Federal Husband Quotes

“A man who is the head of his wife is preaching all day about Christ and the Church—his obedience or disobedience will determine whether his preaching is full of lies or not, but the very nature of his relation to his wife means that he is preaching, like it or not. Picture Christ murmuring against His wife to the Father, “The woman Thou gavest . . .” Imagine Christ blaming the Church, pointing an accusing finger. Try to picture Christ wishing that He were with someone else. Every situation we might come up with piles absurdity on absurdity. When a man learns this and begins to treat his wife in a manner consistent with that insight, he soon sees the difference between sentimental attachments and covenantal identity. Christ loved His bride with an efficacious love; He loved the Church in a way which transformed her. In the same way a husband is to assume responsibility for his wife’s increasing loveliness. One man marries a pretty woman and hopes, fingers crossed, that she will manage to stay that way. But a federal husband marries a beautiful woman and vows before God and witnesses that he will nourish and cherish her in such a way that she flourishes in that beauty. Christ bestowed loveliness on His Church through His love. A Christian man is called to do the same. Covenant loving bestows loveliness. Federal commitment imparts beauty.”
― Douglas Wilson, Federal Husband

“One of the most difficult things for modern men to understand is how they are responsible for their wives. Men come into a marriage pastoral counseling session with the assumption that “She has her problems,” and “I have mine,” and the counselor is here to help us split the difference. But the husband is responsible for all the problems. This is the case for no other reason than that he is the husband. This does not mean that the wife has no personal responsibilities as an individual before God. She certainly does, just as her husband has individual responsibility. They are both private persons who stand before God. But he remains the head, and just as Christ as the head assumed all the responsibility for all the sins of all His people, so the husband is to assume covenant responsibility for the state of his marriage. If a husband says that he objects to this because it is not fair for him to be held responsible for the failings of another, he is really saying that he objects to the gospel. It was not “fair” for Christ to assume responsibility for our sins either. But while it may not have been fair as we define it, it was nevertheless just and merciful.”
― Douglas Wilson, Federal Husband

“More frequently, when husbands lose an understanding of the cross, they come to the point where they do not instruct their wives in the Word at all. Of course, as the head of the wife, an ignorant husband continues to teach, but the lessons have to do with how Christ is more interested in Monday Night Football than in communion with His bride.”
― Douglas Wilson, Federal Husband

“Covenantal responsibility of this kind does not divide; rather, it multiplies and ascends. Federal thinking preserves the personhood of those involved; it does not annihilate that personhood. The assumption of covenantal responsibility by a husband does not diminish the personal responsibility of his wife for everything she does and thinks; rather, it strengthens it. This mentality is not condemning but liberating—a husband who considers this knows exactly what he is supposed to do. This thing is hard but not impossible. It is simple to understand, which is good, because it is hard to do. A man must swallow his pride, which is hard to get down, and then stand up and do a very simple thing. Every doctrine lives as it is applied and no other way. The application of this doctrine is simply a question of having an obedient mind. This is not a technique; it is the mind of wisdom.”
― Douglas Wilson, Federal Husband

“Neglect of this truth is pervasive in the modern church. One of the most difficult things for modern men to understand is how they are responsible for their wives. Men come into a marriage pastoral counseling session with the assumption that “She has her problems,” and “I have mine,” and the counselor is here to help us split the difference. But the husband is responsible for all the problems. This is the case for no other reason than that he is the husband.”
― Douglas Wilson, Federal Husband

“This means that our theology of Christ’s love will be determinative of how a Christian wife is loved. How a man understands ultimate covenantal loving will settle how he sets about covenantal loving. How he understands the thing to be imitated will determine how and what he imitates. If his theology is biblical (and thereby federal or covenantal), then his wife will be loved as Christ really did love the Church. If the theology is either sub-federal or anti-covenantal, then a woman, when she is loved at all, will be loved sentimentally, not for very long, or in fits and starts.”
― Douglas Wilson, Federal Husband

“When a man singles a woman out for attention, he should have one thing clear in his mind. (Actually, a young Christian woman should understand the same thing as well.) To some extent, one of two things is happening. The first option is that the man is attempting to get the woman into bed dishonorably. The other possibility is that he is trying to do it honorably. If this sounds crass, you may not fully appreciate the holiness of the marriage bed.”
― Douglas Wilson, Federal Husband

“The father should take the lead in gratitude. He should lead the family on complimenting her on her meals, on her appearance, and for the work she does in keeping the home running smoothly. He should be saying “thank you” many times each day, and he should insist that his children learn to follow his example.”
― Douglas Wilson, Federal Husband

“ironically, we call this attempt by some women to be more like men “feminism,” which is more than a little bit like calling an attempt by cats to be like dogs felinism.”
― Douglas Wilson, Federal Husband

“Christ loved His people with a responsible love. In His loving, He took on Himself all the sins of His people. These were sins which He had not personally committed and for which we had no right to blame Him. And yet, on the basis of the covenant union, He assumed responsibility. The ground of our salvation is nothing less than Christ’s assumption of that responsibility. In the same way, a husband may not be to blame for a particular problem in his marriage. But whether he is at fault or not, he remains responsible. Christ was never to blame for anything that God held Him responsible for, and yet He assumed the responsibility for all our sins. You would think that we as husbands who do share so much of the blame would find it easier to assume the responsibility. But the flesh revolts, and we do not want to take an ounce of responsibility over the measure of our blame—and frequently, we want even less than that. Another way of saying this is that husbands don’t want to love their wives the way the Bible tells them to.”
― Douglas Wilson, Federal Husband

“Every doctrine lives as it is applied and no other way.”
― Douglas Wilson, Federal Husband

“A husband can no more blame his wife for the state of their marriage than a thief can blame his hands. As Christ assumed responsibility for things He didn’t do, so husbands should be willing to do the same for their wives.”
― Douglas Wilson, Federal Husband

“A father must beware the false dichotomy between individualism and “patriarchalism.” The individualist says to each person in the family that responsibility begins and ends with him. Only one person can be responsible for one thing. The “patriarchalist” approach would agree and then say that the only person responsible in the family is the Boss Man. If he is responsible, then no one else can ever do anything freely. Both approaches are erroneous.”
― Douglas Wilson, Federal Husband

“At the heart of this covenantal relationship is the issue of responsibility. Whenever there is genuine federal headship, the head as representative assumes responsibility for the spiritual condition of the members of the covenant body, and the organic connection applies in both directions. We are covenantal beings; we were created this”
― Douglas Wilson, Federal Husband

“our theology of Christ’s love will be determinative of how a Christian wife is loved. How a man understands ultimate covenantal loving will settle how he sets about covenantal loving. How he understands the thing to be imitated will determine how and what he imitates. If his theology is biblical (and thereby federal or covenantal), then his wife will be loved as Christ really did love the Church. If the theology is either sub-federal or anti-covenantal, then a woman, when she is loved at all, will be loved sentimentally, not for very long, or in fits and starts.”
― Douglas Wilson, Federal Husband

“husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the Church (Eph. 5:25). By the very nature of the case, this means that husbands are told to model or exhibit a federal relationship to their wives. The command to husbands is to love their wives as Christ loved His bride.”
― Douglas Wilson, Federal Husband

“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself” (Eph. 5:28). A man does not care for his own body sporadically. As Paul puts it, no one ever hated his own flesh. Imagine a man taking his body out to a restaurant only on its birthday, and giving it a present only on its anniversary. No, a man’s relationship with his body is much more . . . ongoing. A man deals with his own body in one way or another every minute of every day. And when a man does what Paul requires here, he loves his wife in this same ongoing, incarnational way.”
― Douglas Wilson, Federal Husband