Tales from the Gas Station Quotes

“Demons were one thing, but anyone who’s ever been attacked by a goose can tell you that they’re aggressive apex predators descended from dinosaurs. And unlike demons, geese can’t be tricked, befriended, or reasoned with. If one of those honking bastards was sitting here waiting for us like a drug dealer we owed money, then a fight wasn’t just likely, it was inevitable.”
― Jack Townsend, Tales from the Gas Station: Volume Four

“This whole apocalypse could have been an email.”
― Jack Townsend, Tales from the Gas Station: Volume Four

“He looked like God got drunk and decided to make a person but realized halfway through that He didn’t have all the ingredients and tried to wing it with spare parts.”
― Jack Townsend, Tales from the Gas Station: Volume Four

“From now on, you fight dirty, understand? And nothin’s dirtier than dirt. Pick it up, throw it in your opponent’s eyes. Go for the hair and the squishy bits. And for God’s sake, don’t be afraid to grab another man’s balls. Casual homophobia has killed a lot of otherwise competent fighters.”
― Jack Townsend, Tales from the Gas Station: Volume Four

“​I didn’t appreciate the way he was being so polite and considerate. At least when people are rude, angry, or belligerent, I know it’s coming from a place of honesty. It’s much harder to know what kindness is supposed to mean.”
― Jack Townsend, Tales from the Gas Station: Volume Four

“What’s ‘catch these hands’ in Latin?”
― Jack Townsend, Tales from the Gas Station: Volume Four

“Humans are programmed from birth to push themselves way beyond what’s necessary. Self-care is demonized, except where utterly necessary for the survival of the working stock. Everyone is struggling to make it to the next step, looking forward to that moment when life is going to finally get a little better, and only then will we be allowed to relax. But there is no plateau. It’s a steady incline until death.”
― Jack Townsend, Tales from the Gas Station: Volume Four

“Clearly, you’re in an emotionally vulnerable state right now. Here, take this gun.”
― Jack Townsend, Tales from the Gas Station: Volume Four

“Relax. Empty your mind. Focus on nothing but the sound of your own breathing… Why is my breathing so shallow anyway? Is this normal? Or is it, like, too shallow? Great, now my breathing has switched over to manual mode.”
― Jack Townsend, Tales from the Gas Station: Volume Four

“Sabine[12]—the only person in the world whose opinion of me I really cared about—was watching, and she had seen the whole thing.”
― Jack Townsend, Tales from the Gas Station: Volume Four

“Just like sorting laundry or paying taxes, reading these notes is 100% optional!”
― Jack Townsend, Tales from the Gas Station: Volume Four

“You really thought I might have been the killer?” ​“Yes.” ​“Aww, thank you.”
― Jack Townsend, Tales from the Gas Station: Volume Four

“There’s a strange, almost indescribable force that lives inside of me, holding me back from all of the proverbial ledges. It keeps me from doing stupid things, like punching customers when they’re rude. But it also keeps me from doing smart things, like scheduling doctor’s appointments when I get sick or complaining when the fast-food place gets my order wrong. It’s a constant, like gravity and time, that coexists with the rest of my reality so completely that I rarely give it any thought.”
― Jack Townsend, Tales from the Gas Station: Volume Four

“Travis removed his camo hat and said solemnly, “My boy Brylock is huntin’ deers with Jesus now.”
― Jack Townsend, Tales from the Gas Station: Volume Four

“If I’d known that this was all it took, I’d have tossed your grandmother into traffic a long time ago.”
― Jack Townsend, Tales from the Gas Station: Volume Four

“things don’t necessarily need to be possible; they just needed to happen.”
― Jack Townsend, Tales from the Gas Station: Volume Four