Man Walks into a Bar Quotes

“Harry sent ten different puns to a friend in the hope that at least one of the puns would make him laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.”
― Stephen Arnott, Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners

“I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.”
― Stephen Arnott, Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners

“How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one. But the light bulb has really got to want to change.”
― Stephen Arnott, Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners

“Susie is having trouble with her computer so she calls Harry, the computer guy, over to her desk. Harry clicks a couple buttons and solves the problem. “So, what was wrong?” asks Susie. Harry replies, “It was an ID ten T error.” “ So what’s that?” asks Suzie. “Write it down,” says Harry. “You’ll figure it out.”
― Stephen Arnott, Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners

“If you try to fail but succeed, which have you done?”
― Stephen Arnott, Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners

“It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.”
― Stephen Arnott, Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners

“Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were getting chilly. They lit a fire in the craft and it sank, proving that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.”
― Stephen Arnott, Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners

“The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.”
― Stephen Arnott, Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners

“Mistress: something between a mister and a mattress.”
― Stephen Arnott, Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners