On Earth as It Is on Television Quotes

“Answers came when they damn well wanted to come, which was sometimes not at all. Answers were, in that respect, like cats.”
― Emily Jane, On Earth as It Is on Television

“They could forget about college. Maybe they didn't want college anyway. Maybe they didn't want degrees and titles and weekend workdays. They could live lives unburdened by transcripts, certificates, licenses, applications, dissertations, diversifications, stocks and bonds and dividends, insurance and annuities and 401(k)s, fashion trends, pantyhose, stuffy suit coats, bow ties, boring parties where the humans squandered irreplaceable minutes on suffocating small talk and no one partook in Dionysian pursuits and everyone went home early feeling empty inside despite the excesses of the cheese tray.”
― Emily Jane, On Earth as It Is on Television

“how aliens had traveled from distant galaxies, across the vast where-no-man-has-gone-before reaches of space, to visit their B-list Earth, where the wild animals became frequently extinct but the domesticated ones got their own special matching rain boots and slickers, and their own wall plaque”
― Emily Jane, On Earth as It Is on Television

“And if the aliens somehow knew—if the aliens could peer into the eccentricities of human-run Earth-life and see the absurdly misguided turn it had taken—how could they just keep hovering there, lasers holstered?”
― Emily Jane, On Earth as It Is on Television

“If they occupied the planet long enough, it would be theirs. Which was how, one senator remarked, many Earth nations had been formed. By squatters. Which was why, another senator insisted, we ought to destroy them now.”
― Emily Jane, On Earth as It Is on Television

“So, if you were going to try and pronounce in English, it would probably sound something like... Malorts.” “Malorts. I feel like I’ve heard that before.” “It’s the name of a really awful-tasting liquor.” “Oh, okay, that’s why.”
― Emily Jane, On Earth as It Is on Television