Under One Roof Quotes

“See, that’s the thing I hate the most about adulting: at some point, one has to start doing it.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“I should start dating again. Should I start dating again? Yeah. I should. Except that . . . men. No, thank you.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“I love you, I think. And I suspect that you love me, too. And I cannot wait for us to admit it to each other. I cannot wait to see what happens next.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“Please don’t build an atomic bomb.” “Don’t tell me what to do.” He sighs. “I’ll make room for the plutonium in the cheese drawer.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“Then he hugs me back. He lifts me up like he’s too happy for me to even consider stopping himself, like this phone call I just had that changed my life changed his, too, like he’s been wanting this as much and as intensely as I have. And when he spins me around the room, one single, perfect whirl of pure happiness, that’s when I realize it. How incredibly, utterly gone for this man I am.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“Rain is my favorite kind of weather.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“I am catastrophically, ruinously in love with you.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“Please, let me fuck you. Let me give you what you need. Let me try, at least.” He kisses a spot under my jaw. “Hard and fast.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“Like global warming and capitalism had a love child who’s going through a bodybuilding phase.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“What will I do with all this knowledge I have of his likes and dislikes? This knowledge of him? Where will it go once he's not in my life anymore?”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“Yeah. But I really don’t. It’s just . . .” He holds my eyes. His are a dark, beautiful brown. “I like you very much, Mara. I like talking to you. I like watching you do yoga. I like the way you always smell like sunscreen. I like how you manage to say pretty much whatever you want while still being unbelievably kind. I like being in this house with you, and everything we do in here.” His throat bobs. “I don’t think it’s a surprise that I really, really like the idea of fucking you.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“but I like this a lot.” “This?” “This thing.” I begin to screw in the back plate of the microwave. “Where we chat without throwing chairs at each other and you offhandedly ask for the last names of dudes who are mean to me with the obvious idea of committing unsanctioned acts of vigilante justice against them.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“who uses black towels, anyway? Who produces them? Where does he even buy them, Bloodbath and Beyond?”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“He extends his arm and turns the other way while I wrap the towel (his towel; Liam’s towel) around myself. It’s fluffy and clean and it smells good and—who uses black towels, anyway? Who produces them? Where does he even buy them, Bloodbath and Beyond?”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“Sometimes they’re useful,” Sadie points out. “Like that guy with a Korn T-shirt who helped me open a jar of pickled radishes in 2018.” “Oh yeah.” I nod. “I remember that.” “Hands down my most profound experience with a man.” “In hindsight, you should have asked him to marry you.” “A missed opportunity.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“He doesn’t really acknowledge my existence. Well, except to occasionally stare like I’m some roach infesting his pristine living space.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“Maybe that’s what he majored in at Dartmouth: Snow Shoveling. Nicely complemented by a minor in Muscles. His honors thesis was titled The Importance of Armceps in Ergonomic Excavating. Then he moved to graduate school to study How-to-Make-a-Mundane-Winter-Task-Look-Attractive Law.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“heat up more food than I need to eat (but, crucially: not more food than I can eat).”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“He lifts me up till I’m hovering above the floor, then effortlessly moves me a few inches to the side of the refrigerator. Like I’m as light as an Amazon delivery box,”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“You guys are shit friends and I'm not sure why I love you so much.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“Like I’m as light as an Amazon delivery box, the giant ones that for some reason have only a single stick of deodorant packed inside.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“I got it! Liam—I got the job!” He doesn’t skip a beat. “The team leader position?” “Yes.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“Liam glances at me every few seconds, as though me stuffing my face is either something he likes to look at, or something totally hideous—who’s to say?”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“Don’t get me wrong, I love this. Listening to you bitch is my jam, ten out of ten, would recommend.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“My voice breaks on the last word, and now I’m crying. Not full-on bawling like when I watch The Lion King or the first ten minutes of Up, but quiet, sparse, implacable tears that I have no hope of stopping.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“For the life of me, I can’t remember a better activity than staying at home in my pj’s and hanging out with my roommate.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“Too late. He actually looks . . .” “Like global warming and capitalism had a love child who’s going through a bodybuilding phase.” “Um . . . I was going to say cute.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“These heart hiccups are not sustainable in the long term, not to my mental or cardiovascular health. I’m only a humble beginner at this whole pining thing, but I can safely state that living with some guy you used to hate and somehow ended up slipping in love with is not a wise move. Trust me, I have a doctorate.
(In a totally unrelated field, but still.)”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“he looks broody and dark,”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof

“Unseasonably warm. It’s because the Earth is dying, of course. Rising global average temperatures are associated with widespread fluctuations in weather patterns, and that’s why we’re still wearing lightweight jackets, even though it’s late November in D.C. and Christmas trees have been popping up for weeks now.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Under One Roof