 Carrot2 sticks Celery3 cloves Garlic1 Bay Leaf Stock - about a pint: vegetable or chicken.1 can or bottle of real Beer (not lager) - I used about three quarters of a bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale 1 lb Cheddar Cheese (this needs to be a good sharp cheese, none of your sliced crap)Whole Milk - about a mugfulSalt and Pepper to taste
2 teaspoons Mustard - English or Dijon2 teaspoons Worcester Sauce - I used a vegetarian version3 tablespoons of Plain Flour
Method:
Chop and fry the onion, carrot and celery in the butter. Add the bay leaf. Cover and simmer until soft - about 15 minutes.Meanwhile,  chop the garlic and grate the cheese.Remove bay leaf, but retain. Add garlic and then flour, stir and cook for a couple of minutes - it'll make a thick lumpy paste.Take off heat. Puree in a food processor.Return to pan. Put the  bay leaf back in. Stirring, slowly add the milk, beer and stock, allowing the paste to absorb the liquid and become smooth.Add mustard, worcester sauce, salt and pepper Bring to the boil. Simmer 5 mins.Remove bay leaf. You can throw it away this time!Add the cheese, a handful at a time. When it's all melted in you're ready to serve.
Eat with good bread and butter.