Real Self-Care Quotes

“1. Set boundaries with others. 2. Change how you talk to yourself. 3. Bring in what matters most to you. 4. This is power—use it for good.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“Faux self-care is a method—in the moment, going for a run might improve your mood, but it does nothing to change the circumstances in your life that led you to feel drained, energy-less, or down. On the other hand, the work of real self-care is about going deeper and identifying the core principles to guide decision-making. When you apply these principles to your life, you don’t just feel relief in the moment, you design a system of living that prevents the problems from coming up in the first place.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“Boundaries are hard not because you can’t identify yours, but because you are worried about the backlash.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“You’ll know you’re practicing real self-care when it feels like your outsides are matching your insides.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“What I meant when I said “I don’t have time” is that every minute that passes I’m disappointing someone .”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“Disembodiment takes many forms—for example, mindlessly scrolling social media, forgetting to eat or drink water, exercising to the point of injury—but ultimately it leads to a lack of ability to make meaningful and productive choices for yourself.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“Real self-care, as you’ll see, is not a one-stop shop like a fancy spa retreat or a journaling app; it’s an internal process that involves making difficult decisions that will pay off tenfold in the long run as a life built around the relationships and activities that matter most to you.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“The con in this system is the notion that if you keep being a “good mother,” taking care of everyone else, someday, somebody will take care of you.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“Feelings are not rational actors. They just are. It’s our job to learn how to feel them, and then we can decide if we want to take action based on them.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“My clinical practice is focused on people who identify as women, many of whom have children but not all. In a country without mandatory paid family leave and with astronomical childcare costs, parenthood can be an existential tipping point for women. But it is important to note that it’s not just mothers who suffer from this overburdening—it’s anyone who has been conditioned to put the needs and preferences of others ahead of themselves.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“real self-care is not only a more authentic and sustainable solution—it’s also self-determined. It involves the internal process of setting boundaries, learning to treat yourself with compassion, making choices that bring you closer to yourself, and living a life aligned with your values.”
― Pooja Lakshmin MD, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“Healthy adult relationships should be able to accommodate the needs and preferences of each person.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“there is no shortcut for setting boundaries and knowing your limits. The longer you let the fear of other people’s judgment or reactions dictate your decisions, the more devastating the destruction is in the long run.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“The problem with this mentality is that the longer you stick with a relationship, a job, or a situation that isn’t working for you, the higher the emotional cost becomes to eventually set a boundary.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“If it’s someone else’s answer, it can never be your solution.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“…What I really needed was to rest. I realized that I felt more comfortable with productivity because it provided the illusion of control.”
― Pooja Lakshmin MD, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“Remember that self-love is also revolutionary and world changing.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“our patriarchal society has saddled women with the mental load, leaving us burned out, disconnected, and primed to practice faux self-care as an individual solution to a societal problem.”
― Pooja Lakshmin MD, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“I started to question what was being taught—I didn’t get much guidance in medical school or residency on what to do when your patient can’t pay for health insurance or when she has lost childcare for the third time in two months and is being fired from her job. Instead, I was taught to prescribe medications or provide psychotherapy for issues that were clearly systemic. While there is certainly a great need for both of these medical interventions, the lack of attention to the inhumanity of our social policies left me feeling powerless—just like my patients.”
― Pooja Lakshmin MD, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“The more you give to your job, the more guilt you feel at home. The more you excel at home, the more behind you feel at work. Women are squeezed into a smaller and smaller corner, until there is no room to feel much of anything aside from anger or helplessness.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“Our culture has taken wellness and foisted it on the individual—where it can be bought, measured, and held up as personal success—instead of investing in making our social systems healthy.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“your boundaries are a reflection of how willing you are to advocate for the life that you want.” [1] She makes the important point that boundaries are not common sense, they’re taught. A critical skill in setting boundaries is to separate your own needs and preferences from the opinions of other people who have a vested interest in your life.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“It’s pretty much the polar opposite of self-compassion. And when we let that shame-based voice win, Martyr Mode kicks into high gear, our inner critic goes wild, and we end up constructing situations in which it’s impossible for us to feel good.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“Other countries have social safety nets. The US has women. JESSICA CALARCO”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“Faux self-care is a method—in the moment, going for a run might improve your mood, but it does nothing to change the circumstances in your life that led you to feel drained, energy-less, or down. On the other hand, the work of real self-care is about going deeper and identifying the core principles to guide decision-making.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“think differently about her health and how much space she occupied in her life.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“As we transitioned to smartphones, a twenty-four-hour news cycle, and a plethora of ways to keep up with family, friends, and complete strangers via social media, we also saw a parallel need for a balm from that stimulation overload. Self-care was no longer relegated to the realm of health, nor was it about standing up against oppressive systems. Instead, it morphed into a release valve, designed to bring you a momentary sense that things are all right.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“Then I’ll share with you my framework—the Four Principles of Real Self-Care: 1. Set boundaries with others. 2. Change how you talk to yourself. 3. Bring in what matters most to you. 4. This is power—use it for good.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“Real self-care, as you’ll see, is not a one-stop shop like a fancy spa retreat or a journaling app; it’s an internal process that involves making difficult decisions that will pay off tenfold in the long run as a life built around the relationships and activities that matter most to you. My goal is to teach you the difference between the two not only by lifting the veil on commodified faux self-care but also by transforming your understanding of what a real practice of caring for yourself could look like and showing you that it’s possible.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness

“Wellness dogma says that a fix for your troubles is as simple as buying a new day planner or signing up for a meditation class.”
― Pooja Lakshmin, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness