A Very Grumpy Father's Day Quotes

“It’ll be like old times, except with the wives and kids. But the kids won’t be drinking. Well, Ashton might. NOLAN: You shut yer gob. Not til he’s fifteen.”
― Kayley Loring, A Very Grumpy Father's Day

“I can’t decide which reason for her crying is more exciting to me, so it’s a very weird tie.”
― Kayley Loring, A Very Grumpy Father's Day

“I think Declan Sullivan Cannavale, Esq. is having a very memorable Father’s Day.”
― Kayley Loring, A Very Grumpy Father's Day

“Parenthood in general and this week in particular has taught us that things do not always go as planned.”
― Kayley Loring, A Very Grumpy Father's Day

“The sound of the juvenile delinquents’ laughter echoes across the harbor. And they can all kiss my beautiful millennial ass.”
― Kayley Loring, A Very Grumpy Father's Day

“Why are they here? Why are they so noisy? Why are they drunk? Why can’t I ignore them and focus on my wife? Where can we raise Ciara so she doesn’t grow into a drunk teenager?”
― Kayley Loring, A Very Grumpy Father's Day

“Fine. But make it quick.” “That’s what she said.” “Yes. That is literally what she just said. I’m putting you on speakerphone.”
― Kayley Loring, A Very Grumpy Father's Day

“Well, it was yer fault for bein’ so sassy and for inspirin’ me to be sassy too! Who’d ye think I learned it from—my mother? Hah!” They shared a laugh at that because they both knew how basic Piper’s mother was.”
― Kayley Loring, A Very Grumpy Father's Day

“The warden tossed Maddie and Piper into an underground thieves’ hole. The year was 1743. The location—the Scottish Highlands. Their crime? Being too sassy.”
― Kayley Loring, A Very Grumpy Father's Day

“Now I just want to throttle him. And find my candles. And hump his leg. Marriage is weird.”
― Kayley Loring, A Very Grumpy Father's Day

“if I hear Declan Cannavale’s voice or smell his sexy vampire scent or feel the warmth of his body in proximity to mine, my nipples respond with a fifteen-minute TED Talk on how hot his butt is.”
― Kayley Loring, A Very Grumpy Father's Day

“And how can I blame my husband for having such a thick head when he has such a big heart?”
― Kayley Loring, A Very Grumpy Father's Day

“It has always been right there beneath the surface, this stormy passion. All we ever need is the time and the space to access it.”
― Kayley Loring, A Very Grumpy Father's Day

“I am resilient—no, I am invincible. But mostly, I’m horny.”
― Kayley Loring, A Very Grumpy Father's Day

“All is well.
I am still hot as fuck. I am worthy of the woman who married me and the tiny person who shares our sensational DNA. I am resilient – no, I am invincible. But mostly, I’m horny.”
― Kayley Loring, A Very Grumpy Father's Day

“I miss you. We’re too busy. And tired. And cranky. But hot! We’re still hot as fuck.”
― Kayley Loring, A Very Grumpy Father's Day