That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf Quotes

“I do not know if my tits were built for murder. I don’t even think they were built with my back in mind.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“Potatoes are by far the most versatile crop. You can fry them up, bake them, or throw them at undesirable men who refuse to leave you alone.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“If you need me, don’t.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“Oh my god, chip my steal, you’re so annoying.” Alexis snapped. “Maybe if you fixed your attitude and took a bath once in a while, women would talk to you. You smell like old cheese and a mother’s regret.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“My friend rested a hand on her cheek, before a slow crooked grin spread across her face. “He blew your back out, didn’t he?”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“Help me" the thing called again, sounding an awful lot like none of my business”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“I tried to find the right words, but instead just fluttered my arm around like my thoughts would arrange themselves better through interpretive jazz hands.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“OH YOU LIED, YOU LYING SACK OF CLOUD SCALES!”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“Oh, thank goodness!” Alexis let out a loud sigh. “I gotta be honest with ya, Big Daddy Dave. At first I was like, ‘Damn, this group looks like they jack off on crystals and kick puppies’ and then I saw y’all praying to a glowing puddle. That’s when I knew everything was gonna be OK.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“Anyone who doesn’t have the tits for murder should stay towards the back.” My knees shook with the weight of her words. I do not know if my tits were built for murder. I don’t even think they were built with my back in mind.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“Let me get this straight. You’re going to ask a dragon, an actual titan creature, to stop the rain so you can go on a date.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“He rolled his eyes. “Fine. Three lemon meringue pies.” “… Pies?” I asked. Of all the things I thought a dragon would ask for, sweets weren’t one of them. “You eat pies?” “No, I shove them up my ass,” he growled. “Yes, I eat them.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“Felix I-Don't-Know-Your-Middle-Name Monet, if you get my hair wet, then this marriage is over!”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“Maybe if you fixed your attitude and took a bath once in a while, women would talk to you. You smell like old cheese and a mother’s regret.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“Hun, I promise this isn’t a shot at your manhood. You don’t need to prove me wrong. That pie will burn your mouth if you’re not used to it.” “Well, now I feel like I’ve been issued a challenge.” Before I could stop him, he snatched a meat pie and took a large bite. I sighed and sat back in my chair to watch the show. Felix grinned triumphantly and kept chewing. Two seconds ticked by. Panic crept into his eyes, but he kept chewing, trying to save face. “Feeling the burn yet?” I asked. He shook his head and placed his hands on his knees. Then leaned back again to thrum his fingers against the bench. Soon his eyes began to water, his face turned redder than a cayenne, and he could no longer contain his coughing fit. I took pity and handed him a flask of water. “Did she imbue it with the souls of the damned?”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“I'll fess up on a beach surrounded by man booty. Preferably mermen, if ya got em.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“Hun, I promise this isn’t a shot at your manhood. You don’t need to prove me wrong. That pie will burn your mouth if you’re not used to it.” “Well, now I feel like I’ve been issued a challenge.” Before I could stop him, he snatched a meat pie and took a large bite. I sighed and sat back in my chair to watch the show. Felix grinned triumphantly and kept chewing. Two seconds ticked by. Panic crept into his eyes, but he kept chewing, trying to save face. “Feeling the burn yet?” I asked. He shook his head and placed his hands on his knees. Then leaned back again to thrum his fingers against the bench. Soon his eyes began to water, his face turned redder than a cayenne, and he could no longer contain his coughing fit. I took pity and handed him a flask of water. “Did she imbue it with the souls of the damned?” he sputtered around the flask. “I’ve been burned with fire less hot than this.” “I tried to warn you,” I said, finishing off my pie.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“My demands are reasonable,” she sobbed. “I just want to go to the beach and see half-naked men running around. The way nature intended.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“I’ll fess up on a beach surrounded by man booty. Preferably mermen, if ya got ’em.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“I’d also managed to disgrace myself in front of her. The only saving factor was that I was able to run for the hills before I destroyed her outhouse.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“With the force of every woman tired of broke men’s audacity, I yeeted the drink straight at Jack’s head.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“Rejected Princess” was one of the craziest series I’d ever gotten into. The plot lines were filled with ridiculous angst, cheesy lines about true love and sex, and made a point to shove in every possible trope it could. But damn if I didn’t eat up that fifteen-book series like it was my job.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“Can I sleep with you?” I am nothing if not an opportunist.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“The cult leader smiled and cast her a pitying glance. “I assure you, your sacrifices will not be in vain. All my children and I are trying to do is make the world a better place for all mankind.” “Oh, thank goodness!” Alexis let out a loud sigh. “I gotta be honest with ya, Big Daddy Dave. At first I was like, ‘Damn, this group looks like they jack off on crystals and kick puppies’ and then I saw y’all praying to a glowing puddle. That’s when I knew everything was gonna be OK.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“Big Daddy Dave.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“Oh don't be cowards." His tone was mocking, the same threatening grin present. " Its a lot less painful than what your woman would go through if you put her through childbirth. You can't expect her to go through worse pain if you yourself cant even offer her this.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“Felix’s mouth quirked, and he gave me a challenging look. “So long as it’s not cheese filled, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“I tried to warn you,” I said, finishing off my pie. He coughed into his elbow. “You made it look so easy.” I shrugged. “What can I say? I’m sustained by the souls of the damned.” His voice took on a concerned edge as I munched on my second pie. “Your ass is going to regret that later.” “Eh, it can take a tentacle, it can take a pie.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“I heard a noise outside and I couldn’t sleep,” she confided, the words half mumbled into my chest. “You live on a farm, sweetheart. You’re going to be hearing noises for the rest of your life.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

“I could deny her nothing.”
― Kimberly Lemming, That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf