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22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome
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22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome

3.86  ·  Rating details ·  343 ratings  ·  51 reviews
Although having Asperger Syndrome (AS) can make romantic relations difficult, having a fulfilling relationship with an Asperger man is certainly not impossible. A woman in love with a man with AS may interpret his difficulties with communication and socialization as a lack of interest in the relationship. He may vacillate between being gentle and caring to seeming cold and ...more
112 pages
Published (first published May 15th 2009)
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Jan 21, 2010 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: read-in-2010
This is a thin volume, and I was very pleased to get hold of it as I had read wonderful reviews, the comment that the book was positive being the clincher for me.

I found the book almost horrifyingly negative, and also, worse, stereotypical. The point is made at the beginning that not everyone who has AS has the same difficulties, but almost in the next sentence, there are a list of things "all problematic for a person with AS." I almost closed the book then, as the person I am reading the book a
Kerry Woodward
Sep 13, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Excellent book. Being married to an Aspie I could completely relate to this book. It's made me realise i'm not going insane afterall! ...more
Sep 05, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction
Fairly depressing for me but now I know I wasn't crazy or "not good enough" to hang out with. This book accurately (if painfully) describes the behaviors of an aspie man so perfectly. It is subtle - the difference between a self-absorbed asshole and an aspie - and this book does a good job of explaining the unique aspects. ...more
Wendy Mueller
Jan 01, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: marriage, asperger-s
This book literally saved my marriage. So many of the things that I thought my husband did just out of spite were actually clear symptoms of Asperger's. I wish I had found this book 10 years ago. ...more
Roberta Decenzo
Aug 28, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This was a great book to read and very reflective of what I’m experiencing dating a male with Aspergers. The 22 different segments are quick and to the point which makes this an easy read. Each segment or point has an illustration which I found highly colourable and stress relieving. A great book to read... and apparently colour... if you are in an AS relationship.
Delaney Ryan
Dec 17, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Worth it!

Reading with my partner after we finished the other corresponding 22 things book. Not even 30 pages in he felt eerily targeted. We are both sure we are on the spectrum and both books have been enlightening
Allura Maison
Nov 06, 2020 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Negative and depressing

Depressing read, makes you want to not bother at all with Asperger male. I came looking for practical solutions and the entire books harps on about making yourself small and compromising to suit that partner. Your whole
Life is designed around one persons reality or perceptions of. No thanks.
Jul 09, 2013 rated it liked it
Very valuable information for any woman in any type of romantic relationship with a man who has Asperger's Syndrome (AS). Really wish I'd gotten my hands on this sooner (well, honestly, I bought it a few years ago and have just now gotten around to reading it) because I really was feeling very alone with a lot of the struggles that my husband (who has AS) and I were having. Granted, not all of the topics covered in this book apply to me/my husband -- for example, the chapter on lying. In my expe ...more
Gillian Taylor
Jul 30, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book opened my eyes in more ways than one. It not only showed my my partners behaviours in greater detail and gave me more understanding of the way his brain worked but it also showed me my behaviours and gave me hope that I can adapt and accept some of the more difficult things that happen in this type of relationship. It made me laugh, it made me cry but mostly it gave me hope.

My favourite part of this book was this explanantion by the author about her relationship with her Asperger's Syn
Wayne King
Although not aimed at me (I'm male), I have an Asperger diagnosis and thought the book might be useful to understand what happened in a previous relationship, and to try to make sense of some problems I am having in a friendship with a female at the current time.
It is a quite simplified book and can tend to be a little overgeneralised with its opinions of males with Asperger's but it does seem like it has given me a little perspective on how I might be being viewed, which is all I was looking fo
Nov 04, 2018 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
It is very realistic and makes sobering reading. It upset me quite a lot though there was nothing I didn't already know because I regularly experience the rollercoaster ride of being special friends with an aspie of the opposite sex whom I quietly love very much. The love and the joy of the good times is always tempered by the worry/awareness that he will one day unceremoniously leave me. It just brings it all home. ...more
Aug 17, 2013 rated it liked it
To be read with caution. It did describe many of the difficulties my AS husband has but didn't explain that different men cope with varying degrees of success. It left me feeling quite negative about my husband, which isn't useful. I didn't feel it had enough of the balancing strengths. But still, it was useful and informative. ...more
Freya Magnusson
Aug 14, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This book is very representative and truthful in its guidance to women not on the Spectrum in love or in relationship with a man on the Spectrum. I would say I can relate to a lot of it already, 2 months into my new relationship.

After reading the book and going through some of the events mentioned in this book as typical and accurate, I felt it helpful guidance and highly recommend it especially at the beginning of a relationship.

I would also suggest it's appropriate for platonic friendships wit
Jun 15, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Seems accurate but could be more balanced

A useful read also for men on the spectrum to see it from the female point of view. It stresses the downside too much. While I appreciate it is difficult, the picture is not wholly negative. The his approach may put people off whom could otherwise have benefited from this book.
Jennifer Rouse
Aug 19, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This is the first book I have read on this subject. Already I feel a wave of relief as well as ideas to help make our marriage even better. This book provides insights to many of the behaviors spouses of ASP spouses experience. It also offers the positives to what the characteristics offer to the spouse of an ASP adult. Grateful for this book and eager to read more on the subject.
Alexandra Nitu
Aug 14, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition

I got this book to confirm suspicions, to get insights and consider coping mechanisms. It delivered on all accounts. Accessible language and simple way to appuya very sensitive as emotional topic.
Feb 25, 2018 rated it did not like it
Deceiving. I expected something more structured and complex. It didn't bring the information I was looking for. ...more
Jun 01, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Great book and 100% agree with everything!

I felt very identified with all the aspects and the feelings an AS couple feels . Recommended 100% . I wanted to read more!
Oct 17, 2018 rated it it was ok
Shelves: non-fiction, how-to
This is a very short book. The list itself was fine, but I found that the explanation wasn't very applicable to my situation. Not the author's fault. ...more
Jan 16, 2019 rated it really liked it
Insightful yet .... Not a great book.
Mar 01, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Spot on.
Dec 30, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Great mini overview, and a quick reference Guide. Works well with more detailed books on behavior. This book gives a nice quick insight. This is a re-read of this book I got it a long time ago and is still relevant today. Would recommend.
Camille McWhirter
Ms. Simone does a great job of picking up on and discussing the key characteristics that will make a neuro diverse relationship difficult. I am amused by the many reviews that criticize the author for not showing more compassion for the partner and are expecting advice on how to change rather than understand the Aspie partner and suggesting that she herself must be an Aspie (She is.) She has done her job in this book which is to try to help the NT partner understand what their ASD partner is thi ...more
Jul 10, 2015 rated it really liked it
Quite an insightful book, where about 80-85% apply to me.

Having said that, I shall now digress into my latest problem, which is to do with the scientific status of Asperger's.

Authors keep saying that it is a neurological condition, as opposed I suppose to chemical, environmental, cultural and so forth. I even encountered in the past the "wiring" metaphor, as if there are wires inside our brains.

All this rhetoric endeavors to give a scientific impression, while I am not at all convinced that our
Lenny Husen
May 11, 2016 rated it it was amazing
I loved this and would recommend it to any woman. It is unintentionally funny and heartbreaking.
My mate is the exact opposite of every one of the 22 things and does not have AS.
However, my father has Asperger's Syndrome (AS) and reading this gave me compassion for what his wives went through, their anger, hurt, and frustration. It helps me in my journey to forgive my mother for divorcing my father.
Also, some things remind me of one of my brother-in-laws, and helps me to forgive him as well (no
Jul 17, 2014 rated it liked it
I read this trying to decide if I should give it to my girlfriend (guess why). I think every other review I looked at was by a woman, so here is the man side. The very general advice is fine and works for most relationships I should think, but there any many details about the men that don't. I'd guess somewhere between a quarter and a third of the things listed apply to me, but that makes it less than half. So maybe I will offer her this book and see if she wants to read it (only takes an hour o ...more
Kate Kaput
Jun 17, 2016 rated it it was ok
I picked up this quick, non-fiction read in the hopes of learning a little bit more about the disorder that my boyfriend & I suspect may affect him (& therefore us). While it was a quick & easy read that did shed some light on better understanding, relating to, & engaging with people with AS, I ultimately didn't feel the author gives them enough credit for (or delve far enough into looking at) the positive traits that can come with AS or the work that so many people can & do put into overcoming ...more
Rue Baldry
This is very short. There's not a lot of actual information in it, but it was very useful for me to see the things I mostly already knew gathered together and condensed. It's also validating to read so much that I recognise. The advice is pretty obvious. A lot of it is the advice I would give a friend in my position, but who ever takes their own advice? It really helped to give me some perspective. I feel less guilty about protecting and looking after myself and I do feel like I understand him m ...more
Leesi Franklin
Aug 24, 2016 rated it did not like it
I read this book for ideas in working with my dad in social situations and in loving him in the best way possible as he is on the spectrum. (I realize it's for romantic couples but figured I could take what I could use and discard the rest)

I found this book an enabling list of "it's okay he treats you like a jerk. He is on the spectrum so he can't help the abusive behavior " I understand people who experience asd struggle in many ways. My dad was a single parent so I know no other parent than o
Nov 21, 2011 rated it it was ok
A very quick read and basic introduction to the idea of Asperger Syndrome in men. A lot of Rudy's work resonates with me but this one didn't quite as much as those she wrote after realising that she is on the spectrum as well. This one is a very easy and quick read and has a lot of valid points, but I think is a bit too generalised when it comes to a large group of the ASD population. It will be interesting to read her upcoming book about loving a woman with Asperger Syndrome. ...more
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“Having to be somewhere at a specific time and performing according to others’ expectations can put pressure on them and create a paralysis of will. Because many people with AS are highly intelligent, they may have a hard time with teachers that are not up to par in their eyes, and bosses that don’t run things as well as they could. If they don’t quit because of any of the above, the know-it-all nature of an intelligent Aspie has been known to upset a few bosses here and there, causing termination of employment. As a result, many have gone through a series of jobs and have had unsatisfactory experiences which get more discouraging as the years pass.” 1 likes
“If you are the partner of a man with Asperger’s you may be the one who first noticed his anomalies; he may or may not be officially diagnosed. You might be perpetually frustrated at your inability to connect with him on a deep and consistent level. One day you feel as if your relationship is finally on solid ground, and the next day that ground has dropped out from under you.” 1 likes
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