Love Will Tear Us Apart Quotes

“Ox leaned against the table, causing it to creak alarmingly. ‘Is it my imagination, or are people becoming more stupid? Or just more mean?’ ‘I have a sneaking suspicion,’ said Reggie, ‘that people are getting more scared. It tends to bring out the worst in them.”
― C.K. McDonnell, Love Will Tear Us Apart

“Apologies were fast becoming a lost art form, thanks to the repeated warping of the concept. There was the ‘I’m sorry if anybody was offended’ apology; the ‘I’m sorry that somebody thinks I said this thing that I didn’t say’ apology; and its near-identical twin, the ‘I’m sorry if you misunderstood what I said’ apology. There were numerous variations, but they all amounted to the fact that the person wasn’t sorry at all.”
― C.K. McDonnell, Love Will Tear Us Apart

“where the desks looked as they normally did – Reggie’s neat and tidy, Ox’s like a vacuum cleaner and a recycling bin had fought to the death over a takeaway order.”
― C.K. McDonnell, Love Will Tear Us Apart

“You didn’t do something magical to me, to make me talkative, did you?’ ‘No,’ Betty said in a kind but firm voice. ‘I promise I did not. That would be a terrible invasion of privacy. All I’ve done is keep you up past your bedtime and coerce a member of Gen Z to do some actual physical labour. I’m guessing it’s the shock of those two forces colliding that has had this unexpected effect on you.”
― C.K. McDonnell, Love Will Tear Us Apart

“People think owls, people think owls, owls people think are so clever just because people put glasses on them in a few cartoons. Suddenly they are wise. Then J. K. Rowling bigs them up – claiming they can deliver magical doodahs and whatnots. I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you, I will tell you – you give a letter to an owl, not only are you not seeing that letter again, but there’s every chance you’re down a finger too. Meanwhile, pigeons, pigeons, yeah. Been delivering messages loyally for centuries, often through enemy fire, basically won this country two world wars, and what are they treated as? Vermin! Flying rats. It’s a travesty, I tell you, travesty it is, travesty.”
― C.K. McDonnell, Love Will Tear Us Apart

“She looked up to see the man with a duck on his head moving across to sit opposite her, picking up the fallen chair as he did so. The duck itself remained entirely nonplussed. ‘Let me guess – you’re a big Terry Pratchett fan?’ ‘No,’ said the man, looking affronted. ‘Why do you ask?’ ‘No reason.”
― C.K. McDonnell, Love Will Tear Us Apart

“Oh yes,’ agreed Smokey. ‘That’s what us screenwriters call a complication, you see. It can’t just be boy meets cigarette machine, falls in love, the end, can it? I mean, who would want to see that? No, you’ve got to have obstacles – like how Romeo and Juliet are from warring families, or how Meg Ryan’s character in Sleepless in Seattle is already engaged when she falls for Tom Hanks, or how she runs a little bookshop in You’ve Got Mail and he runs a big one, or how he’s trapped on a desert island with a volleyball and she isn’t even in that movie. Obstacles, you see. Obstacles.”
― C.K. McDonnell, Love Will Tear Us Apart

“This development, following so soon in the wake of last month’s controversial decision by the Court to strike down the law of gravity as unconstitutional, has led some observers to question if the Court has entirely lost its collective damn mind.”
― C.K. McDonnell, Love Will Tear Us Apart

“The US Congress has made history by approving the nomination of an AR-15 assault rifle to sit on the Supreme Court of the United States. ‘Today is a great day for American democracy,’ said Representative Ted Cruise-Missile.”
― C.K. McDonnell, Love Will Tear Us Apart

“Elon Musk and NASA are in cahoots, doing mind control on all of us using the 5G signal”
― C.K. McDonnell, Love Will Tear Us Apart

“It flicked through all the channels until it found a repeat of the 1990s show in which people in swimwear saved other people from drowning by running in slow motion towards them”
― C.K. McDonnell, Love Will Tear Us Apart

“scattershot.”
― C.K. McDonnell, Love Will Tear Us Apart