Boyslut Quotes

“it’s necessary to have a community—and when I say community, this can mean a close-knit friend group—where you’re encouraged to be authentically you.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“Gender is a construct, a social experiment. That’s not my hot take. We’ve all heard this a million times by now. Usually, it’s said in the context of attempting to dismantle how restrictive gender norms are. It’s an ideology that posits one doesn’t have to present their gender in any constrictive way because gender isn’t real. It’s a figment of our imagination. While I agree wholeheartedly, I do not think we, and by “we” I mean the world, will ever rid ourselves of gender stereotypes completely. I’ll take it a step further and say that it is not helpful to think of gender as a thing that needs to be abolished. Gender can be a useful framework for folks to feel validated (trans folks included) through the shorthand it provides.*”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“Similarly, it’s necessary to acknowledge that most people don’t respond well to conflict as it unfolds. If they feel attacked, what they say in the heat of the moment could be less than kind. They also may respond by attacking back. (This again is why “I” statements are so valuable.) Or they respond by crying. Neither are productive responses—the person who’s bringing up the issue shouldn’t also play the consoler. You’re bringing up something that hurt you; you should be the one getting consoled. So it’s crucial to have some time away after a conflict to recollect and think things over. It’s often the second or third time you discuss an issue when things start getting resolved. Expect and even encourage having conversations about an issue multiple times.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“We like to say “It takes a village to raise a child,” but what happens when that child grows up? Why does that village need to disappear? I say, “It takes a village to function as an adult.” Not only is it unlikely to find one person who can satisfy all your needs but, oy, the pressure. And do you know what’s not good for a healthy relationship? Pressure!”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“Declaring our bisexuality is a pain in the ass, but it’s a necessary chore. It’s why we must claim bisexuality even when we’re happily monogamous and have been married to the same person for years. It’s why we claim bisexuality even if we’ve never had sex with someone of the same or different gender. It’s why we say it loud and proud all the time.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“The “relationship escalator” refers to the expected progression of dating to marriage on a standardized timeline. You meet someone. You have sex on the third date. You decide to be monogamous after three months. You say I love you after five. You move in after a year and a half, propose after two years, are married six months later. Then you buy a “starter house” and pump out some rugrats. A few years in, you make some more monies and buy a “finisher house.” Finally, you remain married to your spouse until death do you part. If I sit and think about this for more than a minute, my testicles shoot up into my stomach. This doesn’t sound pleasant or comforting to me. It sounds horrifying, like a slow march toward the electric chair. Some people like having their life planned out. I do not. I like the freedom for life to change on a dime—for me to change on a dime.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“I was collecting new experiences like Pokémon.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“Bisexual people are only visibly bisexual when we announce our sexuality. Really, bisexual visibility is a misnomer; we should say bisexual audibility.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“Some men have become so accustomed to suppressing their feelings they struggle to recognize, label, emote, and express themselves. This is called “normative male alexithymia.” That’s why it’s not always as simple as “my boyfriend won’t open up to me.” He’s literally lost the ability to do so.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“People feel emboldened and empowered to be their worst selves from the safety of their toilet seat.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“In my experience, when you are ashamed of something, others will shame you. When you’re embarrassed by something, others will pity you. If you present something as problematic or deviant, you will be treated as a troubled freak. That’s why you need to own your kinks. When you talk about how you like being led on a leash and called a “good boy,” say it the same way you would tell a server, “I’d like an omelet with feta, asparagus, and shrimp.” Both are things you like. It’s that simple. You don’t preface a server with “I know that’s a bizarre combo of things to put in an omelet, but . . .” You just say what you fucking want.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“By this definition, vanilla sex is actually abnormal because you’re in a minority if you’re not fantasizing or acting out something kinky. This makes being vanilla one of the kinkiest kinks of them all! So if someone ever tries to vanilla-shame you, just tell them you’re not a basic bitch who’s into BDSM like everyone else.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“There’s a reason the phrase “no homo” made its way into our vernacular—outside of very blatant homophobia. Straight men felt the need to distance themselves from anything that could be considered “gay” because they were teased, bullied, and harassed for something as innocuous as hugging another male friend.* Since straight men wanted to be able to hug their friends without being ridiculed, they started saying “no homo” after doing anything that they thought made them less of a man. “No homo” probably wouldn’t have become as pervasive a saying if straight men were allowed to act in manners that are traditionally thought of as being more feminine.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“Recently, many Western cultures have made progress accepting nonbinary and trans folks (with some obvious major setbacks). I’ve noticed that this acceptance often comes from a reinforcement of gender, which I find worrisome. You should be able to be a man who wears dresses and lipstick and still be a man. Clothing is genderless. Makeup is genderless. So, too, is painting one’s nails. While you can (and should) absolutely identify as nonbinary if the identity speaks to you, you can also be an “effeminate” man and still be just that, a man—and a straight man at that! Everything that falls outside the super narrow confines of “masculinity” isn’t automatically queer. I think if we allowed men to be more “effeminate” without quickly labeling them as queer, we’d have significantly less homophobia/ queerphobia.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“Some bi people have never slept with the same sex or gender, and they’re still bisexual. Bisexuality is about attractions, not behavior. That’s why monogamous people are still bisexual despite the fact they’re only sleeping with one person. That’s why virgins can still be bisexual, gay, or straight.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“The way society has conceptualized and taught sex has made all of our lives worse, regardless of gender and sexual orientation. The heteronormative hunter/hunted dynamic helps no one; it’s only made masculinity more toxic and exacerbated male privilege, enabling men to keep treating women horribly. And the notion that a woman’s value goes down because she’s had a lot of sex whereas a man’s goes up? Ridiculous. Our value shouldn’t be correlated to sex.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“Alas, human beings love to project. Monogamous people assume since they couldn’t ever be poly, that means polyamory doesn’t work. This is disheartening but expected. Alternative lifestyles are demonized because they threaten the status quo. Ironically, alt people take so much pride in being alternative that the last thing on their minds is conversion. They like being different from the status quo.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“Once we acknowledge how common kinks are, whether or not someone shares your exact kink, we begin the self-acceptance process. This allows us to start talking openly about our desires with our partners, which leads to happier, healthier, and more satisfying relationships.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“gender in and of itself is neutral. It’s just a form of expression or a lens through which we view the world.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“Here’s the thing about unlearning what society teaches you: You still live in that society. While you may be more open, or dare I say enlightened, most people are not. So you spend your life in opposition to the majority opinion, and you have to learn how to interact with everyone else in a manner that doesn’t drive you completely bonkers.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“I want kids questioning their sexuality to see that we exist, are real, diverse, and proud. We’re not confused.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“I like dating a person of any gender who doesn’t believe in gender roles and believes we are true equals, as people.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“A constant refrain from those who think of or turn to suicide is loneliness, especially among queer people. It is incredibly damaging to feel like you have no community, no one to talk to, or that you’re a pariah in a straight world that discriminates, bullies, and harasses.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“Now most Millennials and Gen-Zers struggle with some form of depression, anxiety, or other mental illness. Most of us have experienced trauma to varying degrees. This may make me sound like a dick, but that doesn’t give you carte blanche to do or say anything you want. It also doesn’t mean your partner has to support you. Your partner may not have the emotional bandwidth to tend to your needs. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Neither does it mean you’re “too much” in general, but it may mean you need to find someone who has a greater emotional capacity to support you.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“I think it’s important to remind yourself that you have a top-shelf bussy. Your hips do not lie. And you can, and have, sucked the soul out of someone’s dick. As I write this, he aimlessly roams the streets, a shell of a man, searching for someone who can suck dick like you. I want you to focus on that man’s life you destroyed by being too damn good at head. That’s the internal validation I’m talking about!”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“Let us not forget that the stigma surrounding STIs is designed. It’s designed to keep you from having sex. It’s designed to make you feel shame for something completely normal and healthy.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“Let me not pursue a long-distance relationship with someone I had spent only twenty-four hours with. Let me enjoy it for what it was.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“Bi women are nearly twice as likely as straight women to experience sexual and physical assault. Bi women also have much higher rates of drug addiction and abuse. Not to mention that lesbians are really mean to bi women. At least gay men still hang out with bi men. Yes, they’ll talk shit behind our backs, about how we’re in denial, but they’re not as blatantly antagonistic as lesbians who make bi women feel like gender traitors for breaking up with a woman and dating a man.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“Then there’s the fact that our language around sex and sexual dynamics is often exclusionary of nonbinary people, and that’s by design. Nonbinary people transcend gender stereotypes, so there’s no place for them in conversations among those who perpetuate the idea that “men are from Mars” and “women are from Venus.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

“There are few worse feelings than really liking a man, finally getting to the point of having sex, and not being able to because you think about all the gay men who’ve died from AIDS complications. You think about all the love, art, and overall good these men could have brought to the world. You think about the devastating ends of their lives—how they felt, what they missed, and who missed them after they were gone.”
― Zachary Zane, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto