Let's Eat Grandma's Pills Quotes

“Or maybe it’s an unavoidable part of getting older; everything just gets blurrier until you die.”
― David Thorne, Let's Eat Grandma's Pills

“Ahoy, can you pass me a paper towel featuring seahorses and starfish please?” “They were out of plain ones. I told you that.” “It’s fine, I like them. We should redo the entire kitchen in a marine theme. Maybe add a porthole.” “You do carry on a bit.” “Beach hair, don’t care. Can you also pass me the peeler?” ‘Where is it?” “Starboard drawer.”
― David Thorne, Let's Eat Grandma's Pills

“I saw Nathan at school a few days after the pool incident. He had stitches on the bridge of his nose and two black eyes that made him look like the Hamburglar - which is how he got his new nickname. The nickname didn’t make any sense after his black eyes cleared up, but Hamburglar preferred it to his previous nickname (Funshine Bear) and, to keep it going, did a sneaky pantomime walk whenever anyone yelled, “Hey Hamburglar!” I was a bit annoyed by this.”
― David Thorne, Let's Eat Grandma's Pills

“Mentioning Philadelphia doesn’t make me cross, it’s more of a nauseated feeling, like when you discover mold spots on bread or see a magnified photo of a tick. Most cities have their good and bad points, but there’s no point to Philadelphia. From its corrugated roads to its unbearable residents, the entire city is a dump.”
― David Thorne, Let's Eat Grandma's Pills

“Leith called me Yul Brynner for a bit but I didn’t know who Yul Brynner was so it didn’t bother me. A girl at school said I looked like a soldier which I was quite pleased about; I spent the day saluting people until a teacher told me stop.”
― David Thorne, Let's Eat Grandma's Pills

“This is a dinner plate from the Titanic.” “Really David? It looks like a normal everyday plate.” “Yes, but if you lick it, it’s salty.”
― David Thorne, Let's Eat Grandma's Pills

“We had to sit on towels on the beach like unemployed people. I’m never going to Florida again; too many thieves and fat girls wearing Supreme® caps.”
― David Thorne, Let's Eat Grandma's Pills

“It’s not a transparent bubble pod. It’s a hollow log in a forest that you can spend the night in.” “Why would anyone want to spend the night in a log?” “Wow, you really need to get out of your comfort zone. I’d love to spend a night in a log. One of the reviews says an anteater licked them.”
― David Thorne, Let's Eat Grandma's Pills

“According to historical records, John Marshfield was only 23 when he hanged himself. I get that 23 was probably the equivalent of today’s 36, but it still seems young to be making such a permanent decision. My offspring, Seb, is 23 and the only decisions he makes involve Netflix.”
― David Thorne, Let's Eat Grandma's Pills

“Pets? Put them down and buy new ones when you get back.”
― David Thorne, Let's Eat Grandma's Pills

“Buy a Ring doorbell if you live in a shitty neighbourhood. Your package will still get stolen but you can post the video on the Ring app and an old lady named Janet will leave a comment about people having no respect for other people’s property since they stopped teaching the Bible in schools.”
― David Thorne, Let's Eat Grandma's Pills