Aniana del Mar Jumps In Quotes

“when I look at the hermit crab, all I see is how it’s able to leave its hard shell when it wants. But I can never leave my body, my shell. And I never thought I’d be jealous of something as simple as a hermit crab.”
― Jasminne Mendez, Aniana del Mar Jumps In

“I cry even harder because
I don’t want to be strong.
I want to be allowed to be
sad and weak and maybe
even give up.
But I don’t say that.”
― Jasminne Mendez, Aniana del Mar Jumps In

“I don’t know the words
for this alone-ness
that makes me feel
like a single speck of a star
in the middle of a dark sky
no one is looking up at.”
― Jasminne Mendez, Aniana del Mar Jumps In

“But…

Madrina says suddenly,

I do think both you and your papi
should stop wanting or expecting
for you to return to your “old self.”
Because that’s not going to happen.
And that’s okay. He and you need to begin
to accept you as you are.

Me: But sometimes even I don’t know
who I am anymore.

Madrina kisses my cheek and says:

Mi amor, you are Ani,
and you are enough, and
that’s all you need to be.”
― Jasminne Mendez, Aniana del Mar Jumps In

“How are you feeling today?

Sometimes I’m so angry
about the way my legs limp
and my arms ache that I want
to hurricane everything and
everyone around me.

Sometimes I’m so confused
wondering what I did to deserve
this that the tears come fast
like a tsunami I can’t escape.

Sometimes I’m so scared
of losing the parts of me
that I always believed made
ME, that I wish I could board myself
up and shelter from this storm.

Sometimes the sinking ship
inside me sinks further and
further into my stomach and
all I want to do is sleep.

But, when she asks,
all I’m ever able to say is:
I’m fine.”
― Jasminne Mendez, Aniana del Mar Jumps In

“I don’t know the words
for this frustration
with my own body
And what I want it to do
but can’t.

I don’t know if there is
a word for the fear
that I have of never being
myself again.”
― Jasminne Mendez, Aniana del Mar Jumps In