Rudy Simone > Quotes

“If a guy can‘t handle it when you talk about quantum physics, Manga, or Dungeons and Dragons, then he probably isn‘t the guy for you. If he gets embarrassed by your bluntness, you‘re probably not a good match. If he doesn‘t get your jokes, references, etc., then do you really want to pursue it? We tend to feel flawed and want to change ourselves to be accepted. We are good mimics and we think that we can mimic being the kind of girl that guys will like. By all means work on yourself, but most important, be yourself.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome

“Even if we can handle it academically or intellectually, it doesn‘t mean we can handle it physically or emotionally. We need extra time, extra patience, and more sensitivity than most people. Full stop.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome

“Why do we read with greed? (Or play, or design, etc.?) We want to fill our minds with knowledge the way others want to fill their bellies with food. Information replaces confusion, which many of us experience in interactions with others. It is a place to focus, apart from all the external stimuli in our homes, schools, shops, etc. It is completely within our control how much we want to let in, unlike dealing with people, who are unpredictable and uncontrollable. (Even those of us who are in our own bubble, who don‘t read or seem to look outward much, may have a rich internal world and not yet have such a need to connect.)”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome

“Someday you will be able to leave and have your own family and you can set the tone for your house—one filled with light, love, games, creativity, reading, humor, and whatever else you want…even if it‘s 15 ferrets and a llama.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome

“Visual over-stimulation is a distraction from concentration and evokes the same sort of reactions as over-stimulation from noise. But the source might surprise you. Even fussy clothing moving around can be a visual distraction, or too many people in the room, or too many machines with moving parts. For those who work outside, a windy day is a triple-threat—with sound, sight, and touch all being affected. Cars moving, lights, signs, crowds, all this visual chaos can exhaust the AS person. Back in the office, too many computer screens, especially older ones with TV-style monitors, and sickly, flickering, unnatural fluorescent lighting were both high on the trigger list. The trouble with fluorescent light is threefold: Cool-white and energy-efficient fluorescent lights are the most commonly used in public buildings. They do not include the color blue, “the most important part for humans,” in their spectrum. In addition to not having the psychological benefits of daylight, they give off toxins and are linked to depression, depersonalization, aggression, vertigo, anxiety, stress, cancer, and many other forms of ill health. It’s true. There’s an EPA report to prove it (Edwards and Torcellini 2002). Flickering fluorescent lights, which can trigger epileptic seizures, cause strong reactions in AS individuals, including headaches, confusion, and an inability to concentrate. Even flickering that is not obvious to others can be perceived by some on the spectrum.”
― Rudy Simone, Asperger's on the Job: Must-have Advice for People with Asperger's or High Functioning Autism, and their Employers, Educators, and Advocates

“Some Aspergirls are happy alone and start to wonder if there‘s something wrong with them when society puts pressure on and asks “Aren‘t you lonely?” It‘s nobody‘s business what you do, and if you are happy being alone, you are not flawed, you are lucky.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome

“When we're young we may be called "little professors," but when we get a bit older, we're more like "absent-minded professors.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls

“While bullying happens to both males and females on the spectrum, girls, particularly, can be judgmental. Dr. Grandin advocates that some gifted children with autism should be allowed to skip high school and go right to college and I couldn‘t agree with her more. We flourish much better in an environment where the emphasis is on academic achievement and not socializing. Of course we need to learn to socialize, but through shared interests with like-minded individuals, not by being thrown to the lions. Emotionally, we require an atmosphere of tolerance and non-judgment.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome

“Having to be somewhere at a specific time and performing according to others’ expectations can put pressure on them and create a paralysis of will. Because many people with AS are highly intelligent, they may have a hard time with teachers that are not up to par in their eyes, and bosses that don’t run things as well as they could. If they don’t quit because of any of the above, the know-it-all nature of an intelligent Aspie has been known to upset a few bosses here and there, causing termination of employment. As a result, many have gone through a series of jobs and have had unsatisfactory experiences which get more discouraging as the years pass.”
― Rudy Simone, 22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome

“An Aspergirl must face the world with the aim of supporting herself, being fulfilled and not needing anyone else to support her—especially in the United States, where benefits are very hard to come by and have several hurdles, all of which seem to have the aim of humiliating you and eroding self-esteem.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome

“Not comprehending things the way other people do is fine in academia because we can usually find our own methods, but in social situations, this same tendency plays out differently—we can‘t always impose our own rules and priorities on others. We can‘t research people in everyday conversation the way we research information from books. It is not uncommon for us, when we‘re young, to ask too many questions of others, which makes them uncomfortable. If we could set the tone, we would probably be more comfortable, but we can‘t so we shut down.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome

“The idea of living with someone scares me senseless. I‘ve done it before for five years, and I shut down to cope with it. I don‘t want to give up myself again. I hope to find someone who is happy just to continue “as is” without expectations. (Kes)”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome

“Kind, open and non-judgmental people do not "mutate" me as I like to call it, and these are the people I do want to be around.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls

“The trick is twofold: increase your self-confidence, and also, seek out the good in others, find whatever aspect of them you resonate with, no against.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls

“I was also accused of lying throughout my childhood, though I was more truthful than either of my siblings. I have been accused of manipulation where it was not intended, too. (Shannon)”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome

“No matter how much your AS male loves you, there will be numerous times and ways that he cannot connect with you.”
― Rudy Simone, 22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome

“Because we have a childish innocence but a woman‘s body, when we are open and friendly, we are often accused of flirting. Lack of eye contact means we must be lying. Because we‘re always trying to figure out the game, and set things up in advance, we may seem manipulative. Our high levels of anxiety equals neurotic and controlling…bitchy.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome

“When you do meet someone you like and who likes you, early disclosure may be the way to go. When I started dating my partner he knew from my work that I had Asperger‘s.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome

“If you are the partner of a man with Asperger’s you may be the one who first noticed his anomalies; he may or may not be officially diagnosed. You might be perpetually frustrated at your inability to connect with him on a deep and consistent level. One day you feel as if your relationship is finally on solid ground, and the next day that ground has dropped out from under you.”
― Rudy Simone, 22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome

“Women are typically measured by how well they can multi-task, regulate their impulses, smooth over conflict and soothe other people‘s emotions. People say women are equal to men, but they still expect women to carry far more of the burden for other people‘s happiness than they are conscious of or care to admit—this magnifies ridiculously for spectrum women. (Stella)”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome

“Yours is a neurological, physical condition, not a spiritual one, not a psychological one, not an emotional one, although certainly problems in these areas will form if you don‘t get the help and support you need. Try re-framing each and every issue that is plaguing you. So much of life is how you look at it.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome

“If it weren‘t for Asperger‘s and obsessions there would be no Theory of Relativity, no Magic Flute, no Microsoft…and no Ghost Busters.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls

“Deborah Tedone, Director of Square Pegs/Asperger's Support Group for Adults in Rochester, NY. Deborah says so eloquently what all parents of AS girls need to hear.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls: empowering females with Asperger Syndrome

“Do not let peer pressure dissuade you from doing what you love and what you are good at. Life is about making a contribution, not about being popular and fitting in.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls

“Alien to our gender, to our culture...and to our species? The term alien has often been used to describe the Aspergian experience. Some of us felt not only like we weren't particularly female as children but also like we were not from the same planet as everyone else.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls

“Girls are "supposed" to play hard to get, but Aspergirls don't play games”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls

“I don‘t think that I look, act and feel younger than I am, I know I do. I‘m not irresponsible, just hyper and active like a younger person is. I have a lot of younger friends. I don‘t have any problems in particular with people my own age, save that I sometimes think they are boring.”
― Rudy Simone, Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome

“Wear a hat with a brim to counter the effects of overhead lights. It can also give you a feeling of security.”
― Rudy Simone, Asperger's on the Job: Must-have Advice for People with Asperger's or High Functioning Autism, and their Employers, Educators, and Advocates