A Witch's Guide to Fake Dating a Demon Quotes

“Admirable,” Astaroth had once said. “We could stand to learn a few things about ruthless manipulation and one-sided bargains from American healthcare insurers.”
― Sarah Hawley, A Witch's Guide to Fake Dating a Demon

“Lucifer, why did so many human emotions feel like physical illness? It was a wonder humans didn’t visit the doctor on an hourly basis.”
― Sarah Hawley, A Witch's Guide to Fake Dating a Demon

“Trust literal demons to be kinder to their children than the American education system.”
― Sarah Hawley, A Witch's Guide to Fake Dating a Demon

“Ozroth’s chest was tight, and his stomach was starting to feel sour, so he turned and stalked out of the kitchen. Lucifer, why did so many human emotions feel like physical illness? It was a wonder humans didn’t visit the doctor on an hourly basis. Then again, Glimmer Falls was located in America, and news of the horrors of the American medical system had reached even the demon plane. “Admirable,” Astaroth had once said. “We could stand to learn a few things about ruthless manipulation and one-sided bargains from American healthcare insurers.”
― Sarah Hawley, A Witch's Guide to Fake Dating a Demon

“He should add lying and blowing smoke up people’s asses to his list of skills.”
― Sarah Hawley, A Witch's Guide to Fake Dating a Demon

“There was still a soul to claim, but for now, there was spaghetti.”
― Sarah Hawley, A Witch's Guide to Fake Dating a Demon

“You are such a cliché.”
― Sarah Hawley, A Witch's Guide to Fake Dating a Demon

“Mariel,” he said seriously, “you are beautiful, intelligent, and funny. You bring so much joy to the world. On top of that, you’re an extremely powerful witch who can do incredible things. Needing help sometimes or not being perfect doesn’t change any of that, and I wish you would be as kind to yourself as you are to your friends.”
― Sarah Hawley, A Witch's Guide to Fake Dating a Demon

“You only begged the stars because you were giving birth outside like a barn animal,”
― Sarah Hawley, A Witch's Guide to Fake Dating a Demon

“Admirable,” Astaroth had once said. “We could stand to learn a few things about ruthless manipulation and onesided bargains from American healthcare insurers.”
― Sarah Hawley, A Witch's Guide to Fake Dating a Demon

“What is that?” Ozroth asked in alarm. Mariel looked over at the now-thrashing tentacle. “Oh, that’s just Jenny,” she said. “Friendly local tentacle monster.”
― Sarah Hawley, A Witch's Guide to Fake Dating a Demon

“The fire of autumn was everywhere, and soon the branches would be bare, twigs laced together like delicate filigree. All part of nature’s steady cycle.”
― Sarah Hawley, A Witch's Guide to Fake Dating a Demon

“ ‘Make your ancestors proud today,’ ”
― Sarah Hawley, A Witch's Guide to Fake Dating a Demon

“band T-shirt for My Alchemical Bromance.”
― Sarah Hawley, A Witch's Guide to Fake Dating a Demon

“All I’ve done my entire life is take people’s souls away. I have no real friends, no family, few hobbies. I’ve been miserable for so long, and you . . . you’re like the sun breaking out from behind a cloud. You make everything bright and warm.”
― Sarah Hawley, Guía de brujas para citas falsas con un demonio